Woman at The Crossroads

WOMEN AT THE

CROSSROADS

By Dr Sherry Ann Dixon

This word “Crossroads” covers so many areas, the multiple roles that women are subjected to and play, the common myth that women must give up life's multiple roles in order to be successful professionally.

I reflect at a time in my life when I was standing at many crossroads. I was choosing a new career which meant less time at home. No longer was I running to catch the 6pm train, worrying what to cook for dinner. My boys were grown up and all this new woman behavior led to divorcing my husband because of conflict in the roles I was adopting. But yet I was feeling guilty because women at that time did not leave the marital home, the men did! Another serious crossroads moment was wondering whether to leave a very well respected job to take on another. I had to leave the UK to live in the Caribbean and this time of my life spoke to the professional woman, making choices for betterment, providing a framework for growth and development as a high- achieving leader. But whereas in the UK I was respected and referred to as a strong leader, the same was not promoted in the Caribbean.

Its super weird that men in several cultures still hold on to traditional views of the roles women should fill and how women should behave around men. Lacking a framework for dealing with females who hold substantial responsibility and make important decisions, they could behave awkwardly when dealing with women in positions of authority. Chances are that some of them might avoid interactions altogether. Even when they seem a bit more forthcoming, men in many countries may still openly or secretly disapprove of women filling what they view as ‘male’ roles. Accordingly, businesswomen often remain relative outsiders in these cultures. It can be difficult for them to win the trust and respect of their male counterparts.

So how was I supposed to navigate mixing and mingling or networking in order to meet potential clients? One of the recommendations told to me was that I should excuse myself from business entertainment and dinners unless confident that you I will be welcome. Most of all when attending, make up an excuse in order to leave at the end of the meal, usually after coffee or tea has been served and/or when the men in the group are starting to consume strong liquors. That was certainly not the way I knew it in England!

Through the many roles I have played, I have always had this question thrown at me. Can a woman lead her team and yet be vulnerable? I know leaders feel a constant pressure to perform at a higher level than others. Well, not only does vulnerability allow us to be our authentic selves, it is a powerful tool that we can use to empower others. Vulnerability is the best measure of courage because effective leaders shoulder a lot of responsibility.

Managers need to be sure about their decisions – but the right level of vulnerability can help make leaders more human, says Matt Chittock.

But when she is at her crossroads how can she make decisions for herself and/or her team without offending? ‘As leaders expect that we won’t always gain approval from everyone, be comfortable knowing that you are leading ethically, with integrity and truth - that’s how leaders gain respect.” says Lyndell Danzie-Black, Managing Director - Cerulean Inc

“I think there's definitely room for leaders to be vulnerable in the right situations,” says Kim Morgan from Barefoot Coaching

Remain aware that showing too much assertiveness or competitiveness could turn both males and females against you says business mentor, Rona White.

Conclusion:

Whether you consider yourself a leader or not, there is a dissonance that plagues many women. Feeling misunderstood, resisted, or hesitant — believing you’re too much and not enough all at the same time. If you’ve ever felt

it, you’re not alone.

Don’t lead too big. Don’t come off too strong. Don’t get in trouble. How I should dress to be well-received. Gosh it can certainly be stressful; at home or at work. There are a lot of controversial perspectives out there about women. But even the best of us sometimes shift from coaching mentality and supporting to anger, judgment and blaming.

My conclusion is ignore the noise, get closer to your team, engage it in problem solving be transparent, and share your concerns. A leader whose actions provoke fear in others may unwittingly shut down team members’ creative and strategic. Manage disappointment by seeking to understand shortcomings without judgment and by enlisting your team in collaborative problem solving. Set goals and expectations with your team. Discover where they want to go and make sure they have an opportunity to weigh in on the plans and commitments they are going to be held responsible for. Make it safe for people to be honest—to freely share their thoughts, concerns and perspectives.

Finally, never give up. Be authentic. The bottom line: as a woman, unless you happen to be the Secretary of State of a powerful nation, you may want to come prepared to deal with culture-specific expectations and practices in business situations.

Dr. Sherry Ann Dixon is a Multi-award winning Transformational Coach, Journalist, Public Speaker and Lecturer