theVAULTmagazine ~ Issue 5

theVAULTmagazine Issue #5 - November 25, 2011

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Surviving the Winter Staff Album Reviews Buddhist Culture Dubstep

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theVAULTmagazine

From the Editors Issue Five and Gaining Momentum...

Editor/Publisher

Jenelle Lizotte Tormaigh Van Slyke

Social Media/Reception Mary Warren

Logo Design Michael Boone

Layout Design

Jenelle Lizotte Christine Taylor Tormaigh Van Slyke Chris Zwick

Distributor J&T DVS

Website Design

Sush Wong & Doug Hurst, Wild Card Technology Solutions

Ad Design

Clayton Hall Aimie Williams Sush Wong

Ad Sales

Tormaigh Van Slyke

Photography

Jenelle Lizotte Tormaigh Van Slyke

Contributors

Buzz Lorenzen Mark Rieder Susan Thompson Mary Warren Chris Zwick

theVAULTmagazine is available free of charge at over 75 locations in the greater Peace Region every other Friday. We are funded solely through the support of our advertisers. theVAULTmagazine is published biweekly by Plato’s Cave Publishing. No content herein can be reproduced without written consent of the publisher. We accept contributions provided they are the property of the contributor and are offered exclusively to theVAULTmagazine. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the return or safety of contributed materials and therefore will not be held responsible.

All opinions or statements expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher or staff. The reader must understand that all information presented in this publication is from various sources, therefore theVAULTmagazine cannot be held responsible for any accuracy, completeness or legalities.

We ask that each reader take only one copy, unless your grabbing one for your friend. That is all.

So, let’s be real. Winter makes you numb in more ways than one. There are times when true necessity takes over and pleasantries are tossed aside. It can make you go crazy, or allow you to excel, or both. It’s what many people in this region call character, and living through it makes us special.

This issue, we didn’t skimp on the coldhard truth. You’ll find the light and the dark, the black and the white, the good and the bad of winter. It may not be here officially, but it’s clearly on its way. So, find a warm spot indoors and experience theVAULTmagazine’s uninhibited FREE-dom.

Quickly catch up on developing news stories you may have missed and take a deeper, more meaningful look into ongoing issues.

Consult our Calendar and realize there are, in fact, things to do. Or, stay in and play the “Surviving Winter” board game found in this issue’s Feature.

It’s starting to happen. People are cracking The Vault and light is beginning to make its way past the hatch. What is this light, you ask? It’s always been there, just beyond the confinements of our northern cave. Once let in, it helps illuminate reality, making the dark outlines more intelligible.

We have come a long way together in such a short time.

Your Editors,

Issue #5 - November 25, 2011

SECTIONS 04 Inside the Vault 07 Second Day News 08 Community Calendar 12 Entertainment 14 Arts 16 Lifestyle 18 Reader Submitted 19 Sex 20 Humour 21Astrology 22 Puzzles & Comics

FEATURE 10 Surviving Winter

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10506 101 ST. PEACE RIVER, AB. T8S-1L1 WWW.THEVAULTMAG.COM THEVAULTMAGAZINE@HOTMAIL.COM WWW.THEVAULTMAGAZINE.TUMBLR.COM CRAC K T H E VAULT

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INSIDE THE VAULT NEWS SNIPPETS SLAVE LAKE ARSON? RCMP are making the investigation into the cause of the fire that devastated the town of Slave Lake earlier this year a “high priority” after Alberta’s Ministry of Sustainable Resource Development (SRD) said the most likely cause of the fire, which caused $700 million in damage, was arson.

The SRD investigation ruled out all other possible causes and was able to pinpoint exactly where the fire started but will not release specifics. The location is now an active crime scene.

BANK TRANSFER DAY Credit Unions across the U.S. have experienced a significant increase in clientele since Bank Transfer Day was instituted, a movement formed to protest the business practices of large banks in America, by encouraging citizens to put their money into local credit unions instead of national banks.

A plan to introduce debit fees by Bank of America spurred the movement to life but has since been abandoned, but the impact

of Occupy Wall Street which is technically unaffiliated, has brought prolonged attention to the issue. Large banks are feeling backlash after losing customers who have withdrew millions of dollars on and since Nov. 5.

VOTING SYSTEM UNFAIR, SAY GROUPS Two Canadian democratic rights organizations were joined by federal Green Party leader Elizabeth May last week calling on the Supreme Court to do away with Canada’s first-past-thepost electoral system. The Association for the Advancement of Democratic Rights and Fair Vote Canada are filing the case arguing that first-past-the-post violates the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms by preventing truly effective representation.

May noted at a press conference that countries with the lowest voter turnout around the world employ the first-past the-post system, including Canada, the U.S. and the U.K., which allows majority governments to be formed with less than half the votes cast in election.

A spokesman for the groups said they expect the court to rule on whether it will hear their appeal in about six months.

THE GREAT FIREWALL OF AMERICA Google is lobbying the U.S. Congress to abandon plans to pass legislation that would prohibit sharing copyrighted material over the internet. The Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) is supported by many groups representing the movie and music industries, but could also institute severe penalties for streaming music, home movies and footage of video game play.

Along with Google and other tech companies, the American Civil Liberties Union has criticized SOPA, saying the bill would set a dangerous precedent for internet censorship and “sends an unequivocal message to other nations that it is acceptable to censor speech on the global internet,” and would result in a scenario similar to that of China, where the state filters information before it reaches the public – a “Great Firewall of America.”

Instead Google says quashing sharing sites by cutting off their advertisers would be

a much more effective solution to resolve the pirating situation.

BROKEN LIGHT BARRIER STILL UP IN THE AIR European researchers believe they are one step closer to proving Einstein wrong after attempting to confirm the results of a previous experiment where subatomic particles were observed travelling faster than the speed of light.

The second experiment, which saw French and Italian scientists shoot particle beams more than 700 km from the European Centre for Nuclear Research (CERN) in Switzerland to the Gran Sasso Laboratory in Italy, was performed in response to criticisms from the scientific community.

The results of the original experiment claimed to find neutrinos travelling six km per hour faster than light. Further tests are scheduled in April.

Einstein’s special theory of relativity stated it was impossible to break the light speed barrier of nearly 300,000 km per second.

The theory has been a scientific constant since 1905 and has formed the basis of much research in the area of physics since.

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New Items in Store Weekly Wide variety of gift ideas Advice & Discounts for Weddings & Events

HWY 2, Grimshaw 780-332-2299

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INSIDE THE VAULT EDITORIAL

IT TAKES POWER TO GET POWER

BY CHRIS ZWICK

W

e all get screwed by utility companies.

With the oncoming winter, it’s a fact of life most of us gladly swallow for the luxuries of a warm house and a cold fridge, from anyone, no matter how they treat us, at just about any cost.

We’re conditioned to believe a $200 monthly gas bill is not error, but inevitability. There is, after all, a lot of infrastructure maintenance and administration to pay for, not to mention the ever-fluctuating cost of gas and producing electricity.

We’re told we have choices in our providers, but has anyone ever looked into it? It takes a lot more digging than one might think.

First, I’ll tell you a true story about a friend of mine. It happened a few months ago when it was still kind of summer, but it will still serve as a cautionary tale and prove once again that you as an individual consumer are nothing but an account number to the faceless, but lo-

goed, corporations that control the grid.

Karina came home from work one day to find she had no electricity. The ATCO notice on her door said she had been cut off for “other” reasons besides non-payment of bills, according to the box that had been checked by the technician who left it. Thinking it strange she called her electricity retailer, Direct Energy (not to be confused with ATCO, which is a distributor) to find out what exactly “other” meant and if it would be a prolonged outage.

She was very concerned, having no lights, fridge, or TV, for her two-year-old son.

She was informed her services must have been cut off by an individual with a similar address, and that she “should have paid closer attention to her bills.”

She was also told it would take a minimum of four days and a $126 re-connection fee to get her power back. Upon further inspection of her bills from the months preceding the outage, no such disconnection notice could be found.

Thinking her and her son would probably be without power for a week or more, through no fault of her own, Karina was frustrated and angry, she felt defeated and hopeless. She was lucky she had a powerful friend in a powerful position—probably the only person in the entire Peace Country who would be able to do anything about it—MLA Frank Oberle. Within an hour she received a call from Direct Energy saying her power would be re-connected free-ofcharge, and an hour after that the power was back. Apparently, it takes power to get power.

A few months later, Karina noticed a $126 re-connection fee on her power bill—it has since been removed. And she lived happily ever after, but is still a Direct Energy customer.

That’s the kind of story that makes you want to cancel everything and find someone else to provide your utilities. It’s a good idea to check your options regarding services you’re going to spend thousands of dollars on over a year. So let’s

Christmas Open House

play a Google game, assuming I’m someone who knows nothing about Direct Energy.

OK, Google: gas and electricity providers “Peace River Alberta” click.

Top of the page advertisement -- “Alberta Energy Provider DirectEnergy.com” click. (The rest of the page contained no other relevant results).

“POWER YOUR BUDGET WITH A GREAT LOW PRICE”, Sweet. “Stability Plus Plan,” “Lowest RRO rate for 3 or 6 months (footnote) – GUARANTEED,” jargon, jargon, jargon. Sweet, sounds good. “You have a choice in energy retailers, so take control of your energy costs.” Oh good, I have a choice.

Keep reading. Fine print. OK. “Offer is valid until…” blah, blah, blah. “Accurate as of…” blah, blah, blah. “For a current list of licensed retailer you many chose from (their typos, by the way), visit www. ucaheps.gov.ab.ca” OK. Copy.

Paste. Search. “Server not

found” damn it. Back. Copy.

Paste. Search. “Server not found”. Hmmmm… OK. This is tedious already. Direct Energy it is.

Good marketing strategy I guess, but a more tech savvy searcher may have taken it a step further.

Google: province of Alberta gas and electric utilities. Click.

“Utilities Consumer Advocate – Government of Alberta”. Sweet. Click.

Oh. There’s the right link. (http://www.ucahelps.alberta. ca/). Try to find an option.

And while you’re searching Direct Energy will continue to laugh in your face until they are scolded by someone of stature and value. Could that have happened with any other company? Would Karina have been treated so badly by someone else? It’s hard to say, but it happened with this company in this situation.

The Town of Peace River is welcoming the public to the 2011 Christmas Open House at the Municipal Library

Friday, December 9th 2011 from 3pm to 7pm

The open house provides Council the opportunity to meet and greet residents and neighboring municipal officials and staff. As well as this, the event will provide an opportunity to showcase the newly renovated Peace River Municipal Library. All are encouraged to stop by throughout the afternoon and evening.

In conjunction with the Christmas Open House, the Town is hosting an open house for the Land Use Bylaw No. 1731 revision.

The purpose of this open house is to provide the public the opportunity to comment on the proposed changes to the bylaw.

CRAC K T H E VAULT

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INSIDE THE VAULT Winter and Isolation, a Dangerous Mix for Abnormal Behavior

BY MARK RIEDER

I

t has been a long-held belief that winter in the north does things to a person’s psyche.

People point to cabin fever as one example of what a cold, dark winter can do to the human mind.

But is there any real evidence that the long hours of darkness and frigid temperatures cause psychosis or criminal tendencies?

Well, yes and no. The RCMP does not keep statistical research based on weather or temperatures. It has been a long held opinion among some law enforcement professionals that the colder it is, the less petty crime that takes place. But one piece of research done by Lloyd

Wells, a criminal justice professor in Illinois, basically dispels the myth that crime rates drop in winter due to it being too cold.

“Statistical data proves that acts of crime stay relatively consistent each month. If anything, crime goes up in the winter,” the report states.

Certain crimes of opportunity do decrease simply because there are fewer people in outdoor settings, but that does not take into account pickpockets and others who frequent stores crowded with holiday shoppers.

The research also indicates that criminals who have no means of income other than theft are still prone to brave the cold in order to make ends meet.

If statistics are contradictory about the effect of winter on criminal activity, the same can be said for the emotional and psychological effect winter has.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a result of reduced melatonin in the body. Melatonin is a chemical produced in the pituitary gland that regulates sleep.

The pituitary gland is regulated by the sun. Doctors in Canada are increasingly on the watch for the typical symptoms of SAD among their patients complaining of unusual sleep patterns.

Yet, given the belief that depression is higher in winter, the myth that suicide rates are higher is busted by recent studies done in the United States and Greenland that show there is

actually a slightly higher suicide rate in the summer months. But in a more telling report, research shows that the suicide rate does increase the further north you go. The Northwest Territories and the Yukon have the highest suicide rates per capita. The NWT has over double the national average, and the Yukon is roughly 70 per cent higher than the national average. Statistics relating to northern Alberta show a similar trend. These same statistics point to suicides among women to be almost triple the rate of males.

It is well known that northern Alberta has a higher than average transient population, people either here on a temporary basis, or just arrived. Many have no family or friends to lean on for support. This certainly can lead to increased depression which in turn may exacerbate pre-existing psychotic or sociopathic tendencies.

This is where some of the more compelling evidence and research comes in. One set of experiments indicates temperature has a noticeable effect on how people react to stress. Volunteers, chosen at random from a pool of college students, were subjected to aggressive questions under a variety of temperature conditions.

Help Us Stop This.

The North Peace Society for the Prevention of Domestic Violence requires: P/T GROUP FACILITATOR Qualifications: diploma or degree in social work or related field understanding of issues related to domestic violence previous group facilitation experience is an asset flexible schedule to accommodate evening group sessions clear criminal records check

Please submit cover letter and resume to:

Responsibilities: assist with set up, facilitation and debriefing of men’s and women’s groups (2 evenings per week) maintain client records assist the Executive Director in providing community presentations or information on the Stepping Up program

NPSPDV – Sharon Mailloux Po. Box 6176 Peace River, AB T8S 1S2 npspdv@telus.net Or Fax: 780-624-5901 Open until suitable candidate is found.

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N O VE M B E R 25, 20 11

“When uncomfortably hot, subjects took longer to respond, their intensity of aggression increased slowly and escalated over time until they were no longer discriminating between occasions where they were being insulted versus those when they were given merely neutral feedback. [...] By contrast, aggression in uncomfortable cold was swift and very specific to the degree of insult of the verbal feedback received,” says the report.

What the research indicates is that people will react quicker to a stimulus in colder temperatures.

But the reaction is considered, at least by the researchers, to be appropriate for the situation.

Another even less researched belief that has made the rounds, at least unofficially in the criminal justice and social services systems, is the effect of isolation on the tendency for social problems such as child and spousal abuse.

There is a well known correlation between spousal abuse and isolation. Men who habitually abuse their spouses often keep the women isolated from family in an attempt to hide the situation.

In regions with small, far-flung communities where mental health facilities are few and often understaffed, it is easier for abusive situations to go unreported.

Though there is no research to suggest that the instance of abuse is directly related to isolation, there is anecdotal evidence that isolation provides the opportunity for a pre-existing abusive personality to thrive under such circumstances.

“Isolation is the most effective way to “set the stage” for abuse since the victim is separated from emotional supports and reality checks. When separation and isolation are utilized, the messages of the batterer begin to saturate the senses. The gradual process of isolation is accomplished through a combination of demands, threats, and manipulation. The abuser becomes the centre of the victim’s life and they come to depend on the abuser for everything. Once the isolation has been achieved, the violence usually escalates both in intensity and frequency,” explains a report prepared by the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime.

SECOND DAY NEWS READ THEVAULTMAGAZINE BLOG WWW.THEVAULTMAGAZINE.TUMBLR.COM

ATCO Electric grabs up more power

BY MARK RIEDER

O

ne of Alberta’s power distribution giants appears to be positioning itself to buy out the few remaining independent companies.

Recently ATCO Electric took over ownership of some Rural Electrification Associations (REA), the most recent acquisition was in the Peace Grove-Worsley area.

REAs are co-operatives set up in the years after WWII to provide electricity to remote areas considered too small to be profitable by larger companies. These co-ops usually have a small customer base, in the case of the Peace Grove REA, there are less than 700 members. In 2000, there were 98 in Alberta. Today there are 49, with two of them currently in negotiations for sale.

In 2008, former Manning REA chairman Terry Schamehorn accused ATCO of unethical behavior when ATCO employees in the Manning service area started a petition among the members offering them cash payouts if they sign a petition to force a quick vote to sell Manning REA assets.

In a recent telephone interview with theVAULTmagazine, ATCO

Vice-President of Distribution Operations Barry Goy said the company has no formal policy when it comes to buying out REAs. He said the REA approaches them if they want to sell.

Goy pointed out that since ATCO’s transmission lines are connected to REA lines and that his company is responsible for replacing telephone poles and lines in most cases, they are capable of a seamless transition if an REA does agree to sell.

“It’s just a natural fit for us,” he said.

Peace Grove REA President Nick Hudak was quoted as saying one of the reasons they sold was because new Alberta Health and Safety and ATCO repair and replacement standards made it too expensive to replace their own power lines. That was one thing they could do to keep costs down. About 98 per cent of members who cast ballots voted to sell, netting $19,492 for each member. At a time of deepening economic hardship for farmers, it apparently was an offer that couldn’t be refused.

Current Manning REA Chairman Curt Fazikos told theVAULTmagazine he understands how some people may be

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opposed to selling out to companies like ATCO. But he says they are increasingly under pressure to keep up with new technology and construction standards.

“It should be the job of the directors to be as dispassionate as possible and do what’s best for the members,” he said.

Fazikos pointed out that ATCO appears to be more willing to take over REAs than in the past because of the profit formula the Alberta Utilities Commission (AUC) uses. The AUC profit formula states the company can only make a profit of around 10 per cent above their operating costs. Those operating costs are also calculated by the total mileage of wire in their operating area.

So while the number of new customers the company gets when buying an REA is small, the significantly higher mileage of power lines can be factored into how much they are allowed to charge all their customers, which is assessed as a percentage of the total.

Unlike the electrical generation market that has seen prices almost triple since deregulation in 2001, electrical distribution prices have only gone up about 50 per cent since 2004.

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Community Calendar

Email us at theVAULTmagazine@hotmail.com to add your event to the calendar All information presented in this calendar is gathered from a variety of sources. theVAULTmagazine assumes no responsibility for any misrepresented information. We mean well. Any corrections or compliments can be directed to thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

FRI, NOV 25 MOONLIGHT MADNESS (Christmas) Participating Business in Peace River.

MOONLIGHT MADNESS (Christmas) Participating businesses in Falher (until 10pm) - Scavenger Hunt, Fireworks at the Tourism Centre 7pm, Hotdogs and Hot Chocolate.

MOVEMBER GRUB AND FUN POKER NIGHT (No Cash Games) (Community) - Belle Petroleum Centre 7pm - First Hand at 7:30pm sharp. Live and Silent Auctions. Tickets ($30) available at the Cobra Office and at the Belle Centre.

STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5.

Story and Craft. Parent or Caregiver participation required.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

NIKKI GOUR ART EXHIBIT (Art) - Java Domainn 11-9pm - For more info go to www.nikkigour.ca or call 780-624-4388 WIND ENSEMBLE CONCERT (Music) - GPRC Douglas J. Cardinal Performing Arts Centre 7:30pm

Centre.

SANTA DAY (Christmas) - Falher Rec Centre - Pictures with Santa, Face Painting, Cookie Making and Sleigh Rides around Town.

ANNUAL TEA, BAKE SALE AND SILENT AUCTION (Community) - St. James Cathedral 2-4pm - $5 Admission, Everyone Welcome!

NIKKI GOUR ART EXHIBIT (Art) - Java Domainn 11-9pm - For more info go to www.nikkigour.ca or call 780-624-4388 5th ANNUAL TREVOR ELTER HILLBILLY BASH (Music) - Dixonville Hall - Doors open 5pm, Dinner 5:30pm - Music by Aaron James and the Cultivators. Silent Auction. Tickets $20, $80(family), $10(ages 7-16), 6 and under free.

Adv. Tickets: Helen 780-971-2464, Jenny 780971-2163, Dixonville School 780-971-3770. Add $5 to tickets purchased at the door.

RANGER BEAR’S BIRTHDAY PARTY (Film) River City Cinema 11am - FREE Movies: Kung Fu Panda 2 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. Cake, Fun and Games, Door Prizes.

MANNING CHRISTMAS FARMER’S MARKET (Community) - Manning Ag Hall 11-4pm - For more info call Joyce at 780-836-3776.

LIGHT UP THE PARK (Christmas) - Old Hospital Grounds 5:30-7pm

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership. Every Friday.

RITA MACNEIL (Music) - GPRC Douglas J. Cardinal Theatre 3pm - My favorite songs, My favorite season. Tickets $58 available from the Crystal Centre Box Office 780-538-0387.

SAT, NOV 26 LIGHT UP THE NIGHT SANTA CLAUS PARADE (Christmas) - Peace River - Parade 5:30-6:30, Light up the Park 6:30-7:30pm - Fireworks, Hot Chocolate, Carols and Treats to follow at the Annual Light Up the Park in River Front Park. For more info call 780-624-4166 or 780-624-1000.

UGLY SWEATERS CHRISTMAS PARTY (Christmas) - Belle Petroleum Centre Cocktails 6pm, Christmas Dinner Buffet 7pm, Improv Comedy Show 8:30, DJ to follow. Cash Bar. Tickets ($55) available at the Belle

8 theVAULTmagazine

BELLY DANCE WORKSHOP W. JOANNA (Dance) - McLennan Elk’s Hall 12:30-4:30pm $50/$65 at the door. Bring veil, zills and water bottle. To register or for more info call 780-3242759 or email nsoucy@serbernet.com

SUN, NOV 27 ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

YOGA (Fitness) - Senior Citizen’s Drop In Centre 4pm - From Oct. 2 - Dec. 18. BYO Yoga Mat and Blanket. Beginner and Intermediate. Gentle N O VE M B E R 25, 20 11

Flow. Drop in $10. For more info call Lynn at 780-624-4249.

FREE SKATE (Family) - Kinsmen Arena 5-6:30pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

ANNUAL ST. CATHERINE’S COMMUNITY MEAL (Community) - St. Isidore Cultural Centre 12:30pm - Join us for a traditional French meal in honour of St. Catherine, the patron of spinsters. Fee at the door. For more info call Marie Lindsey at 780-618-8638.

FREE HATHA YOGA CLASSES (Fitness) - Bodhi Tree 2pm - w/ Kimberly Kilkenny. Beginner/ Intermediate. Extra Mats Available.

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

MON, NOV 28 CINEMA POLITICA (Film) - Ground Level Youth Centre 7pm - Film: A Closer Walk, chosen by HIV North in honour of World AIDS Day Dec.1.

Admission is pay-what-you-can. Discussion to follow film.

FREE SWIM (Family) - Peace River Pool 6:30-8:30pm - Sponsored by the Peace River Construction Assn.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning Elementary Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All pre-school children welcome.

JAZZ ENSEMBLE CONCERT (Music) - GPRC Douglas J. Cardinal Theatre 7:30pm

TUES, NOV 29 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710 SENIOR’S AFTERNOON TEA (Community) Grimshaw Library 1:30-3:30pm - For more info call Linda at 780-332-4553.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) Manning Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm - Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

SENIOR’S WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) Grimshaw Multiplex 10:30-11:30am - Every Tues and Thurs from Nov 15-Dec 16. Bring indoor shoes. For more info call 780-332-2122 or Community Services at 780-332-4788.

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb. FESTIVAL OF MINI TREES (Community) Grimshaw Library (Nov 22-Nov 30)- Silent Auction 9-5pm. See the 44 3’ trees designed and decorated by the community. For more info call Linda at 780-332-4553.

WED, NOV 30 READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - Peace River Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

FESTIVAL OF MINI TREES (Community) Grimshaw Library (Nov 22-Nov 30)- Silent Auction 9-5pm. See the 44 3’ trees designed and decorated by the community. For more info call Linda at 780-332-4553.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) - Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443 PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

THURS, DEC 1 MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) Manning Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and

Fairview

Berwyn

DIXONVILLE

Nampa

McLennan

Girouxville

Grimshaw

Falher

Peace River

Cadotte Lake

St. Isidore

Manning

Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710 DEVELOPMENTAL PLAYGROUP (Family) United Church Basement 1-2:30pm - Gross and Fine Motor Skills, Social Skills, Healthy Snacks, Music and Crafts. Every Thursday.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 - Beginner/Intermediate classes.

Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb. SENIOR’S WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) Grimshaw Multiplex 10:30-11:30am - Every Tues and Thurs from Nov 15-Dec 16. Bring indoor shoes. For more info call 780-332-2122 or Community Services at 780-332-4788.

FRI, DEC 2 STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5.

Story and Craft. Parent or Caregiver participation required.

GRIMSHAW CHRISTMAS MAGIC PARADE (Family) - Main Street Grimshaw 5pm For more info call Community Services at 780-332-1585

PROUD TO SUPPORT OUR COMMUNITY! Inquire about coffee for your next event.

without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership. Every Friday

SAT, DEC 3 4th ANNUAL CASINO NIGHT AND CHRISTMAS DINNER (Community) - Belle Petroleum Centre - Cocktails/Tables open 6pm, Christmas Dinner 7pm, Tables Reopen 8:30pm. DJ. Cash Bar. Tickets ($60) available at the Belle Petroleum Centre.

TRIM THE TREE EVENT (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 2pm - Up to age 12. Make winter crafts to display on our tree or to take home. Stories, hot chocolate & cookies. Parent or Caregiver participation required. (Replaces normal storytime).

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

ANNUAL DIXONVILLE CHRISTMAS CRAFT SALE AND FARMER’S MARKET (Community) Dixonville Hall 11-3pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-971-2434.

FAIRVIEW MINOR HOCKEY CHRISTMAS DINE AND DANCE (Christmas) - EE Oliver Community Centre - Cocktails 5:30pm, Dinner 6:30pm, Dance 8-1am. Semiformal, Silent Auction, Music: Barn Yard Boys. For Tickets ($40/ea or $75/ couple) call Bobbi at 780-834-7743.

SUN, DEC 4

and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb. FREE SKATE (Family) - Kinsmen Arena 5-6:30pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

MON, DEC 5 NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - Peace River Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning Elementary Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All pre-school children welcome.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) - Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443.

TUES, DEC 6

THURS, DEC 8

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) Manning Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

SENIOR’S AFTERNOON TEA (Community) Grimshaw Library 1:30-3:30pm - For more info call Linda at 780-332-4553.

SENIOR’S WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) Grimshaw Multiplex 10:30-11:30am - Every Tues and Thurs from Nov 15-Dec 16. Bring indoor shoes. For more info call 780-332-2122 or Community Services at 780-332-4788.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) Manning Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

MOONLIGHT MADNESS (Christmas) Participating businesses in Fairview. For more info got to www.fairviewchamber.com or call Debie 780-835-3355.

YOGA (Fitness) - Senior Citizen’s Drop In Centre 4pm - From Oct. 2 - Dec. 18. BYO Yoga Mat and Blanket. Beginner and Intermediate. Gentle Flow. Drop in $10. For more info call Lynn at 780-624-4249.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm - Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs,

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

WED, DEC 7

SENIOR’S WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) Grimshaw Multiplex 10:30-11:30am - Every Tues and Thurs from Nov 15-Dec 16. Bring indoor shoes. For more info call 780-332-2122 or Community Services at 780-332-4788.

CRAC K T H E VAULT

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 - Beginner/Intermediate classes.

Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

DEVELOPMENTAL PLAYGROUP (Family) - United Church Basement 1-2:30pm - Gross and Fine Motor Skills, Social Skills, Healthy Snacks, Music and Crafts. Every Thursday.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday. For more information call 780-624-4710

theVAULTmagazine

9

THE FEATURE S ur v i vi ng W i nt er : A Game

L

ove it or hate it, winter is here. We all know the drill. For the next 6 months or so, we will trudge through the cold stuff, scrape our windshields, brave the frigid winds, bundle up, and crank our thermostats. It’s a standard routine. It may not be ideal, but it’s the price we pay to live in this beautiful, vibrant region we call the Peace.

and pulling out the parkas, Sorels, sweaters and long johns. Sipping hot chocolate with friends and family after a long night of sledding/skiing/snowboarding/ curling/hockey or the myriad of other outdoor activities to suit every different taste. The ramp up to the holiday season. Smiling at a fellow Peace Region resident as you pass by on the icy sidewalk with an armful of shopping bags. Christmas carols.

Being friendly and jovial despite the weather, the news and the inclement goings-ons of one’s day to

Despite the winter hardships, there is also a lot to look forward to. Packing up the summer clothes

by Jenelle Lizotte

day life. The extreme northern lights. The bustling industry that pulls in strangers from all walks of life.

Skidooing. Snowmen.

Yep, with all of its good and bad traits, winter changes life for us here in the Peace Region—and whether we like it or not, we’re tough. We know how to deal.

So grab a sweater, a friend, and a warm drink try to survive the winter here in the frosty north.

DEC 22nd The Winter Solstice.

APRIL/MAY-ish You Survived!

APRIL/MAY-ish One Last Cold Snap.

APRIL 28 You Got the Flu!

Otherwise known as the first day of winter. So, wait, what about the last month and a half?

You win 5 or so months of non-winter!

Move back 3 spaces.

Go back to the Nurse’s Station.

START

17

END

16

2

Winter by the Numbers

DEC 23 X-Mas Fail.

-49.4

You forgot to buy a gift for that special someone.

83

Lose a turn.

2

The temperature on January 13, 1950, Peace River’s coldest day on record

percentage of Canadian homes that relied on hard fuel (coal or wood) for heat in 1947. In 1965, the number dropped to 10 per cent, and to 4.5 per cent in 2005

26

2 JAN 1 Happy New Year!

Move Ahead 2 Spaces.

5.8

Total budget (in billions) set aside of snow removal by local gov’ts across Canada in 2006 Million litres of eggnog were sold commercially in Canada in December 2009

170, 817

number of people who “like” the Facebook page “Only in Canada will you see people drinking slurpees in the winter”

JAN 13 You Got the Flu.

JAN 31 Snow Day!

FEB 2 Groundhog Day

Advance to the Nurse’s Station.

Curl up in front of the fire with a blanket, a book and some cocoa.

Groundhog sees his shadow.

4

3 10 theVAULTmagazine

centimetres of snow fell in Peace River on April 12, 1966. the record for a single day.

1.25

NO VE M B E R 25, 20 11

5

Go back to square 2.

6

THE FEATURE Rules of the Game You'll Need:

How to Play:

1 Die

Roll the die.

Unique tokens for players (coins, figurines, etc.)

Move your token the number of spaces indicated on the die.

The first to survive winter is the winner.

APRIL 8 Easter Sunday.

APRIL 4 The Snow is Melting.

APRIL 1 April Fool’s Day

MAR 24 Ski Day!

Still too cold to hide eggs in the yard.

Could it be? Is winter over?

Go back to start.

Pull those skis out of the closet and head out to Misery Mountain.

15

14

13

2

12

NURSE’S STATION

11

2 FEB 17 Your car won’t start.

FEB 29 Leap Year

Lose a turn.

Leap ahead 3 spaces.

7

MAR 10 You hurt your ankle playing hockey.

MAR 17 St. Patrick’s Day. If you’re wearing green, advance 2 spaces.

Advance to the Nurse’s Station.

8

If not, go back 3 spaces.

9 CRACK T H E VAULT

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ENTERTAINMENT theVAULTmagazine Staff Picks:

Fav o r i t e A l b u m s C H R I In Utero by Nirvana

S hang in the air with a sense of Clash, is an amazing mixture by Petersen when Mischief

Nirvana – In Utero, that should be all I have to say, but I should probably explain myself. I could write a thesis on the impact it had on one 14-year-old village boy, among millions of other disaffected, pissed-off teenagers in the early ‘90s. What can I say? It spoke to me. It shaped me.

The music alone, dark and heroin-drenched and aggressive and just raw, is more than enough, and Kurt always said lyrics were secondary, but it was this album, more than Poe or Eliot that made me want to be a poet. Yes, it’s the last album Nirvana released before Kurt blew his brains out but it is poetically perfect and despite the seemingly logical contradiction, I see it as hopeful for the future. What would the next album have been? I wish I knew. “I miss the comfort in being sad.”

M A R Y Dum Spiro Spero by Dir en Grey Dir en Grey is one of those bands that constantly evolves.

They have become progressively darker and Dum Spiro Spero (translated: While I breathe, I hope) is definitely their darkest masterpiece to date. There is something for nearly everyone on this album, from gentle shrouds to ghastly rampages.

Each sound is constructed to reflect an image, an emotion.

You don’t have to understand the lyrics to understand the power of the music.

Beneath the intense emotions and imagery that infiltrates your mind, the lyrics themselves are ethereal; hauntingly beautiful.

Gentle coos and whispers

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N O VE M B E R 25, 20 11

melancholy. The piano sounds like chimes echoing through a desolate land. Howls reflect a deep personal anguish as they turn into screams of rage, triumph and even despair.

Dum Spiro Spero is a mesmerizing ride into the subconscious; something which cannot be defined and must be experienced firsthand.

of punk, reggae, pop, soul, jazz, rockabilly, and rock. The musical style varies so much, were it not for Joe Strummer’s immediately recognizable voice, you might think it was several different bands.

From the disenchanted-with -the-world lyrics of London Calling’s title track, to the almost comedic “Lost in the Supermarket,” the subject matter varies as much as the musical style.

S U S A N If It Was You by Tegan and Sara On a more personal level, I Picking a favourite album is like some sort of horrible Sophie’s choice where I have to kill all my children but one. Especially a favourite album of all time.

I mean, what criteria do you even use to judge that? In the end, I decided to do what I do best, follow my heart.

And my heart led me back to university. Actually, listening to this album made me pissed off that I somehow lost touch with this part of myself for this long. Tegan and Sara are from Calgary, like me. Back when I was working on my English degree they won the Garagewarz competition, except back then, they were named Sara and Tegan. I wish I would’ve torn down and kept a poster! They are so amazing, Jack White covered one of their songs. My favourite album of theirs ever, and it turns out, my favourite album of all time, is still If It Was You. How do I describe it?

Just the cry from my own heart.

Go listen to it.

love this album because of the amazing musicianship. At a time when other punk bands were focused on shock value or simply playing faster, The Clash really set themselves apart.

They showed a level of true professionalism on every inch of this album. When I first heard London Calling, I rushed out to buy it the same day. When I got home and put the album in my CD player, it stayed there for close to a year before I thought about switching CDs. Favorite song: Jimmy Jazz

T O R M A I G H Songs from Under the Sink by Mischief Brew Have you ever been to music festival, sat by a campfire, or listened to CKUA and been dumbfoundedly paralyzed by one person’s passion wholly manifested in music? Though I have yet to see him live, Erik Petersen and his spawn Mischief Brew have repeatedly given me this experience.

My favourite album: Songs from Under the Sink (2002).

Brew was still a solo project, so it’s mostly acoustic guitar, vocals, and mandolin. The sound is raw—slightly wrong yet perfectly alright.

Granted, since making Songs from Under the Sink, Mischief Brew has probably gotten better. But, the legendary and somewhat brash Songs from Under the Sink is still my favourite. It brings me back to the festival, the campfire, the amazing find on a worldly radio station. It feels like Petersen and I are in cahoots, we both know something, we’re sharing a profound type of roller-coaster and we’re letting it ride for all the right reasons.

J E N E L L E Conor Oberst, Self-titled Bright Eyes front man Conor Oberst’s 2008 self-titled album makes me nostalgic for a dusty home. From the optimistic honesty of “Cape Canaveral” to the foot-stompin’ countryinfusion of “I don’t want to die (in the hospital)” to the haunting sorrow-filled vulnerability of my personal favorites “Eagle on a Pole” and “Lenders in the Temple,” the album offers an array of folksy Americana.

Written and recorded in the outskirts of Tepotztlán, Mexico in Valle Místico, Oberst’s effort to record a solo album was thwarted when he unintentionally formed a band—the Mystic Valley Band to be precise.

I loved the album when I first B U Z Z heard it, and it became a part London Calling by The of me when I saw Oberst and As the band’s second official Clash Released in December, 1979, London Calling, the third studio album from punk rockers The

release, Songs from Under the Sink is a compilation of unknown classics written

company tour for it in 2008.

It is honest, raw and stays with you. Not unlike yearning for a place that no longer exists.

ENTERTAINMENT

TUMBAO VIBE SPICE UP PEACE RIVER

BY MARY WARREN

T

umbao Vibe overwhelmed the audience with their authentic salsa music at the Belle Centre last Saturday.

The night kicked off with a brief Salsa lesson by local Zumba instructor, Sarah Shudra. Nearly everyone took part in this deeply rooted Latin experience.

Tumbao Vibe has 12 members, a rare treat for our northern community. According to Alex, a member of Tumbao Vibe, a Salsa band always has 12 members, some of whom may change over time.

As soon as the band started, the dance floor filled up immediately. A blur of dancers shook their bodies to the Salsa beat. There was never a song when the floor wasn’t full. Despite the overwhelming heat, everyone was eager for more Tumbao Vibe as they shook up the Belle Centre.

The Edmonton-based band formed in September 2008 and have been entertaining people and spreading their culture ever since. Several of the members originate from Chile, El Salvador and Cuba. The band’s diverse cultural background really speaks about the openness of Latin music and culture.

Between sets, Tumbao Vibe would chat with the crowd and make shout outs to the different nationalities. The crowd cheered enthusiastically as respective home countries were called. It was amazing seeing so many cultural backgrounds unified and bonding over music.

Peace River is the furthest north Tumbao Vibe has been but they hope to spread their heat as far as Yellowknife. Judging from the response in Peace River, northern Alberta is ready and open for this spicy musical experience.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MARY WARREN

SARAH SHUDRA SHOWS THE CROWD SOME SALSA MOVES CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

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ARTS ARTIST DIRECTORY BUZZ LORENZEN

VERNON LEDGER

ARIANA HAMMERBERG

Musician (Deeply melodic and even more deeply insane. The antidote to the emptiness of existence.) drbuzzmd@yahoo.com

Musician (Guitar, Bass, Piano, Vocals. Band: A New Direction. Teaches Song Writing, Jams, Available for events.)

780-624-2693 nervedge1984@live.com

Oil, Acrylic, & Watercolour (Landscapes,abstract,mixed media) 780-625-1794 ahammerberg@yahoo.com FB: Paintings by Ariana

CAROLYN GERK Pencil, Acrylic, & Watercolor (Portraits, landscapes, still life, children’s decor, murals, personalized items, decorative art and gifts. Requests welcome) 780-625-1215 carolyn.2345@hotmail.com FB: Creative Design by Carolyn

SUSAN THOMPSON Dancer (Belly dance, fire dance, fire fans, palm torches, LED fans, choreographed or freestyle, go-go dancing) vantom@xplornet.com FB: Sisu Belly Dancer

MARIE ELDSTROM Photographer (Owns House of E Photographic Imagery. Book a session.

Tell your story. Promises a unique and exciting experience. Portraits & Prints.) marieeldstrom@gmail.com houseofphotographicartistry. blogspot.com

ALECIA VOGEL

LEAH WOOD

Singer/Songwriter (Gravitates more towards the pop/folk side of things.

Also in the midst of releasing a demo and loving every moment of it.) aleciahh@gmail.com 780-625-7329

Photographer (Do you want unique photos?

Order your session today!)

780-618-8204 leahwoodphotography.com leahwoodphotography.com/ blog

MARY WARREN Graphite & Ink (Realistic to animated, I enjoy working with nearly all mediums and art forms. I also dabble in clothing design.) sickyslimys@hotmail.com

Are

you an artist or musician who would like to be featured in theVAULTmagazine’s Artist Directory?

Email

us your info at

thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

Thank You from

theVAULTmagazine

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N O VE M B E R 25, 20 11

inPeace River.

Happy Holidays from Wayne, Margret, Cole and the Staff.

ARTS “Then, within a matter of minutes the dance floor went from empty to shoulder-toshoulder. Christian and I were swamped at the concession and then we stopped and just looked at each other saying, ‘OMG! This is us! We did this!’

It was just a really cool feeling looking out at the dance floor because we knew that not many teenagers ever get to organize something that size.”

Over 200 people showed up that night, and later the group was later able to pull in a whopping 400 people at their New Years RAVEolution, even without the draw of alcohol.

Few if any live music events in Peace River are able to say the same.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC IS ON THE RISE.

The Dubstep Apocalypse

BY SUSAN THOMPSON

T

he next rock stars might not play rock at all. They might play dubstep.

It’s new, hardcore, heavy on the bass, and has drops to make your Mom’s jaw follow.

In fact, according to Korn’s lead singer Jonathan Davis, dubstep is the new metal. Davis also declared dubstep “the new hiphop”, “the new everything”, and “the future” while announcing Korn would be releasing an entire album of dubstep with production work by Skrillex, called “The Path of Totality.”

And Davis isn’t alone, the music industry as a whole is taking note of an explosive new trend - the rise of electronica.

Turns out, what most people think of as “rave music” might not have peaked in the ‘90s.

DJs can now sell out stadiums with minimal marketing, reportedly getting paid as much as $200,000 a night to play.

“Yeah its gaining popularity,

especially if you’re linking in LMFAO and sort of ‘Party Club Electronica’ into it,” says Christian Laventure, member of Shizzle2, the local group responsible for throwing six raves in Peace River over the last year.

“Deadmau5 and Skrillex are very popular artists, and I think that Electronica music is only going to rise in popularity from now.” He adds, “I mean when Britney Spears is putting dubstep in her music, this shit’s gone mainstream.”

Spears’ recent song “Hold it Against Me” switched from pop to a dubstep-style breakdown mid-track. The strategy paid off; according to Wikipedia, the song debuted at number one in six countries as well as on the US Billboard Hot 100, making Spears the second artist in Billboard’s history to debut at number one more than once.

As for Deadmau5, the house DJ recently played to 20,000 fans at the Rogers Centre in Toronto, a venue usually reserved for mega-bands like U2. He also sold out six consecutive

nights at New York’s Roseland Ballroom, breaking a record previously held by Rage Against the Machine.

Things are changing, and the music industry is starting to take notice. Music companies have recently rushed to add electronic music divisions.

Electronica festivals have shown the same spike in popularity too, selling out faster and selling tens of thousands of tickets even before lineups are announced, in some cases.

Shambhala, Canada’s premiere electronic music festival, already sells out every year and attracts people from around the world to Salmo, B.C. Even in a small community like Peace River, recent turnouts for electronica events have been surprisingly large.

“At our first rave, we only had like 5 people for about the first hour and a half,” remembers Shizzle2 organizer Josh Craigen.

“It was a very crushing feeling but we were doing our best to stay optimistic.”

Meanwhile, local electronica festival Astral Harvest, held at the end of June on the North Country Fair site, has continued to grow, cementing its place as an essential stop on the summer music electronica festival circuit. While the North Country Fair changed its format this year and nixed the rave stage in favour of live acts only (and ended those at 4am), Astral has been building ticket sales by letting people dance the night away until 9am on the very same stages to the many genres of electronica, including house, breakbeat, psytrance, drum & bass, techno, glitch, world beat and more, including, of course, dubstep.

Of electronica’s several subgenres, dubstep is the newcomer to the party, and is, it seems, the one genre above all others driving people out onto the dance floor.

Still, some devotees say that the continued North American obsession with the “wobble” in dubstep, already left behind by hardcore UK fans seeking the next sonic evolution of the genre, will leave dubstep abandoned as a cliché on this continent as quickly as it is being adopted as a trend.

Others worry about new inductees to the scene coming CRAC K T H E VAULT

for the wrong reasons, or bringing in the wrong energy.

The electronica scene has built a culture around peace, love, unity and respect (PLUR), and those values might be hard to communicate to your average headbanger.

Many would like to see the genre stay underground, instead of getting diluted by pop music and bandwagonjumpers. Shizzle2 DJ Nic Moore acknowledges that dubstep events are gaining popularity, “[But] I don’t think it will really be a threat to the core rave community. Raves have always been about people experiencing togetherness and community.

That’s something you can never get rid of.”

As he explains, “What I love about electronica, and really all music and art for that matter, is that it is the only way to truly convey emotion to another human being. Words are really not enough. When you say words that we give to emotions like solemn, excitement or bizarre all you give to that person is an inert word that they can only associate with their experience.”

“With art, especially music and the visual arts, the artist finds a way to convey an emotion to the spectator in a whole new way that transcends inert words and actually creates the emotion that the artist wants to evoke. I think electronica and raves are special in that it conveys the social emotions of humans.

The feeling one gets when you experience a connection with a large group of people. It’s a really great feeling.”

It remains to be seen if that feeling will be found again in Peace River anytime soon, since Nic Moore, Keegan Selig, and Josh Craigen of Shizzle2 are all in Edmonton going to university, leaving only Sam Lavoie and Christian Laventure in the area.

Keep your eye on the “Shizzle2 Productions” Facebook page for info about a possible New Year’s Eve rave.

theVAULTmagazine

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LIFESTYLE Don’t say the D-word parents bought me a new coat.

I would quickly outgrow it, and it would be passed on to my sister. My parents boasted that three of their children had worn the same coat. They weren’t concerned (nor were we kids) about gender differences or fashion; it was the coat’s ability to keep the wearer warm and its durability (now there’s a good D-word) that mattered.

BY DAVID SUZUKI Science Matters Vol. 13, No. 47 22 November 2011

A

kerfuffle is raised every time a comedian, politician, or businessperson uses the F-word or the N-word.

I understand that. But to me, the D-word is the most obscene. I’m referring to disposable. Let me explain.

When I was a boy, we were poor and it was a big deal when my

We now have an economic system in which companies must not only show a profit each year, they must strive for constant growth. If a product is rugged and durable, it creates a problem for even the most successful business – a diminishing and eventually saturated market. Of course, any product will eventually wear to a point where it can no longer be patched, so the market will continue to exist to replace worn products.

But that’s not good enough in a competitive world driven by the demand for relentless growth in profits and profitability. So

companies create an aura of obsolescence, where today’s product looks like a piece of junk when next year’s model comes out. We’ve lived with that for decades in the auto industry.

I’ve always said a car is simply a means of getting from point A to point B, but it’s become far more than that. Some cars convey a sense of power, and cars become safe havens when loaded with cup holders, sound systems, and even TVs and computers. Some people even name their cars, talk to them, and care for them like babies – until next year’s models come along.

It’s similar with clothing, even with outdoor attire beloved by environmentalists. We have a proliferation of choice based on colour, sexiness, and other properties that have nothing to do with function. I don’t understand torn blue jeans as a fashion statement, and I wish people would wear their pants till they spring their own leaks rather than deliberately incorporating

tears. All of this is designed to get us to toss stuff away as quickly as possible so the economy can keep spinning.

Nowhere is this more obvious than with electronic gadgets.

When my wife lost the cord to charge her cellphone, she went to seven stores. None had the necessary plug for her phone.

Finally she went back to the retailer that sold her brand only to be told that the cords for the new models don’t fit the old ones and hers was so old, it wasn’t even on the market any more. It was a year-and-a-half old.

I remember when I was given the first laptop computer on the market. It had an LED display screen that let me see three lines at a time and a chip that stored about three pages of writing. But it was small and had word processing and a port to send my pieces by telephone. It revolutionized my life. I was writing a weekly column for the Globe and Mail and was able to send articles from Russia and even

remote towns in the Amazon.

A couple of years later, a much better laptop hit the market.

It had an LCD screen, a huge memory, and it displayed almost a full page. I got one. A year later, I got a new model, and then half a year after that, another. Each served me well, but every year, new ones would appear that were faster, smaller, and lighter, with longer-life batteries and more bells and whistles.

Try to get one fixed or upgraded, though. As with digital cameras, I was repeatedly told that it would cost more to fix an old laptop than to buy a new model.

This is madness in a finite world with finite resources. At the very least, products should be created so components can be pulled apart and reused until they wear out.

You see why I think the D-word is so obscene.

Learn more at www.davidsuzuki. org.

KEEPING THE WEIGHT OFF THIS WINTER Pretty lame mindset if I do say so myself. Believe it or not, that sweater doesn’t get rid of that extra weight, it only hides it.

Want to get rid of the chub and for once not mimic Santa Claus this winter?

Good! Me too! I’d rather feel good about myself sitting around eating turkey and staring at myself naked in a mirror.

SUBMITTED BY LINDSEY ULASZONEK

I

t’s cold, dark, and ugly outside and you’re too tired to wake up. Your pants feel a bit tighter and you’re more aware of how many times your tummy wrinkles when you sit down, but you don’t care because that big comfy sweater covers everything!

First of all, I’m going to give you tips that are simple and effective. They will be a good start to help you get into the proper exercise and eating regime.

FOOD Stop loading up on the carbs!

Why is it that the damn coldness makes you want to sit down with a nice juicy cheeseburger?

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My advice, scrambled eggs with a little bit of mozzarella cheese and diced peppers for breakfast.

If you go over 3 eggs be sure to start to eliminate the yolk.

This breakfast will help keep you full until lunchtime and most importantly not fill your body with wheat and carbs that will just increase your blood sugar levels, satisfy you for an hour, and make you super hungry again by 10am. The protein should keep your body energized. Lunch and dinner are simple—protein, veggies, and if you want some yummy carbs to give you some energy, bake some yams. Just don’t overdo it. Diet is key; eat less but more often.

SNACKS Don’t let yourself go hungry— you’ll feel like crap, be angry,

and it won’t do anything for those rolls. Grab a handful of almonds (15 a day only) or an apple with a spoonful of peanut or almond butter—the real stuff! Or have as many veggies as you like. Go wild with veggies!

EXERCISE I have an easy exercise routine to stick to in the winter that you won’t dread, and it will help you prepare that confident body and mind for the summer.

Get it done in the morning if you can so your metabolism can be up all day. Do three days of 45 minute cardio and two or three days of intense weights that you’ll feel the next day.

Cardio is done on a treadmill while walking on the highest incline at a fast walking speed

(you’d better be sweating). This is less daunting than running (especially out in the cold) and extremely effective for weight loss.

A quick weight routine can be 30 minutes max—just push yourself! Don’t skimp on the weights. Cardio alone isn’t the way to shed layers. The more muscles you have the more calories you burn. Just remember this: muscle EATS fat for breakfast.

Alright, go take off those sweaters, stand in the mirror naked, and get motivated to start your winter routine. It’s simple and effective so no excuses unless looking like Santa Claus is exactly what you want this winter. Good luck!

LIFESTYLE

PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK RIEDER

MARIE LAVENTURE AND BARB KILKENNY IN THE BODHI TREE, PEACE RIVER.

Nirvana North: A search for enlightenment

BY MARK RIEDER

T

ypically speaking, Buddhist belief in western society is something that seems to come and go like a passing fad. But there has been a resurgence, even in the Peace country, of people believing that Judeo-Christian values and dogma doesn’t fit in with the truth of what they see around them.

“I think reality is manufactured, you have to see through it,” he said.

Buddhism teaches that the world, in a sense, is an illusion.

Modern science indicates there may well be something to this.

For example, studies show brain scan patterns taken when people think of an object are remarkably similar to when they actually see or hold that object.

“Ideas have to change in order to make room for reality,” explains Vern Loija, who recently became a student of Buddhism.

Buddhism is also about accepting that nothing is lasting. Loija says he embraces the impermanence of everything.

Loija says he never used to consider himself a spiritual person.

But like many who turn to Buddhism, he had a life changing experience that made him question not only his lifestyle, but how he perceived the world around him.

“Nothing is always the same, things are ever changing. As long as you don’t cling to the past and pay attention to what’s happening now, you can accept things,” he said.

Loija has drastically changed his life for the better. His strength doesn’t come from belief in a deity, it comes from trusting in his true inner being.

“It’s been very interesting, the word ‘energy’, people have started talking like that. It’s become part of the common-speak,” she said.

“What I do is I just try to stop myself and pay attention to me, and not what’s outside.” He said.

Raised Roman Catholic, she was always interested in religion and began studying it so she could better understand God.

Marie Laventure runs the Blue Buddha wellness studio – one of a growing number of Peace Region businesses that promote Buddhist values. Though there are few true Buddhists in the region, there are others who follow the religion’s values without strictly adhering to the doctrines.

Laventure has noticed more people talk about the Buddhist belief surrounding human thought energy and how it can affect everything around us.

“And that’s where everything just blew up in my face,” she said.

She realized that though her upbringing was religious, there was little spirituality in it. Her opinion became that there is an interconnectedness with everything – between humans, nature, and even with God.

that self in others.”

For those who follow Buddhism, there eventually comes a moment of understanding that in order to take the path to enlightenment, one has to do away with old beliefs. This can be daunting. People have a lot invested with their belief systems – a lifetime of living, thinking, and acting a certain way. Especially when those beliefs are validated by peers and society in general.

But there is also a realization that once the leap of faith is made, everything changes.

“Once your mind is opened, you can’t close it,” Laventure explains.

“I live that understanding that everyone around you is almost like a mirror of yourself,” she said, “And it’s about recognizing CRACK T H E VAULT

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READER SUBMITTED

The Revolution Will NOT Be Televised I

s the Peace Region ready for a revolution?

A renaissance, if you will.

In an area famed for natural and renewable resource production and hockey, we have a wide variety of amazing artistic talent.

We are, however, wide and scattered. We have a population that can easily support any venture were it not for the incredible, mind numbing travel time.

Do we have enough talent?

Of course we do. Look around. There are art shows of all sizes in communities of all sizes.

Eureka River has a very nice show, in a community of three buildings. David Thompson as well, in a community composed of a hall. We have the talent available to fill these halls, as small as they are, as well as larger venues like the Alberta Arts Days exhibits with the three close

communities of Peace River, We have several festivals Grimshaw and Fairview. that are ongoing, with local people and professional acts On the performing arts side, enriching our arts scenes. any of the communities Notable festivals include, could have full venues with of course, PeaceFest, local performers singing, North Country Fair, Rombs dancing, or storytelling Country and Bluegrass monthly--without any Festival, The George Lake repeat performances. Fiddlefest. I am sure there We have been sending are others that I am unaware competitive singers and of. dancers to provincials for years. We have teachers So, we do have plenty who have been training of available talent. Some these performers for years. genres I haven’t mentioned are Culinary Arts (which I love), and electronic arts, and probably some I have forgotten, or haven’t heard of. The question I pose is: where do we go?

Do we need more festivals?

Can’t have too many.

More art shows? Of course.

Could we use a big Art Gallery, or a Grand Theatre or concert hall? Would be nice, but not necessary.

Some sort of local art centre would be better in each community, something that could display work and be a meeting place (eg. Fairview Fine Arts Centre).

Join the Facebook event "Christmas is Exhausting" to enter.

Package includes one night stay in the Sawridge Presidential Suite & Dinner for 2 ($50 restaurant certificate plus an optional bottle of wine).

See the Facebook Page for additional rules and regulations.

No Purchase Necessary.

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NO VE M B E R 25, 20 11

For bigger shows or concerts there are venues around: arenas, the new Multiplex in Grimshaw. Will it take more money? Certainly, but there is plenty around. It will take a bit of work but we can get it.

will need to continue to use and treasure, nobody does it better. If we want to progress in any manner we need to look at hiring people, which means coming up with the aforementioned money.

Another issue is attendance.

We have been doing well with artists and people who are truly interested in the arts supporting our events.

It would be nice to get “Joe Public” off of the couch and into our galleries and theatres.

Another direction we could go, and I really believe that it is needed and would succeed, is a “Centre for the Arts.” I have talked with several people who also believe it would work, so I know there is interest out there. A centre for the arts would need to eventually be an arts school for full time students that caters to all of the arts. It would be a retreat for artists of all types who need a place to hang with other artists, or just need a quiet place to do their thing.

Be it writing, painting, or jamming.

We do have a fledgling group that could help address these issues. If enough interested people could get together and present a proposal, I sincerely believe that a lot of these ideas could learn to fly. I for one would like to develop the arts and artists One definite problem is lack in the area to their full of volunteers. I have been potential. Anyone else out in this business, as well as there care to believe with others that have to rely on me? volunteer labour and getting volunteers is tough. This Contact: will likely be a problem for Gordon Glen as long as there is oil coming 780-625-4882 out of the ground. What we gdgm@telus.net do have for volunteer we

SEX COLUMN

BY DR. DEBBY HERBENICK I have jock itch, can my girlfriend get if we have unprotected sex or if she gives me oral sex?

“Jock itch” is a term commonly used to describe a fungal infection called tinea cruris (see why it’s called “jock itch” now? Not only is it a more descriptive term, but it’s easier to remember and to pronounce). Jock itch is not normally considered a sexually transmissible infection, or STI. However, just because it’s not commonly grouped in the family of chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes doesn’t mean that it can’t be transmitted during sex. The fungus that causes jock itch can absolutely be transferred during sex – though it isn’t always transmitted during sex.

In some research, sex workers (prostitutes) have been found to have higher rates of jock itch, which is more typically seen among men and only rarely among women. It’s more easily transmitted during sexual intercourse (vaginal sex or anal sex) because of how close two people’s groins get (and jock itch “lives” in the area of a man’s groin).

Wearing a condom does not prevent the transmission of jock itch. The best course of action is to get treated and get better before having oral, vaginal or anal sex. Even hand jobs pose a potential risk of infection if your partner were to then touch her own genitals.

The risk of transmitting jock itch during sex is often considered low to moderate, but it’s still a risk. At the very least, it’s important to talk with your partner about having jock itch so that he or she can make an informed

decision about how they want to adjust sex together in the meantime.

Finally, you absolutely get bonus points for being a smart, caring, attentive partner. Not everyone would The fungus can even be harbored in think to ask such a question so good sheets and towels so, until your infec- for you for being considerate about tion is cleared, it’s a wise idea to steer your partner’s sexual health. clear of sharing bath towels, clothes or even sleeping naked together in Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sexual health bed lest your partner run the (prob- educator at The Kinsey Institute, a reably low, but real) risk of becoming search scientist at Indiana University infected. and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure The good news is that jock itch is cur- and Satisfaction, The I Love You More able. You can also take steps to reduce Book, and Read My Lips: A Complete the risk of getting it again by towel- Guide to the Vagina and Vulva. Find ing off well after you shower, wearing our blog, sex information and archived clean clothes to work out in (rather Q&A at www.KinseyConfidential.org. than reusing the same sweaty clothes from a previous workout) and put- KINSEY CONFIDENTIAL IS A SERVICE ting socks on before stepping into OF THE KINSEY INSTITUTE. FOR your underwear. The latter is because MORE GOOD SEX INFORMATION, PODthe fungus can be transferred from a CASTS, OR TO SUBMIT A QUESTION, man’s bare feet to his groin as he steps VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.KINSEYthrough the leg holes of his underwear. CONFIDENTIAL.ORG.”

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HUMOUR

Dylan’s DIY Snowflakes

G

ood morning, boys and girls! My name’s Dylan, and today my friends and I are going to show you how winter crafts on a budget can be fun AND easy! Today, you’ll be making your very own snowflake banner! All you will need to do is steal some tape and some paper and some scissors from your mommy and daddy. Make sure you ask your parent’s permission before you use the scissors! If not, you may cut yourself.

Now, the first thing you want to do is take your paper and tape it together length ways (Figure 1). I used six sheets, but you can use as many as you’d like.

FIGURE 1 Now once your paper is all taped together, it’s time to fold! Fold your paper forwards then backwards, accordion style, until you have a nice square of folded papers (Figure 2).

Max's

Hardcore Advice Hey Max, my wife wants kids but I don’t know if I want children! What should I do?

What you shoulda done was not get married in the first place. Now that you’re f***ed anyway. You might as well give in to the fact that, short of withholding sex (which is probably gonna make her leave you) you’re gonna have a kid.

There will be a month when she conveniently forgets to take her birth control and then BAM, a f***ing kid.

Good luck with that.

-Max, Hardcore Max, how do I avoid shopping with my wife?

FIGURE 2 Now, here’s where the scissors come in! Take your paper and your scissors, and start making random triangles and squares and circles. Once your get tired of cutting scissors, or you cut yourself, your banner is almost ready (Figure3).

Now all you have to do is unfold it, and let the magic of winter warm your heart (Figure4).

FIGURE 3 Now, don’t forget, boys and girls: be as creative as you want! In a pinch, you can always use a glue stick and some sparkles to really make it look nice and snow flakey.

Sparkles are always a good thing.

Happy crafting! (For more photos of the great snowflake adventure, visit www.andirection.webs.com!)

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FIGURE 4 N O VE M B E R 25, 20 11

The only way to do this is to shop for your wife.

Get her to make you a list; and then, make up some bullsh** excuse to go out.

I’m sorry but you dumb married f***s gotta realize that as soon as you put that ring on her, you are already f***ed. She owns you dude; deal with it.

sh**ing me?? Here’s what you do. Bring ‘em both over, get ‘em drunk, and let sweet human nature take its course. Either they will get horny and want to f***, or they will get angry and beat the sh** outta each other, possibly ripping off articles of clothing in the process.

Sounds like a win win.

-Max, Hardcore Hey Max, how can I get promoted at work?

Same way everyone else does—by lying, cheating, stealing, backstabbing, sucking co**, and f***ing the shit outta anyone who might put in good word.

Working hard and keeping your head down means you won’t get noticed. Have you ever noticed that everyone’s boss is a complete a**hole?

-Max, Hardcore Max, has anyone ever told you that you needed anger management?

Max, I’m confused. Two girls like me, but I don’t know which one to pick.

Help!

Yeah, and then I punched them in the f***ing face and said, “Now you need facial reconstruction. I wonder which costs more you dumb a**hole.” No really, my therapist loves this sh**.

Pick?

-Max, Hardcore

-Max, Hardcore

Are

you

f***ing

Need a dose of real advice?

Email Max your questions: thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

Free Will Astrology

by Rob Brezsny © Copyright 2011

HOMEWORK:

Are you ready for an orgy of grati-

tude? Identify ten of your best blessings. Tell me all

FOR THE WEEK OF NOV. 24 TO NOV. 30

about it at Freewillastrology.com.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Basic research is what I am LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you traveled 300 million cheaper but good facsimile, I suggest you take the doing when I don’t know what I am doing,” said rocket scientist Werner von Braun. I think it’s an excellent time for you to plunge into that kind of basic research, Aries.

You’re overdue to wander around frontiers you didn’t even realize you needed to investigate. You’re ready to soak up insights from outside the boundaries of your understanding. In fact, I think it’s your sacred duty to expose yourself to raw truths and unexpected vistas that have been beyond your imagination’s power to envision.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In Woody Allen’s film

Midnight in Paris, the Ernest Hemingway character says, “All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well enough.” Given the state of your current astrological omens, Taurus, that is an excellent piece of advice. I suspect you are going to be asked to call on previously untapped reserves of courage in the coming weeks -- not because you’ll have to face physical danger but rather because you will have a chance to get to the bottom of mysteries that can only be explored if you have more courage than you’ve had up until now. And the single best way to summon the valor you’ll need is to love like a god or goddess loves.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “When I see your face,

the stones start spinning!” wrote the poet Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks. “Water turns pearly. Fire dies down and doesn’t destroy. In your presence I don’t want what I thought I wanted.” I think you need to be in the presence of a face like that, Gemini. You’ve got to get your fixations scrambled by an arresting vision of soulful authenticity. You need your colors transposed and your fire and water reconfigured. Most of all, it’s crucial that you get nudged into transforming your ideas about what you really want. So go find that healingly disruptive prod, please. It’s not necessarily the face of a gorgeous icon. It could be the face of a whisperer in the darkness or of a humble hero who’s skilled in the art of surrender. Do you know where to look?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “All my life I have longed to

be loved by a woman who was melancholy, thin, and an actress,” wrote 19th-century French author Stendhal in his diary. “Now I have been, and I am not happy.” I myself had a similar experience -- craving a particular type of women who, when she finally showed up in the flesh, disappointed me. But it turned out to be a liberating experience. Relieved of my delusory fantasy, I was able to draw more joy from what life was actually giving me. As you contemplate your own loss, Cancerian, I hope you will find the release and deliverance I did.

years back in time, you might freak out in abject fear as you encountered dragonflies as big as eagles and cockroaches the size of dogs. But since you’re quite safe from those monsters here in the present, there’s no need to worry yourself sick about them. Similarly, if you managed to locate a time machine and return to an earlier phase of your current life, you’d come upon certain events that upset you and derailed you way back then. And yet the odds are very high that you’re not going to find a time machine. So maybe you could agree to relinquish all the anxiety you’re still carrying from those experiences that can no longer upset and derail you. Now would be an excellent moment to do so.

latter. For your current purposes, you just need what works, not what gives you prestige or bragging rights.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “It is a tremendous

act of violence to begin anything,” said Sagittarian poet Rainer Maria Rilke. “I am not able to begin. I simply skip what should be the beginning.” I urge you to consider trying that approach yourself, Sagittarius.

Instead of worrying about how to launch your rebirth, maybe you should just dive into the middle of the new life you want for yourself. Avoid stewing interminably in the frustrating mysteries of the primal chaos so you can leap into the fun in full swing.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): To prepare for her role in the CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The Golden Gate film The Help, actress Jessica Chastain forced herself to gain 15 pounds. It was tough, because she normally follows a very healthy diet. The strategy that worked best was to ingest a lot of calorie-heavy, estrogen-rich ice cream made from soybeans. To be in alignment with current cosmic rhythms, it would make sense for you to fatten yourself up, too, Virgo -- metaphorically speaking, that is. I think you’d benefit from having more ballast, more gravitas. You need to be sure you’re wellanchored and not easy to push around. It’s nearly time to take an unshakable stand for what you care about most.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In a famous Monty Python

sketch, a Hungarian tourist goes into a British tobacconist’s store to buy cigarettes. Since he doesn’t speak English, he consults a phrase book to find the right words. “My hovercraft is full of eels,” he tells the clerk, who’s not sure what he means. The tourist tries again: “Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?” Again, the clerk is confused. In the coming week, Libra, I foresee you having to deal with communications that are equally askew.

Be patient, please. Try your best to figure out the intentions and meanings behind the odd messages you’re presented with. Your translating skills are at a peak, fortunately, as are your abilities to understand what other people -- even fuzzy thinkers -- are saying.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): There are modern Chinese

painters who use oil paints on canvas to create nearperfect replicas of famous European masterpieces.

So while the genuine copy of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” is worth over $100 million, you can buy an excellent copy on the Internet for less than $100. If you’re faced with a comparable choice in the coming week -- whether to go with a pricey original or a

Bridge spans the place where San Francisco Bay meets the Pacific Ocean. It wasn’t easy to build. The water below is deep, wind-swept, beset with swirling currents, and on occasion shrouded with blinding fog.

Recognizing its magnificence, the American Society of Civil Engineers calls the bridge one of the modern Wonders of the World. Strange to think, then, that the bridge was constructed between 1933 and 1937, during the height of the Great Depression. I suggest you make it your symbol of power for the coming weeks, Capricorn. Formulate a plan to begin working toward a triumph in the least successful part of your life.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s an excellent time

for you to get an entourage -- or if you already have one, to expand it. For that matter, it’s a perfect moment for you to recruit more soldiers to help you carry out your plot to overthrow the status quo. Or to round up more allies for your plans to change the course of local history. Or to gather more accomplices as you seek to boldly go where you have never gone before. So beef up your support system. Boost the likelihood that your conspiracy will succeed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you expand your concept

of what you’re capable of, you will receive a specific offer to move up a notch. If you perform your duties with intensified care and grace, you will be given new responsibilities that catalyze your sleeping potential.

The universe doesn’t always act with so much karmic precision, with such sleek, efficient fairness, but that’s how it’s working in your vicinity right now.

Here’s one more example of how reasonable the fates are behaving: If you resolve to compete against no one but yourself, you will be shown new secrets about how to express your idiosyncratic genius.

Make your mark. theVAULTmagazine CRACK T H E VAULT

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Jonesin’ Crossword

LAST ISSUE’S SOLUTIONS Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

“Aftermath”--finally calling it quits.

SUDOKU To Play: Complete the grid so that every row, column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. There is no guessing or math involved, just use logic to solve.

Across

1 “You are not!” retort 6 Antlered beast 9 First word of two Springsteen albums 13 Skeezy type 14 “___ So High” (Blur song) 16 “Peek-___!”

17 Dorothy’s aunt’s precipitation is surprisingly mild?

19 “Te ___” (hymn title) 20 Miss Scarlet’s game 21 Record player parts 23 “The Fifth Beatle” Sutcliffe 25 The guy who always dyes eggs in springtime?

27 Cigarette ingredient 28 Palme ___ (Cannes Film Festival prize) 29 Tool that breaks ground 30 Humble dwelling 32 It’s a little dirtier than “bum” 35 Hail ___ 39 Fictional spy who’s really a giant department store founder?

42 Cubs all-time home run leader 43 Attachable brick brand 44 Spot in the water 45 Emerald, for one 47 Hot Topic founder ___ Madden 49 Some fish bait 50 Command for this flan-like dessert to jump in my mouth already?

55 “...___ and buts were candy and nuts...”

56 Shout after an unhappy return 57 Perched upon 59 “Squawk Box” network 60 Announcement/event of September 2011, or what happened to the theme answers 64 End in ___ 65 Swiss painter Paul 66 Flightless birds 67 Rick of the radio 68 Pig’s digs 69 Late jazz musician who insisted he was from Saturn

Down

1 Word in many beer names 2 Give guns to 3 Full of a liquid metal 4 Insignia 5 Turn-of-the-century place to get high 6 Key near F1 7 ___ Apso 8 Seaweed varieties 9 Nightmares 10 “Divided by” symbols (BE OIL anagram) 11 French city where Joan of Arc died 12 Claim on some Chinese menus 15 Alan ___ (pseudonym used by film directors) 18 Roman emperor who fiddled around 22 Role reprised by Keanu in 2003 23 Wild guesses 24 Deed not to be done 26 Rub out 31 Competes on the street 33 Bad toupee 34 Thread holder 36 Baseball Jr. nicknamed “Iron Man” 37 “___ Cakes” (Food Network show) 38 8-bit units 40 Herbal remedy from trees 41 Rosie, et al.

46 Brain waves monitor: abbr.

48 Tail end 50 Seed plant (DC CAY anagram) 51 ___ Carlo 52 “Memories of You” pianist Blake 53 Cambodian currency 54 Like some needs 58 Where North Shore surfers go 61 Richard of 1990s talk show fame 62 Egypt and Syr., from 19581961 63 “Don’t do drugs” ad, for short ©2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords

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COMICS

BY JASON HEWITT

Obscure Wizardry

PUZZLES &

theVAULTmagazine comes out every two weeks.

Issue #6 Hits Newsstands on Dec.9th.

There will be no issue on Dec. 23rd

CRACK T H E VAULT

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