Summer 2018 by Just Between Us

E N C O U RA G I N G & E Q U I P P I N G W O M E N F O R A L I F E O F FA I T H Summer 2018

Embracing Your Calling

www.justbetweenus.org

Capturing Holy Moments

by Cherilyn Dahlsten, pg24

by Rebekah Lyons, pg14

18 Living Out a Legacy of Faith 26 The Summer Solution for Hospitality

34 Healing from Our Dysfunctional Past 1

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32 Investing in the Next Generation

Elisa Morgan speaks out of the

deepest, most honest places of the soul —and my soul is always the richer—and moved closer to Jesus—for the listening.

—Ann Voskamp

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Author of the New York Times bestsellers One Thousand Gifts and The Broken Way

Explore this two-sided prayer masterpiece through Jesus’s example in the garden of Gethsemane and discover the intimacy He died to provide.

Visit theprayercoin.org for special offers! Available wherever books are sold 2

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Between You and Me “To appropriate, enjoy, and practice the presence of God is the greatest thing we can do, not only for ourselves, but for those we love.” 2. Praying as you begin to do whatever it is until you’ve “said it!” First to God. Until you’ve been honest enough to express your anger, disappointment, real worries, fears, failure or sin in prayer, you will never learn to be transparent in your prayers with God. It’s often a temptation to think it’s all settled just because you’ve thought it through, or you’ll be happy simply with the knowledge that He knows you better than you know yourself. But prayer is all about knowing that you can talk to Him about anything, and that as you read His Word for answers, you can talk about that too! His Word can help you shape your prayers. 3. Sharing it. Share what you are discovering as you read and pray. Write it, tell it, email it, blog it, tweet it, phone it, whisper it, or shout it from the housetops! The more you pass it on, the more you will become a blessing. We owe it to the world. Pass it on, and encourage others to do the same! These practical, yet life-giving practices, will bring you closer to Jesus so that He can use you to love those in the world He longs to have belong to Him. In His Love,

Jill Briscoe is the founder of Just Between Us. She is also a popular author and international speaker living in suburban Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband Stuart.

Ministry on the Go Pick up trash in your local town or neighborhood when you are out on a walk.

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My greatest desire is to go deeper into the heart of God. I want to know the Lord Jesus Christ in the secret place inside me. I want to celebrate Him all day every day; I want to revel in God! And, then, I want to help everyone that wants to know how to do that too! But—life lesson—I can only take people as far as I’ve gone with God in prayer as I myself have gone. For the Apostle Paul, knowing Jesus Christ meant knowing Him—interiorly. This inner heart knowledge was not limited to his past relationship with the Lord, but was a growing relationship with God in which there was “joy that wouldn’t quit” in new discoveries in prayer in his present circumstances as well. The challenges and excitement of this increasing comprehension of Christ in personal devotion is a choice. It just doesn’t happen. And it can’t happen through us until it’s happened to us! When we accept Christ as Savior, it’s just the beginning of our discovery of the wealth of the Holy Spirit in our lives. The treasure trove of wisdom and knowledge are to be found in knowing Christ. To appropriate, enjoy, and practice the presence of God is the greatest thing we can do, not only for ourselves, but for those we love. However, it will take practicing healthy spiritual habits for a lifetime. So what are these healthy habits? 1. Reading the Bible daily. “Nothing new here” you might say, but maybe this is a new thought: read the Bible passage until you “get it!” Ah, now that’s what makes the difference! “Get what?” you may ask. “Whatever it is that the Lord wants to draw your attention to today.” It may be a promise, or something helpful for a tough situation you find yourself in. It could be a warning—a “do not.” It could be that you need to stop doing something you know very well is wrong, but you don’t seem to have the power to stop doing it. Until you obey the imperative in Scripture in that area of behavior, you may as well not bother reading anymore! When you start to get it and do it, and start doing not the do not’s, the Bible will become a whole new book, a road map to a meaningful life. So read until you “get it.” Then, when you get it “do it!”

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Contents

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A Meaningful Life How long has it been since you’ve felt alive to embrace God’s calling? by Rebekah Lyons

E N C O U RA

QUIPPIN GING & E

Summer 2018

Embracing Your Calling

Holy Moments for Marthas Focusing on what is right in front of you instead of what needs to get done.

Party Time! Summer’s the perfect time for an outdoor fiesta. Why not round up some friends and neighbors and go for it!

by Cherilyn Dahlsten

by Terry Willits

Coffee with Chloe Try investing in the next generation—they’ll be changed and so will you! by Krista Heinen

org

g Capturiny Hol ts Momen

Dahlsten, pg24 by Cherilyn

Lyons, pg14

a 18 Living Out Legacy of Faith er 26 The Summ Solution for Hospitality

in the 32 Investing n Next Generatio from Our 34 Healing Past Dysfunctional

2018

FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS call toll-free 800-260-3342, or visit our website justbetweenus.org. From Canada call 262-786-6478.

Healing From Our Dysfunctional Past You can find healing and wholeness after growing up in a broken family. By facing your painful past, you will uncover your true identity in Christ and be free to become the person He made you to be. by Heather Webb

etweenus. www.justb

ER us S U M M just between

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by Rebekah

H E O F FA I T FOR A LIF G WOMEN

24 26

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Welcome from the Editor

This issue is full of articles that will do just that. We know you are going through all types of things, so we’ve prayerfully put together a variety of topics that we hope you will find encouraging, uplifting, and helpful in your life and as you influence others. I’m so excited about the interview on page 18. Melva Henderson is someone you’ve gotten to know through her regular column, but this is a real up-close-and-personal. “Party Time!” on page 26 will get you excited about serving up summer hospitality in your backyard. And, as always, we’ve tackled a few tough topics like healing from dysfunctional families and the challenges of caregiving for aging parents. Finally, to continue with our word of the year, hope, there is an excellent article on what it means to “hunt for hope” in the difficult places of our lives on page 36. These are just a few issue highlights. I pray you will linger over every single one, so the Holy Spirit can do His mighty work in your heart and give you hope for whatever seems impossible. Now back to the song…I’ve always loved another part of the chorus, “Get up everybody and sing.” I hope when you’re having one of those days, and just need a friend, you remember “I’ve got all my JBU sisters with me.” And it’s my prayer that this issue not only leaves you feeling loved, but with something to sing about! Until next time,

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for the last 28 years.

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Dear Friends, I grew up as the oldest in a family of five girls, and there was never a dull moment. My poor dad became a marathon runner just to retain his sanity! I know I’m dating myself, but my sisters and I adopted a theme song that was popular at the time. Perhaps some of you have heard it? “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. I loved a line in the chorus that became our anthem, “I’ve got all my sisters with me.” It reflected how we would always be there with each other through all of life’s celebrations and sorrows and everything in between. There’s nothing like having a sister to do life with, to know that you always have someone in your court who will share your secrets, your fears, your heart. As part of our JBU family, you’ve now inherited a worldwide network of sisters who are rooting for you and consider you part of their forever Jesus family. A recent reader on Facebook expressed it well, “Just Between Us is like getting a much-needed hug every time I open my new magazine!” We’re so glad she feels that way because that’s exactly what families do—love, hug, and support one another. It’s our hope and prayer as you read on that you’ll feel that same support and, most importantly, experience God hugging your heart just where it needs it most. If I could sum up our JBU sisterhood heart it’s this: “Our family is a circle of strength, founded in faith…joined in love…kept by God.” With every page we want you to find your faith strengthened, your love for God deepened, and feel the arms of this sisterhood wrapped tightly around you.

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Contents

CREDITS

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03 Between You and Me

Bits & Pieces

Transparent Moments

Renewals Manager Nancy Krull

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

Marketing Andrea Buchanan Julie Santiago Julie Wedel

18 FA I T H C O N V E R S AT I O N S Making a Difference Melva Henderson talks about living all out for Christ and the legacy her grandmother’s faith has left on her life and worldwide ministry.

Donor Development Associate/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt Subscriptions Julie Matthews Barb Pechacek Mary Richards Lin Sebena Software Support Rebecca Loesche Photographer Wayde Peronto/ Babboni Photography

ADVERTISING Lindy Mason For more information call 407.293.6636 or email Lindy@faithbasedmediagroup.net.

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General Manager Mary Perso

Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Susan Lawrence Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

by Shelly Esser 18

Web Debbie Wicker

Art Director Kelly Perso

Kisses from Katie

Editor Shelly Esser

Editorial Assistants Aubrey Adams Constance B. Fink Gayle Gengler Betty Hinds Cherry Hoffner Jen Symmonds Susan Vanselow

Welcome from the Editor 5 Joni’s Corner

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

Web Director Mary Ann Prasser

I N S P I R AT I O N

Between Readers

Founder Jill Briscoe

MANUSCRIPTS/QUERIES (cannot be returned) Send requests for writer’s guidelines and all manuscripts to: Just Between Us, Editor 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045

Email: submissions@justbetweenus.org

F E AT U R E S

ENCOURAGEMENT

Want to Be a Good Mom? Being a great mom doesn’t hinge on things like your baking skills, but rather on your total reliance on God.

Real Faith It is Well

The Homefront

by Laura Story 28

The Deeper Life

Taking the Whine Out of Worship We can get pretty good at complaining about church. Try these four steps to reset your soul to see the positive things God is doing.

Healthy Emotions

by Sherri Langton 30

Hunting for Hope Digging through the darkness to find God. by Nika Maples 36

Gift Your Ministries: Group subscriptions are now available at reduced rates. Encourage and inspire the women who make ministry happen at your church or other places of outreach or service to others. Energize their relationships, refresh their faith, and become equipped as a team for facing ministry challenges through JBU. For more information, call 800-260-3342 today!

Chronic Hope

Digital Wellness

SUBSCRIPTIONS Subscription Price: $19.95 per year for four issues. Outside US, add $6 per year prepaid US currency; $5 in Canada.

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701. Make all checks and money orders payable to: Just Between Us, Subscription Orders 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045 To order by phone, or for more information: call 800.260.3342. From Canada call 262.786.6478. Email: jbu@justbetweenus.org Website: www.justbetweenus.org Periodical Postage Paid at Brookfield, WI and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Just Between Us, 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045. Just Between Us is a member publication of the Evangelical Press Association. Copyright ©2018 by Just Between Us. All rights reserved. Printed in USA. We occasionally share subscriber mailing addresses with select organizations. If you would like your name removed from direct mail promotional lists, please call 800-260-3342 or email jbu@justbetweenus.org.

Moving Stories from Award-Winning Author

R AC H E L M A R I E S TO N E “Rachel Stone writes with power in this captivating reflection on the legacies of pain, procreation, and promise that echo through women’s lives. Part memoir, part travelogue, part time travel, Birthing Hope kept me glued to its pages.” — Jennifer Grant

author of Love You More and Maybe God Is Like That Too

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ivpress.com

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Q: A:

readers

Looking for a spiritual nugget to lift your day or encourage your heart? Your fellow JBU readers want to help! We asked,

THE WORD

How do you practice daily gratitude?

“‘It is not happy people who are grateful, it is grateful people who are happy.’ So says the sign in my living room. Years ago, I received a piece of wisdom that I will not soon forget. Applying Philippians 4:8-9, the ‘whatever’ verse, to every situation helps transform your outlook on life. For example, instead of thinking ‘my husband works too much; he doesn’t want to be around me,’ think on what is noble and true. ‘My husband works so hard to provide for our family. It must be so hard on him to be gone.’ Over time, this way of thinking transforms the heart, and gratitude becomes a natural reaction.” Ashley Mekelburg Master of all at the House of Mekelburg, Lannon, Wis.

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“I find gratitude with each morning sunrise. I see the sun shining brightly or simply breaking through the clouds. I look at the day ahead the same way, grateful for the little nuggets of good shining through the trials of the day. Look for blessings in each daily task, like doing laundry, for example. I am reminded to count my blessings in a great quote from Woodrow Kroll, who said: ‘Concentrate on counting your blessings and you’ll have little time to count anything else.’”

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Tonia Froling Stay-at-Home Mom, Hartland, Wis.

“After my mission trip to Haiti, it made me realize the importance of other people’s needs. Every morning I wake up knowing that I have what many people don’t. And words aren’t the only way to show gratitude, it can also happen by spending time in prayer and showing His love to others. I continue to be thankful every day because, even when times are rocky, I can still rely on Him. First Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, ‘Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’”

73 Likes

Hannah Tyler Student, Delafield, Wis.

Follow Just Between Us Magazine on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.

Being used by God is an adventure you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to miss!

With her trademark warmth and keen sense of humor, Jill Briscoe, founder of Just Between Us, helps readers learn how to allow God to live through them, finding their mission field to be right before them â&#x20AC;&#x201D;in the space between their own two feet.

TellingTheTruth.org

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L E A R N M O R E AT

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Joni’s Corner

heart-to-heart with Joni Eareckson Tada

Email me! response@ joniandfriends.org.

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Visit my site! joniandfriends.org

Finding Life’s Sacred Pieces When I was on my feet and had use of my hands, I loved putting together jigsaw puzzles. I would empty the box on a big table, spread everything out, and get started. I would look for all the pieces with straight edges—that makes your frame—and from there, find the pieces that fit. I recall once, when I had nearly finished an entire puzzle of a horse, my oldest sister accidentally knocked against the card table, almost tipping it over. It was just enough to send all the puzzle pieces flying. I lunged, hoping to save the near edge of the pasture in which the horse stood, but I was too late. I fumed at my sister, wondering if it was really an accident, but then I turned my attention to the pieces scattered across the floor, under the couch, and behind the drapes. I loved that horse, and I wanted to make certain all its pieces went back into the box. I often think of jigsaw puzzles when people tell me about a life-altering injury that has changed their lives. The way they describe it, it’s as though God has entered the room and tipped over the puzzle table, sending everything flying. I sense their panic as they frantically

scramble to put back together the pieces of their lives. They want things as they were; they want their lives to be neat, tidy, and orderly as before. With worried expressions, they ask how I was able to piece my life back together. I don’t blame them. I once did the same thing. It’s why I always show them the pencil drawing that was drawn by a friend when I got out of the hospital after I broke my neck. I tell them to examine it slowly. “It’s no use trying to locate all those puzzle pieces from your life before your accident,” I explain. “Trust me, you will never find them. Most of those pieces will stay missing until the other side of eternity.” Ephesians 1:11 reads like directions on a puzzle box: “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.” When a life-altering circumstance occurs—a botched surgery, a crippling injury, a divorce, or an unexpected death— our immediate instinct is to remake our life, as we once knew it. We want our lives to be tidy and orderly. We want everything to fit. God has a different reason for upsetting the puzzle of life: He doesn’t want your life, as you once knew it, all familiar and comfortable. He wants change, life-transforming change. He wants a different picture on the cover of the puzzle box—the image of His Son, Jesus. From the pieces of your life that remain, God will work out everything in conformity with the purpose of

His will for you. The old picture may have been okay, but the new picture will be better. Much better. It’s why every Christian who has gone through the trauma of life-altering change relies on Romans 8:28-29: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose… to be conformed to the image of his Son…” That life-image is not only gratifying, but also satisfying. Nothing gives Christians more joy or delight, than to know that people are looking at you and seeing Jesus. Wisdom is not the skill in finding all the jigsaw pieces after your heart is broken, or your home, or your neck. Wisdom isn’t the expertise in knowing how to make everything fit. Wisdom is trusting God, even when, and especially when, all the pieces go missing. Work on that puzzle, and you’ll be “in conformity with the purpose of His will.” And it will be beautiful. Joni Eareckson Tada, the founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center, is an advocate for people with disabilities, providing Christ-centered programs for special-needs families through retreats. She has also delivered over 100,000 wheelchairs and Bibles to disabled people in developing nations. A diving accident in 1967 left Joni, then 17, a quadriplegic. Her new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Glory, contains fresh biblical insights from her battle with cancer and chronic pain. Joni also serves as general editor of the new Beyond Suffering Bible, a special edition published by Tyndale for those who suffer from chronic conditions, and their caregivers. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

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Kisses from Katie

living the surrendered life with Katie Davis Majors

Visit my site! amazima.org

I’m not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I’m just here to love the way Christ loves me. Many of the fancily-dressed guests at the wedding even came and told me that I probably shouldn’t’ speak to these awful children, let alone kiss them, and let them bury their faces in my hair. “They are from the street!” the people would cry, as if it was some kind of sin, as if the children could help it. We had so much fun though. The children ate up every bit of attention I could give. They danced as close to me as they possibly could and lavished me with love. We spun and

laughed until we ached, and had to collapse in the grass outside of the reception. Those who had been shy at first (they are not used to adults talking to them) ended up snuggling close by my side, petting my hair, or kissing my hands. The littlest ones fell asleep in my lap, despite the blaring music from the wedding. Those who could speak English wanted to know all about me and thanked me unnecessarily for spending time with them. They were so happy. I can’t describe the new light in their eyes after all of our dancing. It’s that light. It’s that happiness. It’s that love. My darling little friend Emily is asleep in my lap and I can feel her heart beating against mine. It’s that beat. It’s that warmth. It’s that love. It’s that love that is the reason I keep filling up my little eye-dropper. It’s why I keep filling it up and emptying my ocean one drop at a time. I’m not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I’m just here to love the way Christ loves me. Katie Davis Majors lives in Uganda, and she and her husband, Benji, are the parents of 13 adopted daughters and one son. In 2008, she started Amazima Ministries International, a non-profit organization to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of the people of Uganda (amazima.org). Additionally, she is the author of Kisses for Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption, and her newest book, Daring to Hope. Follow Katie’s blog at katiedavis.amazima.org.

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It’s All About Love Sometimes working in a Third World Country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eye-dropper. And just when I have about half-a-cup full of water, it rains—more orphans from the north migrate to where I live, more abandoned and dead babies are found, and more people are infected with AIDS. It is enough to discourage even the most enthusiastic and passionate person. And yet, the discouragement lasts only a moment. God tells me to keep going, that He loves me, that He loves these people, that He will never leave or forsake any of us—not one—and that my work is important to Him. Recently, I spent the day at the wedding of my friend Lydia. It was a beautiful celebration not only of our love for one another, but also the love God has for us. At the reception, there was cake and singing and dancing, just like at any American wedding. However, one thing that wasn’t like an American wedding was the congregation of street children at the gate—all longing to join the party inside. Those who know me know that I’m not the kind of person who can sit in a chair if others have to sit on the floor. I immediately felt suffocated inside the gates of the extravagant party.

Instead of the reception, I was outside with the raggedy, dirty street children. We were dancing and laughing and cuddling. Most people at the wedding were slightly appalled that I—a white person especially—was associating with these children, the lowest of the low, the outcasts of society.

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Bits & Pieces

for everyday faith and life

Scripture Refreshment for the Spirit & Soul Scripture is the perfect refreshment when we begin to lose our spiritual energy during the day. Whenever we feel our spiritual energy depleting, we can always turn to God’s Word. Here are a few ways His Word can refresh your spirit and soul. • Take a Scripture break. Throughout your day, meditate on a favorite verse. God’s Word is always uplifting.

The (Unlikely) Ties that Bind Friendships can flourish freely even under the most unlikely circumstances. Consider the prince and the warrior in 1 Samuel: Jonathan stood to inherit the kingdom, but David had been destined by God to take over and rule. In spite of all this, God knit their hearts together. They teach us that even extreme circumstances don’t have to prevent us from experiencing a soul-level friendship. • Have you ever observed or experienced an unlikely friendship? What made it work? • Are there people you cross off your list of prospective friends because of their position, role, or “differentness?” • If you were David, what would have been the hardest thing to overcome in getting to know and trust Jonathan? What if you had been Jonathan?

Words of Wisdom “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom

“He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” ~ Jim Elliot

“Start by doing what’s necessary, then what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi

Write Us! Please send your short (250 words or less) snippets to: submissions@ justbetweenus.org.

~ adapted from Spiritual Friendship by Mindy Caliguire (IVP)

• Record verses on your cell phone. Use your own voice and listen to them when you need a word of encouragement.

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• Read your Bible. Build in times throughout the day to read God’s Word. It will rejuvenate you and is a great way to build up your spiritual stamina. • Write down a verse. Do this on colorful notecards. Then place those cards in your wallet, coat pocket, your desk drawer at work, or other key places. Be encouraged as you come across them. ~ Natalie B. Hall, Beulaville, NC

We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

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Transparent Moments breakthrough insights with Anita Carman

Visit my site! inspirewomen.org

not a physical rock or a “rock” relationship in an individual on earth, but on the solid rock of God’s Word. When we look to God’s Word as our foundation, we will never be shaken. Matthew 7:24-27 says: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Our choice to build our lives on God and His Word is what we can actively do to establish a pillar in our lives. God is eternal and has the capacity to walk with us from now into eternity. When I find myself feeling insecure, I need to evaluate my relationships, re-align my dependence on God, and execute the right plans that serve His purpose. Anita Carman is the Founder and President of Inspire Women, an organization that inspires women across ethnicities, denominations, and economic levels to connect their lives to God’s purpose. It also funds biblical resources and scholarships to train women for missions and ministry. She has an M.B.A. and M.A.B.S. from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita writes a regular devotional and is author of Transforming for a Purpose and A Daughter’s Destiny. She lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband, Robert; they have two sons.

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Who is Your Pillar? Every time I breathe a sigh of relief because I have made someone my pillar, I feel insecure and vulnerable shortly afterwards, because human pillars are never permanent. Even with the most devoted and loyal person, the foundation of any relationship can never be a sure thing, because all people are subject to illnesses and events beyond their control. A well-known college recently found a highly-qualified person to take the office of president only to find out that the person had to resign six months later when diagnosed with a major illness. I know parents who vet their children before putting their future in their hands. A doctor, who passed on his practice to his son, came out of retirement to save the practice when his son passed away unexpectedly. We can’t prevent accidents from happening, guarantee our health, or that we’ll have unlimited years. Yet, I must confess, that I still have an emotional need to have colaborers in Christ I can count on. For many years, not being able to settle pillar relationships has been a continuous source of anxiety and frustration for me. Then one day I had a major “aha” moment! I was in a situation that caught me off guard

when I found myself appealing for help from a trusted friend. Sometimes, the answer from someone is a reluctant “no” because of their unexpected circumstances or a prompt “no” because I have foolishly assessed the relationship to be closer than it is. I remember making the request with the mindset, “I am sure this person will say “yes,” only to find the person saying, “Since no one has said yes to you, the Holy Spirit must not be in this. So, I’m not saying yes either!” The response was so blatantly different from what I had expected that I felt foolish for even asking. I then questioned my own discernment in assessing the depth of my relationships. It always hurts when you realize your feelings for someone are closer than their feelings for you. But every time I am in an unbalanced relationship, God teaches me something about myself. I learned that I have an emotional need for someone to be a pillar, perhaps to compensate for the roots I had lost in my life. One way I assess someone as a pillar is by how quickly they say “yes” the way the kids in the neighborhood, who are raising funds for school, used to sell cookies to Mom first, then Grandma, then to any other relative because they knew the easiest “yes” comes from pillar people in their lives. God had to teach me never to serve out of my own emotional need. Only He can be the perpetual pillar I need in my life. The Bible tells us to build our house on rock. The rock the Bible is referring to is

A Meaningful Life

Embracing your calling.

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by Rebekah Lyons

After dinner, I settle on the couch with laptop in hand while Cade clears the table. He has become quite involved with our dining ritual. He takes his role seriously, as he brings dishes to and from the table, wipes the crumbs, rinses plates, and loads the dishwasher. His job is never complete until he sweeps. He will drag a broom around our entire apartment. A mama’s dream. Watching him, I ponder the past two years, eyes misting as I realize this is a story of God’s greatness. His deliverance. His rescue. His unbridled love and tender kindness that lead me gently back to His feet. Again and again. I recall saying a year ago that I would live a life of brokenness no matter the cost, so long as it kept me dependent on God. So much of me wanted to be shiny and funny, but this new place keeps me aware of my failures and struggles. Not to be swept up by them, but to let Him rescue, again and again. So I’m thankful for the continual crying out. Anything else feels counterfeit. I know it appears odd, but I’m okay with it. Perhaps this oddness extends beyond what we ask for and closer to what we long for. To be undone and swept in His presence. To surrender our heads and our hearts. To tell stories of rescue and redemption. To be held captive to the life we only think we control. To be freed to live the life He ordered for us in the first place. God, You are drawing near. We can tell. May we fall in Your arms on this journey toward a life of meaning. It’s one thing to read another person’s story and sense possibility, but it’s another to decide you are ready to take the leap. Although we travel different paths, most of us end up in a place of longing at one point or another. Some women have pursued their dreams yet experienced incredible pain when life didn’t work out the way they planned. For others, life worked out exactly how they planned, but when they got what they wanted, they realized they were not fulfilled. Pain and emptiness. From lives planned and chaotic. Facing our pain or emptiness head-on is no easy task. I often ask myself, Who am I to shine light? I’m still grieving this mess like everyone else. My vagabond mess. I have been crushed with these questions: With all this suffering in people’s lives, how do we get back up? How does our struggle turn to light? In the eyes of other women like me, I’ve noticed the desire to push through. But the how overwhelms us. How do we find meaning? I now know that we must start by remembering. Before the children came, before the marriage began, before high school graduation, before the loss of whatever happened…when did your heart sing? Did you lie on your back, barefoot in the meadow at dusk, looking up at the vastness of the stars? Did you find yourself enraptured that a Creator ordered these stars one by one and knows each of them by name? Did you imagine how great you are to God’s heart while feeling so small within this cosmos? Did your spirit soar with a glimpse of heartfelt delight from Him? Can you even remember it? That fullness so great you felt as if you’d burst? That moment when you felt the presence of God in your midst. How long has it been since you felt that again? How long has it been since that fullness 15

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Gabe startles me from my thoughts when he walks into our apartment. The dogs jump on his legs, barking with frenzied delight. I scurry to get dinner on the table while it’s still hot, listening to Kennedy pick at Pierce’s guitar strings. After dressing up as Taylor Swift for Halloween, she’s determined she is ready for guitar lessons, too. Monkey see, monkey do. After a long meal of cornbread and chicken rice soup, we share the day’s highs and lows. Pierce tells us he wants to read us the “book” he’s been working on. Mom’s memoir has inspired him. More monkey see, monkey do, I suppose. I scoop pumpkin ice cream into bowls at the kitchen counter when my middle child arrives back at the table. Adding eight more illustrated pages since school let out a few hours earlier, he passionately chronicles his short life experience. Pierce recounts stories of teachers through the years and what he loved most about each of them. Subsequent chapters describe his favorite roller coaster and their corresponding heights. In his final pages, he has listed his strengths and gifts, as I suggested: singing, writing, drawing, and guitar. My heart warms. As he reads, I marvel at how powerful this self-awareness must be for a nine-year-old. This early observation could shape his life, leading him to work hard at applying his strengths to the world around him. How I wish I’d begun at his age, not waiting until my mid-thirties. Isn’t this where the search for meaning begins? This act of naming what we loved and felt confident in as mere children? Pierce was addressing the most basic human questions: Do I matter? Did the hands that formed my existence do it intentionally? Was it purposed? Carefully crafted? If so, what was the point? Why are we so different, unique in our ways of loving and giving and living? Such questions stir our soul’s deepest parts, with a faint flicker of hope that more waits to be discovered. This undercurrent longs to surface and capsize our lives in order to reorder them. It bubbles and gurgles and finally washes over us like an early morning wave against the rocks. And we let it. We surrender to it, because something in it wakes us up. We are reminded of a chord that seems vaguely familiar and yet so far away. We are sensing and seizing things in a new way. Shining moments begin to burst on the horizon. Single moments of feeling fully alive to know that we’ve been sleeping all along. Maybe it is a song or a phrase that resonates so deeply it wakes us. We are grateful to still be able to express that kind of passion. And once our imaginations are triggered, we will not go back.

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broke through your ordinary day and brought you to your knees? How long have you been shackled in bondage, where the wounds are too great? The new normal is a life of survival. And survival means that dreams die. Whoever said that life is not big enough for all God’s fullness? What lies have we believed that said we are not worthy? That He is not capable? Are there dreams you buried as life went on and disappointment hit? What were they? Write down your earliest dreams. For most of us, God has been weaving a story full of ebbs and flows. The successes and failures, the significant others, mentors, and friends along with the disappointing, confidence-shattering relationships. They all have purpose. Each experience preparing us for the next. You’ve been walking down a path, and at times, your entire life has turned on a dime when you experienced a particular moment. A lesson learned. A dream pursued. These moments lead you to a destination, if you will muster the courage to stare down the road, into the horizon. What have been the major turning points in your life? Write down the turning points in your life. We all have talents. Sometimes hidden and other times on display for everyone to see. Often we don’t feel confident enough to affirm them ourselves. We need others to name them for us. These birthright gifts were given to us by God. They are what makes us uniquely ourselves. But if we don’t dig them up, brush them off, and put them to use, we may never know what God intended for us to do. Write down your talents. Try to list at least three or four. Search for the greatest burdens buried in your heart. What keeps you up at night and shakes you awake in the morning? What makes you cry, and what makes you dance? Look for the moments when you feel most afraid or when the injustices you see around you stir up anger. For me, my greatest fear was mental illness, and my burden was for women who are fading. Write down your greatest burden. I’m reminded of my friend Trina, who woke to early tremors of her gifting while she had newborns and toddlers in tow. She kept her footing despite having a brood of four children—navigating school projects, sports schedules, potty training, and nursing. This was possible because of her husband’s faithful presence and affirmation. Stephen, a successful entrepreneur himself, filled in 16

I now know that we must start [finding meaning] by remembering...when did your heart [last] sing? Did you lie on your back, barefoot in the meadow at dusk, looking up at the vastness of the stars?...Did you imagine how great you are to God’s heart while feeling so small within this cosmos? Did your spirit soar with a glimpse of heartfelt delight from Him? the gaps, humbling himself to enable his wife to fulfill her God-given gifts. He understood that having a fully alive wife and mother meant a home that would brim with joy. His role of co-parenting gave her breathing room to fulfill her calling to write and design. He encouraged her to develop her talents through creating a new blog and curating images she loved. As a result, her La La Lovely blog was born. The same is true for me. Through my seasons of discovery and creativity, Gabe has sacrificed time to help me move forward. He has cared for the children and stayed home certain nights or weekend days, giving me the space I needed to create. We co-labor together, giving of ourselves so that each of us will flourish the way God intends. If you aren’t married, or if your husband isn’t willing to offer his support, the journey may be more difficult (particularly for single moms). But it’s not impossible. Look for a trusted friend—a person who believes in you—who encourages you along the way. Someone on speed dial to process with on days you question whether this journey is worth it. If we are going to fly, we can’t do it alone. Note those in your life who will help you on this journey. As women, we understand each other best. We know the unique struggles we share. Helping each other in this task is critical. What if communities of women began empowering each other to use their gifts? For too long we’ve allowed competitive streaks to strain our bond. Whether it’s the “perfect mom” syndrome or comparing ourselves to a woman who has her children learning French at age three or the soccer mom who delivers her kids right on time to violin, Little League, and ballet rehearsal; one-upping is a costly enterprise. Instead, let’s affirm the God-given gifts we see in each other. Perhaps this act of humble self-giving sets us free to fly. We must call out and name the gifts we see in each other. We must speak up and encourage our loved ones when we see them coming alive. I’m convinced God wants to use you to bring someone else’s gifts to life. Excerpted from Freefall to Fly ©2013 by Rebekah Lyons, Tyndale House Publishers. Used with permission.

Encounter Your

Favorite Bible Stories in a FRESH, IMAGINATIVE Way.

25 Readings on the Birth of Christ

PERFECT for ADVENT

40 Readings on Jesus’ Life and Ministry

31 Readings Through Acts

PERFECT for LENT PERFECT for ANY MONTH

These three dynamic retellings from Russ Ramsey explore the narrative arc of the Bible from Genesis through Revelation in compelling language that is faithful to the text of Scripture. Written in short chapters, the stories are told afresh to help readers hide God’s word in their hearts by way of their imagination.

“What better way to prepare our hearts for Christmas than to do what Russ has done so well in The Advent of the Lamb of God—rehearse the magnificent story that begins centuries before, the magnificent story woven through all of the Bible.”

SALLY LLOYD-JONES , author of The Jesus Storybook Bible “Ramsey has written a narrative that captures the life of Jesus so vividly, at times you’ll wonder if he sat down and spoke with all the people involved in the story.”

TRILLIA NEWBELL , author of United

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rams ey forewo

rd by

sCOt t sau ls

in Nashville. He is the author of Struck and was awarded the 2016 Christian Book Award from the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association. He lives with his wife and four children. ivpress.com

One On

Chri stia n’s

refl eCti Ons enCO unte ring Deat h

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rams ey

Russ Ramsey is a pastor at Christ Presbyterian Church

A L S O AVA I L A B L E

Making a Difference Melva Henderson is passionately pursuing Jesus and living out her legacy of faith.

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by Shelly Esser

faith conversations

Melva Henderson can’t remember a time when she didn’t love Jesus.

JBU: Tell us about your grandmother. Melva: She has been the most influential person in my life. I grew up all my life wishing I had my mom, wishing I had my dad—but always—I had my grandmother. She was my mentor. She only finished the sixth grade, but she walked deeply with God and was a pillar in her church. She poured her life into mine. Going into her home, you didn’t really have a choice. It was Jesus or nothing at all. So I grew up in church and in a home where God was always honored. I joke if I was born on a Saturday; I was in church on Sunday! By age 12, there was a hunger in my heart to know more about God, to make my faith my own. By this time, my birth mother had come to Christ and come home, so she took my brother and me to a citywide Crusade for Christ. I had never heard of anything like that before. When the altar call was made, I walked down to make Jesus the Lord of my life.

JBU: How did God change you after that? Melva: Although I have made some mistakes in my life, from that day forward I never looked back. I can’t remember a day when I wasn’t conscious of my relationship with God after that. Even when I was living in sin in college. I was the girl who would be at the bar making everybody else miserable because I was crying, “God’s not pleased.”

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When you ask her about the start of that love, her big beautiful brown eyes begin to sparkle. She quickly takes you back to her growing up years sitting at her grandmother, Sadie Monroe’s feet, gleaning every bit of wisdom she could get to face whatever she was going through at the time. When talking about her spiritual journey, she talks admiringly about the woman responsible for it all—her grandmother, “Ma’ma” as Melva affectionately called her. You can feel the deep love and connection the two of them had, as Melva’s face lights up just remembering her, and it quickly becomes evident that Melva’s grandmother has been the single most significant person in her life. Over 55 years ago, Melva and her twin brother were born into less than ideal circumstances. It was her grandmother who made a decision that forever changed the course of their lives—and was ultimately used to introduce Melva to a faith that has only deepened through the years—and is now making a difference in people’s lives all over the world, making them a mighty force for the kingdom. “At birth, my mom left my twin brother and me at the hospital because as a teen mother she couldn’t take care of us. She was planning to put us up for adoption. The Lord spoke clearly to my grandmother that she was to take us home to raise as her own children.” Melva’s grandmother was due to have her own baby 21 days later, but she knew without a doubt that God wanted her to raise Melva, her brother Marvin, and Melva’s “aunt” Pat as triplets. So that’s what she did. Melva never imagined she’d have an international teaching ministry one day. But when her hunger for God’s Word exploded, she came to understand that the “inner knowing” she had from her earliest recollections—that she was “not to live her life unto herself ”—meant that God had a unique calling on her life. And sitting at her grandmother’s feet was the catalyst for learning about living a life of faith and eventually committing her life to love and train others to do the same as a dynamic speaker and author.

Today, Melva is on a mission to see people’s lives transformed by the Word of God and discipleship. Her passion is contagious. She’s drawing people into a deeper relationship with God as president and founder of World Bible Training Institute in Milwaukee, Wis., where Christian leaders from all over the world are trained and discipled for ministry. Additionally, she co-pastors at their church, World Outreach Center, with her husband Pastor Ervin “Skip” who she’s been married to for 25 years. In 2007, she started The Little Feet of Mexico and The Milwaukee Give, both humanitarian efforts aimed at providing food and clothing to the poor in the city. Melva is also host of Discipling the Nations radio and television broadcasts. In addition, she is the mother of five adult children and grandmother of four. Recently, JBU had the privilege of sitting down with Melva to talk about the power of one woman’s influence and her passion to live a life in love with Jesus and people.

faith conversations

I love the relationship between Oprah and her best friend Gayle. When Oprah made her first couple of million dollars, she turned around and gave Gayle one million dollars because she wanted her to feel what it felt like to be a millionaire. When you walk closely with someone, they download their treasures into your life, so I want to listen to godly women like my grandmother— women who know God and walk with Him deeply. Through them God can teach us some things about life.

Melva with her grandmother.

I knew that I was some place that God didn’t want me to be. How was I going to make a difference in a bar? At 21, my relationship with the Lord went deeper when I surrendered completely to Him and His plan for my life.

JBU: What are some things your grandmother taught you that have shaped you today? Melva: How to love people. “Linny, (that’s what she called me), you’ve got to love people,” she would say. “I don’t care what they do or say about you, just love them.” And it was through her example that I learned the power of prayer. I would walk by her bedroom every night and there she would be on her knees. She was an amazing woman who always made God a priority.

JBU: How can mothers and grandmothers influence their children in the faith? Melva: Through a consistency in their own walk with God. We often say, “Faith is better caught than taught.” If what we have in our personal relationship with the Father doesn’t translate to something our children can tangibly see and experience, then they won’t buy into it. Nothing is more powerful than having my children watch me walk through difficult times knowing only God could have brought me through. And although many children take paths opposite of their upbringing, when moms and grandmothers are consistently walking the walk and talking the talk, it leaves a mark on them that not even the world can erase.

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JBU: How can women develop mentoring relationships like you had with your grandmother? Melva: Everyone needs someone speaking into their life to guide them along the way. This next generation has Google and, unfortunately, they think Google replaces the wisdom of the age. It doesn’t. Throughout my life, I sat at my grandmother’s feet, listening to her tell me the same stories over and over again. When I was 18 she said, “You may catch me in knowledge, but you will never catch me in wisdom, because I’ve lived longer and I’ve experienced more. I’ve been where you are trying to go.” Every woman needs someone to speak into their life who’s been where they’re trying to go.

JBU: How have you known that your life was always about making a difference? Melva: I’ve just always had this inner knowing that I wasn’t to live my life for myself. That I was supposed to give it away, so I positioned myself for that. My prayer was, “I want what You want for me. I want to go where You want me to go. I’ll do what You want me to do.” I’ve been praying that all my Christian life.

JBU: Have there ever been moments where you’ve thought, “Lord, I’m just not qualified; I can’t do these things you’ve called me to do?” Melva: It’s something I fight almost every day. Then I remember what 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.” I use this verse to remind myself that to every vocation there’s an equal allocation of grace. When I’ve gotten into that place, I often say to God, “I didn’t give this to myself. You gave this to me. I don’t know why, but you gave this to me—whether it’s a desire to reach a people, reach a nation, reach a city, write a book, or preach a sermon—You gave this to me. Now give me the wisdom to walk this out for Your glory.”

JBU: What do you do when fear holds you back? Melva: Do it afraid with your knees knocking and your heart pounding. Step into it because as we step into where God leads us the doors open. And fear only has the power to stop us if we yield to it. I’ve gotten to a place where I recognize fear because it tries to creep into my life in some form or fashion almost every day.

JBU: How do you combat it? Melva: I lean on God, I look to the Word, and I keep stepping. Because it’s a walk. To lead a fearless life means you have to live dependent on the

faith conversations

Holy Spirit. Totally dependent on Him. “Lord, you told me to come, like you told Peter, so I’ll step out on that one word.” He’s always there. And so each step past fear gives me the strength to step past greater fears.

JBU: How did you develop such a love for God’s Word? Melva: When I was a student in Bible school in 1991, I discovered John 15:7 where Jesus said, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you” (ESV). In the verses before that, Jesus said, “I am the true Vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.” Here, He’s talking about abiding in Him. I saw that Jesus and the Word were synonymous. I realized that if you want to flourish, you’ve got to commit yourself to God’s Word. Jesus went on to say in John 14:23 that when you come to me, my Father and I will come and we will sup with you. I was thinking, “How does that happen?” It has to happen through the Word. I wanted to sup with the Father and I wanted to sup with the Son, so I made a commitment to the Word. It’s the Word of God that will give us the answers for our lives.

JBU: How can we keep a life-long rhythm in the Word? Melva: That nasty word discipline. The world, technology, our phones, our iPad—they’re all screaming for our time and attention, so you have to make up your mind that God’s Word will be a priority. My grandmother would always say, “‘You have to have a made up mind’ that God is going to be first in your life.” So every day I look to God. I discipline myself even when I don’t feel like it. Paul puts it so well in 1 Cor. 9:27, “I beat down my body;” another version says, “I buffet my body.” In other words, I make my body do what it’s supposed to be doing. What I know it should be doing. It’s a discipline. Thirty years ago, I started getting up very early in the morning to pray. You are talking about discipline. Every morning I wake up and prepare myself to talk to God. I start by looking at my Bible and praying.

Melva: I always start with one of the Proverbs— there are 31. Then I read the prayers of Paul every morning (Ephesians 1:14-23; Ephesians 3:17-21; Colossians 1:9; and Philippians 1:9). I start with Ephesians where Paul is saying, “I want God to give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation, and the knowledge of Him. I want God to open the eyes of your understanding so that you’ll know the hope of His calling.” Then in Ephesians 3:18, he says, you need to understand what is the breath, length, width, and height of God’s love. If I’m conscious of the fact that God’s love is in me, no matter what goes on in my life, I have the capacity to love people in spite of what they do. Phillipians tells me that I have a supply of the Spirit, so that I can do the work of God. If there’s something going on in my life, some trouble in my heart, then I look up verses of Scripture to help me with that. Once I get my heart full of the Word, I start praying, so I’m praying the answer.

JBU: Is there a time where you experienced God’s Word in an especially powerful way? Melva: The passing of my grandmother two years ago. (She was 90.) I don’t know if there’s anything that’s affected my life like her death. It took me two years just to get to the place where I could imagine living my life without her. And because I wasn’t raised with my father or my mother, my grandmother was my family. For a while, I pulled away from everything and started just existing. My decline was fast—filled with confusion, fear, and turmoil. But I really believe that all of the years of storing the Word of God in my heart carried me through. One day in my grief, the Lord said to me as clear as day that He would be my Father. Psalm 68:5 says, “He is a father to the fatherless.” It was that word from the Lord that pulled me out of the pit. To know that God would be my Father and I wouldn’t be alone changed my life. I also realized that Jesus carried my grief—and I was grieving. He encouraged me in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” And so I gave myself permission to grieve, which helped me so much, and deciding to trust God to be my Father changed everything.

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Nothing is more powerful than having my children watch me walk through difficult times knowing only God could have brought me through. And although many children take paths opposite of their upbringing, when moms and grandmothers are consistently walking the walk and talking the talk, it leaves a mark on them that not even the world can erase.

JBU: What does your Bible reading look like?

faith conversations

JBU: What do you say to women going through a wilderness experience like yours? Melva: Never lose sight of the Fatherhood of God. There is no Father like Him. That truth is what made me whole. He will never leave you.

JBU: How does fasting deepen your spiritual hunger for God? Melva: Every Tuesday is my Sabbath, my day of rest where I unplug from the world and make my family my priority. I don’t go on Facebook, I don’t go on social media, and I don’t answer emails or text messages. I disconnect because sometimes things are coming at me so fast I can’t even have a complete thought. I want to be able to make wise decisions. I want to be able to execute my life in a mature and strategic way, so fasting from technology as a spiritual discipline is definitely a must. God rested and took one day and ceased from labor. We’re not greater than God. We need a day where we’re unplugging, unwinding, and fasting from technology and food. It’s a wonderful way to maintain health and to rest your mind. It’s a time to tell your flesh to be quiet so you can listen exclusively to God today. It takes discipline to do that and intentionally shut down. There’s that word again. Whether it’s fasting from technology, food, or people—whatever you’re pulling yourself away from—you pull away to draw near to. I’m doing it for the purpose of going to God so that I can keep my life before Him and allow the rest of the world to hush. I’m pulling peace to my soul and everything I need to be a whole person.

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JBU: How can women use their gifts to make a difference in the world? Melva: First, verse yourself in Scripture. Then keep your gifting before God and allow Him to continually train you and develop you to minister to people. Be intentional about using your gift and start where you are. First in Jerusalem, then Judea, then Samaria, and then to the uttermost parts of the earth. For some of you, the Jerusalem may be your children. You start wherever it is that God has called and commissioned you to be. I’m sure the mothers of our Presidents had no idea when they were at home that they would be raising a future president of the United States. But they were. No matter what you find yourself doing, recognize that God has equipped you with the necessary tools to change a nation, and your “nation”

No matter what you find yourself doing, recognize that God has equipped you with the necessary tools to change a nation, and your “nation” can be between your own two feet, like my grandmother’s was. Know that you’ve got the goods to touch people’s lives no matter where you are, no matter your background, ethnicity, or socio-economic background. can be between your own two feet, like my grandmother’s was. Know that you’ve got the goods to touch people’s lives no matter where you are, no matter your background, ethnicity, or socio-economic background—know that wherever God has placed you, He put you there because you have the “goods” to make a difference.

JBU: What worries you about women today? Melva: A lack of intimacy with God. We need to continually pull away from the rest of the world and give God our lives. Love Him with your life. No compromising. There’s a lot of compromise in the church today. First Peter 1:16, says “Be holy, because I am holy.” We can’t compromise on holiness. Another concern is division. It seems like everybody’s focus is on me, my, and there’s not enough focus on “we.” We need to think about others before ourselves. That’s what I’ve been praying about. We need love, love, love, love as my grandmother so wisely taught me. We are to walk in the love of God. It’s not about you; it’s about the people you’ve been called to.

JBU: What encouragement do you want to leave us? Melva: Believe in yourself. Believe that God’s called you. Believe that His Spirit resides in you. Believe that you’ve been forgiven. Believe that you can be healed and whole. Believe that He can be trusted. Believe that He’s got your life in His hands, and that if you yield to Him, He will really take care of you. God is safe. It doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen, because we live in a fallen, broken world with fallen, broken people. But God is good and He will take care of you no matter what. Shelly Esser is editor of Just Between Us. She and her husband have four daughters and a son-in-law and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis. For more information about Melva’s ministry and an upcoming women’s conference (see ad on page 41), go to melvahenderson.org.

Developing the Life and Faith of Believers Worldwide As a teenager, God began working on Melva’s heart impressing on her the inescapable calling that her life would be used to pour out into others. As a young girl, she had a huge heart for God, and a prayer that said, “I’ll do what you want me to do.” Today, as a result of that hunger for God and willingness to say yes, He has called her, alongside her husband “Skip,” to a worldwide ministry with the focus of developing the faith of believers. Together, they are training thousands of leaders both inside and outside the church with the aim of making disciples and taking the gospel into places without it as the hands and feet of Jesus. Here is what God is doing around the world through their ministry: • World Outreach Center. Melva and her husband are founding co-pastors of this growing church in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. • World Bible Training Institute is an accredited Bible school offering associate and bachelor degrees in Christian studies. It trains up leaders in churches and para-churches around the world. • Multi-Media Ministry which includes a publishing arm of books, Bible studies, and discipleship materials, and they host Discipling the Nations, a radio and TV outreach to millions of people around the world. • Humanitarian Efforts. Melva and Skip founded both The Little Feet of Mexico, which is an outreach program providing shoes for children in poverty-stricken villages of Mexico, and Milwaukee Give, which has fed and clothed tens of thousands of people in the inner city of Milwaukee and surrounding areas. • Women’s Ministries. To help women thrive in all areas of their lives, there is a SOAR Women’s Mentorship Program and an annual women’s worship conference (see details for conference on page 41). • Prayer Ministries. The School of Prayer equips people with tools to effectively pray, along with other opportunities for prayer.

To find out more about Melva’s ministry, go to melvahenderson.org. ~ Shelly Esser

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• Prison Ministry. An outreach to bring the love and hope of Jesus to those who are incarcerated.

FOR

HOLY MOMENTS MARTHAS

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Accepting God’s blessed interruptions.

by Cherilyn Dahlsten

I have been a Martha all my life. Marthas get stuff done. In fact, we often base our whole identity on what we do. We like to think that’s how we’re wired. So what can we learn from the following passage? Luke 10:38-42 says, “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’” “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” Did you see that it was Martha who noticed that Jesus was in town and might need a place to stay and eat? We Marthas are great at noticing the needs of others and knowing that we can help meet that need. We are often great at hospitality. If you are like me, you sometimes think that hospitality needs to be perfect, or at least close to perfection. We also like to honor other people with our gifts. When the man who is the Messiah stops by, no PB & 24

J is going to cut it! In our minds, there are now a multitude of “preparations that have to be made.” Stop a moment and think about this phrase from the passage: “Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.” The Bible doesn’t say that these preparations were unnecessary. For everyone to eat later, they had to be made. After all, there was no fast food drive-through or grocery store with a 12-piece chicken basket. If Martha had gone back to the kitchen and finished preparing the meal while Jesus taught, she would be able to come in and be the hero in that moment. We Marthas like to be the hero. But at what cost? She almost missed the holy moment when God in the flesh says to us, “I’ll like you even if you disappoint all these other people. I want you more than I want your gifts, as beautiful as they are. I long to share my heart with you and hear yours.”

goodnight and snuggle a while when you are looking forward to getting a few things done before collapsing into bed. As a Martha, I can be very black-or-white, all or nothing. The Lord is reminding me, “I am not asking you to change the way you are wired, but to just enter into the holiness of this moment that is right in front of you. Can you see it? It is beautiful. Set aside your agenda, your identity that is based on doing and achieving, and your thoughts that are running away with concerns about how it will all get done. Enter into this holy moment, and I promise it will all work out. You will find rest for your soul here, as well as joy and strength.” We Marthas must always look for balance. We want to be able to justify our importance and ability to “get ‘er done,” often at the expense of developing an intimate relationship with our Savior or even other people. Jesus is inviting all Marthas to be promoted from servant to friend and then to bride. He is not changing His mind about how He made us. He is simply inviting us to become the best version of ourselves. This version of ourselves knows our value to our heavenly Father is in being, not doing. When we receive that value from Him, we can extend it to others. Then we see them the way Christ sees them. We can allow ourselves to slow down and be Jesus to them. When we enter into a holy moment with them, our Father smiles and joins us in that holy moment. It’s then that we enter the kingdom of heaven where there are no cares, no worries, and no problems to solve—only the sufficiency of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We take that holy moment with us, and it sustains and delights us . . . as we Marthas get back to work! Cherilyn Dahlsten is the author of Hey Mom, I’ll Start Dinner and several children’s Bible studies. Additionally, she works as an IT project manager for a multi-site retirement community. She is married to Mark and has four sons, ages 12 to 25, and lives in Hesston, Kan.

SET ASIDE YOUR AGENDA, YOUR IDENTITY THAT IS BASED ON DOING AND ACHIEVING, AND YOUR THOUGHTS THAT ARE RUNNING AWAY WITH CONCERNS ABOUT HOW IT WILL ALL GET DONE. ENTER INTO THIS HOLY MOMENT, AND I PROMISE IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOUL HERE, AS WELL AS JOY AND STRENGTH. 25

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I love that Jesus seems to give Martha permission to join them in front of everyone. We Marthas seem to need permission to disappoint ourselves and others. If you are a Martha, you know what I mean. We say things like, “I am really trying to meet your deadline but so many other things have come up.” We want the other person to say, “Please give yourself another couple of days. It will be fine.” But they rarely do. When they don’t, we tend to play the martyr, just like Martha. When we get in over our head, we say: “Lord, don’t you care that my sister or husband, kids, co-worker, or friend) has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! Can’t you see I’m short-staffed? Can’t you see my child is ill? Can’t you see the unusual circumstances that arose that were not in my original plan?” We Marthas really want people to notice how hard we are working. When our work is not valued, we feel diminished, invisible, and unappreciated. Yet, Jesus does not define us by what we do. He does not love us because of what we do. He loves us for being us. His number one longing is to connect with our hearts. From this relationship, we will find value, understanding, appreciation, and guidance on who can help us accomplish what God has called us to do without diminishing them. Again from the passage: “And Jesus answered and said unto her, ‘Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her’” (KJV). The Greek word for “careful” is merimnaō, which means to be anxious, troubled with a thing, to care for a thing, and also to seek to promote one’s own interests. Here we identify the heart of the Martha syndrome: We don’t like someone interrupting our plans, even the God of the Universe come in human flesh. We don’t always see that as a good thing. Jesus is saying: “These holy moments, where I show up and want to be with you, they are the most necessary. From them flow everything else. I will never be angry at you or anyone else for taking me up on my invitation.” God wants us to be interruptible. Often, that interruption does not involve doing, but being. Being there for someone with a kind word or a prayer, not the solution to their problem. Being there to share in their joy, and celebrate with them in that moment, not to plan a whole event. To stop in wonder at the goodness of God when your children insist it is you who must kiss them

party

time! Summer is perfect for an outdoor fiesta. Round up some friends and neighbors and go for it!

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by Terry Willits

So you’re embarrassed your living room doesn’t look like the most recent cover of House Beautiful magazine? Perhaps your kitchen countertop is so small it can barely accommodate a mixing bowl, let alone stage a gourmet buffet. Maybe you don’t have enough matching chairs to seat a party of six. Stop the excuses. Fear no more. The summer solution for hospitality is here! Open your back door and entertain “alfresco.” Not Alfredo. Alfresco! Which means (for us hospitality novices) “in the great outdoors or in the open air.” The good news about sharing the outside of your home is you don’t need to fret over the inside. Clear the cobwebs from your front entrance. Give the bathroom a quick wipe down and you’re ready! Greet your guests at the front door and escort them out the back for the party. Of all the things I do, extending hospitality is one of my favorites. I get to spend time with people I enjoy, and never leave home! It also forces me to focus on the task at hand. 26

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed” (NLT). That’s so true! When the party’s over, I feel good knowing I’ve encouraged others. And I’m grateful for friends with whom to share life. Besides all that, the joys of hospitality has actually strengthened my faith. So, ready to give it a try? Start with these tips for some stress-free, summer hospitality. be spontaneous. With our busy schedules, sometimes the best way to gather a few friends is impromptu. If you have a free evening, be impulsive and call some friends or neighbors to come over for a “spur of the moment” supper. Buy subs or have pizza delivered. Recently, my husband and I dropped by on a Sunday afternoon to visit some friends in their new home. They invited us to stay for a casual outdoor supper. We ordered pizza. Our friends whipped up a salad. And another couple came over with a leftover appetizer. It was an unexpected blast! be prepared. Keep beverages and healthy snacks on hand. Stock up on candles and paper goods. Make sure you have adequate charcoal or gas for your grill. We learned this lesson the hard way once when Bill went to light the grill, only to find the tank was empty. I had to broil the chicken instead, even though my oven was already tied up. I was so flustered I ended up burning the dinner rolls in the broiler!

delegate duties. Decide what needs to

When the party’s over, I feel good knowing I’ve

encouraged others. And I’m grateful for friends with whom to share life. every guest brings an ingredient. For dessert, carve up a fresh watermelon or pass out Popsicles. go grill! An outdoor grill’s fragrant aromas help stir your guests’ appetites. Burgers, hot dogs, steaks, and shish kebabs can be cooked up for a crowd. For delicious vegetables, wrap sweet onions or corn on the cob and a dab of butter in heavy-duty foil and toss on the grill. For a sweet treat, skewer up some marshmallows to roast for dessert, or better yet, serve an all-around campground favorite, s’mores. have fun! For a memorable evening, have some type of activity guests can join in as they want. Borrow a croquet set or pick up one at a flea market. Set up a net in the backyard for a game of badminton or volleyball. set the mood with music. Nothing can transform a party atmosphere like music. Think about the mood you want to create and select your music accordingly. We usually play upbeat music as the evening begins and slow it down to jazz or more mellow tunes as the night winds down. bless, don’t impress. My motto for hospitality—actually, in all of life—is to strive to bless, not impress. To bless is to focus on the people, assuring their needs are cared for in my home. I’d rather take a hot bath, relax before a party, and serve a ready-made dessert with joy, than slave in the kitchen baking, and be exhausted when I see company staring at me through the front door. To impress is to focus on myself—worrying about what others will think of me when they come to our home. In 1 Peter 4:9, Peter encourages us to “offer hospitality … without grumbling.” If you find yourself stressed out before the guests arrive, there’s a good chance you may be trying to impress. When was the last time you had a summertime party alfresco? Maybe it’s time to call a few friends or neighbors and say “C’mon over!” Terry Willits has been opening her home along with her husband, Bill, for 32 years. Currently, she runs a retreat center for ministry women in Alpharetta, Ga.

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be done to make the party happen: menu planning, preparing the beverages, cleaning the yard, selecting the music, and setting the table—and who will do it. If you’re not completely ready when guests arrive, let others pitch in. One of the most fun parties we’ve had was intended to be outdoors, but bad weather forced us to move it inside. We were scrambling as a few guests arrived early, so we put them to work. They felt at home and we felt relieved. set the stage. If time allows, cut the grass, and trim the bushes for a nice groomed look and fresh cut fragrance. For a quick splash of color, place a few terra cotta pots filled with flowering plants on your deck or patio. If necessary, bring indoor chairs or tables outside. Use folding tables and chairs or have guests “BYOC”—bring your own chair! Try a cotton quilt for a makeshift tablecloth. Or use blankets on the grass, for a lazy, laid-back picnic on the grounds. light the night. With a jet-black, starfilled sky, the glimmer of twinkling candles can make the evening seem almost magical. I love to place white votive candles in simple Mason jars and line them along our deck’s railing. Keep bugs away, while adding to the ambiance with citronella candles. For a tropical touch, purchase a few tiki torches. They’ll burn for hours and give an instant party feel as guests arrive. Try a simply “sensational” lighting effect and place floating candles in a plastic baby pool. Toss in a few flowers and your guests will think they’re in Hawaii! make it self-service. Use bright-colored, disposable plates, cups, and utensils for a simple, festive party. Toss eating utensils into a child’s beach pail. Throw some beverages on ice in a cooler or galvanized bucket. For a large group, fill a baby pool with ice and beverages. Use a plastic sand shovel as an ice scoop. Try inexpensive terra cotta pots as creative chip containers. Place an outdoor garbage can in a convenient spot for self-service clean up. The easier you make the party, the more “at ease” you, your family, and your friends will be. keep the food simple. Proverbs 15:17 reminds us, “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.” In other words, keep the food simple and enjoy serving others. The menu can be as easy as bringing home potato salad and a bucket of chicken. Or heat up a slow cooker with sloppy joe mix to put on fresh rolls. Or have a chef ’s salad bar where

Want To Be a

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Good M m It begins with total reliance on God. by Laura Story 28

Laura Story with her husband Martin Elvington, twin sons, Ben and Griffin; and daughter, Josie. New baby Timothy (not pictured) was born in March.

This past year, I was invited to speak and lead worship at a conference for moms. I am a bit new to this role, having a four year old and two-year-old twins, but I was willing to share whatever wisdom I had gathered over these brief five years. We loaded up the van early that morning, carrying the sleeping kids from their beds straight to their car seats. After collecting the rest of the band, instruments, and equipment, we were on our way. It wasn’t until we arrived at the conference that I realized I had left behind the kids’ suitcases… and their beds, and their toys, and literally everything they needed for the entire weekend. I had even managed to leave behind their shoes! To make matters worse, one of the twins wasn’t feeling well, and he threw up on me. We’d run to a store and buy more clothes, and then he’d do it again. The cycle just kept repeating itself.

Not sure if you can relate to such an epic mom fail? This one was so blatant and public that one of the child sponsorship programs for the conference jokingly offered to make packets with my kids’ faces on them to display on their table. Needless to say, my seminar had less to do with deep insights I possess as a maternal role model and more about all the ways I am learning to rely on Jesus! What does it take to be a good mom? Is it reading the right books or attending great parenting seminars? These resources can be helpful if they inform us rather than present us with an unrealistic ledger by which to measure our performance. Is the secret in finding good role models to emulate? To the degree that they encourage and inspire you, rather than create an image of perfection from which you constantly fall short, they are helpful. The truth is, it doesn’t take much to make us feel inadequate as a woman, as a wife—and especially as a mom. The good news is that being a good mom isn’t something that hinges on superb baking skills or a supernatural ability to keep our cool when our kids are driving us up the wall. Being a good mom begins with throwing out the paradigm of self-sufficiency and put-togetherness; it begins with embracing our humanity, our brokenness and, most importantly, our inability to be a “good mom.” It begins with throwing ourselves in the arms of Jesus and humbly acknowledging our desperate need for grace. When the church at Philippi was first getting started, they were nothing more than a band of struggling followers. As the very first Christian community in Europe, they sought with zeal to be “good Christians,” even though the calling must have felt beyond what they could grasp. It was to this small group of fledgling disciples that Paul wrote this good news: “The one who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6). There are a few things to notice about this verse. First, if you belong to God and have trusted the finished work of Jesus for your salvation, God has begun a good work in you. Despite your background, your childhood, and your maternal instinct (or lack thereof), God is committed to making you a great mom.

Reliance on God

Surrender to God

Second, Paul reminds us that this good work God is doing in us is still in progress. Other translations of this passage use “perform” or “perfect.” Guess who is the one performing and perfecting? Not us, but God the Father. The perfect embodiment of love, grace, wisdom, and every quality we long to exhibit as parents is persevering with us in our failure, and continuing to mold us into His image. How does this perfecting take place? Through prayer, by reading His Word, and by building relationships with other moms who are striving to know Him deeper. It begins with letting ourselves off the hook. He doesn’t call us to be perfect; He calls us to be surrendered.

Growing Up Together in Christ

Lastly, we must remember that we are both on this journey—as parent and child—to become mature followers of Christ. We were set on this earth not to show our kids what the perfect mom looks like, but to point them toward a perfect Holy God. What will my children learn from me about faith? What will they learn about humility and repentance? I will never forget the first time I had to ask my four-yearold, Josie, for forgiveness. She was eighteen months old and had gone to the upstairs bathroom to wash her hands. Before we knew it, the sink was clogged and there was a stream of water coming out of our downstairs ceiling fan. My reaction? I completely lost my temper, yelled at her, and later had to repent. I asked for her forgiveness and told her that Mommy is still learning how to be a Mommy. Most importantly, I told her how thankful I was that God delights in showing grace to all His children, those who do hundreds of dollars of damage to a home and those who respond in anger to their children. Let go of trying to be a “good mom.” Stop looking to those around you as the standard and start looking to God the Father as the author and perfecter of your faith. He is doing a good work in you and that work does not hinge on your faithfulness, but on His. Laura Story is a singer, songwriter, and author. Additionally, she is worship leader at Perimeter Church in Atlanta, Ga. She and her husband, Martin, have four children. Excerpt taken from Laura’s blog (laurastorymusic.com). Used with permission.

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First Timothy tells us He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. Every life that has ever begun to grow in a womb and every child placed in a home through foster care or adoption is placed there by God. You are not a mom by mistake, whether you planned your pregnancy or not. God has chosen you to be a mom, and He is working in you to make you a great mom. In order to recognize this work, we must acknowledge that the great mom God is calling us to be may look different from what our culture tells us. Being a great mom doesn’t mean feeding your kids only free-range meat or having the right answers to your five year old’s endless list of questions. It doesn’t even mean always making the right decisions about the parties your middle schooler wants to attend. The most outstanding characteristic of a godly mom is a total reliance on God.

I was recently talking to a young couple who are considering having children, but are reticent due to their own dysfunctional families. When they shared in all vulnerability their fears of making mistakes and failing as parents, my comforting response was, “Oh, don’t worry! You totally will. You will blow it big time. You’re gonna make so many mistakes and fail in ways you can’t even imagine!” While it probably wasn’t the answer they were looking for, I reminded them that feelings of “not being enough” point to the reality that God doesn’t tell us we have to be enough, because He is enough. As with any endeavor in which God calls us to step out in faith, He never leaves us alone in it. He is with us always.

4 steps you can take to focus on the positives. by Sherri Langton

whine worship

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TAKING THE OUT OF I have committed many Scripture verses to memory. Philippians 2:14 isn’t one of them. “Do everything without complaining or arguing” conveniently slipped from sight whenever I read Philippians. Yet recently an evangelist parked on it during a church revival meeting. I squirmed. Oh, come on. Can’t Christians express their opinions? The speaker wasn’t addressing opinions but complaints about the church—from people like me. I had a running list: repetitious music, annoying people—even the revival itself. We just had a revival earlier this year, I noted. Why do we need another one? Nearly every Sunday I refreshed the list with the latest irritations and recited it to friends and 30

family. I had to admit that I’d become a pro at complaining. But since hearing that speaker, God has been teaching me the cure for it.

1 CONFESS TO GOD.

Complaining isn’t a harmless sport; it’s serious sin. Paul wrote, “And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel” (1 Cor. 10:10). The men who spied out Canaan had returned to Israel’s camp and reported that the Promised Land had giants. Knowing they would be squashed once they entered Canaan, the people grumbled (Num. 14:2). Besides this, more than once the Israelites surveyed post-Exodus conditions (Ex. 15:22-24; 16:2-3, 7, et al.) and concluded that the past never looked so good. Death in Egypt would have been better than defeat in Canaan (Ex. 16:3; Num. 14:2). What Moses said to the people echoed the conviction in me: “You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD” (Ex. 16:8).

After reading these Old Testament passages, I understood that my complaints weren’t against conditions and believers in the church body but against God Himself. Weary of wandering in my own wilderness of unrest and irritability, I asked Him to forgive me.

2 SHARE MY COMPLAINTS WITH GOD.

While God frowned on my spreading a bad report among fellow believers, He urged me to vent my frustrations to Him alone. I gathered this from two well-known verses: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil. 4:6). “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Pet. 5:7). Though Paul and Peter specify anxiety here, the same principle applies to complaints. Like anxiety, their erosion is too great and their weight too heavy. I must share them with God. As I do this, Jesus comes alongside me as High Priest, not criticizing but sympathizing with my weakness (Heb. 4:15). His is on a throne of grace where I receive mercy (v. 16). Sometimes I ask trusted Christians to pray with me. Or when others confide in me about their frustrations at church, I intercede for them. Since I’ve been doing this, my thoughts have changed: I’m sure the church leaders are praying about their decisions. They’re trying to honor God, not make me miserable. Maybe I feel this way not because they’re doing something wrong, but because I don’t like change. Such thoughts are part of God’s peace guarding my mind and heart as I entrust my complaints to Him (Phil. 4:7).

3 DWELL ON THE POSITIVES.

Constantly repeating a church’s flaws isn’t a healthy pastime. Paul says, “whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy” [about the church], I’m to think on these things (Phil. 4:8). I wonder how conversations with others would improve if I spent more time dwelling on what the church has done right. This congregation is where grace and mercy became realities in my heart. It’s where biblical truth is preached from the pulpit. Older saints in this local body model a lifestyle of prayer and perseverance under trial. Thanks to their examples, my prayers and trust in God have deepened during personal crises. My craving for the Word began in this church. I’ve developed “ears to hear” the sermons, inviting the swift slice of conviction to penetrate my heart. God has expanded my gifts in music ministry and taught me the meaning of genuine worship. When I put my mind to it, much about the church is excellent and praiseworthy. The more I think on my spiritual milestones because of this group of believers, the less I notice its flaws.

4 KEEP MY EYES FIXED ON JESUS.

Sherri Langton is associate editor of the Bible Advocate magazine and Now What? E-zine. She is an award-winning freelance writer whose work has appeared in Focus on the Family, In Touch, Upper Room, Today’s Christian Woman, and other publications. Sherri has also contributed to book collections. She lives in Denver, Colo. This article was originally printed in the May-June 2008 issue of Discipleship Journal.

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Sometime ago, our pastor distributed bracelets printed with the letters E. F. O. J.—Eyes Fixed on Jesus—a creative reminder of where my focus should be. I dismissed it as a gimmick. But that little bracelet had it right. Complaining had turned my eyes away from Jesus to people and peeves. “Why don’t you quit the music ministry?” a diabolical voice whispered in my ear. “Nobody understands how you feel. Why don’t you find another church?”

Complaining had also affected my love for Jesus. I realized this while chewing on the link between complaining and Revelation 2:4: “You have forsaken your first love.” Had I? My heart’s bubbling over sins forgiven, it’s burning while in His presence, it’s bursting over answers to prayer—these were still intact. But absent in the climate of complaints were commitment and surrender—the go-anywhere, do-anything heartbeat that defines the depth of love for Christ. Had I kept my eyes on Jesus, I would have seen Him setting His face toward Jerusalem, the very place of His suffering (Luke 9:51). I would have watched His determined march to that city leading to Gethsemane and an agonizing prayer of surrender to God (Matt. 26:39). This was not an easy prayer for me, and it didn’t come instantly. Over time, however, I turned from complaints and committed myself to march forward in the church God had called me to. To this day, I ask Him to “renew a steadfast spirit in me” (Ps. 51:10) when I want to quit. The more I do this, the more I regard complaining not as a right but as a weight I must strip off in order to reach the finish line (Heb. 12:1). That finish line might not be too far away. Jesus is preparing a place for me (John 14:2). When He shakes off heaven and puts out the welcome mat, my complaints will vanish. In keeping my eyes on Jesus instead of grumbling, I’ll be preparing for my first love while He’s preparing for me. Am I completely cured of chronic complaining about the church? I wish. But I’m not the same as before either. Staff members have acted on some concerns I’ve prayed about. The church board provided an open forum for the congregation so members could discuss several issues, which were reported to the senior pastor. And I’m learning that often my complaints are opinions, not absolutes worth fighting for. Nowadays when my spirit rebels over something I don’t like at church, Philippians 2:14 drifts into my thoughts and quiets the agitation. The Holy Spirit is adding it to my memory by sheer repetition. It’s His way of nudging me back to my first love—and keeping me there.

COFFEE W IT H

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e o l h C Invest in the lives of students— you’ll be transformed and so will they! by Krista Heinen

er than I am able to keep up with. What if more of us were willing to say “yes?” The impact for the kingdom would be profound.

5 SIMPLE STEPS FOR INVESTING IN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE AGE STUDENTS 1 SAY YES! If a student invites you to coffee, find a way

to make time. You may be incredibly busy, but if that is the case, simply tell the student, “My answer is ‘yes,’ but it will have to be in a few weeks or next month.” You are still communicating their value while not compromising your current commitments.

2 BE INTENTIONAL. My coffees with students are

truly fun for me. If I’m not careful, I can get caught up chatting about our weeks the entire time, and later realize I’ve completely forgotten to draw the conversation back to God. A simple way to make sure you are intentionally investing is by going through a book together. I recommend The Me I Want to Be (teen edition) as a great starter book to study together. Mix books about faith and God in with books from the Bible. You will be amazed how much these students notice in Scripture when you read through a couple chapters at a time.

3 BE PREPARED. If you are reading a book together,

you need to have the book read, too. It is okay to have expectations for your time together, and it is good to hold your student to those expectations, as long as you apply them to yourself as well.

4 LISTEN AND ASK QUESTIONS. At least

half your time, if not two-thirds, should be spent listening instead of talking. Really pay attention during these times. Listen for patterns or things that stand out to you. Once you identify something, refrain from giving advice, and instead try to formulate a question. Allow the student to come to the conclusion on her own. She is much more likely to remember if the idea is hers and not yours.

5 PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. Each time I meet

with a student, I always end in prayer. Even in public, I pray over them and what is on their hearts. After our time together, I pray for that student as often as I think of her, bringing her before the Father and asking Him to make His presence known in her life. You may be thinking, “Okay, great Krista, that sounds really nice, but I don’t even know where to find a high school or college student!” That’s easy; simply look to your church. If you want to invest in the lives of students, I don’t know of a single student minister who would turn you down. More high school and college age students are walking away from the faith than ever before. Half of high school students abandon their faith in college. Half! Your investment could be the very thing to make a lasting, lifelong difference. So get out there and find yourself a Chloe! Krista Heinen is a pastor who desires to help the next generation understand their place in God’s story. She has her B.S. in elementary education from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and her M. Div. from Bethel Seminary. She and her husband, Greg, live in New Berlin,Wis.

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My high school and college years were some of the hardest of my life. I was “awkward,” to put it nicely. I didn’t have many friends and could often be found in the library, reading fiction. Now, years later, I still approach students in this age group with trepidation, fearing they can see right through me and sense my un-coolness. Wouldn’t God just have it that this is the group He has called me to come alongside in life? Last year during my coursework at Bethel Seminary, I was required to gather a team around me who would walk with me in ministry. We developed a handful of goals I would pursue over the next year. Two of the goals were that I would find someone to mentor, and that I would spend more time investing in the lives of high school and college age students. The year began, my team prayed, and nothing happened. I secretly decided that meant God didn’t like these silly goals either. Then, all of a sudden, along came Chloe. Chloe was a high school student I knew from working at a summer camp together, and we ran into each other at church from time to time. The relationship started simply with a text, “Are you able to do coffee on Monday?” That was it. Chloe texted asking if I wanted to grab coffee, and I said “yes.” Coffee with Chloe has changed who I am. We began by chatting. Like any typical teenager, Chloe had a ton going on, so we would spend the whole time catching up on her life. I realized it was going to take intentionality if I wanted these times to be centered on Jesus, so I suggested we read a book together. I had no idea how it would go, or if it would work. In fact, I had never even read the book I suggested. (I wouldn’t recommend that in the future!) We met regularly, and we talked about the book. And we both grew in our relationship with God. There are days I think Chloe may have taught me more about God than I have taught her. We each read our book separately, and when we came together, we would just jump from underlined section to starred note and back again. Chloe mostly drove the conversation. I listened and asked questions, as I was able. Something amazing happened: God showed up. It was barely noticeable at first, but by the time we finished the book, I could see the change in Chloe. She was growing in her faith, and God was rewarding the time she was diligently putting in to learn and stretch herself. Chloe—this beautiful, driven, and exciting high school senior—was developing into a young adult before my eyes. And God graciously allowed me to play a part in her story. Who is your Chloe? In this age of social media and technology, high school and college age students need us more than ever before. They need someone who has gone before them to come alongside them and draw them to the throne of God. Since I began walking with Chloe, I’ve adopted a new life policy: whenever someone asks to get coffee, I always say “yes.” I know this is not a goal-oriented use of my time. It flies in the face of strategists and leaders everywhere encouraging using our time to only advance the “most important” things in life, but what could be more important than investing in the younger generation? They are going to have to navigate a more difficult world that is advancing fast-

HEALING FROM OUR Dysfunctional

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PAST I couldn’t wait to get out. By the time I was 16, I was counting down the days until I could leave home. On the outside, I looked fine. I was thriving in high school, but no one, including myself, fully knew the toll that growing up in a dysfunctional family had taken on me. Both my parents grew up in alcoholic, physically abusive families, and so as often happens, my father became an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic and my mother a codependent. When I left home for college, I went as far away as I could convince my parents to let me go, but I don’t think they knew that I was running away from them. When I finally escaped, I thought I was free—free to leave my past behind and seize the unscripted future in front of me. As a believer, I thought faith, grit, and intelligence was all I needed to overcome the patterns in my extended family. I was the survivor! Yet, I was unaware of how my experiences in my family of origin wounded me in the core of my being, and I was carrying those wounds into my future. No matter how functional or dysfunctional our families were, we are all profoundly affected by our upbringing. God created us to be known and loved, and He created the family as the environment for this to happen. Within a dysfunctional family, children are deprived of the safe, loving environment that is essential in order to grow into adults who love God, self, and others well. These childhood experiences shape our identity and follow us into adulthood. Robert Subby, therapist and addictions expert, in Lost in the Shuffle, describes that children in dysfunctional families accumulate relational, spiritual, and emotional brokenness. When we are unwilling to face the pain from our past, it surfaces in destructive ways within ourselves and toward others. Charles Whitfield, MD in Healing the Child Within, describes that we may face emotional problems such as anxiety, fear, anger, emptiness, shame or numbness, or a variety of physical symptoms such as aches, pains, and gastrointestinal issues. Furthermore, when we are unable to grieve our losses, we often find ourselves 34

The journey to wholeness is possible. by Heather Webb

in dysfunctional relationships with a tendency toward self-destructive addictions or other destructive behaviors. Our wounds inevitably affect our relationship with God, who is seen through the broken lens of our family of origin. Our spiritual journeys have as much to do with knowing ourselves as with knowing God. If we desire for God to transform us, we must know ourselves. As children of dysfunctional families, much of our identity is buried under wounds and defense mechanisms that were developed to protect us from further wounds. We essentially don’t know who we are. In order to let God into the deepest places in our soul, we must be willing to face our painful pasts to uncover our true identity in Christ and then grow fully into the person that God has made us to be. For many years I was stuck. I was stuck in my marriage. Stuck in my friendships. Stuck in my faith. It wasn’t until I began revisiting my past and understanding the pain and loss from my childhood that I began to see a new kind of transformation in my life. It took a difficult season in my marriage and family to wake me up to the hard work that I needed to do in my soul.

IDENTIFY THE HURT When we grow up in dysfunctional families we accumulate numerous losses over time that we are often unable to process or grieve without

help. As children and then as adults we can use defense mechanisms to cover up our losses such as denying or avoiding the loss, intellectualizing it, repressing our feelings, or using addictions to medicate our pain. To heal, we need to be willing to revisit the painful parts of our past. Journaling, sharing our story with a trusted friend, small group, or support group, or seeing a therapist are safe ways to begin exploring our past. I have found each of these ways invaluable to my healing. I meet with an excellent therapist who knows more about me than anyone else in the entire world. I have a dear friend with whom I have shared openly and authentically my grief, anger, struggles, fears, and victories. Her unrelenting empathy, encouragement, and love has been a lifeline for me. Journaling has been the key tool that I’ve used to identify and process my past and feelings as well as pour out my heart to God. Finally, my small group has been a constant source of support as I’ve struggled through my healing process. Still, my journey is not done, and I doubt it ever will be.

GRIEVE THE LOSS

The defense mechanisms that we developed as children to survive within our dysfunctional families eventually stop serving us as adults especially, not only in our relationships with those closest to us, but in our relationship with our heavenly Father. In fact, Christian psychiatrist, Curt Thompson, indicates that 70 percent of marital problems are issues related to our childhood and family of origin. As children, we learn the rules of our dysfunctional families, and we take on roles that serve us to protect us within the dysfunctional system. As we take a closer look at our childhood and ourselves, we will begin to see areas in our lives that are not working—these old rules, patterns, and roles that need to be abandoned. Steven Tracy says, “The goal of facing our brokenness is not to wallow in the past but to reclaim it in such a way that it loses its destructive grip on the present.” Many of us have difficulties giving and receiving love, resolving conflict, trusting, and taking care of ourselves. We may have low self-esteem, control issues, fear of abandonment, or boundary problems. These are all issues that can be explored one by one, again with trusted friends, a group, or a therapist over time. I needed to take a painful look at my own issues surrounding shame, fear of intimacy, attempts to control others and my environment, and codependency. It can feel difficult and even humiliating to look at our own sin and brokenness, but it is only when we are willing to stand naked in front of God that we can fully experience His grace. We will never be 100 percent free from the effects of our past, but God can heal and transform us when we live in truth.

LIVE IN FREEDOM It takes hard, exhausting work to heal the wounds from our past, but as we heal, we find ourselves, unique, flawed, yet fully loved by our heavenly Father who has always been with us. When we live as fully loved children of God, we can accept ourselves free of shame and guilt, and we can step into being more of who God made us to be. Healing and transformation are never finished. As children of dysfunctional families, the wounds from our past have weighed us down, and we often don’t even realize the weight of what we have been carrying for most of our lives. As a teen, God gave me the verse, Psalm 147:3, which says: “[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God never wastes our pain. Through my journey from childhood to adulthood, God pursued me as my Father and spoke to me my identity as His daughter. I have experienced God as faithful and close at every stage, and my faith has grown stronger through the struggle. I never would have experienced God’s provision and power so dramatically in the absence of my great need. And, I am learning to feel and express myself in new ways, to minister without shame, and to fully embrace my unique gifts. I’ve seen God change me miraculously as well as gradually. My life and ministry have a unique shape and depth because of my pain. I’m seeing God break patterns in me and my family that likely have been with us for generations. My prayer for all of us who are adult children of dysfunctional families is that we may claim the freedom that is ours in Christ, not wasting the moments from our past, but allowing God to bring wholeness and new life into our souls, which will in turn enrich the lives of those around us. Heather Webb is a graduate of Northwestern University and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. She has worked with churches and nonprofits in Wisconsin and Africa and is currently pastor/director of Global Partnerships at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis. She has four kids and a husband who fill her life with joy and excitement.

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When we allow ourselves to feel the pain of our past, identify the losses, and share the losses with a safe person(s), we are able to free ourselves from the pain. Much of grieving is simply feeling our feelings related to our losses that we were never able to feel before. Grief has its own timing. For many of us who have hidden our emotions and tried to forget our experiences, grieving will be a long process. Steven Tracy, professor of theology and ethics and founder of Mending the Soul, says that “as we grow in emotional health, we will feel more, and as we do so, we’ll increasingly be able to recognize what our emotions are telling us about the state of our souls.” The thought and process of grieving can seem overwhelming when our pain is so great. I have cried more tears than imagined possible, but I have discovered my heavenly Father who “wept” and is “acquainted with grief.” During the most difficult times, I’ve pictured myself collapsed on the floor with God covering me or as a child crawling into His lap with His arms enveloping me. Psalm 91:4 says, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.” Our heavenly Father is with us in our grief. Allowing God to be with us as we share our unedited pain and tears with Him, and then allowing Him to love and accept us as we are is foundational to our healing.

CHANGE OLD PATTERNS

HUNTING FOR

HOPE Digging through the darkness to find God.

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by Nika Maples

We’re asking, “how long will this last?” Life used to be lovely, but then the wind changed. The temperature dropped, and it hasn’t risen in weeks. Now night falls sooner than it did, and the morning is always gray. Pleasure and joy are tattered leaves. Our golden October is gone. We have walked into winter. The dark season has come. When it happens, we cannot see the end of it. There is a frozen forecast: Disappointment. Disillusionment. Depression. Despair. All we can think about is the way it used to be. We’re afraid that if we’re out in the cold long enough, we’ll start to believe that winter will last forever. The next question burns like frostbite on our lips: “Where’s God?” Here is the truth: God is in the dark season with us. He makes “darkness His covering, His canopy around Him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.” God is enthroned in mystery and is comfortable in the clouded unknown. Only His offspring are not. Where the path grows dim, we steer away. When pain casts a shadow, we shrink back. Few will leave comfort in order to climb to the secret places. Moses did. In Exodus 20:21 we read, “The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.” He was willing to scale a dark mountain in order to get to God. Moses was a hope hunter. Hope is not an accident. Hunting it takes courage. Hope hunters seem to command a storehouse of resilience during hard times; they make it look so easy to stay positive that we tend to overlook the dirt beneath their fingernails and the sweat on their shirts. We forget that people who have hope have worked to take hold of it. Hope hunters know how to excavate. They rake through the rubble of an unwanted situation to bring forth what is buried beneath. They dig into difficult circumstances because they have come to expect that adversity will produce good.

GOD IS NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK

When it comes to the spiritual seasons, though, our trust weakens, especially during a dark season. For all the frost we feel, we cannot sense a coming spring, so we waste time wondering where the cold came from and why. Trying to find the reason for our winters is like trying to see the wind. Maybe the source of a dark season isn’t as important as the result of a dark season. Maybe it doesn’t matter what causes suffering in our lives nearly as much as it matters what suffering causes in our lives. If adversity brings about bitterness and disbelief in the Lord, then it will be a loss. But if it brings about humility, patience, and dependence upon the Lord, then it will be for His glory. Questions about suffering are questions about sovereignty. Either God is in control, or He isn’t. If God is in control, then what we know about God is more important than what we know about our circumstances. God is always in control. This assurance becomes the hope hunters’ compass. It’s what sets them on their quest. They know He can sweep away the ashes, or He can fashion our ashes into beauty. The hope hunter’s response to obstacles is always to surrender to God’s work through our trials. God is for us, not against us. Perhaps our best question is not “How could You let this happen to me, Lord?” but “How are You using this for me, Lord?” Part of the way the Lord challenges us is in our character formation. Many significant individuals in the Bible experienced times in a dark and unexpected place in preparation for a divine assignment. We see this precedent in Scripture: Darkness was an invitation. Darkness preceded new life and new work. Darkness was the beginning of things. • In the darkness of a dungeon, Joseph received his commission and became a government official. • In the darkness of a lion’s den, Daniel recognized God as the King of the beasts and became an evangelist to royalty. • Through the darkness of death, Jesus rose to rescue humanity and reign as the Savior of the world. Darkness became part of the plan. These men not only accepted their dark, they learned to see in the dark. And what they saw was God. God is earth’s only hope. The hard truth is: hope hunters are made in the dark.

THE BLESSING OF DARKNESS

There can be important training in trials. A man without hope cannot call a trial a blessing. We have to admit that we do not know how to define what is good. A blessing isn’t what makes us comfortable or happy. A blessing is what brings us closer to the Lord and to the center of His will. In the end, the center of His will is the only thing that will satisfy us. I have never met a person who wanted to go through a season of difficulty. But I also have never met a sincere believer who didn’t want to be close to God. The Bible tells us that through surrendering our suffering, we share in Christ’s death so that we may know the power of His resurrection in us. If this is true, then when a trial comes our way, will we say no?

continued on p 41 37

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There are plenty of places in Scripture where the Lord clearly separates Himself from darkness. Again and again, we read truths like this: “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” And, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” Even Jesus comforts His disciples by saying, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” Yet to read a Scripture that assures “there is no darkness at all” in God and then misconstrue that God has nothing to do with darkness robs us of precious understanding. The Bible explains that there is no spiritual darkness in God. There is no wickedness, no sin, no evil, and no spot or blemish. He is the only Purity there ever has been. But none of these verses suggests that God has nothing to do with situational darkness. We must always flee from spiritual darkness and evil, but we do not have to wrestle and run from situational darkness, which usually comes as a circumstance we don’t want. Not every painful event in life is due to an evil attack. Some are part of living in the natural world. Others are allowed by the Lord. All of them can be used by God for good. God is not afraid of the dark.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DARK

encouragement / real

faith

God Wants Me to Do What?! by Jennifer Dale

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Jennifer Dale has an M.A. in counseling and has been in ministry for over ten years. She and her husband, Reid, have five kids ages 2 to 17, and live in Columbia, S.C.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn (Rom. 12:15). I get the mourning and weeping. After all, that’s one of the reasons I studied counseling. I wanted to learn to care for those who are hurting and to comfort those who are mourning or discouraged. But rejoicing? Now that is often a different matter altogether, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s just plain hard to rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Like when your friend’s son is engaged to a godly young woman, but your own children are making poor life choices. Or when a friend’s husband surprises her with a birthday or anniversary vacation, but your own marriage and finances are limping along. Or when a friend announces her pregnancy the same day you are grieving the loss of yet another miscarriage. Does any of this sound familiar? But there it is in God’s Word, plain and simple: Rejoice with those who rejoice. I can think of several situations where I, sadly and embarrassingly, chose to respond with jealousy and anger, rather than rejoicing. I even rationalized my response by telling myself the other person was being selfish and prideful. I once heard a pastor share that he and his wife were visiting friends during a season when they were struggling financially. During supper, their friends told them that they had recently come into a large, unexpected inheritance. I can only imagine how hard it was for the pastor and his wife to sit at the dinner

What a gift it is when a friend truly, deeply rejoices with our rejoicing!...God knows why He commands these things that sometimes feel so very impossible. Yet I grow in faith as I choose to trust that His love and care for me is just as great as it is for my friends. table and be excited for the season of financial blessing that had come to their friends. I also remember the other side. I remember the discouragement when my own joy bubble burst and I felt the sting of embarrassment, and even shame, as I realized a loved one could not rejoice with me when I had some exciting news to share. What a gift it is when a friend truly, deeply rejoices with our rejoicing! I remember a dear friend who cried with joy when I told her I was pregnant after many long years of miscarriages. What a gift her joy was to me. God knows why He commands these things that sometimes feel so very impossible. Yet I grow in faith

as I choose to trust that His love and care for me is just as great as it is for my friends. (For without faith it is impossible to please God.) It also blesses the socks off those I love who are rejoicing and binds our friendship even closer. Rejoice with those who rejoice. What does that look like for you right now, right here, this moment?

Ministry on the Go Leave a note on a friend’s desk, “You are a Priceless Masterpiece!”

chronic hope / encouragement

Our Spiritual Nervous System by Adriana Hayes

Adriana Hayes is a freelance illustrator, professor, writer, and speaker who finds joy in helping others discover how God can bring “chronic hope” into their lives. She lives in Milwaukee, Wis., with her husband, Chris, and daughter, Promise.

deposit of the Holy Spirit as a gift during our time here on earth (Eph. 1:14; 2 Cor. 1:22; John 14:15-17). One of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to act as a sort of “spiritual nervous system” that warns us when we are getting too close to sin that could cause damage in our lives. As my foot healed, I started to reflect on what condition my “spiritual nerves” were in. Were they healthy and in tune to alert me to danger? Or were they damaged and dull, unable to determine truth from lies? Physical nerve damage oftentimes is irreparable. Thankfully, spiritual nerve damage is not. One of the first steps to repairing our insensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s voice is to confess any sin that we may have in our lives. Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Unconfessed sin can callous our hearts to God’s voice (Gal. 5:16-26). A second way that we can reverse spiritual nerve damage is by spending time with God in prayer and by reading His Word so that we increase our sensitivity to His Spirit. Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me

with all your heart.” It is nearly impossible to recognize a voice unless you first know what it sounds like. Unfortunately, my broken foot has not been the only injury that has been caused by my lack of sensation. Since my spina bifida was at L5, much of my nerve damage is from the waist down. This has resulted in third-degree burns on my rear…twice! You would think that burning it once, seeing a burn surgeon, and going through months of burn cream application and debriding would have taught me to be more careful about what I sit on, but it didn’t. We can be the same way in our spiritual lives. Sin can quickly deceive us and make us forget the damage it can do and has done in our lives. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Ministry on the Go Offer to do a friend’s laundry who struggles with chronic illness.

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Visit my sites! chronichopeblog. wordpress.com or madebyadri.com

Our family has become a licensed foster family. Excitedly, this past September we received placement of a baby. My husband’s work travel increased that same month, refusing to slow its pace. This put extra physical strain on my body. (When God calls you to a kingdom task, oftentimes there are sacrifices. Thankfully, He’s more than enough to provide the strength you need to endure.) During one of Chris’s travel weeks, I began having new pain in my left foot. Because of my spine surgeries, I have significant nerve damage in my feet and legs, to the point where I do not have sensation in my feet. For the first week, I pushed through the pain, thinking that I had done something to frustrate a nerve. I have periodic neuropathy in my feet and because of the damage to the nerves, sometimes what I am feeling is not always reality. Midway through the second week of this persistent pain, I began to consider the fact that my foot may have been injured. My body was showing other signs that confirmed this theory as well. I went in for an X-ray that revealed I had been walking on a broken foot for over two weeks! Our physical nerves are important, because they alert us to dangers that could harm us. I ended up wearing a walking boot for eight weeks and the fractures eventually healed, but I was left pondering the importance of our nervous system and the corresponding picture that it can have in our spiritual lives. As believers in Christ Jesus, we are told that we have been given the

encouragement / it

is well

...with My Counsel by Elizabeth Murphy

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Elizabeth Murphy has been a soughtafter speaker for the last 15 years. She serves on several non-profit boards, teaches a Bible study, and is an author and regular columnist for Just Between Us. She and her husband, Mike, have four sons and are grandparents to twins. They live in Brookfield, Wis.

Visit my site! espeaks.net

I find myself at coffee shops a lot these days sitting across the table from women who aren’t doing very well. They are struggling to make a good decision in some area of their life, fighting for a marriage that is falling apart, trying to make sense out of a hurt inflicted, or wondering what it looks like to live as a Christ-follower in a world that seems so uninterested in Christ. These women are trusting me with their situations and hoping for help, so I’ve taken a good hard look at what it looks like to offer godly counsel well. I have not experienced many of the things being shared with me, but I can point them to someone who has—Jesus. Hebrews 4:17 tells us “… we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” The best place to begin is by bringing them before Him in prayer. Sometimes this happens out loud in a very public coffee shop, but more often than not, it takes place beforehand. When you don’t know what to pray for someone, bring them into God’s presence by saying their name to Him over and over because He knows what they need. When I have done this beforehand, I find that by the time I arrive, the person I am meeting already has a new sense of peace—all I’ve done is pray and show up. Most of the women I talk to don’t necessarily need to hear from me, they just need to feel heard. It’s a practice called active listening. At first, I try to say very little but

convey empathy, acceptance, and genuineness. I have found the best way to do this is to breathe through my nose. You can’t talk and breathe through your nose at the same time. The Holy Spirit has a way of allowing us to listen to ourselves when someone we trust just sits nearby and says nothing. They speak their situation out loud and, as it goes back to their heart through their own ears, the Holy Spirit moves. They experience insight, comfort, release, and care— all I’ve done is sit nearby, pray in my spirit, and breathe. When it’s time to speak, I internally ask myself a few questions. 1. Will this be helpful, gentle, and kind? 2. Is my input a combination of truth and love? 3. How can I both honor God and bless this person? Answers to these questions have a way of settling down my own emotional reactions to what I’ve been told and give me a framework for responding well to their hard questions. There is no answer to why something has happened and, because we are all sinners trying to navigate life in a broken world, there is rarely an explanation for the way we treat each other. The best words I offer describe who God is in the midst of their mess. The most comfort-

ing words I have are about God the promise keeper (Gen. 15)—the One who calls things that are not as if they were (Rom. 4:17) and has their name written on His hand (Is. 49:16), and the One who has redeemed us and will be with us in deep waters and fiery flames (Is. 43:1-2). I genuinely love the “aha” moment when someone in need realizes there is Someone to meet that need. If they want to know my own story of experiencing this, I will tell them but most of the time it’s not necessary. God has spoken, and it is more than enough. I wish it always went like this but between my own sin and the sins of those around me, there are times when nothing I can do or say can help. It’s in these situations where I lean into prayer, trust God with the person, and say only two words, really and wow. You can use them in enough different orders and inflections to communicate care, concern, astonishment, wonder, and other appropriate reactions. I give all the credit for that insight to my cousin Erin, who shared them with me in a conversation about the challenges of raising adult children. In trying to help, I have rarely done harm by breathing through my nose and eventually, with the proper level of enthusiasm, saying really and or wow. When I do, it is well with my counsel.

Hunting for Hope (continued from p 37) As crazy as it sounds, when tragedy came into the lives of the apostles, they didn’t say no; they rejoiced. Joy is the mark of a master hope hunter: “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Pet. 1:6-7). The Bible says we too can rejoice if we do not allow ourselves to give way to fear. The only way we can live without fear is to put our trust in the One who holds the world, our hearts, and every season in His loving hands. Because we know God can end our dark seasons instantly, we know there is a reason when He doesn’t. He might be preparing us for new life and new work. This could be our invitation. The hunger is where our hearts learn to hunt. Fear will try to find us while we’re here. We will never have to go looking for doubt or anxiety. They will strut straight into our camp. But hope will be hidden, camouflaged in the mundane right before our eyes. Hope is something we must pursue. Until we apprehend it, we have to know and do specific things in order to survive. Know. Then do. Because darkness always gives way to light.

Helene Zelazo Center 2419 E. Kenwood Blvd. Milwaukee, WI 53211

Hope hunters secure themselves with biblical truths about God’s character. How we see God will affect how we see our circumstances. But if we are not careful, how we see our circumstances will affect how we see God. The best way to know God is by reading who He says He is in His Word.

WHAT DO WE DO?

Hope hunters take action based on biblical truth. After our knowledge of God’s character has been established, we allow Him to work on our character. What we do in the dark makes a difference. His Word is what we need to know and what we need to do. Psalm 147:18 confirms the power of Scripture: “He sends his word, and it melts [the icy blast].” We may be traveling in the arctic territory of our hearts, but God has sent His Word to warm the way before us. He melts through the places where we would slip and paves our paths with promises. Hope is on the advance, and we can’t just stay where we are and expect to take hold of it. We must scan the bleak horizon, set our eyes without the slightest turning, and chase it through the ice. Every season is open season on hope. Taken from Hunting Hope ©2016 Nika Maples, used with permission by Worthy Inspired, a division of Worthy Media Inc. All rights reserved.

Women Presents...

IN WORSHIP

2018

May 25-26, 2018

WHAT DO WE KNOW?

“LIFE IN ABUNDANCE!” Come Experience Prayer, Worship, and the Word of God

EVENT HOST

Purchase Your Tickets @ www.melvahenderson.org

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General Admission: $65 Empowerment Luncheon: $55

GUEST SPEAKER

encouragement / the

homefront

Which of Us is Going to Move? by Pam Farrel

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Pam Farrel is the author of 40 books including Simple Skills for Every Woman. She has been happily married for 37 years and enjoys traveling. Pam and her husband, Bill, live in Oxnard, Calif.

Visit my site! Love-Wise.com

My husband walked in the door, bone-dead tired. He had driven six hours in gridlock traffic back to our home in San Diego from his parents’ home in Ventura County, Calif. I had been praying that God would give guidance or relief from this nearly three-year, weekly 10-12 hour round trip, that sometimes necessitated staying for days away from home to help his folks. I looked at his worn and weary face and said, “Keeping your parents alive is killing you. This caregiving situation isn’t working, something has to change.” We both knew this moment was coming. “Who was going to move? Us or his folks?” According to an AARP study, an estimated 43.5 million adults in the United States have provided unpaid care to an adult or a child in the prior 12 months (or about 18 percent of the population). Eighty percent of caregivers help their loved one giving about 25 hours a week. In six out of ten cases, the reason for the care is a long-term issue not a shortterm recovery situation. When you find yourself in this situation, here are a few questions to begin the discussion: 1. What are the desires of each party? What do the aging parent(s) and the caregiving child and their spouse hope to have happen? Listen to the heart of each side of the equation. Many families welcome the aging parents into their homes, because they already have a strong relationship. If your hands are already full then some serious conversations will need to

take place, and consulting with trained counselors or those who oversee the aged would be wise. 2. What is the financial situation of the aging parent and the caregiver’s family? In some cases, the parent has planned ahead and has agreed to a move (and perhaps saved money for) a graduated-care facility. These facilities are often very nice, but can be very expensive, and if this type of care is selected, someone has to foot the bill—the aging parent or the caregiving family or extended family. 3. What move would keep the caregiver healthier? Caregiving is rigorous. For those who have been the caregiver for more than five years, only 20 percent describe themselves as healthy and strong. In some families, the children rotate in to help a parent who is staying in their original home, other times, it is Mom or Dad who travels to various relatives so the caregiving is shared. The health of the aging parent is a major factor in these decisions, but the health of those extending care needs to be taken into consideration as well. 4. Can the caregiver’s marriage survive the additional responsibility of caregiving in his/her home? Bringing a family member who needs care into

your home impacts your privacy, your ability to travel, your finances, and the dynamics of a marriage and a parent-child relationship.

So Who Moved?

Mom’s issues were like a can being kicked down the road to be dealt with “someday in the future.” Well that day arrived! Bill’s father’s mind is still sharp but his body is frail. After a debilitating stroke in his forties, Bill’s mom is frail of mind with fears and emotional anxieties that she has allowed to escalate to the point of agoraphobia. She refuses to move and his dad is not yet at a place where he is willing to force a move or the many steps and experts it might take to move her. After years of wrestling with these questions, consulting with family members and experts in the field of caregiving, Bill and I agreed to help with his parent’s desire to stay in their home a little longer. So we sold our home and moved to a city nearer his folks. We decided to move onto a live-aboard boat, which has become an oasis—our happy spot on the ocean. The caregiving decision is working for now, but we are lining up options and preparing his parents for a transition that could still be needed in the future. As I have learned from other caregiving friends who have gone before me, each day is a new day, and God will lead step by step along the way.

BETH NUAH BethNuah oﬀers Hope and Encouragment through retreats for pastors’ wives and speaking for all women. Laura Mullenix- Speaker, author and Director of BethNuah Ministries. Visit her website for more information and for her book, “A Long Way Home”.

www.bethnuahministries.com

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encouragement / the

deeper life

Compassion Will Move You! by Melva L. Henderson

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Melva L. Henderson is an author and speaker. Additionally, she is the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder of World Outreach and Bible Training Center, Inc. Melva is wife to pastor Ervin L. Henderson, mother of five, and grandmother of two. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Visit my sites! Melvahenderson.org, worldoutreachbtc.org

One day my youngest son Kyle and I were running late for a summer camp he was attending. That morning began in a hectic way, and I found myself rushing him to brush his teeth, comb his hair, and eat his breakfast. When he finished, I instructed him to run to the garage and wait for me. Shortly after, I emerged from the house running toward the garage, carrying my makeup box, purse, jacket, and shoes. To my amazement and frustration, Kyle was not in the garage. Instead, he was standing in the backyard, preoccupied, and unconcerned about the time. He discovered a baby bird that had fallen from its nest on to our grass. Kyle looked at me saying, “Mom, look at him. I walked toward him, but he didn’t move!” Uninterested, I hurriedly walked past Kyle and the bird saying, “Come on Kyle! We’ve got to go! You have exactly 15 minutes to get to camp! It’s your first day, and I don’t want you to be late!” Kyle replied, “But Mom, look at him, something’s not right.” I said, “Kyle, we don’t have this kind of time! If he’s on the ground, he’s probably sick and will soon die! That is unless another animal doesn’t eat him first!” A look of absolute horror came over Kyle’s face. “Mom! Please, don’t make me leave him! I’ll get a towel, and we can take him to the humane society!” I replied, “No Kyle! You’re already late! We have to go! Now get in the car!” Kyle walked to the car, got in, and I quickly pulled out of the garage.

After driving just a few feet from home, I saw Kyle quietly staring out the window, obviously overwhelmed with thoughts of the little bird’s fate. He turned to me with the greatest love and compassion and said, “Mom, do you think he’ll make it until my camp is over? Do you think he’ll survive until we get home?” I slammed on the brakes, sighed a great big “UGH,” and put the car in park. We both jumped out and ran toward the little bird. As I ran, I murmured loudly, “I can’t believe this, you know we have to get you to camp, it’s your first day! I don’t want them to think I’m the parent who always runs late! What is it with you and this bird?!” Kyle didn’t hear a word I said; compassion had overtaken him, and he kept running toward the bird. Finding a towel, he picked up the little bird and we made a mad dash back to the car. Off we drove in the opposite direction of camp seeking help for this little bird. Compassion is a powerful thing, often defined as “the ability to put oneself in another’s place.” It’s an outward expression of active love toward something or someone else, being compelled to take action when we see another in need. Unfortunately, we find ourselves so busy with schedules and other “stuff,” we rarely take time to slow

things down to see the needs of others. Jesus, who is our greatest example, was often found helping others. The Bible says He was “moved with compassion.” In fact, the healings and miracles which took place during His earthly ministry were the results of His compassion for those who could not help themselves. In Matthew 9:36, He was moved with compassion for the multitudes because they were “like sheep without a shepherd.” In Matthew 14:14, He was moved with compassion when He saw the sick, so he reached out His hand and began to heal them. In Matthew 15:32, He was moved with compassion for the hungry and miraculously fed over 5,000 with just five loaves and two fish. There are hurting people all around us, and God wants to touch their lives through a heart of compassion. Rather than walking by those who need us most, let’s live in such a way that God can extend His loving hand to bring someone from a place of helplessness to a place of hope. He did it through Kyle; He can do it through you and me! As for the little bird, the veterinarian gave him a clean bill of health and said he was learning to fly. He instructed Kyle to take the little bird back to our yard, and when we arrived, his mother was sitting on the garage awaiting his return.

healthy emotions / encouragement

Experiencing Hope by Jenny Heckman, MS, LPC, NCC

Q: What is hope and how is it experienced emotionally? A: Much like joy, hope is a theologi-

Visit my site! jennyheckman.com

What Hope is Not

• Hope is not optimism. Optimism is a general expectation that everything will be okay. Optimism has its limits, as many things do not turn out okay. • Hope is not mastery. Often we confuse hope with the sense that “I have this figured out…I’ve got this!” Mastery leaves us needing something more, as we face things we do not understand and have not mastered.

What Hope Is and How It Is Experienced

• Hope is a whole-person experience. Hope is facilitated through our thoughts, emotions, motivations, and even impacts our physical well-being (Prov. 3:12). • Hope is embracing of this belief: “No matter what happens, God will give me what I need to persevere and show me a pathway through.” This requires us to let go of mastery. When we do not have a map, we trust that one will be made as we go. This requires a tolerance for uncertainty. The Psalms are rich with words and pictures of the presence of God going with us when we do not know the way. He reminds us that we are not all-wise and all-powerful. We can release ourselves from the burden of needing to have things figured out. • Hope is flexible. It is flexible when we let go of a rigid expectation of outcome. When we meet obstacles or when things “go south,” we can adapt, reset, and continue walking. We trust God’s presence and provision to continue to meet us, even if we cannot conceptualize that in the moment (Heb. 1:1). • Hope is the final word. Not suffering and evil. Sometimes evil wins,

and sometimes the outcome we longed for and prayed for, does not come to fruition. This is where ultimate hope is essential. We have present hope because of the presence and provision of God. We have ultimate hope because of the work of Christ. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). • Hope is relational and fostered in community. We need one another to stay rooted in hope. We are told in 1 Cor. 13:13 that love is the greatest, with faith and hope behind it. When we allow ourselves to love and be loved, hope finds us in deeper and greater ways. You have most likely bumped into places in your soul where hope is difficult for you. Let this be a gentle reminder that God knows, sees, and loves all those parts of your soul that struggle with doubt and disbelief. God will grow hope in us as we open our hearts to Him. Hope brings life not only to our own souls, but to those weary ones around us, those who have continually heard and embraced the false isolating messages that hope can only be found through optimism and mastery. Like joy, hope is contagious and is the fragrance of Christ. May hope find you, through Christ, in deeper ways than you could imagine. 45

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Jenny Heckman is a professional licensed counselor who owns a private counseling practice, Robust Sanity LLC, seeing individuals, couples, and families in Brookfield, Wis. Additionally, she has served on the pastoral staffs of several churches and has been married to her husband, Mark, for 25 years and has four children.

cal, deep Christian concept designed to be felt in the soul. Sometimes that is easier said than done, often for no other reason than we do not have a full understanding of hope. Recently, I was invited to speak at a gathering for survivors of cancer— some well past their cancer journey, and some still battling the disease. The entire weekend was focused on the role of hope in the cancer journey. The host organization and the audience were not necessarily Christian, which required me to explore hope from many angles as I prepared. The preparation for this event was a gift to me. I found that research on the role of hope aligned beautifully with what the Christian Scriptures teach. Hope is a multifaceted concept and experience, and we cannot live without it.

• Hope is not denial. Denial is fighting reality. Hope invites us to embrace reality while staying anchored.

encouragement / digital

wellness

Raising Kids in a Digital World by Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd

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Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd is a popular speaker, author, and life coach. She currently serves as the Founder and Executive Director of the Nation’s First Digital Wellness Center at Liberty University where she is teaching a healthy use and theology of technology.

Visit my site! TheDigitalInvasion.com

My kids are all grown now, but I have a granddaughter on the way, and it makes me realize this is a very challenging time to be raising children. As a parent in a digital world today, you are writing the rules for a guidebook that’s never been written. How much screen time is too much? How much should kids use and share on social media? The only guidebook you have is your own knowledge of the digital world, and since it’s always changing, you’ll always be adapting your rules. Scripture tells us that we are to have face-to-face conversations with our children, talking about God on the road, and around the house. In order to have these conversations we all have to look up from our screens and turn our faces to each other. A parent’s job is to point their children again and again to the greatest commandment: to love God with all we are. The most challenging part of our digital world is that you are your kid’s digital role model. Don’t lose sight of that. There’s no sadder sight than a tearful toddler begging for Mom or Dad to put down the phone long enough to pay attention to what they’re asking. Few parents have set rules for their children and teens when it comes to tech and phone use. Kids left to their own devices neglect homework, remain sedentary, are sleep deprived, and become easily pulled into the addictive nature of the digital world. Studies have shown that excessive media use can lead to attention problems, school difficulties, sleep and eating disorders, and obesity. Recently, the American Academy of

Pediatrics revised their guidelines that you might want to consider.

American Academy of Pediatrics Screen Time Guidelines

• Under 18 months—No screen time (except video-chatting with Grandma). • Ages 2-5 years—One hour per day of high quality programming (watch with your child). • Ages 6 and older—Consistent limits on time spent using media and types of media. Make sure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity, and other behaviors essential for health.

Parenting today is not about just shielding your children from the tools of the world, but equipping them to use those tools properly. You should be active and intentional in teaching them how to use technology effectively and to its fullest potential. Try having some digital free zones in your home. The car, the dining room, and the kitchen should be digital free places where conversation can flow freely. Research shows that face-to-face time with family, friends, and teachers plays a vital and important role in

5 Tips for Raising Kids in a Digital World 1. Adhere to the 13-year-old age requirement for social media. 2. Have a basic knowledge of what the apps do and how your child plans to use them. 3. No devices at meals; use this time for conversations. 4. Prayer is key. Continually pray over your children, bless them, and affirm them. 5. Model digital wellness yourself—you must lead by example.

promoting your child’s learning and healthy development. It won’t be easy but try to keep your face-to-face contact with your children as one of your highest priorities. Work hard to not let screen time dominant your home, but rather your family’s love for God.

Ministry on the Go Teach your kids eye contact and to say “thank you” to everyone who helps them.

Learn to Live a Life of Love and Faith without Borders In her warm, vulnerable style, Suzanne Eller unpacks the promises Jesus shared with his disciples about the Holy Spirit, showing you how to stop settling for good enough and start truly living by his power. When you learn to unwrap the gift of his presence, you’ll find the world-changing, soul-stirring life of passion and purpose God is waiting to give you.

“I’m grateful for this deep—but somehow accessible— word. As a longtime Christ-follower, I have always had the desire, but not always the tools, to be led by the Spirit. I love this inspirational yet ever practical instruction.” —KATHI LIPP, bestselling author, The Husband Project, Overwhelmed, and Clutter Free

“Join Suzie as she engages you with the Holy Spirit in a fresh way. She’ll capture your heart, ignite your faith, and take it from routine to remarkable.” —WENDY BLIGHT, author, I Am Loved: Walking in the Fullness of God’s Love; writing team, First 5

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