Scene Issue 215 by Jaime Riley

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N O I S I TELEV

g in d d e w a y n a m f o le g n a -j le Oh, the jing s, h ig h e th s ll ca re N A M P A H C bell...NICOLA t. n e v e l a ci e p s ry e v is th f o , and even highers

he Royal Wedding. My house mates and I did it in style Pimms and battenburg at 10 o'clock? Don't mind if I do... So what if I have an open exam?! Pah! It was THE television event of the century! Didn’t she look beautiful? Wasn’t Wills super cute and bashful every time he looked at Kate? How much did everyone fall even more in love with Harry after his cheeky glances in Westminster? Who knew that a modern day fairytale could attract 2 billion worldwide viewers and put the Royal Family back in the public’s favour once more? There’s something delightful about seeing the nation come together for one purpose (that being to celebrate a wedding in which none of us are involved, but in which we're going to bloody well immerse ourselves anyway). One of the greatest things about the Royal Wedding was the fact that it sent TV commissioners nationwide into a right flap and frenzy just because there was a high profile wedding happening within the next month that meant that everything, and I mean absolutely everything, had to have some form of nuptial theme surrounding it. One of my personal highlights was My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding, a one-off trip back to the land of voyeurism and travellers tying the knot. Brilliant, and it didn’t disappoint. If you missed it – are you crazy? It even rivalled the big day it-

self, trumped only by the fact that we didn’t get a day off for it. I will never forget the look on the bride-to-be’s face when the long suffering Thelma took her to the wedding venue – a cattery. Just think of a farm, adorned with stencils of demented cats, and you get the idea. As long as Thelma could get enough pink material to drape over the rusted doorway and stage (in a cattery?) then everything would be a-ok. And it was, eventually. The dress was a masterpiece of marshmallow imitation, the cake was literally 15 stone of icing shaped into a horse and carriage. And the tiara – well it was like the programme itself, you couldn’t miss it. I was lucky enough to catch the Come Dine With Me special, where four equally crazy royalists gave their own personal take on a street party. It was hilarious. There were pies, peas, mash, eels and sponge pudding in Street Party 1 (which won – shows how bad the others were). Street Party 2 was laid on by the most stereotypical First-Class air hostess ever. She was married to a pilot and had designed her house to be shaped like an aeroplane. Come on now, leave the day job where it should be - the airport. She attempted fancy, and instead got cold mains.

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From cuties

Street Party 3 was hosted by a man with the most teeth I have ever seen in the mouth of as single person. And his laugh was so very British; that hearty, depth-of-your-belly laugh as if you’re trying to bring up an anchor. He decided to ask his guests to dress up as the opposite sex (why, I do not know) and only three obliged... out of thirty. So instead of throwing a fantastic party, he just looked like a transvestite in a park. The last gathering, Street Party 4, hosted the biggest drum of salad I have ever seen. That’s right, drum. And he also had a hog roast. And fell off his chair. The entire programme was a piss up from start to finish, but a bloody good one. I also watched Royal Weddings on the Beeb (of course), a Sunday night collaboration of past Royal weddings (funnily enough) and one thing stood out from the off: even the people that worked at the flower shops that made the bouquets were tweed-wearing semi-royalty. I could not believe how crazy Sarah Ferguson was! She had a giant teddy in the carriage with her after she’d got hitched. ROCK AND ROLL. Or crazy, if that’s your view. All I know is, I really love that family, and one day, Harry will hopefully provide me with a wedding like that. One last thing... If you’ve got a spare five minutes, look up Royal Romance: The Other Guys’ Official Royal Wedding video on YouTube. Pure genius from Kate’s St Andrews classmates.

...to toothy

Oh. My.

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Morgan Collins

hy aye man! This summer is going to be propa Geordie. MTV is giving us a candid look into Geordie land, fake tan an' all, chronicling the drunken social lives of eight "loud and proud lads and lasses". Taking its influence from the hit MTV show Jersey Shore, the British Version , Geordie Shore, is hell bent on proving that we Brits can party just as hard as our American brothers. Set in the heart of Newcastle (the North's clubbing capital), we witness the shameless antics of these young fame-whores who constantly test the boundaries of taste and decency. But in amongst the drinking and partying, I wanted to know why choose Newcastle over any other chav-tastic city? Then I realised that Newcastle is the most easily stereotyped city, famed for its thick accents, miniskirts, high heels and alcoholic culture. The show does not go out of its way to stomp on these stereotypes, but simply perpetuates them. For example, one of the cast members' aim in life is to become a WAG or to "just get pissed off of someone else's coin"; highlighting the arrogant undeserving culture of today's youth. However, I am not here to argue on the way these stereotypes are being portrayed because, let's face it; it makes some entertaining trashy television. Being I am an avid fan of the Jersey Shore franchise, and I wonder if this British rip off will be able to fill the big shoes of those east coast Guidos and Guidettes. Will there be the big characters with unforgettable catchphrases like "GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry)" "DTF (down to f***)" "grenade" and (my favourite) "it's T-shirt time!" Looking on the MTV website at the cast profiles it seems like these overly tanned, overly buffed Newcastle counter-parts are set to make waves in the land of television. If the show meets all of the hype surrounding it then we are definitely in for a ride of chavvy proportions. Expect alcohol abuse, outrageous promiscuity, fake hair, nails and teeth; the works. And most of all, incoherent Geordie accents (especially when drunk). I hope that Geordie Shore does not try to imitate the shenanigans of the Jersey Shore crew, but instead establishes itself as something different. Geordie Shore will be hitting the small screen in late May this year, a'reet?

Remotes at the ready - our tv picks for the week

Best of 4oD

Weddin Royal Gypsy

Forget Will and Kate, Channel 4 viewers got a front row seat to watch a real spectacle that is a proper Gypsy Wedding; rumoured to be the biggest wedding bash yet - the biggest dress, the biggest hair and of course the biggest cake, will it ever live up to expectations?

Catch up on 4oD

You don't have to be a fan of N-Dubz to watch this, I certainly wasn't... A mash up of documentary and reality TV, Being N-dubz shows the "gritty urban trio" in fun new light. Definately worth a watch.

Watch this week

Being N-Dubz

Wednesday, Channel 4, 11.40pm

n't...

Oh No You Did

Poor Gemma, she got all dressed up - hair, nails the works, she even had her vajayjay vajazzled, all for a certain somebody to ignore her efforts and talk to another girl - aww poor babe!

The Only Way Is Essex, Wed, ITV2, 10pm

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REALITY BITES! Rebecca Ojumu tells us what to expect from reality show season... Y

ou would think after six years we would have run out of talent but once again this series of Britain's Got Talent proves that people are still not tired of making utter fools of themselves and we still can’t get enough of it. There is some talent - like 12-year-old Ronan Parke’s rendition of 'Feeling Good' to Olivia Pinfield’s show-and -tell snake act. However what this series lacks is not n ecessarily Simon, but actual chemistry between the judges like in previous years. Michael McIntyre’s fear to give a ruthless yet truthful criticism or press the damn button to put us out of misery. Honestly, I’ve yet to see an exciting act that keeps you on the edge of your seats like previous winners Diversity and Spellbound. But it's early days yet and with Simon's return in the live shows, I

know the entertainment, and perhaps ratings, will pick up. Turning to The Apprentice, the entrepreneur wannabes are ready to battle it out once again to be Lord Sugar’s next apprentice, and this year the contestants range from a Manager Director to a business psychologist. They may put on a tough exterior, but we can’t wait to see each and every one of them crumble as they growingly believe their world will end should they be fired. Like every year there are the catfights and tantrums. The first episode sees the teams go to battle over fruit and vegetables. But the most exciting twist of this year is the much coveted six-figure salary is no longer up for grabs. Instead, Lord Sugar will be investing quarter of a million pounds into the winner's new company. Whether or not the new con-

cept will work is yet to be seen, but I, for one, can’t wait to see the ass-kissing, hoop-jumping and constant bragging from our contestants. Well, it wouldn’t be The Apprentice without it. And just when you thought Big Brother was gone for good, it has been reported that it's set to return on the very much irrelevant Channel 5. For 10 years, Big Brother brought jokes, tantrums, race rows and pregnancy scares, so it was no surprise Channel 4 decided to cancel the show. After a while, watching talentless fools parading around for a NOW magazine spread just gets tiring. If Channel 5 can rescue this show from the depths of irrelevancy, I may be persuaded to watch. But until then, Big Brother should remain where many of the housemates are: obscurity.

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Tommy Spencer suggests a new approach to education...

hilst watching TV the other day I had an epiphany. With truancy rates rising, it is clear something must be done to combat the youth of today’s growing apathy towards learning. And I feel I may have found the solution. It occurred to me that I appear to absorb the same amount of knowledge from a handful of documentaries on the box as I do from all four hours a week of my university course! Through an alternative curriculum made up of documentaries I’ve seen recently (normally post-roast dinner on a Sunday evening), I present to you the saviour of the British education system: your television. For your Geography fix, look no further than the thrilling new Arctic, in which ex-marine Bruce Parry (who hit our screens as presenter of CBBC show Serious Jungle), delivers more top quality programming. For many Bruce fans, Arctic is another bang on production. Parry travels between a variety of locations inside the Arctic Circle describing both

the difficulties of dealing with the tough arctic conditions, as well as the benefits which could be reaped, constantly emphasising the strains placed upon the environment by ever increasing human expansion and production. Highlights include Parry’s regular ‘spiritual moments’ and demonstrations of his unbelievable physical ability! If History is more your bag, tune into the Filth Files, with historic TV favourite Dan Snow. This gripping three part series sees Snow take viewers on a tour of London, Paris and New York in their not-so-finest hours. The show saw history brought to life with Snow taking on a variety of filth ridden tasks, from shovelling a tonne of horse manure to butchering a pig. History is also recreated through the cutting-edge use of Scratch and Sniff cards in an attempt to transfer foul odours from history into the (hopefully) more sanitary living rooms of thousands of viewers. If that isn’t enough, viewers endured regular bursts of naked Snow

round every corner, for an assortment of trivial excuses. Highlights of the show include the faces of innocent Londoners as Dan pushed a cart of animal entrails through central London coupled with the sheer hilarity of Dan sniffing sewage from a plastic water bottle. For those who are after a more metaphysical hit, Wonders of the Universe was Brian Cox’s attempt at making physics the sexy and exciting area of academia. The show is particularly educationally nutritious and tackles fundamental scientific principles surrounding the story of the universe. For me, the highlight had to be Brian's ridiculous travel expenses, presenting his Physics message from seemingly every continent, in an ever more ridiculous manner each time! So if you know of an unruly child who won’t stay in school, don’t panic. Simply sit them down in front of the TV and let Profs Cox, Snow and Parry work their magic; it’s that simple. I don’t know why Michael Gove didn’t think of it first.

campus

'University life gets the Green Wing treatment', or so we were told. All I'll say about this one is I'll be amazed if Channel 4 give it another series. The worst bit is, I really wanted to like this one.

Desperate housewives A genuine question here, is anyone still watching this? If you are, you should probably stop, you're only encouraging them.

so Not

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Books.

TECHNOLOGY NIGHTLIFE 20 QUESTIONS Want to contribute? Contact us at books@yorkvision.co.uk

News from the publishing industry. A Book You Can't Refuse...

THE estate of the late Mario Puzio has authorised a brand new entry in ‘The Godfather’ series, publishers Grand Central Publishing have announced. Written by Ed Falco, ‘The Family Corleone’ is based on an unproduced screenplay by Puzio himself, detailing Vito Corleone’s rise to power in a depression-hit 1930s New York. It hasn’t yet been revealed how exactly

the book will differ from the subplot of the 1974 film ‘The Godfather Part II’ in which Corleone’srise to power is also shown. Puzio’s original novel, published in 1969, has sold over 20 million copies worldwide, and spawned two sequels. ‘The Family Coreleone’ is set to be released in June 2012. GEORGE OSBORNE

Bin Laden’s Death SEALS Big Money THE hysteria surrounding the recent killing of Osama Bin Laden has lead to a surge in demand for a book that is entirely unrelated to the shooting of the head of Al-Qaeda. Entitled 'SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper' the book has risen from Amazon’s 20,000th bestseller to its 5th in less than a week. The book is a collection of memoirs of a former SEAL Team Six agent, and the surge in popularity is due

to the fact that this month’s operation was carried out by modern day ST6 agents. Though the memoirs are from the first Gulf War and Somalian crisis, the print run has been quadrupled to almost 70,000. Co-author Howard Wasdin believes that the public “want to know more about ST6, and they know this book will shed a lot more light onto this subject matter." GEORGE OSBORNE

Are Female Characters Overshadowed By Their Male Counterparts? A RECENT study led by Janice McCabe shows that children’s literature is dominated by stories with male protagonists, at 57%, over female, 31%. Even in animal literature 23% of characters are male and only 7.5% female. Researchers concluded that literature is giving a "symbolic annihilation of women and girls" suggesting females are "less important" than males. However, we must ask, is it always a case of equality? Take the two most prevalent series in modern culture, Harry Potter

and Twilight. Rowling’s Hermione may play second chair to Harry, but she is a good role model for children and young teenagers. Concentrating more on school work than boys, being the one who usually comes up with the answers, and saving Harry and Ron’s lives in the process – even the male characters realise they will need her if they hope to succeed. Compare that with Meyer’s Bella Swan, the series' actual protagonist, the difference is stark. Here is a character who feels she must have a male in her life to have any value, that as she ages she grows less desirable, and through her relationship with Edward even suggests that having a controlling boyfriend is acceptable. It is even evident in the bad guys. Bellatrix Lestrange is Voldemort's lead villain, she is powerful and feared. Yes, her

evil nature and joy of callous deeds is not admirable, but she is not weak or pathetic, she gets into the middle of the action, and achieves victory for her side. Compare that with Meyer’s Victoria, another character driven by male force, going after the main protagonist to avenge her lover's death, despite the fact that he started the conflict. The prominence of male protagonists may not be such a bad thing, as long as the females who play alongside them have strong roles. More stories of Meyer's vein would send more problematic messages to young girls. Pre-adolescents lack clear gender definitions and so girls as well as boys could learn from male characters. The issue is not the prevalence of female protagonists, but whether the ones that are out there are worth having. JASMINE TARMEY

From Page To Screen GEORGE OSBORNE investigates the transition from book to film...

he saying goes ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’ So why then, do we feel the need to continually adapt our favourite novels into films, when there is no specific need or guarantee on the quality of them? I’d argue that initially it was simply because the technology was available, and it was something new, bold and exciting. However nowadays it appears to be out of laziness on the part of the audience – I myself have countless times been to see a film adaptation of a favourite book and heard people in the queue say amongst themselves "Apparently it was a book first you know..." And I don’t mean obscure books or cult novellas picked out by an eagle-eyed director, but such classics as Brighton Rock, Fight Club and The English Patient. The main thing you have to consider when watching an adaptation is that it will never be completely faithful - some parts are going to be left out and other elements added in. The reason for this is twofold; firstly, to incorporate every element would be impossible due to the time restrictions on a film – people may be happy to leisurely spend all day reading a book, but the same

cannot be said for a film. One of the earliest adaptations was a 1924 silent film of Frank Norris’ 1899 novel McTeague, and the initial cut was over 16 hours long (ironically the film was re-titled Greed). By the time it was edited to 2 hours it had lost all coherence and similarity to the original. The second reason is that filming a first person narrative or stream of consciousness is extremely difficult, and most often an extra character needs to be added. One of the most narrative-driven novels of the 20th century, The Great Gatsby, is set to be released in 2012 (in 3D, bizarrely) with Leonardo DiCaprio starring as the title character. This is a film I await with mixed feelings. So what works in an adaptation? Well for reasons just discussed it can’t just be a straightforward adaptation as this is a near impossible task (incidentally, the closest I have come to a perfectly correlative adaptation is Tom Tykwer’s 2006 film of Patrick Suskind’s 1985 novel 'Perfume'). But aside from this, what works? A good cast is essential – if you reason that the works being adapted are the products of the world’s greatest authors, then naturally it is only fitting that their characters

be played by the world’s greatest actors and actresses. Such examples are Jack Nicholson's charming criminal mastermind in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest or Marlon Brando’s star turn in Apocalypse Now. Conversely, bad acting has been the bane of some adaptations – take Ben Barnes’ wooden performance of the eponymous protagonist in The Picture of Dorian Gray, or Robin William's overly sentimental portrayal of a robot with a human grasp of emotion and love in Bicentennial Man. A rather complicated phenomenon is the second adaptation: a remake of a film that was itself an adaptation of a novel. Take the recent Tim Burton version of Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Critics shunned Johnny Depp's performance as it was deemed to be inferior to Gene Wilder's hugely popular eccentric Willy Wonka in the 1971 original. Yet Roald Dahl famously hated the original as he felt Wilder's performance was inferior to his conception of the character. And this perhaps is the crux of the issue, and brings us full circle to how I opened the feature - if something is perfectly adequate, why do we feel the need

to improve upon it? Perhaps then we should view films not as adaptations, but as interpretations or re-imaginings of the books we know and love to save us from inevitable disappointment.

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Child Of God FEW WRITERS share McCarthy’s talent for abusing language to poetic effect; his distorted, crooked, broken syntax allowing for a literary experience which exudes as much cerebral as visceral power. Child of God, McCarthy’s third novel, can perhaps be read as the genesispoint of the author’s recognisable aesthetic: funnelling the pared down prose style of Faulkner, the dark lyricism of Poe and the gritty realism of Steinbeck, into a form which is unshakeably American. Child of God is the tale of Lester Ballard, perhaps one of the darkest, most disturbed characters in McCarthy’s oeuvre. Ballard is an outsider, a loner, a character who is as much a creature as a man. Lurking in a dark, dank cave, and interacting primarily with the festering corpses with which he adorns his underground lair, Lester is a disadjusted individual who, cast out by his country-men, descends

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Rated Reads

into paedophilia and necrophilia. McCarthy’s use of antique words, which furnish the frame of his narrative, facilitate an unprecedented beauty, a dark, primordial lyricism, which lends Ballard an almost mythical stature. McCarthy creates in Child of God a narrative which stretches the very sinews of language with Shakespearean liberality, and in doing that, offers a haunting insight into the mind of a psychopath. GARETH DAVIS

A Game Of Thrones

A GAME of Thrones, the first in George R. R Martin's epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire, is a dark, complex tale of political intrigue, conflict and death, set in the brutal, unforgiving lands of Westeros. Whatever your preconceptions about the fantasy genre; forget them. This is no Middle Earth. At its heart, it is a story about power and its devastating consequences, on the individual and on the world. Yet the conventional trope of good versus (and always defeating) evil, seemingly inherent in fantasy fiction is disposed of,

and instead Martin focuses on the perspectives of multiple characters (literally dozens) from separate warring factions, illuminating their humanity. The result is an unpredictable and emotional tale set in a dark and gritty world, where moral ambiguity is emphasised, and no character is safe from the manacles of corruption or even death. Indeed, it is this unpredictability which creates tension, the novel's disturbing content and narrative pace transforming the near-900 pages into a sure fire page-turner. Martin also dispenses with many of the post-Tolkien fantasy clichés such as wizards, elves, spells and dark lords, the supernatural mostly forming the world's mythology, and so the novel (and the series as a whole) feels more like historical fiction than formulaic fantasy. At its very best Martin reinvents the fantasy genre, disrupting conventions in disturbing, brutal, brilliant fashion. DANIEL BEY

Freedom

OFTEN THE expectation of something turns out only to be the precursor to anti-climax. Thankfully, Freedom, easily the year's most eagerly anticipated novel, does not disappoint. Written by Jonathan Franzen, Freedom is a sprawling portrait of a liberal middle-class family set in the last few decades of the 20th century, and concludes near the beginning of the Obama administration in 2008. It tells the story of Walter and Patty Berglund, dynamic parents to two young children and the driving force of their local urban community. After years of happiness, things start to go awry when their teenage son Joey starts a sexual relationship with Connie, the girl next door, and eventually moves in with her family. Crushed by their son's emancipation, the unhappy family leaves the neighbourhood they worked so hard to rebuild for Washington D.C., where Walter, a passionate environmentalist, takes an unexpected job at an organisation linked to big coal. At this

stage the book takes the form of Patty's autobiography, as the reader discovers the dark secrets that have led to the family's disintegration. Freedom is a brilliant satire of modern culture whilst also being, at heart, an engrossing story about a family's disintegration, with characters so vividly drawn their dialogue and struggles seem to take place in the room around you as you read. It is a cliché to label a good book as "thought provoking", yet Freedom makes you think like few, if any, pieces of literature will ever do. JOSH MANGHAM

Better Book Titles

website entitled www.betterbooktitles.com is currently taking the internet by storm with its humorous takes on the titles of famous books. Creator Dan Wilbur explains, "This blog is for people who do not have thousands of hours to read book reviews or blurbs or first sentences. I will cut through all the cryptic crap, and give you the meat of the story in one condensed image. Now you can read the greatest literary works of all time in mere seconds!" The site holds gems such as “It's Okay If Giant Fruit Kills Your Aunts So Long As They Were Bitches” (Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach) and “My Dad Is Cooler Than Your Dad” (Harper Lee’s To kill A Mockingbird). With this in mind, Vision’s Books Editors thought they’d try their hand at rewording some classic titles...

George's suggestions: 1 Trainspotting – Drugtaking Is Never / Always The Answer 2 A Clockwork Orange – Violence Is Never/Always The Answer 3 Lolita – Being A Paedophile Is Okay If You’re Articulate About It 4 1984 – Your Government Will Destroy You 5 One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – All Psychiatric Nurses Are Bitches 6 Brighton Rock – Don’t Marry Evil Men 7 The Bell Jar – You May As Well Just Kill Yourself Before You Read This 8 Of Mice And Men – Being Friends With Stupid People Is Really, Really Hard 9 Lord Of The Flies – Small Boys Cannot Be Trusted Together 10 Midnight’s Children – The India/ Pakistan Partition Has Created Nothing But Problems 11 Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand Is Right And The World Is Wrong 12 Ulysses - Homer's The Odyssey The Irish Version 13 Tender Is The Night - Why Did My Wife Turn Into An Alcoholic Schizophrenic? 14 The Secret History - This Is How You'll Wish You Lived When You Were At University 15 The Beach - This One Time On My Gap Yah...

Jasmine's suggestions: 1 Breaking Dawn – Why a human shouldn’t give birth to a hybrid 2 Peter Pan – The Paradise of All Young Boys Contains Pirates and Indians 3 Harry Potter 1-7 – Magic doesn’t make life easier, it makes the bullies near immortal 4 Lord of the Rings – Even though Gandalf can fly on Eagles, the Little People must walk to Mordor 5 Christmas Carol – Old People Are Not Allowed to be Grumpy. 6 Pride and Prejudice – Both People Can’t Be Detached and Mysterious 7 Romeo and Juliet - Don’t Send a Messenger With Important Letters 8 Carrie – Revenge Isn’t Sweet, It Burns 9 Frankenstein – Making an Artificial Human with Corpse Parts Will Never Be Pretty 10 Jekyll and Hyde – Don’t be the Test Subject of Your Own Potion 11 Ulysses – There’s A Reason No One Made A Book of Your Life 12 Tristam Shandy – I Wanted to Write a Book, I Didn’t Have a Plan or Plot… I Still Don’t 13 The Changeling – How the Creepy Servant Gets the Girl 14 Jungle Book – Feral Children Can Talk to Animals of All Species 15 Lord of the Flies – Human Nature Cannot Achieve Eutopia

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TECH AND TITS

Jonathan Frost looks at why we have the porn industry to thank for modern technology.

ike it or not, porn is massive business. It grosses billions of pounds a year and caters for an equally large audience. But it’s a competitive business too, with companies constantly striving to deliver new experiences and material. As such, the porn industry can’t get enough of new tech. Last month, a 3D porn film came to cinemas around the world, and quickly gained great support, with massive Chinese audiences flocking to see it at its prescreenings in Hong Kong. The sequel to another popular X-rated film, Sex and Zen 3D: Extreme Ecstasy has set the course for the porn industry's move into 3D. While 3D porn has been attempted before, including one entertainingly titled This ain’t Avatar XXX, none have seen the publicity or success of the new Chinese craze, which has sparked a new wave of explicit 3D material. It’s been shown time and time again that when the porn industry throws its weight behind technology, it takes off. The constant demand for new experiences mean that companies are willing to experiment with new tech, knowing that the customer will follow. The writer and producer of Sex and Zen, Stephen Shiu was eager to utilise 3D: “It will leave audiences feeling like they are sitting right there at the edge of the bed.” You might think that companies would rather preserve their reputation than sell their newly developed tech to porn companies, but you’d be wrong. Electronics giants will now try hard to make things easy for the adult entertainment industry,

valuing their support. This support can be the make or break for new tech, and has been in the past. In the 1980s, Sony launched the Betamax to compete against VHS Video Cassettes. Both were magnetic cassette tapes, but the Betamax was generally regarded to be of a better quality. Sony refused to allow licensing for adult material on the Betamax, and as such, the porn industry leapt onto VHS, throwing demand toward the VHS players. Sony lost out, hard. Developing, producing, and marketing new technology is an expensive process, and when a format war is lost, it costs millions and means years of research have been wasted. By opposing the porn industry, Sony sealed the fate of the Betamax. In the next major format war the company competed in, Sony fought to get the adult entertainment companies on board with its DVD successor BluRay. The BluRay disc is now the standard format for high definition content, having outdone its HD-DVD opponent. More recently, 3D TV sales have been slow to pick up. This has largely been due to the new technology surfacing midway through a recession. As a result, mainstream content has not been forthcoming either. Despite these hindering factors, the porn industry is beginning to back the technology: in January, Penthouse announced they are filming content for a new fully 3D channel. Consumers are now taking more notice, and sales have been picking up. While it’s not possible attribute this

turnaround to the porn industry's involvment alone, porn companies are often among the first to take advantage of new technology, and are recognised as innovators. However, it’s not always a happy relationship between tech and porn. The explosion of the internet in the 90s after initially being embraced by porn, began to cripple the industry, costing it dearly. The rise of free content, piracy, and even amateur uploads to sites such as YouPorn negated the need for large companies. Yet the porn business is far from dead, and with its latest moves to back 3D, it seems its profitability will rise again, as it strives to feed desire for new adult experiences. Regardless of the ethics of the business, it seems we have porn to thanks for our shiny gadgets and new toys. Without this multibillion pound industry, the technology we use every day would not be nearly as advanced.

App of the Week iAssociate 2 Platform: Apple devices Rating: **** iAssociate 2 is a fabulously addictive word association game, great for passing time in lectures or whilst waiting for a friend. The goal is to guess words that are related to each other, stemming from a central point on a giant mind map. For example, which words link to ‘rice’? Maybe Rice Krispies, Chinese or fried? As with a crossword, you’re given the number of letters required for next word and have a number of hints you can use when you inevitably get stuck. However, some of the starting topics are slightly dull – natural disasters – but for the most part, it's fun, and good to play as a duo. The app is free and promises to provide hours of brain sharpening fun. Jaime Riley

What are your online hidden gems? Email us with your top 5 sites that don't get the attention they deserve and they could be in our next edition. Submissions should be between 500700 words.

TECHNOLOGY@ YORKVISION.CO.UK

5 HIDDEN GEMS OF THE INTERNET "In the few moments away from my festering techno-porn dungeon people often ask me how the hell I spend so much time on the BY ANDREW RYAN internet. I’m regularly on important stuff like news sites (the onion) , blogs (icanhascheezburger) and YouTube. But you’ve all heard of these, so here's some sites that don’t get half as much exposure as they deserve."

VIDEOSIFT.COM Easily one of the best video aggregators online, this is where the finest videos on the internet first appear, and get ‘sifted’ by users so you’re guaranteed only the best. Pretty much every famous video that has ever been on the internet will have appeared here well before it hits the likes of Facebook. Since the site has gotten bigger and bigger, a reduction in quality was foreseen as inevitable, but thankfully this never happened. Make sure you check out their regularly changing ‘top ten’. BEST FOR: UNI STUDENTS

TED.COM More videos I’m afraid but these really are worth a watch. The best ones will usually appear on the aforementioned site but if you have a few minutes I really suggest you check out a few of these. They’re effectively just long videos of interesting talks from some really big names such as Dawkins, Feynman and I think even our glorious leader himself, David Cameron.

BEST FOR: PROCRASTINATORS

TOMSHARDWARE .CO.UK Pretty much THE place for hardware reviews. Originally set up simply for computer hardware, it has now expanded into consumer electronics and even gaming. Its reviews are extensive and informative and tech support off its forums is second only to a few other communities. It also has some great ‘how to’ articles and if you ever have a brain aneurism and fancy working with computers, I would start off here. BEST FOR: ANYONE WITH A PENCHANT FOR COMPUTER HARDWARE

NZB sites

PRIVATE TORRENTS

NZBmatrix/NZBsrus/NZBclub.com: three very similar sites, and if you ever thought torrenting was too slow, these are for you. Coupled with a program like ‘GrabIt’ you can max out your connection and get downloads fast, which is great for HD content. You have to pay a one-time membership fee of around £3, but its great value. You can also get music, games and software. Alternatively you can respect those warm hearted behemoths as they are actually, definitely, certainly bloody nice guys. BEST FOR: THE IMPATIENT AND THOSE WITH VIRGIN LINES

Bet you thought PirateBay and Torrentspy were pretty good eh? Welcome to the world of private torrent trackers: Torrentleech, what.cd, Revtt, Demonoid; the list is endless. These websites have small but busy communities with top quality content and fast downloads. All these sites are invite only, and if you don’t maintain a good upload/download ratio, usually around 1.5, you’ll get banned. These systems only work if everyone uploads at least as much as they download. BEST FOR: THOSE WHO THOUGHT THE MATRIX WAS A DOCUMENTARY

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E F I L T NIGH I know this great little place in York...

The House of The Trembling Madness

he House of the Trembling Madness Hidden away behind a shop front on one of York's busiest streets, this medieval hide-away remains free from the hordes of tourists and daytrippers which plague the city's many drinking-spots. It would be easy to ignore the wooden staircase located at the back of the offlicence, but work your way up the stairs and you reach a beautiful 12th century hall. With exposed beams, antlers lining the walls and a roaring log fire, the medieval, rustic setting could not be more removed from the busy high-street outside. Endless hours can be spentsampling the vast array of rare beers and ales on offer and for those, like me, whose knowledge of beer is limited, the barmen are on hand to provide a crashcourse in drinking. Lining

up shot glasses along the bar, I was treated to a tenminute tutorial complete with free tasters. With many of their beers coming in at 8 or 9% I was beginning to feel tipsy even before I'd opened my purse! Luckily, the "House of Trembling Madness" also offers an equally unique food menu with traditional, simple food on offer at reasonable prices. The pies, in particular, are to be recommended and have even received praise from York's very own "Best Steak and Ale Pie" website! For a relaxed, friendly atmosphere in a unique and beautiful setting, The House of the Trembling Madness is the perfect choice. Ellie Wallis

Kuja Bar and Lounge

uja Bar and Lounge is only a few steps away from this historical watering-hole and yet a world apart. Whilst The House of the Trembling Madness revels in old-world charm, Kuja is distinctly modern. Rubbing shoulders with the medieval Barley Hall, Kuja provides a startling contrast with its edgy interior and leather seating. Its discreet location, tucked away in a back-alley off Stonegate, ensures that it remains a hidden oasis just like The House of the Trembling Madness. But that is where the similarities end. The dim lighting and loud music together with the extensive cocktail, wine and champagne menu adds to the urban, sophisticated atmosphere.

FREE-ATRE

t’s part of the biological makeup of a student to be drawn to a bargain. So, as an Aldi enthusiast and someone who routinely overbuys on trips to the supermarket because of tempting 2-for-1 offers, I have to admit to being pretty excited by a recent discovery: York Theatre Royal releases a certain number of free tickets for most of its shows. These free tickets are available for the majority of shows performed at the Theatre Royal, excluding amateur productions. As long as you are aged 24 or under, you are eligible– no need to submit an application or join any theatregoers clubs, no need to even be a regular attendant – all that is required is age ID when you collect the tickets. Easy. These free tickets disappear quite quickly so book well in advance, but even if you fail to get your bargain, most performances cost only £7 for students. I’m definitely not close to giving up the York clubs, but as summer approaches I’m not quite so tempted

by sweaty walls and huge queues. Sitting in the Theatre Royal watching Arthur Miller’s ‘The Crucible’ (7-18th May, by the way) might be a pretty classy alternative... So if you’re looking for a bit of variation, maybe consider spending a sophisticated evening at the theatre. You can always go to Ziggys afterwards. Anna Field

You won't find the House of Trembling Madness' strawberry beer here, but you can choose from an extensive array of cocktails - long, short and straight up. The prices are, however, more suited to the bars of London and a trip to Kuja can do some serious damage to a student's bank balance. A bottle of Dom Perignon accompanied by the haunch of venison with wild mushrooms and chestnuts isn't typical student fodder and it's perhaps best to avoid the food menu, unless you've got your parents in tow. However, if you're looking for an upmarket, elegant bar in which to enjoy a glass of wine or espresso martini, then Kuja will not disappoint. Ellie Wallis

CONFESSIONS OF A YORK STUDENT

aving spent a night in Willow, this guy and I were calling it a night, when we decided to stop off at McDonalds. Unfortunately, this gave him the wrong impression - I enjoy fast foods post-night out, but definitely in no other capacity. In a moment of passion, whilst ordering a McNugget Happy Meal, he picked me up and threw me against the sauces counter for a passionate embrace. I was taken aback but none the less I waited around whilst he finished off his calorific tray. He'd ordered quite a lot of food, so it was 6am before we were ready to leave. Just before we left he went to the loo, leaving me waiting by the door. After about half an hour, when he still hadn't emerged, I began to get a bit concerned. As more and more people came in for breakfast, I was feeling slightly awkward in my short dress ansd heels and was desperate to leave in what I'd hoped would be a great end to a great night. In the end I decided to get one of the employees to force open the toilet door. .. but I instantly regretted my decision. Making small groaning noises, said boy was sitting with his trousers round his ankles and his head between his legs. I decided then and there to call it a night and left him, to the horror of the other diners. Needless to say, I haven't seen

this boy since, nor have I considered touching a McFlurry... Think you have a better story? Email us (anonymously!) at scene@yorkvision. co.uk

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20 QUESTIONS Andrew Clemo

Here it is: the interview they all wanted. 'York Clemo' was the star of this year's University Challenge competition, leading York all the way to the final. Thanks to his 'have a go' mentality and a lightning-speed ability to hit the buzzer, he quickly became a favourite not only in York but in households across the country.

Interview by Dean Knapper The question we all want answering: what’s the secret to your immense knowledge? Some stuff sticks.

Neither, though 'Made in Chelsea' seems like a bad copy.

Paxman - as scary in the flesh as he is on TV? Paxman is a big softie in real life, but in front of the camera it's another story...

Giving its name to an early form of capacitor, which city to the south-west of Amsterdam is home to the Netherlands' oldest university, founded in 1575? Leiden?

What was your favourite subject at school? History, of course!

Do you have any pre-University Challenge rituals? Fish dinner the night before.

You’re a second-year History student, so what’s your favourite period in history, and why? Don't really have a favourite period, sorry!

What’s your question? Not this one.

'The Only Way is Essex' or 'Made in Chelsea'?

favourite

Who’s your favourite author and why? Don't really have one but Tolstoy does amazing characters.

What advice would you give to anyone wanting to take part in University Challenge? Don't be afraid to guess. How do you relax after a successful University Challenge performance? A drink, or two. Favourite nightclub in York? I always seem to end up in Willow. Have you ever considered joining forces with Gail Trimble and taking on those pesky Eggheads? Eggheads would be good, you get money if you win, so maybe... Are

you

20 QUESTIONS

enjoying

your

new-found celebrity status? Overall, yes.

I don't know, time has an odd way of disappearing, maybe a film or a talk.

A senator for 47 years, Edward Kennedy, who died in 2009, lost his only attempt to secure the Democratic presidential nomination against which opponent, who was also the incumbent president? Jimmy Carter.

Who were your favourite opponents on University Challenge and why? Different teams for different reasons... Oxford Brookes were friendly and ran us close, Magdalen for their sterotypical Unichallengeness.

I heard a rumour that 118 forward all their questions straight to you, is this true? No, it's actually the other way round.

What was the first book you ever read? Probably the hungry caterpillar, not the Encyclopedia Britannica.

When you’re not busy learning everything there is to learn, how do you spend your time?

Is this the end of your TV career, or will Clemo-fever live on? We'll see...

Scenesters Scene Editor Jaime Riley Music Editors Edward Francis Stephen Barbagiannis Deputy Music Amy Beecher Film Editors Will Haydon Rachel Pronger Deputy Film Alysia Judge Thomas Martin TV Editors Nicola Chapman Dean Knapper Deputy TV Morgan Collins Rebecca Ojumu Books Editors George Osborne Jasmine Tarmey Technology Editor Jonathan Frost Nightlife Editors Emma Walker Ellie Wallis Deputy Nightlife Anna Field

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News Dark side of the buffoon

aving been slapped with a host of disor der charges including throwing a bin at the royal convoy during the student fees protests in December, the son of Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour is now facing up to five years of jail time, but only after he has fin ished his University exams. Charlie, now 21, was famously pictured during the riots swinging from the Cenotaph on a union flag in a gesture that was widely condemned as disrespectful to the memory of soldiers killed at war. Members of veteran's groups are claiming that the son of the legend behind The Wall and A Momentory Lapse of Reason has been treated too leniently, saying: “if he was anyone else he would be in jail right now, but instead he’s free to finish his exams and better his prospects.” Vision is inclined to argue that strong op portunities won’t compensate for a weak mind.

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ED FRANCIS REVEALS ALL THE LATEST NEWS AND GOSSIP FROM THE MUSIC INDUSTRY

We ain't saying he's a gold digga...

apper Consequence has slammed Kanye West with the claim that he has not been ap propriately recognized for his help in penning some of the Late Registration icon’s best-remembered lyrics. Formerly a close friend of West’s, Consequence believes he has been betrayed by Kanye in recent years through his failure to credit him for the songwriting support that he claims to have provided on a string of hits. In particular, he commented: “one

record that I never got credit for which always stuck out in my mind was that I helped out with some of the rhymes from ‘Champion’. That was my brain thought.” Erm...no doubt.

Guett-a me the pentagon!

ollowing the theft of parts of an upcoming track ‘Where Them Girls At,’ David Guetta has em ployed the services of a Pentagon de tective to look into the subsequent leak of the song. The record, which features con tributions from Nicki Minaj and Flo Rida, was reportedly far from being finished before hackers managed to access the track and release it on line. Guetta, who has suffered earlier attempts to steal works in progress that have involved would-be thieves attempting to crack the Wi-Fi connec tion in the studio, has since told the press that he is worried that his fans

will judge the song in its raw form be fore they get the chance to hear the fi nal product. This severe reaction demonstrates something of a turnaround for the producer, who has previously sup ported giv ing away music for free, and claiming that he was not worried about the effects of online pi racy.

THIS

lowering the tone

hen you think of the phrase “YouTube cult music sensation,” what’s the first thing that springs to mind? A doe-eyed toddler plinking out a Beatles song on a piano? A marching band playing the Shaft theme tune? A buff, masked Canadian drag queen in his late 50s singing self-written songs about gay fantasies? If your answer was the latter, you’re ready for Tonetta. A one-man-coun terculture-revolution, Tonetta’s filth-funk jams are both eerie and endearing all at once - his admirable commitment to just doing what he loves, regardless of whom it freaks out, makes him a must-watch.

MyPod Playlists JASMINE TARMEY investigates how university develops your musical taste and your Ipod playlists

niversity is a place where we are meant to grow up and be made ready to enter the real world, giv ing us the skills we need to get selective jobs and make something of ourselves. However, can it also have an affect on levels which we never expected? Could going to university alter your music taste? Growing up, we are influenced by things such as the tastes of our parents (the Eric Clapton currently com ing from my headphones is courtesy of my dad) and the acts that were catered to our age group (the Spice Girls, Vengaboys, Steps and All Saints still grace my iPod for those days when a regression into childhood is needed). When you are younger and still at school you tend to hang around with people who have similar, or even the same, music taste as you. However, since starting university you are constantly subjected to the music tastes of your housemates. Living in a flat or house with around ten people in first year, it is impossible to never hear the music of your house mates unless everyone walks around with headphones in all the time. I never really thought I’d like hip-hop/R&B or dance music, but after having it blasted through my fresher house at full volume with thin ceiling/floors and even thinner walls, having to listen to it was not a choice. When listening to the music of those around you becomes a natural part of everyday life you find yourself easily taking on these music tastes – if you spend enough time with certain people you pick up their personal hab its or inflections of speech; similarly, if you hear their music taste long enough it does become a part of your

life. There are certain songs I now can’t help but think of specific people when I hear them, because I gained this song, artist or even genre from them. Similarly, in going to friends’ houses, you are once again exposed to, and influenced by, the taste of that friend - or even their housemates. Before university I didn’t like indie at all, but now artists from that genre are a regular on my play lists, because it has become another influence in my life that I have taken on. By listening to my brother’s music when I go home, his music has also entered my life; it’s the same with the things that my parents put on in the house or the car. There are only certain types of song that can be picked up from clubs, music charts and TV channels. With the latter two, you are only really going to listen to the song if you already like the genre or artist. In clubs, the tendency to have different rooms playing different types of music means that you can move around from one to the other when songs come on that you don’t in stantly like. But what about when you don’t have a choice? You can’t change the channel or turn it off, even though you don’t immediately like it, you have no choice but to lis ten, unless you have a volume war by trying to blank out their music with yours, or deafen yourself with loud headphones. Then you actually have to listen to things that you normally wouldn’t. After the first five plays, you might still really dislike it; another five and it starts to get into your head and then a week later you start to ac tually want to hear it. The song becomes integrated into

your life, you are influenced by it, and take it on as your own. At the minute you may hate the music your house mates play, and maybe secretly want to ban them from playing it, or playing at a level you can’t hear, or when you’re not there – but give it time. You may find that you unexpectedly like it - you may discover bands you never even knew existed, and for this you will always be indebt ed to these people. University can change you on many levels, even down to what is on your iPod.

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ANNA CALVI: "JE NE REGRETTE RIEN" SINGLES STEPHEN BARBAGIANNIS talks to ANNA CALVI about her rising stardom...

nna Calvi recently released her eponymous debut album to great critical acclaim, attracting accolades from many, both in and out of the industry. Looking at her varied background, perhaps the singer’s success is not surprising: with an Italian father and parents with an extensive collection of records, Anna could navigate through many genres of music and broaden her musical pallet. She is interested in a vast array of music, and “not just British music in the last 30 years”: this becomes apparent when listening to Anna Calvi, which spans many cultures as well as genres. She is strongly influenced by European songstresses such as Maria Callas and Edith Piaf; this shows itself in Anna’s performances, which are strikingly emotive, with powerful female vocals. Anna is not just a singer, however: she is a more than competent guitarist, self-taught from

a young age. She explains that she was attracted to the guitar over other instruments for its diversity, as it allowed a range of sounds, and the suspense that it could build echoed that of classical music. Anna’s writing is very much centred on extremities – the most prevalent lyrical themes are desire and loss to the composition of the music - an almost whisper to an explosion of sounds. This is what comes naturally to her, she says: it is what she is passionate about. In writing her songs, Anna tries to give as much of herself as possible to the music: this, she says, allows the individual to take what they want from the songs. Anna says that her performances are “very much me” rather than a character: this is hard to believe, speaking to her, as her off-stage persona is very different, softly spoken and unassuming. When performing, Anna tries to approach each performance differ

ently, choosing to interpret the record rather than recreate it, allowing for a unique performance. Before embark ing on her own headline tour, Anna toured supporting acts such as Grind erman and Interpol, and picks out Nick Cave as being great to tour with as she is a huge fan of his stuff. Anna was very complimentary her experience with record label Domino,commenting that they allowed her creative freedom while providing a platform with their expertise which allowed her specific vision to materialise.

fore has it been so easy to find footage of a skateboarding dog, or a man attempting to jump his motorbike over a hedge. But it would be a disservice to the site if we didn’t pay some respect to the incredible music videos

Cut copy - need you (((Carl Craig remix)

arl Craig has taken the Australian synthpop band’s laid-back tune, more than doubled its length and made it into a dance-electro epic, all the while keeping the original’s chilled-out flavour. Upbeat, catchy and definitely worth listening to for 13 minutes, Carl Craig has teased out every nuance in the music, stretching them out to last twice as long as previously. He emphasises the instrumental and adds his own synth that fits perfectly over the top of an already fantastic track.

Charli xcx - Stay away

VISION's YouTube Picks of the Week... ere at Vision, there’s nothing we like more than procrasti nating our way through semi nar reading, essays, or production weekend by browsing the best and the beautiful of YouTube. Never be

HANNAH VOSS reviews the latest releases...

and live-performance footage that is also kicking around in its massive archive. So next time you just can’t take another Family Guy clip, take a peak at some of these; Vision's guide to the best of music on YouTube.

Cinematic Orchestra Keywords: To Build A Home

Notorious BIG vs The xx Keywords: Dead Wrong Intro

This performance features Patrick Watson on vocals and piano backed by the cinematic orchestra. The melody is layered and textured with bursts of crescendo and great vocals. It is cer tainly worth a watch.

This unlikely collaboration teams the simplicity of the xx's guitar hooks with the infamous Notorious BIG's 'Dead Wrong' rap. If you like this one, be sure to check out other tracks such as BIG's 'Juicy' with the xx's 'VCR'.

Queens of the Stone Age Keywords: Millionaire Norwegian Woods Pale, sweaty and sporting a plaster where an IV drip had recently been, a very ill Josh Homme takes to the stage at a festival and, after sharing the story of how his doctor had for bidden him from playing, launches straight into the pounding set opener.

t 15, Charli XCX was making simplistic, childlike electrogrime records about girls who wear Jack Wills. At 18, she has grown up a bit and flaunts a more mature sound. The synths are spacy and almost mystical in their simplicty, and the catchy melody over the top doesn’t hurt. Although the track sounds dark, there remains a hint of sparkle about the song, saving it from becoming boring. The sultry whisper that serves for singing at points throughout the song is especially effective, giving the whole thing a Goldfrapp-esque feel.

blue - I can

part from a bizarre video involving girls wrapped in white bandages and the boys themselves getting altogether too close to each other, the Eurovision 2011 entry holds no surprises. It’s very poppy, with angst-ridden lyrics and a lot of synthesised vocals, along with annoyingly up beat chorus lyrics: “I can, I will, I know, I can”. In terms of a Eurovision entry, it is nothing revolutionary either, and is unlikely to improve our performance. Blue have never deviated from the mainstream and it looks like they have no in tentions of doing so, but whether this single will mark their comeback remains to be seen.

Beady eye - millionaire

Morcheeba Keywords: Big Calm

Anthony and the Johnsons Keywords: Hope There's Someone Live

In this video, Morcheeba builds the track with intricate music laced with subtle rapping. The guitar is brilliant in the song, which has great hooks and won't leave you regretting the six minutes you spent watching.

Say what you will about Anthony Hegarty (the charismatic force behind Anthony and the Johnsons) but his obvious talent and expression through his music is outstanding. In this video, his performance is as genuine and beautiful as you could hope for.

his is the fourth single to come from the band’s debut album Different Gear, Still Speeding. Although it would be easy to assume that anything the four-piece produce will be overshadowed by their former glory as Oasis, ‘Millionaire’ is a strong track in its own right. Inspired by the band’s trip to Spain on tour, the striking guitar riff is equally reminiscent of Oasis album Don’t Believe The Truth and of a sunny Mediterranean setting. The lyrics and the laid-back melody help to vividly paint this picture, combining to produce a summery track that’s not too far from the classic Oasis style, but not quite the same either.

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REVIEWS... Fleet Foxes

THE WOMBATS

Helplessness Blues

This Modern GLitch

t’s been three years since The Wombats released their first album A Guide to Love, Loss and Desperation, and this follow-up is worth the wait. Their debut quite passed me by, and it was only after hearing This Modern Glitch’s lead single ‘Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves)’ that I gave them any attention. Surprisingly the album’s first single was released in September, over half a year before the album dropped, with follow up singles ‘Jump Into the Fog’ and ‘Anti-D’ following in January and April respectively. The difference of sound between not only these newer songs and their older debut material, but also between this newer material itself, made it hard for both fans and critics to know what to expect when the album finally came out. I’m not really an avid indie fan - the genre as a whole doesn’t really appeal but This Modern Glitch gave me a high er appreciation for music I previously thought overrated. The album has more of a synth-pop feel than straight-laced indie, but despite the dance music feel, the upbeat and happy music nicely juxtaposes with Matthew Murphey’s stark, sad, even angry lyrics. This is most notable

in ‘Tokyo’ and ‘Jump Into the Fog,’ where Murphey sings about escaping to a place where life was simpler, and of wanting to take risks but fearing the consequences. This contrast of energetic music with darker lyrics maintains the comicality of the band who did not want to be taken too seriously. While ‘Tokyo’ is the most dance-synth-indie hybrid track, the rest flow around it, taking its lead. Admit tedly, ‘Anti-D’ has a more moody backing track, which, alongside the sadder lyrics, breaks the album’s pace and stands apart from an otherwise well put together record, making you want to take an antidepressant rather than letting Murphey, and the song, be one for you. However, this does not ruin an album that is well worth a listen, for indie- and non-indie fans alike, and given the contrast be tween their debut and sophomore releas es, I am quite interested to see what The Wombats will do next.

JASMINE TARMEY

here is something timeless about Fleet Foxes. Trademark close harmonies and grand natural imagery render their sound incredibly fresh and strangely nostalgic. The closest reference point would be the Beach Boys, if they had been banned from Californian sands and locked in a monastery, and told to contem plate their mortality. Their debut album caused a stir in 2008, leading to a minor surge in sales of plaid shirts and beard-growing. As a result, Help lessness Blues is one of the most highly anticipated albums of the year; thankfully it lives up to this anticipation. From opening track ‘Montezuma,’ it is clear we are on familiar ground. Robin Pecknold’s wonderfully ringing voice cuts straight to the bone with a startling opening senti ment: “So now that I’m older/ Than my mother and father/ when they had their daughter/ Now what does that say about me?” This preoccupation with ageing and passage of time helps shape the album. It may rankle slightly to hear the twenty fiveyear-old Pecknold lamenting that “my borrowers debt is the

only regret of my youth” on ‘Bedouin Dress,’ but thankfully the album as a whole is so beautiful you won’t even notice. This is music about big questions, but it is never difficult to listen to. Fleet Foxes know how to craft a beautiful melody, as the lovely lilt of ‘Lorelai’ or glorious meanderings of ‘Sim Sala Bim’ will testify. The latter is especially uplifting, with understated verses building to a brilliant noodling guitar passage that is a wonderful brief respite from those distinctive harmonies. The title track, though, remains the most spectacular song. From captivating opening to bravura finish, Helplessness Blues encapsulates everything that is so special about Fleet Foxes, superbly negotiating the fine line between sentimentality and optimism. Across the land, young professionals, dressed like they live in log cabins, will be rejoicing.

RACHEL PRONGER

Beastie Boys Hot Sauce Committee pt. 2

elayed for two years by frontman MCA’s battle with lymphoma, the highly-anticipated new offering from the New York rap-rockers is some thing of a classic sugar rush: instantly addictive, fizzing with raw energy, but ultimately slightly sparse on substance and likely to leave you a little burned out after it’s over. From opening track ‘Make Some Noise’ to frenetic closer ‘The Lisa Lisa/ Full Force Routine’, the misleadingly ti tled Hot Sauce Committee Pt. 2 (there is no part one) races out of the blocks at full pace and never lets up, drowning in sludgy fuzz bass, wah-wah guitars and tripping drum loops that sustain a level of pounding funk that is both reminis cent of and coming close to surpassing the Beastie’s ‘90s output. In terms of sheer instrumental power and crackle, you probably won’t hear many more impressively put together albums this year. Where the whole thing falls slightly short, however, is in its lack of ingenuity. Considering that Hot Sauce Committee represents a return to lyricism after the

Fight Like APes The Body of Christ and the Legs of Tina Turner

Grammy-winning 2004 release The MixUp, the sheer wit and originality exhibitied on the group’s earlier works isn’t quite repeated here, though a few choice lines do stand out, like the self-aping “We’re gonna party for the motherfuckin’ right to fight!” It doesn’t help that the vocals are buried slightly low in the mix on every track. Generally, however, the album on the whole cannot really be considered bad by any stretch of the imagination. As gems like the dub-inspired, Santigoldfeaturing ‘Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win’ illustrates, Beastie Boys still have the same power to pull a rabbit out of their sideways caps that they always had. Indeed, with summer just closing in the horizon, it’s hardly an inappropriate time for a sweet sugar rush right now.

ED FRANCIS

ight Like Apes are going to be a love/hate phenom enon. Completely and una shamedly mental, the new wave/ punk band hail from Dublin and are fronted by the awesome May Kay. They have been hailed by NME as “the rowdiest live band in the world” and, having caught one of their early gigs in Camden Barfly a couple of years ago, I’m in a position to contest that. Fight Like Apes’s hyperactive energy is present throughout this new offering. Lead track ‘Come on, Let’s Talk About Our Feelings’ is a catchy, fast-paced romp saturated in synths, topped by May Kay’s powerful voice (and consistently nonsensical lyrics). Their manic style often crescendos into discordant and disorderly chaos at the end of a track, and you can almost hear the invisible audience being

whipped into frenzy - the finale at the gig I attended involved instruments being demolished and the denouement of most tracks could definitely prompt some damage being inflicted. Elements almost resemble a video-game soundtrack, and an odd tradition survives from the first album of using samples that sound like snippets from old movies to introduce tracks. This is notably present on the slower and more melodic ‘Waking up with Robocop,’ as well as ‘Pull Off Your Arms and Let’s Play In Your Blood,’ while ‘Jenny Kelly’ is a highlight. Fight Like Apes defy descrip tion and have to be heard to be believed. Their oddball sound may take some getting used to, but it’s anything but boring.

AMY BEECHER

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TECHNOLOGY NIGHTLIFE 20 QUESTIONS Ed Francis'

PUSHING IT is gaga going too far? jasmine tarmey examines limits and boundaries....

ady Gaga has always created quite a storm in the music world, and with her new album only weeks away from dropping we all await what she does next. From the ‘meat dress’ incident to arriving to an awards show inside of an egg, Gaga has always lived up to her name, and pushed boundaries more than most artists would ever dare. However, despite trying to be anything but mundane, Gaga has also come under fire for the links made between her and other pop icons of today’s, and previous, eras. Most recently her latest single ‘Born This Way’ has been likened to Madonna’s 1989 hit ‘Express Yourself ’, with Gaga and her producers hitting back against the claims. Instead they dismissed the similarities stating that there are currently numerous other songs played on the radio and televised music channels with similar beats and chord progression, but no one is comparing those artists to Madonna – needless to say which artists and which songs they are meaning remains unknown. While ‘Born This Way’ may not intentionally be a homage to ‘Express Yourself ’ both songs do provide a message of empowerment. Madonna may tell listeners that they ‘deserve the best in life’ but her song is mainly aimed at female listeners, and telling them how to get their man. In comparison, Lady Gaga’s song is accessible to all people of all walks of life, neither a specific gender or sexuality takes focus. Comparisons between the two artists are unavoidable. Like Gaga, Ma-

donna has always tried to push the boundaries of the industry, to take her art form further than other artists have dared, and has become in the process the queen of reinvention from the dance album Confessions on a Dancefloor to the country-esque album Music she has switched up genres with her image. Gaga may be, so far, refined to the dance/pop music genre, and her image can always be described as ‘outrageous’ but she is just taking what Madonna did, and doing it in a modern day culture. If Gaga came out under her real name Stefani Germanotta, and had a normal pop appearance, it wouldn’t be long before she was likened to Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, or Kylie Minogue. However, her constant insistence that she is her own artist and is not like anyone else does make you question how she views herself. Taking note from previous pop icons, Gaga is moving in the same vein. Whilst she does have input into her music, she is not a musician of the kind who writes every chord progression and riff of every song, all the lyrics, and everything in between. She may have creative input, but her work is highly technologically produced. In a world where everything is just a version of something else, it is impossible to be so original. They may have a completely different style of music, but American rock group Kiss used outrageous stage antics, and make-up, Ozzy Osbourne bit off the head off of a bat – Lady Gaga faking being bitten in the neck by her

backing dancer and dying in a pool of blood is an updated version of this scandalous act, but it fails to overshadow the drama which stemmed from Ozzy’s act. Her constant aim to push boundaries and incense certain groups with her performances makes you wonder when she will eventually get to a point where there is nowhere else left to go. Her newest single ‘Judas’ could easily regenerate the Madonna comparisons. It is merely an updated version of ‘Like a Prayer’, pushing the limits of blasphemy in order to gain media attention. The ‘meat dress’ disgusted animal rights people everywhere, and any vegetarian/vegan fans she had. Gaga may have intended to send out a message regarding human rights, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that she literally wore the flesh of something else. However given that her actions now, to me at least, are unsurprising, will she remain headline and news worthy for long? Since her Monster’s Ball tour has been ongoing since 2009, it is interesting to see where she will go and what type of show she will provide. Her latest prosthetic wearing act could lead to some quirky stage looks, but then again, this is what the fans expect, through constantly pushing boundaries she has become, unwillingly, predictable. Potentially, in order to stay shocking, Gaga’s next album will see more of an acoustic turn, with the singer turning up in jeans and a button down shirt, sitting on the stage, and just singing…

GETTING STUCK IN AMY BEECHER looks at the perks and muddy pitfalls festival work

o begin with – I’m not going to contend that if you get the opportunity to work at a music festival this summer, you shouldn’t grab your chance and run screaming towards the nearest fluorescent uniform. A free pass and earning some cash on top is a no-brainer, so when I got the chance to sell programmes at Reading Festival last year I was thrilled. As a life-long Glastonbury baby (in attendance all years of its occurrence, in utero to sixteen), I’d graduated to Reading as my independent festival experience with my then-boyfriend. However, having barely scraped tickets off Scarlet Mist days before in a complete misuse of my savings account the preceding year, this job offer rescued my prospects of attending any festival. I was actually being paid to attend! My expectations of what the festival employee experience would be like were perhaps a little high. I imagined we’d turn up in the blazing sunshine, kitted out in our sunglasses, straw hats and completely unnecessary wellingtons, programmes flying out of our hands in those of the smiling masses who’d gathered to fill our pockets. This

plan was confounded upon arrival as the heavens opened into the kind of monsoon I’d only ever seen on the Discovery Channel. Instead of cowering in our tent with a few crates of cider like the rest of the festival populace, duty called, and we made our way to the mud-saturated cabin that constituted our office. Donning vast yellow t-shirts bearing the legend “OFFICIAL FESTIVAL PROGRAMMES £7”, we went out to accost the poor sods labouring under massive loads of luggage or struggling to construct tents whilst fighting against a rising tide of mud. How do you imagine you’d react – caked in mud, squinting through torrential rain, resembling some sort of cross between the “festival fashion” pages of Cosmopolitan and a beloved family dog recently rescued from drowning– to a pair of equally miserable teenagers trying to sell you a tiny scrap of laminated plastic for the better part of a tenner? Reactions ranged from straightforward abuse, to being ignored, to those gleefully shaking print-outs of the running order under our noses, with the most common being an incredulous “Seven pounds?

For that?” Eventually, sick of expressing empathy, I just took to telling them “Yes, well they wanted to give them out for free, but I made sure to push the price up!” I will also unashamedly admit that I was terrible at the job. The constant rejection and hours of trudging wore me down, and by the second morning as we squeezed on the same freezing, sodden shirts from the day before I was ready to tear off my money-belt and spend the rest of the weekend weeping in a muddy puddle. There’s no doubt we could have earned more than we did – if only I could have embodied the particular charms of the legend of the group, a middle-aged hippy woman with pink hair whose eccentric charms meant that she was shifting wheelie bins of programmes while we had trouble emptying our satchels. However, I’m still incredibly grateful that they’re funding my habit by inviting me back to work again this year, and come this summer I’ll wear that hideous t-shirt with pride. This time, though, I’m praying for sun.

BITCH

nyone who’s bothered to read this column in depth before may have noted that, in my analysis of the music of certain popular artists of the day, I have tended somewhat towards harsh cynicism. To atone for my rather un-evenhanded approach and restore a little balance to the section, I thought I’d use the space in this edition to instead give a little recognition to a band I feel truly merit praise: a duo of musical virtuosos whose thoughtfully composed output is so rich, textured and consistently entertaining that the mere thought of it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside - The Ting Tings. Members of the popular press less generous and benevolent than I have tended over the years to describe The Ting Tings a pair of utterly nauseating shysters who’s 2-minute ringtones are the worst thing to happen to music possibly ever. Much attention has been paid to the fact that front-lady Katie White is seemingly so bereft of any kind of talent that the fact that she can even hold a guitar the right way up is something of a miracle. Fie on these non-believers! I find nothing but charm in Ms White abject inability to do anything correctly at all, and her band’s tendency towards extreme turd-polishing with kalaedoscopic, seizure-inducing videos. Indeed, when I discovered that Katie White had written “mega-super-floorfilling-dancefloor-asssaulting-OMG-lykjust-listen-to-this-coz-we-say-so party anthem” (NME, 2008) ‘Great DJ’ by playing a D chord wrong and thinking “f*ck it, that kinda works”, how I tittered with glee at her ditzy wiles! I certainly did not sit with an ashen face thinking of the hundreds of immensely technically skilled youngsters out there whose painstakingly constructed works are shat all over time and time again by flavour of the monthers who literally care so little about the music that they wouldn’t save it from a burning house. It’s not your fault if you’ve been duped by the Ting Tings though. Having had a quick nostalgia shuffle through first album We Started Nothing (perhaps the most apt title I’ve ever heard for a work so bereft of originality or ingenuity), I’m struck by the deeply hypnotic quality of each track. Though it’s much more likely that I sense of “let’s get this done quickly yahhhh, I’ve got a photoshoot with Q at 5” is to blame for the empty, thumpingly repetitive nature of the band’s lyrics, by the time I got around to hearing that looping, interminable refrain of ‘That’s Not My Name’, I started to wonder if the Ting Tings are perhaps masters of the human psyche with a dastardly plan to breed addiction to their appalling output. Don’t have the foggiest as to how they’ve managed to sell anything otherwise.

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Anna Calvi Fibbers, York

isted on the BBC's sound of 2011 and appearing on Later with Jools Holland are just two of the feats that Anna Calvi has to her name. Backed by supporting acts Grouplove and Big Deal she performed at Fibbers. This was not an audience fuelled on raging hormones and alcohol but rather based on sophistication and talent. Many of the student community seemed to pass-over this up-and-coming star as an older generation occupied much of the audience this time. However, this was a clear sign that musical appreciation had succeeded over the endless advertising that seems to dominate the stage. In an arena dominated by the constant churning of the same kinds of music, Anna proved she was not one of those who simply come from a bottle. Her virtuoso guitar in-

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05/05/11 troduction set the mood for a highly charged atmosphere which quickly captivated the crowd as she began her unique strumming technique. Despite the sexual nature of her performance, Anna relied more on her talent than her good looks to mesmerise her audience. Her delicate voice seemed to disappear as her classical voice was laced with a multitude of entrées, which combined colourfully to create a sound that was both operatic and seemingly haunting. Her range of voice spanned from lower pitches, often in a crescendo to soprano levels; adding to the eruptive tension. The beginning of her set was, perhaps, stronger than her end, with songs such as "Rider to the Sea" and "Suzanne and I" receiving a rapturous appreciation from the audience. However, Anna finished with "Love Won't Be Leaving", although enjoyable, felt disjointed by an instrumental a few bars too long to provide a fitting end for such a credible artist. With the audience teeming for more, and seemingly on her every whim, Anna came back with an encore of "Jezebel": a song inspired by Edith Piaf. Perhaps it is because she has such a quiet personality with such a powerful voice that makes Anna one to look out for. Her Eros, humility and mystery combine to make her an artist to easily fall in love with.

MATT PENDLINGTON

The Stranglers

26/03/11

Kylie MEN, Manchester

opularity in the music industry has an expiration date, but over 20 years on Kylie Minogue remains unstoppable. Aphrodite: Les Foiles is her eleventh tour and with a constantly growing fan-base there are no signs of her slowing down or running out. Emerging in the late 80's Kylie has become a master of reinvention to stay the undisputed Pop Princess in a constantly changing music scene. Through Madonna, Britney Spears, and Lady Gaga pop music is synonymous with revealing outfits and risqué acts to stay current and in the spotlight, but when Kylie hit the road with her latest album she proved that an amazing show and undeniable fame can still be achieved with decency and class. Playing a two hour fully live set, including three impromptu crowd-requested acapella songs, Kylie proved that she's still got it. The crowd were undeniably energetic and when singing 'If You Don't Love Me' the constant cries of 'We love you Kylie' from loyal, supportive fans overwhelmed the down-to-earth singer so much that she ended the song in tears capturing the heart of all audience members. The show was a treat for the eyes as well as ears with dazzling and ex-

04/04/11 clusively designed Dolce and Gabbana costumes, whilst a well balanced set of new songs and classics ensured that everyone was pleased. Greek/ Roman goddess was naturally Aphrodite's over-all theme, but there were still some surprises. During 'Looking for an Angel' Kylie flew over the stage and crowd on a the back of a winged dancer and for 'Slow' part of the stage tiled upwards and revolved with dancers laid in a circle around her performing synchronised routines. However, none of this compared to the grand finale of 'All the Lovers' where the front ring of the stage became a circled tier with Kylie on the top of a 'mountain' of backing dancers, complete with a water-pool base, fountains and jets. Kylie may be a veteran of the pop world, but she is a master of it too, the reigning goddess of the industry does not disappoint, leaving fans in awe, and always wanting more.

JASMINE TARMEY

MAMMAL CLUB

Academy, Manchester

he Stranglers were preceded by very enjoyable support acts, most notably Wilko Johnson (ex Dr Feelgood) who is now performing under his own name alongside Norman Watt Roy, the excellent ex- bassist from The Blockheads. His music was very blues inspired with the bass and drums providing a platform with some real funk rhythms for Wilko to contribute guitar hooks in his trademark style. The Stranglers gave the audience a 'peak preview' of what was coming up appearing during Wilko's set with only a pair of sturdy shoes and a balloon to cover their dignity. It was a full house and the audience were mainly middle aged; fans from the first time they were touring over 30 years ago who clearly knew their stuff recognising songs barely a bar into the introduction. The gig was the last of a three week tour of the country and the band seemed ready to enjoy themselves. The set was relentless with song after song leaving barely room to breathe. There was a balanced mix from their vast catalogue from the punk stuff to the more new wave: all flowing. It started with 'I Feel Like A W*g', before ending an hour and a half later with an encore to the delights of the audience of 'All Day And All Of The Night' and 'No More Heroes', filled with plenty in between such as other favourites along

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with some lesser known, but equally enjoyable, tracks. The nature of some of the more punky songs - youthful rebellion sometimes seemed a little hopeful as the ageing band members showed thinning hair, though the same couldn't be said for their waistlines. However, this didn't seem to matter to the crowd as the performance was flawless and the audience were lapping it all up. All in all, the gig was very enjoyable with a tight, well-executed performance from an excellent band.

STEPHEN BARBAGIANNIS

ou couldn’t pinpoint Mammal Club’s exact genre of music because they are so unique and original. They have asked for suggestions themselves and according to lead singer, Wilson, “ABBAcore was my favourite out of our fan's suggestions” because Abba is one of the band’s inspirations. The foursome have harnessed their musical talents for years, previously known as The Eyejab they are now reborn as Mammal Club. Recently, Mammal Club held a secret gig in Newcastle so fans could preview the new four track ‘Au’ Ep in their personal practice space, the ‘lock up’.Wilson explained: “My favourite gigs we do are the ones down at our practice room. It's an amazing space”. The set started with a burst of energy from a harmony of guitars and rhythmic drum beats. The music included an eclectic mixture of electric tones and guitar harmonies. With Wilson’s vocals and keyboard player, Calum’s chords the sound was like no other band out there at the moment. The music’s electric energy could be felt in the crowd, where heads nodded and bodies danced or tried to (the floor wasn’t very stable in there). They evoke an energetic burst of excitement when they play because the harmonies are so powerful and intense.

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Lead singer, Wilson’s energy onstage is contagious.With such songs entitled, ‘Put your Fears in Order’, the band writes and composes all of their own music. Wilson explained: “We always aim to try and make complexity sound simple. It's kind of our mission statement”. “I take influence from popular science. I think there's an awful lot of un-mined beauty in science that not enough artists contemplate”. Mammal Club is a new twist on the modern era of the ‘band’, instead of image as the main emphasis, their music is what makes Mammal Club special. Wilson explained: “We try as much as we can to let our music and lyrical content do all of our talking”. See Mammal Club play at Evolution Festival in Newcastle on May 28th or buy "The Au EP" available on iTunes or CD.

AILSA MACMILLAN

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BYRNE BABY BURN VISION speaks to Dublin funnyman Ed Byrne about his latest tour, becoming a father, and Mark Lamarr...

ecently spotted out and about in York city centre, Irish funnyman Ed Byrne is one celebrity who still lives in the real world. Moving away from his once observational style of stand up, the Dublin born comedian specialises in the comedy of the everyday, mocking families, parents, and students alike. Byrne recently became a father and now says his comedy has a more ‘parental’ and authoritative approach. “I have always talked about families and children; things like kids wanting to wear age-inappropriate clothing, but I think my tales now have more clout, and come from a fatherly perspective rather than just the ramblings of some Irish idiot.” And it seems that this approach is successful for Byrne. The Sunday Telegraph have described him as “at the top of his game”, whilst the Evening Standard have referred to him as “a class apart”. His tour is selling out fast, with dates still at Blackpool, Liverpool and Newcastle still to come. But it hasn’t always been easy for Byrne. He’s been on the circuit for 12 years and has only received mainstream recognition in the last few. “I did a sitcom in Ireland in 2001 and it wasn’t very well received. Then I did the Carphone Warehouse adverts, and gradually made my way onto shows like Mock the Week and Have I Got News For You. It’s been a while.” Also dancing for Comic Relief this year, Byrne is clearly multitalented. He’s starred in a multitude of television programmes, from Father Ted to ITV2’s Aladdin pantomime. His first appearance, however, was on Blind Date.. as a contestant. Now happily married, Byrne says: “I think it’s fair to say I’ve moved on, but everybody else seems to remember it!” Byrne was recently made a supporter of the British Humanist Association, and touches on the subject in his latest show. “I do talk about it briefly in the show [Crowd Pleaser]. I’m an atheist because I don’t believe in God. It’s the religion part of organised religion that I don’t like, not the organisation.” For those who aren’t interested in atheism or religious issues, Crowd Pleaser also touches on “being a nerd, owning a cat, meeting your heroes, and becoming a dad”. His support act is Karl Spain, a fellow Irishman from Limerick. He is described as “self-depricating” and focuses on laddish aspects of life; as Byrne was famous for many moons ago. When asked about his career progression, Byrne remarked: “don’t piss off Mark Lamarr; that wasn’t the best career move”. Although he wouldn't fear going on Never Mind the Buzzcocks once again, he is afraid of "being upside down, underground. I'm not sure why being upside down makes it worst but it definitely does! Being "roasted" by Davina McCall was also pretty terrifying, I was pretty scared beforehand but I think it all worked out." What else gets Ed's nose up? "When you can't get your McDonald's breakfast at one minute past 10.30am. That drive me mad! A Big Mac is so, so far from a replacement for an egg and sausage muffin. I also hate my neighbour's dog and various kids who cause nuisance when I'm about and about. I'm becoming a grumpy old man.. I'm too old to be an angry young man!"

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FILM HAYDON ON CAGE

se the words “Nicolas Cage” and “good actor” in a sentence and you will not get a good response. He’s one-dimensional, you’ll be told - too earnest, an over-actor. I would disagree. The problem, I think, isn’t with Cage, but with us: when we think of what makes a great actor, we think of those masters of understated, subtle, or nuanced performances; of Pacino, De Niro, or Day-Lewis. But Nicolas Cage isn’t anything like his contemporaries. He sets no store by understatement - everything he does is full-throttle. It doesn’t matter if he’s working with the Coen brothers (Raising Arizona) or voicing a mole called Speckles (G-Force), he will give his all in each and every performance. This is where the problem lies. It doesn’t really matter that Cage has been in some terrible movies – I can count on one finger the number of good movies starring Robert De Niro from this last decade. The difference is that De Niro can distance himself from his role. His Meet The Fockers character can watch his son-in-law’s foreskin drop into his fondue and react with a detached grimace. Cage would have torn the place up. He is committed to each role, regardless of the script’s quality. While on the one hand it can lead to cringe-inducingly passionate performances – Youtube “Nicolas Cage losing his shit” to see what I mean – it is this commitment that produces his best roles. In Face/Off he mutates from lunatic into long-suffering family man; in Adaptation he plays both a shy, neurotic writer and his loud, confident twin. In both films, the strength is not in Cage’s individual performances, but in how confidently and naturally he switches between them. He fills each character with unique quirks and personality traits, to the point that you would be forgiven for mistaking them for different actors. This expressiveness is the cornerstone of Cage’s acting talent. No other actor could convey inner anguish so vividly and consistently. The next time you see a film of his, notice how completely he channels his character through his body movements or facial contortions. Despite the wild flamboyance of his acting, not a single movement is wasted. You’ll see it in his critically acclaimed works, like Raising Arizona and Leaving Las Vegas, but you’ll also see it in the clunkers. Wicker Man, for example, did not sink because of Cage’s performance, it sunk despite it. This is ultimately the problem with Nicolas Cage and his reputation; it is very difficult to separate the actor from the film. It doesn’t matter how powerful his performance, bad writing or directing will ruin any film. Next time you hear Cage’s talents being underappreciated, chances are it is not the man’s acting that was at fault, but his ability to pick a well-written script.

Groundhog Day in Hollywood

ALYSIA JUDGE shows how film-makers are losing their creative edge through a ruthless pursuit of profit

ollywood: where gleaming stu- is full of frauds pilfering each other's so it’s the safe bets that get the investdios pour forth gold dust out ideas - I understand that there are a fi- ments to become blockbusters. Even the into the perfumed air (Michael nite number of plotlines. However, the posters that advertise these products Kors's 'Very Hollywood,' of course) and summer-blockbuster formula is more of the Hollywood machine are about straight into the glazed eyeballs of the reconstituted than those pencils made as varied as Derek Zoolander's poses. popcorn-munching masses. It's the Mecca from twice-recycled paper cups, and like Essentially, Hollywood is not a meltof movie creativity, the home of heavy- the pencils, they are never as good as ing pot of creative genius anymore; rathweights such as Alfred Hitchcock and Or- the original and you soon regret your er it has become a giant vat of factory son Welles, and yet behind the glitz is an purchase. After a trilogy of Pirates of fluid being poured into generic moulds army of corporate drones coughing and the Caribbean movies that apparently created by corporate giants behind the wheezing from pumping out the same ge- tied up every conceivable loose end, movie magic. Any flare of originality neric 'gold dust' that we ingest so readily. should they really be ripped open again? (like the successes of the first few superTake a look at one of the highestThe problem is that Hollywood is hero movies) is seized upon and exploited. grossing films of late, hailed by audi- obsessed with profit (gold dust doesn't I have nothing against recycling; even ences as a beacon of originality: Avatar. come cheap), so the movie franchises Shakespeare borrowed the storylines of Despite stunning graphics, its chastise- that make the most money (superhero existing works to create his own masment of man's exploitation of nature and movies, 3D releases) are pumped out terpieces. However, he did not go on to lust for riches is nothing new. The '90s with profit as the top priority, not plot. make a Romeo and Juliet 2, where in an cartoon Ferngully already covered this, The less risky the film, the better, and alternate reality the lovers live and now where scantily-clad fairy Crysta embark on a race across England shrinks down Zack (an employee (with many unnecessary horseof a nefarious deforestation comand-cart chase scenes) to escape pany) to fairy size and passes him the clutches of Tibalt (who didn't off as one of her own people. He die after being stabbed by Romeo is shown the wonders of the colbecause he secretly is a robot). It ourful rainforest, learning the would not work for Shakespeare, ways of Crysta's kin while jumpand it does not work for Hollywood. ing into puddles that magically light up, until the grand finale, in Do you agree with Alysia? Is Holwhich Zack unites Crysta's peolywood losing its mojo? Email us at ple against the evil corporate mafilm@yorkvision.co.uk or visit us at chine. Remind you of anything? yorkvision.co.uk to let us know what I'm not saying that Hollywood you think. Spot the difference: Bruce Willis repeats himself

If you liked

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Dir. Sean Penn Dir. Danny Boyle story is that it is so sprawling. Over two misguided and arrogant 'heroes,' who 27 Hours was one of the finest reyears he roamed several states, meeting find themselves in dangerous circumleases of 2010, a distinctive adrenanumerous characters along the way and stances through their naive and selfish line hit from the inimitable Danny even at one stage illegally paddling a individualism. Nonetheless, James FranBoyle. The real triumph of the picture kayak down the Colorado river. However, co brings charisma to Ralston, allowing was the way Boyle managed to transform these exploits are framed by flashbacks to the empathy that is essential to such a a potentially mind-numbing scenario, his troubled family life and flash forwards character central picture. Emile Hersh's the 127 hours hiker Aron Ralston spent to the 'Magic Bus' in Alaska as he attempts portrayal of McCandless is perhaps even trapped down a canyon in Utah, into a to live off the land. Just as Boyle uses more impressive, intensely capturing compelling spectacle. Cinema-goers who flashbacks and fantasy sequences to the motivations of this complex charendured the gore, and were rewarded by remove the viewer from Ralston's acter and losing weight to reflect his a moving denouement, should consider canyon, Penn uses temporal tricks character's emaciation. checking out another true life story that to remind us of what McCandless Ultimately it is the stunning perhas been rendered into a powerful cinehas left behind and of the bleak formances of these two leads matic experience by a big-name director. circumstances he will eventually that make the films work. Into The Wild, directed by film star find himself in. Without empathy, these real Sean Penn, was released in 2007 to conBoth films are delife dramas of survival siderable critical fanfare. Like 127 Hours, fined by remarkable could be hard work, but in the film tells a true story, that of Chrisperformances in reality both films topher McCandless, who travels across lead roles that work brilliantly America pursuing his dream of perfect are often reduced as moving testasolitude and ends up living in a bus in to monologue. ments to human the Alaskan wilderness. Neither McCanresilience. While the challenge with Ralston's dless or Ralston story was turning confinement in a sinare especially RACHEL gle location into an entertaining expelikable; they are PRONGER rience, the problem with McCandless's Emile Hersh in Into The Wild (2007)

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Dir. Joe Wright

The Atonement director's edgy take on the assassin flick leaves STEPHEN PUDDICOMBE underwhelmed

bout half an hour into Joe Wright's new film Hanna, there's a scene in which the title character looks reflectively around the secluded Moroccan desert she now finds herself in, and seems to ask the question: now what? Unfortunately it is a question that remains unanswered. The film never quite makes its mind up, and we are left following Hanna as she travels from location to location, without ever establishing a clear focus. The film opens with sixteen-year-old Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) and her adult guardian Erik Heller (Eric Bana) living somewhere in remote, icy Northern Finland, where Erik is training her to become an assassin (parallels to Kick-Ass are apparently unintended). Her target is Marissa Wiegler (Cate Blanchett), a sinister, straight-faced CIA agent. Hanna soon announces that she is 'ready', putting into motion the task she has spent her life training for. First she allows herself to be traced and captured by the CIA, before escaping and killing who she believes to be Marissa, but who we realise is in fact a body-double. It is after this entertaining sequence that

Thor

Dir. Kenneth Branagh

nother Marvel production reaches the big-screen, with Chris Hemsworth as the hammer-wielding 'God of thunder'. An impressive cast also boasts two Oscar winners: Natalie Portman as Jane, Thor's astrophysicist love interest; and Anthony Hopkins as Thor's father, Odin. Thor is banished to Earth when he inadvertently revives a war between Odin-ruled Asgard and the Frost Giants of Jotunheim. Jane finds a dazed Thor in the middle of the desert and he embarks on a voyage of 'self-discovery'. With trouble ensuing in Asgard, Thor finds himself required to be a hero. It is a beautiful film, with first-class cinematography immersing the audience in the mesmerising, yet delightfully tacky, Asgard. Kat Dennings, as Jane's side-kick Darcy, injects much-needed humour alongside great action sequences. There is also some strong acting, with a ripped Hemsworth superbly portraying the egotistical but loyal Thor. But it is Tom Hiddleston who steals the limelight, somehow generating real empathy as the manipulative Loki. The film has its drawbacks, with a patchy script and predictable plot. Slow motion shots are overused, the score is overwhelming and the film is too long. Yet despite these reservations, there are enough twists to keep the audience entertained. Thor may not be groundbreaking but it is visually stunning and full of charm. SARAH GREEN

Hanna tentatively emerges from the interior of CIA base and into the Moroccan desert. Hereafter the film's focus switches alternately between Marissa's pursuit of Hanna and the girl's first impressions of the world outside of the snowy-wilderness. The constantly changing setting jars the flow of the film, jumping from one to the other before we have any time to settle. The is not helped either by the sudden shifts in tone; one minute Hanna and her new friend Sophie (Jessica Barden) are girlishly trading friendship bracelets and flirting with Spanish hunks, the next she is making herself at home in a hippy-magician's fairytale cottage. The result is a film that feels disjointed and unsure of what exactly it wants to be. At times Hanna feels like a coming-ofage story, as the young assassin explores friendship, unfamiliar culture, and the reality behind her family background. But all this seems in vain, as by the end Hanna does not appear to have developed at all as a character, something Wright seems slyly aware of when he makes obvious parallels with the film's

opening scene. It is difficult to really warm to her, which perhaps is the point (a motif of the film is the line 'I just missed your heart'), but the lack of emotional engagement is ultimately unsatisfying. There are a few thrills, complemented by a slick Chemical Brothers soundtrack, as well as the occasional laugh. The problem is that Hanna is trying hard not to be a simple revenge thriller, but at the same time just falls short of the intelligence and invention necessary rise above the vapid blockbuster. Although fairly entertaining, and often laudably resistant to cliché, by the film's conclusion we are simply left wondering what the point of it all was.

Water For Elephants

Arthur

Dir. Francis Lawrence

or all its faux glamour, the circus can be a bleak place, and it is this bleakness that Water For Elephants highlights with a stark picture of the itinerant lifestyle. Adapted from Sara Gruen's novel, the film follows Jacob Jankowski (vampire du jour Robert Pattinson), a veterinary student who runs away after the death of his parents. Hopping on the first train that passes by, he finds himself in the company of the failing Benzini Brothers Circus. As Jacob impresses zealous circus boss August Rosenbluth (Christoph Waltz), he finds himself training an elephant who understands Polish, and inconveniently falling in love with the boss's wife Marlena (Reese Witherspoon). Despite an eventful plot, the film is let down by the uninspiring chemistry between Witherspoon and Pattinson, an abrupt and undeveloped relationship. Pattinson in particular appears flat. As the film progresses along its tightrope, it is Academy award-winner Waltz who saves the day, blending passion, rage, and humour into a morally dubious character, with echoes of his role in Inglorious Basterds. Tantalising cinematography captures the contrast between the deprivation of the Great Depression and glitz of the circus. It is this visual inventiveness, combined with cute tricks from the elephant and Waltz's intensity, that renders Water for Elephants an enjoyable, if insubstantial, watch. ARJUN KHARPAL

Dir. Jason Winer

ollowing on from the 1981 original, Arthur has all the birthmarks of a remake, in particular a strong cast overcompensating for everything else. Yet even the casting has gone tits up. Russell Brand inherits the role of Arthur from Dudley Moore, playing alongside Helen Mirren as supernanny Hobson. Roll on the British stereotypes. It’s a little bit upsetting that this is the deal Brand cut with the Dark One, to be revered in America, but only as a puppet of reinforcing some dreadful ideas about the English. Arthur’s mum (Geraldine James) even refers to Obama as “coffee coloured” - we live in Britain, not the red states. As Arthur pursues a woman he’s fallen for (Naomi, played by Greta Gerwig), his mother threatens to cut off his inheritance unless he settles for a more suitable woman of her choosing (Jennifer Garner’s Susan). It’s not much of a dilemma to begin with, and the film wheezes its way along for 90 minutes when really, it could have been very happily wrapped up in an hour. Sadly, no one really knows how to play their character apart from Garner, and that’s only because she isn’t required to be funny (and where she is, let’s pretend she’s not). She does get stuck to a giant magnet whilst wearing lingerie, but thankfully that’s in the trailer. Even if he is quite adorable, Brand’s performance lacks the charm of Moore’s Arthur; Brand is simply not allowed to be that character, and the film obviously suffers from this. So let’s all honour the late Dudley Moore and get pissed. Watching the film is entirely optional. TOM MARTIN

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All films shown in P/X/001 Start at 7.30 pm (doors at 6.45 pm)