theVAULTmagazine ~ Issue 3

theVAULTmagazine

Issue #3 - October 28, 2011

Crack the Vault

IS ATHABASCA HALL HAUNTED?

FREE ZOMBIE FICTION >> STAFF HORROR PICKS >> OCCUPY WALL STREET

theVAULTmagazine

this is a revolution it is the new peace region be a part of it!

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theVAULTmagazine SECTIONS 04 Inside the Vault 12 Entertainment 18 Community Calendar 14 Arts 15 Lifestyle 17 Reader Submitted 20 Oddities 22 Puzzles & Comics

Feature 10 Is Athabasca

Hall Haunted?

Issue #3 - October 28, 2011

Letter from the Editors Well, this is Issue three, and so we thought it time to address you, the reader, directly. theVAULTmagazine is a brainchild that we nursed from infancy to be the fine young publication you hold in your hands today.

This is the score as we see it. The Peace Region has an extremely diverse cultural landscape, one in which we hope to help cultivate and grow in the years to come.

To start, we would like to encourage you to embrace your surroundings and be yourself. You owe it

to yourself and to the Region. We are theVAULTmagazine. We don’t discriminate. We don’t judge.

Editor/Publisher

We are the paper for the people: the working class, the artists, those who dare to be different, those who have dirt under their fingernails and are proud of We understand that it. some of our content We are theVAULTmagmight not be for ev- azine. Like the north, eryone—but that’s we tend to be rough okay. We have diverse around the edges. Yes, audiences to pander we’re proud of it. to. Look for what suits you, and try to keep an So be warned. This open mind for what publication may not may suit others. always be suitable for those with delicate Media in any form sensibilities. should be a reflection of who we are as a Sincerely, people. If embraced, it’s the symbol of our raw Your Editors potential and a catalyst Jenelle Lizotte & for our future.

Tormaigh Van Slyke

Jenelle Lizotte Tormaigh Van Slyke

Social Media/Reception Mary Warren

Logo Design Michael Boone

Layout Design

Jenelle Lizotte Christine Taylor Tormaigh Van Slyke Chris Zwick

Distributor

Buzz Lorenzen

Website Design

Sush Wong & Doug Hurst, Wild Card Technology Solutions

Ad Design

Clayton Hall Aimie Williams Sush Wong

Ad Sales

Tormaigh Van Slyke

Photography

Jenelle Lizotte Tormaigh Van Slyke

Contributors Buzz Lorenzen Mark Rieder Mary Warren Chris Zwick

Cover Art

Aimie Williams

theVAULTmagazine is available free of charge at over 75 locations in the greater Peace Region every other Friday. We are funded solely through the support of our advertisers. theVAULTmagazine is published biweekly by Plato’s Cave Publishing. No content herein can be reproduced without written consent of the publisher. We accept contributions provided they are the property of the contributor and are offered exclusively to theVAULTmagazine. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the return or safety of contributed materials and therefore will not be held responsible.

All opinions or statements expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher or staff. The reader must understand that all information presented in this publication is from various sources, therefore theVAULTmagazine cannot be held responsible for any accuracy, completeness or legalities.

We ask that each reader take only one copy, unless your grabbing one for your friend. That is all.

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INSIDE THE VAULT N E W S SMART PHONE EQUIPPED PROSTHETICS He’s not quite a cyborg, but it’s a sign of the times. A British man, Trevor Prideaux, who was born without his left forearm has come one step closer to true integration with machines, sort of. Having originally approached Apple about incorporating a smart phone dock into his prosthetic arm but the company declined his request.

Instead, Prideaux worked with his prosthetic company and Nokia to carve out a place for his new phone in his fiberglass arm to make it easier for him to call and text. Before the innovation, Prideaux found it difficult to use his device, having to balance it on his

manufactured limb, and he hopes his idea will spread to others in similar situations, though it’s not known what’s going to happen when it comes time for him to upgrade.

SLAVE LAKE LOSING DOCTORS Just a few months after nature showed its fury by reducing much of the Town of Slave Lake to ash earlier this year; the town is now dealing with more bad news as it has learned that five of its 13 doctors will be leaving by the end of the year. Mayor Karina Pillay-Kinnee has said the town will pursue an aggressive recruitment strategy to fill the empty spaces while temporary doctors fill the void in services

S N I P P E T S that will surely accompany the departure. Eleven of the 13 doctors’ homes were among the 400 homes destroyed in the May fires.

HARPER’S LONG GUNS Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s majority Conservative government re-introduced legislation last week to abolish Canada’s long gun registry. Initially conceived by the Liberal government of 2001, the registry was designed to keep track of Canadian gun ownership as a means to reduce the crime rate but soon became a contentious partisan issue. Even though it was applauded by police organizations, many rural Canadians argued their guns were a part of their regular day-to-day life, calling

the registry misguided and citing its annual multi-million dollar costs. When the Conservatives took power in 2006, amnesty was granted to those who had been charged for not registering their long guns and rifles and soon introduced legislation to erase the registry altogether.

Now with a Conservative majority in the House of Commons, the repeal will likely succeed.

GADHAFI MEETS GRIM END Deposed Libyan leader Moammer Gadhafi, the sometimes friend and sometimes foe of the western world is dead but despite his infamy, there is growing concern in the international community as to how he died.

Videos of the bloodied and lifeless dictator being beaten by a mob are circulating around the world raising questions about humane executions. The people of Libya however, are elated their tyrant leader of 40 years is gone. Many Libyans will likely remember the pain Gadhafi caused and will therefore be less sympathetic about Gadhafi’s questionable death. For now

Libya is celebrating its freedom, waiting to rebuild without a tyrannical ruler.

HISTORICAL GENOCIDE UNCOVERED? The International Tribunal into Crimes of Church and State (ITCCS) is searching the area surrounding a former residential school near Brantford, ON, with ground penetrating radar hoping to discover evidence of what it calls a mass genocide perpetrated by the religious institutions that operated the schools – namely the Anglican, Catholic and United churches. With the blessing of the Turtle and Wolf clans of the Onkwehonwe Nation, ITCCS began its investigation at the country’s oldest residential school, called “Mush-Hole” on Oct. 1. The Squamish Nation has also authorized similar investigations to be carried out on its traditional lands in BC. However, a press release from the Six Nations Elected Council refutes the tribunal’s claims, stating no evidence of human remains have been uncovered by the current search and alleged past discoveries of remains are false.

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P:(780)624-1985 E:thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

INSIDE THE VAULT Big Br ot her 2.0

BY: CHRIS ZWICK

W

e don’t exactly have robots travelling back from the future to warn us of our impending doom (just yet), but we do live on a world where brilliant minds conceive magnificent inventions for the good of society – surveillance to catch criminals, communications to stay in touch with loved ones, and genetic research to cure disease – all to make for a better society.

Unfortunately, the potential for malicious misuse also exists with our ever-expanding technological roster. And our willingness to trade-off our privacy, personal security and even our well-being for the sake of convenience is clear. It’s like nobody reads.

This isn’t supposed to be a book report, but there’s at least one paperback you probably should have--George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four, published in 1949.

This so-called dystopian classic has been eerily prophetic in its vision of how a future society could be shaped by technology, which in turn helps shape political and corporate agendas. These interests, as we know, are often intertwined and do not always value the true public interest.

In the times before we gathered like drones in front of the TV every week to watch “real” people and their “real” interactions with each other, Big Brother referred to the totalitarian power structure in Nineteen Eighty-Four that used revisionist

history, intimidation, re-education and constant surveillance to exert ultimate control over the citizenry. Brainwashed children turned their neighbours and parents in to authorities while secret police forces enforced the letter of the imposed law on not only action but thought too.

Today, it’s not so blatant but our technology is betraying us just as it did in the book. While in public we star in our own personal movie. While at home our internet activity is monitored so we can be properly and efficiently advertised to.

Corporate media spoon-feeds us press releases, quoting experts in defense of travesties happening right under our noses. And just because you’re not being hauled

away for expressing a contrary opinion right now doesn’t mean your name and location is not being filed away for use against you at a more advantageous time. When the time comes to round up the contrarians it’ll be quite easy. Who needs a microchip implant when everyone carries a cell phone? With the right set of wits anyone can be tracked at any time.

It’s interesting to watch what happened in the U.S., and to an extent in Canada, with the introduction of the Patriot Act. Fear still outweighs common sense.

Dissenting opinions are looked upon as unpatriotic, no matter what the evidence. People’s homes can now be searched without a warrant and anyone

can be detained for any reason for an extended period time.

All the while, heavily regulated protests are being infiltrated by agent provocateurs to incite violence upon otherwise peaceful groups only questioning the methods and madness of the authority at large.

This isn’t the only instance where literature of the past seems to scream at us to tread carefully into the future, yet we seem to take no heed of the warning.

You probably think you’ve been watching Big Brother all this time but all the while the real Big Brother has been watching you. How does it feel to live in the future? Are you scared? It probably won’t be so bad.

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Open Monday to Sunday Thursday & Friday open until 9 pm • Sunday 12-5 pm CRAC K T H E VAULT

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INSIDE THE VAULT

SECOND DAY NEWS

protesters occupy the world

BY BUZZ LORENZEN

O

riginally initiated in Zuccotti Park near New York’s financial district, Occupy Wall Street is a series of ongoing demonstrations which has now expanded to worldwide proportions. With thousands upon thousands of people occupying nearly every major city in North America and many more eager to join all around the world, maybe it is time to take a look at why they are doing this, and why we haven’t heard more about it.

PHOTO: DAVID SHANKBONE

#OCCUPY WALL STREET: CELEBRITY QUOTES “Why have governments spent trillions of dollars in taxpayers’ money to bail out financial institutions, many of which fought any notion of government regulation or social assistance, while doing nothing for people who had life savings wiped out or lost homes through fore closure?

kill the right to protest in NY? ... I think that people should have easier access to permits for the purpose of protesting.”

[Alec Baldwin, via Twitter]

“This is what an actual grassroots movement looks like, it’s a bit sloppy and disorganized but full of passion.”

“These people on Wall Street ripped off the future of many of these young people here and their not-yet-born children. It was the greatest heist, certainly of my lifetime. This protest has to start somewhere, and it might as well have stated here.”

[Tim Robbins]

[Michael Moore]

“This is unsettling... Should NYPD officers be better trained in crowd control? ... I think the NYPD has a PR problem ... I Think most NYPD officers want to do what’s right. But protesting should be a right. Did 9-11

“This is about the money in Washington, the whoring and the politicians.”

[David Suzuki]

[Russell Simmons]

Around the middle of 2011, the Vancouver-based Adbusters Media Foundation, known for its ad-free anti-consumerist magazine Adbusters, suggested a peaceful demonstration on Wall Street to protest corporate influence on democracy, a growing disparity in wealth, and the lack of legal repercussions for those they deemed responsible for the recent global financial crisis.

“We basically floated the idea in mid-July into our email list and it was spontaneously taken up by all the people of the world,” Adbusters senior editor Micah White told the Vancouver Courier a week into the occupation.

Activists from Anonymous (a group promoting civil disobedience and operating largely over the internet) also helped get the ball rolling by encouraging followers to take part in the protest, calling them to “flood lower Manhattan, set up tents, kitchens, peaceful barricades and occupy Wall Street.”

With the stage set, approximately 1,000 protesters marched through the streets of New York City on Sept. 17, with an estimated 200 people opting to spend the night in cardboard boxes. Largely ignored by the media, the protesters continued to march. By Sept. 19, only seven people had been arrested.

However, by the second week,

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80 more people were arrested for charges such as obstructing traffic and disorderly conduct.

Despite the charges and the growing numbers of people in support of the movement, Occupy Wall Street was still largely ignored by the mainstream media. With the use of social networking and websites such as YouTube though, word of mouth became the most effective way to spread the message.

It wasn’t until police officers were caught on video using pepper spray on peaceful protesters that the traditional media began to take interest. In fact, New York Times writer Clyde Haberman wrote, “If the Occupy Wall Street protesters ever choose to recognize a person who gave their cause its biggest boost, they may want to pay tribute to Anthony Bologna.” Bologna was the deputy inspector identified on video having used pepper spray the on protesters. And so the occupation continued.

Week three established itself as a further escalation as throngs of people took to the Brooklyn Bridge. The New York Times reported that more than 700 arrests were made, but still, the movement continued to grow. On Oct. 5, the protests were joined by thousands of union workers, students, and unemployed people swelling numbers in New York alone to an estimated 15,000 people.

As a result, police began to use more barricades, pepper spray, and orange netting to handle the crowds of disgruntled citizens.

On Oct. 15, massive numbers of protesters and demonstrators staged their own occupations in 900 cities worldwide. Many, with their own agendas, and some even unsure of the original intentions of Occupy Wall Street came out to be heard.

“We are the 99 per cent,” read picket signs across the discontented mosaic. Now, closing in on two months of protests, Occupy Wall Street has reached a level of global proportions.

INSIDE THE VAULT

SECOND DAY NEWS

the driving influence to stop driving under the influence

BY TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

O

n the Oct. 14-16 weekend, the RCMP reportedly doled out eight impaired driving charges and two 24-hour suspensions in the Peace River, Grimshaw, and Berwyn areas.

Drunk driving is a common occurrence in the Peace Region.

Need proof? Just look around you. I’m sure you know at least one person guilty of taking the back roads home to make it in to work tomorrow. Whatever the excuse, drinking and driving is stupid.

Evidence shows that drinking and driving kills. According to Transport Canada, of 266 Albertan drivers who were fatally injured in a motor vehicle accident in 2008, 76.2 per cent had been drinking—33.5 per cent were legally impaired.

We’re not telling you anything new. You’ve undoubtedly heard this before. With all of the media dedicated to anti drinking and driving causes, why do Albertans continue to drink and drive?

Well, for starters, Albertans drink. According to a 2007 Government of Alberta report, a staggering 80 per cent of

Albertans 15 and older drink, 20 per cent are heavy drinkers (5+ drinks when alcohol is used), and 94 per cent of Albertans have used alcohol in their lifetime.

Secondly, changes in driving legislation are relatively new.

The first law in Canada outlining illegal intoxication levels for operating a motor vehicle was not enacted until 1969, and Canada’s Motor Vehicle Safety Act was not enacted until 1971.

So, any Canadian over the age of 50 learned to drive under very different circumstances. Up north, we are slow to change our attitudes, and attitude changes often precede a change in behaviour.

Speaking of driving, here in northern Alberta we do a lot of it. According to Statistics Canada, Canadians “who lived 25 km from the centre of a census metropolitan area (CMA) spent an average of one hour and 23 minutes per day in the car” on days when they drove.

For Peace Region residents, the nearest CMA is Edmonton, and baby, Edmonton just isn’t northern Alberta.

Here in northern Alberta, if you live outside of town, commuting by vehicle is a necessity. For

most, the sheer distance between amenities dictates some road travel. So, northern Albertans drive and northern Albertans drink, but education and stiffer laws have been slow to curb behavior.

In 2000, the Canadian Government amended the Criminal Code to allow a maximum sentence of life in prison for impaired driving causing death. Despite this change, polls show Canadians feel driving laws aren’t strict enough.

Even with several large scale anti drinking and driving campaigns and harsh legal consequences, Albertans continue to drive while intoxicated.

At the end of the day, alcohol impairs judgment—even one or two drinks. If you wait until you are already intoxicated before you decide whether or not to get behind the wheel, you are leaving the option to make the wrong decision.

You’re not stupid. The right decision, the only decision, is to not drink and drive.

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Berwyn Nampa Girouxville

Email us at theVAULTmagazine@hotmail.com to add your event to the calendar

SUNDAY, OCT

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YOGA (Fitness) - Belle Centre (P.R. Martial Arts Centre - North Side Door). 4pm - From Oct. 2 - Dec. 18. BYO Yoga Mat & Blanket. Beginner and Intermediate. Gentle Flow. Drop in $10. For more info call Lynn at 780-624-4249.

ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

SEUSSICAL JR. (Theatre) - Athabasca Hall 1pm - Tix ($15 adults/$10 students & seniors) available at Style Ryte.

FREE SKATE (Family) - Kinsmen Arena 5-6pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

MONDAY, OCT

31

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elk’s Hall. 10am - Socialize while exercising and having fun. Every Monday and Thursday.

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre. 5:30-7pm - $6 without gym membership, free w/ membership. Everyone Welcome.

WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library 7:30pm - Every Monday. Share and encourage creative writing. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

ARBORETUM SPOOKTACULAR (Family) - Normand Boucher Community Arboretum 5-7:30pm - Kid’s games, prizes, dance and free Halloween fun. Ages 0-12

FALHER

Cadotte Lake

TUESDAY, NOV

1

WEDNESDAY, NOV

2

CONVERSATION CORNER (Seniors) Golden Age Club 12pm - For more info call Jean 7810-837-2220.

PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall. 1:30-3pm. Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954

PEACE RIVER COMMUNITY CHOIR (Community) - Good Shepherd School Courtyard 7-9pm - All singers (16+) welcome, especially men.

Rehearsals every Tuesday. For more info call Joan 780-624-1256.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) - Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443

STRETCHING YOUR DOLLAR (Educational) Community Adult Learning Centre 7-9:30pm - w/ Dianne Rabchak. (2.5h) FREE. Call 780-332-1110 to register. Sponsored by Grimshaw Community Services.

READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - Peace River Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

CHILDREN’S HALLOWEEN PARTY (Family) - Pomeroy Inn and Suites 4-6pm - 10 years or younger. Town of Grimshaw is accepting donations of cash or treats before Oct. 28th. Please bring a pumpkin to carve. For more info call 780-332-4626.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM theVAULTmagazine

SUNDAY, NOV

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ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

YOGA (Fitness) - Belle Centre (P.R. Martial Arts Centre - North Side Door). 4pm - From Oct. 2 - Dec. 18. BYO Yoga Mat & Blanket. Beginner and Intermediate. Gentle Flow. Drop in $10. For more info call Lynn at 780-624-4249.

5th & FINAL DALE BEKEVICH MEMORIAL OPEN BONSPIEL (Community) - Peace River Curling Club - $280/team, 3 events guaranteed.

Entertainment Fri. & Sat. Banquet on Sat. For more info or to register call Penny 780-618-4741 or the Curling Club 780-624-2861

MONDAY, NOV

TUESDAY, NOV

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WEDNESDAY, NOV

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GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) McLennan Elk’s Hall. 10am - Socialize while exercising and having fun. Every Monday and Thursday.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710

READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - Peace River Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre. 5:30-7pm - $6 without gym membership, free w/ membership. Everyone Welcome.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 1:30-3pm - For more info call 780-322-3954

WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library 7:30pm - Every Monday. Share and encourage creative writing. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

GREEN SMOOTHIES (Educational) Horizon Learning Centre 6:30-8:30pm - w/ Josee Boulianne. (1.5 h) $22. To register call 780-624-4220

FREE SKATE (Family) - Kinsmen Arena 5-6pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

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EAT LOCAL, EAT WHOLE, EAT SEASONAL (Educational) - Horizon Learning Centre 7-8:30pm - w/ Janet Blayone. (2h) $22. To register call 780-624-4220.

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FRIDAY, OCT

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES AT RIVER CITY CINEMA (Film) - River City Cinema 11pm - theVAULTmagazine and River City Cinema present this Rob Zombie Modern Horror Classic. FREE! Door Prizes. 18+

DIXONVILLE

MOVIE NIGHT (Film) - Peace River Library 5-7pm.

24th ANNUAL GPRC HARLEYWEEN (Community) - Notley Sq. - Live Entertainment, Costume Contest, Games, 18+, $15.

McLennan grimshaw Peace river

ANNUAL FALL TURKEY SUPPER (Community) - St. Paul’s United Church 5-7pm - Everyone is welcome!

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

HAUNTED HOUSE CARN-EVIL (Community) - Dunvegan Inn & Suites Banquet Hall 4-6pm (Creepy) 7-10 (Terrifying) - Admission = Non-perishable Food Bank Donation.

2011 GRIMSHAW OKTOBERFEST (Community) - Curling Club 5pm - Tix ($20) are available at Beyond 2000 & at the door. 1st 200 will receive Oktoberfest mugs. German Beer & Food. Silent Auction, 50/50 Draws, Optional Costume Contest.

For more info or to volunteer call Chance at 780-332-2299.

Manning

HAUNTED HOUSE (Community) - Elk’s Hall 7-10pm - All ages at Parent’s Discretion. Admission is $2 or a jar of Peanut Butter or Jam SEUSSICAL JR. (Theatre) - Athabasca Hall 1 & 7pm - Tix ($15 adults/$10 students & seniors) available at Style Ryte Cleaners

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710

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FRIDAY, NOV

DROP-IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership or free with a gym membership.

Every Friday.

ARTISANS OF THE PEACE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CRAFT SALE (Community) - Al Adair Rec Centre 4-9pm - Door Prizes.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) McLennan Elk’s Hall. 10am - Socialize while exercising and having fun. Every Monday and Thursday.

DUCKS UNLIMITED 27th ANNUAL BANQUET/AUCTION (Community) - Misery Mountain Ski Chalet 5:30 (Cocktails), 6:30 (Dinner) - For Tickets either call Sharon at 780-618-6768 or Jason at 780-618-5527

KIDS CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall. 4-5:30pm. Ages 6-9. For more info call 780-322-3954

YUK YUK’S COMEDY NIGHT (Comedy) - Athabasca Hall 7:30 & 9:30 (2 Shows) - Community Fund raiser for Advanced Paramedics Ltd. 3 comedians. Cash Bar, light snacks. Tix ($20) available at the APL Office (in the PR Airport) 780-624-4911, Aspen Grove Spa or any APL Employee.

2011 CAREER WEEK JOB FAIR (Educational) - County of Northern Lights Office 10-1pm Career opportunities & industry presentations.

For more info call 780-836-3348.

IMPROVED HEARING & SPEECH FOR ADULTS (Well-Being) - Horizon Learning Centre 10-11:15am - (1h) FREE. To register call 780-624-4220.

THE UNDERGROUND MUSIC SOCIETY’S HALLOWEEN BASH (Music) - Senior Citizen’s Drop In Centre 8pm - George Ireland and the Boxcar Social. Costume Prizes. Fire/LED dancing by Sisu and Pyromance. Tickets ($25) are available at Danbergers and Village Sound or ($30) at the door.

OL’ TYME FAMILY NIGHT (Community) - Elk’s Hall 6:30 Potluck 7:30 Dance - For more info call Jean 780-837-2220

YOUTH “JAM” RALLY (Youth) - Mile “0” Church - Last Fri of every month. Ages 12+. For more info call 780-332-2155.

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MAMA KIN (AEROSMITH COVER BAND) (Music) Belle Petroleum Centre 7:30pm - Tickets $20/adv. $30/door.

Prizes, cash and snack bar. Dress like a rocker. For more info call 780-624-8318.

fairview

THURSDAY, NOV

SATURDAY, OCT

HAUNTED HOUSE (Community) - Elk’s Hall 7-10pm - All ages at Parent’s Discretion. Admission is $2 or a jar of Peanut Butter or Jam SEUSSICAL JR. (Theatre) - Athabasca Hall 1 & 7pm - Tix ($15 adults/$10 students & seniors available) at Style Ryte Cleaners HALLOWEEN DANCE (Music) - Dixonville Hall 8pm

5

SATURDAY, NOV

ARTISANS OF THE PEACE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CRAFT SALE (Community) - Al Adair Rec Centre 10-4pm - Door Prizes.

5th & FINAL DALE BEKEVICH MEMORIAL OPEN BONSPIEL (Community) - Peace River Curling Club - $280/team, 3 events guaranteed. Entertainment Fri & Sat. Banquet on Sat. FOr more info or to register call Penny 780-618-4741 or the Curling Club 780-624-2861 VICTORIA’S GARDEN CHRISTMAS OPEN HOUSE (Community) - Victoria’s Garden (2nd Driveway past County Office) 10-5pm

5th & FINAL DALE BEKEVICH MEMORIAL OPEN BONSPIEL (Community) - Peace River Curling Club - $280/team, 3 events guaranteed. Entertainment Fri. & Sat. Banquet on Sat. For more info or to register call Penny 780-618-4741 or the Curling Club 780-624-2861 LADIES NIGHT 1960s ROCK & ROLL (Community) - St. James Anglican Church 5:30pm (doors) 6pm (dinner) - Organized potluck.

Costumes opt. For more info call 780-624-4433.

VICTORIA’S GARDEN CHRISTMAS OPEN HOUSE (Community) - Victoria’s Garden (2nd Driveway past County Office) 6pm

THURSDAY, NOV

10

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) McLennan Elk’s Hall. 10am - Socialize while exercising and having fun. Every Monday and Thursday.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710 KIDS CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 4-5:30pm - Ages 6-9. For more info call 780-322-3954

FRIDAY, NOV

11

REMEMBRANCE DAY DROP-IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership or free with a gym membership. Every Friday.

REMEMBRANCE DAY SERVICE (Community) - TA Norris Middle School 11am HATHOR WORLD MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Horizon Learning Centre 7:30 - 8:45pm - w/ Josee Boulianne & Janet Blayone (1.25h) $11. To register call 780-624-4220.

All information presented in this calendar is gathered from a variety of sources. theVAULTmagazine assumes no responsibility for any misrepresented information. We mean well. Any corrections or compliments can be directed to thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com CRAC K T H E VAULT

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THE FEATURE Is Athabasca Hall Haunted? studio. A light glinted off of one of the mirrors. Chris shrieked and bolted for the nearest exit.

After a few minutes of outside, Chris cautiously re-entered the hall to discover that the glint that had frightened him, was nothing more than an upright vacuum cleaner.

With the lights still dimly lit in the auditorium, I snap some pictures with my phone. I can see little orbs floating around on the screen before the flash goes off.

It could be dust, but they float off in different directions and with different speeds. Probably just dust.

BY JENELLE LIZOTTE Whether or not you entertain paranormal notions, you have to appreciate the fact that some people do. What follows are the experiences and accounts of people who, with varied expectations, went seeking out a paranormal experience. The truth, the reality of the situation is for you to decide.

I

t’s 9:30pm on Oct. 18, the plan is to meet up at the Athabasca Hall after an evening rehearsal.

TheVAULTmagazine crew is on a mission to get to the bottom of a Peace River rumour and find out whether or not Athabasca Hall is haunted.

Armed with my coffee, camera, phone, and notebook, necessities in any ghost hunting expedition, it was ready or not here we go.

There were six of us: Mary, Mark, Buzz, Chris, Tormaigh and Myself.

Mark told us that Sue, the play director would also be joining us.

We decided it was best to enter the hall one by one.

Tormaigh went first, then Buzz, then me.

some pictures and seek out my mates.

The others entered not long after I did.

I find Buzz ascending the stairs leading to the basement. He tells me it’s creepy down there. I go exploring.

Buzz recalls getting a really strange vibe from the hall immediately. He was the first to venture into the basement alone.

As I walked up to the doors, the halogen lights affixed to the building buzzed loudly in my ears.

The air in the foyer was…different. Magnetic? No, that’s not it. It’s hard to explain but the energy was different. Then again, it could just be my nerves.

Chris had later said that he was skeptical going into the hall. An impressionable skeptic, but a skeptic all the same.

Tormaigh had said that upon entering the building he felt insecure, like how one feels when they know something awful is going to happen. The feeling, he said, disappeared after he exited the foyer.

As I walk into the Lounge/Bar Room the furnace clicks on. It’s loud and it carries a whistling sound with it. I try to not to seek out the creepiness of every normal mundane thing. I mean, we were there for a reason. I take

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Almost immediately, when I entered the main room in the basement of the hall, my heart rate elevates. I feel strange.

Again, it could be nerves. But even fully lit, the basement is super creepy. Mary is down here with me now. We explore the basement together.

We all pretty much agree. The basement is wicked creepy.

We loiter in the auditorium for a bit. Tormaigh and Buzz get bored and decided to download ghost-hunting apps and explore downstairs some more. Buzz was able to detect cold spots in the Boiler Room and in the green room—then again it was just an app. Buzz said that the apps he downloaded, a nightvision app, a flashlight app and later a candle app, helped him get through the creepy stuff.

Buzz would later say that the creepiness of the hall made him want to intentionally try to scare one of us.

Mark calls for the spirits to make a noise or turn on a light or whistle or try to make contact.

Turning the lights off in Athabasca Hall intensifies the creepiness ten-fold.

My hands went cold. The hair on the back of my neck stood up on end. I was sitting alone. It was pitch black except for the tiny lights that illuminate the auditorium steps. There is a definite static in the air—a different kind of energy.

Mary later said that when she was sitting alone in the basement, she thought she saw a shadow quickly move across room. She did, however, relent that it could’ve been nothing.

It seemed, as Tormaigh pointed out, that every time Mark asked for a sound to be made, a sound was made. We continued, “Feel free to move things or turn on the lights,” but to no avail.

While walking in the basement alone, Chris walked through a hallway with a wardrobe rack in it. Feeling claustrophobic, he gravitated toward the dance

The sounds we heard, mind you, were mostly explainable: Sue’s cell phone went off a couple of times, a door slammed in the basement where the guys were,

After we all explored the hall a little bit, we decided to turn the lights off and lose ourselves in the ambiance.

or a walkie talkie would go off.

The weirdest noise was a scratching sound that came from the ceiling. We all heard it. We couldn’t all agree, however, where the sound was coming from.

When I was sitting on the right side of the auditorium, I heard it on the left side of the room.

When I moved to the left side of the room, I heard it coming from the right side. Others heard it too, but their location of the sound differs from mine.

Tormaigh said that the sound was like a tapping on metal.

Mary also described the noise as a tapping. I thought of it more as a scratching. Although Tormaigh wanted to remain open-minded about the experience, he felt we were trying too hard to scare ourselves.

It could’ve been the wind or heating ducts or whatever, but it was definitely eerie that we couldn’t all agree as to where it was coming from.

It was getting late. Mark took Sue home.

At about midnight, after Mark returned, we decided to whip out the Ouija board. While Tormaigh runs out to the car to retrieve it, we sit around and swap scary stories.

Mark tells us about the research he’s done into the history of the hall and the alleged paranormal experiences that he’s heard of [see sidebar]. As far as Mark’s stories go, the spirits seem to be predominantly benevolent and mischievous—nothing threatening. Buzz and Chris download candle apps.

Chris found our differing theories interesting, but the stories of the alleged hauntings in the hall did not fit his notions of what a haunting presence might be.

With the Ouija board set up, we use our makeshift planchette (a shot glass), and call out to any available spirits. Nothing happens. We try not to rest our

THE FEATURE elbows on the table to allow the shot glass to move freely. I try my best to only lightly touch the shot glass, but when my arm goes all tingly, I give up. Six participants is a bit much; I sit out of the circle.

When nothing really happens, the circle tries again about 10 minutes later. I sit by, observe and take notes.

Tormaigh noted that when the shot glass began to move, the others in the circle became noticeably anxious and nervous.

The circle asks how many spirits are in the building. The shot glass covers the number 4.

Everyone is freaked out that shot glass is moving. Mark is breathing very heavily.

Mary remembers feeling cold spots in the room. She experiences an overwhelming sadness when the Ouija board starts to work.

I look at everyone’s hands. I try to spot tension, especially in the hand and wrist of those using the Ouija. I cannot see any.

Accusations fly around the room. The participants deny any foul play.

According to the accounts I collected from the participants, everyone claims that they did not move it. They do, however, suspect someone else in the group did.

The circle asks the spirit to spell its first name. The shot glass moves. R-O-A-N is what it spells.

The shot glass is definitely moving. No one will fess up to it.

“Are you the only spirit here Roan?”

The shot glass covers the number 4.

The circle asks again.

“Are you the only spirit here Roan?

The shot glass covers “yes.”

The room is strange. Electric.

As far as I can tell, everyone in the room is legitimately freaked out that the shot glass is moving.

If there is a faker, I cannot spot them.

At about one, Chris has to leave.

He has to work in the morning.

Chris later states that he didn’t really buy the whole Roan thing.

He said it seemed too easy to contact him. He did, however, say that it was strange when the shot glass moved out of his reach.

Mark insists that we get Roan to say Good Bye before we leave the hall. We tell Roan that we’re leaving and we ask him to say Good Bye. The shot glass stops the number 5. Outside the wind suddenly becomes audible and tree branches begin to slap against the window. One last surge of shared adrenaline before the shot glass moves to “Good Bye.”

THE VERDICT: Is Athabasca Hall Haunted?

Tormiagh: Yeah, I’d say. I cannot pin it down, but I believe something real with the Ouija board happened—something I don’t know much about.

Mary: Obliterate all uncertainty and yeah, I guess I could say the place is haunted.

Buzz: As far as the hall being haunted, I cannot say for sure.

Chris: As much as I want to believe, at this point I’m not convinced Athabasca Hall is haunted.

Jenelle: As far as the history goes, many have claimed to have strange experiences in the Hall. I do believe that strange things go on in the hall. I’m just not sure that we tapped into something otherworldly on that night.

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Athabasca Hall: A Haunted HIstory

THE BUILDING Of the many stories involving hauntings of the buildings around Peace River’s St. James Anglican Church, none are as pervasive nor compelling as the supposed haunting of Athabasca Hall. The hall is built on land donated by Pat Wesley, who is buried on the land. He is said to wander the halls of the Deanery, located at the northeast corner of the land.

Athabasca Hall has a somewhat mysterious beginning. According to records at the Peace River Centennial Museum and Archives, it and the church were built in 1935 with a donation from a British widow who asked to remain anonymous. A group of local women who knew the widow’s identity sent Christmas packages to the lady, but no other contact was recorded.

Vancouver-based Twizel and Twizel, Freemasons originally from northern England, were the architects of the two buildings.

Though the buildings are examples of the socalled Arts and Crafts style of construction, the company was famed for their revival of the Gothic style of architecture in Canada.

Though the hall was used for community events from it’s beginnings, it wasn’t until the addition was built and the Town began leasing the building in 1972 that it officially became a community hall. It was purchased by the Town in 1985.

THE GHOSTS The earliest account of a specific ghost theVAULTmagazine has been able to confirm was

by Lorelee Raven, an actress with Peace Players who was participating in a comedy review production. While in the green room, which is located stage left, she was changing costumes and looking in a mirror when a man with a big grin on his face appeared from behind her.

She insists that she was very much alone in the room. She later identified the man from a photograph as a former Peace Players member she had never met and who had passed away in the 1990s.

Mike Patterson is an electrician who has been a Peace Players volunteer for over ten years.

He has spent many evenings alone in the hall doing wiring. Trained in theoretical physics, Patterson considers himself a skeptic, yet he

has experienced unexplainable occurrences in the hall.

There have been numerous occasions where he had turned off a light, passed through the room again, and the light was back on. He is sure he was alone in the building and the wiring was not at fault.

According to Patterson, there have been many instances when he has placed items in specific spots and had them go missing for up to a day, only to be found in another place. He says the location with the most unexplained activities is the attic. There, he has experienced sounds of movement and witnessed shadows move. Patterson insists that rodents or other animals are not the cause of what he has seen and heard.

While painting sets one night for the Peace Players production of “Beauty and the Beast” in the fall of 2009, Sue Gray experienced an obvious paranormal event that was also witnessed by Mark Rieder. While in the backstage area, they heard the whistling of one of the musical numbers “When We’re Human Again.” Upon investigating, the two confirmed there were no other people in the hall. But Rieder insists he saw a shadow moving away as he went to look.

Later that same fall while rehearsing for the dinner theatre production, Gray noticed a lampshade sitting on top of a shelf over the entrance to the green room. Though quite familiar with the props backstage, she had never noticed the lampshade and wondered why it was suddenly there. A few minutes later, she walked under the shelf and the lampshade fell perfectly on top of her head, apparently defying physics since the shade is top heavy and subsequent attempts to reconstruct the event had the shade toppling end over end.

Gray’s most recent eerie experience had her painting sets for the production of Seussical the Musical when the tap of a nearby sink began dripping then flowing full blast. Sue, this time afraid because she was alone yelled for the tap to stop and moments later it slowly turned off again.

All of the people theVAULTmagazine spoke with in researching these stories say that despite their somewhat scary experiences, they are not afraid of the ghost(s) and that there is a humour to all they have witnessed. They also say they do not hesitate to enter the hall.

CRACK T H E VAULT

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ENTERTAINMENT Deaner Rocks Athabasca Hall

BY JENELLE LIZOTTE

P all.

ilsners were shotgunned, heads were banged and good times were had by

The Social’s second event was a success.

FUBAR’s Deaner and his band Night Seeker along with opening act Monster Truck rocked the Athabasca Hall on October 22. If you missed it, you missed out fer sure.

We arrived at the crowded venue just before the live DVD commentary began, grabbed a couple Pils and some seats. The screen was illuminated and the

pre-show DVD menu played clips from the film on a loop.

Mullet-wigged, fake moustached security stood by, as the predominantly young male crowd anxiously chanted for Deaner to join us.

After Deputy Mayor, and Social Organizer, North Darling introduced Deaner, he came out to much applause, shotgunned a Pilsner, dropkicked the can and burped.

Deaner’s commentary on FUBAR 2 was hilarious and the legend was gracious enough to talk to random concert-goers who approached the stage, despite the fact that he was in the

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middle of giving commentary.

He was jovial and very friendly throughout. He was everyone’s buddy.

After the commentary was over, Monster Truck took the stage.

The Ontario band’s unique blend of metal and sincere rock and roll got everyone pumped.

After they played the boys worked the merch booth. They were very modest and down-toearth, signing autographs and eating fruit sold by the Curtis Marshall Memorial Skatepark Committee, who were getting the proceeds earned from the event.

When Night Seeker took the

stage, the crowd got wild.

Deaner donned a black cape, jeans and a worn RATT t-shirt.

He grabbed his Warlock Bass and totally rocked it.

“taken ‘er down slow.” He took his cape off and eased into Poison’s “Every Rose Has its Thorn,” a song that he played in FUBAR 2.

As the night wore on, Pilsners were going down easy, there was a semi-mosh pit and someone found a lampshade to wear on the dance floor.

When asked about the success of the event, North Darling said in an email to theVAULTmagazine, “The Social is quickly becoming known as a non-profit Society with its finger on the pulse of what’s happening, and what’s important, to the under 35 crowd in Peace River.” He added, “Look for The Social to be a big part of the scene in the years to come. We’re proud that we sold Peace River out of Pilsner. Rock on.”

One of the highlights for me was hearing Night Seeker’s rendition of a tune that Joan Jett made famous in the ‘80s. Deaner sang, “I love getting drunk. Put another beer in my hand now, Baby.”

As the night was winding down, Deaner announced that he was

ENTERTAINMENT theVAULTmagazine Paranormal Activity 3

Staff P icks Horror Flicks

TORMAIGH

House of 1000 Corpses My favorite horror movie without a doubt is Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses. It is definitely gory and frightening, but what’s more is it’s the most visually stimulating and haunting movie I have seen.

PHOTO: PARAMOUNT PICTURES

around with Dennis’s new camera when an earthquake hits. After capturing a strange Director(s): Henry Joost & form on camera, paired with Ariel Schulman Kristi’s strange imaginary friend Toby, Dennis is suitStarring: Katie Featherston & ably paranoid enough to Sprague Graydon place a few cameras around winced. I looked away. I the house. buried my head into my Ghostly occurrences happen, boyfriend’s shoulder. movie-goers are suitable

A REVIEW BY JENELLE LIZOTTE

I

Been there, done that perhaps, but it was fresh enough to put me in the mood for Halloween.

The film does leave some unanswered questions and many internet commentators were cheesed that many of the scenes in the trailer did not make it into the final film.

PA3 killed it opening weekend raking in $54 million in the domestic Box Office.

Set 18 years prior, Paranormal The film was successful in get- According to Box Office Activity 3 is a prequel to ting under your skin because Mojo, the film had the the first two in the horror it plays on the fear of the un- strongest horror debut ever known. What goes on in our franchise. and even beat out last year’s houses while we sleep? Are the Set in 1988, sisters Katie and kids okay in the other room? Jackass 3D for the highest grossing fall film.

Kristi, the “stars” of PA1 and What was that noise?

PA2, respectively, live in a Paranormal Activity 3 is the house where strange occur- PA3 is reminiscent of The perfect date movie to get into rences are disturbing the Blair Witch Project and the the Halloween spirit.

Last Exorcism with its found family. footage, handycam style, sans I give it 4 nightlights out of 5.

K&K’s mother, Julie, and her the shaky, sometimes nauseatboyfriend Dennis are fooling ing camera work.

Paranormal Activity 3 is the real deal.

freaked out, and everyone goes home satisfied.

READ THEVAULTMAGAZINE BLOG WWW.THEVAULTMAGAZINE.TUMBLR.COM WIN FREE STUFF WITH THE FRIDAY TRIVIA QUESTION UPDATED MON-FRI

Colourful and deranged characters and unique cinematography make this film a well-deserved underground classic. In an age when horror movies about psychopathic families have become a staple, a genre of horror in itself, House of 1000 Corpses succeeds in cutting a new brand of edge and rawness that will stay with you.

MARK

The Exorcist Director William Friedkin opened the door for a new generation of horror films with his 1973 adaptation of William Peter Blatty’s novel The Exorcist.

Freidkin’s revolutionary use of subliminal imagery resulted in movie-goers becoming physically ill in theatres and garnered him both kudos and criticism for doing so.

Though somewhat dated in the special effects department, the movie’s story line and execution holds up to today’s more jaded theatre-goer. The scene where a momentary flash of the demon’s face appears on screen as the camera descends into a subway station is memorable as the moment where people had chills up and down their spines.

JENELLE

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre Tobe Hooper’s 1974 gore-fest The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is often touted as one of the scariest films of all time. It is certainly one of the most influential, spawning dozens upon dozens of films using the “crazy family CRAC K T H E VAULT

of psychopaths” formula and influencing the modern day slasher flick. The film also had a number of sequels and remakes (TCM 3D hits theatres in 2012).

Leatherface is a menacing figure who has managed to climb the ranks of horror icons up there with Freddy, Jason and Chucky.

I have loved this film since I first saw it in my teens. Initially banned in several countries for its gruesome content, it has lasting power. It still scares me and I’ve seen it like 100 times.

MARY

Evil Dead The cult classic Evil Dead still remains at the top of my list.

Although it has several imperfections, for an insanely low budget horror film, Evil Dead deserves some props. Any special effects present are more creative than any CGI junkie has been pulling out of his ass in horror today.

Evil Dead had a great variety of creative plot elements, which in the horror industry, can be difficult to come by.

CHRIS

Silent Night, Deadly Night There’s enough blood and suspense to make 1984’s Silent Night, Deadly Night a moderately good horror movie but it was the effect the film had on society and what that reaction said about society itself that really makes it stand out.

With a sub-par plot and cheesy as a 1984 horror flick can be, the film was actually pulled from theatres because it portrayed a killer who dressed as Santa Claus. Critics were appalled and parents’ groups exploded with righteous indignation, so the studio pulled it. By today’s standards it was tame, and it was later watered down and rereleased but if there’s anything more evil than Santa Claus and scarier than holier-than-thou parents’ groups, I’ve yet to experience it.

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ARTS Artist Directory BUZZ LORENZEN

Rebecca Russell: Photographer one of the lucky few to have seen her work, you would likely agree it is awe inspiring.

Musician (Deeply melodic and even more deeply insane. The anecdote to the emptiness of existence.) drbuzzmd@yahoo.com

In addition to photography, Russell uses a wide variety of media—pencil crayons, paint, and even a strange array of doll parts and wood. In the spirit of Halloween, Russell is ready and willing to share her art, photography, and thoughts with the rest of us.

CAROLYN GERK Pencil, Acrylic, & Watercolor (Portraits, landscapes, still life, children’s decor, murals, personalized items, decorative art and gifts. Requests welcome) 780-625-1215 carolyn.2345@hotmail.com FB: Creative Design by Carolyn

MARY WARREN Graphite & Ink (Realistic to animated, I enjoy working with nearly all mediums and art forms. I also dabble in clothing design.) sickyslimys@hotmail.com

BY: MARY WARREN

D

o you remember that shy kooky girl? The one attracted to rainbow paraphernalia and shiny objects. That girl is Rebecca Russell. Chances are, unless you’ve been to a Dixonville craft sale or checked out her photography on Facebook, you haven’t seen her art. However, if you are

VERNON LEDGER Musician (Guitar, Bass, Piano, Vocals. Band: A New Direction. Teaches Song Writing, Jams, Available for events.)

780-624-2693 nervedge1984@live.com

SUSAN THOMPSON Dancer (Belly dance, fire dance, fire fans, palm torches, LED fans, choreographed or freestyle, go-go dancing) vantom@xplornet.com FB: Sisu Belly Dancer

ARIANA HAMMERBERG Oil, Acrylic, & Watercolour (Landscapes,abstract,mixed media) 780-625-1794 ahammerberg@yahoo.com FB: Paintings by Ariana Are you an artist or musician who would like to be featured in theVAULTmagazine’s Artist Directory? Email us your info at thevaultmagazine@hotmail. com

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OCTO B E R 28, 20 11

Russell says that her inspiration comes from her imagination, books, movies, and sometimes dreams. The dreams of Rebecca Russell are a vibrant fantastical place often consumed by vivid colours and, at times, devoured by the darkness of nightmares.

“I’ve always been a fan of horror movies. When I was a little kid that was all I’d ever watch.

I think they influenced me by giving me a larger imagination into the world of the unreal and unknown. I think what fascinates me is it’s different and affects people in different ways.

I like to see people’s reactions to things.”

Russell’s interest in art, she explains, comes more from a cartoon-based style as opposed to realism, and a lot of her inspiration when developing certain characters actually comes from comic books such as Oink by John Mueller or Conan the Barbarian, which are among her favourites.

“I’d like people to see my work more. It gets out there a little at a time. I am happy with the way it’s going though. I let people decide. What I may not like, some people do,” said Russell.

Russell’s photographs look like they were taken deliberately to be eye catching or different in some way. Unlike many photographers today, Russell strays away from joining the mass mania of photo editing. “I like them to be as original as possible, but sometimes to get a proper effect it has to be done.”

Much of Russell’s photography deals with elements found in nature, but she has a few creepy staged photos lurking in her collection, and her imagination really shines through.

“It’s a reminder of my younger years. Each time I take a gory or creepy picture, it’s like an instant flashback.”

Take a minute. Catch your breath, and allow Russell’s photography to capture your soul.

LIFESTYLE HIV North: Aids service in the Peace country SUBMITTED BY SKYLA MODY, HIV NORTH PEACE RIVER REP.

A

ll individuals and communities in Alberta’s Peace Country will have the ability, capacity, and inspiration to eliminate the harm caused by HIV. This is the vision of the HIV North Society, our local AIDS service organization.

Originally incorporated as the South Peace AIDS Council, HIV North has been providing services to the Peace Region for nearly 25 years and was the third AIDS service organization (ASO) formed in the province.

It was founded by a group of volunteers and activists who recognized that in order to strengthen community response to the spread of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, there would

need to be an organization north of Edmonton to reach out to rural communities.

In 2000, the agency changed its name from the South Peace AIDS Council to HIV North to reflect that they were now providing education, prevention, and support services all over the Peace Country.

As the number of HIV positive cases in Alberta steadily increased through the 1980s and ‘90s, it became more evident that the scope of the programs at HIV North would have to expand as well. In 1987 there were 101 people in the province who had tested positive for HIV. According to Alberta Health & Wellness, this number has ballooned to over 5000 as of 2009.

Our staff members have been dedicated to providing

workshops and presentations on HIV/AIDS since HIV North’s incorporation. Community outreach has also been a priority for the agency to remain accessible to high risk or hard-to-reach populations in our communities.

A pivotal point came for the agency in 1994 when it started Grande Prairie’s first needle exchange. This successful program is operated through the HIV North main office at #303, 9804-100 Avenue as well as through 12 pharmacies in Grande Prairie, Sexsmith and Beaverlodge.

In 2007, HIV North added a Hepatitis C program, while further funding in 2008 allowed for a street outreach nurse program as well as a drop-in for women working in the sex trade. HIV North also provides onsite testing for HIV as well as Hepatitis

C. Specific to Peace River, HIV North Society has expanded capacity with full-time staff providing on-site services since May 2011 at the Sagitawa Friendship Centre at 10108-100 Avenue.

This exciting development is the result of a partnership between Sagitawa and HIV North that focuses on the development of a culturally relevant HIV curriculum for the Aboriginal community and one-on-one support for people living with HIV in the area.

Also available in Peace River is access to a variety of print resources as well as several safer sex supplies such as condoms, female condoms, flavoured condoms, lubricant, and dental dams. All our services are free and confidential.

As is the case with all Peace Country area non-profit agencies, the HIV North Society is indebted to its dedicated board of directors and other energetic volunteers. Over the years, the society’s efforts have been fueled forward by a number of strong activists, and the need for increased public awareness is as true today as it was in 1987.

As long as HIV continues to affect the lives of Albertans, there will be a need for ASOs. Everyone is encouraged to drop

by Sagitawa and learn about the HIV North Society—it’s a community resource.

The Singularity: A Modern Fear

BY MARK RIEDER

A

s Halloween approaches, we at theVAULTmagazine begin to ask ourselves, “what scares us the most here in the 21st Century?” A good question, I think.

conviction that it is a pointless endeavour.

Now, as I am well entrenched in middle age, I realize it is the notion of not dying that I fear.

I recently watched the documentary Transcendent Man, which is based on theories that technology may eventually make humankind immortal. The main theory explored is “the singularity,” a situation where three aspects of technology –genetics, nanotechnology, and robotics will combine to create transcendent man—the next step in our evolution. This concept, coined by science fiction author Vernor Vinge, was popularized by a renowned futurist and inventor of the computer scanner, Ray Kurzweil.

It’s not because I embrace the possibility of meeting my maker, a concept that frankly I am not able to fully accept. The reason I fear immortality is my

This belief has gained growing popularity, and it now has a dedicated following among the wealthy. For there is one truth about technology, it is the

As a child in the 1960s, it was the boogeyman under the bed that caused my despair and nightmares. As a youth, it was vampire movies. But as an adult, it ultimately became the spectre of death that I feared the most.

plaything of the rich. And I find it revealing that the attachment the wealthy has to the material world often dictates how they deal with their own mortality and their disconnect to their spirituality. Indeed, what use is there for a god, when there is no afterlife?

The transcendent man theory claims it will be possible to make “copies” of our consciousness. So if we are accidentally killed, the copy will be able to take over our lives. The question remains however… is a copy of our consciousness really us, or is it a separate entity?

Apparently, in Kurzweil’s philosophy, the soul does not exist.

But it is not the possibility of a lack of a soul, nor the possibility of the non-existence of heaven or hell, that repels me. It

is the absolute hubris of thinkers who claim that immortality is a desirable state of being. I see immortality as a horrific situation, an inescapable nightmare that would breed a further lack of respect for life—contempt for those who were not able to afford immortality—and an ever deepening lack of empathy for others in a world already increasingly devoid of it.

It is our mortality, our incredibly tenuous grasp of life, the delicate balance and lack of guarantee we will live a long and happy life, that allow us to become kind and loving beings, or indeed to become murderous or destructive—in other words human.

What Kurzweil proposes is not the next step for humanity; it is the death of humanity.

CRAC K T H E VAULT

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CONTEST WINNER: ZOMBIE FICTION

Containment Breach A short story by Seth O’ Morrow SETH IS THE WINNER OF THEVAULTMAGAZINE’S ZOMBIE FICTION CONTEST! CONGRATULATIONS SETH YOU ARE THE WINNER OF TWO PASSES TO RIVER CITY CINEMA. THANK YOU TO ALL WHO ENTERED. WE HAD A REALLY TOUGH TIME CHOOSING A WINNER. KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR MORE CONTESTS FROM THEVAULTMAGAZINE.

I

t was on October 3rd, 2010 that the Fusion Corp. facility in Quantico, Virginia went quiet. The pharmaceuticals company was commercially appealing, however, it hid some very terrible secrets. Within their facility at Quantico, Fusion was experimenting with a new pharmaceutical product known as “Typhon.” Typhon was being advertised as a drug that could treat serious heart conditions and liver disease, for a reasonable subscription fee of fifty dollars per month. Tests on cats had revealed that the drug yielded positive results four out of five times. Fusion was raking in thousands of dollars from pharmacies eager to put the new product on shelves.

In reality, commercial Typhon was a bi-product of a biological weapon that Fusion was producing for the Marine Corps. The intended effects of the Typhon bio-weapon were death upon exposure, and various minor effects like impaired hearing and vision. However, the product was still in stage two, meaning that the chemical was not yet stable enough to be released.

Early in stage two, the Marine Corps. brought in detainees from Guantanamo Bay as test subjects for the chemical. The desired results were produced (the subjects died within seconds of exposure), and the scientists first believed the product to be stable. However, within moments of death, the detainees rose to their feet once more and attacked a group of scientists. Of the nine men and women, three were eaten alive, the rest merely bitten. As the marines tried to contain the reanimated detainees, the six scientists that had been bitten lurched and fell to the ground. Just like the detainees, they climbed to their feet

shortly after death and attacked the other people in the facility.

In two hours, one third of the facility staff had either been bitten or eaten alive. The marines found no possible way to put down the undead force. Bullets to the brain or removal of limbs only slowed them down. The marines even tried decapitating the beasts, but then they would just stumble around without a head.

After hours of fierce battle, the marines pinned the creatures in the containment chambers and locked the doors. The creatures pounded on the doors for five hours straight until they seemingly gave up and slumped in their chambers. The scientists were baffled. Typhon, their pet project and power bio-weapon, had turned nearly half of the facilitators into apparent “zombies,” undead creatures with a taste for human flesh.

Ten days had passed since that fateful day. The dead still slumped in their chambers. From what the scientists could tell, they were thinking.

Planning. Planning what, they didn’t know. Moreover, they didn’t want to know. But they could feel something coming, something very, very bad.

The day after the incident, the head researcher at the facility, Doctor Paul Eldritch, was held responsible by Fusion for reasons of “careless misconduct.” He was replaced by one of Fusion’s leading scientists, Doctor Henry Goris. Goris had led many of Fusion’s top research projects, and was a renowned physicist and engineer. Rumour around the facility was that Fusion’s CEO personally had Eldritch “removed” so as to avoid any further incidents.

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OCTO B E R 28, 20 11

In the eight days since work at the facility had resumed, production of Typhon was moving along at a surprising rate thanks to the genius and intuition of Dr. Goris. Fusion was ready to put the incidents of September 23rd behind them. It was a small sacrifice to pay.

But on this day, October 3rd, Fusion would find that the events ten days prior were just a prelude to an even greater horror. It began at approximately 2 PM. Production was running far ahead of schedule, and everyone under Goris kept telling him how great he was doing, that he had dug them out of Eldritch’s hole, and that Typhon would be ready to be deployed within months. Everything was seemingly going well. However, security had recently stopped patrolling the area around the containment chambers as they now believed that the dead had given up their efforts. Still, they had an officer watch the security system just in case they tried something odd.

Unfortunately, the officer they assigned for the job wasn’t particularly good at his work. Case in point, the officer, Matt Dellums, had been napping in the surveillance room since lunch, and nobody had thought to check on him. Of course, this wouldn’t be a problem alone because the dead hadn’t the strength to simply break out of their confinement.

The problem, however, was that Officer Dellums arm rested next to the trigger that controlled the chamber doors. If he released the trigger, the doors would open and the facility would surely be swarmed by the dead.

On the production floor, Goris was taking a short break to play Blackjack with one of his fellow

scientists. As of a quarter past two, Goris had earned seventytwo dollars while his friend, playing dealer, had won five. As he dealt for the fifteenth time, he and Goris were suddenly disturbed by the sound of an alarm.

After a moment of confusion, Goris walked over to the intercom and called in to Dellums.

“Matt? Matt, what just happened? What’s on your screen?”

“Oh, yeah, sure thing.” Dellums yawned once more, then walked over to the surveillance screen.

He gasped, then ran back to the receiver. “Hank! The doors are open. You gotta get out of there. The doors are open, those zombie-things are getting out!”

There was the sound of Matt fumbling as he climbed over to the receiver. “Hey, Hank, how are you?” He yawned. “What do you need?”

The door of the production floor burst open. The scientists gasped in unison as the dead poured in.

Goris struggled in a vain attempt at resistance, but it was no use.

The facility had been taken.

“Check your screens. We heard an alarm.”

Goris scoffed. “You imbecile! Do you see what you’ve done?! We’re all going to--”

The dead walked the Earth.

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RANT P

eople in the town of Peace River seriously need to take some driving lessons and learn what a merge means. Have you noticed how many accidents happen in this town at both entrances to the bridge where the merges are? I have!

by vehicles that are on the highway behind me when they speed up to get ahead of the merging vehicle. On two occasions this summer I was nearly run off the road when merging on my motorcycle. Another hazard is when people merge onto the highway going much slower than the highway I merge several times a speed. This is very danday to cross the Peace gerous as it disrupts the River Bridge from both flow of traffic. the north end and from Lower West Peace. On a A merge should act like regular basis I get cut off a zipper. When vehicles CRACK T H E VAULT

merge onto a highway, they should use the entrance ramp to get up to highways speeds, then the vehicle that is further ahead, has the right of way, whether they are on the highway or the entrance ramp.

Maybe some driving education on how to merge for the Town of Peace River residents would increase safety on our roads.

Candace L.

theVAULTmagazine

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18 theVAULTmagazine

O CTO B E R 28, 20 11

LOCAL

The Final Sentence A SHORT STORY BY MARY WARREN AND TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

A

coy grin flashed over Mr. Donaldson’s face as he noticed the jury had swayed to his side.

“Who knew that I, the outsider, would dig up dirt on a respectable family and win everyone’s heart? The Howards will be exposed all right—their dirty laundry aired out to dry in this courthouse, and as far as the jury is concerned, it stinks. Harold never should have touched my Edie. That rotten wife thief. Any moment now and they will read the verdict. I can tell already; I’m a free man,” thought Donaldson.

A jury member stood and broke the silence, “We, the members of the jury, find the defendant, Ralph Donaldson,” he close his eyes and savored the dramatic pause, “not guilty.” The courthouse erupted in cheer.

“These people love me,” Donaldson thought to himself as Edie rushed over and wrapped her arms around him.

“Heck, I love this woman. It only took four bullets in Harold to win her back. We’ll travel back to America in the morning and we’ll do things right this time. She will have my children and live in my home. Every day we will remember how far I am willing to go to protect my Edie, my rightful property.”

and crawled over Peace River Crossing.

“My sleepless nights are behind me, my trial is over, and Edie is in her long white night gown beckoning me to bed,” Donaldson reflected as he reached over to dampen out the kerosene lamp. He found himself grinning as he had earlier in the court house. He looked over at her, preparing to reap his rewards for the services he had performed for his woman.

“Canadians just have no sense of ownership,” thought Donaldson.

“Only an all-American man can protect his woman in this forsaken wilderness. I may be celebrated as a hero of marriage here in Peace River Crossing, but this settlement leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Oh well— nothing Edie’s supple flesh can’t wash away.”

Donaldson slid into the warm bed when three loud thuds echoed inside their small home.

“The door? At this hour? To Hell with ‘em. Heck, I might even meet them there one day. Until then, they can get their behinds off my porch,” Donaldson decided. Three more knocks rang out.

the drawer next to the bed.

“Send them away,” Edie anxiously urged.

“I’ll send them away alright,” Donaldson said calmly as his fingers kissed the cold steel hidden in the drawer.

THUD, THUD, THUD, THWA-CRACK! The door suddenly blew open and the light from several torches flooded in. Faces hidden behind potato sacks and hoods triggered instant panic as the couple scampered under the bed sheets. Edie’s screams were distant as she shrunk back and melted in terror. Donaldson froze. “These people will lynch us,” he slowly realized.

“It wasn’t me,” Donaldson cried.

There was a pause before he regrouped his thoughts. “What’s the meaning of all this? Me and the misses are trying to sleep.”

forced to walk. Each step intensified the dread. Several minutes passed as he walked. “I can hear my Edie’s hesitant footsteps as those monsters drag her behind me,” Donaldson deduced. Just then, a shove knocked him to the hard cold earth. He could feel the sticks and thorns poke and prick his skin as tremors erupted from his body. “I need an outhouse,” he said and embarrassment flushed his cheeks.

The thin night air was cut by a familiar voice, “We know the truth about you Mr. Donaldson.

We know you murdered Harold Howard. Self-defense?”

Donaldson cringed as he heard the deafening scoff. “Reasonable doubt? Maybe. Maybe not. On paper you have been set free, but to us, Mr. Donaldson, you are dead. May God have mercy on your soul for we have all judged you…YOU’RE GUILTY DONALDSON!”

No response. It felt like a dream until a masked assailant kicked him out of the bed. His body flung forward and landed tersely on the cold wood floor. His gun remained in the drawer. A potato sack is pulled tightly over his head.

He felt the veil being pulled from his eyes and watched as the flames licked the shadows with devilish romance. Donaldson recoiled from a familiar stench-they were at the centre of Rotten Row.

“Now I can’t see, save the haunting glow of those torches,” he thought as Edie’s screams became muffled. “She’s being gagged. What will they do? Burn us maybe. A lynch mob makes gunfire seem decent.”

“Edie Donaldson, you will die as a witch and seductress. You shall be judged by all those present.

Your flesh will burn, your blood will boil, and you will scream until you’re dead, dead, DEAD,” dictated the terrifying voice.

screaming wife and tied her to a wooden pole, but he could still hear her excruciatingly dull screams. She blubbered and pleaded. No longer a lusty and defiant wife, young Edie was just a little girl far from home.

One by one, torches flew into the pile of wood where she was erected. Her chest heaved as she gasped for air between cries.

Donaldson knew the worst was yet to come. As the fire burned brighter, he began to smell burnt hair and flesh.

The voice rang out once again, “As for you Mr. Donaldson, we have something special.”

Donaldson’s eyes widened in horror as the sharp and rusty tool was pressed against his face. “Those are shears,” he realized as he looked onto the face of his oppressor. “The familiar voice is…the judge from the courthouse.” Donaldson’s fear mounted as red hot shears sliced into his body. She was gone. He heard only sparks from the fire.

As his flesh was slowly torn he continuously prayed, “May God have mercy on my soul,” until his body fell limp.

THIS STORY IS LOOSELY BASED ON THE STORY OF PEACE RIVER’S FIRST HOMICIDE. FOR THE REAL STORY, VISIT THE PEACE RIVER CENTENNIAL MUSEUM AND Dusk came quickly. Hues of ARCHIVES. WHILE YOU’RE pinks and gold dissipated into THERE, PICK UP A CONTEST the darkening night sky. Fog Donaldson tried to look away CODE FOR THE CONTEST BEDonaldson slowly reached for He was lifted to his feet and crept up from the river bank as two burly men grabbed his LOW. GOOD LUCK! “What is this? Old man Howard maybe,” he thought in a panic.

“Undoubtedly, he’s coming to discuss his son’s injustice. I know something to make that old coot keep quiet.”

CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

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Oddities HALLOWEEN EDITION II

oral sex, engaging in anal sex, dressing a certain way, having group sex, having sex with I am a young female with out a sex a stranger, kissing an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlpartner, so I would like to know how friend, being sexual with someone you always to achieve my most intense orgasm wanted to, seeing a celebrity naked, and so on.

BY DR. DEBBY HERBENICK

during masturbation.

M

asturbation is something that many women and men, whether single or in a relationship, enjoy as part of their sexual experiences. There are many ways to enjoy pleasurable masturbation experiences.

However, let’s start with why you want to have one.

I mention this only because I sometimes find that I meet people – especially women – who are masturbating and trying to have orgasms during masturbation only because they feel that they “should” or that it’s something that most women their age do. In fact, some women and men never masturbate. Other people masturbate at some points in their lives but not others. If you’re not particularly interested in masturbating, you might reassure yourself that you don’t have to in order to be normal or like other women.

If, on the other hand, you’re interested in masturbating and/or you enjoy it and would simply like to explore various ways to spruce it up, there are a number of ways to do this.

A key way to enhance your masturbation is to engage your mind. Try to think of something that you find sexy. This varies from person to person. For some people, it’s thinking about having sex with one or more women. For others, it’s thinking about sex with one or more men. In the realm of sexual fantasies, anything is possible. You might fantasize about being dominant, submissive, stripping, engaging in

Other times, people engage their mind by watching porn. You can do these things alone or you can do them while masturbating with your hands and/or a vibrator. Keep in mind, too, that there are many ways to masturbate.

While some women predominantly stimulate their clitoris, others focus stimulation on their labia (vaginal lips). Some women stimulate their own breasts, perhaps with lubricant or lotion to make it feel more sensual. Other times, women stimulate the area around their anus, or they insert something inside their anus and rectum for stimulation.

To learn more about women’s masturbation, check out my book Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction or the book Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mindblowing Sex. Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, The I Love You More Book, and Read My Lips: A Complete Guide to the Vagina and Vulva. Find our blog, sex information and archived Q&A at www.

KinseyConfidential.org.

KINSEY CONFIDENTIAL IS A SERVICE OF THE KINSEY INSTITUTE. FOR MORE GOOD SEX INFORMATION, PODCASTS, OR TO SUBMIT A QUESTION, VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.KINSEYCONFIDENTIAL.ORG.”

DURING SLEEP PARALYSIS, ONE CANNOT MOVE ONE’S LIMBS AND MAY EXPERIENCE HALLUCINATIONS. SLEEP PARALYSIS HAS INSPIRED FOLKLORE WHERE DEMONS LIE ON A VICTIM’S CHEST SO THEY CANNOT MOVE, BREATHE, OR SCREAM.

DAVY JONES’S LOCKER IS AN IDIOM FOR THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA--THE FINAL RESTING PLACE FOR DROWNED SAILORS. DAVY JONES IS SAID TO BE THE VENGEFUL SPIRIT OF THE SEA.

ACCORDING TO ALGONQUIAN MYTH, THE WENDIGO IS A MALEVOLENT SPIRIT THAT COULD POSSESS AND TRANSFORM INTO HUMANS. THE BASILISK IS SAID TO BE THE KING OF SERPENTS WHO CAN KILL A HUMAN WITH A SINGLE GLANCE. A SUCCUBUS IS A FEMALE DEMON WHO TAKES THE FORM OF A HUMAN WOMAN TO SEDUCE MEN. AN ENCOUNTER WITH A SUCCUBUS CAN LEAD TO SICKNESS OR DEATH. A MALE SUCCUBUS IS CALLED AN INCUBUS.

SERIAL KILLED ED GEIN CREATED “WOMEN SUITS” FROM THE SKIN OF HIS VICTIMS TO SATISFY HIS DESIRE OF BECOMING A WOMAN. GEIN’S HOUSE, THE LOCALE OF HIS HEINOUS CRIMES, WAS BURNED TO THE GROUND THREE DAYS BEFORE IT WAS TO BE AUCTIONED OFF TO BECOME A TOURIST ATTRACTION. ALTHOUGH ARSON WAS SUSPECTED, THE CRIME REMAINS UNSOLVED.

THE FIRST KNOWN MENTION OF TRICK-ORTREATING IN NORTH AMERICA, WAS IN BLACKIE, ALBERTA IN 1927.

What’s a Wi-Fi? Without getting into technicalities, Wi-Fi is a method of Many people are already taking wirelessly connecting to the it for granted, but its only been Internet--keyword: wirelessly. a few years since Wi-Fi became the latest word to enter our casual Much like television or cell conversations, so it’s understand- phone signals, Wi-Fi uses radio able that a lot of people are still waves, though at a much higher unaware of what exactly Wi-Fi is frequency to transmit informaand how to use it. Whether you tion. The vast majority of newer like it or not, the digital age is laptops, smart phones and upon us, so you may as well take videogame consoles are fully capable of connecting to a Wi-Fi advantage of it.

BY: CHRIS ZWICK

20 theVAULTmagazine

OCTO B E R 28, 20 11

network. Most devices make it pretty simple to search for and connect to nearby networks. Just find your network connections, search for, and then enable your desired wireless network.

Desktop computers require more equipment to find and connect to the internet without a mess of wires and cabling. You’ll need a wireless router to convert the digital signals into radio waves

and back. For the most part, one router in a house or apartment can provide access for several devices. You’ll also need a wireless network adapter to interpret those signals into something the computer understands. These are often built into devices or can be connected externally via a USB port. With a built in Wi-Fi hotspot, many mobile devices will actually give off a wireless signal that can also be used by

others if necessary.

Many businesses, educational institutions, hotels, airports and even private residences will provide you access to their secure network with a password. And more and more municipalities, like Peace River, are considering offering free Wi-Fi to residents and visitors in specific areas.

Free Will Astrology

by Rob Brezsny © Copyright 2011

HOMEWORK:

FOR THE WEEK OF OCT. 27 TO NOV. 2

Scare yourself with your exquisite

beauty. Freak yourself out by realizing how amazing you are. Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Life is not just a diurnal LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Microbiologist Raul Cano man- who ever lived. property of large interesting vertebrates,” poet Gary Snyder reminds us in his book The Practice of the Wild.

“It is also nocturnal, anaerobic, microscopic, digestive, fermentative: cooking away in the warm dark.” I call this to your attention, Aries, because according to my astrological reckoning, you’d be wise to honor all the life that is cooking away in the warm dark. It’s the sun-atmidnight time of your long-term cycle; the phase when your luminescent soul throbs with more vitality than your shiny ego. Celebrate the unseen powers that sustain the world. Pay reverence to what’s underneath, elusive, and uncanny. Halloween costume tips: Draw inspiration from the shadow, the dream, the moon, the depths.

aged to obtain a 45-million-year-old strain of yeast from an ancient chunk of amber. It was still alive!

Collaborating with a master brewer, he used it to make a brand of beer. One critic praised Fossil Fuel pale ale for its sweetness and clove aroma, while another said it has a “complex and well-developed taste profile.” I regard their successful project as a good metaphor for the task you have ahead of you in the coming weeks, Leo: extracting the vital essence from an old source, and putting it to work in the creation of a valuable addition to your life. Halloween costume suggestions: a friendly ghost, a polite and helpful mummy, a cloned version of Buddha, the person you were as a child.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Speaking on behalf of the VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “When I read a book on cosmic powers-that-be, I hereby give you permission to make your love bigger and braver. Raise it to the next level, Taurus! Help it find a higher expression. Wherever your love has felt pinched or claustrophobic, treat it to a liberation. If it has been hemmed in by a lack of imagination, saturate it with breezy fantasies and flamboyant dreams. Cut it free from petty emotions that have wounded it, and from sour memories that have weighed it down. What else could you do to give love the poetic license it needs to thrive? Halloween costume suggestion: the consummate lover.

Einstein’s physics of which I understood nothing, it doesn’t matter,” testified Pablo Picasso, “because it will make me understand something else.” You might want to adopt that approach for your own use in the coming weeks, Virgo. It’s almost irrelevant what subjects you study and investigate and rack your brains trying to understand; the exercise will help you stretch your ability to master ideas that have been beyond your reach -- and maybe even stimulate the eruption of insights that have been sealed away in your subconscious mind. Halloween costume suggestion: an eager student, a white-coated lab researcher, Curious George.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ve heard the old platitude, LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Sit, walk, or run, but don’t “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” The owner of a pizzeria in Mildura, Australia updated that sentiment in 2010 when the area was invaded by swarms of locusts.

“They’re crunchy and tasty,” he said of the bugs, which is why he used them as a topping for his main dish.

It so happens that his inventive approach would make good sense for you right now, Gemini. So if life gives you a mini-plague of locusts, make pizza garnished with the delectable creatures. Halloween costume suggestion: pizza delivery person carrying this novel delicacy.

wobble,” says the Zen proverb. Now I’m passing it on to you as advice worthy of your consideration. Maintaining clarity of purpose will be crucial in the coming weeks.

Achieving crispness of delivery will be thoroughly enjoyable. Cultivating unity among all your different inner voices will be a high art you should aspire to master.

Whatever you do, Libra, do it with relaxed single-mindedness. Make a sign that says “No wobbling,” and tape it to your mirror. Halloween costume suggestion: Be the superhero known as No Wobbling.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some doors are almost SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You could preside over your always locked. On those infrequent occasions when they are ajar, they remain so for only a brief period before being closed and bolted again. In the coming weeks, Cancerian, I urge you to be alert for the rare opening of such a door. Through luck or skill or a blend of both, you may finally be able to gain entrance through -- or perhaps exit from -- a door or portal that has been shut tight for as long as you remember. Halloween costume suggestion: the seeker who has found the magic key.

very own Joy Luck Club in the coming days. According to my reading of the astrological omens, the levels of gratification possible could exceed your normal quota by a substantial margin. You may want to Google the Chinese character that means “double happiness” and use it as your ruling symbol. And it might be time to explore and experiment with the concepts of “super bliss,” “sublime delight,” and “brilliant ecstasy.” Halloween costume suggestions: a saintly hedonist from paradise; a superhero whose superpower is the ability to experience extreme amounts of pleasure; the luckiest person

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): For over a hundred years,

an English woman named Lena Thouless celebrated her birthday on November 23. When she was 106, her daughter found her birth certificate and realized that mom had actually been born on November 22. I’m guessing that a comparable correction is due in your own life, Sagittarius. Something you’ve believed about yourself for a long time is about to be revealed as slightly off. Halloween costume suggestion: a version of yourself from a parallel reality or another dimension.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Everyone is a genius at least once a year,” said scientist Georg Lichtenberg.

According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, the coming weeks will be your time to confirm the truth of that aphorism. Your idiosyncratic brilliance is rising to a fever pitch, and may start spilling over into crackling virtuosity any minute now. Be discriminating about where you use that stuff; don’t waste it on trivia or on triumphs that are beneath you. Halloween costume suggestions: Einstein, Marie Curie, Leonardo da Vinci, Emily Dickinson.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’re ready to shed juvenile theories, amateurish approaches, or paltry ambitions. I’m not implying you’re full of those things; I’m just saying that if you have any of them, you’ve now got the power to outgrow them. Your definition of success needs updating, and I think you’re up to the task. Why am I so sure? Well, because the Big Time is calling you -- or at least a Bigger Time. Try this: Have brainstorming sessions with an ally or allies who know your true potential and can assist you in formulating aggressive plans to activate it more fully. Halloween costume suggestions: a head honcho, big wheel, fat cat, top dog.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I know a woman who claims on her Facebook page that she speaks four languages: English, Elvish, Mermish, and Parseltongue.

(For those of you who don’t read Tolkien or Harry Potter, Elvish is the language of the elves, Mermish of the mermaids and mermen, and Parseltongue of the serpents.) My Facebook friend probably also knows Pig Latin, baby talk, and glossolalia, although she doesn’t mention them. I’d love for you to expand your mastery of foreign tongues, Pisces, even if it’s just one of the above -- and the coming weeks and months will be an excellent time to begin. You will have a greater capacity for learning new ways to talk than you have since childhood. Halloween costume suggestion: a bilingual bisexual ambidextrous expert in reciting tongue twisters.

CRACK T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

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HALLOWEEN WORD SEARCH

Jonesin’ Crossword Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) “Juggler’s Blues�--so much can go wrong.

1 Dramatic way to end a statement?

8 Kelly of Destiny’s Child 15 Sign stating you can’t go back immediately 16 Gonzaga University locale 17 Changed suddenly 18 They play a big part in 2011’s “Contagion�

19 “___ the night before Christmas...�

20 Football play 21 Like some musical wonders 24 Overtook with a crowd of people 28 Rented out again 29 Hosp. staffers 32 Guy 33 Drops like balls in a bad juggling act?

36 Part of a cereal box 37 Owned property 38 “McHale’s Navy� backdrop 39 Made grateful for 42 Henry VIII’s house 45 Summer hrs., in D.C. 46 TV doctor with a limp 50 Concluding remarks to a poem 51 Cutesy-___ 52 Heart attachment 53 “___ has fleas�

54 Computer programming abbr.

(FOE anagram) 55 “___, with Love� (Sidney Poitier movie) 56 “Un momento, ___ favor�

57 Swashbuckling and saving the day, for instance 60 Coffee dispenser 61 Ring decision 62 Nickname of ESPN8, in the 2004 movie “Dodgeball�

63 Tell it like it isn’t 64 Part of a school yr.

65 “Play this note with a sudden accent,� in sheet music abbr.

66 “A rat!� noise 67 Furthermore

DOWN

1 Young-___ (little tykes) 2 Traditional Japanese drama 3 On the ___ vive 4 Uninformed, like a bad juggler?

5 Bests by deceit 6 Apply medicine to 7 Comes to a halt 8 Invitation request 9 Poe’s drug of choice 10 Completely gone, like a buzz 11 Warning from a bad juggler?

12 Small batteries 13 Dir. opposite SSW 14 Word before Moines or Plaines 21 “Carmina Burana� composer Carl 22 “A Face in the Crowd� actress Patricia 23 She sang with Louie 25 Erupt 26 Race in “The Time Machine�

27 Modern variety of Persian spoken in Afghanistan 29 She played a corrupt cop in “Pineapple Express�

30 Somewhere between abysmal and fair, for a bad juggler?

31 It’s flat, frozen, and sometimes compared to winter roads 34 â€œÂżQue ___?â€? (“What’s up?â€? in Mexico) 35 Airport readerboard abbr.

40 Strong headlights, slangily 41 “No sweat�

42 Lures 43 Let all the, all the oxen free?

44 Movie disc format that’s readable, but not erasable 47 “The Little Mermaid� villain 48 Blend with a spoon, maybe 49 Deserved 58 Radio band, for short (HEF anagram) 59 Guevara’s nickname

Š2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords

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OCTO B E R 28, 20 11

BATS BLACK CAT CANDY APPLES COSTUMES FRANKENSTEIN GHOST

GOBLIN GRAVEYARD HAUNTED HOUSE JACK O LANTERN MASK MONSTERS

OCTOBER PUMPKIN SCREAMS SKELETON SKULL SPIDER WEB

SPOOKY TOMB TRICK OR TREAT VAMPIRE WITCHES ZOMBIES

Across

SUDOKU To Play: Complete the grid so that every row, column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. There is no guessing or math involved, just use logic to solve.

PUZZLES & COMICS

Rum Runners Liquor Store

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTIONS

Beer of the Month Club 1. Buy this month’s Sampler Pack, 2. Come back to purchase one of the month’s selected beers, 3. Receive 20% off the purchase price of those beer!

New Items in Store Weekly Wide variety of gift ideas Advice & Discounts for Weddings & Events

HWY 2, Grimshaw 780-332-2299

theVAULT magazine comes out every second Friday.

Issue #4 will hit newsstands Nov. 11th.

Substitutes: Actresses Each letter has been substituted with another

letter. Consider the theme and find the patterns to solve the puzzle. The first substitute has been done for you.

JOLIE GLBPI WINSLET RPOWBIS ROBERT S DLCIDSW SARANDON WHDHOMLO ANISTON HOPWSLO

L I V E LY BPJIBT JOHANSSON GLAHOWWLO FARIS EHDPW BA R RYMOR E CHDDTULDI WAT S O N RHSWLO CRACK T H E VAULT

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