Pursuit | Fall 2021

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OUR 9/11 How COVID-19 Changed Everything, Again

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CONTENTS Moments of Poetry Our 9/11 The Comic Dude Hi, My Name Is Paper Straws are a LIE New York, New York 6,000 Feet Above the Bap Unexpected Isolation Da Red Room Rules Dirty Casual’s Guide to Film Photography Pursuit Staff Spotify Picks

Cover Credits: Photo Illustration by Luc Stringer, Caleb Chong and Camille Grochowski TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S

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EDITOR’S NOTE When I was 12 years old, I ruled an empire of imagination. I traveled the fine barrier between reality and fantasy, immersing myself in impossible daydreams. When I was 15, everything was different. Suddenly I had responsibilities and schedules. The wonderful lure of simply wasting time was now called “laziness” instead of creativity. When I turned 18, the world was exciting and bright, but also stressful. Dollar signs and report cards mattered more than ever. Time flew by as I clutched at the few retreating moments not spent in the busyness of a 21st-century lifestyle. I had lost that once beautiful empire to adulthood.

It is my great pleasure to present 2021’s fall issue of Pursuit magazine, because it represents a return to daydreaming. It is the product of great writers, designers, photographers and editors, students and faculty alike. They deserve a thousand thanks for countless hours of hard work. Yet, it is also the product of a dream, cooked up by a few crazy 20-somethings who think they just might have something special.

Last year, a part of our humanity was taken away. We started to shield our faces behind masks and stay far away from strangers.

Our circles grew small, and our conversations grew smaller. It was perhaps the most difficult year for college students in the United States in the past few decades. Sometimes, it feels like things are only getting harder. Yet I think of the words written by New York Times bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell:

“

A lot of what is most beautiful about the world arises from struggle.

The one unifying trait of our generation lies within the arms of a global pandemic. While our individual experiences of the crisis may vary, we all experienced deep change and tackled difficult decisions.

We all fought tooth and nail for some sense of normalcy -- or in some cases, simply survival. This magazine is for you: the student who barely made it through. It is our chance to stop, breathe and remember that life is still good.

Luc Stringer Editor-in-Chief

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The indescribable is captured between the letters of a good poem. We still cherish the work of the genius minds of Robert Frost, Edgar Allen Poe, and Maya Angelou.

From simple metaphors to an entire school of academia--poetry chronicles the human experience. It gives us a lens through which to understand the world. As we step into the experience of now, it seems only fitting to travel the medium of poetry as Charon paddles us across the Styx into a dreamscape. We too will follow the footsteps of the writers who came before, drawing a picture of emergent history.

As John Fowles, an English author, once said: “We all write poems; it is simply that poets are the ones who write in words.” In that spirit, as you read these poems, you are as much an active part of their beauty as you are a passive consumer. This is, in some small way, your story. These wonderful works of art were written by the students and alumni of the English Department at California Baptist University.

Their words assume the position of narrator within the confines of this magazine.

To truly understand the stories living between the covers of Pursuit, you must first understand the world in which this magazine resides.

These are our moments of poetry

M O M E N T S O F P O E T RY

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The Night Season Charity Latchman

Illustrated by Samantha (Red) Rojo

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Written & Photographed by Luc Stringer Designed by Luc Stringer and Caleb Chong

“OUR 9/11”

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“OUR

9 11” How COVID-19 changed everything, again

I

was 20 years old when the world ended. Now I’m 21, but I’d bet a million dollars I lived a lifetime that year.

It was March of 2020, and life was going great. I had finally found a groove. I had good friends, and I could still survive a call from home with grace and assurances that yes, I had not developed sudden alcoholism in the two weeks prior. The “Coronavirus” was just a world event far removed from Riverside, California. How could what appear to be some cases of severe cold in China ever reach the West Coast’s perpetual sunshine?

It rained that day, harder than I’ve ever seen. It rained so hard that the exodus of hundreds of Smith Hall residents was impeded by light flooding at one of the entrances. I watched as my hallmates packed their bags and left, one by one. We laughed, we jumped in puddles, we got soaked and used former lawns as swimming pools. This strange deluge and even stranger news of a global pandemic was pushed lightly out of the way for the joy of experiencing nature. I didn’t know it then, but the world would never be the same. Soon, I was alone with the rain.

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The days blurred into weeks. The weeks into months.

Living alone in a small apartment, time was an arbitrary measurement. Nothing changed anyways. I would go days without speaking before simply talking out loud to assure myself of my sanity. The digital world became almost as real as the physical. Soon, YouTube stars morphed into professors droning to unresponsive pixels. My universe became faceless, lifeless and even loveless.

But 2,750 tons of ammonium nitrate had different plans for my lost life. Sitting in a warehouse at Beirut Port for six years, the improperly stored substance ignited, and the blast that resulted became the sixth largest non-nuclear explosion in history. Locked away in my Californian prison, the destroyed smokestacks at Beirut looked oddly familiar, as if they were Twin Towers falling. I called a dear friend of mine that day. I asked if he had seen the news. He had. And he, too, noticed the similarity to New York’s catastrophe.

“You know,” he said, “this (COVID) is kind of our 9/11.”

There are some events that change the course of history.

Columbus’ arrival in North America and Hitler’s invasion of Poland are just two of the many global events whose influence crosses borders. Sept. 11, 2001 is one of those events. While largely an American happening, without a doubt it defined the divide between East and West, and it certainly made international travel more difficult than before. In some ways, 9/11 set the tone for Generation Z — the current collegiate generation. It furthered the polarization of our politics and ramped up aggressive foreign policy. Even if we remember nothing about that moment, or were not even born, our lives were slightly shaped by it.

Yet for Generation X and the Boomer generation, 9/11 signified a major change in the world. My parents experienced the ease of international travel before 9/11.

In fact, they were overseas during the event, learning only of the news from nearby friends. It was a shock to see everything change so quickly. Suddenly, leaving the United States was something to be feared, not enjoyed. An easy line through the airport became a harrowing ordeal governed by intimidating TSA agents. Stay at home, my extended family begged; it is not worth the risk.

This terrorist attack far, far away somehow personally affected my life and my family. COVID-19 changed everything once again, and I hazard I’m not the only one.

We experienced the world before masks and hand sanitizer.

We remember what it was like to leave home freely and

make friends with strangers. The next generation might not. For the foreseeable future, our world remains tainted by the threat of transmissible disease.

Dr. Amy Stumpf, professor of society and religion, said she agrees with this sentiment. She recalls how the United States changed in the aftermath of 9/11. Suddenly, Americans were stuck between two possibilities. Either you supported the war on terror, or you supported terrorism, Stumpf said. This permeated an entire society and eventually propelled the United States to make difficult military and societal decisions. Under new foreign policy, atrocities like torture and civilian killings were approved by high-ranking officials. A single day sent shockwaves through the next two decades. The coronavirus, while not nearly as violent, is repeating the history of change and destabilization.

“We have that similar false dichotomy,” Stumpf says.

“We either die of COVID or COVID is not real. It’s all based on fear.”

Yet Stumpf ’s diagnosis of the world is not so bleak.

She retains hope that the shared experience of a global generation could achieve as much unification as dissolution.

Above: Wreckage from the Beirut Port blast, still standing in 2021.

Left: A homeless child wanders the streets of Beirut, gathering scraps of food from trash bins.

“

Maybe in a way, the masks actually increase our likeness. I don’t know, but when all I can see is two eyes and a mask, you look a lot more like me than [before].

- Dr. Amy Stumpf

(professor of society and religion)

“OUR 9/11”

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In a world where everyone’s faces are obscured, perhaps it may be easier to converse with someone you may never have approached previously.

“Maybe in a way, the masks actually increase our likeness,” Stumpf says. “I don’t know, but when all I can see is two eyes and a mask, you look a lot more like me than [before].”

Maybe it was masks that gifted me such an affinity with the crisis in Beirut. Soon I heard news of more than 300,000 people left homeless by the Beirut blast. Suddenly there were people, real people, who were hurt. The world had not ended, I realized. It had simply changed. Life had not stopped. Certainly, it had not stopped for 300,000 people searching for a home. As the news cycle turned to the next world event, I found my heart returned to Lebanon. I desperately wanted to tell the story in Beirut.

In August I had my chance. Through a series of miraculous events and years-in-the-making relationships, I was offered the opportunity to interview five Beirut locals right in the heart of the city. With newfound passion, I accepted the job with manic fervor. I needed to walk the streets that had so compellingly called me in the year prior.

I stood at the edge of Beirut Port, looking out over the still-uncleared debris. It was not the looming wreckage that drew my eye, but the bubbling activity around it. The port was open for business. The crates still needed sorting, and the trucks weren’t going to load themselves. The placid Mediterranean still laps gently against the concrete supports, unfazed by humanity’s penchant for extinction.

A few streets away, near a busy intersection, sits a smiling man.

“Take my picture!” he says, laughing happily. “Are you with CNN?” This man, Peter, 52, runs his own barber shop, and has lived in Beirut nearly as long as he can remember. He remembers the blast clearly, as well as the tearful days in its aftermath. Two of his relatives were killed that day. That pain, combined with the stress of a small business owner in a collapsing economy makes for a difficult life. Peter doesn’t care — he just wants to sit down and have coffee with passersby. As we talked, three individuals joined us, greeting Peter as if he was their dearest friend. We shared stories as if that cracked and crumbling concrete not a thousand yards away were just a bad dream.

“We are still the party,” he said. “Lebanon is still the best in the Middle East!”

His unrelenting pride during pain was inspiring. How could a man who had lost so much remain so happy? Peter flipped through his camera roll, showing me beautiful landscapes and cityscapes alike. “This is Lebanon,” he said with each image. I was reminded of a story my father once told me. In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus calms a raging storm, saving the lives of his closest friends. My father talks about a man he once met in the far reaches of Southeast Asia who asked a poignant question.

“Jesus told his followers they would get to the other side,” this man said. “Why didn’t they just dance in the rain?”

I was never battered by wind, but my storm felt like a hurricane. I never felt the wetness of water, but I was drowning all the same. I’d guess I’m not the only one.

BBC News broadcasted an amazing sight the day after the explosion at Beirut Port. Thousands of Lebanese citizens, bolstered by youth and students, flocked to the spiritual downtown area of the city. For hours, they crowded together picking up broken glass, removing debris and cleaning blood from the street. I dream that one day, American college students would exhibit that same unity in the face of fear, and remember that the world is still alive and well, just wildly different than before. ◆

Above: Peter, 52, poses in front of his busy barbershop.

Below: An aerial view of mountainside settlements on the outskirts of Beirut -- one of the places Peter loves the most.

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Beirut: Tourists explore the markets in and around the city as the day comes to an end.

“OUR 9/11”

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Beirut: Colorful boats used to ferry tourists around the Mediterranean. Now, the tourists are few and the prices are high.

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They kept speaking as if life as we knew it was over—

hours, days, months passed without recognition.

An entire year. Gone in a breath, spent in seclusion—

such spite brewing, bubbling to the surface, a call for change, but

how long will it take for them to hear how our generation is hurting, see the

horizon of hope buried by a haze of their selfishness.

Written by Emilie Thomas

HORIZON

Designed by Camille Grochowski

60¢

227 DEC

02458

LANCER COMICS GROUP

c 2021 LANCER COMICS GROUP

THE

TM

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Lancer comics presents: CALEB CHONG

WrITING AND DESIGN

CAMILLE GROCHOWSKI ELIJAH HICKMAN PHOTOGRAPHs

Tucked between an appliance store and a taco joint, there lies a curious yet colorful storefront. Past the threshold of the door is a fist bump and a note waiting, never failing to welcome each and every customer. Even though the store is filled with comic books, sprinkled throughout are radiant artifacts and memorabilia of geek culture. From trading cards to science fiction helmets to hero action figures, there is something for everyone to enjoy. It is at this place our story begins.

This is the Comic Dude...

POW!

T

he Comic Dude is one of the few stores to have a comic book worthy origin story (although upon further thought, it is somewhat fitting for a comic store). This particular origin story centers around Dustin, otherwise known as Dew, the owner of The Comic Dude in Riverside. Growing up deaf, Dustin felt that comic books were one of the few things that were accessible to him, giving him a portal into pop culture, superheroes and a wide variety of cool things.

Because of this, comics inevitably became a huge part of his life, allowing him to become the collector he is today. As an adult, Dustin always had an interest in becoming a business owner but he had never expected that his love for comics and interests in business would collide. Dustin had spent some time working at Sphinx Comics, another comic book store in Riverside before COVID-19. Like many businesses during the pandemic, the owner decided to shut the doors of Sphinx Comics permanently. When Sphinx closed down, Dustin realized that there were no other comic stores left in the Riverside area. So right in the middle of COVID-19, equipped with his experience at Sphinx and his passion for comics, Dustin decided that it was up to him to open up a comic book store. It was at this moment Dew became the Comic Dude.

And it would only be fitting for a superhero to have a cool lair. Almost every wall of the comic book store is covered by paperback comic books (otherwise known as

COMIC DUDE

“floppies”), most of them being new releases. For thrifters and the fans of the older comics, the store has several boxes filled with assorted comic books that customers are free to go through. From vintage Superman issues to floppy editions of Ranma , it would be very difficult to not find anything of interest.

Greyson Derzansky -- junior business and music double major, expresses how surprised he was when he and his friends first walked into the store.

“I was definitely overwhelmed by the selection of comics -- they had just so much. And I was impressed by the way it was set up, the layout was pretty unique...We lost track of how long we were in there because it was just so easy to find new things to look at.”

Lined up against the top of each wall are all kinds of superhero and science fiction merchandise, making up a sort of faux-wall crowning. If one ever gets bored of looking at comic books, all they have to do is look up and they will find themselves looking at a series of Star Wars helmets, super hero action figures, fan art, and more.

And for those who don’t have any interest in comics, the shop has stickers, trading cards and even a designated shelf for manga.

Running a business comes with a plethora of problems, no matter who you are. While running the comic book shop, Dew has expressed his difficulty being a deaf business owner.

“Being a business owner as a deaf person is tough.

However, I’m lucky to have technology to help me out.

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I’m able to take phone calls through a video relay system, so customers are able to get a hold of me via phone.

Communication barriers make it tough for me to hold live auctions online, but I’m working on getting around that.”

To further help overcome this obstacle, Dustin purposely set up the space to be visually accessible so that customers would be able to easily navigate through the store. All the workers in the store are also deaf, which makes communication in the workplace easier. Even though the store is designed to be easily accessible by customers, Dustin still makes sure to interact with his customers. When a customer walks in the door, Dustin rarely fails to give them a smile and a fist bump. He also always has a Post-it note and a pen laying around so that he can communicate with customers if they have any questions. Sergio Lopez Jr, a Riverside local, talks about why he’s stuck to this particular shop after looking for a regular comic book shop to visit.

“The boss is definitely one of the best things about the shop...Even though communication is a little tough, he’ll always go out of his way to make you feel welcome.”

Even without an extensive interaction with Dustin, the smile and the quick “thank you” in ASL he gives will oftentimes make a customer feel at least a little bit less guilty about the two hours and $60 spent on comic books.

Despite the strong emphasis on community, the comic book shop has not been able to hold any events due to COVID-19. Dustin hopes that the store will be able to hold Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic tournaments in the near future. Even with the restrictions COVID brings, Dustin said he is still more than happy with where his store is at now and the people he has been able to meet along the way. ◆

“I have a wide variety of customers from all walks of life. From kids to senior citizens, there’s something for everyone to enjoy! I like to think my store has a relaxed, family friendly feel.

Feel free to stop by and find out for yourself!”

- Dustin AKA“DEW” (Comic Dude owner)

WOW!

ASK DEW Q&A SECTION

Q: Favorite Superhero/Vilain?

DEW: Deadpool and the joker.

Q: Favorite issue of a comic book series?

DEW: Kinda cheating here, but my favorite issues are Secret Wars 1-12.

Q: Favorite INDIE COMIC BOOK SERIES? DEW: I’m more of a marvel/DC guy, but I do like Spawn and Walking Dead.

Q: Recommendation for a current comic book series that hasn’t gotten too much attention?

DEW: “A Righteous thirst for vengeance”.

Q: ADvice for new comic book collectors?

DEW: Read as much as you can. try and find artists you like & start with collecting their covers.

Q: THOUGHTS on the comic book being a “dying industry”?

DEW: I don’t think the comic book industry is a dying industry just yet. I think if the comic publishers change along with the times, they will continue to survive. Keep in mind, comics are a niche interest.

Q: Thoughts on the recent rise of manga/anime in the US? DEW: I think it’s awesome. to me, art is art, no matter where it comes from. to be hoenst, I haven’t seen too many negative responses from the comic book industry. I myself enjoy manga & anime.

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THE COMIC DUDE

ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THE PURSUIT TEAM!

CALLING ALL SUPERHEROS, DESIGNERS, WRITERS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS JOIN THE PURSUIT MAGAZINE STAFF AND SAVE US FROM THE EVIL CLUTCHES OF DR. DEADLINE

APPLY TODAY!

LANCER COMICS GROUP

Most of our time is spent in the newsroom located in the basement of the James building. We basically live there. If you are interested, come down to the basement and talk to us. We also appreciate food and coffee since we are all starving college student artists. Seriously, please come down to see us. We have not seen the light of day in weeks.

TRIGGER WARNING Bipolar Disorder Self-Harm Depression and Anxiety Medication

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Hi,

My Name Is ______

Anthology of broken but beautiful souls Written by Ever Lee* Designed by Caleb Chong Photographed by Luc Stringer

*Name changed to protect the writer’s identity.

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These four walls, closing in on me. A bed frame nailed to the floor with nothing but a mattress and a sheet so thin I can see the veins in my ghostly skin peeking through the sheer threads. I am locked in this room for what feels like an eternity. Every three hours they come in like clockwork, draw vial after vial of blood, check vitals. What are they going to do to me?

Tick. Tock. Blood samples, urine samples. Two nurses pin me down while I struggle, a third taking blood from my shoulder.

Tears stream down my face while my dad holds my arm telling me it’s OK, but how can I believe him when they are locking me up? It’s a 51-fifty they tell my dad, an involuntary 72-hour hold, but all I know is that it is a hell I can’t escape.

When they leave, I jump on the bed. I yell, I scream, pound on the door. THUMP! THUMP! But they can’t hear me, they ignore me. I look with pleading eyes out the tiny window at the nurse sitting a the monitor, tears streaming down my face, mouthing for her to let me go. Her eyes shift, she looks past me, through me, like I’m a ghost, like I’m something to be subdued. I grow nauseous with the scent of bleach in the air, my eyes roll back and I puke all over the bed, the floor, myself. I’m covered in my own filth, and I finally see myself from the other side of the window, through her eyes. I am a MONSTER and this is my CAGE. Three isolation chambers, four rooms, two hospitals. DON’T TOUCH. CAN’T BE TOUCHED. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, it’s for your own good. I’m nothing but a barcode, a name on a list to be checked off. I get five minutes max with the doctor, I must stand up for myself. One minute. There’s no one here to do it for me. Two minutes. But my thoughts are blurry, and I can’t stop moving my feet. Three, four, my words jumble together. “I’m fine,” I say over and over.

“Can I go home yet?” Five minutes. Time’s up, he adjusts my meds and over his shoulder, he says, MAYBE NEXT WEEK. P U R S U I T | 19

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f

t

u

Er of

2019, I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic features. My symptoms during my mania consisted of hearing voices, having delusions that people were after me and were conspiring to kill me, that there was something in the water, that the TV and telephones were listening in and thinking I could telepathically communicate with people. There were also bouts of drawing furiously, trying to convey my thoughts because I was trapped feeling like I was the only one with this knowledge. It felt like a nightmare where you never wake up.

Then, in September, I was released and came back into a world that hardly knew I left. Only two of my friends texted me, assuming I’d embarked on a social media “cleanse,” sounding worried. It was summer, everyone was on vacation, no one would be concerned about the girl with the 4.11 GPA who was in the top 2% of her class. President of two clubs, vice president of another, taking every AP class. In my yearbook people wrote “you are a ray of sunshine” and “you are going places,” yet no one would expect one of those places to be locked away in a psych ward, alone. When I was released, instead of feeling free, I felt more isolated than ever. No one knew, and it was my secret to tell.

Invisible disabilities make up an estimated 10% of the U.S. population, which is roughly 32.5 million people in the U.S. alone. Furthermore, people with these invisible illnesses, from chronic pain to mental illnesses, are often accused of faking it, as their struggles are not always obvious to the onlooker, according to research from the University of Massachusetts Amherst.

In addition, “invisible illness is often a shared but misconstrued experience for people … This experience, societal lack of awareness, and stigma may impact overall quality of life (QOL) of such individuals” according to a study in the academic journal Quality of Life Research: An International Journal of Quality of Life Aspects of Treatment, Care & Rehabilitation.

Therefore, even when people acknowledge our struggles, this overall insufficient understanding of our experience, paired with an ignorance of how to help, boundaries, and what is appropriate to say, inhibits those with an invisible illness from fully being seen by their communities.

Have you tried yoga? Have you tried praying? Have you confessed your sins? God would never allow this to happen unless you did something wrong. How is your relationship with God? The pain stops right? God will heal you just be patient.

These things, and many more, have been said to me and people I know struggling with invisible illnesses.

Yes, God will restore, someday, maybe not in this lifetime, but he never promised a life free of suffering and trials. This is understood all too well and is evident in the lives of CBU students struggling with unseen disabilities.

he sits quietly, enthralled in her work, as a stunning platter materializes before her, slowly but surely. Each rope of clay she rolls out painstakingly perfect in thickness and in length, completing another ring. One of the best ceramics students in the class, no one would suspect the struggles she deals with daily. Mary Lynn*, senior illustration major, has struggled with dyslexia, Attention Deficit Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder her entire life.

Maintaining almost straight A’s throughout her schooling, Lynn appears like the perfect student, until you look behind the curtain. Though her symptoms have fluctuated, they have appeared manageable from the outside. However, it finally reached its apex last fall.

“The catalyst for this [rough period] was this extremely stressful class that had a lot of work due, and I couldn’t keep up with it. I was pulling a minimum of one or two all-nighters a week,” Lynn says.

Her ADD contributed to it taking her longer to do her homework, often taking far more energy, drive and time to do a task than someone without ADD. “My counselor told me to give myself some grace because I often feel defeated wondering why it is taking me so much longer than it should, or why am I late on this when I stayed up two nights in a row trying to complete it, whereas other people finished in a quarter of the time. Or I feel like I am just not working hard enough or being disciplined enough,” Lynn says. “That’s kind of my mindset of feeling defeated all the time. So, in my mind, even though I’m getting the good grades, I feel like I’m failing while doing it.”

Bogged down by her overflowing responsibilities and inability to complete them, she experienced extreme brain fog, racing thoughts and inability to convey cohesive ideas, like her brain “was in a storm and I didn’t know what was even wrong,” Lynn says.

She became debilitated in doing her homework and completing basic responsibilities, which became huge feats to complete.

She felt like she couldn’t go another 50 years feeling this way, unable to function on her own. Desperate for answers, feeling out of control and like she couldn’t trust her own thoughts, she sought a counselor so she could have somewhere concrete to lean. She now had something at the end of the month to rely on, when in the past she had few ways to cope with her struggles.

Through the support of her family and friends and continual prayer for guidance, Lynn says everyday isn’t easy, but she continues to find new tools to better help her manage her invisible illness.

However, not everyone is the most helpful, often disregarding her struggles. When she mentions she goes to therapy for her OCD and ADD, she receives a typical response: “Oh my gosh! Same! I get so OCD about my kitchen when it’s a mess, I can’t

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stand things being out of place.” People often don’t understand that her OCD is an internal struggle that manifests in outward behavior to appease it, rather than external events causing internal distress. Lynn conveyed that the best way people can be there for those struggling with invisible illnesses is for them to not “think of you as burden, and just listen when you’re talking, even if you’ve said the same thing a couple times — to just ask questions,” Lynn says. She said a recurring emotion is feeling alone, so simply seeing that someone cares is vital.

However, not everyone is as open with their story as Lynn is. People are often too afraid to speak out about their invisible illness for fear of how they will be perceived in light of mental health stigmas. But because no one speaks out about it, the stigma persists, and the cycle continues. This has led some students to be cautious about sharing their story for fear of unforeseeable and unexpected repercussions.

e sits on my couch, fidgeting, his knee twitching involuntarily.

Timid at first, his story slowly unfolds. John Doe*, sophomore engineering major, was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness that is characterized by the National Alliance on Mental Illness as if schizophrenia and bipolar disorder had a child.

Dealing with intense delusions, “it got to the point where everything was fake,” Doe says. “People are watching me, and things are staged.

It’s like we have a wall we put up when we interact socially. I deleted social media because it felt really pointless, and I would get really angry because it felt like a façade.”

Doe said he feels like he’s the only one out there that has the same thought process. He said it feels isolating, but it is just another part of himself that he must deal with. One way people have tried to be helpful but is often counterproductive is by trying to help him see the good in his life.

“What drives me nuts is I see all that I have that is good, so I shouldn’t be upset, and I invalidate my feelings. I feel guilty for being depressed sometimes because I have so much stuff, but stuff doesn’t fix it. I can’t believe I feel this way if I have good things in my life,” he says.

After getting medications over the summer, the symptoms subsided, however they haven’t disappeared. He said that when he was unmedicated, his close friends lacked grace with him for not being more social, even though he had shared with them about his invisible illness.

“They still look at me differently. They don’t understand I’ve changed, and they treat me like I’m socially inept and don’t give a lot of slack,” he says. “I don’t want people to know that I struggle with it [because I’m] afraid of being treated differently and looked at differently. I don’t know what I want from people, which is why I hide it. It’s easier to not deal with it. I have new friends and I just want to see what happens.”

People with invisible illnesses face the dilemma of deciding whether they should disclose their disability in a relationship and, if so, when and how to do so. They may be afraid that sharing this information may “be overwhelming, drive others away, or uncover hurtful stigmatizing beliefs about their diagnosis,” according to distortedperceptions.org.

Some people may even avoid being friends with someone with an illness because of the fear of becoming a caretaker or being tied down by someone who might inhibit them from their level of activity.

It is often easy to judge people on the surface, yet the undercurrent may tell another story. For some students with an invisible illness, it is a constant struggle that never goes away, regardless of how well they hide it.

*All names changed to protect identities.

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of control itting at the restaurant, she swirls her drink, then takes another sip. She takes small bites of her food, eating exactly half of what is on her plate. Everything is perfectly calculated to convey nonchalance. She feels eyes on her, watching her every move. It controls her every moment, though she knows no one is watching and it’s all in her head. She acts unfazed. It’s just food; it’s just food. She takes a to-go box like everyone else. However, as soon as she gets home, It takes over and she fades to the background, It controls her every move and thought. The urge is too strong. In the solitude of her own room, finally by herself, she finishes off the rest of the food, then heads to the kitchen for more.

Sarah Smith*, junior psychology major, deals with a binge eating disorder as well as anxiety and hereditary OCD. “It’s like a little voice that constantly wants more or isn’t satisfied,” she says of having an eating disorder. “It doesn’t matter how much you eat; it’s never enough. I don’t have a sense of hunger in my body or an ‘Oh, I’m full’ cutoff point. I’m either so hungry I feel like I’m going to puke, or I’m so full I feel like I’m going to puke, and there’s no inbetween.”

Growing up in an environment of counting calories and instances where she had to step on a scale in front of people, Smith developed a negative mindset toward food from a young age. She never thought it was a possibility that she had an eating disorder till this past year when she investigated binge eating disorders and realized it matched her everyday symptoms.

“A misconception about eating disorders that I wish people didn’t have is that you’re choosing it and that you have control,” Smith says.

“With binge eating disorder, no one thinks you have it. It’s just perceived as ‘Oh, you’re overweight. You’re obese and you eat and eat and eat.’

In actuality, you have no control. It literally doesn’t feel like a part of yourself — it’s like something else takes over you and controls you. It’s a constant fight; you’re not choosing this lifestyle.”

On good day, Smith keeps herself busy enough that she doesn’t have time to think about food, but on bad days, when she has nothing to do, she finds herself sitting around thinking about what her next meal will be. Her biggest goal is to be able to have anything in her pantry without worrying she will lose control. This is something that those who do not struggle with an eating disorder may take for granted or may not even recognize, but it’s a minute-by-minute battle for Smith.

“No one wants to talk about it or openly admit it, but there’s always shame and guilt,” she says. “You don’t want people to see it, so you hide [food] or you bury it in the trash or take out the trash before someone comes home so no one sees it. Or you close yourself in your room and you eat alone.”

Smith reminds people that as much as they might think they know the fight and what someone is going through, they don’t. They only see the tip of the iceberg, but there’s so much beneath the surface. She hopes people “have the understanding to take a second chance to think about what you say before you say [anything].” She is a big advocate for not just fighting for equality, where everyone has the same things, but an equity where everyone is given what they need to be on the same level of opportunity.

While some continue to battle their illness without an end in sight, others have found some relief. Each of our stories is intricately unique, yet our common goal is a better tomorrow.

missing missing

rossed legs, curled toes, tight lips. She cuts off her circulation once again, an old habit she had learned long ago to suppress her anxiety and give her some semblance of control. Jane Johnson*, senior graphic design major, has struggled with irritable bowl syndrome (IBS) for three years, self-harm for four years and anxiety for the past seven years.

In high school she often had to leave class — one year she had more than 100 absences because of her IBS — but found little support.

“My teachers were very ignorant to my problem. One or two were very understanding but a lot of other teachers were like, ‘Really? OK...’ and were very condescending,” Johnson says. “They were ignorant and belittled a student’s disability thinking it’s a farce, which was surprising as it was a Christian school.”

Everyone in her school, she says, treated her like she was slacking off and didn’t consider the possibility that she had something else going on.

This lack of understanding soon led her to self-harm so that “these scars will show what’s going on, on the inside,” Johnson says. She has found it hard to tell people that she has struggled with self-harm because of the stigma that people have that “you have to be mentally insane or crazy” to do something like this.

Growing up as a missionary kid overseas, her faith has always been a key part of her life, but she felt the most alone when even those closest to her asked her if she had prayed about her illness.

“It was so hurtful. Does God not love me because I’m anxious?” she says, even though she knew their intentions were not harmful.

She found that “people don’t want to sit and listen. This generation specifically doesn’t know how to listen and people often just want to talk about their own stories.” She hopes that instead of offering advice, people will be patient and comforting and simply offer a listening ear.

While not everyone finds healing from their invisible illness, Johnson says she has experienced several miracles. After years of prayer, one day all her IBS symptoms — symptoms she was told she would have for a lifetime — all disappeared. The only possible explanation was that God had done something miraculous in her life. Then, a year later, still struggling with urges to self-harm, Johnson had an epiphany moment. “[I was] taught as a kid to give it to God, but when you actually do it, I broke down and surrendered it all [asking God] to help these urges go away, and then it was just gone,” she says. “It was such a God thing.”

Still struggling with anxiety in different ways, Johnson continues to give each day to the Lord. She tells those around her that “God has been pursuing me in every chapter. I still have anxiety in this chapter, but God is saying ‘I’ve done this for you before. What makes you think I can’t do it again?’, even if no one else sees me God sees me. My main encouragement to those who feel discouraged is that it gets better.

It may not be what you think or the result you want, but it will get better. God has shown that in so many lives, he will bring comfort and blessings, whatever that looks like.”

She reminds people that this life is temporary; this battle isn’t forever.

*All names changed to protect identities.

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Many people were involved in the making of this narrative, some of which have not been included, yet, their stories laid the foundation for those that have been included and gave insight and direction to these stories. As I interviewed these people, they soon became newfound friends — friends who I shared tears with. I felt less alone, finding a community I didn’t realize I had been craving. I realized how much I have longed to have these deep conversations — the level of raw emotion and realness — seeking to thrive despite our harsh reality. It is ironic how our generation is more willing than ever to make jokes about mental health and employ self-deprecating humor about how much we want to die or how messed up we are, yet it seems we are more isolated than ever with our screens as an ever-present friend, bots, often our closest companions.

Every night as I get ready for bed, I close the bathroom door behind me and lock it. Sometimes I curl up against the wall, arms wrapped around my legs head resting on my knees — a moment of solace. I press pause.

I choose to lock the door. This time, I now hold the power to choose when to open it, who I let in.

It is Mary Lynn’s tenacity for excellence, John Doe’s pursuit of community, Sarah Smith’s openness about her struggles and Jane Johnson’s humble faith that God is a God of healing and comfort amid trials, and it is those without the capacity to share their stories openly that help me get up off the floor and open that door to fight another day. It is because of these valiant voices that we are able to bridge the gap between the unseen and those out in the light. It is because of their willingness to speak up about their stories, that gives a voice to the unspoken stories of others that don’t feel safe sharing. They are the catalyst for change, now it is your turn.

I hope you are touched and changed by our stories. I hope you let people in, slowly, surely. I hope the stigmas change because of your braveness to share your struggles. I hope you change, to become a voice for the voiceless and make the world a little more understanding. But most of all, I hope you sit and simply listen. ◆

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LIE PAPER STRAWS ARE A

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ver the past few years, there’s been an explosion in the sustainability movement.

With climate change worsening, the state of the environment has risen to the forefront of politics, particularly those of Generation Z. It’s common to see people toting around reusable utensils, bags and especially metal straws.

Straws, especially, have been a point of contention in the fight for the environment, as videos of sea turtles getting plastic straws stuck on them went viral, tugging on the heartstrings of a worldwide audience. A 2018 bill successfully restricted California restaurants from giving out single-use straws without customer request.

Many people applauded the implementation of this new law, considering it a vital step to a more wastefree world and to help the animals affected by plastic pollution. With this came the boom of metal straws, a portable, reusable alternative to plastic straws to “save the turtles!”

But of all plastic pollution, straws only account for approximately 0.025%, according to National Geographic in the article “A Brief History of How Paper Straws Took Over the World.”

Still, paper straws soon emerged as an alternative to plastic, especially in restaurant scenes. Is the marketing true? Are they a helpful, meaningful step toward protecting our environment?

Dr. Jacob Lanphere, professor of environmental science, says they may not be.

“Paper straws are something that have been introduced in our economy in the last five years, and they are still causing problems because they are still single-use materials,” Lanphere says. “A lot of (the) time these materials can end up floating in the wind,

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A lot of (the) time these materials can end up floating in the wind, accumulating in other locations.

Even though they are paper, they can still cause problems–such as land pollution.

- Dr. Jacob Lanphere

(professor of environmental science)

accumulating in other locations. Even though they are paper, they can still cause problems, such as land pollution.”

Lanphere also looked to the future.

“Some longterm effects of paper straws haven’t been investigated, such as health effects,” Lanphere says. “We’re ingesting these papers filled with chemicals in them (in) the human body.”

While an environmental standpoint is the easiest way to evaluate the pros and cons of the paper and metal straw boom, a less considered factor is the effect on the disabled population, who require the features offered by plastic straws to drink.

As a disabled woman, this oversight has always struck close to my heart. However, my disability in particular doesn’t affect my ability to drink. However, the kaleidoscopic lens of my disability allows me to see that we are at the bottom of the totem pole when considered for potential problems in normalized innovations of society — we are underrepresented almost everywhere.

Madison Lawson, 24-year-old disabled journalist whose work has appeared in Vogue, Teen Vogue, Allure, and Glamour, described her experiences with living after the quantity of accessible plastic straws began dwindling after California passed the 2018 bill. She lives with a rare form of muscular dystrophy called Ullrich Congenital Muscular Dystrophy (UCMD), an experience she wrote about in an oped for Teen Vogue called “Starbucks’ Elimination of Plastic Straws Is Bad for Disabled People.”

Lawson said that after the plastic straw ban, many people dismissed the disabled community’s concerns about not having access to plastic straws. Paper

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straws were offered as a viable alternative, but for hot beverages or prolonged use, they are simply not practical and do not work for everybody. Plastic straws also feature bendability, which can make drinking much easier for some of the population. Because she has limited head movement and weaker neck muscles, Lawson takes plastic straws along with her in her travels, as they become necessary for her to drink beverages when the drink level is low.

“People are so ready and hyped to jump on the woke train when it comes to that [plastic straw ban], to [say], ‘Oh! I love the environment!’ but they don’t prioritize disabled people’s needs,” Lawson says. “For some people a straw may be a simple luxury, or something they don’t need, but it’s not woke to take that option away from the people who do need it.”

However, according to Lawson, these misconceptions arise from the ignorance of abled people, and it is not meant as intentional harm to the disabled community.

“I have to believe that it’s just ignorance, that it’s a complete lack of knowledge that causes people not to care,” Lawson says. “I want to believe that if they did, they would think twice about taking away those materials.”

Restaurants can even be paid to actively combat their plastic-using habits. For example, the nonprofit Plastic Free Restaurants will subsidize the cost for a restaurant to convert to paper straws. This can be good for restaurants looking to conform to societal standards, but it fails to address the core problem of any present-time product — emissions. Whether plastic or paper, production systems account for a large amount of pollution.

“There was a lot of energy put into the system to create that paper straw, if we back up and look at the supply chain,” Lanphere says. “The trucks that drove the straws from the manufacturer are still creating air emissions. The manufacturing plant still had to use chemicals put into these materials. They are not the end-all, be-all to environmental issues.”

If paper straws are not a solution, Lawson said they should remain as a matter of personal choice. She suggested that people be allowed to adopt the mindset of sustainability if they please, but to keep plastic straws as an option for those who need them.

“I think that it should be a personal choice — restaurants should keep plastic straws available for people. But if someone feels that strongly about them and doesn’t want to use it? That is a personal choice. We shouldn’t eliminate excess in the process of personal choice.”

Regardless, the issue of straws remains contentious, and we will probably deal with paper melting into our Cokes for a while longer.

“

I have to believe that it’s just ignorance, that it’s a complete lack of knowledge that causes people not to care.

- Madison Lawson (freelance journalist)

Written by Lauren Brooks Designed by Madison Kirkland & Caleb Chong

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The cookie dough is melting in the slow, rising heat from the broken oven, that’s taking ages to preheat. the firetruck screams.

Tangled Christmas lights trip me as the pounding headaches repeat Pacing as plastic masks litter the streets.

Static on the screen, pressed into my palm, ingrained in my heartbeat. the constant pulse of bodies, reduced to hesitant release Stroke like symptoms cascade and mesh within our reality.

Time is ticking feverishly, as emptiness lengthens decay.

Togetherness, torn on our Christmas day. Separated by smudged screens, but Present all the same.

Written by Amberly Rose Garcia Designed by Camille Grochowski

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Photographed by Alyse Messmer

Vol. XI

New York New York Pursuit Magazine

NEWS FOR TODAY

Saturday, September 11, 2021

A WEEKEND IN NEW YORK

THE

Designed by Camille Grochowski & Koichi Furusawa

$2.21

STATEN

ISLAND FERRY

The Staten Island Ferry is a free attraction for visitors and locals alike. The ferry travels between St. George on Staten Island and Whitehall Street in lower Manhattan: a 5-mile, 25-minute ride. The ride offers beautiful views of the city and The Statue of Liberty by day or night, as ferries run 24/7, 365 days a year. The famous ferry makes more than 40,000 trips annually and has been running since 1905. It is an easy activity as ferries leave both ports every 30 minutes, except on holidays. The ferry departs from Manhattan at 4 Whitehall St., New York, NY 10006.

SIENA PIZZA

AND CANNOLI

Siena Pizza and Cannoli is a family-owned pizza shop in lower Manhattan and has more than 10 varieties of pizza. Sold by the slice or whole pies, this stop is perfect for college students at just $3 a slice. The restaurant also is known for its cannoli that comes in five different flavors: limoncello, tiramisu, classic, Nutella and a rotating seasonal flavor. Besides these two staples, Siena Pizza and Cannoli also serves salads, meatballs and calzones, chicken wings, chicken parmigiana sandwiches, and famous NYC Egg Cream in strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate flavors. The “Buy Me a Slice and Call Me Pretty” neon sign also makes the perfect photo op for visitors wanting to share their perfect New York-style pizza. The restaurant is located at 14 Rector St., New York, NY 10006.

TIMES SQUARE

Above: The Statue of Liberty is visible from the Staten Island Ferry.

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ew York City is known for iconic locations such as Times Square, The Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and more, but this is only the beginning of what tourists should see in this major city. When spending a weekend, or any amount of time, there are staples around the area that are worth the visit, especially for college students.

From the majestic skyline to truly being the city that

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Alyse Messmer Contributor

never sleeps, there is always something happening in New York City. This city has people from all over the world, talking the subway together but from totally different walks of life, experiencing the skyscraper-lined roads and feelings of being free. With New York pizza shops, globally iconic stops, and famous museums and attractions, The Big Apple has something for everyone.

Times Square is another iconic NYC destination where many movies and TV shows, and famous visitors have stepped. Home to Broadway and the famous neon billboards, Times Square is a major tourist stop in the city. Times Square is full of chain stores and restaurants such as Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., The Disney Store, M&M Store, Olive Garden, Taco Bell Cantina and a Hershey’s Chocolate World.

The iconic neon billboards trace the streets and invite you into the shops, restaurants and attractions in the square. Street performers dressed as beloved Marvel and Disney characters offer photo ops and a chance to say hi, as others perform dances and songs on the famous red steps in the center of the square. The banner of Good Morning America wraps around its corner building, flashing the latest news and insights in competition with the colorful ads surrounding it.

Closing your eyes you can hear cars honking, music playing, people laughing and the busyness of the city as it roars on--this is New York City.

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CENTRAL PARK Central Park is a world-famous destination that includes the Belvedere Castle, Central Park Zoo, Bethesda Fountain and Terrace, a conservatory garden and more. The park has more than 58 miles of hiking trails and bike and running lanes throughout. According to the park’s website, the “original purpose was to offer urban dwellers an experience of the countryside, a place to escape from the stresses of urban life and to commune with nature and fellow New Yorkers.” The 843 acres also include two skating rinks, baseball and soccer fields, a carousel, monuments and concert and theater venues.

Central Park is located in the middle of Manhattan between the Upper West and Upper East Sides, and it has entrances all around its edges.

GRANDTERMINAL CENTRAL

Above: The Staten Island Ferry provides locals and tourists a free ride from the bottom of Manhattan to Staten Island.

Grand Central Terminal (also known incorrectly as Grand Central Station, which is actually a post office down the street), opened in 1913 and is known for its beautiful interior. New York visitors often make a stop at this icon to snap a photo in the Main Concourse, but the station is also home to train, subway and bus stations. There are also 35 restaurants, 60 shops, and events such as markets and art exhibits. Grand Central Terminal is located at 89 East 42nd St., New York, NY 10017.

CENTRAL

PARK

ZOO

The Central Park Zoo is one of the most famous zoos in the world. The 6.5-acre zoo opened in 1861 and is home to a variety of animals including penguins, snow leopards, red pandas, lemurs, sea lions, puffins and more. According to the zoo’s website, its mission has been “to engage future generations of conservationists and create wildlife champions.”

The beautiful location also has a 4-D movie experience and a children’s zoo. Tickets cost $19.95 per adult and the zoo is open Monday through Friday from 10:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m., and weekends and holidays from 10:00 a.m.–5:30 p.m. The zoo is located at 64th Street & 5th Ave., New York, NY 10065.

Above: Grand Central Terminal has a variety of shops for commuters and tourists.

Below: The Central Zoo is home to more than 130 species that visitors can see.

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THE VESSEL

Below: The 9/11 Memorial is located where the Twin Towers fell on Sept. 11, 2001.

The Vessel is one of the newest NYC staples -- a unique architectural art piece located in Hudson Yards. Visited by thousands, the building offers beautiful views of the city and Hudson River. Visitors make a grueling climb of around 154 interconnecting flights of stairs, with 2,500 steps and 80 landings.

The building is currently closed for visitors to walk, but many tourists still travel to the site to take photos of the intricate building from the outside. When the attraction is open, tickets cost $10 per person, and the Vessel is open Monday through Sunday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. The Vessel is located at 20 Hudson Yards, New York, NY 10001.

Memorial &

9/11 Museum The 9/11 Memorial is located at Ground Zero, where the Twin Towers collapsed during the terrorist attack in 2001. The memorial is at the original locations of both towers that collapsed, now hollowed out gravesites of the buildings, fountains flowing down the sides and surrounded by the names of all the victims who lost their lives in the attack. Next to the memorial is the 9/11 Memorial Museum, which features various exhibits and audio tours to educate visitors about the horrific event.

The 9/11 Memorial Museum was dedicated on May 15, 2014, and opened to the public a few days later. The 9/11 Memorial site is open to the public daily from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and the museum is open Thursday through Monday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

The memorial site is free to visit, and students receive a discount for museum tickets, costing $20 per person instead of $26. The Memorial and Museum are located at 180 Greenwich St., New York, NY 10007.

REFINERY ROOFTOP

RESTAURANT The Refinery Rooftop Restaurant presents NYC in all its glory from hundreds of feet in the sky, and could save visitors $30-$40 in entrance fees to similar locations.

Other sightseeing attractions such as the Empire State Building, the Edge and more can offer great rooftop views, but The Refinery Rooftop offers great views of the Empire State Building as well as great food and drinks.

The rooftop is on top of the well-known 1912 Refinery Hotel, a four-star destination for visitors. This rooftop restaurant is only for visitors 21 and up, and is open seven days a week, and offers a weekend brunch. For a perfect bite to eat, the menu features veggie sliders, truffle or yucca fries, lobster rolls, salads, flatbreads, tacos, French toast and more. The Refinery Hotel is located at 63 W 38th St, New York, NY 10018.

Above: An employee at Bagelworks scoops bagels out of the fryer.

BAGELWORKS When looking for the perfect New York bagel, Bagelworks provides bagel flavors, sandwiches and spreads for everyone, even if you are gluten free. This bagel shop is a favorite for tourists and locals alike as the line usually wraps around the block. Visitors can watch the bagels being made right behind the counter, as well as croissants, muffins, biscuits, pound cake and more. Specialties also include bagel dogs, chicken pesto melts, seafood sandwiches, and Downtown Manhattan Sandwiches which include turkey, mozzarella, and bacon on a fresh bagel. Bagelworks has more than 20 different bagel options, and 25 different spread flavors including birthday cake, garlic poppy, bacon cheddar, and strawberry. Bagels start at only $1.50 and specialty sandwiches go to $12.95.

Bagelworks is located at 1229 1st Ave., New York, NY 10065 and is open seven days a week, 6a.m.--7p.m. ➤ Bottom Left: The Refinery Rooftop Restaurant Above: Bagel works offers a variety of bagels including offers a view of the Empire State Building. a bacon, egg and avocado breakfast sandwich.

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THE MET

N A

TT HA

KEY

Above: The Metropolitan Museum of Art , located on 5th Avenue in New York, is home to a collection of different exhibits, art and artifacts from around the world.

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The Metropolitan Museum of Art is one of the most well-known museums in the world, and it is full of art from more than 5,000 years around the world.

The MET has two locations: 5th Avenue and The MET Cloisters, but the 5th Avenue location is the main destination. The 22.2 square mile museum takes hours to see everything, and it is made up of various wings: Modern and Contemporary Art, Medieval Art, The American Wing, Egyptian Art, Greek and Roman Art, European Sculptures and Decorative Arts and more.

According to the museum’s website, the mission of the MET has been upheld since its founding in 1870: “The Metropolitan Museum of Art collects, studies, conserves, and presents significant works of art across all times and cultures in order to connect people to creativity, knowledge, and ideas.” Tyler Doench, Senior Marketing major, visited the MET during a recent trip to NYC, and said it was one of his favorite places to visit.

“One of my favorite parts of New York City has to be the Met. Going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art has always been a dream of mine and to finally go in and see all of the art on display was incredible. Two of my favorite parts that I got to see was the Egyptian exhibit because I remember it from the movie “Oceans 8” and loved that movie series growing up. And then to be able to see the fashion exhibit was also amazing because I love getting to see how fashion has evolved over the years. Seeing some of what is considered the best designers displayed was truly wonderful,” Doench said.

The Met 5th Avenue location is open Sunday– Tuesday and Thursday from 10 am to 5 p.m., Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., and it is closed Wednesdays. It is located at 1000 5th Ave, New York, NY 10028. The Met Cloisters is open Thursday through Tuesday from 10am–5pm and closed Wednesdays, and is located at 99 Margaret Corbin Dr., New York, NY 10040. ◆

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T

The CBU Flight School War Plan

he power of perspective is what shapes and pushes people to think differently and create new boundaries that redefine the status quo. The dominion of flight takes the norm and elevates it to profound heights and views. Aviation has soared to a new peak in job demand and is appearing in more university programs across the nation.

California Baptist University has been honing and refining their program even in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. Dr. John Marselus, chair of the Department of Aviation Science, has been orchestrating and building aviation programs in different schools for years, but he came and took over as the chair for CBU in 2018.

With 25 years of service in the Air Force as a pilot in combat and command centers, Marselus also took to education and received a Master of Arts in Religion as well as a doctorate in divinity.

“God revealed that my background would be used to go and raise this next generation for his glory, that they would serve him with their might, soul, mind and strength in the profession of aviation,” Marselus says. “So everything that I have learned in all these different schools that I have gone to, is going to be used for his glory.”

The heart behind the aviation program is to equip the next generation of pilots and aviation specialists to go forth and make a difference in the field. That begins by asking the simple question, “why do you want to fly?,” Marselus says.

“It’s a question I ask every prospective student. There has to be something God just gives inside of you that’s unexplainable, quite frankly,” Marselus says. “It was why at the age of 5 I would try to swing high enough and jump off my swing set, and I figured I might be able to fly if I flapped my arms. You just want to fly, and most people don’t have that, but every one of our students does.”

Allowing that passion and purpose to flow through the learning process at CBU is what makes this program different. Students are hungry to learn and give their all to a calling they feel in their bones. Jordan Helbig, sophomore aviation major will be graduating from the program in December 2022.

“I love flying. Its a thrilling and exciting challenge. I decided to study it because I

thought it would be a good career and also because I wanted to travel and see new places. I chose to study it at CBU because they had a really great program and great professors and I thought it would be the best academics I could get,” Helbig says.

Taking to the skies is not the only option available to students, as the aviation management tract as been in place since fall 2013. This is a non-flight major that equips students for business and managerial roles, according to Dr. Daniel Prather.

Prather is a professor in aviation management with more than 10 years of airport operations experience and is an accredited airport executive and certified aviation manager.

“The aviation management major is very flexible, preparing students for careers in airport operations, airline management, fixed base operations management and even jobs with the Federal Aviation Administration.” Prather says. He said the business of aviation needs professionals who understand the intricacies of airline operations but also the private pilot ground terminology. This major has grown significantly over the years and now has concentrations in aerospace technology and flight operations, to name a few. The mobility in this major allows for some students to also pursue FAA certificates and ratings, but no flight hours are required for the major itself.

The strength of this program is further reinforced with their ability to withstand March 2020: COVID-19.

“What took place in my mind was, ‘How do we serve the students?’” Marselus says. “It put me back into a mindset of being a war planner. The department of defense does a really excellent job of planning. They are some of the best planners, so I went to a lot of training in that, and in that, you have a situation and we have deliberate planning and crisis action planning,” At the time COVID struck, no deliberate orchestrations could have effectively prepared any program to handle the situation eloquently, so crisis action planning was grabbed from the shelf.

During the few operative weeks of the pandemic, Marselus and his team were looking at the situation and monitoring all local and federal ordinances being

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discussed, while simultaneously strategizing how best to serve their students.

“Aviation and flight schools were critical infrastructure, and then flight instructors were essential personnel. Those were two key elements that we had for aviation,” Marselus says. “Once we had that we were cleared to continue to operate by all government agencies, but now the due diligence is on us to find how were going to continue to operate and how do we do this in the best manner to keep our students flying, to keep them moving forward and mitigate risk.”

Four phases were published and brought before CBU’s leadership that showed cleaning procedures and safety measures above the norm being set by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and other government organizations. There was little debate left to keep the students from flying, so they took to the skies because the faculty was prepared and ready to fight for the future of their students.

“We ended up flying twice as much as we ever did because the procedures were working and the students were now online so they didn’t have to go to class,” Marselus says.

The protection of students and faculty throughout this process has allowed future Lancers to see the cultivation and mindfulness exhibited during tenuous circumstances. The foundation of the aviation program goes beyond getting students a job after graduation, but effectively and confidently allowing students to live their purpose.

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“When I meet with a parent and student, I tell them that I only want you here if this is where God will have you. You need to go where God will have you. If it’s somewhere else, great. If it’s here, great.” Marselus says. “But when you walk through these doors I want you to know that God is calling you to CBU, and he has sovereignly opened the door and you are where you are meant to be.”

The work is not done through idle hands, but through thoughtful and prayerful examination of the heart during hardship and success. Helbig shared her passion and excitement for flying that led her to get her private certificate in high school which has allowed her a swift progression through the program. When discussing next steps, there are a plethora of options available for pilots in the local sector as well as the armed forces, but that’s not all.

“I really want to be a missionary pilot. That’s the goal,” Helbig says. “Missionary flying looks like living overseas at least for a couple years with a company, and you just fly for them. It also could look like Samaritan’s purse where you fly missions teams from their safe zones or overseas, or even something local like Doctors Without Borders. We will see what doors open. I will probably instruct flight right when I graduate to build up hours and then I’m thinking about doing regional airlines just for ten years or so to get something on the resume and get a salary. Missionary flying is usually self funded.”

There is no uniform pathway for aviation majors to follow for their career, and

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the freedom to explore and venture into different parts of the world is a rather great perk.

The beginning of the semester is marked by an all-leaders celebratory meeting.

“We share all the accomplishments of our students and all that is going on for the program. The Marines were there. The navy was there. A local employer was there trying to hire all of them. In this time we got our part 141 at the FAA and our restrictive ATP so now our students can go to the airlines in two thirds of the time.

They can go in 1,000 instead of 1,500 hours. It was just a celebration of what God has done and we were all together.” Marselus says.

Coming together in person and being flooded with a program that is pulsing with life and growth is exciting and exhilarating. The passion behind the students and faculty is extending beyond campus, and the reach is only just beginning. Seeing how God has allowed the program to continue to grow and impact more students and the world beyond is another testament to the embodiment of CBU’s culture.

As fluid as the wind, a shifting time marks a new generation of leaders in the world of aviation. Passing by the CBU fleet, Marselus remarks on the question of if he missed flying. He paused and smiled, “I love to fly, but I love my students more.”

Written by Carolyn Bokinskie Photographed by Camille Grochowski Designed by Sofia Eneqvist and Camille Grochowski

Above: T-shirts from past aviation students that commemorate their success in finishing the program.

Top Right: Dr. John Marselus, chair of the Department of Aviation Science, talks about the CBU aviation program in his office.

Middle Right: Aaron Martinez, aviation flight major, pilots a plane during an aviation flight test.

Immediate Right: Martinez and flight instructor Tyler Powell put on their headphones before takeoff.

Bottom Right: Marselus walks toward the CBU aviation hangar.

P U R S U I T | 37

I love to , but I love “ my students even more.

- John Marselus

(chair of aviation science department)

VO L . X I I S S U E I

ISOLATION unexpected

Cancer, COVID-19 and Her Story

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I

t was around 10 a.m. on Nov. 1, 2020, when I awoke on the floor of my best friend Savannah’s room. While I focused my eyes and peered into the full-body, triple mirror vanity that hung on the white wall to my right, I glanced into my own eyes before noticing a curled-up figure against my side opposite of the reflection. Sitting up slightly on my elbow and brushing back my brown hair with my fingers, I looked over to the figure and rested a gentle hand onto her beautiful, long blonde locks of curled hair.

“Parto?” My voice was soft enough not to wake up Savannah, who was still asleep on the bed behind the shaking girl. She was lying with her face still hidden against the pink and brown-sided blanket that covered my body.

“Hey, are you OK? What’s wrong?”

All I got in response was a quiet, muffled sentence that took me a minute to understand.

“It hurts so much,” she said.

I immediately knew what she meant, my brown eyes quickly moving to look toward her left hip.

For the past couple of months, her hip had slowly been causing her more and more pain. At one point in early October she had collapsed after a photo shoot while we were walking up a hill towards my car. Another friend of ours, Rayne, had to carry her the rest of the way up the hill while I ran to get the car so I could meet them at the end of the path. At the time, none of us knew what was causing the sudden immobilizing pain in Parto’s hip. There were certainly moments when

we somberly joked about it being cancer, but it would not be until a week later that we would realize the irony of our joking assumptions.

On Nov. 8, 2020, Parto Rohani was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a type of cancer found in the bone. In Parto’s case, the tumorous mass was found around her femur and left hip bone--the same hip I woke up to her crying about a week before her diagnosis.

“I kind of laughed,” Parto reflects with me as we sit together in her apartment in Mission Viejo, California, nine months later after her final chemotherapy session. “I was kind of ready… I was like, ‘OK, I’ve done this before.’”

Parto has undergone two other forms of cancer: retinoblastoma and acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Retinoblastoma is cancer that begins in the retina and is most commonly found in children. She was born with this cancer. At 9 years old, she developed ALL, a blood and marrow cancer. This most recent time with osteosarcoma, Parto faced an additional battle alongside cancer.

It was 2020, and she would have to fight the psychological impact of isolation too.

Before the unexpected rise of coronavirus cases across the globe and the strict lock down placed on hospitals, cancer patients were able to see multiple visitors while receiving treatment. When Parto was in the hospital during her first two times with cancer, her relatives and friends frequently visited her and stayed over long periods of time, keeping her company and boosting her morale.

In the midst of a global pandemic, those visitors were no longer able to see her in person. Cancer patients are immunocompromised and therefore high-risk individuals, pressuring oncology wards to follow strict lockdown procedures. During Parto’s stay in the hospital, only one visitor was allowed to stay in the room with her at a time.

Parto’s mother, Farokh “Roxy” Emani, usually stayed in the room. Her uncle also came down from New Mexico and stayed at their home during the majority of Parto’s treatment to assist Roxy as well as support Parto. Occasionally a relative or close friend would stop by and stay with Parto, but the majority of the time spent in

the hospital room was just her and her mother.

Roxy knows how it feels. She, too, is a survivor of cancer and at higher risk to contract COVID-19.

“With COVID, it was really scary… I was terrified that if she got COVID, what was going to happen? Especially in the middle of her treatment,” Roxy said.

I was only able to visit Parto once at Providence Mission Hospital Mission Viejo before she was moved to the Children’s Hospital of Orange County in Orange, California, where doctors performed a proximal femoral resection surgery and chemotherapy. While I was there, regulations were already extremely strict towards visitors and my visitation was brief.

I stood tensely in the elevator and stared at my murky reflection in the metallic elevator walls, I pictured Parto’s beautiful, long blonde hair that she had the last time I saw her, the last time before any of us knew about the tumor on her hip and femur. As I slowly stepped out of the elevator and turned the corner to come face to face with her hospital room door, I released a shaky breath before walking in with a smile on my face.

There she laid on the bed, clothed in a baby

blue hospital gown while the lower half of her body was covered in white, scratchy-looking hospital sheets. An IV connected her left arm to a machine on the side of the bed, and as my steps echoed against the tan walls and checkered tiled floor, her brown eyes flickered up from her phone screen towards me. As I quickly sat on the bed and gave her a gentle hug, Parto rested her head on my shoulder; blonde locks no longer covered her pale scalp. Her hands looked as delicate as porcelain, and her eyes were half-lidded with exhaustion, but I knew she was still the same strong woman I had grown to love dearly over these past few years of knowing her.

After that brief visit and once Parto was officially moved to CHOC, regulations on her visitations were much more enforced. Once she began chemotherapy, I did not get to see her in person until months later. There was the occasional FaceTime or phone call, and of course, our group chats remained lively, but there were moments of complete isolation that severely affected Parto during her treatments. There was a period of time during her stay at the hospital when Parto was placed in complete quarantine. She remembers feeling trapped and not being able to leave her hospital room at all.

“I couldn’t even leave my own room… People would be outside my

Bottom Left: Parto and her dog, Hazel, sit together in her room.

Middle Right: Parto points at and names people from the group of friends she made while in the hospital.

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hospital room talking, but I couldn’t go out there,” she said. “By day five, I forgot where I was. When someone opened the door to the outside of the hospital I forgot what part of the hospital I was even in because I was stuck in that room for so long.”

Prior to hospital lockdowns, children’s oncology wards would often have weekly events to help boost the spirits of younger patients during their treatments. Actors dressed up as princesses and superheroes would spend time playing and singing with patients and their families, music artists would come and perform, even large corporations like Krispy Kreme would host doughnut and coffee days. Kelsey Chapman, the CHOC Adolescent and Young Adult Program Coordinator for oncology patients, is the face behind all of these events. When hospitals had to go on lockdown and in-person events were placed on hold, she and her team had to begin brainstorming new ways to maintain a positive atmosphere for patients like Parto who were stuck in their hospital rooms.

Like many groups and organizations around the world, the Adolescent and Young Adult Program Coordinator team began with small events held over zoom. However, as many people experienced during quarantine, there is a moment when zoom fatigue starts to set in. Once zoom meetings lost their significance, Chapman began to search for new ways to keep events going for patients.

“I reached out to organizations about donating supplies, and I would put together art kits and put them at valet. Patients would come and pick them up and then an art teacher would teach a class on Zoom, and they all had their supplies at home,” Chapman said. This gave patients something more tangible to do while maintaining their safety. Once stricter lockdown restrictions were lifted in early 2021, Chapman and her team were finally able to begin hosting socially distanced in-person events again. Some of the socially distanced events Kelsey is most proud of include an outdoor movie night, a drive-thru disco and even a graduation ceremony for patients who were still in school during their treatments.

Parto has an outgoing and extroverted personality, so attending inperson events at the hospital in the last few months of her treatment helped her maintain a more positive mindset. However, when those events were not going on, Parto still had to find other ways to keep herself occupied while confined to her hospital room. “We watched so much Netflix,” Roxy chuckled, thinking back on the number of shows she and Parto binged

while at the hospital.

One of Parto’s favorite shows, “Grey’s Anatomy,” was something that she was able to watch in its entirety for the 15th time. It is her favorite show. “I know that’s a lot, but I had a lot of time,” Parto laughed.

Another thing that helped keep Parto’s spirits high during treatment was butterflies.

In my years of knowing her, I have always seen Parto as a social butterfly. Her smile is contagious, and she has a sense of humor that leaves our group of friends laughing uncontrollably no matter where we are. Even at her lowest, Parto was able to break out of her cocoon of isolation, spread her wings and bring laughter to anyone that walked into that hospital room.

Butterflies have always represented an important piece of symbolism for change and freedom in Parto’s life, but after she was diagnosed she found a new significance for them in her life. “[Butterflies] became a symbol of hope and strength…the second I was diagnosed, I started seeing them everywhere,” Parto said while fiddling with the golden butterfly ring that she often wears on the index finger of her left hand. Since the representing color of osteosarcoma is a yellow-gold, most of her butterfly themed jewelry is that color.

Now that Parto has ended chemotherapy — her last chemotherapy treatment was on July 19, 2021 — butterflies also represent a returning sense of freedom to her life. She explained her release from the hospital as a bittersweet ending to her third run with cancer. While Parto was excited to reunite with friends she had not seen for months, she also struggled with saying goodbye to her friends still in the hospital. But because she is still very involved with CHOC, Parto is still able to attend events with the patients and nurses she bonded with in the hospital while she waits to be officially declared in remission next July.

Words cannot describe the happiness I felt when I saw Parto again after her last chemo session. Even as I sat with her in her room, surrounded by the bright pink walls, her designer brand collection and Charlie Gillespiethemed merchandise, it was hard to hold back tears while she told me about her time in and out of the hospital. Of course, not everything is back to normal in the world, but one thing that never changed during the nine month period from November of 2020 July 2021 was Parto’s strength and radiant personality.

[Butterflies] became a symbol of hope and strength…the second I was diagnosed, I started seeing them everywhere.

Roxy & o t r a P

- Parto Rohani

July 17, 2021 Pa rto’s Last Chem o!!

Parto & Kelsey

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TWO F students

journey in

printing

FILM

DA R E D R O O M R U L E S

ilm photography. It’s a hobby, a lifestyle, an aesthetic.

In a day and age when instant satisfaction and results are demanded, film continues to thrive and remain popular among certain groups. But is it simply for the aesthetic? Certainly film must be more than just aesthetic photos you can pin on your wall. What draws people to shoot on film when they could get similar results instantaneously?

While answers to these questions may differ from person to person, part of the draw to film photography for some is the developing process. Most film photographers may simply send their photos elsewhere to have them developed and are either unable to process their photos themselves or don’t know how. Film photographs cannot be printed the same way as images from a DSLR, requiring a room void of light.

This room is called a darkroom.

Last fall, when CBU acquired additional space offcampus in Adams Business Park, senior photography majors Daniel Ardill and Raymond Alva created their own darkroom here at California Baptist University with the blessing of Christopher Kern, the program lead for the photography department. Given some of the extra space within the center, an unused bathroom, Ardill and Alva got to work building. Investing time and money, the students worked around both a urinal and regular standing toilet as they found equipment via sites like eBay for the developing and printing process. Now, the darkroom is fully operational and, although a small space, Alva does not find the space limiting at all.

“It’s very DIY,” Alva said, looking around the room. “But it works.”

Both students expressed acceptance of the new space they built, moving the equipment around until they found a good workflow. The sink became their only pitfall. Small in size, it did not allow the bigger containers to be filled easily and could also not provide the students with the distilled water film developers prefer.

However, Ardill described himself as someone who “flies by the seat of his pants” and doesn’t worry about going through the development steps perfectly. He defined the motto of their darkroom as: “making do with what we got.”

Ardill’s previous experience using other darkrooms sparked the idea to create the space. Although he had enjoyed film photography for a while, it was not until 2019 that he tried developing for the first time. Both students were taking an alternative process class in Spring 2020 when the pandemic hit, sending them home without the ability to get hands-on experience. Alva stated that this class helped him gain interest in developing, and both students furthered their knowledge with YouTube videos. After that, they both began to buy their own equipment.

They hoped to create a space for people to develop their film on campus. A lot of people were interested in learning and using the space, even though CBU does not offer a course on the subject. Ardill and Alva, instead, act as the pseudo-professors of the darkroom.

“It depends on if we’re free to teach them to use it. And if we’re not here then it doesn’t really work,” Alva said.

Ardill hopes for the darkroom to eventually be selfsustaining. On the walls around the room are papers stating, “Da red room rules,” lists of available equipment, and how to set up, use, and clean the darkroom. The intention of this was for people to “walk in, read [them], and do everything,” Ardill said. The students created a space that allows selfsufficiency, but both students are now too busy to be available to everyone who wants to learn. This remains the vision for the darkroom, however, and both students hope that it will become independent of them.

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The future of the darkroom, however, is a little uncertain.

With most of the equipment bought by Ardill and Alva themselves, it is unknown what will be left when the two graduate next semester. Ardill, however, believes he will leave the equipment available for students unless he finds space to use it.

You have most likely interacted with film photography in some way. Whether it is the old photos that your grandma pulls out during the holidays or that one friend who is always taking polaroid pictures, what’s the big deal about film photography and printing? What makes it so special?

Creating a new community and mass following in recent years, film photography has been “rediscovered,” as Photography Program lead Christopher Kern says.

“Film has never gone away,” Kern says, “and it’s usually institutions like ours that keep the darkroom alive.”

Kern shared his vision for the future of the project, expressing interest in building a traditional darkroom and creating a space capable of hosting academic classes. Ardill and Alva’s darkroom, unfortunately, is small and unable to meet the current social distancing standards of today.

“We don’t get hired by clients to create darkroom prints,” Alva says. “It’s important to keep [film] alive… because it’s part of the history of photography.”

History and recreational purposes, however, are not the only reasons the students created the darkroom.

Using film teaches an “understanding [of] light and composition and everything that encompasses photography,” Alva says. “Film forces you to really understand those things… [film photography is] a really good tool.”

*All photos with black borders are film pictures shot, developed and scanned in the darkroom.

Currently, the darkroom is used by only a few people, which has made managing the space easier for its creators.

Because of its few users, Ardill and Alva have not needed to create a system for the space, with mostly Photography Program students being the ones interested in using it.

However, more people have expressed interest in learning, and the students do offer sessions to teach how to use their darkroom. What’s next for the darkroom? Graduating this coming spring, both Ardill and Alva hope that the darkroom will be kept alive by a fellow student, sophomore photography major Miguel Esparza.

“We are in the process of obtaining chemicals and other materials to expand the darkroom, so that we can start hosting makeshift workshops on film development and printing,” Esparza says.

This venture requires a community effort and he hopes that more people will continue to be interested in film.

Top: David Ardill, senior photography major, talks about the process of developing film while in the dark room.

Middle: A contact sheet of photos shot by Ramond Alva.

Bottom: Ardill shows a friend the difference between two printing styles.

DA R E D R O O M R U L E S

But what draws people to film? Both Kern and Alva described film as a luxury. So, is it special because of the image you get from it, or because it’s the fad? Ardill said that the film photography process attracts the artist. Both students shared that they went through a phase of shooting film just because it was film.

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“Once you move past that, it doesn’t matter what it’s shot on or how it’s shot. It’s more for you and the process and how it helps you get to where you want to go,” Ardill says. “Not every project needs to be shot on film. The power is really in the image.”

For some, part of the draw of film photography and development is the process film must go through in order to see the final image. “[That’s] the magic behind it… There’s no instant gratification… that magic appears when you process or develop [the photo],” Kern says.

Top: Raymond Alva, senior photography major, demonstrates the process of using an enlarger.

Middle Two: The darkroom has a wide variety of chemicals needed to develop and print film.

Bottom: Alva and Ardill look over a contact sheet of photos shot by Alva.

“

[That’s] the magic behind it...There’s no instant gratification...

that magic appears

when you process or

develop [the photo]

- Christopher Kern

(photography program lead)

You might be surprised to see that the process of developing film is actually pretty simple. Essentially, anyone can develop film on their own if they have the few things required for it. A darkroom is needed, however, to print the film. To print, a 35-millimeter film strip is placed in a holder inside one of the two enlargers in Ardill and Alva’s darkroom. Once secure, the enlarger is turned on, causing light to shine through the negative image onto photographic paper. From there, the image is laid in chemicals — developer, sop, and fix — and washed in water.

Printing is relatively cheap. Ardill said that it costs about $3-5 per print. In terms of printing’s time consumption, however, it depends. Alva said that some negatives are harder to work with than others and finding the perfect printing process can take a while. For some photos, different areas require different lengths of exposure to acquire a certain level of brightness or darkness. This process, called dodging and burning, requires experimentation and patience. However, it is within these prints, Kern said, that photography comes to life. Ardill encouraged those interested in film photography to simply try the process.

“Just do it… it’s not as intimidating as you think. If you know how to take a photo on your phone or with a DSLR, you can take a photo on film,” he said. “It’s not any different; it’s just a little scarier and little more expensive…

You just need to be willing to take that risk.”

In the future, Kern hopes to build a full-sized traditional darkroom. This, he said, would allow for CBU to compete at a higher level in the academic region.

“Experiment, be creative and try,” he encourages. He recommended interested students to find people who are willing to give feedback and critique. While online videos can teach important information, he said, they don’t critique. For students looking for resources, Kern pointed students to Riverside City College’s traditional black and white class. Additionally, the Irvine Fine Arts Center has a community-based darkroom available at $15 a day.

So, to you, the aspiring artist, take in the words of each of these seasoned photographers: “Just start shooting.” You will never know what it is like until you try. And, you can always find fellow students willing to help you on your film photography journey. “The magic is not in the medium of photography,” Kern says, “but in the… creator of the photograph, and what they’re experiencing, and what they’re trying to showcase and what they’re trying to share with their world.”

Written by Claire Grimes Photographed by Charlie Sands Designed by Caleb Chong P U R S U I T | 47

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FILM PHOTOGRAPHY

W

hy would anybody shoot film? Who would pay around $20 a roll to end up with just 24 grainy images?

Despite the obvious disadvantages, film photography has experienced a resurgence in popularity. Perhaps you are one of these people interested in the outdated medium. Whatever the reason may be, something about film has piqued your interest.

For me, it was the sound of a film camera shutter. Oh, the glorious mechanical crunch the camera makes as the shutter snaps in motion. When I finally got my hands on a Canon AE-1, the heftiness of the camera along with the tactile surface just felt…right.

Film photography at first only had my curiosity, but now it had my attention. After a while, I realized that it was precisely because of its disadvantages that made film so special. Having to pull the advance lever, meter for light and focus became extremely meditative and calming. The time and effort that went into each shot made the picture much more valuable.

I couldn’t waste any shots, so I became more attentive of my surroundings in order to find something photo worthy.

Because of this, I started to notice things that I otherwise wouldn’t have. From obscure billboards to rusty automobiles, the ordinary seemed to be a little bit more magical. So if you want to get lost in a meditative process, push yourself creatively or just want to find a new way to enjoy life, perhaps film photography is the thing for you.

Hopefully this will give you just enough to get you started on your film photography journey. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to fall in love with an art form that will give you a new appreciation for life.

And also drain your bank account.

Written & Designed by Caleb Chong

steps.

1

film format

This refers to the size of the film negative, which is important because the camera you decide to buy will only be able to take in the one format. The most common format of film that cameras use is 35mm (aka 135 film). Other formats include medium format (120) film and large format film. These film formats are larger in size, therefore having a higher resolution. If you’ve ever seen a disposable camera or any sort of handheld film camera, it is probably 35mm. It’s the best place to start your film photography journey.

3 lens

On the other hand, Single-lens Reflex Cameras are the industry standard for film photography. This is the best bet for those looking for entry into a more intermediate photography. An SLR camera utilizes a mirror and a prism to allow the photographer to see the exact shot they are about to take. Most importantly, an SLR will allow control over the shutter speed and aperture, requiring manual exposure information. The photographer must properly adjust these settings to take a well-exposed shot. This not only gives more creative freedom, but also allows photography in a larger variety of places, where an automatic camera may create an undesirable image. The Canon AE-1 and Pentax K-1000 are the go-to suggestions for entry SLRs, but those specific cameras can be difficult to find due to the resurgent popularity of film. Do not fret, because there are tons of similar cameras that are simply less popular. Getting a good SLR for around $150 (these days) is not an impossible task!

If you didn’t get a disposable or point-and-shoot, welcome to step 3! An easy way to start is a 50mm lens. It is a good lens for beginners because it usually has a low aperture, allowing the maximum amount of light into the lens. If the 50mm seems too limitng, many photographers use a general zoom lens. When zoomed all the way out, the lens will be able to capture most things in front of the camera. When zoomed in all the way, one can get a very close picture of something that is far away. Lenses come in all shapes and sizes, though each has its own characteristics and stylistic avenues.

FILM PHOTOGRAPHY

2 camera

Time to get a camera. A point-and-shoot is a small, often fully automatic electronic camera. An automatic camera will advance the film, expose the picture, and even roll the film back into the canister when every frame has been captured. It will usually even come with a flash and an inseparable lens. It is very easy to use and a perfect place to start if all you want is some easy “aesthetic.”

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4

film stock

This is when things start to get fun. There are three things to consider when choosing a film roll: Color, ASA and Style.

Color: The first step is simple: color or black and white? Many individuals suggest starting out with black & white because the resulting photos will be more forgiving for beginners. Black and white helps photographers pay more attention to important elements like compostition and contrast. However, it is more expensive to buy and develop. But, in all honesty, it makes no difference and aspiring film photographers should choose based on their interests.

ASA: All film rolls showcase the “ASA” of the product, which refers to the sensitivity of the film to light. ASA 100, for example, lets in only a little light, but results in an image with little to no grain. On the other hand, an ASA of 800 lets in significantly more light, allowing photographers to use a higher shutter speed and smaller aperture if they wish. High ASA numbers are a must for nighttime photographers or those who shoot primarily indoors.

Style: There are a variety of film stock brands and within those brands are several options for film stock. Each offers a unique look that can be utilized creatively depending on what kind of image in desired. Kodak film stocks gravitate towards the warmer tones, meaning that the reds and oranges will usually stand out in their pictures.

Fujifilm, on the other hand, is mostly known to emphasize cooler tones. While Kodak and Fujifilm may be massive producers of film, hundreds of other options are also avaliable.

The best way to learn film photography is to shoot as much as you can. Shooting a lot will not only make the process intuitive, but your developed images will tell you what you can do better next time. Kodak Gold 200 is a great way to start because it is cheap but has good quality for what you pay for.

Anatomy of a Film Roll film strip brand cannister film name

5

ASA

shoot

6 develop

A point-and-shoot is easy -- just press the button! For anything else, however, manual congrols begin to be important. Exposing your photo means knowing how to set the shutter speed and aperture in conjunction with the ASA so that your image isn’t too light or dark. Many SLRs have an internal light meter that helps to photographer see if their photo is properly exposed and suggest a recommended shutter speed or aperture. A light meter smartphone app, too, could help budding photographers learn the ins and outs of light in varying environments.

Once a film roll is completed, remember to reel the film back into the canister before opening the back of the film camera. From here, you can send your film rolls to a developing lab that will develop, scan and even print your pictures. Establishments like The Darkroom Photo lab or Gelatin Labs have great websites where users can pay online and send rolls through the mail. Established film photographers develop the film themselves, but the process takes money, time and dedication. The process requires chemicals, a developing kit and a way to scan each fram individually. Labs always have an option to send your physical negatives back too, usually at an additional cost/

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FILM PHOTOGRAPHY

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Pursuit Film Gallery 15

This spread is a showcasing of film pictures submitted by CBU students. The pictures were shot by the following: 1-2: Camille Grochowski junior photography major 3-4: Lilian Choi sophomore exercise science major 5-6: Miguel Esparza sophomore photography major 7-8: Charissa Graves sophomore journalism and new media major 9-10: Charlie Sands freshman philosophy major 11-12: Elijah Hickman senior journalism major 13, 16: Alissa Koretoff junior graphic design major 14-15: Marharyta Smirnova senior public relations major

Tremendous thanks to those who submitted film pictures to the magazine. Here’s to keeping film alive.

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POT OF HONEY

Written by James Charles Lee

Designed by Luc Stringer and Caleb Chong

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To Access Playlists Open the Spotify app and click the camera icon in the search bar to scan code and listen to the playlist each Pursuit staff member made just for you.

This spotify playlist contains a collection of songs worth the replay from various music styles recommended by the Pursuit staff.

Click shuffle and enjoy the Pursuit Staff Selects!

A RT I C L E NA M E T H A N K YOU

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