MILLENNIAL MATTERS

TRUST IS A MUST

Think back to the very first time you were lied to, a time you were really deceived. Do you remember it? I’m not asking you to recall stories of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. No, what I’m referring to is a lie that cut so deep it had you questioning everything you knew about the person who told it to you. Specifically, the lie had you questioning their trust.

The older we get, the harder it is to trust someone. Then again, perhaps it’s not so much age, but wisdom or life experiences that cause us to gauge another individual’s intentions more closely. We no longer take words or actions at face value, instead coat ourselves in thick, iron-clad armor to ensure we’re protected from ugly lies, backstabbing and cruel motivations.

In a way, this sounds cynical, right? I mean, until proven otherwise, don’t we owe it to that someone to trust them? To give them the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, for many of us, there have been too many lies, too many bouts of shattered trust. As a result, we have no choice but to take on a harsh yet precautionary mantra: Fuck the benefit; I have doubt.

To be fair, it’s rather easy to get caught up in the belief that everyone has some sort of secret agenda or some element they’re hiding. Take a look at apps like Instagram, Facebook and Grindr. Each has its own way to send invisible messages, or a vanish mode to help keep chats camouflaged or an option that allows you to turn your profile incognito. Hell, Snapchat was clearly designed for the sole purpose of not leaving behind any evidence. And who worries about leaving behind evidence? Liars, cheaters and, you know, serial killers.

Why is there a need for these types of anonymity features, regardless of the app or platform? Seriously! If a person truly has nothing to hide, isn’t trying to be sneaky or misleading, has no qualms about their actions and behaviors, then are these facets necessary? It’s almost as if we’re led to believe that it’s OK — dare I even say, normal? — to present false versions of ourselves.

Before anyone argues the notion of privacy, let me make one small request: Check your dictionary. There’s a big difference between being a private person and a mendacious person.

I can’t help but wonder when this started. How it started. Why it started. This whole universal acceptance of lying to one another, especially lying to the ones we love the most. Is it a defense mechanism of some kind? Is it a way to protect ourselves, to avoid the risk of judgment? Is it an addiction? Are there people out there who actually enjoy lying and get off on tricking others?

We’re all familiar with Pinocchio’s story. There’s a reason it’s introduced to us at such a young age. Whether you like the story, hate it or feel indifferent toward it, you at least remember its central theme: lying. And what happens to liars?

Fine, in reality, our noses may not grow every time we tell a lie, but there are still severe consequences to lying. When we lie to someone, we’re essentially distancing them from ourselves, pushing them away, destroying any possible chance at a meaningful, authentic relationship. This leads to a pretty obvious outcome: solitude. I hope you kept your dictionary out, because, again, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Perhaps you like being alone. Who doesn’t yearn for a moment of seclusion? However, consistent lying, robbing people of the opportunity to trust you and genuinely get to know you is a surefire way to end up alone — permanently. Undoubtedly, new victims will come along, a fresh audience to spread lies and misconceptions to, but eventually, they’ll be pushed away, too. It’s a vicious cycle that won’t stop until you stop . . . until you stop lying.

Additionally, it’s important to be careful who you tell a lie to, because, as the saying goes: “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Sometimes, forever never comes, and that bond that took so long to form and blossom, it never returns.

You may not be able to remember the very first time you were lied to, but you can likely think of some examples where someone close to you lied, broke your trust and tainted the connection between the two of you.

That’s ultimately what lies do — big or small, pointless or significant — they act like acid, disintegrating trust. And without trust, what do we have?