Issue
206
בס"ד
הריני בא ללמוד תורה לשמה לעשות נחת רוח לאבינו שבשמים מוצאי שבת ר"ת
מוצאי שבת
פרשת בהעלותך י"ט סיון תשע"ט 22 June 2019
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WHEN THINGS DON’T GO OUR WAY When things aren’t quite going our way or when we are dissatisfied with a current situation, there is a default position that a lot of us resort to. Complaints. It is often the easiest method of avoiding responsibility. The Jewish people in the desert were no strangers to this. In this week’s Parsha we have two instances of this. In the first example, the Torah doesn’t tell us what they are grumbling about: ( ויהי העם כמתאונניםBamidbar 11:1) – an unusual phraseology. Many commentaries explain this is derived from the word אונן- mourner: ‘And the people were as though in mourning over themselves’. Oddly, the Torah does not give an origin for this negative state of being. In contrast, just a few verses later we encounter a much clearer reason for the next episode: והאספסף אשר בקרבו התאוו תאוה (Bamidbar 11:4) ‘The rabble that was among them desired a desire’. They had a craving for meat! Remarkably in neither of these instances do we find the verb the
Torah usually uses for complaint! The first three occasions on which the Jewish people complain can be found in Parshas Beshalach, where they moan about lack of clean water, lack of food and then lack of water again. On all three occasions, the word used is – וילנו and they complained. The same verb is used again after the report of the spies (Bamidbar 14:2), and after the plague following the rebellion of Korach (Bamidbar 17:6). I believe that the Torah, in its precise usage of wording, provides two unique insights as to why we criticise and grumble so much. Rashi in Beshalach (Shemos 15:24) makes a startling observation. He points out that in Biblical Hebrew there is no active format of the verb ‘to complain’. It will always be found in the reflexive, passive form. Thus, when the verse says וילנו העםit should be translated as ‘and the people brought themselves to complaint’. Rashi is explaining that Lashon Hakodesh reveals to us the underlying nature of human complaint. It is always reactionary and self-generated. It is a result of a negative outlook to a particular situation. There can be different reasons why we complain. There are some people who never seem to be satisfied and are constantly kvetching. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some
ספר דברים
לע"נ ר' יקותיאל זלמן נאה ז''ל בן ר' חנניה יו''ט ליפא הי''ד נלב''ע ט''ז אדר תשע''ז
לע"נ מרת טויבא רחל נאה ע''ה בת ר' שמואל שמעלקא הי''ד נלב''ע כ''ה מנחם אב תשע''ז
ספר במדבר
Rabbi Meir Shindler Rabbi of Richmond United Synagogue
research suggests that making a habit of complaint can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained. It is possible to re-wire this re-wiring to make it more positive but chronic complainers probably don’t think that would work too well! A second type of complaint is the familiar ‘venting’, where a person expresses emotional dissatisfaction. These people are focused on themselves and their own negative experience. Through expressing anger and frustration, they seek to feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. They are not looking for solutions. An unfortunate downside to these two types of complaint is that it can dampen people’s moods, both of those on the giving and the receiving end. It is these types of scenarios that we are referring to in this weeks’ Parsha. The word for complaint isn’t even used, because they weren’t looking for a particular solution or answer. ‘And the people were as though in mourning over themselves’ – they were feeling worn down and bad about themselves; they just felt the need to express their frustration and anger. Similarly, the episode of the quail begins: – התאוו תאוה literally: ‘they cultivated a desire’ – ‘ – ויבכוand they cried’. Their dissatisfaction was self-imposed
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and they were not really looking for solutions. A third type of complaint seems perhaps more genuine. It is looking to create a change, looking for answers or for solutions to a difficulty. It is in these scenarios the Torah uses the actual term for complaint - וילנו העם. In Parshas Beshalach they are reacting to a lack of food and water; in the story of the spies they have a fear regarding the conquest of the Land of Israel; in Parshas Korach they are in dismay at the deaths of their brethren. However, as we have explained, the Torah sees even this form of complaint as inappropriate. It is self-generated, ‘bringing ourselves to complaint’. The Torah expects us to find a more refined, more respectable method to voice our concerns. Studies show that happy people complain less. Similarly we are expected to express our dissatisfaction through respectful dialogue, sensitivity and tefillah.
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