theVAULTmagazine ~ Issue 8

theVAULTmagazine Issue #8 - January 20, 2012

Crack the Vault

SOPA 2012 Movie Guide Golden Globe Winners The Ugly Side of Tinsel Town

FREE

o r e Z M ile l a n o i Reg x e l p i t l Mu

Monday to Friday 11AM - 2 PM

$9.99 French Fry Special comes with Caesar Salad & 6 oz. New York Steak

...seriously!

The Mile Zero Regional Multiplex, located in Grimshaw, is a multi-purpose facility offering a wide variety of physical activity and wellness opportunities to promote active living in the Peace Region.

Fostering health, wellness and fitness opportunities, the Mile Zero Multiplex offers the following activities:

Walking Running Cardiovascular & Weight Training Hockey Figure skating Basketball Volleyball Badminton Tennis Dance & much more! n

n

n

n

780-332-4005

www.grimshaw.ca 2 theVAULTmagazine

10

YELLOWKNIFE HAY RIVER W HIGH LEVEL T MANNING N

GRIMSHAW

632 381 180 52

MILE ZERO MACKENZIE HIGHWAY

J A NU ARY 20 , 20 12

9703 100 Street | Main Street Peace River

theVAULTmagazine FEATURE 8 2012 Movie Guide

Issue #8 - January 20, 2012

Letter to the Editors [RE: “Bruce Powers Down: Peace Plant a No Go” from Issue 7]

Please Recycle Me.

SECTIONS 04 Inside the Vault 07 Film Section 12 Calendar 14 Entertainment 17 Social Comment 18 Staff Picks 19 Rants & Raves 20 Sex 21 Astronomy/Oddities 22 Puzzles & Comics

theVAULTmagazine (Peace Region) @thevaultmag www.thevaultmagazine.tumblr.com

10506 101 ST. PEACE RIVER, AB. T8S-1L1

Very good article Susan, but I will take exception with one comment you made. This victory was expected. Some of us were always confident of winning and we knew by April 2010 that we defeated the proposal as well as its proponents in industry, academia and all three levels of government.

Bruce Power just didn’t have the good grace to leave.

We won because people and groups in a dozen towns across the province got together and educated their communities.

People stood up for their rights and when they realized the governments were trampling on their rights, they fought back harder and in some cases broke unjust laws. I never doubted we would win because of the dedication I saw in the people I worked with from PRES, the Tipping Point, CAUSE, Sierra Club, CAND, SPOC, Greenpeace, Earth Alternatives and the Weberville Area Connection.

A thirty-year old friend recently told me: “There’s nothing you can do about “progress” so there’s no point worrying about it.” I bristled and he got my standard reply to that comment: That’s the rationale used by people who are too lazy or cowardly to try. Then I told him the story of “The Farmers and the Mama Bear Housewives” who kicked the crap ouy of the nuclear industry in Alberta. Point made.

CHEERS!!!

Pat McNamara

CORRECTIONS The Homespun Review (p. 17) should have been attributed to Terry Cameron Also, the lovely cello-playing lady (p. 16) is Anjil Shimoon.

WWW.THEVAULTMAG.COM THEVAULTMAGAZINE@HOTMAIL.COM WWW.THEVAULTMAGAZINE.TUMBLR.COM

The editors would like to apologize for these mistakes.

PLATO’S CAVE PUBLISHING presents THEVAULTMAGAZINE editing and publishing by JENELLE LIZOTTE TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE social media and reception by MARY WARREN logo design by MICHAEL BOONE layout design by JENELLE LIZOTTE TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE CHRISTINE TAYLOR and CHRIS ZWICK distributed by MICHAEL RUSSELL and DVS website design by SUSH WONG and DOUG HURST, WILD CARD TECHNOLOGY SOLUTIONS ad design by AIMIE WILLIAMS and SUSH WONG ad sales by TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE photography by JENELLE LIZOTTE TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE and MARY WARREN with contributors DYLAN LALIBERTE CJ LYONS MARK RIEDER SUSAN THOMPSON MARY WARREN and CHRIS ZWICK theVAULTmagazine is available free of charge at over 75 locations in the greater Peace Region every other Friday. We are funded solely through the support of our advertisers. theVAULTmagazine is published biweekly by Plato’s Cave Publishing. No content herein can be reproduced without written consent of the publisher. We accept contributions provided they are the property of the contributor and are offered exclusively to theVAULTmagazine. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the return or safety of contributed materials and therefore will not be held responsible. All opinions or statements expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher or staff. The reader must understand that all information presented in this publication is from various sources, therefore theVAULTmagazine cannot be held responsible for any accuracy, completeness or legalities. We ask that each reader take only one copy, unless your grabbing one for your friend. That is all.

CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

3

INSIDE THE VAULT

Digital

pirates on yonder horizon:

SOPA casts shadow on internet

BY CHRIS ZWICK

A

t the stroke of midnight on January 18, 2012, the most dense and vast repository of human knowledge ever assembled ceased to exist – for 24 hours - some say in the support of pirates.

“For over a decade, we have spent millions of hours building the largest encyclopedia in human history,” read the proclamation adorning Wikipedia’s English web portal that day.

“Right now, the U.S. Congress is considering legislation that could fatally damage the free and open internet. For 24 hours, to

raise awareness, we are blacking out Wikipedia.”

Originally conceived on the website Reddit; Wikipedia, along with Google, Facebook, Twitter, Mozilla and AOL are among thousands of other web giants who have come out against the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and participated in the SOPA Strike of Jan. 18, either by blacking out their sites or posting links to help better educate the public on the adverse effects they say the legislation will cause.

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), along with

several major movie and music studios, publishing companies and news corporations – industries that have undoubtedly seen their respective profits drop considerably since the advent of the internet -- have banded together as proponents of SOPA, saying the act will ensure the safety of more than 2 million jobs across the industries.

The consortium’s biggest beef though is the ease of the distribution of their content. Content, whether it’s music, film, photographs, news, literature or any other form, that is no longer exclusive. It is now digitized and shared around the world many

times over, often infringing on the copyrights of those works, something they may very well be correct in calling theft.

However, opponents of SOPA say it will be a dangerous precedent to set, making it far too easy to take websites offline during long court battles, simply because you don’t agree with their content. A good portion of the internet would soon be blacked out due to frivolous lawsuits numbering far too many to count. It would also eliminate websites based upon user-generated content; websites like Wikipedia and YouTube, which is owned by Google.

Wikipedia, the most high-profile non-profit of the bunch has deflected accusations it has lost its apparent neutrality for its role in the SOPA Strike. In response, the website posted this: “We are staging this blackout because, although Wikipedia’s articles are neutral, its existence actually is not. Wikipedia depends on its existence for a free and open, uncensored Internet. We are shutting down for you, our readers.”

It seems there is no middle ground; it’s either going to be the way it is, or the way it was; are you a pirate or a baron?

NEWS SNIPPETS Alberta alcohol matters Despite floating a “sin tax” on alcohol and tobacco to encourage Albertans to better their health by reducing their use of these substances late last year, Premier Alison Redford said last week the Alberta Government has no plans to increase the legal drinking age in the province from 18 to 19 but is still expected to decrease the legal alcohol limit while driving from 0.08 to 0.05 per cent blood alcohol content (BAC).

The new law, which is expected to come into effect after a spring election will see those caught driving with BAC between 0.05 and 0.08 have their vehicle seized and their license suspended for three days on a first offense. A second offense could see offenders facing 15 days in jail.

Redford shot down the idea of increasing the legal drinking age after Calgary Police Chief Rick Hanson, who is also the head of the Alberta Association of Chiefs of Police, told a Calgary news columnist he supported the increase.

Oil and gas practices under Middle East review in BC continue The province of British Columbia is undertaking a review to determine if practices such as fracking and flaring by the oil and gas industries are harmful to human health.

The review came about after a public meeting in Fort St. John last spring where residents demanded answers from Premier Christy Clark regarding apparent health problems caused by sour gas leaks – similar to accusations made by neighbouring residents in northwest Alberta -- accusations the industry denies.

While some residents in northeast BC are satisfied with the announcement of a review, opposition is still abundant with many saying it is not enough and will only delve deep enough to appease complainants without angering the industry, which is a major part of the BC economy.

The first phase of the review will include an immediate public consultation with phase 2, a human health risk assessment, getting underway in April.

4 theVAULTmagazine

J A NU ARY 20 , 20 12

tensions

The preamble to war between the United States and Iran continued to escalate last week as the U.S. Department of Defense released video of Iranian speedboats charging a U.S. warship in the Strait of Hermuz between Oman and Iran.

The strait is an important waterway for American oil imports coming from the Middle East and as such is heavily protected by the U.S. and its allies. Iran has threatened to blockade the strait if more sanctions are imposed by the international community for its continually growing nuclear program.

On Dec. 31, President Barack Obama announced new sanctions that urge countries to stop buying oil from Iran and the European Union is expected to adopt similar sanctions this week. Iran exports 2.6 million barrels of oil every day.

A day after the video was released Iranian officials announced it had “reliable documents” the United

States was behind the recent assassination of an Iranian nuclear scientist, the fifth car bomb attack of its kind in the last five years.

Iran has also recently sentenced an Iranian-born U.S. citizen and former marine to death for spying.

Murdoch calls Google a pirate Australian-American billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch called Google “a piracy leader” through Twitter last week, accusing the search engine giant of making millions of dollars from ads for pirated material.

Murdoch’s Twitter comments come as the U.S. government raised its concerns with the SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act), which will harden piracy laws for the internet, is potentially harmful to free speech, the right to due process and other constitutional freedoms. Many media companies, including Murdoch’s News Corporation, have supported the act, while many technology companies like Google have been against the new law.

Google responded by calling Murdoch’s allegations “nonsense,” citing its own fight against online pirates and fraudulent advertisements where it has torn down 5 million infringing websites.

Facebook foils cop-hater A St. Albert man was charged with uttering threats after he allegedly threatened to shoot police officers in a Facebook post. The alleged comment was reported to the FBI by a U.S. woman and was then forwarded to the RCMP. The exact wording of post has not been made public, but other comments on James Houstra’s Facebook page included many that sympathized with James Roszko, who killed four RCMP officers near Mayerthorpe in 1995 and others that castigated law enforcement for their handling of various events including Occupy Edmonton.

Houtstra was arrested after an hour long stand-off at his home in St. Albert on Jan. 13 and will appear in court Jan. 30.

INSIDE THE VAULT

BY TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

Automatic Hollywood: Reel Digitization

F

or more than 120 years movie theatres have predominately shown their films on 35mm film-stock projectors. Now, that’s old news.

According to market intelligence company IHS, the global number of digital screens will surpass film screens by the end of this January and local theatre owners and patrons may start feeling the pinch.

Hey, remember the movie Avatar? Hitting the big screens in December of 2009, James Cameron’s epic had a profound effect on industry trends all around. But most importantly, it inspired many theatre owners to switch their projectors and sound systems in favour of an expensive digital changeover to meet the newfound consumer and industry demand created by the landmark film.

Today, just two short years after

Avatar’s release, theatre owners worldwide are facing pressure to go digital or possibly go out of business. With a hefty price tag of approximately $100,000– $150,000 per auditorium, going digital is going to be more difficult for some than others.

Meanwhile, in recent years Kodak has plummeted from its position as lead film stock producer to showing definite signs of bankruptcy. Sources say major movie companies are joining the producers of digital projectors to push digital cinema in an effort to reduce the overall costs of moviemaking and increase the control companies have over the distribution of their product.

Peace River’s River City Cinema has plans to convert all four of their screens. Tom Hutchinson, Magic Lantern Theatres President, told theVAULTmagazine digitization is simply a sign of the times

For only 20 bucks get your sweetheart a customized valentine!

Choose one of the templates below & write you own greeting (of up to 20 words).

Happy Valentines Day!

You are so beautiful to me.

e, LovtheVAULTmagazine

As soon as forever , is through, I ll be over you. theVAULTmagazine

In August of 2011, The Aurora Theatre in Manning was purchased by Brandi & Ian Fedorowicz. At that time, they had a five-year plan to purchase and install digital equipment.

Today, only five months later, Brandi told theVAULTmagazine they are in the process of researching their options and are wondering if the conversion will have to come sooner than expected.

Even though Hollywood is over 3,300km away, its influence reaches even remote rural communities—the changes to projection technology is a testament to that.

Rum Runners Liquor Store

This Valentine’s Day forget flowers and chocolate.

Profess your love in print!

,

and the cost of doing business in the technological age. “It’s neither good nor bad. It just is,” he explained, reiterating the digitally revamped theatres will not be passing the cost on to movie patrons.

Beer of the Month Club

Submit your order today!

780-624-1985

1. Buy this month’s Sampler Pack,

thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

2. Come back to purchase one of the month’s selected beers,

*Deadline Sunday, January 29th.

Valentine templates are exact size.

Valentines will be printed in the February 3rd issue of theVAULTmagazine*

3. Receive 20% off the purchase price of those beer!

Happy Valentine’s Day! You are so beautiful to me.

Love,

theVAULT magazine

New Items in Store Weekly Wide variety of gift ideas Advice & Discounts for Weddings & Events

HWY 2, Grimshaw 780-332-2299 CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

5

Admit One

theVAULTmagazine Goes to the Movies

BY CHRIS ZWICK

I

f you weren’t watching the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night, it’s hard to believe you had something better to do – just know you missed Hollywood’s second biggest awards spectacle of the year. Golden Globes are awarded the best film and television have to offer, as decided by the Hollywood Foreign Press and these are the films, filmmakers and actors/actresses to watch for in the next few months as the Globes are often thought of as a preamble to the Academy Awards in March.

Note: Predictions were made after feverishly watching trailers for the films below on the afternoon before the awards show on Jan. 15, 2012.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA And the nominees are: Glenn Close – Albert Nobbs Viola Davis – The Help Rooney Mara – The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Meryl Streep – Iron Lady Tilda Swinton – We Need To Talk About Kevin Prediction: Glenn Close as a man, imagine that? Can anyone say typecasting? And I’ll mention Rooney Mara’s performance in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo because the movie looks cool but anyone who knows anything about awards shows knows this: never bet against Meryl Streep – never. Her 30year portrayal of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in Iron Lady is a shoe-in. She has to win.

Brad Pitt – Moneyball Prediction: It’s not going to be Pitt and it’s not going to be Gosling, or that other guy I’ve never heard of. It’s between DiCaprio, as closeted, fascist FBI director J. Edgar Hoover and Clooney and I’m going with Clooney just because he’s a really good actor, and such a handsome man.

Winner: George Descendants

Clooney

–

The

BEST DIRECTOR And the nominees are: Woody Allen –Midnight in Paris George Clooney – The Ides Of March Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist Alexander Payne – The Descendants Martin Scorcese – Hugo

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Prediction: Woody Allen is far past his prime, and George Clooney wins everything already. Gotta go with Scorcese simply because I like to say Scorcese! The movie looks horrible, even if visually stunning but he’s a hell of a director and a genuine contributor to the craft.

And the nominees are:

Winner: Martin Scorcese - Hugo

Winner: Meryl Streep – Iron Lady

George Clooney – The Descendants Leonardo DiCaprio – J. Edgar Michael Fassbender – Shame

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Ryan Gosling – The Ides of March

And the nominees are:

6 theVAULTmagazine

J A NU ARY 20 , 20 12

The Descendants – George Clooney stars as Matt King, an admitted “backup parent,” whose experiences raising his two daughters when his wife is suddenly hospitalized teach him a few things about life. Let’s just say he finds out few secrets about his wife along the way in this feel good family drama that just might warm the cockles of your heart. Or not.

The Help – Based in 1960s Jacksonville, Mississippi, a young writer (Emma Stone) documents racial divides between rich, white folks and the help they employ when she decides to write a book from the perspective of a black maid, of which there were many. Did I mention… she’s white.

Hugo – A young orphan (Asa Butterfield) who lives in a train station is chased around by Sasha Baron Cohen and a Doberman as he tries to solve a mystery involving some kind of old, magic robot and his deceased father in Paris in the 1930s.

The Ides of March – Starring Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Paul Giamatti, Marisa Tomei and Philip Seymour Hoffman, it’s a political thriller about a naïve, young presidential campaign strategist who turns to corruption, backstabbing and lying as all president campaign strategists do. It looks like there’s probably going to be some kind of twist at the end. Stay tuned.

Moneyball – A biographical look at Oakland Athletics general manager Billy Beane and the strategies he employed to turn the A’s into a Major League Baseball contender, starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. Beane (Pitt) takes on the help of a young computer whiz (Hill) to literally

compute the most competitive baseball team possible.

War Horse – A film about a “miraculous” horse in WW1-era Europe, with a bunch of actors I’ve never heard of, directed by Steven Spielberg. It has to be better than the trailer makes it look. I bet it’s not actually about the horse at all. The horse is probably a metaphor for something.

Prediction: Hugo, no. Moneyball, god no. The Descendants or War Horse, perhaps, but I’m a sucker for movies about writers and racial harmony and so is Hollywood. But I like politics too…

Hmmm, I’m giving it to The Help.

Winner: The Descendants Three out of four ain’t horrible.

Hollywood Foreign Press, here I come!

FILM make her look much thinner.

Kate Winslet has spoken out repeatedly when photos of her that she thought looked good in the first place have showed up in different magazines heavily edited, such as a cover shoot for GQ where her legs and waist had been substantially thinned.

Beyonce’s legs got shaved down and her baby bump disappeared on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar.

Even male tennis star Andy Roddick was surprised by his cover on Men’s Fitness, which gave the extremely fit athlete bodybuilder-sized arms he doesn’t have in real life.

More Human Than Human: Photoshop Fail

BY SUSAN THOMPSON

“B

eauty is truth, truth beauty.” So wrote Keats once, famously, about a really pretty and no doubt curvy vase.

So what would Keats think about our modern society, where our ideal of beauty is a computer-generated lie?

Photoshop has done for beauty what Auto-Tune has done for the music industry—created an easy way to fake perfection.

Open any magazine, look at any website. The vast majority of those photos have been through some sort of digital retouching.

And in many cases these photos are of people who have already won the genetic lottery, people whose natural symmetry and attractiveness are deemed superior well before any heavy-

handed help from software.

These super-humans are still given a virtual makeover to remove any remaining human flaws. Pimples and freckles and pores? Erased. Bags under the eyes? Gone. Stray hairs? Shaved with the click of a mouse. Skin tone? Lightened and whitened and smoothed out. Wrinkles?

Removed. Tiny red veins in the eyes? Scrubbed over until perfectly white. Hair colour or outfit doesn’t match the theme of the spread? It can be changed. And on and on.

Supermodel Cindy Crawford once brilliantly said that even she wishes she looked like the Cindy Crawford in the pictures.

Photoshop also works as a bloodless surgical knife, chopping off pounds, shrinking waists, removing cellulite, and making boobs bigger. That’s

whether the actor or model or celebrity involved wants—or needs—their image changed or not. It’s all up to editorial discretion, not to the real person who is being edited. A Ralph Lauren ad campaign took a size 4 model and shrunk her waist so far her kidneys would be failing if she were really that shape.

A recent Redbook cover featuring country singer Faith Hill removed the curve of her shoulder and made her arm unnaturally long and thin, despite the singer’s actual beauty. We only know this because media outlet Jezebel got their hands on a “before” picture from the shoot. Anchorwoman Katie Couric seemingly lost 20 lbs in a few months, when the exact same picture used to promote her in May 2006 was released again in September 2006, but Photoshopped to

As often as Photoshop is used to make subtle changes, it’s also wielded blatantly and with all the accuracy of a butcher’s knife. Do a quick online search and you can easily turn up dozens of “Photoshop fails.” Julia Roberts, Oprah, and Jennifer Aniston have all appeared on magazine covers wearing cut-and-pasted bodies from other pictures and/or other people. Kristen Stewart’s arm disappeared inexplicably on one recent issue of Glamour.

In other cases, models seem to have developed third limbs, or lost essential bones like elbows or hips, turned into beautiful mutants by careless editing.

H & M went to extremes with its online clothing catalogue, which not only pictured one model who strangely had no head under her hat, but even featured a series of lingerie models whose “bodies” were entirely created on computers from mannequins, and then given real models’ heads. The scary part is how long it finally took someone to notice that each model was posed in the exact same position.

Slowly but surely, the fashion industry is replacing real women—even those who are incredibly young, already genetic freaks, and starving themselves to death—with computer-generated twodimensional objects.

Two-dimensional objects don’t age, don’t gain weight, don’t change, and don’t complain.

More importantly, they don’t exist.

Yet the computer wizardry is so ubiquitous, the technology CRAC K T H E VAULT

becoming so advanced, that most of us look at these images and don’t realize that what we’re seeing is often literally physically impossible for any living, breathing human being.

Children and adolescents may be particularly vulnerable to this deception, but how often do the rest of us think about it ourselves? How often do we fall for the glamour and forget that it’s manufactured?

That, in turn, makes us all feel so much less than perfect. We wonder why we can’t look like the women and men we see pictures of every day; we feel like failures for not measuring up. We wonder how come they don’t have acne, or a belly roll when they bend over, or crow’s feet from a lifetime of smiling. We spend money on the products they’re selling with their not-actually-bodies because they promise us that we too can be perfect. When the products don’t work, we just blame ourselves and buy more, or blow our money on “new and improved.” We pay willingly for lies.

Of course, some say Photoshop is not evil, because it’s just a tool. Photoshop doesn’t butcher people; people butcher people.

Perhaps, but it’s a tool used to bludgeon us into thinking we are wrong, bad, failing, less than. It’s a tool used to desperately hide the flaws that make even the most beautiful among us share.

The epidemic is spreading into real life, faking everything from Facebook profile pictures to children’s elementary school photos, some of which are being retouched as heavily as any fashion shoot.

But why is the beauty industry so afraid of our humanity? Why must we be taught to hate our own reality, to shun it? Why do we let editors turn us into fashionable Frankenstein’s monsters, composites put together from the sanitized bits of real girls? Just so someone can collect our cash?

If Keats was right, and truth is beauty, beauty truth, then ultimately, Photoshop is making our society uglier and uglier. One lie at a time.

theVAULTmagazine

7

theVAULTmagazine’s 2012 Movie Guide

BY JENELLE LIZOTTTE

Sticking

with the trends of the past few years, this year offers more supernatural and

superhero flicks. the position to

From the Caped Crusader save 2012 from mediocrity.

to

Spidey

Supernatural flicks also dominate the big screen Oh My! There is will definitely be no shortage the next 11 months.

to the

this year.

June 20, 2012

Directed by Christopher Nolan with Christian Bale, Anne Hathaway & Tom Hardy

In the third and final film in Christopher Nolan’s imagining of the Caped Crusader, Batman will return to Gotham City after a 8-year hiatus to find his beloved city once again in peril.

Familiar faces abound with Caine, Oldman and Freeman returning as Alfred, Commissioner Gordon and Lucius Fox, respectively.

Newcomers to Gotham include Tom Hardy playing Bane, Batman’s latest brutal nemesis whom Nolan has said will “test Batman mentally as well as physically,” and Anne Hathaway who will play Selina Kyle, the woman behind Catwoman.

8 theVAULTmagazine

Shot largely in IMAX, The Dark Knight Rises boasts a handsome budget of a quarter of a billion dollars (about 70 million dollars more than The Dark Knight).

Although the franchise will likely be picked up in the future with a new director at the helm, no one will be able to match Nolan’s grandiose treatment and attention to detail. www.thedarkknightrises.com

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (3D) December 14, 2012

Directed by Peter Jackson with Martin Freeman, Ian McKellan & Richard Armitage

Set 60 years prior to the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Hobbit tells the story of how a humble hobbit embarks on a perilous journey with 13 dwarves, led by warrior J A NU ARY 20 , 20 12

Vampires,

superheroes are in

zombies, and ghosts,

of haunting characters in theatres over

There are so many great films coming out this year, Without further ado, here are a hand-picked selection

The Dark Knight Rises

Avengers,

and we have precious little space. of cinema delights to enjoy in

Thorin Oakenshield, to recover the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the dragon Smaug.

Along the way Baggins will encounter Gollum and gain possession of Gollum’s precious ring, which holds the fate of Middle Earth.

Not unlike The Dark Knight Rises, several actors return for this fantasy installment including Cate Blanchett, Elijah Wood, Ian Holm, Hugo Weaving, Orlando Bloom, Christopher Lee and others.

2012.

this highly anticipated film. The Hunger Games take place on in the nation of Panem in the not-to-distant future, where 24 tributes 12-18-year-olds (a male and female from each district) compete in The Hunger Games to fight to the death.

Protagonist Katniss and her friend Peeta find themselves competing against skilled career tributes who have been training their whole lives for the Hunger Games.

The second film, Catching Fire, is slated for a November 2013 release.

www.thehobbit.com

www.thehungergamesmovie.com

The Hunger Games

The Amazing Spiderman (3D)

March 23, 2012

Directed by Gary Ross with Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth & Woody Harrelson

Based on the bestselling trilogy by Suzanne Collins, the series kicks off with

July 3, 2012

Directed Mark Webb with Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone & Rhys Ifans

With a new director at the helm, Spiderman is getting a reboot. In this film we revisit the origins of Spidey as he copes with his newfound abilities and high school life. A sequel and video game are already in the works.

The Avengers (3D) May 4, 2012

Directed by Josh Whedon with Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johannson

Nick Fury calls together members of the Peacekeeping organization S.H.I.E.L.D. to save the world. Such members include Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, Black Widow, and Hawkeye.

Directed by Tim Burton with Johnny Depp, Michelle Phieffer & Helena Bonham Carter

Huntsman to defeat the evil queen.

In 1752, Barnabas Collins moves to America from England to flee a curse.

After breaking a witch’s heart he is buried alive until 1972. When he returns to his home he finds it inhabited by a strange array of characters.

December 21, 2012

Men In Black 3 (3D) May 25, 2012

After coming out of 2011 with the third highest grossing film, the Twilight Saga ends as the Cullens face the Volturi.

World War Z

Directed by Marc Forster with Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos & Bryan Cranston

A UN employee travels the world interviewing survivors of a zombie apocalypse nicknamed World War Z.

Brave (3D) June 22, 2012

Directed by Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman with Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connelly & Emma Thompson In this Scottish Pixar fairy tale Princess Merida’s poor choices result in disaster.

It is up to this fiery archer to set things right.

The Lorax (3D)

Skyfall

March 2, 2012

November 9, 2012

Directed by Chris Renaud & Kyle Balda with Danny Devito, Zac Efron, Taylor Swift & Ed Helms

Directed by Sam Mendes with Daniel Craig, Javier Barden & Judi Dench

A 12-year-old boy must seek out the

In the 23rd Bond film, 007’s loyalty to M is threatened due to her past. When MI6 is attacked, Bond must risk his life to eradicate the threat.

cantankerous forest creature called the Lorax in order to win over his crush.

The Great Gatsby (3D) December 25, 2012

Django Unchained December 25, 2012

Directed by Baz Luhrmann with Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan & Joel Edgerton

Directed by Quentin Tarantino with Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio & Samuel L. Jackson

In this 1920s drama based on a F. Scott Fitzgerald novel, Nick Carraway becomes fascinated with his neighbour Jay Gatsby.

In Tarantino’s take on a spaghetti western, A former slave sets out to rescue his wife from a plantation owner.

Prometheus (3D)

Moonrise Kingdom

Directed by Ridley Scott with Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron & Guy Pearce

Directed by Wes Anderson with Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward & Bruce Willis

In an attempt to find the origin of humanity, the crew of the Prometheus explorer face an advanced civilization of extraterrestrial life.

Set in the 1960s, a young boy and girl fall in love and decide to run away together causing locals to form a search party to find them.

June 8, 2012

John Carter March 9, 2012

Directed by Andrew Stanton with Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins & Willem Dafoe When civil war veteran finds himself transplanted to Mars he is taken prisoner by the green 12-foot-tall inhabitants.

Upon escaping their capture he meets a princess who needs his help.

Dark Shadows May 11, 2012

May 25, 2012

Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld with Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones & Josh Brolin

After a 10 year break, the MIB are back...in time. Agent J has to go back to the 1960s to stop an alien from threatening his partner.

Snow White Huntsman

and the

June 1, 2012

Directed by Rupert Sanders with Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth & Charlize Theron

In a dark twist to the beloved fairy tale, Snow White teams up with the

Silent House March 9, 2012

Directed by Chris Kentis & Laura Lau with Elizabeth Olsen, Adam Trese & Eric Sheffer Stevens

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (3D)

Based on a true story, this film is shot in one continuous shot. Sarah, her father, and her uncle set out to fix up their neglected lakeside property--creepy haunting situations ensue.

Directed by Timur Bekmambetov with Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Alan Tudyk & Dominic Cooper

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 November 16, 2012

Directed by Bill Condon with Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson & Taylor Lautner CRAC K T H E VAULT

June 22, 2012

After vampires kill his mother, President Abraham Lincoln sets off on a violent tirade killing vampires and their slaveowning buddies.

theVAULTmagazine

9

The Ugly Side of Tinsel Town Death & Mystery

BY CHRIS ZWICK

I

t’s a land of story-tellers and actors, so it can be difficult to decipher fact from fiction, but true mystery does abound in Hollywood. Aside from the accidental drug overdoses, which aren’t so mysterious, there are many more lesserknown Hollywood deaths from the past that themselves could be made into movies of their own.

A

Thomas Ince was a silent film actor, director and producer in the early 20th century, mostly in the western genre whose early demise on the yacht of newspaper baron William Randolph Hearst has become one of the longest standing Hollywood mysteries of all time.

Actress Thelma Todd’s death in 1935 was first thought to be an accidental carbon monoxide poisoning but subsequent findings of the original investigation found there was blood on her face and dress which led some to believe she was beaten and left in the running car to inhale the lethal fumes, or was locked in the garage with the running car. Witnesses eventually came forward to say she was in a confrontation with her exhusband, known gangster Pat DiCicco that night. Todd’s death remains classified as a suicide to this day.

As the official story goes, Ince died of heart failure two days after his 42nd birthday in 1924.

The legend of Ince’s death though tells of a vicious love

George Reeve was TV’s original superman in the 1950s, whose official cause of death is often speculated upon but is officially seen as a self-inflicted

Beauty Hurts

lThough self-modification procedures are virtually age old, the aftermath of World War I had a lot to do with the initial rise in plastic surgery. Advancements in facial reconstructive surgery allowed disfigured war survivors to live more comfortably.

By the 1960s, breast implants started to become fashionable. Woman, notably show girls, were injecting their breasts with liquid silicone, which had been used by the Japanese during World War I to combat the muscular-deterioration effects of polio. This was quite dangerous for these woman and many suffered amputation or at the very least saggy and uncomfortable breasts in their older age.

More recently plastic surgery is becoming more common, especially in the United States and among women.

According to the American Society of Aesthetic Surgery, in 2008, $11.8 billion was spent on 10 million

cosmetic procedures in the U.S. Men only represent eight per cent of the 10 million figure. The most common age group to receive a cosmetic procedure was the 35-50 year-old demographic.

At 355,671 procedures, the most popular surgery in 2008 was breast augmentation. It’s a one-two hour surgery with a $3,600-$3,900 touch.

Don’t worry though, you’ll be back to work in a week or two.

Sadly, this doesn’t hold a candle to the most popular non-surgical procedure. In the same year, 2, 464, 123 Botox injections where administered in the U.S. In Canada, it is more difficult to collect definitive numbers simply because neither Health Canada nor Statistics Canada has been keeping count. However, according to Medicard Finance, a company that collects such data, the cosmetic procedure industry was worth half a billion dollars in 2003.

10 theVAULTmagazine

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

triangle between Hearst, himself and actress Marion Davis which ended when Hearst shot Ince in the head and covered up the death in the press.

G

gunshot wound to the head.

Reeve was found dead in his bed after retiring from a late night party in June 1959. Even though it seemed like an openand-shut suicide, many have since pointed to the fact that no fingerprints and no gunpowder residue were found at the scene of the crime.

Bob Crane starred in Hogan’s Heroes in the mid to late ‘60s and was found bludgeoned to death with what is believed to have been a camera tripod in June 1978 and even though his suspected murderer went to trial, there was not enough evidence to convict him and the case remains unsolved. As the story goes, Crane broke off a friendship with John Carpenter, who was known to have photographed Crane in many sexual scenarios with women. The next day, Crane’s body was found in Scottsdale, Arizona.

On Set Mishaps

litz, glamour and the imagination are all captivated within cinema. We get caught up in the vision of the director and are completely drawn into a movie because of this, the entire industry seems so glamorous and alluring, but what really goes on when the curtain is closed and a film is still in production?

Accidents, mishaps and mayhem occur more often than anyone would care to think.

It is no surprise earlier films were riddled with set dangers but thanks to the call for work safety standards, many accidents have been averted today.

However, today’s movie industry is still riddled with mishaps and reckless directors. Such an incident occurred in 2010 during the filming of Transformers

3. Extras were paid medium wage to drive during a highway scene adjacent to a stunt scene. Unfortunately, the extras were not warned about the potential danger so it came as a huge shock when extra Gabriella Cedillo was struck by a snapped cable, slicing her skull open.

Another recent incident was on set of the new Resident Evil. Zombies fell through a gap between platforms.

Paramedics arrived on scene slightly confused trying to find the source of real wounds. Fortunately, nobody was seriously injured and almost everyone was back on set the next day.

Despite these misfortunes, one movie that undoubtedly takes the cake is controversial Cannibal Holocaust. One major controversy among the cast

was the animal slaughter scenes.

Several actors outright refused to take part in those scenes and were very uncomfortable with it actually happening.

Native extras in particular were mistreated as they were unpaid, uncredited and put into some of the most dangerous and life threatening scenes. For example, the scene where they are all crowded in a literally burning hut.

This raises the question, are all those millions of movie dollars spent wisely? Or are they just used greatly on special effects, overpriced actors who sometimes can’t act and huge sets? Whether it’s high budget or low budget, it would seem it is nearly impossible to take enough safety precautions, dispelling at least a little of that movie glamour.

ARTS Artist Directory SHANNON BROWN Oil Painter (Recently graduated from NSCAD university.

Shannon is practising the art of painting through landscape oil paintings, murals and is now using neon acrylics. shane_browndotcom@hotmail.com

CAROLYN GERK Pencil, Acrylic, & Watercolor (Portraits, landscapes, still life, children’s decor, murals, personalized items, decorative art and gifts. Requests welcome) 7 8 0 - 6 2 5 - 1 2 1 5 carolyn.2345@hotmail.com FB: Creative Design by Carolyn

Portrait of Marcel Duchamp by Marcel Duchamp

S

DaDaism: ANti-Art

hortly after the First World War, an art movement emerged which has been described as “anti-art.”

The Dada movement was born from the ashes of war and stood boldly as a protest against the barbarism of war and the oppressive intellectual rigidity presented not only in art but every day society as well. As an art form Dadaism has been characterized by deliberate irrationality and the utter rejection of the conventional standards of art. Instead of having a strong implicit or latent message, Dadaism instead searched and strived for a lack of meaning, giving the viewer the opportunity to interpret the art how they wanted.

Despite being anti-art, Dadaism was a commentary on art and society, which ironically earned it a place as an art form. To understand Dada, you need to understand nonsense as well as

the confusion WWI had left on the world. Despite the bitter taste war had left in the mouth of society, Dada rose from the chaos to bring yet more chaos through mockery and criticism of the dominant culture. ¨Dada does not point its hate and contempt at anyone in particular. He does not despise our culture less than he despises its moralistic fighters, who comatise themselves in the rhetoric of their sermons.

The Dadaist is serious enough to doubt his own seriousness, and to convince the viewer to doubt him as well.¨ “Trends in the Present Day Art of Painting,” Jacob Bendien, Rotterdam 1936 Despite the intentional lack of meaning behind the art, the movement itself like many art movements was thoroughly politically inspired. For many Dadaists, it was revolt against the bourgeois nationalist and

colonist interests prominent in society. It was felt that the war was caused by these interests.

Dadaists were also strongly against cultural and intellectual conformity in society, hence why they wanted to create something so unconventional and nonconformist.

Once the flood gates of nonsense had at last been opened, it paved the way for artistic revolutionaries to experiment on a whole new intellectual level.

Instead of obvious answers, art had hidden meanings (or a total lack of meaning) which allowed art viewers to offer their own interpretations without fear of being wrong. Thanks to Dadaism and its nonsense, surrealism was pushed forward and with surrealism came a complete embrace of the imagination.

A little out of the box thinking goes a long way.

VERNON LEDGER Musician (Guitar, Bass, Piano, Vocals. Band: A New Direction. Teaches Song Writing, Jams, Available for events.)

7 8 0 - 6 2 4 - 2 6 9 3 ner vedge1984@live.com MARIE ELDSTROM Photographer (Owns House of E Photographic Imagery.

Book a session. Tell your story.

Promises a unique and exciting experience. Portraits & Prints.) marieeldstrom@gmail.com houseofphotographicartistry. blogspot.com LEAH WOOD Photographer (Do you want unique photos?

Order your session today!)

780-618-8204 leahwoodphotography.com leahwoodphotography.com/ blog E P H E M E R A Band (Buzz Lorenzen, lead vocals, guitar, songwriter.

Anjil Shimoon, cello, backing vocals, extreme sexiness.) drbuzzmd@yahoo.com

SUSAN THOMPSON Dancer (Belly dance, fire dance, fire fans, palm torches, LED fans, choreographed or freestyle, go-go dancing) vantom@xplornet.com FB: Sisu Belly Dance ARIANA

HAMMERBERG

Oil, Acrylic, & Watercolour (Landscapes,abstract,mixed m e d i a ) 7 8 0 - 6 2 5 - 1 7 9 4 ahammerberg@yahoo.com FB: Paintings by Ariana CJ LYONS Works by commission in acrylic, graphite, charcoal and digital design.

Gallery at meganekkobomb.deviantart.com caylah.lyons@hotmail.com ALECIA VOGEL Singer/Songwriter (Gravitates more towards the pop/ folk side of things. Also in the midst of releasing a demo and loving every moment of it.) aleciahh@gmail.com 7 8 0 - 6 2 5 - 7 3 2 9 MARY WARREN Graphite & Ink (Realistic to animated, I enjoy working with nearly all mediums and art forms. I also dabble in clothing design.) sickyslimys@hotmail.com SARAH SHUDRA Dancer (Director of Bongo Studio, Latin instructor, Zumba instructor, choreographer and professional dancer of Peruvian music) 780-625-7428 sarashudra@yahoo.es

Are you an artist or musician who would like to be featured in theVAULTmagazine’s Artist Directory?

Email us your info at thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

CRACK T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

11

Community Calendar Email us at theVAULTmagazine@hotmail.com to add your event to the calendar All information presented in this calendar is gathered from a variety of sources. theVAULTmagazine assumes no responsibility for any misrepresented information. We mean well.

Any corrections or compliments can be directed to thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

FRI, JAN 20 P

P

F

P

P

STORYTIME (Family) - PR Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5. Story and Craft. Parent or Caregiver participation required.

P

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership. Every Friday.

P

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Rec F Centre 5:30-7pm - Every Mon. $6 with gym membership, FREE with membership.

BILINGUAL STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 2pm - Ages 3-5. Join us for two stories one in English and one in French and a craft.

Parent or caregiver participation required.

P

G

P

ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

FREE SKATE (Family) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex 2-3:30pm- Sponsored by the ATB in Grimshaw.

P

P

P

P

DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN” (Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

12 theVAULTmagazine

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - PR Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wed. For more info call 780-624-4076.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) - Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443 1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

Everyone welcome!

P

P

F

P

BOOK BUGS (Family) - New Horizon Centre 1011:30am - FREE program for children ages 0-6. For more info call Tracey at 780-835-3273.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710 FREE MOVIE NIGHT (Family) - Peace River Library 6-8pm - Movie: Snow Dogs. Popcorn and drinks provided.

DEVELOPMENTAL PLAYGROUP (Family) - United Church Basement 1-2:30pm - Gross and Fine Motor Skills, Social Skills, Healthy Snacks, Music and Crafts. Every Thursday.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 - Beginner/Intermediate classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

G DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN”

(Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

M

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

C KID’S CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall

4-5:30pm - Ages 6-9. Every Thurs. For more info call 780-322-3954.

FRI, JAN 27 P

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair P Rec Centre 1 - 2pm. Every Wed. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

G

P

PEACE CHALLENGERS TOASTMASTER CLUB (Self Help) - Northlands Sch. Div. (980977 Ave) 7:30pm - Learn to speak with confidence & professional leadership skills.

Every Tues. For more info call Cindy 780-624-4890.

C PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall

P

P

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 5:15pm - Beginner & Intermediate. BYO Mats & Blankets. Drop ins $12. (Tuesdays from Jan 10 - Apr 17). For more info call 780-624-4249.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion

M Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE

WED, JAN 25

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

TUES, JAN 24

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

THURS, JAN 26

(Theatre) - Elk’s Hall 7pm - Every Tues, Thurs, and Sun until Jan 27. Performances in late Jan, early Feb.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning M Elementary Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All pre-school children welcome.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

G DINNER THEATRE REHEARSALS “THIS OLD MAN”

G

SUN, JAN 22

G

Adair Rec Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks M Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

G ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace

FREE SKATE (Family) - Baytex Energy Centre 5-6:30pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

M

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al

WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library G 7:30pm - Every Mon. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

Presented by Mitelka Folkloric Theatre & Dance Co. Tix ($20 (adults),$10 (6-12 years)) available at Ruby’s Variety Shop.

P

(Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

PARENTS & TOTS (Family) - Nampa Municipal N Library 10-11:30pm - For more info call 780-322-3954.

F WINTERFEST (Theatre) - E. E. Oliver Gym 6pm -

F

BUSKING AT THE BELLE (Music) - Belle Centre Mocha Room 7:30-11pm - Admission is pay-whatyou-can, performers are free. Musicians bring your tip jar or instrument case.

MON, JAN 23

SAT, JAN 21

P

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 4pm - Beginner and Intermediate. BYO Mats and Blanket. Drop-ins $12. (Sundays from Jan 15 - Apr 15). For more info call 780-624-4249.

STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5.

Story and Craft. Parent or Caregiver participation required.

THIS OLD MAN DINNER THEATRE (Theatre) -

G Elk’s Hall 6pm - Presented by the Lac Cardinal

Performing Arts Society. Tix ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

P

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More

P

Grimshaw G

B

Berwyn/Brownvale

C

Cadotte Lake

D

DIXONVILLE

F

Falher

F

Fairview

Peace River P

G

Girouxville

St. Isidore S

Nampa N Manning M McLennan M

Info call 780-219-1485.

P

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org

PROUD TO SUPPORT OUR COMMUNITY! Inquire about coffee for your next event.

($25) available at Style Ryte Cleaners.

P

WOOL ON WOLVES (Music) - Belle Centre 9pm Advance tix $30 or $40 at the door. Tix available at Main Street Shell, Thinklocalmarket.com or at the Belle Centre 780-624-8318.

DR. SEUSS ON THE LOOSE (Family) - Fairview Public

DUANE STEELE (Music) - Elk’s Hall 6:30pm (dinner), M 8pm (dance) - Tickets $35 (adults), $10 (under 12) OR $25 (adults), $5 (under 12) for dance only. For tix or info call Jean 780-837-2220.

F

P

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership.

Every Friday INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

SAT, JAN 28 P

THE UNDERGROUND MUSIC SOCIETY PRESENTS THE MIKE CLARK BAND (Music) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 8pm - Tix $25 Adv. or $30 at the door. Tix available at Village AVU and Danberger’s.

G THIS OLD MAN DINNER THEATRE (Theatre) -

Elk’s Hall 6pm - Presented by the Lac Cardinal Performing Arts Society. Tix ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

G

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

P

SUN, JAN 29 F ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

P

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre P 4pm - Beginner and Intermediate. BYO Mats and Blanket. Drop-ins welcome. $12. (Sundays from Jan 15 - Apr 15). For more info call 780-624-4249.

BUSKING AT THE BELLE (Music) - Belle Centre P Mocha Room 7:30-11pm - Admission is pay-whatyou-can, performers are free. Musicians bring your tip jar or instrument case.

MON, JAN 30 P

P

BILINGUAL STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 2pm - Ages 3-5. Join us for two stories one in English and one in French and a craft.

Parent or caregiver participation required.

BILL BOURNE (Music) - Athabasca Hall 8pm - Tix

exercising and having fun.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

7:30pm - Every Mon. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

Library 10-11:30pm - For more info call 780-322-3954.

TUES, JAN 31 P

M

P

P

P

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Rec F Centre 5:30-7pm - Every Mon. $6 with gym

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP P (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning M Elementary Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All pre-school children welcome.

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org

P

P

N PARENTS & TOTS (Family) - Nampa Municipal

G WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library

P P

FREE SKATE (Family) - Baytex Arena 5-6:30pm Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks

M Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while

P

F Library 7-7:45pm - For family literacy day we’re

celebrating Dr. Seuss with stories, prizes, food & fun. Dress up (opt.).

membership, FREE with membership.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Manning Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays.

FREE Everyone welcome!

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - PR Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

G TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness)

- Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443.

G BOOK BUGS (Family) - New Horizon Centre 10-

11:30am - FREE program for children ages 0-6. For more info call Tracey at 780-835-3273.

THURS, FEB 2 M MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion

Hall 11-12pm - Tues & Thurs. FREE Everyone welcome!

SARAH MACDOUGALL (Music) - Belle Centre 7:30pm - Tix $20 adv or $30 at the door. For more info call 780-624-8318.

C KID’S CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall

PEACE CHALLENGERS TOASTMASTER CLUB (Self Help) - Northlands Sch. Div. (9809-77 Ave) 7:30pm - Learn to speak with confidence & professional leadership skills. Every Tues. For more info call Cindy 780-624-4890.

M Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

4-5:30pm - Ages 6-9. Every Thurs. For more info call 780-322-3954.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks exercising and having fun.

P

P

WED, FEB 1 C

P

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec Centre 1 - 2pm. Every Wed. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 - Beginner/Intermediate classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710

PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

13

ENTERTAINMENT

Dreams by Design brought a crowd to their feet at the Belle Centre’s Variety Show on January 14. Photography: Mary Warren

Belle Centre Showcases Local Talent at Variety Show

BY MARY WARREN

L

ocal talent impressed the Belle Centre audience with music about love, northern Alberta, and cover songs. Although the performers varied in technique and age, none were short on talent. Seventeen-yearold singer/songwriter Jamie Arsenault of Grande Prairie impressed and delighted the crowd with her love songs, undoubtedly winning over a

few new fans. During her set she announced the audience would be the test subjects for a song she had recently written.

Judging from the applause, it was a success.

The crowd also responded very well to a young group’s adoption of John Mayer songs. The electric guitar solo was noteworthy, a friend next to me at first was confused where the sound was coming from until he noted the youth

strumming passionately on his guitar. He applauded the guitarist whole heartedly.

Kevin Bekevich, a Busking at the Belle regular also took to the stage, playing western songs to the joy of the crowd.

He evoked several hoots and hollers. His powerful voice gave life and colour to his western infused music, prompting the crowd to clap along.

When Dreams by Design finally took to the stage, it was apparent many had been patiently waiting for them. They quickly changed the pace from love songs, country western and folk to quicker paced rock and metal.

Their stage presence was fully energetic as the singer jumped around, slid down to his knees, and played intense solos. Perhaps this band was having too much fun or was too loud because this didn’t

seem to sit well with some of the older generations who began filing out. This however did not seem to faze Dreams

by Design. One thing they can definitely brag about, they were the only group that provoked the audience to finally rise from their seats and rock out.

The variety show had something for everyone, and ended with an explosive bang.

Be the first to find the VAULT head on the cover & win a 2-for-1 coupon to River City Cinema!

Email us: thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com to tell us where it's hiding!

14 theVAULTmagazine

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

,

Happy Valentines Day!

You are so beautiful to me.

e, LovtheVAULTmagazine

GRIMSHAW | 780 . 332 . 2132 w w w. c a n t e c h e l e c t r i c . c o m

er t o w Ent hed g in A uita p ra r! tog

$5 u a

.

As soon as forever , is through, I ll be over you. theVAULTmagazine

Mike Clark Band January 28th

Happy Valentine’s Day! You are so beautiful to me.

Love,

Senior Citizen’s Drop In Centre

theVAULT magazine

Peace River 10301-101St Tickets at:

Village Audio Video Unlimited Danberger & Sons Store Ltd.

☆ Don`t forget to buy a Valentine! ☆ See page 5 for details.

CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

15

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT READING HAD BECOME BORING...

A NEW KIND OF READING RISES.

ON JANUARY 20, 2012

theVAULTmagazine MOVIE ISSUE

16 theVAULTmagazine

8

It’s FREE-dom

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

SOCIAL COMMENT What’s so radical about caring for the earth? paints everyone who opposes the Enbridge Northern Gateway pipeline project as Americanfunded traitors with a radical ideological agenda “to stop any major project no matter what the cost to Canadian families in lost jobs and economic growth.”

BY DAVID SUZUKI Science Matters Vol. 14, No. 3 17 January 2012

C

aring about the air, water, and land that give us life. Exploring ways to ensure Canada’s natural resources serve the national interest. Knowing that sacrificing our environment to a corporate-controlled economy is suicide. If those qualities make us radicals, as federal Natural Resources Minister Joe Oliver recently claimed in an open letter, then I and many others will wear the label proudly.

But is it radical to care for our country, our world, our children and grandchildren, our future? It seems more radical for a government to come out swinging in favour of an industrial project in advance of public hearings into that project. It seems especially radical when the government

energy, eliminate subsidies to the fossil fuel industry, and encourage Canadian companies to develop the resource.

Instead, we are called radicals for daring to even question the wisdom of selling entire tar sands operations to China’s It’s bad enough when our state-owned oil companies and government and its “ethical building a pipeline so that the oil” and media supporters repressive government of China, don’t tell the truth, but it’s rather than Canadians, can reap worse when they don’t even most of the benefits from the offer rational arguments. Their refining jobs, profits, and the increasing attacks on charitable resource itself. We are radical organizations and Canadians because we are concerned from all walks of life show that about the real dangers of oilif they can’t win with facts, filled supertankers moving they’ll do everything they can through narrow fiords with to silence their critics. And we unpredictable weather thought conservative-minded conditions and through some people valued free speech! of the last pristine ecosystems on Earth. We are condemned The proposed Northern by our own government Gateway and Keystone XL because we question the safety pipeline projects and the of two pipelines crossing more massive, mostly foreign- than 1,000 streams and rivers controlled expansion of the tar through priceless wilderness sands are not about finding – a reasonable concern, in the best way to serve Canada’s light of the more than 800 national interests. If we truly pipeline spills that Enbridge, wanted to create jobs, we would the company in charge of the refine the oil in Canada and Northern Gateway, has had use it to reduce our reliance on since 1999. imported oil, much of which comes from countries that And so here we are, a country government supporters say are with a government that boasts of “unethical”. If we really cared our “energy superpower” status about using resources for the but doesn’t even have a national national interest, we would energy plan. A country willing slow development in the tar to sacrifice its manufacturing sands, improve environmental industry, its opportunities in standards, increase royalties and the green-energy economy, its put some of the money away future, and the health of its or use it to switch to cleaner people for the sake of short-

term profits. A country hellbent on selling its industry and resources wholesale to any country that wants them, without regard for the ethics or activities of those countries.

Our government is supposed to represent the interests of all Canadians, and not just those who voted for it or the corporations that support it.

Instead we have a government that hurls insults at its citizens.

Canadians are better than that.

While an investment banker like Joe Oliver or a former oil industry economist like Stephen Harper may look at Canada and only see numbers, we see a country rich in natural resources, wildlife, clean water, a diverse population of

CRACK T H E VAULT

educated and caring people, and institutions that have been built up over the years to put the interests of Canadians first.

With recent or pending federal reviews into both environmental regulation and charitable giving, we can expect more attacks and more attempts to silence those who believe that we must at least have a discussion about our priorities before selling out our country to anyone who wants a piece.

Maybe it’s time to get radical!

Written with contributions from David Suzuki Foundation Editorial and Communications Specialist Ian Hanington.

Learn more at www.davidsuzuki.org.

theVAULTmagazine

17

theVAULTmagazine

STAFF PICKS

Favorite Directors

Tykwer

Susan Tom Tykwer Like most people, the first movie I saw by German director Tom Tykwer was the tale of a bright red-haired German girl named Lola who has 20 minutes to get 100,000 Deutschmarks and save her boyfriend’s life.

Spoiler alert: she fails. Or does she? Run, Lola, Run (Lola rennt in German) made Tykwer famous. His kickass heroine, the fantastic philosophical premise about how our choices might create alternate realities, and the underlying message about love had me and many others hooked.

Never has watching some chick run her ass off to techno music been so thought-provoking.

Tykwer followed Lola up with The Princess and the Warrior, another movie about love, but this one featuring a heavy dose of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The movie stars Lola’s Franka Potente as the sheltered Sissi, who lives and works in a mental hospital. Benno Fürmann is Sissi’s gorgeous but severely f*cked up love interest Bodo, who kicks off the romance by saving her life after she’s hit by a bus in an accident he also caused. After that he just wants Sissi to leave him alone, maybe because his last love blew up in a gas station, and he keeps hallucinating that she’s the wood stove; and also, he’s kind of planning a bank robbery. This one doesn’t make your heart beat as hard as Run, Lola, Run, but again, it speaks deeply about what love might be.

Last but nowhere near least, Tykwer also directed a movie that no less a director than Ridley Scott said was unfilmable.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

by Patrick Susskind was Kurt Cobain’s favourite novel, but

Chan-wook

Miyazaki

Tarantino

how do you film a story built on scents without smell-o-vision?

Tykwer did it. It’s incredible how watching this film you truly feel like you can smell everything from lavender in the fields to fresh green apples...to beautiful, murder-licious young girls. It’s a brilliant accomplishment.

him justice. It failed to capture the magic bestowed upon the viewer through the depth of his beautiful cinematography, witty dialogue, amazing musical scores and intense passion of his intriguing stories.

of passage, or random magical happenings. It’s the complete acceptance of the magical and fantastic world in Miyazaki’s films that has always been intriguing.

My Neighbour Totoro turns this idea up to eleven by having one of the most supportive fathers ever. The omnipresent themes of happiness, family, as well as the more controversial antiwar and anti-industry themes make Miyazaki one of the most versatile directors we have. And animation is badass.

One of this director’s philosophies is to create something which will invoke emotion and it is notable in every moment of his films. Like a painter creating a masterpiece, you know you are watching something indescribably incredible.

Nevermind Tykwer’s latest movie, The International, which pretty much sucked. Maybe that’s what happens when good directors try to make formulaic Hollywood movies for big bucks. I don’t care. Tykwer remains my favourite director. Although Park Chan-wook essentially made his name in the west with his beautifully brutal Go see for yourself. And vengeance series, his films have remember: the ball is round, spanned a large range of topics a game lasts 90 minutes, from politics, friendship, insanity, everything else is pure theory. vampirism, horror and love.

Park Chan-wook is also the first director to shoot a film using an Off we go!

Apple iPhone. All these reasons, and many more which could Mary never be properly formulated by Park Chan-wook words, are why Park Chan-wook is a director on the rise who When it comes to Park Chan- deserves every ounce of attention wook, I’m a madwoman he receives. Keep an eye out for attempting to grasp any piece his next project Stoker, which to of work this cinematic genius the relief of lazy movie buffs will has created. This in itself is an be in English. accomplishment because I do not pay much attention to directors, CJ or even actors for that matter.

Hayao Miyazaki

A large part of Park Chan-wook’s success at film making can be credited to his intricate plot lines, awe-inspiring cinematography and impeccable casting selection.

This South Korean director also writes and, more recently, produces of many of his films making these works of art a complete Park Chan-wook vision.

I first learned of Park Chanwook by reading a very short article about Oldboy in Rolling Stone. After finally watching several of his films the article, although praising, didn’t do

18 theVAULTmagazine

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

There’s something innately magical about animation. This is especially obvious in the works of Hayao Miyazaki, whose animation masterpieces have just generally kicked ass. I first saw Spirited Away when I was little, and it’s no doubt one of the reasons I got so into anime.

Miyazaki always ensnares us with quirky characters, illustrious landscapes, and intense plotdriven action. Not to mention, there’s usually no discernible antagonist, something I find highly engaging. Often, the trials the characters face are simply rites

Chris Quentin Tarantino It doesn’t matter what actors are in it, or how ridiculous the story line might potentially be, if Quentin Tarantino is attached to it, I will go to a theatre to watch it.

It’s not only the violent content of Tarantino’s movies that make him stand out as the director of my generation; it’s how he stays true to his influences. Whether it’s the gangsterism of Reservoir Dogs (1992) or Pulp Fiction (1994) or how the best of thousands of old kung-fu movies could be seen in the Kill Bills (2003-2004), Tarantino’s movies tend to take the best of his favorite genres and modernize them to a point where they’re not quite as cheesy as they used to be.

One of Tarantino’s most admirable traits is that he is not just a director – he also writes and even acts in most of his projects.

To this day I know people who have not seen Pulp Fiction.

Seriously? It’s a piece of art! Go watch it, then watch it again.

Tormaigh Martin Scorsese Martin Scorsese,69, is my choice for favorite director based on the sheer volume of films he has

Scorsese done that are top-notch classics.

He just won a Golden Globe for Best Director for Hugo (January 15, 2012).

Honestly, there are too many movies to mention in this space—49 titles since 1959 including 13 documentaries, eight shorts, and two future titles have already been announced. He even co-edited Woodstock (1970).

Scorsese’s had quite the movie career considering he nearly entered priesthood after joining seminary in 1956.

Early in his directing career Scorsese was perfecting his portrayal of misguided characters and organized crime with Mean Streets (1973). It was in this film that Scorsese first directed Robert De Niro. To date, this director/ actor relationship has shown up in eight films including other classics like Taxi Driver (1976), Good Fellas (1990), Casino (1995), and The Departed (2006).

It is said that Scorsese often shows scripts to De Niro before he takes them on to get De Niro’s input. Scorsese also frequently collaborates with Harvey Keitel, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Joe Pesci.

In addition, Scorsese has done great biopics like Raging Bull (1980) staring De Niro as the boxer Jake LaMotta, The Aviator (2004) staring DiCaprio as “million-dollar playboy” Howard Hughes, and has announced plans to direct Sinatra, which is rumored to star DiCaprio.

Other favorite directorial titles are the documentary, The Last Waltz (1978), Gangs of New York (2002), and No Direction Home (2005) staring Bob Dylan. I look forward to seeing the Rolling Stones documentary, Shine a Light (2008), George Harrison: Living in the Material World (2011), and Sinatra (release date still unknown).

theVAULTmagazine

RANTS & RAVES My rant is about daily *What Fluffs My Feathers* status updates and how people can subscribe to them and be notified every time you decide to express yourself.

It's one thing for people to log on and read about what's on your mind, but I find it to be a whole other level of stupid when someone can be automatically notified about your every little expressed opinion. I find it extremely intrusive and bordering on the edge of insanity!

It's like Facebook is saying "Hey stalkers! Here's a nifty little tool for ya" This application should at the least be governed by giving the “stalkie� if you will, being given the option of accepting or declining this madness. In any event.... My feathers have been fluffed.

Jordan B.

What pisses me off: The high cost of living in Peace River. What's left after rent and utilities are paid? You're lucky if you can get that done.

What I admire: All the hard working underpaid and overworked good people of Peace River.

What I hate: People who can't hold their booze. Booze makes people stupid, get too drunk, and cause fights.

What's fun about that? You lose your hardearned money and end up with a bad night and a hangover. Grow up.

Also, when the rookie cops need to make their quota for the month and find any excuse to ding you with a ticket. Find the real bad guys. I could go on and on.

What I love: The different cultures in Peace River and the beauty of the land.

Yvonne H.

Did something piss you off or make your day?

Email us your rant or rave to thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

CRAC K T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

19

SEX COLUMN I’m going through a rough patch with my boyfriend.

A guy friend that lives in another state said he would consider getting me a vibrator and sending it in the mail. Is it illegal or can it be done?

V

ibrators are regularly sent through the US mail. And while vibrators and other sex toys are legally advertised and sold in most US states, a few states have slightly more complicated laws related to talking about or selling vibrators and other sex toys.

Also, sometimes these laws change as they go through the court system. For this reason, many websites that sell sex toys indicate that it is the buyer’s responsibility to be aware of local laws that may affect their ability to

purchase or receive sex toys.

Again, however, vibrators and sex toys are very regularly sent in the US mail. Popular online sex boutiques include Early to Bed (early2bed. com), MyPleasure (mypleasure.com), Good Vibrations (goodvibes.com), and Babeland (babeland. com). Visit our Kinsey Confidential website to learn more details about these and other online sex boutiques and other places that people buy sex toys.

20 theVAULTmagazine

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

Vibrators can also be purchased in most states through adult bookstores and even, in some cases, local drug stores. Check the condom aisle in your local drug store to see if you spot any vibrating sexual enhancement products.

On another issue, while it is kind of your guy friend to offer to buy a vibrator for you, I wonder if you’ve thought about how that might affect your relationship with your boyfriend, particularly as you mentioned that you are going through a rough patch with your boyfriend. Some people might feel jealous or upset if their partner was receiving sex toys from a

friend. Not everyone would feel that way, but I wonder if you have considered whether your boyfriend might feel jealous or upset that your guy friend has offered to send a vibrator to you. Some people purposely try to provoke or upset their partner, such as by trying to make them feel jealous, and it might also be worth considering whether you are trying to do this, or to otherwise seek attention from your boyfriend, by asking someone else to get you a vibrator when it is likely something that you could do all on your own, without involving a friend.

Asking yourself why you are involving a friend in your vibrator purchase, rather

than getting one yourself, may be helpful to think about.

Finally, if you’d like to learn more about vibrators and other sex toys, such as how to shop for a vibrator, keep one clean, use it alone or with a partner, or talk with your partner about vibrator use, check out Because It Feels Good: A Woman’ s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Find our blog, sex information, podcasts and archived Q&A at www.

KinseyConfidential.org. Follow us on Twitter @KinseyCon

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

FOR THE WEEK OF JAN 19 - JAN 25

Oddities

by Rob Brezsny © Copyright 2012

HOMEWORK:

Imagine that one of your heroes comes to you and says, “Teach me the most important things you know.” What would you say? FreeWillAstrology.com.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Macy’s ad I saw in

the newspaper had a blaring headline: “Find Your Magic 2.0.” The items that were being touted to help us discover our upgraded and more deluxe sense of magic were luxurious diamond rings. The cheapest was $2,150. I’m going to try to steer you in another direction in your quest to get in touch with Magic 2.0, Aries. I do believe you are in an excellent position to do just that, but only if you take a decidedly non-materialistic approach. What does your intuition tell you about how to hook up with a higher, wilder version of the primal mojo?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The U.S. Constitution has

survived 222 years, longer than the constitution of any other nation on the planet. But one of America’s founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson, might have had a problem with that. He believed our constitution should be revised every 19 years. Personally, I share Jefferson’s view. And I would apply that same principle of regular reinvention to all of us as individuals -- although I think it should be far more frequently than every 19 years. How long has it been since you’ve amended or overhauled your own rules to live by, Taurus? Judging by the astrological omens, I suspect it’s high time.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “It is respectable to have

no illusions -- and safe -- and profitable and dull,” said author Joseph Conrad. Taking our cue from his liberating derision, I propose that we protest the dullness of having no illusions. Let’s decry the blah gray sterility that comes from entertaining no fantastic fantasies and unreasonable dreams. How boring it is to have such machine-like mental hygiene!

For this one week, Gemini, I urge you to celebrate your crazy ideas. Treasure and adore your wacky beliefs. Study all those irrational and insane urges running around your mind to see what you can learn about your deep, dark unconsciousness. (P.S.: But I’m not saying you should act on any of those phantasms, at least not now. Simply be amused by them.)

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you were a medieval

knight going into battle with a full suit of armor, the advantage you had from the metal’s protection was offset by the extra energy it took to haul around so much extra weight. In fact, historians say this is one reason that a modest force of English soldiers defeated a much larger French army at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. The Frenchmen’s armor was much bulkier, and by the time they slogged through muddy fields to reach their enemy, they were too tired to fight at peak intensity. The moral of the story, as far as you’re concerned: To win a great victory in the coming weeks, shed as many of your defense mechanisms and as much of your emotional baggage as possible.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): One way or another, you will be

more famous in the coming months than you’ve ever been before. That might mean you’ll become better known or more popular . . . or it could take a different turn. To tease out the nuances, let’s draw on Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem “Famous.” “The river is famous to the fish. // The loud voice is famous to silence, / which knew it would inherit the earth / before anybody said so. // The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds / watching him from the birdhouse. // The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek. // The idea you carry close to your bosom / is famous to your bosom.”

(Read the whole poem here: bit.ly/FamousToWhom.)

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Three famous actresses formed the British Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League last year. Rachel Wiesz, Kate Winslet, and Emma Thompson say they believe people should be happy with the physical appearance that nature gave them. Is it rude of me to note that unlike most of the rest of us, those three women were born gorgeous? It’s easy for them to promise not to mess with their looks. Do you ever do that, Virgo? Urge other people to do what’s natural for you but a challenge for them? I recommend

against that this week. For example: If you want to influence someone to change, be willing to change something about yourself that’s hard to change.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I predict major breakthroughs in your relationship to intimacy and togetherness in 2012, Libra -- if, that is, you keep in mind the following counsel from psychologist Dr. Neil Clark Warren: “Attraction and chemistry are easily mistaken for love, but they are far from the same thing. Being attracted to someone is immediate and largely subconscious. Staying deeply in love with someone happens gradually and requires conscious decisions, made over and over again.” (Read more by Warren here: tinyurl.com/WiseChoices.)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Purslane is a plant that’s

also known colloquially as pigweed. It’s hearty, prolific, and spreads fast. In a short time, it can grow out-of-control, covering a large area with a thick carpet. On the other hand, it’s a tasty salad green and has a long history of being used as a cooked vegetable.

As a medicinal herb, it’s also quite useful, being rich in omega-3 fatty acids as well as a number of vitamins and minerals. Moral of the story: Keep pigweed contained -- don’t let it grow out of control -- and it will be your friend. Does anything in your life fit that description?

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As he approaches his 70th birthday, retiree and Michigan resident Michael Nicholson is still hard at work adding to his education. He’s got 27 college degrees so far, including 12 master’s degrees and a doctorate. Although he’s not an “A” student, he loves learning for its own sake. I nominate him to be your role model for the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Your opportunities for absorbing new lessons will be at a peak. I hope you take full advantage of all the teachings that will be available.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The Bible addresses the subjects of money and possessions in about 2,000 verses, but devotes only 500 verses to prayer and 500 to faith. As you know, my advice in these horoscopes usually tends to have the opposite emphasis: I concentrate more on spiritual matters than materialistic concerns. But this time, in acknowledgment of the specific cosmic influences coming to bear on you, I’m going to be more like the Bible. Please proceed on the assumption that you have a mandate to think extra deeply and super creatively about money and possessions in the coming weeks. Feel free, too, to pray for financial guidance and meditate on increasing your cash flow.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here’s one of my favorite

quotes from American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you think.”

The current astrological omens suggest that this is an excellent message for you to heed. It’s crucial for you to know your own mind and speak your own thoughts. It’s smart to trust your own instincts and draw on your own hard-won epiphanies. For best results, don’t just be skeptical of the conventional wisdom; be cautious about giving too much credence to every source of sagacity and expertise. Try to define your own positions rather than relying on theories you’ve read about and opinions you’ve heard.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Why did Mark Gibbons

strap a washing machine to his back and then climb to the top of Mount Snowdown in Wales? He did it to raise charity money for the Kenyan Orphan Project.

If, in the coming weeks, you try anything as crazy as he did, Pisces, make sure it’s for an equally worthy cause. Don’t you dare take on a big challenge simply to make people feel sorry for you or to demonstrate what a first-class martyr you can be. On the other hand, I’m happy to say that you could stir up a lot of good mojo by wandering into previously off-limits zones as you push past the limitations people expect you to honor.

U

Compiled by Mary Warren

nlike most runaway youth, a 14-year-old girl who ran away from home was not returned home once she was found— instead she was deported to Colombia. The young runaway was caught by police for theft upon giving the alias of an illegal immigrant with a warrant. She was swiftly dispatched to Colombia with no money, passport or knowledge of Spanish.

The young woman was eventually found by her grandmother on Facebook, where she had also been using an alias. Fortunately, the teen did not end up on the streets but instead was working, cleaning a large house all day. The family is thoroughly relieved she has finally been found and returned home.

•

A

fter money had begun mysteriously disappearing, homeowners devised a plan to catch the culprit. Cash was placed out as bait and security cameras were set to record the thief in action.

What the video revealed must have come as a massive shock.

A woman dressed in a large men’s suit, beanie hat and fake mustache entered the home using a house key. She was quickly recognized as their neighbor whom they entrusted with a spare set of keys to look after their home when they went on vacation.

This mustachioed culprit now faces two counts of burglary and one count of theft, as well as a potential lifetime of neighbourly distrust.

•

A

Wisconsin man, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was recently arrested and charged with carrying a concealed knife, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation.

To address what is really important—where do you get a name like that? Definitely not ultra-hip parents. Jeffrey Drew Wilschke legally changed his name a few months prior to the arrest proving nearly everything is a go when it comes to your name.

•

A

Russian villager was surprised to learn he had accidentally purchased an entire arsenal of assault rifles. The man had been interested in the wooden crates which the rifles were found in, as he was looking for a cheap source of wood to keep his stove ignited through the winter.

Within the boxes the man found 79 guns as well as 253 cartridges.

Not only are the rifles fully functional but they were made around 1959-1960 and were on their way to a recycling plant. An investigation is set to be launched into the mysterious appearance of these weapons.

•

T

he world’s most expensive business cards cost $1,500 per card and are inlaid with diamonds and gold. Despite already being exclusive to the rich, they are made via invitation only. Several celebrities have attempted to obtain these overpriced cards but have been denied due to the company’s desire to offer these cards exclusively to only the most prestigious individuals. It would seem the land of the prosperous just became a little more pompous.

CHECK OUT OUR BLOG FOR NEXT WEEK’S HOROSCOPE

www.thevaultmagazine.tumblr.com CRACK T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

21

Jonesin’ Crossword

LAST ISSUE’S SOLUTIONS

Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

“180 Degrees”--time to pull a crossword uey.

SUDOKU Across 1 Hit the mall 5 Life stories 9 Rat out 13 Common soap opera plot device (as in, “When will they wake up?”)

14 Spine-chilling 15 Cuatro y cuatro 16 In the thick of 17 Boring tool 18 Amanda who came back to the U.S. in 2011 19 They often require you to have a receipt 22 “What else?”

23 “Just as I suspected!”

24 California’s home of the Trojans 27 City founded by the Pennsylvania Railroad 31 CD-___ 34 Billiards table material 36 CNN host Burnett 37 Witherspoon of “Water for Elephants” 39 In order, perhaps 42 Ball 43 Composer Stravinsky 44 How the apathetic feel 45 Bandage brand 46 Response to a knock at the door 49 Medical scan, for short 50 Happy ___ clam 51 Crowd : peaceful :: ___ : angry 53 1994 #1 hit for Ace of Base 61 Englishman 62 Porn star-turned-”legitimate” actress Lords 63 Way back when 64 24 Hours of Le ___ (auto race) 65 Goad 66 Airport stats 67 Like people with cooties 68 DJ Rick of “Disco Duck” fame 69 Not the highest person on the social ladder

Down 1 Cat scratch reminder 2 Away’s opposite 3 Bypass 4 “The Taming of the Shrew” setting 5 Bra size 6 “Aladdin” parrot 7 L.A. Dodgers great Hershiser 8 From Damascus, e.g.

9 Wireless company named after a Finnish town 10 Back spots 11 Sorority letters 12 “Friends” actress 14 He played Canteen Boy 20 Genetic messenger material 21 Spanish actress often seen on “The Love Boat” 24 Norwegian phrase heard in the Upper Midwest 25 Ice column on a glacier (RACES anagram) 26 Make a genetic copy 28 Three, to Trudeau 29 Start of a Danny Elfman band 30 Winning 31 Kingdom 32 Award Richard Burton never won 33 Actor Phifer 35 “Splatterday on Saturdays” station 38 Type of tide 40 Canadian with the hit “1234” 41 “Johnny ___” (children’s book set during the American Revolution) 47 Made lace 48 Postal creed word 50 Unable to sit still 52 Greeted the villain 53 Familiar Halloween character, for short 54 Sound from the pen 55 Need 56 “Blind” emotion 57 Some mil. members 58 Gay Talese’s “___ the Sons” 59 Raleigh’s st.

60 Classroom furniture 61 Fat measure, for short ©2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords

22 theVAULTmagazine

JANU ARY 20 , 20 12

To Play: Complete the grid so that every row, column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. There is no guessing or math involved, just use logic to solve.

Can you spot the 10 differences?

(Last Issue's Differences: Girl's Bellybutton, hole in shirt (zombie 1), bottom of girl’s shoe, crack in sidewalk, brains exposed, crack in skull (zombie 3), cracks in window, Girl’s ring, hand in blood, tongue (zombie 1)--Bonus: Girl’s Eyecolour)

.PUZZLES & HUMOUR

Unicorn and Mermaid created by Randee Neumeyer and Shannon Brown.

Obscure Wizardry

By Jason Hewitt

Look for Issue 9 on Feb. 3, 2012

CRACK T H E VAULT

theVAULTmagazine

23