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December 2011 • Vol. 1, No. 3
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Yo u r l i f e i n r e t r o
That’s the Ticket!
The Wonka Kids Today
The New American Gothic 867-5309/Jenny The Return of the Afternoon Dance Show The Smiths • Family Game Night • The Brady Dirt
The Legends of
Raquel Welch Rich Little’s Big Impressions
c ntents T h e M o d e r n — Yo u r l i f e i n r e t r o In this issue:
That’s the Ticket: The Wonka Kids Now
Roll up for the post-factory tour. Find out what the “kids” have been up to (and it has nothing to do with sipping Fizzy Drinks).
Rich Little: Big Impressions The voices of a generation speaks up about his many lives and loves.
Return of Dancin’On Air and Dance Party USA Producer Mike Nise is bringing back the Philly-based dance show, but tweaking it for the digital age.
Off the Hook: Jim Keller Calls Jenny/867-5309 In an age before area codes, Jim Keller of Tommy TuTone co-wrote the 80s anthem, but these days he calls Phili Glass his employer. But pity the poor sons of bitches whose phone number was 867-5309 in 1982.
Modern Travels: Palm Springs Palm Springs — Mark Mussari travels to the land of the lost hipsters. Retro abounds!
The New American Gothic Photographer Josh Sailor gives his own contemporary spin on the beloved classic.
On the cover: Katya and Christian from Fusion Photographer: Josh Sailor • joshsailor.com
Retro Watch: Todd Newton’s Family Game Night is a Winner! Fabled game-show host Todd Newton talks about hosting — and playing — life-sized retro games on the Hub channel’s Family Game Night. The United States of American Gothic It’s arguably the most famous painting in American history. Historian Steven Biel explains the mystery of and obsession with Grant Wood’s classic. Sit on It Mark Mussari takes a load off our minds about the classically beautiful Eames chair. Retro Foodie Ellen’s Stardust: New York’s favorite Fifties diner gets sampled by our Retro Foodie. Girls Were Girls & Men Were Men: Raquel Welch Those aren’t buoys: the legends of Raquel Welch. Great Forgotten: The Forgotten Hits of the 70s The amazing Seventies singles that you didn’t wish you forgot. Discovering The Smiths An uncommon new take on the old group with the common name. Memory Speedway Family Ties Dig This DVD: The Partridge Family
Parting Shot: Bette Davis sings “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane” on the Andy Williams Show.
letter from the editor
Call Me! Here’s my number and a dime. Call me anytime. When I was a kid, mom would always remind me to carry spare change in my pocket. The reason: in case of an emergency, I would be able to make a desperate phone call from a phone booth. This I’m sure is pretty much universal, but here’s the mind-blower: only recently had I realized that I am still carrying change in my pocket, and for the very same reason! It’s all pretty much unconscious, but nevertheless, here’s me, at midlife, mindlessly dumping quarters and dimes into my pocket before I leave the house, just in case! Even if there is not a pay phone to be found in all of Manhattan, I still subliminally need that peace of mind to know that I am prepared for a phone booth emergency. That’s the power of memory. Or to put it another way, while some things go away forever, they remain with us (that’s the theme of this magazine, by the way). While we’re on the phone, can somebody give me an “amen” for the good, oldfashioned land phone conversation? I feel as if the entire planet has completely forgotten how pleasurable it is to have a calm, slow-moving land phone conversation with a friend or relative. No yelling, no walking or pacing, no repeating, no intrusive rudeness, no dropped calls, no interference – just simply sitting on a chair in a room, with a phone that plugs into a wall, and talking intimately. You mean to tell me that nobody else misses moments like that? Have we evolved that far? I guess you’re all too busy redialing and yelling at your mobile carrier company to think about it. Face it, fool, we made a deal with the devil: we vow to be totally subscribed to the convenient chaos of smart phones. And today, the entire world is shouting into them, staring into them, shoving their fingers into them. I’ll admit I’m as guilty as anyone else, but I’m not giving up my land phone either. If you’ve got one, call me. Let’s talk. Let’s also enjoy this awesome issue of The Modern. Hanging out with the Wonka kids was literally like a dream. Dig it like this: I had this dream that I was hanging out with the Wonka cast in a beautiful room in The Essex House on Central Park South. Yet they appeared to me as they look today, not then. And they could not have been more interesting, down to earth, friendly and fabulous. This was no dream, and I was glad to be a part of their 40th anniversary celebration. We also reconnect with Rich Little, and Jim Keller of Tommy TuTone, among many other retro delights. Start flipping. You’ll see. There is so much more past to come. Stay on the line. And thank you for calling. Ron Sklar Editor
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Yo u r l i f e i n r e t r o .
Editor • Ron Sklar Art Director • Jennifer Barlow Copy Editor • Patty Wall
Contributing Writers: Jay S. Jacobs • Mark Mussari • Jimmy Yang • Eric Golosman Desiree Dymond • William Shultz • Sean Glass • Jacob Schirmer
Contact us: info@themodern.us
The Modern | December 2011
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Tapping the shoulders of
65 million baby boomers (and their babies). Tap our shoulder if you want to advertise:
info@themodern.us
Your life in retro. The past is very now.
reconnecting: the wonka kids
A new DVD Blu-Ray release assures them a good day, sir. I said, “Good day!” Hard to believe that when Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory premiered in 1971, it was a critical dud and a box office bomb. In a way, the film was its own worst enemy. A cynical movie in a cynical era, its sweet-and-sour bizarreness stood in the way of its potential success. However, the film’s subtle hidden gifts were carefully unwrapped with time. Only repeated airings on network and cable television, and eventual issues and reissues of videos and DVDs, have turned the hard-to-peg children’s classic into a worldwide obsession. By now, generations of fans have Willy Wonka hard-wired into their DNA. With the 40-year anniversary of the film’s debut (and its current Warner Brothers’ Blu-Ray DVD release), members of the original cast reunited for publicity and press. With the exception of Julie Dawn Cole (who played Veruca Salt), all of the Wonka-tour winners have retired from acting. Yet the cast is glad to share its memories and current lives with us as we continue to not get enough of this weird world of pure imagination. The Modern | December 2011
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Peter Ostrum Charlie Bucket His life now: I’m a veterinarian in upstate New York. I’m a partner in a mixed animal practice. We have fourteen doctors on staff, three clinics, and we primarily do dairy work. Some horses but primarily dairy work. The first adult I met who seemed to really love what he did for work was a vet. He enjoyed a lot of the same things that I did, working with animals, being outside. It’s kind of a neat job. You get to use your head. You have to be smart. You have long and shortterm goals, working with people, working with clients and their animals. But at the same time, it’s very physical. I like being outside. www.themodern.us
I like traveling from farm to farm. I like the area where I live, close to the Adirondacks. I do a lot of hiking, canoeing. How Peter became Charlie: I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. I had done theater at The Cleveland Playhouse and a few commercials. I had never done any film. The casting agency contacted the playhouse and asked if they had anybody that they would recommend who would fit the role of Charlie and my name was given to them. I was in the right place at the right time. His experience on the film: I think all of the kids of the film, even though I didn’t have as much acting experience as the other kids, were all expected to work as professionals. And we all did.
There was no screwing around. Everybody was there for a reason. In the film industry, there are two people in front of the camera, and December 2011 | The Modern
reconnecting: the wonka kids an army of people behind the camera. And when you see that all of these people are counting on you, that you have this job to do, it definitely made an impression on me and I didn’t want to let them down. But making a film, because it’s spread out over such a long period of time, the excitement is over pretty quickly. This is going to be a lot of work. Being an actor, it’s time to be in my role, and you do that. His Wonka legacy: [My children are] not impressed anymore. Because it’s been part of my life for so long, it’s been part of their lives. I think they are amazed that people are still interested in talking to Dad about Charlie. I am proud of the film. My family is proud of it. It’s a unique experience. There are not too many kids who can say that they were Charlie. It’s been a fun ride.
Julie Dawn Cole Veruca Salt Her film experience: We were just a little unit on our own. We didn’t speak German. It was very
unique to be that age and isolated. We couldn’t watch television, because it was German TV. It was so intense, but in a good way. We used to like to go down to the river and try to skip stones. Peter [Charlie Bucket] was the monster at this. We traveled a lot on weekends. Regarding the rock band named Veruca Salt: I didn’t know about it because they weren’t then in England. People asked me about the band, and I would say, “What band?” It’s sad that they never asked me to sing with them. Post-Wonka: I was back in the U.K., and back in those days, the film would come out for however long it was, three or four weeks, and then I carried on acting and had an adult career. So [Willy Wonka] was just forgotten. It probably wasn’t until the Nineties when I realized that people were still talking about it. Her Wonka legacy: it’s something we’re just used to, and it’s lovely. We’ve grown up with it. It’s wonderful when somebody remembers one thing, and you go, “Oh, I’ve forgotten that!” I can’t believe we’re talking about it forty years later. When you’re 12 or 13, you’re not really thinking about 40 years later.
Denise Nickerson Violet Beauregarde Her life now: There is never a dull moment in my life, but it’s a very normal life. I am a financial analyst for United Launch Alliance. I pay the bills. I’m not a CPA. I’m just an accountant. I live and work in Denver. I moved there about 10 years ago. I have a 22-year old son who is engaged to a lovely girl. I have a cat. And I’m very quiet. On her Wonka experience: I suffered. Nine hours in that The Modern | December 2011
[blueberry] suit. The Oompas didn’t have their [drivers’] licenses. They rolled me and banged me against the doorframe. If you look at it, you can see that there is no acting involved. I am furious! I’ve been in there long enough. But I suffered for that experience. Our movie had a very simple message: good things happen to good kids, and bad things happen to bad kids. Ours was really simple. That’s why it’s timeless. Post-Wonka life: Between picking my nose and turning blue, I wasn’t prom queen. From my early 20s until my mid-30s, nobody even knew I was in a school play. And I wanted it that way. I have a wonderful son. Raised him myself. It’s a tough, tough road out there for single mothers. My family had all passed — not that they were particularly supportive when I was growing up. As [a child actor], I was basically on the road myself with chaperones. Her Wonka legacy: The first thing people do [when they see me] is break out into a smile because that’s what we were lucky enough to create. How lucky was I to have gotten chosen? What a gift. I did so many things before that and so many things after that, www.themodern.us
but the most fun and what brought people the most joy was this.
Paris Themmen Mike TeeVee On his own Wonka legacy: I find that the people who recognize me fall into a few different categories. One is Wonka fanatics who had seen it yesterday or a lot. Another one is people with photographic memories. The third, and I think the most interesting, is visual artists — people who sketch or paint. They can see that my face is still my face. On living now: I’ve traveled to 59 countries. I am a travel freak. I’ve gone up to Mount Everest base camp, I’ve gone into Fiji and the Sahara Desert and the Ama-
zon jungle and all of the crazy out-of-the-way places that one might go. So I’d like to think that I can survive in any environment. On his unusual name: I had a great name until a noted hotel heiress besmirched it. I love my name, and Themmen is such an unusual last name that I’m really confident that I’m the only Paris Themmen www.themodern.us
on Earth. Very easy to Google. Editor’s note: Michael Bollner, who played Augustus Gloop, was unavailable at interview time due
to his unfortunate accident in the chocolate river. Oh, but The Modern won’t rest until we track him down — like Slugworth — and hear his story.
The non-pollutionary, anti-institutionary, pro-confectionery Wonka Quiz! We’ll bet you don’t know oompa-loompa about Wonka. Take this quiz and find out if you are a good egg or a bad egg. By Eric Golosman
1.
Worldwide, Wonka Bars are in great demand in the hope of getting the one that contains a Golden Ticket. In one scene, a lady’s husband is kidnapped and the ransom is her huge supply of Wonka Bars. What is the name of the lady’s husband?
2.
An auction is held in order to sell off a case of Wonka Bars. Many people bid on the case. Who ultimately wins the bid?
3. 4. 5.
What is the name of the beverage sampled by Charlie and Grandpa Joe that causes them to float in the air?
6.
T he kids and their parents go on a special ride at the factory that spits out whipped cream and makes them a mess. The machine then goes through a cycle to clean them off. Willy Wonka refers to it by saying the name backwards. What is the name of the machine in saying it forwards?
7. 8. 9.
Name all of the foods that Violet Beauraguard tastes in the chewing gum she grabs from Willy.
What is the dinner that Charlie and his family always have and that he is sick of? The family gives Charlie presents on his birthday. Name all of the presents and which members of the family give them to Charlie.
What classical composer’s music does Willy play to open the door to the chocolate factory? Charlie offers to give Grandpa Joe his newspaper route money to buy what?
ANSWERS: 1: Harold 2: The Queen of England 3: Fizzy Lifting Drinks 4: Cabbage Water 5: A red scarf knitted by his mother, and Grandma Josephine and Georgina; a Wonka bar from Grandpa Joe and George. 6: Car Wash 7: Hot Tomato Soup, Steak, Baked Potato, Blueberry Pie 8: Rachmoninov 9: Tobacco for his pipe
December 2011 | The Modern
reconnecting: rich little
Rich Little The voices of a generation speaks up
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Is doing impressions a gift, or is it something you have to work at and develop? Yeah, I’d say both. I think you’ve got to be born with a good ear. Luckily, I was born with two. You don’t have to have the ability to imitate; you just have to keep practicing at it. Which impersonators influenced you? I was influenced a lot by a number of people. Frank Gorshin was a little ahead of me. And George Kirby, Edie Adams, Debbie Reynolds. There were a lot of people that I’ve admired as impersonators. Is doing an impression a transformative experience? Oh, yeah. Definitely. Sometimes I get really involved doing an impression. If I’m doing Johnny Carson, I have the compulsion to finish the show, go into the dressing room and write out an alimony check. What (or who) are some of your favorite impressions? If you go back to the Seventies, which was my heyday, I would have to say Nixon and Carson. The Modern | December 2011
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Later, Reagan and John Wayne. Truman Capote I did a lot. Hubert Humphrey, people like that. George Burns, Jack Benny. But you know, they’re all pretty much all gone now. You still do many of your older impressions. Do younger audiences get it? They know George Burns more than Jack Benny, because George Burns lasted until he was 100, and [he starred in] the Oh, God movies. But if you’re thirty years old, you wouldn’t know who George Burns was. Most of my audience is older, so they remember all of these people. George was an icon. He performed almost up until the day he died. He’s remembered big time. When I would entertain the troops, they were laughing at the joke, and not so much at the person I was doing. Twenty-year-olds don’t know who the heck all these people are. So it’s more than just the impression. Oh, yeah. It’s what you’re saying and your presentation and the humor you have in your show. You can’t be an impersonator today
and just do voice after voice after voice. You’ve got to be funny. You’ll get a reaction if they think you are doing it well, but you’ll get three times the reaction if you say something funny. Do people come up to you all the time and ask you to do impressions? And if so, does that get annoying? Yeah, sometimes it can, if I’m in a restaurant or something. I had a waitress the other day who said, “Don’t leave me a tip. Just leave me a little John Wayne.” Which is your most requested impression? If you’ve been around a while and you know what I do, asking me to do Carson and Reagan and www.themodern.us
Impressions
Nixon goes way back. But people are still doing Nixon for me all the time. I have people coming up to me on the street doing Nixon. What did Nixon himself think of your impression of him? Nixon didn’t find it too funny because he didn’t know what I was doing. He wore the same black suit for forty years and never took the hanger out of it. That’s what the problem was. I did him once, in San Clemente, in front of a whole bunch of people. He turned to his wife, Pat, and said, “Why is this young man speaking in this strange voice?” It wasn’t one of my finer moments. Who is one of the hardest voices for you to do? Sinatra is one of the hardest. It www.themodern.us
depends on my attitude and the PA system and whether I’m ready to do it or not. My manager said to me, “Perhaps before you do Frank, you should hit somebody. I never saw that side of Frank, but, of course, it did exist. That’s a tough voice to do. I’ve never really heard [any imitator do him] bang on. I’ve heard it a little close at times, but never bang on. Dean is easy to do. Sammy is easy to do. I would imagine that your greatest fear is a sore throat or laryngitis? You’re not kidding. That can scare the hell out of me. As a matter of fact, I did a show in Whittier, California, doing the rehearsal and doing the show, and at about 11 o’ clock, my voice was starting to recede up on me and I was starting to
panic. But once you get some sleep, it’s usually okay. How do you like living in Las Vegas? I like Las Vegas. I like to be near my money. It’s a great town. Too hot in the summer. Too cold in the winter. I knew a girl like that once. But I like the desert. What are you up to currently? I’m doing a one-man show on Jimmy Stewart. I’m touring the country with it. I’m taking it to Broadway next year. People certainly remember him, mostly from It’s A Wonderful Life. Yeah, he’s another icon too. For more on Rich Little, click here: http://richlittle.com December 2011 | The Modern
reconnecting: dancin’ on air
Afternoon Dan The
Mike Nise, producer of the 80s TV hit Dance Party USA, is preparing for dancing in the digital age. B
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Here’s an idea that has come and gone – and come back again. From Philadelphia, the city that gave us American Bandstand, comes the
The Modern | December 2011
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return of Dance Party USA (known locally as Dancin’ On Air). The after-school teen dance show had an amazingly successful run when it debuted on Philly’s Channel 17 (UHF!) in 1981. By 1987, the show was almost ready for prime-time, with an equally successful afternoon run on the USA cable channel. Of course, times have changed since then (headbands and big hair be gone). However, producer Mike Nise is inspired to bring the show back, this time as a web-based series cyber-broadcast to the entire world. “We want to adjust to what kids’ viewing habits are now,” Nise says. “Kids are spending less time on television and more time on the internet. So what we’re going to do is design activities where they don’t just watch it, but they can interact with it as well.” Nise has tested the waters with a few reunion/retrospective shows that garnered huge ratings locally. And if lightning can strike twice, the newfangled dance show can introduce stars of the future, the way it debuted Madonna’s first TV ap-
pearance back in the day. Nise recalls, “Madonna, and her girlfriend, Erica Bell, wrote on the bathroom wall, and she trashed our bathroom. And I said, ‘Let me handle it.’ So when Madonna’s taping was over, I said to her, ‘We reach about a half a million kids on the show, and if you would like to see your show shown to those half a million, you have to turn around, open up the cleaning closet, and clean up the bathroom. And she did.” Perhaps not as much to handle was a teenaged Kelly Ripa, who also made her TV debut, trekking in from her suburban home in South Jersey. “Kelly Ripa was an All-American girl,” Nise says. “She was very special. She was not the same personality she is today. She dated a couple of different guys on the show; one of them was named Christopher Kelly. So we thought if they ever got married, her name would be Kelly www.themodern.us
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K e l l y. Of all the people on the show, she has certainly carved a niche in the entertainment field.” A parade of musical stars, brimming with promise at the dawn of the age of MTV, had stopped by to lip-synch their hits. These included some of the biggest legends in the industry. “The funniest story was related to Stevie Wonder,” Nise says. “We promoted [his appearance] for three months prior to his coming on the show. And on the day of his www.themodern.us
live appearance on the show, I get a call from his PR agent who said that Stevie is not going to be able to make it, that he’s not feeling well. I said, ‘I gotta get him on the show.’ “I had heard that Stevie had spent some time in Philadelphia with a foster mom named Mrs. Williams. So then I saw his brothers, and they controlled where Stevie went. So I walked up to them and I said, ‘I am Mike Nise from Dancin’ on Air,’ and they gave me no response. Then I said, ‘A lot of people will be disappointed that Stevie won’t be on the show today.’ Still no response. Now, I’m very honest generally, but I needed to
get him there, so I said, ‘By the way, Mrs. Williams sends her regards. So [the brother] turns around and looks at me and asks, ‘Do you know Mrs. Williams?’ “Well, lie #2 is that I crossed my two fingers and I said ‘We’re tight like this. We went to dinner last week.’ Three lies right there. And he said, ‘That’s funny. She died ten years ago.’ But I got him on the show despite that.” Many of the kids who have danced on the series remain in touch with Nise, and consider the experience of becoming instant television stars one of the most memorable of their lives. “They refer to me actually as their TV dad,” he says of his alumni. “One of the girls takes me out to dinner for Father’s Day every year. I don’t think she has a relationship with her own father.” Will the old magic work again in an age of too-much-information, cynical kids and overloaded choices? Just like the first go-round, only time will tell. “Kids, and teenagers especially, go through that selfdoubting period,” Nise says, “and being on a show like this gives them instant popularity and makes them feel good about themselves. It’s better for them to feel good about themselves than to doubt themselves.”
For more information about the coming project, go to http://www.omni2000.com December 2011 | The Modern
reconnecting: jim keller
Off the
Hook:
Jim Keller
calls 867-5309/Jenny He got it! Jim Keller, co-writer of the 80s’ Tommy TuTone smash, now calls Phillip Glass “The Boss.” Woe to the poor sons of bitches who, in 1982, had the phone number 867-5309 (no area code need be dialed then). This infamous collection of digits was mentioned (often) in the hit song “867-5309/ The Modern | December 2011
Jenny” by the New Wave band, Tommy TuTone. Jim Keller, who was a band member and co-writer, recalls the unceasing publicity like the ringing of an unanswered phone.
Newspapers across the country featured stories of those beleaguered phone owners, who would get countless calls by pranksters asking, “Is Jenny there?” “Every area code had that numwww.themodern.us
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ber,” he says from his office in Manhattan. “The record company loved it because every time that [newspaper story] hit, it was more press [for us].” The band disconnected soon after that, and Keller found himself without work, education or even a future. “I had nothing going on and I wasn’t making any money,” he says. “I was basically a starving musician at the time with no discernable future. And I was never anything other than a starving musician.” www.themodern.us
Through what he calls a “bizarre set of circumstances,” he hooked up with renowned classical music composer Phillip Glass, and wound up working for Glass’ music management office for almost two decades. Why would Glass hire a guy with no resume except for cowriting a hit song about a local girl with a local phone number? “Because I have been living on my wits for my entire life,” Keller says. “I’m sure that Phillip somehow related to that. I said, ‘Look, don’t pay me. Whatever. If it works, it works, and if it doesn’t work, get rid of me.’ I think that appealed to his entrepreneurial nature and he hired me. Go figure, because I had no classical background whatsoever. I could tell you who played banjo on a Buffalo Springfield track, but I couldn’t tell you any-
thing about opera at that point.” Still, Keller straightened his skinny tie, rolled up his sleeves and got to work. “I came in weekends and worked nights,” he says, “just to educate myself. I literally went through every single file in [Glass’] filing cabinet. I read up. I didn’t go to college. I didn’t have any training. I didn’t know any office etiquette. I knew how to play the guitar and sing songs. And, unfortunately, that wasn’t getting me by at that moment. It was hard. It was a lot of work. And it worked out for both of us. I’ve been with him for almost twenty years.” With his advanced degree from The School of Hard Knocks, Keller done good. And these days are better than ever. “At this point,” he says, “I’m helping [Glass] oversee his management publishing company. It allowed me to start a family and get health insurance.” It also allowed him to continue to be a not-so-starving musician. With the bills paid and the mouths fed, he performed in clubs and jammed with small bands. The gigs were mostly for his own enjoyment, but eventually came his beloved album Sunshine In My Pocket, and now his latest work, Soul Candy. Candy has been getting good reviews, and not just by music reviewers. Here’s what Tom Waits had to say: “Listening to Jim Keller’s music makes me feel like I have big plans, no worries and all of my hair.” Keller’s renewed success is even sweeter now than when he first hit big. “It’s a risk,” he says. “When you put yourself on the line, it’s risky. The last time I was playing music, December 2011 | The Modern
jim keller it was not a great place to be. I had to force myself to do it because I knew I had to. I stopped playing totally when I started working. I got married; I had a kid [a daughter, now fourteen]. I really focused on trying to get that together. I was in my forties. I started again about five years ago.” It was a far cry from his days as a member of one of the most popular groups in any area code; however, like a bazillion bands before Tommy Tutone, they came and went in an MTV flash. “God bless youth,” Keller says. “They don’t give a fuck what happens next. Every step of the way [for Tommy Tutone], it was exactly where we wanted to be and where we wanted to go. The first record had a small hit on it. We toured with Tom Petty for half a year. What could be cooler than that? Unfortunately, if we had a little more foresight, we may
God bless youth. They don’t give a f*ck what happens next.
have been able to map something out. We weren’t built that way. We sort of self-destructed before we even began. But when it’s happening, you’re not really thinking about what’s next. [After the fame is over,] you are a lost puppy like everybody else. But it took me years to find a grounded spot.” What matters most to him now, after family and his art, is sincerity. “I want to write a song that I can sing, and that when I sing it, I mean it,” he says. “Nothing matters if you can’t mean it. The idea is to try to dig in and find subject matter that resonates with something that is real.” For Keller, there is plenty of life and living to do, and with the success of his latest CD, more resonating to come. For more on Jim Keller, go to jimkellermusic.com
Jump, Jive and Wail at the Swing 46 Jazz and Supper Club in NYC If you’ve never been swing dancing in the city then you definitely need to check out Swing 46’ ASAP!; It’s located at 46th street between 8th and 9th Avenue. Upon entering the boozy, dimly lit restaurant, you’ll notice the massive bar that takes up most of the front entrance. Art deco chanderliers hover above with an inviting glow, calling you to partake in a little libation. Ask for Jake the bartender, who is dressed to impress, and he will whip you up a pre- or post-Prohibition-style cocktail that will certainly get you loosened up for the dance floor. Tell Jake to keep your tab open and then saunter to the back, martini in hand, to the stage where a six-piece band warms up to bust out jazzy tunes. As the soul music floats out over the blue-hue-lit bodies, you are suddenly transported back in time to the great jazz era. It’s so infectious that you will want to get up and try a few swing moves yourself, no matter what type of person you are. Show up at 8:30, opening hour, and get in on a free swing dance lesson before the band starts playing. You may work up an appetite after swinging the night away, so grab a table to dine on steak and pasta, or head over to one of the plush buttonleather couches and rest your feet. Grab another drink before you head out; they are fresh, amazing and not too pricey. Swing 46 is such a great treat! Do something different than your ordinary night out, grab some friends and hit Swing 46 for a funfilled night of great drinks, food and, of course, dancing.
By Jacob Schirmer
If you don’t have a dinner reservation, there is a $12 cover charge to enjoy the live music and dancing. Check out Swing 46 here: http://www.swing46.com The Modern | December 2011
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american gothic
The United States of American Gothic It’s arguably the most famous painting in American history. Historian Steven Biel explains the mystery of and obsession with Grant Wood’s classic. By Ronald Sklar
© 1930 Grant Wood
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Grant Wood must be flattered out the wazoo. Although the artist of “American Gothic” died in 1942, his painting has gone on to symbolize all things American, and parodied by Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and both the left and right-wing press. And let’s not even get started with a Google Images search. This odd depiction of our culture has inspired, flabbergasted, outraged and obsessed generations of Americans. However, everybody instantly recognizes it and somehow “gets” it. Arguably the most famous painting in our country’s history (“Whistler’s Mother” is a distant second), the work was almost rejected and forgotten when it was first presented in 1930. It has since developed a legendary story about the ultimate in recycling. This fascinating chapter in American history has been captured by Harvard historian Steven Biel in his book, American Gothic: A Life of America’s Most Famous Painting (W.W. Norton and Company). Here, he takes a few moments to reveal the painting’s importance. What inspired you to write this book? I’m interested in objects and events that have become overly familiar. I wrote a book about the Titanic www.themodern.us
disaster a few years ago (Down with the Old Canoe). This was before the [1997] movie came out, before it saturated popular culture more than ever. I’m interested in things that have been flattened out to clichés and I try to recover the history behind them and find out why they’re famous. In this case, [the painting’s fame] is all out of proportion to its humble origins and to its artistic merit compared to other “masterpieces.” What is the story behind the painting? Grant Wood was an unknown artist from Cedar Rapids, Iowa in 1930. He went down to a small town in south-central Iowa called Eldon. He traveled there because a friend of his was running a community fine-arts project. He was riding around in a car with another artist named John Sharp. While riding, they encountered this house on the outskirts of Eldon – an extremely modest clapboard house, but it had this gothic window, which stood out. It was not completely unexceptional in the Midwest, but it was strange enough to get Wood to get out of the car. He decided to put some figures in the foreground that could possibly belong to this strange house. He had his sister and his dentist pose for it. He distorted them – he elongated them with grim expressions. Then he entered it into a contest at the Art Institute of Chicago, where it received third prize. A notable critic reprinted it in newspapers, and from there, it took off. Originally, it took off because it was ridiculing the December 2011 | The Modern
american gothic Midwest and the kinds of people who supposedly lived there — uptight, repressed, puritanical and generally nasty — the sort of yokels that writers like H.L. Mencken would poke fun at throughout the 1920s. It also stirred up a controversy in Iowa because the farmers really thought it was an insult to them. Its initial fame was born out of controversy, out of the perception that its meaning was satirical.
icon, the most famous painting in American history? There is no quantifying that, really, but I would say so. It happened because over the course of the thirties in the context of the depression and throughout World War II, it changed from being that satirical image to a national symbol of stability, order, prosperity, virtue and wholesomeness. Instead of holding its subjects up to ridicule, it now came to be seen as holding them up for admiration as quintessential Americans. In hard times, the “let’s make fun of yokels” idea seemed kind of cruel. The conservative virtues of the Midwest were re-embraced by some East Coast critics, and even the left in the 1930s paid homage to the fortitude of the “folk.” It was a way of fighting off despair.
Describe the painting strictly from an artistic and aesthetic viewpoint. It’s a realistic portrait of a man and a woman posed in front of a house. The woman is wearing a rickrack apron. The man is wearing overalls, a dark coat and a collarless shirt. He’s holding a hayfork, which directly mirrors the gothic window. The pattern of the hayfork is repeated in the Some people say that the subjects pattern of the man’s overalls if are husband and wife; others say you look closely. There is a clear they are father and daughter. Its initial fame blue sky in the background, Which is it? highly stylized, rounded trees, Wood was non-committal on was born out of a red barn off on the right side, this. His sister, Nan, probably bea snake plant on the porch on cause she was thirty-something controversy, out of the left that mirrors a lock of when she posed [and Dr. McKeeby hair running down the woman’s was in his sixties], was really ofneck. The man is directly lookthe perception that fended by the idea that they might ing at the viewer. The woman is be husband and wife. It was she looking off to the side. who really took the lead in insistits meaning was Some have said that what ing that they were meant to be lends itself to parody formally is father and daughter. Wood, as far satirical. that you have these two figures as we know, left no record of his facing us and it’s easy to plug intentions. We don’t have anything other faces into them and to substitute something that tells us what he was thinking when he painted else in place of the pitchfork. this. Everything that he says about this comes after the In the beginning, the painting was despised by cerfact, and it comes from responding to those people tain people and celebrated by others. As time went who hated it. He said that he didn’t mean to make fun on, the painting took on new meanings. of anybody and that he was a loyal son of the Midwest. It was despised and embraced, as far as I can tell, Strangely enough, he said sometimes that they were for the same reasons. It was perceived as being a work father and daughter and as time went on he seemed of satire. The critics who really made Wood’s reputacompletely comfortable in saying that they were a coution understood it that way. They understood him as ple. He went back and forth and didn’t seem to have a a victim of these people and their repressiveness and particular stake in it one way or the other. hostility. The fact that it is ambiguous has opened the door to Initially, the people who despised it were Iowa these gothic interpretations of the painting: what is the farmwives who wrote letters to newspapers protesting relationship between these two people? What is going being depicted as primitive idiots. on behind that curtain? What kind of creepy things How exactly did this painting become an American might be happening in that house? The Modern | December 2011
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From the sixties onward, this painting becomes a real source of parody — everything from Green Acres to the yuppies to The Simple Life. I started thinking about where I first became aware of this image. It certainly wasn’t at the Art Institute of Chicago and I certainly didn’t see it in a non-parodied form first. The first time I became aware of it was in a Country Corn Flakes commercial and in the opening credits of Green Acres. It had already become such a well-known image that it was an easy move to make. If you want to send up American heartland values or if you want to encapsulate those values in a single image, you use “American Gothic.” It’s a really effective shorthand way of capturing those myths of the true America. The Beverly Hillbillies on the cover of The Saturday Evening Post [in 1963] is suggesting something about the wholesomeness of these yokels who find themselves in the corruption of LA. In an issue of TV Guide in the late sixties, Irene Ryan [who played Granny] really defends the non-ironic interpretation of “American Gothic.” Ryan said that the timeless valwww.themodern.us
ues of “American Gothic” are the antidote to what was going on in the late sixties. She really identified with that image. After that, the floodgates just opened. The first presidential couple to be parodied was the Johnsons. Every presidential couple since then have been plugged into the “American Gothic” pose. Then you start to get these lifestyle parodies, where those old-fashioned people in the painting aren’t having any fun, but we are, with a tennis racquet or an electronics product instead of a pitchfork. They are playing on the immediate recognition of the image and at the same time saying that consuming this or that product is wholeheartedly American. The joke couldn’t be more blatant than with Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in The Simple Life. These people are being plopped into middle America and there is a clash of values. That’s the whole premise of the show. Is the actual painting itself still relevant today? It’s hard for a parody of this painting to really work anymore, to carry any kind of potent message. To give it some power, to make it stand out from all the other parodies, takes extraordinary creativity. Of course, it’s impossible for it to stir up the passions that it stirred up in 1930. But it’s well worth understanding its rich history and coming to see how and why, at one time, it had the power to offend people.
© 2005 Courtesy of WW Norton & Co. All rights reserved; © 1963 Saturday Evening Post; © 2003 Fox Home Video.
Wood’s sexuality was rather ambiguous. Do you think that influenced the painting in any way? If I don’t have solid evidence on this, then I’m not really willing to go there. Circumstantially, yes, he lived with his mother until he was into middle age. He married very late. It was a terrible marriage by every account. It rather quickly ended in divorce. Speculations about his sexuality aren’t entirely unreasonable, but suggesting that it would have certain aesthetic consequences simplifies the relationship between sexuality and artistic production. [For example,] the critic Robert Hughes suggested that this is some kind of gentle satire because Wood was a closeted homosexual. To me, it doesn’t illuminate that much.
See the hilarious, catchy Country Cornflakes commercial mentioned in this article:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKSmj2g8shs December 2011 | The Modern
retro essay
The New
American Goth
The Modern | December 2011
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hic
It’s not the same America that Grant Wood observed when he painted American Gothic in 1930. With a little help from our friends, we re-imagine the classic work of art with a modern sensibility.
Photographs by Josh Sailor | www.joshsailor.com
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December 2011 | The Modern
retro watch: family game night
Throw yourself into The Hub Channel’s Family Game Night Host Todd Newton shows us the winning formula. By Ronald Sklar It’s a retro riot! Not since Family Feud has Hatfield vs. McCoy head-butting knocked such good, clean fun into our noggins. The Hub Channel’s hit game show, Family Game Night, has clans competing against each other for McMansion-size prizes. These are the games you loved as a kid (and as an adult too, let’s face it): Monopoly, Yahtzee, Twister, and Bop-It, among others. Booty includes a Monop-
oly card worth $10,000, or maybe a trip to Mexico. The twist (oh, yeah, there’s a twist): the games are life-size. You and the kinfolk actually become playing pieces. It’s a Matrix-made blast, a Tron-like trip with the fam into the best of the board games gathering dust on your hall closet shelf. Emmy-nominated host Todd Newton has awarded contestants over $28 million dollars on shows like The Price Is Right Live, Hollywood Showdown and Whammy. However, Family Game Night, which debuted in October 2010, holds a special fascination for him. The Modern | December 2011
“I’m 41 years old and these are the games that I played when I was a kid,” he says. “I have two kids, 10 and 6, and we play these games now. It’s a pretty cool gig for a guy to go to work and play the same games at work that he does with his kids.” Of course, the work version differs slightly from the home version. And the roll of the dice brings more anticipation. “There certainly is a lot of adrenaline,” he says of his day job, “because we have an audience of screaming kids and they’re having a great time. The music is loud and people are winning, so yeah, there is the biggest rush that goes with it. But for me, the special part of being a part of Family Game Night is the fact that families are creating these memories, these moments that they’ll never, ever forget, regardless of who wins the most money.” Family Game Night is part of The Hub Channel’s winning strategy of creating programming for the entire family (even jaded teens). Not one sibling on the couch will find themselves itching for the remote control. Newton says, “[The Hub Channel] puts a lot of thought and a lot of effort into creating a network that families can watch not only together, but comfortably. And when I say comfortably, I say that as a father. It’s nice to have a network that you can turn on and let them get that little wind-down time. You’re safe. They kids are going to benefit from it. They’re going to pick up valuable lessons from it. To play games, to laugh, to strategize together. It’s perfect timing for everyone.” Newton began his career as a radio DJ and has since become an in-demand corporate speaker, certified life coach and hypnotist. However, his gig as the host of Family Game Night brings him an extrasensory sort of satisfaction. He says, “Family Game Night is just a little differwww.themodern.us
The New Oldies ent, because not only does one family win a trip and a bunch of cash at the end of the show, but both families get to keep everything that they win. And I love that. As a father, I love the fact that it’s families working together, enjoying this moment together. For many people who work in television, I think some of us sometime take it for granted that this is what we are lucky enough to do for a living. But for most people on the planet, to appear on a television show is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So to be able to do something like that as a family — it does create a very special kind of energy.”
“
The Hub Channel puts a lot of thought and
a lot of effort into creating a network that families can watch not only together, but comfortably. And when I say comfortably, I say
”
that as a father.
Todd Newton
Newton’s own energy has kept him working nonstop for over two decades, and he has no plans on not passing “Go.” “The word ‘longevity,’ it doesn’t register with me,” he says, “because I feel like I just started. I started in radio back in St. Louis in the late 80s, and I can remember the first record I played on the air and I remember the first thing I said. So much has happened between then and now. To think that it’s been this long, it’s just astonishing to me. I think it’s because I never stop. I never stop thinking about new things. I have a lot of brand new beginnings and I think that keeps everything fresh.” For more information on Family Game Night, click here: http://www.hubworld.com For more about Todd Newton, click here: http://www.toddnewtononline.com www.themodern.us
Our dude in the booth, Sean Glass, relays requests of a retro nature. Hey, DJ! Would you play: “Groove is in the Heart” | Deee-Lite Recently, I DJ’d with Lady Miss Kier, the singer of Dee-Lite. She’s definitely one of the most (literally and figuratively) colorful people I’ve ever met. Really fun. Great track that I can mix in there. The music snobs have fun with it and the mainstream crowds obviously love that bass line.
“Call On Me”| Eric Prydz I’ll get this request here and there. Play it at the right party, you’re a hero. But be careful, because if you play this at the wrong time, you’ll literally have the turntables taken over by the club manager. What a career Eric Prydz has had. He went from this poppy stuff to being a huge progressive house producer with the current number one track on Beatport (“2night”).
“Just Can’t Get Enough”| Depeche Mode Play it anywhere. Everyone knows/loves it. This is like a Get Out of Jail Free card. Keep this in your back pocket for when you screw up and lose the crowd. It’s in my “AUTOMATIC” crate (with “Call Me Al,” “Walking on Broken Glass,” etc).
“What’s Up”| Four Non Blondes There’s a remix of this by a 90s DJ called DJ Miko. It basically makes this into a super-sped-up techno track with the huge vocal. It’s one to strictly drop late-night, as it traverses the thin line between banger and kitsch, but does it well. Lots of fun.
“Better Off Alone”| Alice Deejay My personal favorite so far. This is a guilty-pleasure track for me, but the only one that I can truly say I love without any irony. This, like Prydz, is one you have to be careful with, as playing it at the wrong party will get you into trouble, but for a fun room that isn’t too stuffy, this is one of my favorite party tracks EVER. Remixes by Laidback Luke and Zombie Disco Club are great to use also.
“Ca Plane Pour Moi”| Plastic Bertrand Nobody knows the original version by the seminal punk band The Damned, but everyone knows this one. You can play it with today’s hits like Phoenix’s “1901” and it works very well. There was a time last year when this needed to be played every night. It would get requested non-stop. Its “it” track of the moment status has waned, but it’s still a popular classic.
Find out more about Sean here: www.sgdj.dj December 2011 | The Modern
girls were girls & men were men
The Legends of Raquel Welch As a sex symbol during the sexual revolution, Ms. Welch proved that she was more than just a pretty face. By Jay S. Jacobs Long of leg and full of… well, you know… Raquel Welch was the sex bomb of the Sixties and early Seventies. A Russ Meyer dream come to life (though, ironically, she never actually worked with Russ Meyer), Welch became one of the pin-up faves of the Vietnam era. She was born Jo Raquel Tejada (Welch was her first husband’s name) to a religious Presbyterian family in Chicago (she still goes to church regularly). She was an aspiring ballerina, a local beauty queen and a San Diego weather girl when Hollywood came acourting. Though she never quite had the acting chops of a Streep or a Redgrave, she was actually a more skilled actress than she was often given credit for. In a career where she was often stuck in exploitation fare like Bandolero!, One Million Years B.C., The Oldest Profession, Fuzz and A Swingin’ Summer, Welch has surprisingly created some rather indelible characters. Besides, any actress whose career could survive Myra Breckinridge had to have something going for her. To this day, Welch has a refreshingly “in on it” attitude about her diva reputation. Anyone who doubts that should just check out her wonderfully self-mocking guest appearance on Seinfeld. Plus, she has the one attribute that not even a sex symbol can guarantee – amazing genes. Even at 71 years old, if she stepped in to a bar you happened to be in, you’d still check her out. Admit it. You know you would. In a career that spanned dozens of films and decades, it’s tough to cut it down to just five or six. With that in mind, here are seven of Raquel Welch’s finest roles. Cora – Fantastic Voyage There is probably something very Freudian about the idea of injecting Raquel Welch into your body. Yet, literally, that is what this Sixties special effects film did – making Welch part of a team that is shrunken down and shot into the bloodstream of a scientist who is dying of a blood clot. There, they must navigate the veins, fight off anti-bodies and internal body parts. Welch easily holds her own in a cast that included such Sixties mainstays as SteThe Modern | December 2011
phen Boyd, Arthur Kennedy and Donald Pleasance. While not a perfect film (sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov was approached to write the novelization and nearly refused due to multiple plot holes), Fantastic Voyage has become a bit of an early science-fiction classic. The idea has captured the imagination, though: in the Sixties, Disneyland had a similar ride called “Adventures in Innerspace,” and in the 80s, the idea was rebooted with the Dennis Quaid/Martin Short hit comedy Innerspace. http://www.youtube.com/embed/YSskKkSg0gE Loana – One Million Years B.C. It is easy to picture the pitch conference that led to this 1966 adventure pic. Some exec says, “I’ve got an idea for a picture. Take Raquel Welch and put her in a fur bikini. Add in some dinosaurs and cave men and stuff… but did I mention Raquel Welch in a fur bikini?” ‘Nuff said. Became a huge hit. And from what I hear, there were some dinosaurs and cave men and stuff in the movie, too, though honestly, it’s not the part of the movie I remember. http://www.youtube.com/embed/6JzE3u5STEk www.themodern.us
Lilian Lust – Bedazzled Talk about typecasting! British comedians Dudley Moore and Peter Cook were the masterminds behind this extremely funny update of the Faust legend. Tasked with the responsibility of putting human faces on the seven deadly sins, who you gonna call when you think of lust? Welch doesn’t have a huge role here, but it is sure a memorable one. http://www.youtube.com/embed/hsw3SPxTljk K.C. Carr – Kansas City Bomber Remember roller derby? It was briefly huge in the Seventies – a bunch of women roller skating around a circular rink in tight outfits, beating each other up for the stoked-up crowd. A great amount of the sport’s brief window of popularity can be traced directly back to this movie. Welch brought as much as she could to the obviously exploitative storyline, actually investing her character with a bit of depth. For example, she excelled in scenes with her daughter, played by a young Jodie Foster. Last year, Drew Barrymore tried to rejuvenate roller derby with her girl-power film Whip It, but Kansas City Bomber is still the definitive roller derby movie – if there is such a thing. http://www.youtube.com/embed/3SfAC_gY9rA Alice – The Last of Sheila It wasn’t one of her bigger roles or one of her better known films, but this twisty little mystery is one of the finest films in which Welch ever appeared. Written by the odd-couple screenwriting team of actor Tony (Psycho) Perkins and musical composer Stephen (West Side Story, Sweeney Todd) Sondheim, The Last of Sheila was an early-Seventies all-star affair, with such Nixon-era stars as James Coburn, Richard Benjamin, James Mason, Dyan Cannon, Joan Hackett and a then-unknown Ian McShane as Welch’s boy-toy. In the typecast role of a film sex kitten on vacation, Welch does a sexy-off with a young, hyperactive Cannon and the audience wins. http://www.youtube.com/embed/qr1SVsVxqnM www.themodern.us
Constance de Bonacieux – The Three Musketeers and The Four Musketeers With yet another poorly made version of Alexander Dumas’ classic adventure story recently in the cineplexes, it is probably worthy of note that Welch was in arguably the best film version of this long-in-tooth tale. The Seventies version of Musketeers was made as a lusty period comedy by A Hard Day’s Night director Richard Lester. As the unhappily-married true love of Michael York’s D’Artagnan, Welch mugs gamely in flowing, busty dresses, parrying with an all-star cast including York, Richard Chamberlain, Oliver Reed, Charlton Heston, Christopher Lee and Faye Dunaway. It all has the feel of a particularly silly game of dress-up, but it is dumbly fun in the way that only Seventies costume epics can be. The smash popularity of the film led to a second helping. Interestingly in hindsight, The Four Musketeers is the only sequel that Welch did in her long career. The fact that this is surprising, I guess, says more about modern Hollywood than it does about Welch. http://www.youtube.com/embed/YAzdWNo9sbk Jennifer a/k/a “Jugs” – Mother, Jugs and Speed
One of those rare movies that allowed Welch to show that she was actually a pretty funny comedienne, Mother, Jugs and Speed teamed Welch with Bill Cosby and Harvey Keitel (wow, to be a fly on the wall at that casting session) as an odd-trio ambulance-driving team. The movie is refreshingly full of mid-Seventies political incorrectness (just look at Welch’s character’s nickname for proof; today, that would be a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen). A slap-happy merge of comedy and wild action, Mother, Jugs and Speed is one of those forgotten treasures that used to pop up so regularly in the Seventies, like Freebie and the Bean, The Reincarnation of Peter Proud, The Black Bird and Harry & Tonto. http://www.youtube.com/embed/QzX-ao1Q3Dc December 2011 | The Modern
the great forgotten
The Modern | December 2011
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Give the decade a break. It wasn’t all novelty songs and mindless disco. See (and listen) to what we mean right here. Back in the days of diner-booth jukeboxes, you didn’t necessarily hear “Stayin’ Alive,” “New Kid In Town,” and “Play That Funky Music” over and over. However, oldies radio wants you to think those selections (and maybe thirty more) were the only songs worth playing from that decade. Well, as they said in the Seventies, do your own thing. And the great thing about the iPod era is that you can call the radio programmers a bunch of jive turkeys. Hey, now you can make your own Seventies musical experience. While putting together your wish list, you are gonna wanna give these forgotten titles a spin.
By Jay S. Jacobs
“Second Avenue” — Tim Moore
Tim Moore was sort of an also-ran in the Seventies singer/songwriter sweepstakes, but with this tune he may have just authored the most touchingly intimate tales of city living of the decade. With a gorgeous sense of place and a touching turn of phrase, this song captures the loneliness of urban existence and love gone wrong in a way few songs before – or since – ever did. Also, keep an eye out for Art Garfunkel’s ethereal cover, which actually did better on the pop charts than Moore’s original recording. Garfunkel’s take on the tune is wonderful as well, but the original is still the definitive version of this stunningly beautiful and heartfelt ballad. Moore’s later mid-tempo single “In the Middle” is even harder to track down, but also well worth the search. www.youtube.com/embed/Crvp8pxCt30
“Hey Deanie” — Shaun Cassidy
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Shaun Cassidy? The teen idol? The guy who played Joe Hardy? Half-brother of Keith Partridge? Let go your preconceptions, oh reader, because this is bubble-gum pop of the highest order. The cover of an obscure album track by Eric Carmen (Cassidy’s earlier – and almost as perfect – single “That’s Rock & Roll” was also a Carmen cover), “Hey Deanie” captures the wild headiness of new love like few songs of the decade can. www.youtube.com/embed/GAuSM-uYWiU www.themodern.us
December 2011 | The Modern
the great forgotten “Steppin’ Out (Gonna Boogie Tonight)” — Tony Orlando & Dawn
Sure, in the new millennium, Tony Orlando is remembered as a kitschy, bloated, Branson-type singer who only your grandma could love. And perhaps that image is even somewhat warranted. But give the dude his due – in his day, the guy could craft one hell of a catchy pop single. “Stepping Out” was an old-school, ragtime-tinged smash hit and undoubtedly one of the most upbeat heartache songs of the era, with a clever “foolin’ yourself ” lyrical kicker. The wonderful thing about the Seventies is that this lovingly old-fashioned song probably could not have been a hit in any other musical era post-Elvis. That’s yet another reason to miss the Seventies. http://youtu.be/9STRCbKOHEc
“The Bertha Butt Boogie (Part 1)” — The Jimmy Castor Bunch
This is down-and-dirty funk with a rogues’ gallery of crazy characters (most of whom had appeared in Castor’s earlier hit “Troglodyte”). The tune is filled with wacky voices and fat, driving beats. “The Bertha Butt Boogie” is a little too silly to take completely seriously, but it is way too awesomely funktastic to take as a joke. Castor’s song influenced generations of hip-hop artists – from the stankin’ backbeat to the fascination with the backside. www.youtube.com/embed/Ki8u8G2WZbI
“Meet Me On the Corner Down at Joe’s Café” — Peter Noone
The elfin leader of Sixties’ hit makers Herman & the Hermits tried his luck at a solo career with this awkwardly titled but charmingly old-fashioned paean to stolen love. (Noone had a history with awkward titles; his old group topped the charts with “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter” and “I’m Henry VIII [I Am].”) The sweet and cheesy nostalgia of “Joe’s Café” didn’t quite catch on at the time, but this became one of the undiscovered songs of the decade.
“Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)” — Johnny Wakelin & the Kinshasa Band
Boxer Muhammad Ali was the subject of several records in the Seventies, including the fighter’s own “I Am the Greatest” and the soon-to-be-standard “The Greatest Love of All.” Yet, this reggae-lite tribute to the fighter is undoubtedly the greatest Ali song of all. The Modern | December 2011
British one-hit wonder Wakelin was looking for a hook to get the public’s attention. After Ali’s heavyweight bout with future grill master George Foreman, the singer found his angle. Wakelin later recorded another song about Ali called “In Zaire,” but never again found noteriety. The lyrics for “Black Superman” are occasionally a little strained – Wakelin actually stretches to rhyme the word “goes” with “for” and the word “seen” with “again.” However, you have to love a song that uses the couplet “Now all you fight fans, you got to agree: There ain’t no flies on Muhammad Ali.” www.youtube.com/embed/eqMk-AuTDZE
“Ariel” — Dean Friedman
The music of the Seventies is renowned for its complex storytelling. It is rare for a song to be as funny and poignant as this sweet little slice-of-life about a gigging musician picking up a pretty Jewish social protester in suburban New Jersey. Full of complex characterization and a novelist’s eye for the little details of life, Friedman shows the opening stages of a relationship with wit, compassion and just a bit of subtle sexiness. It also has one of my favorite lines in any song, ever: “I said ‘Hi.’ She said, ‘Yeah, I guess I am.’” www.youtube.com/embed/xGFW9jCFml4
“Native New Yorker” — Odyssey
There were many classic songs that exploded out of the disco movement, many of which were never heard of again. So, you may be asking why this mostly forgotten nugget is our choice of great forgotten disco jam. I’ll be the first to admit that it can be completely subjective, but this song always seemed to me to capture the glamour and desperation of the New York club scene better than any other dance joint of the era. www.youtube.com/embed/zATMOQQ-e20
“Shake It” — Ian Matthews
He’s Irish-born (his given name is Iain) and he’s a traditional artist (he had been a member of the legendary folk collective Fairport Convention and had a hit early in the decade with a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “Woodstock”). So you wouldn’t expect him to help jump start American new wave. However, with this deliriously catchy ode to jailbait sexuality, Matthews paved the way for similar skinny-tie pop-rocking hits about just slightly too-young girls. Think The Knack (“My Sharona”), Nick Gilder (“Hot Child in the City”), Nick Lowe (“Cruel to Be Kind”) and Sniff ’N’ the Tears (“Driver’s Seat.”) www.youtube.com/embed/KHG__IAvWB0 www.themodern.us
I Get Around
See the li’l ol place in Brooklyn where the “Love Shack” car retired Yes, it’s still as big as a whale and it seats about 20 By Ronald Sklar In the B52s’ music video for “Love Shack,” this 1965 Chrysler 300 was headin’ down the Atlanta highway (not really. The video was actually filmed in upstate New York). The year: 1989. This record was the B52s’ very first Top Ten hit in the United States. (“Rock Lobster,” which was a hit nine years earlier, never climbed the charts as high, although it made an equally indelible impression at frat parties.). Appearing in the video was a yet-unknown Ru-
Paul. You can’t miss her. Him? The group parodied this song on an episode of The Simpsons as “Glove Slap.” The line in the song most misunderstood comes toward the end, as the music stops. Band member Cindy Wilson declares, “Tin roof, busted.” The car now resides not in a funky little shack, but at a garage in Brooklyn, NY owned by collector Lenny Shiller. As you can see, it’s happy, clean and resting comfortably. It’s surrounded by rows of retro friends, and under Lenny’s expert care.
To see the original video, click here. And don’t kid yourself: you know you are going to watch it twice: www.youtube.com/watch?v=leohcvmf8kM To see Homer Simpson make the most of “Glove Slap,” click here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVXaHEfv9to&feature=related To see more of Lenny’s collection (and you will in future issues of The Modern), go to http://clubs.hemmings.com/clubsites/brooklyncarclub/brakelines.html www.themodern.us
December 2011 | The Modern
retro foodie
Jacob Schimer
Ellen’s Stardust Diner The belle of Times Square, Ellen’s offers an amazing retro experience for tourist and townie alike. pressed out a souvenir for myself; definitely old school. The scent of fried burgers and french fries was wafting out the door so I made my way inside. I was quickly I had heard a lot about Ellen’s Stardust Diner, but whisked away and seated at a blue-retro-vinyl-covered the fact that it was located just north of Times Square booth with a funkadelic metal trimmed table. By this turned my stomach a little bit. After living in New York time, my stomach was grumbling from all the scents for three years, I have grown to loathe the big flashing floating out from behind the wraparound lunch counlights of 42nd Street; mainly because it involves many ter. Mary, my waitress, had informed me that they tourists and lots of overpriced cheese-tastic restauwere known for their burgers and shakes. This soundrants. However, Ellen’s is synonymous with 1950’s dined like it might hit the spot, but I er comfort food and is also known scanned the menu just to be sure. for their nostalgic atmosphere and But the best part We have Gene Kelley’s lamb stew, wait staff, so I had to check it out. June Cleaver’s house salad, and I arrived at Ellen’s around 2:00 was the waffle Betty’s blueberry crumb pie a la on a Tuesday afternoon, avoidmode. Although all of these dishes ing the majority of the masses, fries! They were so looked amazing, I decided to go and quickly made my way inside. with Mary’s suggestion, but then I didn’t make it far when I spotted crispy and crunchy I saw the Be-Bop-A-Lulu Burger. an old-school penny press maThis consisted of a half pound chine. For two quarters, you can of corn-fed beef, sautéed mushget a penny pressed with the Statue and salty, with a rooms and onions, and thick-cut of Liberty or Ellen’s Stardust Diner smoke-house bacon. I believe this emblem. I just happened to have hint of sweetness combination of ingredients is the fifty cents on me and a spare penny best way to enjoy an All American so I popped it in the machine and and inside they hunk of beef. I was sold. “Would you like an adult milkshake with were tender and that?” she asked. This brought a smile to my face and I immediately said, “yes.” Mary disappeared delicate. with my food order and I thought to myself that this place was really starting to grow on me. I felt right at home. About a minute later, I heard a familiar voice over the speaker system singing Chuck Berry’s “No Particular Place To Go.” It was Mary, my waitress! She ascended a black staircase in the corner booth and began strutting across the banquette. I was so pleasantly surprised to be a part of this intimate performance that I started clapping. As soon as the song was By Jacob Schimer
The Modern | December 2011
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glass. I reached for it and took a over, Mary hopped down and disbig swig. The ice-cream Kahlua appeared once again and then remixture ran into my mouth like appeared with my food and drink The ice-cream Kahlua a sweet river of satisfaction and in hand. mixture ran into my washed away the remnants of My hamburger was massive. that last savory bite; it was gloriIt took up almost half the dinner mouth like a sweet ous. I hardly ever leave my plate plate, and was accompanied by with food still on it, however; the a steaming stack of waffle fries. I river of satisfaction meal was so flavorful and grand had to cut the burger in half just in size that I couldn’t quite finish. so I could have a bite. As I bit into and washed away I basked in a food coma for the next the wonderful all American creten minutes, listening to the wait ation, the juicy meat began oozing the remnants of staff sing show tunes and Fifties’ hits out of the sides. The beefy burger while passing their tip bucket around was so amazingly juicy, not greasy, that last savory the room. My stomach was full and I but juicy. It was so flavorful with the was definitely satisfied. I didn’t want smokehouse bacon and the sweet and bite; it was to leave — it was such a pleasant and earthy contrast of the sautéed onions entertaining atmosphere. Alas, all good and mushrooms that it could only be glorious. things must come to an end. I settled up a match made in heaven. But the best my tab and made my way to the door with part was the waffle fries! They were so a cool suave stagger; I was affected. Ellen’s crispy and crunchy and salty, with a hint of sweetness and inside they were tenStardust Diner may not be in my favorite neighborhood but it is most definitely der and delicate. I definitely groaned worth the trek. out loud. I do that when I’m really impressed. It was so overJacob Schirmer is a foodie from whelming and harmonious that Kansas with an appetite for life. New I had to express how I felt inside. York City satisfies his every craving. To My adult milkshake was staring me find out more about Ellen’s click here: down with its whipped cream top and frosty http://www.ellensstardustdiner.com
The Brady Dirt
Here’s the spin cycle:
Mr. and Mrs. Brady talk dirty in bed.
Clear and Bright
Turned our water dim and dark.
The Bradys are approached to do a laundry soap commercial, and, while in bed, Mr. and Mrs. Brady contemplate the possibility. Mr. Brady exclaims, “I don’t know how you tell all those brands apart, you women.” Mrs. Brady then proceeds to relate the history of the Bradys’ preferred laundry soaps (let’s face it, Carol. It’s Alice doing the laundry, not you).
Help
Help didn’t help.
Champ (The Dirt Fighter)
Champ couldn’t take the Brady dirt, and lost the title.
Safe*
• The bad news: the Bradys are about to sign a contract to endorse Safe, but since the Bradys never lie, they can’t recommend a product they no longer use. • The good news: They were using old Safe. The Safe they are asked to endorse is new, improved Safe.
Best
Best is best.
* Mrs. Brady suddenly remembers that Safe was actually used between Help and Champ.
December 2011 | The Modern
modern travels: palm springs
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The Modern | December 2011
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Palm Springs. Say the words and people conjure up images of Connie Stevens and Troy Donahue tooling around the California town in a ’63 Corvette Stingray. Or maybe they envision Bob Hope and Dinah Shore after a round of golf, yucking it up over cocktails at the clubhouse. As a recent visit to Palm Springs revealed all too clearly, the glory days of Palm Springs as Hollywood’s swinging sister are long gone. When you’re in Palm Springs for more than a day, you realize that at some point the real money got up and hiked down to Rancho Mirage and—even more so—to tony Palm Desert. So don’t crane your neck looking for “stars.” In fact, if you want to see stars you’ll have to look down on the main drag, Palm Canyon Drive. And I mean down— at the sidewalk. There you’ll find a second Walk of Fame where you’ll encounter the likes of Ruta Lee and Buddy Hackett. But don’t worry— the “A” team (like Sophia Loren and Frank Sinatra) is there, too, along with notable directors, cinematographers and businesspeople. What remains of Palm Springs’ former heyday is a hot tourist destination along with a cool mecca for moderns—including some incredible modernist homes designed by the likes of Richard Neutra. Not only is a Modernism Week held every February when the town is overrun by retro aficionados: Palm Canyon Drive is also rife with stores selling both vintage and recent modernist wares. Shoppers who like mid-twentiethcentury modernism will have to separate the chaff from the grain.
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There are high-end finds and junk that would have been better left in someone’s attic. There are finely designed contemporary goods and garish home furnishings in colors that would make Crayola blush.
Whoever decided that a saturated green would look good with an even more saturated orange might want to do a little research into American design in the 1950s. Some recent restaurants on Palm Canyon Drive have captured the modernist wave while adding their own postmodernist flair. Lulu’s and Trio, for example, offer vibrant settings mixing mid-century designs with contemporary elements. In fact, while the northern end of town is a designated “design district,” Lulu’s is leading the way to a gentrified southern end — which will include a renovated home (in a former mid-century bank) for the Palm Springs Art Museum’s new Design and Architecture Center. Palm Springs is also quite gay. It’s as if Rip Taylor and Paul Lynde had a baby—and then decided he wasn’t gay enough, so they had him raised by Charles Nelson Reilly. It’s a schizophrenic kind of gay town: there are many older gay men, some very moneyed, and a lot of what can be most kindly described as “young entrepreneurs” (think Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy).
All of this makes for a wonderful cultural melting pot. You’ll find restaurants with piano bars, where seasoned gay men sing show tunes as straight young couples place their children on stools to hear the
Homes designed by Richard Neutra
music. On this front, Palm Springs is open and honest. You can see why the glitterati were drawn to its striking mountainous setting as a comfy haven away from Hollywood. There’s nothing judgmental about Palm Springs. Connie Stevens still maintains a home in the area. Sometimes, walking down Palm Canyon Drive and thinking about the way it was, you expect to see her as Cricket Blake in Hawaiian Eye, zipping by in her Vette and smiling that sexy smile with those twinkling eyes. Or maybe that was a drag queen who just drove by. Either way—it’s still Palm Springs. Mark Mussari is a freelance writer, translator and educator living in Tucson, Arizona.
December 2011 | The Modern
memory speedway Family Ties and the Road to the Modern Family Growing up, it was a weekly ritual for our family to sit in front of our TV and watch the Keatons navigate their way through life. Woe to the hippies who spawned a mini-Ronald-Reagan. Mallory was the perfect anti-feminist, and the tomboy youngest child, Jennifer, was just sort of there. Elise was an architect and Steven worked
for public television. All families were like this, right? I think that’s what most kids growing up around this time either believed, or wanted to believe, which made looking back at your own family hard and maybe even sad. The “perfect” family sitcom was a formula used extensively by television networks because it worked. People loved watching them and loved laughing with them and even crying with them. I still remember when the Fox network launched and one of its new sitcoms, Married with The Modern | December 2011
Children, hit the airwaves. It was almost the bizarro-world equivalent of Family Ties or The Cosby Show. The family sitcom was changing either along with, or in response to, the realities of family life in America. “Nuclear family” was a concept I learned relatively early in my public-school education. I wonder if schools have stopped teaching this. As the father of two girls, I should probably find out. For those who don’t remember, a nuclear family is defined as a mother, a father and their children. Anything outside this formula fell into the “other,” or “extended” or “non-traditional” buckets. If not explicit, this teaching at least implied that there is a single type of normal family. Now, as an adult, I realize the concept of family is nothing like what I learned in the classroom or sitting in front of my TV growing up. Some may say that “family” as a concept has become overly complicated or that family, as an institution, is under attack. I actually think the concept of family has become simpler and easier to understand. Families are based on relationships and not the actual make-up of the individuals. A strong family means strong relationships. It’s that simple. It’s what I’m striving for in my own family life. My kids are too young to watch Modern Family, but when I happen to catch an episode, I find it really funny and so different from my families of sit-
com past. The patriarch, Jay, is divorced and married to a much younger Columbian woman, who has a son. One of Jay’s kids is gay and in a committed relationship. They have an adopted Asian daughter. Jay’s other child, Claire, is married with a family of her own, but “normal” is not a word that can be used to describe them. Family dysfunction is proudly worn on the sleeve of each character. Newer family sitcoms all seem to celebrate family dysfunction, which is part of the reason why new shows more accurately reflect the changing nature of what “family” means in America today. They are not afraid to admit that all families have problems, so why hide them? Yes, stereotypes are hyped and no, not every family is quite so dysfunctional. But today’s family sitcoms are able to express that having two dads, or a mom and dad, or a divorced dad (and his hot young Columbian wife), matters much less than the actual relationships between the people in a family. The interactions you have and the sincerity behind them are more important that the circumstances in which they take place. I will always have fond memories of watching Family Ties and the like, but that idea of family is a fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with fantasy. You need a healthy fantasy life to sometimes work through and understand your reality. But now its time for me to rethink some of the notions that I’ve held onto for so long. Jimmy Yang is an attorney by day and an adventurous dad the rest of the time. www.themodern.us
retro merch
Jay S. Jacobs
Mr. Microphone Hey, retro classic, we’ll be back to pick you up later! By Jay S. Jacobs Mr. Microphone was an innovation by the geniuses at the Ronco Company that allowed late-70s teens to get on the radio, all without practicing, credentials or even an audience. Beyond being everyone’s favorite Christmas gift, it was the great equalizer. No longer would you need any particular talent to get on the air. What Mr. Microphone was, essentially, was the first chord-less microphone to be mass-marketed. Point the Mr. Microphone at an FM radio and voila, you’re on the air. As the TV commercial that saturated UHF airwaves in the late 70s detailed, it was a wonder tool that not only allowed you to be a radio star but also allowed you to sexually harass beautiful strangers from the comfort of your own convertible. Of course the microphone had an extremely limited range. Even the snake-oil salesmen at Ronco knew that it probably wasn’t a great idea to allow someone free reign to transmit his lunatic rants to a whole block, let alone a neighborhood or worse. Still, the ubiquitous commercial was played so of-
Retro Sports
ten that it eventually became a shared sense memory for a generation. The bombardment led to a then-new catch phrase that was added to the popular vernacular: “Hey, good looking. We’ll be back to pick you up later!” For that, Mr. Microphone deserves the world’s hearty thanks for a job well done. Jay S. Jacobs is the author of the books “Wild Years: The Music and Myth of Tom Waits” and “Pretty Good Years: A Biography of Tori Amos.” He is also senior editor and founder of the pop culture web magazine www.popentertainment.com.
See the classic commercial here. http://youtu.be/gqZQmS8KeLM
Put me in, coach! For a high score on this out-of-the-park baseball quiz!
By William Shultz 1. The New York Yankees have won the most baseball championships with 27. Which team has the second most? And what year was that? 2. Name the 8 ballplayers who batted over .400 for the season since 1901. 3. Who was the last pitcher to win 30 or more games in a season? 4. Who were the first African Americans allowed to play for the National and American Leagues since the 1880’s and what year was it they were allowed to play? 5. How many Cubans and Mexicans were in the major leagues before Aftican Americans were allowed to play in 1947? Hint: At the turn of the century, some owners tried to pass off some black players as Cuban. ANSWERS: 1: St. Louis Cardinals with 11, 1947 2: Ty Cobb (3 times), Rogers Hornsby (3), George Sisler (2), Nap Lajoie, Joe Jackson, Bill Terry, Harry Heilmann, Ted Williams 3: Denny McLain, 31, Detroit Tigers, 1968. 4: Jackie Robinson, Brooklyn Dodgers(NL) and Larry Doby, Cleveland Indians(AL) 1947. 5: 37 Cubans and 3 Mexicans.
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December 2011 | The Modern
Picker/Grinner/Lover/Sinner
Discovering The Smiths An uncommon new take on the old group with the common name. By Desiree Dymond In the spring of 2011, I made the most important music discovery of my life. After re-watching Pretty in Pink, one of my favorite movies from my childhood, I was so enchanted by the soundtrack that I went straight to itunes. The song “Please, Please, Please” by The Smiths resonated with me to the point of jawdropping speechlessness. I then bought ten more of The Smiths’ songs, and then ten more. I realized that this type of music could have helped me though some of the darkest days of my past. It could have touched me in a way I then badly needed. Good music is similar to a mindaltering drug in that it can change awareness and perception. It carries the strength to penetrate even the strongest brick wall around any heart. After several days of listening to this symphony to my ears, I completely fell for the voice of The Smiths. His name is Steven Patrick Morrissey. Glancing at the album cover of The Sounds of the Smiths, I was killed by the band’s style. They could step right off that cover today and be more tragically cool than any current underground musician walking the beat of an unknown road. One Google search led to another. Eventually I found myself on YouTube, witnessing my current Smiths obsession: a live taping from 1984, on a British music countdown show. At the number 10 spot, they are playing “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” (http://youtu.be/xRi8MYrtKYk.) Morrissey is wearing rad glasses that seem to be prescribed by a doctor. He’s also sporting a fake hearing aid. Out of the back of his jeans sticks a plant that resembles a peacock tail. Finally, on a chain in the front of his pants is what looks like a dangling watch. Johnny Marr, the guitarist, sits on the amp wearing some sort of diamond necklace, as well as mirrored sunglasses. Drummer Mike Joyce and bassist Andy Rourke look like any guys I would have gone to high school with in the NineThe Modern | December 2011
ties – seemingly not caring how they are dressed. Studying their Wikipedia page, I learned things I would have rather not known — the struggles the band had within itself. Of course, there were the egos, the quarrels over money, and the vowing never to reunite. All of this brought them back down to human status as fast as I’d catapulted them into the mythic song gods of my salvation. My bubble had burst. How could such talented, beautiful musicians be so petty and egotistical? Well, was I serious – a musician not being petty and egotistical? I’ve dated enough of them in the past to know this is the norm. I suppose the feeling is similar to childhood disappointments. For instance, discovering that adults had tricked me into believing this ridiculous Santa Claus lie. Or that everything may not work out happily ever after, despite my doing the right thing. These lies seem so cruel when discovered, but over time, they grow into endearing memories that I actually look back on with love and forgiveness. It’s the same kind of love that The Smiths’ stories are trying to convey, the excitement they were trying to instill in a world filled with such long, empty stretches of loneliness and instability. The Smiths faced the reality of their own fate, but also found love and comfort in their own music. Their work inspires, changes, and reaches me in a way I haven’t been able to feel in a long time. It’s almost a rebirth of life blowing through me by the wind of their sound. Their music easily gives me what I am looking for in a world where everything has come via a hard and difficult labor. It’s a profound feeling when I’ve learned something important and life changing through the simple medium of song. I find inspired hope and desire when all is forgotten, while being lost on an empty path leading to nowhere. This music will start playing and lead you in the right direction if you can let yourself hear it. Desiree Dymond is a model, singer/songwriter, and blogger residing in NYC. www.themodern.us
sit on it
Mark Mussari
Lounging Around An American classic from Charles and Ray Eames. By Mark Mussari When the producers of the TV sitcom Frasier were looking for the perfect symbol of the title character’s sophistication and style, they found it in a chair. The Eames Lounge that sat in Dr. Frasier Crane’s tony, eclectic apartment in Seattle fit the bill perfectly for the lifestyle of the effete radio psychologist. “Go ahead, Frasier,” it seemed to say, “I’m listening.” For decades, millions of people have tuned into the beauty of the iconic chair, designed in 1956 by the husband and wife team of Charles and Ray Eames. The couple had already worked on a lounge chair made of molded plywood in the 1940s, but it was never produced. Over the next decade, they kept perfecting their technology and approach. Little did they know they were inching toward a firstclass American design — a design whose lines were both modern and traditional. An easy chair that finally came out of its boring suburban shell. In fact, the Eames Lounge looks like the love child of a traditional leather wingback after a wild night with some curvy veneer. Playing against the notion that modern means cold, Charles said he wanted to create a chair with “the warm, receptive look of a well-used baseball mitt.” The couple’s fist prototype went to film director Billy Wilder, the director of Some like It Hot and Sunset Boulevard. In 1956, the Eamses finally introduced the chair on NBC, on a live program called The Home Show, hosted by Arlene Frances (see — she did more than just guess people’s occupations on What’s My Line?). Charles even created a two-minute film illustrating how the chair was manufactured and assembled — including the packing process. The chair originally sold for $404 — expensive at the time, and only about 400 sold that first year. By 1975, Herman Miller, the company still producing the chair, had sold 100,000 of them. You can have one today for about $3,500. So, what is it about the Eames Lounge and its equally attractive ottoman? First, its original rosewood exterior (now usually a lacquered walnut veneer) brought dark wood—usually associated with traditional furniture— into a spare, modernist design. Second, there isn’t a straight line or hard edge in sight. Every line is curved. The soft leather is invitwww.themodern.us
ing. Charles and Ray believed in comfort—they had no interest in expensive designs created solely for their looks. And there’s a subtle sense of symmetry. Both back pieces are the same size, and the chair’s seat is the same dimension as the accompanying ottoman. The Eames Lounge is also a noticeably masculine design: strong and sturdy. And who looks good in masculine settings? Women—which Ray, a graduate of the prestigious Cranbrook Academy, where she met Charles, must surely have known. In a letter to her husband in 1955, she observed that the chair was “trim, neat and un-designy.” The multi-talented couple was after a more accessible design. The Eames lounge is one of the few chairs to have been given its own traveling exhibition. “The Eames Lounge Chair: An Icon of Modern
Design” was organized in 2006—on the occasion of the chair’s fiftieth anniversary—by the Grand Rapids Art Museum. A book was produced to accompany the exhibit. How many chairs get their own books? There was a standing (or maybe it’s a sitting) joke on Frasier about the ugly old easy chair his beer-drinking father, Martin Crane, brought into Frasier’s otherwise classy apartment. Frasier could never abide it. In one episode, Martin finally sits in his son’s beloved Eames Lounge. “You know, this is pretty comfortable,” he admits. “I would have been okay with this!” Who wouldn’t? Mark Mussari is a writer and translator who writes frequently about art and design. December 2011 | The Modern
dig this dvd
The Partridge Family, Season One (1970-1971) The family that plays together, stays together -- and, for one brief, shining moment -- outsells the Beatles. By Ronald Sklar Not only were the Partridges the original garage band, they were also the Bradys’ prime-time neighbors (Friday nights on ABC from 1970-1974 — the prototype TGIF!). However, unlike the Bradys, who were insular and innocent, the Partridges were extroverted and world weary. Billed as “the family who plays together, stays together,” and based on the 60s pop-music family group The Cowsills, the Partridges had seen it all in their travels: smoky nightclubs, hookers, gangsters, union strikes, morality watchdogs, a Detroit ghetto, a women’s lib rally, unscrupulous promoters, a prison, unstable hippie chicks and most importantly of all, Las Vegas. The Bradys, cozy and content in their suburban womb, would only venture as far as the pedestrian soft spots of Hawaii, the Grand Canyon and King’s Island amusement park (when not fixing their bikes or drinking their milk). Still, the Partridges, like the Bradys, were decidedly upper-middle class. They lived in Northern California (San Pueblo) in a more-than-comfy split-level (tasteful except for the brown shag carpeting and the avocado refrigerator; however, the Partridge crib had nothing on the famous Brady house). The kids, though supposedly mentioned in fan magazines, still attended public school, scraped their own dishes and washed their own considerable hair. Their famous touring bus was an eyesore in the driveway (The “Careful! Nervous Mother Driving!” warning was for real: Shirley Jones really drove that bus – she was taught by teamsters!). And no neighbors ever complained as the clan diligently practiced their rockin’ craft with great discipline in The Modern | December 2011
their garage. On weekends, however, the Partridges squawked on the wild side. Their story goes somewhat like this: a widow named Shirley (Shirley Jones) quits her bank-teller job (back when you can support five children on a bank teller’s salary). She does this in order to join her kids’ pop band (working mothers were a rarity on TV in those days; our hearts were meant to sink due to their unfortunate fate of having to toil outside the house). That most adolescents would rather die than even be seen in public with their parents – let alone have them rock out with them on stage for all the world to see and hear – is not explained or addressed. According to Shirley’s narration, her husband died six months earlier (he was never named or mentioned again, ever) and, as a result, the Partridges were up a pear tree, desperately trying to make ends meet. With the help of a neurotic, hangdog, W.C. Fields-like manager, Reuben Kincaid (the terrific Dave Madden), they land their very first gig at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas (?!). The effect: they become
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a minor sensation with a good vibration, allowing them to make both the mortgage and the Top 40. The rest of their story is far more sketchy: the episodes fluctuate between the group being a) wildly famous and b) struggling nightclub performers earning a modest paycheck. One week, they have a hit record on the radio; the next week, they are toiling in relative obscurity. The writers are undecided as to the clan’s degree of fame and fortune, and they toggle carelessly back and forth to fit the current storyline. In addition, the group seems to play for The Kids in one episode, but in the next, their audience seems to be sophisticated, jet-setting adults in bouffants, evening gowns and tuxedos (we’re almost always subjected to the same discerning audience footage of a nightclub crowd seated at long tables, smoking and rattling their jewelry to the music. It’s post-Rat Pack, but not by much.). Okay, so the Partridges do keep us guessing, but one thing we know for sure is that their only huge hit, “I Think I Love You,” brings all the people together and gives a happy ending to the turbulent 60s (in real life, this record will outsell The Beatles’ “Let It Be”). When they’re singing and playing, the lion lay down with the lamb; peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars, even though the brood does the worst job of lip synching this side of Milli Vanilli. The kids in this household are not as interchangeable as the Bradys: there is Keith (David Cassidy), the teen idol who looks like a chick; Laurie (Susan Dey), the poncho-wearing, model-like oldest sister, who asks us to find it adorable that she is a radical activist (and we do) and who never, ever eats, even when food is placed in front of her; and Danny (Danny Bonaduce) the red-headed scamp who is supposedly ten-years old but has a freakish command of business, publicity and the stock market. It’s supposed to be funny and novel, but it’s uncomfortable and puzzling. Bonaduce is still a rascal even today, in the hilarious commentary track. In a scene where Laurie is leaning over Danny, Bonaduce exclaims, “If she had breasts, that would have been a pivotal moment for me!” He also observes, “We’re five white kids dressed up like Superfly!” www.themodern.us
Then, of course, we have the dilemma of the problem children, Chris and Tracy (Jeremy Gelbwaks and Suzanne Crough) who are easily the very worst child actors in the history of television (in this golden era of breeder comedies, how difficult could it have been to cast two child actors with some acting chops, a la Bobby and Cindy Brady?). Gelbwaks will eventually become the Pete Best of the group, being unceremoniously replaced by Chris Foster in the second season. Unfortunately, Suzanne Crough was not replaced, and she (charmless, listless) was the one who most needed to go. And like Tiger on The Brady Bunch, the family dog is fired after the first season. The list of guest stars (and stars to be) is rather impressive. We see The Scarecrow himself, Ray Bolger, playing the grandfather who is experiencing a “youth kick” (we know this because he sports mutton chops and an ascot around his neck, and takes a joyous bite of a hot dog). He jams with the Partridges (knowing every word to their song even though it’s the very first time he’s ever heard it). We also get pre-Charlie’s-Angels Jaclyn Smith and Farrah Fawcett playing various pieces of ass, and a pre-Rookies Michael Ontkean as a hunky high schooler. You’ll also witness a before-he-was-goofy Richard Mulligan (Empty Nest) as the concerned family doctor; Star Wars’ Mark Hamill as an awkward teen with a crush on Laurie; and a hootable William Schallert (Patty Duke’s TV poppo) as a Will-Rogers type folk singer on whom the Partridges bizarrely obsess and are determined to make a star, even if it kills him. However, the standout episode of the collection is the one featuring Richard Pryor and Lou Gossett, Jr., in the 1970 obligatory Black Folks Are People Too offering. Get this: the Partridges’ touring schedule is somehow mixed up with the Temptations’, and the lily-white clan arrives smack in the middle of a Detroit ghetto (really a non-menacing Screen Gems backlot). It’s complete with a woman in orange leather pants, and an “African-American Cultural Society” (known in real life as The Black Panthers). To make a long story short, the Partridges get soul (“I have an idea for a song,” Keith suggests. “It’s kind of an Afro thing.”). The tension between the races is December 2011 | The Modern
dig this dvd healed forever as The Partridges get hot pants and the neighborhood responds rhythmically. A word about the music: it’s fan-TAS-tic. The unsung heroes of this series were the studio musicians who pretended to be The Partridge Family (only David Cassidy’s voice was used for real, and they sped it up slightly in order to make him sound younger. Shirley Jones would add her harmonies after the recordings were finished, and it’s always a trip to watch her perky/rockin’ body language when she’s performing). The year was 1970, and the charts featured such mellow rock acts as The Carpenters, Bread, Chicago and James Taylor (you do the math). Most of their songs tended to use the word “together” one too many times (a very important word -- nay, a groovy concept — at the end of the 60s), but each tune is like three minutes of sunshine. In fact, the DVD offers terrific Partridge songs that should be beloved standards, monster hits and party favorites, but never achieved that status thanks to the rock bullies who insisted that we pay attention instead to Led Zeppelin. The DVD also features boring commentary from Shirley Jones (“What a great song.” “I remember that very well.” “That bus!”) as well as two episodes of the inexplicable, unhackable animated cartoon series The Partridge Family, 2200 A.D. This junky filler was created by the cheap-bastard Hanna Barbera team, who stubbornly stuck to their Jetsons-like vision of the future (cosmic malt shops, record stores and tape decks. And when are we getting those flying cars?). The only positive thing to come out of this cartoon is that Tracy seems to be more animated than she is in the original series. What works best besides the music is the writing, which is surprisingly cynical and highbrow. The Partridge Family, unlike The Brady Bunch, is more often than not downbeat and dark, and often out-loud funny. They’re not always automatically sinking into the adorable. Some of the jokes are dated (references to Abbie Hoffman, Woodstock, Berkeley, and Myra Breckenridge), but credit must be given to the writers who were not afraid to go over The Kids’ heads. Some examples: while headlining at the local prisThe Modern | December 2011
on, Shirley muses before her captive audience, “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a convict. But I think in some real way, we are all prisoners.” Also, just like Camus, she advises Keith, “It’s human nature. You’re unhappy then. You’re unhappy now.” Dare Carol Brady to try that advice. Or contemplate Reuben musing, “Free speech is great until somebody else starts talking.” And when an embarrassed Laurie experiences radio broadcasts being transmitted through her braces, Danny incorrectly states, “The Rolling Stones don’t make personal appearances in a person’s mouth.” Finally, count the kids on your one hand who would understand the following criticism from Danny to Reuben: “If you’ve been Toulouse Letrec’s manager, he would have been known as the World’s Greatest Short Order Cook.” The following three seasons would see a considerable downsizing, as their big-budget traveling and road locations would be traded in for more domestic and less radical situations. Disco and arena rock were on their way in — while filmed breeder sitcoms with laugh tracks were on their way out. By 1974, the Partridges were transported to the ghetto of Saturday night and then cancelled. However, we’ll always have their stunning Screen Gems backlot neighborhood. The Partridge home was only a broomstick ride away from the famous Bewitched residence, in which all the Partridges’ boyfriends and girlfriends seemed to dwell and confuse our television worldview by doing so. And even though it would seem like a natural progression, Shirley and Reuben never hooked up; rather, they remained strangely, infuriatingly platonic. As the Partridges themselves might say, this DVD is “heavy.” And they would mean that in a good way.
Watch the Patridges rock out in the ghett-to here (with one of their greatest songs):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75qtf9AcxME www.themodern.us
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sh t http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo_txjQ3EzY Bette Davis was known for a lot of things; singing was not one of them. With her usual balls, she clearly gives not one shit about her lack of singing talent on a 1962 ep of The Andy Williams Show. She’s there to promote her new “comeback” flick, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane. After some awkward banter with a barely focused Andy, she gets down to business, singing about her twisted title character: a former child star gone bonkers while torturing her handicapped sister (you getting this?). Bette’s theme song (only played briefly in the movie as an instrumental) is offered up as her new “record.” She rocks out with a beat, in an attempt to appeal to the kids (most of whom would not be watching this show). Not that Bette needed to soldier on with the promotion: the film would become a blockbuster and a beloved classic. And as multi-talented as she is, add this to the list of things she can’t do: Twist. It’s the worst Twist anyone has ever performed in the history of The Twist. And that’s saying something. She also messes up the lyrics, singing “what really happened” instead of “what ever happened.” Whatever.
The Modern | December 2011
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