Oneg Chaya Sarah

OnegShabbos ‫פרשת חיי שרה‬

14 Nov ‘14 ‫כ”א חשון תשע”ה‬

Rabbi Shraga Kallus Rosh Kollel Ateres Sholom, Yerushalayim

The Matchmaker at point of engagement or is the benefit when they become lawfully husband and wife?

In this week’s parsha we are introduced to the first shadchan (matchmaker) in history, Eliezer eved Avrohom and the first thing he did as a “shadchan” was to daven to Hashem.

Rav Nosson Gershtetneer (In Lehoros Nosson, Chelek 10/122) says that if the responsibility is that of of a poyel then the worker was contracted to do the job of making the shiduch which is completed when the shidduch is finalised e.g. the vort or the tenoim.

The Gemorah in Brochos Daf 8 brings the Pasuk in Tehilim (32.6) “Al zos yispalel kol chosid Elecha L’eis mizo” (Regarding this let every devout man pray to You: at the time needing a finding). Rashi says zu isha (this is a woman), one should daven for a good wife.

Generally when a shadchan asks one family “do you want me to suggest the shidduch to the other side?” Upon approval, you have contracted a poyel and left the realm of a yored therefore you will be obliged to pay the shadchan on the day of the vort.

This is the first introduction to Eliezer who understood that although Yitzchock was a prize catch and had everything going for him, he, Eliezer still needed to daven for a good shidduch.

It is not so well known in the unfortunate situation of a broken engagement the halacha would follow the same guidelines, if the payment is for benefit (i.e yored) and the shidduch didn’t work out there is no benefit. As explained, in most cases the concept of a shadchan has been accepted as a Poyel, therefore even upon a broken engagement the shadchan would be allowed to keep the money.

The Gemorah in Shabbos Daf 31 mentions when discussing the importance of being involved in siduchuim that the first question one is asked at his final judgement is osachta bpiriya uriviya did you have children? The Maharsha asks that having children is not within an individual’s choice, it is entirely Hashem’s decision? The Maharsha answers that it means did you involve yourself in making shiduchim.

The Chazon Ish until the end of his life was helping people with shiduchim.

It was told of the Chasam Sofer that one erev yom kippur, he felt that he was missing zechsuim (merits), so he tried to arrange a shidduch in order to that he would be allowed to daven on behalf of klal Yisroel.

In halacha the shadchan is certainly an obligated to receive payment for theirservices, contrary to what some believe an optional present does not suffice.

The Shulchan Oruch (375.1) mentions a Gemorah in Baba Metzia Daf 101 where the concept of a “Yored” is introduced. A yored is someone who gives hanoah (a benefit) and has to be paid for that service. The Rama in Shulchan Oruch (185.6) when explaing a case of a broker that has to get paid for his servces, he mentions the shadchan as his example. However there is a difference in how the shadchan is contracted.

If the shadchan suggests a shidduch on his own volition, in that his services were not requested, the payment received for providing a benefit (being that this is a service that one pays for) will be a form of a yored.

However, if you requested his services explicitly, he becomes a poyel (worker) and the laws of a poyel apply, for example bal tolin (to pay your workers on the day) as it says in Choshen Mishpat (339). On the other hand, there is no requirement to pay a yored the same day.

The question rises, what is the day that one has to pay shadchan, is it the day of the wedding, engagement, perhaps we have to wait to see if it works out?!

If the responsibility of paying the shadchan is not that of a worker, rather, that of one that benefited you, then the time of benefit is debatable. Do we look

This is of course with the assumption that the broken engagement was on cold feet and not on something in halacha that would be a mekach taos, certain information that came to light afterwards which invalidates the initial “transaction”. One needs to ask a rov if his situation is a new factor or a mecach taos. The Aruch Hashulchan adds ( ) where one breaks the shidduch, the one who breaks it is required to pay both parties (chosson and kalla’s side).

Both families are required to pay the shadchan individually. If a specific amount was discussed prior to engaging the shadchans services then obviously that would be the fee. If no amount was mentioned, we then ascertain the fee according to the minhag of the community.

Sometimes a person can suggest a shidduch without any work and the shidduch worked and receives “easy money”, whilst the other works very hard and the shidduch fails with no remuneration. The Chavos Ya’ir writes that is when we apply the concept that one is paid for “amelus” hard work in Shomayim, on this world we are paid for the results.

The Chazon Ish says that the most kosher gelt (special money) is the money recieved from a shidduch made LeShem Shomayim which is why many zadikim specifically use that money to purchase their Arba Minim and Matzos etc. Therefore we see that one should not feel bad receiving shadchanus money.

If the shadchan is mochel the money B’Lev Sholaim which is their prerogative, one need not worry that it will effect badly on the couple.

The Divrei Chaim of Sanz used to give money to every person who suggested a shidduch, even the suggestions that didn’t work (which is not a chiyuv) as he said that each suggestion is a “hava Aminah” that brings the correct shidduch closer. One time a chassid shouted out a shidduch and to his surprise no money was received, the chassid asked “Rebbe what happened to your rule of giving each suggestion a fee“ The Divrei Chaim replied, “there wasn’t even a “hava Aminah”.

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Rabbi Shraga Kallus ‫שליט“א‬

Rosh Kollel Ateres Sholom, Yerushalayim

www.ateressholom.com

‫בס”ד‬

Rabbi Michoel Jablinowitz Rosh Yeshiva Ateret Yerushalayim

Parshas Chayei Sarah We read in this week’s parsha how Eliezer finds a wife for Yitzchak. The Torah spends much time teaching the details of how he found Rivka and

and prayer, V’Karveinu Malkeinu L’Avodasecha, our relationship is that of subjects to the king.

If we apply this understanding to the words of Rashi, Yafeh Sichasan shel Avdei Avos M’Torasan shel Banim, it appears that

came to her house and explained who he was to

Chazal are praising the relationship of distance over that of closeness.

her family. Rashi comments on the fact that the

Surely it should be the other way around.

Torah details this information and teaches (Chapter 24, Pasuk 42) in the name of Rabbi Acha, Yafeh Sichasan shel Avdei Avos M’Torasan shel Banim.

Greater is the conversations of the slaves of the

The Sfas Emes understands the Rashi in a similar vein to the words of Rabbi Yaakov in Avos (4, 22). Yafah Sha’ah Achas B’Teshuvah U’Ma’asim Tovim Ba’Olam Hazeh, M’Kol Chayei OIam Habah. One moment of Teshuvah and good deeds in this world is greater than the life in the world to come. This is because doing mitzvoth is the

forefathers than the Torah of the children. This

only way to enter the world to come and this can only be achieved

portion regarding Eliezer the slave of Avraham is

in Olam Hazeh. These words parallel the previous Mishnah where

repeated twice, while many significant halachos are not explicitly mentioned but only hinted at.

What is the reason for this discrepancy?

Rabbi Yaakov describes Olam Hazeh as a corridor to Olam Habah.

Though Olam Habah is our ultimate destination and Olam Hazeh is only a means to get there, the Tanah praises Olam Hazeh as the place of preparation and the means through which to achieve this goal. His words are not praising Olam Hazeh itself, but rather Teshuva and

The Sfas Emes teaches that this statement of Chazal has a much deeper meaning. There are two distinct relationships that Clal Yisrael has with Hashem. One is the Adon/Eved relationship; we are like slaves to Hashem our master. This relationship emphasizes our distance and dependence and the medium through which this relationship is expressed is prayer. The word “sichah” mentioned in the Rashi doesn’t mean conversation, but rather is to be understood as prayer, as we read in later in the parsha, (Chapter 24, Pasuk 63),

Ma’asim Tovim, the means to the end.

The same is true of the words of Rashi in our parsha. Being a slave is the prerequisite to developing the closeness and intimacy of the son. As Chazal teach in Avos in an earlier Mishnah (3, 11) one’s fear of Gd must come before his wisdom. Only when one has a properly developed fear of Gd and an understanding of his distance from Hashem can he develop closeness through the wisdom of Torah.

Vayeitzei Yitzchak La’Su’ach Ba’Sadeh. Chazal understand that

Rashi is praising the process of preparation. Yafeh Sichasan shel

Yitzchak was praying and derive from here that he established the

Avdei Avos M’Torasan shel Banim means that the service of a Jew

afternoon prayer, Tefillas Mincha.

is greater than the intimacy of Torah because this is the direction of

The other relationship we have with Gd is the Av/Ben relationship, where we relate to Hashem like a son to his father. This expresses our closeness and connection to Hashem, and is best expressed

growth and how the process is developed. It can’t work the other way around.

Rashi teaches (Chapter 24, Pasuk 39) that Eliezer was a slave and

through the Torah. The Torah is a gift given to us in order to establish

therefore cursed. He couldn’t make a shidduch with Avraham. Yet

closeness and intimacy between Gd and His people.

Chazal teach in the Medrash Rabbah (60,7) that since Eliezer served

This dichotomy is expressed in the bracha in Shemoneh Esrei,

Avraham faithfully he went out from the status of being cursed and

Hashiveinu Avinu L’Sorasecha, V’Karveinu Malkeinu L’Avodasecha.

instead became blessed. This expresses the same principle. Being a

We beseech Gd our father to return us to the Torah. When mentioning

slave is a stepping stone to a closer, more intimate level. And this is

Torah, we view Hashem as our father. And when we speak of service

why Yafeh Sichasan shel Avdei Avos M’Torasan shel Banim.

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Rabbi Yissochor Frand Maagid Shiur, Yeshivas Ner Yisroel, Baltimore

The Satan Had One More Trick Up His Sleeve In the pasuk “And Abraham came to mourn Sarah...” [Bereshis 23:2], the letter “chaf” in the

There is however, one exception to this rule. This is something called “regretting what was originally done” (toheh al ha’rishonos).

If a person performs a mitzvah and later comes to regret the fact he

word “v’livkosa” (and to cry for her) is written as

did it, that regret causes him to lose the reward that came for doing

a small letter. The Baal HaTurim gives a reason

the mitzvah.

for this: Since Sarah lived to the ripe old age of 127, the mourning for such a person is not that

When the Satan saw that he was unsuccessful in deterring Avraham from doing the Akeida, he did not give up. He had one more trick up his sleeve. Although Avraham had earned the reward

overwhelming. This is indicated by the smaller size

for passing the test of the Akeida, so the reward was in the bank,

letter in the word for crying.

if the Satan could get Avraham to regret performing the mitzvah, Avraham would lose his reward. This is exactly what the Satan tried

I saw an interesting interpretation in the Sefer Kehillos Yitzchak

to accomplish by bringing about the death of Avraham’s wife through

from Rav Yitzchak of Volozhin. The Medrash explains the juxtaposition

her hearing about her husband’s participation in the Akeida. There is

of the story of Akeidas Yitzchak with the death and burial of Sarah.

no force in the world that is as persistent, that is as big a ‘nudge’ as

According to this Medrash, the Satan appeared to Sarah and told her

the Yetzer HaRah [evil inclination, which is the Satan.] Even when we

that Avraham took Yitzchak to offer him as a sacrifice on an altar.

think the battle is over, the battle is not over!

Before Sarah had a chance to hear the end of the story, “her soul flew away from her” and she died.

We know from the Medrashic teachings of our Sages that the Satan had tried to pull out all stops to prevent our Patriarch Avraham from carrying out his test of Akeidas Yitzchak. This event was such a seminal event in Jewish history, which resulted in eternal merit for the Jewish nation that the Satan tried every trick in the book to stop Avraham from passing this test and achieving the reward for his descendants that he eventually achieved. The Medrashim say that the Satan changed himself into a river and Avraham had to wade up to his neck to cross the river, etc., etc.

I once heard in the name of Rav Aharon Kotler: After the Akeidah, the pasuk says, “And behold an individual ram was caught up in the underbrush”. Why does the pasuk need to tell us this seemingly insignificant detail? It is to show that the Satan had still not given up.

The Satan was trying to make it hard for Avraham to find a substitute animal to offer, so he had to cut through the dense underbrush to get the ram free so that it might be offered in place of his son.

Here too, with Sarah’s death, the Satan tried to put another obstacle in Avraham’s way of Avraham keeping the reward he had already earned. It was yet another test to see whether he would now regret his willingness to sacrifice Yitzchak because it apparently led to the death of his wife. Avraham Avinu did not want this to happen

Once a person does a mitzvah in his life, no matter what type of

so he purposely downgraded his crying for the death of Sarah (small

wicked person he later becomes, the credit for that mitzvah will not

Chaf) to indicate that her time was up already and that he was not

be taken away from him. The rule in spiritual reward and punishment

going to let her death upset him to the extent that he would regret his

is that a sin cannot extinguish the effect of a mitzvah and a mitzvah

participation in the Akeidah.

cannot extinguish the effect of a sin. There are two separate accounts

As a result of this, the merit of the Akeidah remained with

in Heaven: Debits and Credits. The fact that a person has debits does

Avraham and was preserved for his descendants for all generations.

not take away from his credits. When a person does a mitzvah, the

The practical lesson from all of this is that the Yetzer Harah never

mitzvah is done and it will always remain with him.

gives up and we must be forever vigilant against its wiles.

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Rabbi Avi Wiesenfeld Rosh Kollel, Yerushalayim and Rav at Kav Halacha Beis Horaah

Tying Knots on Shabbos Tying knots was one of the melochos performed in the mishkan when sowing the curtains1. Although the melocho of kosher applies to many different situations, e.g., making neckties and tying shoelaces, we will concentrate on knots that are frequently made in the kitchen.

Q. Which type of knot is forbidden to tie on Shabbos?

A. There is a dispute in the poskim exactly which type is knot is forbidden by the Torah; some hold only a professional knot that last forever is forbidden,2 whereas other poskim hold that even if the knot is not a professional type, if it lasts forever, it is forbidden by the Torah.3 The final halacha is that we follow both opinions. Consequently, any knot that either lasts forever, or is a professional knot is forbidden to make [or undo] on Shabbos.4

Lasts Forever Q. What is the definition of a knot that ‘lasts forever’?

A. Any knot – even a non-professional one – if it is tied with no time limit as to when it will be opened, and there is no reason for it to be opened, is forbidden to make or undo on Shabbos.5 Even if one has intention when making this knot to untie it shortly – even within a day,6 but it is the type of knot that is normally made permanently, it is forbidden.7

Q. What if it’s the type of knot that is normally undone within a short period of time?

A. It depends on how long one ties it for. If it is the type of knot that is undone within a day, it is permitted to make and untie, however, if it is normally left for more than a day, it should not be made or undone [in a pressing need, it may be made up to 7 days8].9

Professional Knot Q. What is the definition of a ‘professional knot’?

A. Although this is really a knot made to be made very strong by professional craftsmen, for example sailors making certain knots to tie the boat to the shore.

Nevertheless, since we are unsure as to exactly which knots fit this category, any knot that is tight and can last by itself is considered a ‘professional knot’ and may not be done or undone on Shabbos.10 The poskim give two very common examples of knots that are included in this category: A Double Knot: a tight double knot can last for some time, thus included in the category of a ‘professional knot’ that cannot be made or undone on Shabbos.

A Single Knot in One String: It is forbidden to tie a knot in one string, i.e., onto itself, for example, at the end of a tzitzis string or hood string, since this type of knot holds permanently11. .‫ ורש"י שם‬:‫ ועד‬.‫ שבת עג‬1 .‫ שו"ע סי' שיז ס"א‬,‫ שיטת הרי"ף פ' אלו קשרים והרמב"ם פ"י ה"א‬2 ‫ אלא עיקר החילוק הוא‬,‫ שיטת רש"י ורא"ש ועוד ראשונים דלא תלי כלל בעצם הקשר אםן הוא מעשה אומן או לא‬3 .‫אם הוא קשר של קיימא או לא‬ .‫ רמ"א שם ס"א‬4 .‫ והגר"ז ומ"ב בהקדה לסי' שיז‬,‫ ב"ח ס"ק א ולבוש שם‬5 .‫ מ"ב ס"ק ו‬6 .‫ בה"ל ס"א ד"ה הקושר‬,‫ בית מאיר סי' שיז‬7 .‫ בה"ל ס"ד ד"ה שאינם‬,‫ רמ"א ס"א‬8 .‫ רמ"א שם‬9 .‫ וכ"כ במג"א וגר"ז וחי"א ומ"ב ס"ק יד‬,"‫ רמ"א בס"א "שכן נוהגין‬,‫ עי' בשילטי הגיבורים פ' אלו קשרים‬10 .‫ רמ"א שם‬11

Q. Is it permitted to tie a ‘professional knot’ just for the day?

A. No.12

Q. May one tie a double knot loosely?

A. Yes, provided it is the type of knot that is normally undone within a short time13. For example, a woman may tie her apron, and a man his winter coat with a very loose double knot. (Loose in this context means a knot that will come undone frequently14)

Q. Is it permitted to tie a single knot with two pieces of string or bag handles?

A. Yes, a single knot done on two pieces of string (as opposed to one string onto itself) is not considered a knot at all and may be made on Shabbos15. This is because it does not hold on its own for any amount of time. Thus, this type of knot may be made [and untied] even for a long period of time.

Q. Is a ‘bow’ considered a knot that is forbidden on Shabbos?

A. A bow is not considered a knot – even if it is very tight16 . Accordingly, one may make any type of bow even if it will last permanently for example, one may make a bow on a ribbon to present a box of chocolates, even though it will never be undone17. [A bow made as a decoration on an article of clothing may be forbidden due to ‘make bepatish’] However, a bow made on top of a single knot, such as what most people do when tying up their shoelaces, may be done only if it will be undone within 24 hours18.

Practical Examples: Tying up Garbage/Bin Bags: One may take the two handle pieces of a bag and tie them together in one single knot [to stop it spilling/smell, etc.], but one may not make it into a double knot or a bow on top of a knot.19 Food bags: plastic food bags may be sealed by simply twisting the end of the bag tightly to seal it, but the end of that ‘string’ may not be knotted.

Metal Ties/Tie Twists: metal ties pose a problem of a knot since according to some authorities, twining strings into one string is an act of tying a knot and forbidden.20 Consequently, some poskim forbid the usage of tie twists on Shabbos.21 However, many poskim allow them to be used normally.22 Untying Packages: When one receives food packages/cartons that have been tied up with string, if there is no way of getting to the food without cutting the string, the string may be cut [preferably with a knife due to muktza].23 Plastic Bag: if a plastic bag containing food was tied with a single knot onto itself before Shabbos must not be opened by untying the knot, rather the plastic bag must be torn in a destructive manner [making sure there are no words or pictures that will be destroyed]. .‫ וכ"כ מפורש בשו"ע ומ"ב ס"ק ו‬.‫ כשיטת הראשונים (רי"ף ורמב"ם) דאיסור קשר אומן הוא אפי' אם אינו ש"ק‬12 .‫ וכ"כ בבכ"י הובא בשע"ת וכה"ח ס"ק כג‬.‫ וכ"כ בלבושי שרד שם‬.‫ מג"א ס"ק ד‬13 .‫ כך שמעתי מפוסקים‬14 .‫ חי"א כלל כו ס"א וגר"ז ס"ג‬15 .‫ רמב"ם פ"י ה"ה והשו"ע ס"ה‬,.‫ תוס' עירובין צז‬,:‫ גמ' קיג‬16 .‫ מג"א ס"ק טו ומ"ב ס"ק כט‬,‫ מרדכי שם‬17 .‫ מ"ב ס"ק כט בשם האחרונים שנוהגין היתר רק אם עשוי להתיר בו ביום‬18 ‫ והגרש"ז זצ"ל בשש"כ שמיקל‬.‫ ושו"ת מהרש"ג ח"א סי' ס‬,‫ וכ"כ בלבוש סי' תכנא וגר"ז שם ס"ו‬.:‫ עי' רש"י סוכה לג‬19 .‫בזה‬ .‫ רמב"ם פ"י ה"ח הובא לדינה במג"א סו"ס שיז‬2 0 .‫ וכן אמר לי הגר"ע אויערבאך שליט"א שכדי להחמיר בזה‬.‫ הגרש"ז זצ"ל בשש"כ פ"ט סעי' יג‬21 ‫ אור‬,‫ קצוה"ש סי' קכג ס"ק טו‬,‫ שו"ת דברי יציב ח"א סי' קנב‬,360 '‫ אמת ליעקב הע‬,‫ שו"ת שבט הלוי ח"ח סי' נה‬22 ‫ והסברא למקילים הוא א) דהוי כמו פתיחת דלת או חלון שאין בו‬.‫ הגרנ"ק שליט"א בחוט שני עמ' רכה‬,‫לציון פכ"ט ס"ב‬ ..‫ ב) שאני התם (הפותל חבלים) שצורת בנין החבל ע"י פתילת וחביקת שני חלקי החבל‬,]‫משום בונה או סותר [חוט שני‬ ‫ ג) ואין דרך קשירה כלל רק דרך סיבוב בצורה‬,]‫משא"כ כאן שכל עיקר החבל נעשה לסבב את החבילה וכו' [שבה"ל‬ .]‫ ד) ואין בזה משום מעשה אומן כלל [אמת ליעקב‬,]‫ [שם‬..‫שאפשר לפתחו בנקל מי יימר דזה גדר קושר‬ .‫ חזו"א או"ח סי' נא ס"ק יג ד"ה קמו‬,‫ בה"ל סי' שיד ס"ח ד"ה חותלות‬.‫ עי' רש"י שם‬...‫ חותלות‬.‫ גמ' שבת קמו‬2 3

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