theVAULTmagazine ~ Issue 54

theVAULTmagazine

The Last Issue ?

Your guide to Christmas in the Peace Pull Out Inside!

ISSUE 54 â™ December 20, 2013

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theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

theVAULTmagazine Publisher/Owner: Jenelle Lizotte, Tormaigh Van Slyke Editor: Jenelle Lizotte, Tormaigh Van Slyke Logo Design: Michael Boone Layout: Jenelle Lizotte, Tormaigh Van Slyke Distribution: DVS, T&J Website Design: Sush Wong & Doug Hurst, Wild Card Technology Solutions Ad Design: Aimie Williams Ad Sales: Tormaigh Van Slyke Photography: Jenelle Lizotte, Tormaigh Van Slyke Contributors: Seth O'Morrow, Drew Rogers, Mary Warren Comics: CJ Lyons, Fairview; Terry Cameron, Bluesky; Nikki Love, Peace River; Randee Neumeyer, Vancouver

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Issue 54 | December 20, 2013

The Columns Local The Last Issue?

Guide to Christmas in the Peace Calendar

780-624-1985 thepit@thevaultmag.com theVAULTmagazine is available free of charge at over 150 locations in the greater Peace Region every other Friday. We publish 5,000 copies each issue (bi-weekly). We are funded solely through the support of our advertisers, so please support them. theVAULTmagazine is published biweekly by Plato’s Cave Publishing. No content herein can be reproduced without written consent of the publisher.

We accept contributions provided they are the property of the contributor and are offered exclusively to theVAULTmagazine. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the return or safety of contributed materials and therefore will not be held responsible. All opinions or statements expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher or staff. The reader must understand that all information presented in this publication is from various sources, therefore theVAULTmagazine cannot be held responsible for any accuracy, completeness or legalities. Please recycle this fine magazine when you are done with it. We ask that each reader take only one copy, unless you're grabbing one for your friend. That is all.

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Flash Fiction Contest Winner Reviews Kinsey/Free Will Astrology Comics & Puzzles

Thanks for Reading!

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We would like to take this opportunity to thank our readers, advertisers and contributors for all of your support.

Thanks for being a part of our dream.

We'll never forget it.

Tormaigh and Jenelle

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theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

the columns

One a Day Keeps Nothing Away their necessity.

James Lind was an 18th century Scottish physician tasked with finding a cure for scurvy, a greater threat to the Royal Navy than enemy arms. Instead of relying on anecdotes as his colleagues did, he conducted the first known clinical trial. Citrus fruit was so obviously effective that the supply of lemon juice was made mandatory on all British ships.

It took 100 years to discover that vitamin C in citrus fruits is what cures scurvy, but Lind’s rational approach nonetheless identified the best treatment and saved lives.

BY Tony Nickonchuk

V

itamin use is ubiquitous in Canada. Approximately 50 per cent of women and 35 per cent of men take a daily vitamin or mineral supplement. They are so commonly used that few question

Contrast this with the approach taken

by Linus Pauling and his countless followers.

Pauling was an American scientist who won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry and the Nobel Peace Prize. Then he met Irwin Stone.

Stone convinced Pauling, just by

saying so, that if he took 3000 mg of vitamin C daily, he would live a long life. Pauling was so excited about vitamin C he increased his daily dose to 200 times the daily limit and published a book about it. Shortly after, 50 million Americans were following along.

He eventually promoted other vitamins to prevent and treat every disease known to modern medicine, including cancer. His pronouncements became so outrageous that he lost his scientific credibility.

The public didn’t notice and the use of vitamin supplements grew unabated.

Pauling based his treatment on anecdote, Lind based his on evidence.

Who was right?

Vitamin C is useless in treating colds. It may slightly reduce the duration of colds if used daily, but not the number of colds.

As for multivitamins, there is no currently available evidence that daily use in the general population has any impact on reducing cancer, cardiovascular disease or mortality.

Beta-carotene, selenium, and vitamins A, C and E warrant special mention. Not only do they have no impact in preventing disease but there is reasonable evidence that betacarotene and vitamin E may actually increase risk of death.

“There is no scientific basis for recommending vitamin-mineral supplements to the healthy population.”

- Dr. Benjamin Caballero, MD.

Tony Nickonchuk is pharmacy manager at Walmart Pharmacy in Peace River. A Pharmacist for 7 years, he is also a Certified Diabetes Educator, certified injection pharmacist, and has his additional prescribing authorization. He lives with his wife and three kids in Peace River.

you’re not the writer you think you are

By Mary Warren

E

veryone can write. It’s what we learned to do in grade school. We write to our friends every day via online messaging, and text, and some of us even write stories as a pastime. This has afforded us a great sense of confidence in writing.

After all, isn’t it easy?

The plight of the aspiring author tends to be a sense of arrogance and an inflated ego. I myself have been guilty of thinking I was better than I truly was from years of teachers telling me I was an excellent writer of fiction. There’s nothing wrong with the support teachers and family give us when we write something exceptional as a student, but it’s when we forget to take it at face value that we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Best-selling author Stephen King wasn’t always the writer we consider him to be today. It was years before he stopped getting rejection letters for his work and it took many more years before he was even able to publish a book. However, he did it because that’s what he ultimately wanted to do. In

the end all those letters of rejection helped teach him how to be a better writer.

Personally, when I began writing for theVAULTmagazine, I was a sub-par writer by industry standards. Granted, I hadn’t received secondary education in writing, but having often written better than my peers in high school I assumed I was good enough. Today I know, nearly everything you learn in high school is wrong when it comes to being an actual writer. Just because you can form a sentence with a lot of fancy adjectives, doesn’t mean you have the skills to be a professional writer. Even I refrain from calling myself a writer, as I’ve been humbled into realizing I have miles to go.

However don’t be discouraged, if it’s in you to be a writer you will hone your craft in time and all those rejection letters will begin turning into acknowledgements of achievement. Although writing may come easier to some, no one is born a writer. Like everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

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Local

Peace Region

Live

Burn the Blues Away Celebration Riverfront Park Peace River Dec. 21 from 4-7pm

NYE Dance with Quentin Reddy

Ouch!

Triangle Hall High Prairie Dec. 31 from 9pm -1:30am $30 (under 16 free!)

Ryan Stock, and his Lady love AmberLynn, demonstrate Stock’s Signature move, The HUman MeatHead, at the Minor Hockey League’s Fundraiser at Rivers on December 13th.

Blue Rodeo

Encana Events Centre Dawson Creek Jan. 14 $49, $59 & $69 + fees tigerboxofficeplus.ca hey local bands!

Got an upcoming gig? Send us the details at thepit@thevaultmag.com and we’ll try to fit it into our Peace Region: Live section.

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This Holiday Season

PLease don’t drink and drive!

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

Local photography by Teresa Bell & Sharon Krushel

A dickens of a twist Submitted by Sharon Krushel For three years the Cathedral Arts Council produced a musically-enhanced reading of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol to raise money for local charities (Charles Dickens himself used to give public readings of the story for the same purpose).

This year, playwright and director, Julian Packer, added a bit of a twist, weaving a Dickens story into a Dickens story...

It is one year since Scrooge encountered the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. He surprises everyone by coming to a Christmas party at Mrs. Fezziwig’s house bearing a gift--a new book

by Charles Dickens called Oliver Twist, complete with scripts and music.

All of the guests at the Fezziwig party

played numerous roles, but here are a few: Mike Arnold played the reformed Mr. Scrooge, Iain Luke (priest at St. James Cathedral) was the ringleader Fagin, Blair Ranns played the nasty Bill Sykes, Donna Myles was Nancy, her daughter, Emma played Oliver, and Sharon Krushel was Bet (Nancy’s sidekick). Ryan Bell played the Artful Dodger, Meredith and Izzy Shewchuk were Fagin’s boys, and Sue Packer was Mrs. Bedwin. Alice Olson played a magazine seller, etc., Cara Corcoran was Mrs. Fezziwig and Old Sal, her daughter Cady Corcoran was one of Fagin’s boys, Evan Johnson played the kind Mr. Brownlow, and Barry Craigen was Mr. Bumble. Joan Blench literally played Mabel (pianist and music director), and Terry Leer, the new Anglican Archdeacon who just moved to Peace River, played flute before the performances and during

the carols at the end. Irene Goddard took care of front of house, Sarah Craigen projected lyrics for audience sing along, and Priscilla Cameron looked after advertising. Thanks to Dave Cameron and Craig Melin for lights and the removable stage, and Glen Olson for work on the set. Mrs. Milligan’s famous Christmas cake and other refreshments were served along with mulled wine, thanks to Sue Bowling, Kathy Budd and friends! Tickets were sold at Style Ryte Cleaners--thanks to Jill Cairns, who helps with many cultural events in this way. Teresa Bell helped with costumes and photography.

Musical numbers included “Oliver,” “Consider Yourself,” “Who Will Buy?,” “Where Is Love?,” “You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two,” and “Oom Pah Pah.” Dickens of a Twist causes one to ponder...

If Scrooge changed, can Fagin? Can we?

Fagin’s last song leaves us “Reviewing the Situation.”

There were two performances of Dickens of a Twist under the newly-restored roof at St. James Cathedral December 13 and 14, which raised approximately $2000 to be given to our local Salvation Army Food Bank, the Peace River Regional Women’s Shelter, and the Peace River Community Soup Kitchen.

If you missed it, well, who knows, maybe by some miracle of grace the play will happen again next December, and a twist of fate will make it possible for you to come see it! Merry Christmas and God bless us everyone!

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the last issue?

Letter to Myself Before I

Dear Jenelle, Y

ou have no idea what you are getting yourself into.

The next few years of your life are going to be wild and bumpy ride. Before you start, do me a couple of favours.

First, shake those dollar signs from your eyes. The life of

an entrepreneur isn’t a flashy, glamourous one—especially in the start-up, publishing world. You’re going to have to go without international vacations and cable TV. You’ll have macaroni dinners sometimes. Don’t fret, kid. It builds character.

Secondly, be prepared to do things you don’t like. From dealing with cranky clients to firing your friends, you might as well develop that thick skin now because there isn’t any room for whining around here. You’re going to be the bitch sometimes and that’s okay. You’re lucky though, because you have a wildly supportive partner—don’t take him for granted. Use each other. You’re a dream team.

Thirdly, dig deep and whip out the humility. You can’t do everything yourself and, despite what you may believe, you don’t know everything— not even I do and I’m you from the future. Trust me on this one, you’re going to have to ask people for help and admit that you can’t do it all. It’s okay. You’ll become a better person for it.

After it’s all said and done, sure there are things I would’ve done differently, but you can’t dwell on the past. Knowledge plus experience builds

wisdom. You’re on a learning journey and you’re building a career for yourself.

You’ve done things in the past couple of years that you’d never dreamed you’d do. You wouldn’t even recognize me.

I’m like a real adult and shit. I am so proud of the things I’ve accomplished. I have published two separate publications, organized a few small concerts and an awards gala—all out of my house. I have won a small business award, had speaking engagements in front of hundreds of people (take that, stage fright) and gained the respect of many people whom I admire deeply.

Right now, I’m sitting in my freshly painted office. I have 53 issues of theVAULTmagazine under my belt (54 if you count this one), two issues of Move Up and some really promising projects on the way. I’ve learned a tremendous amount, got to work with amazingly talented people and feel incredibly humbled to feel as embraced by the community as I do.

S u s p e n d i n g theVAULTmagazine is something that I—that we, as a team—do not do lightly. We have driven this business as far as we can take her right now.

It really comes down to dollars

and sense. The farther we spread ourselves out the more our work suffers as a result— and the debt we acquire is personal. We have to draw the line somewhere.

On the bright side, while on this journey, you will find aspects of it that you enjoy more than others.

Unsurprisingly, you enjoy the creative stuff—the graphic design, the publication layout, the marketing. Surprisingly, you prefer editing to writing and you actually enjoy the admin and clerical duties. You love sharing your favourite recipes. You enjoy writing the word search. You hate compiling the community calendar, but it’s something you love to hate. You look forward to putting special personal touches in every issue. theVAULTmagazine has been my baby for the last three years.

I have watched it grow, almost die a few times and fought for its life. It is something that is deeply a part of who I am. It is heartbreaking to watch it end this way. It feels like defeat. It feels like failure. It hurts like death.

story doesn’t end here. I still want to have an international career. I still want to move to New Zealand. I still want to pursue film school. I still want to be a successful businesswoman. I will do these things. I will become this person.

This journey is essential to this growth. Always remember this. When you want to pull your hair out. When you’re sick and tired (literally) of pulling all nighters every two weeks. When you try everything you can think of to make it work—to make your business successful. Just know, that these tribulations and this hard work aren’t for nothing.

The fine people in the Peace Region appreciate your efforts.

You are doing this for the right reasons.

Keep fighting the good fight, Kiddo. You’re strong. You’ll figure it out.

But every story has an end, even happy ones.

On the upside, my (and your)

Jenelle Martina Lizotte 8

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

the last issue?

Started theVAULTmagazine Dear “Tormaigh December 17, 2010,” This is “Tormaigh December 18, 2013”

H

ey, this is your future self and I really need you to focus on what I’m going to say. This letter could alter the course of your life and ultimately the course of history, but don’t worry I checked into it and no butterflies die or anything, so it’s totally cool for us to do this.

Alright, you just arrived in Peace River last night. During the drive you and Jenelle hatched a plan to start an alternative newspaper in Peace River. I know this because you know this.

First words of advice, find a different word. You think it’s cool, and it is cool, but many business owners and some readers here are turned off by the word alternative. You will spend your first year trying to get the word out there and the second year trying to reposition the brand, calling it the “edgy” newspaper instead, which is a poor substitute for “alternative.” I ended up just calling it cool. Maybe you’ll have a better idea. Get back to me on that one.

In the next couple days you will start referring to it as “a revolution.” People will say, “What are you doing back home?” And you will coyly reply, “I’m going to start a revolution, baby.” You’ll then go on to explain all the reasons how an Alternative Weekly will save our fair region from the boredom, apathy and isolation we’ve all experienced

our whole lives. That was good. Do that again.

Congratulations, you did start a revolution and it kicked a lot of ass. You know in your heart that you are proud of what you accomplished, and it didn’t come easy.

Don’t kill the messenger here (which is me, your future self ) but around the two year mark your brainchild, theVAULTmagazine, still will not be a money maker and you will have to suspend production. The good news, you were right about the other two things; it will be a character and a career builder.

No, it won’t kill you. It will make you stronger.

Also, you should know it will take more than ten months of full-time trying to find grant money and eventually, reluctantly moving on to the idea of getting a loan instead.

Think you can do better than ten months? Just try it bud— you have no experience, no collateral, no savings, no real credit and so no bank will consider your application. It’s utterly remarkable you pulled it off. Great job!

I know all this risk won’t sway your decision because it didn’t sway mine. I know you will learn from this. The first two issues will teach you humility. You will love them and they will be what you promised yourself and the region. However, you will find that the bulk of your potential

readership and your potential advertisers already have their minds made up about nearly everything they have little-tono experience with. You will start to reach them eventually.

Ask yourself, “What will make them care?” and don’t forget why they should care.

A handful of advertisers and readers sided with theVAULTmagazine early on, but it was a tiny fraction of what you would have expected. It was slow going at first, but nonetheless, these people helped start something special that thousands upon thousands of others all over the region got to enjoy in a very real and impactful way.

Keeping all the gears turning is tiring. It’s manageable on its own, but it will become stressful too. Things break daily as a general rule and there is no manual to lead the way—you need to make one as you go but there are no guarantees your manual is at all correct. The goal is a well oiled machine. The whole thing is an incredibly delicate balance. Don’t understate the importance of this.

This is where I should ask you, because I know you didn’t really put too much thought into this, did you think you would get an office space? No, this all happens from your house because you can’t afford an office space. Meanwhile, don’t forget to juggle your personal life, most importantly your relationship, into all this.

It will be crazy and often not in a good way.

Don’t worry, you are mentally prepared for all this. You will get an inkling of what is to come when you sign on the dotted line. You will get through the initial bumps. You will assemble a team—writers, ad designers, a bookkeeper, a distribution person, and for a short while an ad sales person or two. By the end, you will have some office space to use and a reputation for honesty, loyalty and quality.

Over 54 issues you will work tirelessly building your media empire. People will say to you, “You’re really doing well. I can see it.” Even though it might not feel like it, they’re right.

Along the way, you will find yourself inconsolable at times and truly truly scared. But, that’s okay. It’s all a part of the package, and it doesn’t end there. You will make friends, fire friends, get excited for the future, be royally let down, work too hard, play too hard, earn readers, lose advertisers, make someone smile, piss someone off, interview some of your heroes, be someone’s hero, and most importantly learn, grow, and get better and better.

Here is the main message: theVAULTmagazine, from the beginning, will have an appetite that the Peace Region isn’t entirely ready for. Always too big for its britches, if theVAULTmagazine is to re-

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emerge, it will need to acquire some bigger britches (money and resources). Please tell us if you are interested in helping with this.

It may not seem like it at certain points along the way, but you are doing what you set out to do. You helped to unite and elevate our region.

A sense of civic and regional pride now exists in a way that wasn’t tangible before. It’s time to take it all to the next level.

Onward and upward.

theVAULTmagazine 9

Artist Profile

Aimie Williams Artist Profile

by tormaigh van slyke

S

ure, now Aimie Williams resides in Morinville, AB, with her husband and two daughters, but she grew up 100 per cent Peace River-style. She worked at Boston Pizza, she used to clean McGrath School in the summer and she babysat pretty much every kid in Lower West Peace back in her day.

You know Williams artistically from nearly every advertisement that has appeared in theVAULTmagazine and Move Up magazine. In addition, she has done mega amounts of design work for theVAULT Publishing and Design, such as the Hell’s Belle calendars, the (upcoming) Pow Wow calendars and PeaceFest 2013.

Even before we snagged up her amazing talents Williams has worked on an impressive

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roster of big names, including the Edmonton Eskimos, Pepsi, Travel Alberta and the Edmonton Oilers, to name a few.

students to brainstorm ideas), the Andrew Education Centre and North Country Fair’s T-shirts, posters, and bumper stickers.

Before that, Williams attended Peace High in the mid ‘90s.

Perhaps you remember her giant, floor-to-ceiling Nomads mural she painted on the gymnasium wall. Or, maybe you remember the painting of Adolf Hilter on the wall of Mr. Goruk’s social studies class. That was hers—Williams was commissioned to paint a communist leader for him. As a high school student, Williams also volunteered creating set designs for Peace Players’ The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

With theVAULTmagazine going on hiatus, you may be wondering what visual contributions Williams might be making in our fair region.

The answer is, possibly more than ever. During the indefinite hiatus, Plato’s Cave Publishing, which is the parent company to theVAULTmagazine, will transition into theVAULT Publishing and Design, which will allow Williams more availability to design for materials other than just magazines.

In years since, Williams has designed logos for the Peace Regional Outreach Campus (where she collaborated with

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

Naturally, we had the chance to talk to Williams about her craft, her journey, and her future plans.

Let’s start by talking about

the future. How does your design experience translate from Plato’s Cave Publishing (theVAULTmagazine) to your future role with theVAULT Publishing and Design?

Working in the realm of Plato’s Cave Publishing has definitely broadened my portfolio. We’ve done two years and some of theVAULTmagazine. In one magazine I could do ten different designs, which means ten different brands and ten completely different feels to each ad.

It depends who our clients will be, but I’m hoping as we move on, I can do more magazine advertisements, more promotional materials and more branding for companies and organizations in the Peace Region.

There is no limit of what we could do—from brochures

to letterheads to menus to anything really. There’s not just one element either. We can start with the logo right up to the billboard. I’ve done all those different types of work too. Working in Edmonton, I’ve done designs for clients as big as the Edmonton Eskimos, Pepsi, Travel Alberta and the Edmonton Oilers. So, it’s just going to grow.

I want to go back to what was probably your first design job ever. Tell me about the logo you did for the Sexsmith Bar (The Alamo) when you were a kid.

Oh my gosh, that was so long ago it seems like a dream.

Maybe it is. I should ask my mom. I guess my parents just knew the guy that owned the Alamo and he needed a design for probably the Yellow Pages or something. It was just this

artist profile little business-card-sized ad and I just re-drew their logo. I must have been seven or eight years old. I think it was a guy in a poncho wearing sombraro.

So, would you say you’re from Peace River?

I was born in Grande Prairie and lived in Sexsmith until grade four when we moved to Peace River. I would say I grew up in Peace River.

Why did you and your family move?

My parents started their own business there, called Rainbow Vacuum Cleaners.

So you were in grade four.

Had you taken any art lessons by that time?

I never did lessons. In grade three I would stay after school and my teacher would show me some drawing techniques, but I never did take any formal outside classes.

I was really into drawing by that time though. I always drew. It was something that I just did all the time. I always knew that I wanted to be an artist first before anything.

Did you paint as a small kid or use mediums other than pencil/pen and paper?

No, I probably ventured into that more in high school because the materials were there to play around with, so I did a little bit of sculpture and painting and then once I went into college we worked with more mediums. But, really, I always drew. That was the thing I loved.

Where did you go to college?

I took my first year in Grande Prairie and I took Bachelor of Fine Arts.

Just the one year of college?

Yes, and then I moved to Edmonton and that’s when I took Visual Communications Design, majoring in Design and Illustration.

When did you start using a computer to create art?

When I was going to high school in Peace River there was none of that. I took design and illustration because I knew how to draw. I didn’t have an email address. I didn’t even know how to turn a computer on.

In university during my first semester of design there was an “Introduction to Macintosh” course and I was like, “What the hell is a Macintosh?”

In grade seven I used a computer to learn how to type. It was a “How many words per minute can you type?” on a little 9” x 9” green screen with green letters. Then all of a sudden I was going to Grant MacEwan and they were like, “Here you are. You have to know this.” It was a three hour class. I would leave there so frustrated. And, now it’s my job.

Did you work while you were going to school?

I just worked at different coffee shops. It wasn’t until after I graduated from university in 2001 that I started my first real job in the design world, which was a print company that did Auto Trader.

When did you first know you would pursue graphic design?

We would have design classes where you would hand-draw something. Everything was hand drawn—from black ink pen to pastels to gouache to charcoal.

You would have to do tedious poster-sized creations all in black pen and that was going to be a fictitious corporate identity. And, doing one after the other after another after another, I was like “Oh my gosh. This is exactly what I’ve done all my life. This is exactly what I love to do. This is my calling. This is my style.” It was like black and white, free flow drawing, simple, clean, graphic images.

It has been my style since forever and it just totally clicked. It was my first year

in design and I knew what I was supposed to do. Fine Art gave me the edge I needed to understand different mediums and explore my talents handson. But I never had this blast of creativity that I needed to get onto a canvas. Design allows me to create express the thoughts and ideas of others.

It just seemed like it all clicked.

Fine Arts was amazing and a great experience, but first of all it didn’t make money and second of all it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to see my work in magazines. I wanted to see it on a poster. I wanted to see it out there in the world.

What was your job description at Auto Trader?

It was doing layout for the magazine, which consisted almost entirely of ads. It was very redundant. It was all pricing and basic vehicle information, so it was very boring.

I had just gotten out of university and there were very few opportunities to do creative ad design. You were just given an image and the text and it all looked the same. It was page after page of little boxes with little vehicles in them. It was not very creative.

How many other designers worked there?

I think there were four of us. I ended up leaving and working at Print Works, my first real design job where I actually had creative freedom and I was the Art Room Supervisor/Manager.

I had more of an opportunity to be creative and they were open to my ideas.

Tell me about transitioning into a place where you could creatively grow and flourish.

What was the significance of that transition and what were the biggest hurdles?

It was nice because you were respected for your talents and they could trust to give you a project and you could follow through with it. But, in the

same breath, the client always rules, which we know. So even though I sat there shaking my head from time to time thinking, “What is this person, the client, doing?” It’s what they wanted. So that would be the biggest hurdle.

You want to explain, “Let me do the job. I know what to do” and they see it another way.

From their point of view, it’s “This is what I want; make it work,” and you try to tell them “You can’t.” There are some design ideas that might make sense, but if you know your materials and your equipment, they can just be impossible, or unwise, to create.

A lot of problem solving goes into it. You want to make your client happy as well as keep your workers, on the floor trying to print your job, happy, and ultimately you want to keep yourself happy and know the work is good.

In a situation like we are in now I know you can trust me to do the work and you will know how it will come out on the other end because I’ve had those experiences.

Working with us, what’s the process from your point of view?

Well, usually you know the client in some way. You have a feel for what they like, what the public likes or what kind of business or event it is. From there, you get a feel of how you’re going to go about it design-wise.

There is always a brand there or a way to tell the story. Sometimes it’s hunting for a great image or maybe you already have one to work with. Then, it’s figuring out the wording, which may or may not be provided, and the font and colours you will use to make the advertisement achieve the look or feel you were aiming for. Hopefully you can put it all together and nail it the first time around and there won’t be many proofs back and forth.

In the end, you need to make

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it as simple and as readable as possible, so someone will glance at it and know exactly what it is without having to read too deeply because people don’t have time to sit there and search through the information to find the point of the ad.

Simplicity is the goal.

You grew up here and during that time you made your mark here artistically.

Then a number of years go by and your now your mark is here again—with theVAULTmagazine, with Move Up magazine, with the posters, the logos and other work you have done here.

What is that like?

It’s interesting to have that recognition from people who knew me from school and high school. For them to see me come full circle and come back and beautify the Peace Region.

You grew up in the Peace Region, and I know you come back to visit because your parents and your brother are here, but what does the Peace Region mean to you as an adult?

It’s the place I can go and take a deep breath and just know that I’m home. The valley is so beautiful. Growing up in Lower West Peace we used to play in the river and the hills.

All my family is there. My mom grew up there. There’s a lot of history and fond memories— of course Ricro and all of our different haunts and our party places. I fell in love with my husband there. We were high school sweethearts. And, now to bring our kids there and visit with them, it’s very cool to come full circle.

My mom probably feels the same way. She was originally from Peace River and she brought us back when they moved there. We went to the same school she went to and hung out in some of the same places she did. There is no other place, and I’ve lived in the city since I was 17, but there’s nothing like being in Peace River, at all. I love it.

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Merry Christmas

Alexis Damon Emma

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theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

Anika

JOrdan Love Grandma

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r u o Y t r o p Sup y t i n u m m o C

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theVAULTmagazine 15

r u o Y t r o p p Su y t i n u m m o C Wayne, Margaret, Cole and the Staff

Thank the community for their continued support.

s a m t s i r h Mer r y C and a ew Year N y p p a H

16

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

Upcoming Events add your event to the Community Calendar. It's Free! email the details to Events@thevaultmag.com

Friday

December 20 1

THE STAGE NORTH THEATRE PRESENTS “EVERY CHRISTMAS STORY EVER TOLD (AND THEM SOME)” - North Peace Cultural Centre ~ Fort St. John 7:30pm - For more info call 250-785-1992.

Sunday

December 22 P

♪

Saturday

December 21 P

P P

P

1

MARIONETTE MAGIC (Youth) - Peace River Library - Event presented by puppeteers from Panadream Theatre. Family Puppet Show at Noon. Marionette Workshop from 1-3:30pm.

Movie Mirror Mirror (PG) at 3pm.

4th ANNUAL CRANK UP THE HEAT CO-ED ADULT VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT (Sports) - Glenmary School 9am.

CHRISTMAS COMEDY NIGHT (Comedy) - Sharks - Doors at 6pm. Comedians start at 9pm. with Yuk Yuk’s comedians Lori Ferguson-Ford, Scott Dumas and James Moore. Tell us how you were naughty or nice and enter to win Oilers Tickets. $20/adv or $25/door.

WINTER SOLSTICE BURN THE BLUES AWAY CELEBRATION (Music) - Riverfront Park 4-7pm - Hot dogs, Apple cider and music! Food by donation ~ proceeds to go to the PR Women’s Shelter. Presented by the Peace River Museum and the underground Music Society. For more info call 780-624-4261.

THE STAGE NORTH THEATRE PRESENTS “EVERY CHRISTMAS STORY EVER TOLD (AND THEM SOME)” - North Peace Cultural Centre ~ Fort St. John 7:30pm - For more info call 250-785-1992.

Friday

4th ANNUAL CRANK UP THE HEAT CO-ED ADULT VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT (Sports) - Glenmary School 9am.

BROWNVALE COMMUNITY CLUB ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CONCERT AND POTLUCK (Community) - Brownvale Rec Centre 5pm.

H

FREE SKATE (Community) - Hines Creek Arena 4pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

H

FREE SHINNY HOCKEY (Sports) - Hines Creek Arena 5pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

Saturday

December 28 P

UFC 168: WEIDMAN VS. SILVA 2 (Sports) - Rivers Bar & Grill - $10. Free buffet with entry.

G FREE FAMILY SKATE (Family) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex

CHRISTMAS EVE

2-3:30pm - For more info call 780-332-4005.

Wednesday

Decemeber 25

H

FREE SKATE (Community) - Hines Creek Arena 4pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

H

FREE SHINNY HOCKEY (Sports) - Hines Creek Arena 5pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

CHRISTMAS DAY

Thursday

Monday

December 26 P

UPSIDE DOWN CLUB (Youth) - North Peace Gymnastics Club 8-6pm - All day Christmas Camp. $45. To pre-register call 780-624-5087.

December 29

December 24

1

P

Sunday

Tuesday 1

December 27

December 30

BOXING DAY BASH (Community) - Rivers Bar & Grill - Win a trip to Las Vegas! For more info visit facebook.com/RiversBarPeaceRiver

P

UPSIDE DOWN CLUB (Youth) - North Peace Gymnastics Club 8-6pm - All day Christmas Camp. $45. To pre-register call 780-624-5087.

In a revolution, as in a novel, the most difficult part to invent is the end.

Alexis de Tocqueville www.thevaultmag.com

theVAULTmagazine 17

B

Berwyn/Brownvale

High Prairie H

C

Cadotte Lake

Hines Creek H

D

DIXONVILLE

F

Falher

F

Fairview

G

Girouxville

Peace River P

G

Grimshaw

St. Isidore S

Nampa N Manning M McLennan M

Upcoming Events activities, sleigh rides, skating, snowshoeing, fireworks (10pm).

Admission=food bank donation.

Tuesday

December 31 P

P

P

H

1

18

NEW YEARS EVE AT RIVERS BAR & GRILL (NYE) - Rivers Bar & Grill - For more info visit ‑ Facebook.com/RiversBarPeaceRiver A NIGHT AT THE ROCK & BOWL (NYE) - Rock and Bowl 8pm - A fundraiser for the Gymnastics Club. $200 per team of 4. Fee includes bowling, billiards, games and midnight lunch.

50/50 Draw and raffles. To register call 780-624-5087.

UPSIDE DOWN CLUB (Youth) - North Peace Gymnastics Club 8-6pm - All day Christmas Camp. $45. To pre-register call 780-624-5087.

NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY WITH QUENTIN REDDY (NYE) - Triangle Hall 9-1:30am - Hot midnight lunch. Door Prizes. $30 - under 16 free. Get your tickets at Petro Canada, UFA, true Value and High Prairie Liquor Store. For more info call 780-523-2651 or 780-523-2362.

FIRST FOOTINGS CELEBRATION (NYE) - Muskoseepi Park 6:30-10pm - Hot chocolate, entertainment, kid’s

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

continued

H

P

HINES CREEK GOLF COURSE NEW YEAR’S EVE DANCE (NYE) - Dave Shaw Memorial Complex - Call Tammy for tickets 780-494-3526.

NYE @ THE BELLE (NYE) - Belle Centre - Marshall Dane, Honey Cowboy, 82, and Richard Woodman. Before Dec 25 ~ $50, after December 25 ~ $65.

Wednesday

January 1 F JANET ENFIELD & FRIENDS SHOW & SALE (Art) - Fariview Fine

Arts Centre - The Show & Sale runs from Jan 1 - 31. Tues - Sat from 12-5pm. For more info call 780-836-2697.

thursday

January 2 P

UPSIDE DOWN CLUB (Youth) - North Peace Gymnastics Club

8-6pm - All day Christmas Camp. $45. To pre-register call 780-624-5087.

Friday

January 3 P

UPSIDE DOWN CLUB (Youth) - North Peace Gymnastics Club 8-6pm - All day Christmas Camp. $45. To pre-register call 780-624-5087.

Sunday

January 5 G FREE FAMILY SKATE (Family) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex

2-3:30pm - For more info call 780-332-4005.

H

FREE SKATE (Community) - Hines Creek Arena 4pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

H

FREE SHINNY HOCKEY (Sports) - Hines Creek Arena 5pm. hinescreek@gmail.com

tHE rEGULARS Mondays P PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St.

James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. Call 780-618-8726.

DROP IN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Zen Spa - Tea P ceremony at 5:30pm. Meditation starts at 5:45pm.

Meditation is timed for 45 minutes. No experience necessary. Loonie Donation. Every Monday barring holidays. For more info email peacezenspa@ hotmail.com G FREE WALKING PROGRAM FOR SENIORS (Fitness) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex 10:30-1:30am -From Sept 16 - Mar 31. For more info call 780-332-2122.

G MUSIC AND PLAY (Family) - Grimshaw United Church 9:30am - For ages 1-4. For more info call 780-332-4748.

N PARENTS & TOTS (Family) - Nampa Municipal Library 10-11:30pm - For more info call 780-322-3954.

G TAOIST TAI CHI (Well-Being) - St. Bartholomew's Anglican Church 7-8pm - Beginner & Continuing. For more info call 780-835-4642 or visit www.taoist.org

F TOASTMASTERS (Community) - Fairview Fine Arts

G ROLLER DERBY (Fitness) - Grimshaw Curling Arena 6:30-8:30pm.

F PAINTERS GUILD (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre

G FREE AFTER SCHOOL FUN (Youth) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex 4-6pm - From Sept 10 - Dec 17.

For more info call 780-332-4005.

G

Tuesdays P ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

AL-ANON (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church P (upstairs) 7:30pm - Support for friends and families of alcoholics. For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

P TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) -

Lutheran Church (9722 84 Ave) 6:30pm - A weight loss support group. Weigh in Tuesdays. For more info call 780-624-4159.

P BOOK MOBILE (Community) - Heritage Towers

1-3pm.

P STORY TIME & CRAFT (Youth) - Sugar Plum Day

Care 10:15am.

P TEEN WRITING CLUB (Youth) - Peace River Library

4-6pm.

P SAFETY SQUAD (Well Being) - HIV North (Sagitawa

Friendship Centre) 4-6pm - Education and awareness of HIV, AIDS, Hep C and blood bourne pathogens. Games, activities and laughter.

P PEACE CHALLENGERS TOASTMASTER CLUB (Self Help) - Northlands Sch. Div. (9809-77 Ave) 7:30pm - Learn to speak with confidence & professional leadership skills. Every Tues. For more info call Cindy 780-624-4890.

ROYAL CANADIAN LEGION BRANCH MEETINGS (Community) - Legion Hall 7:30pm - 2nd Tues. of the Month.

F FAIRVIEW FINE ARTS SOCIETY MEMBERS MEETING

(Community)- Fairview Fine Arts Centre 7:30-9pm - Every second Tues. For more info call the Fine Arts Centre at 780-835-2697.

F Alcoholics Anonymous (Self Help) - St. Helen

Anglican Church, Fairview 8pm.

Centre 7-8pm.

All levels welcome. $2 members, $5 non-members.

D

DIXONVILLE COMMUNITY LIBRARY OPEN (Community) - Dixonville Library 3:30-6:30pm - Stop in for a complimentary coffee while you browse for books.

D TINY TOTS PLAYGROUP (Family) - Dixonville Curling

Rink 10-11:30am - Everyone welcome! For more info call 780-971-2258.

M SMOKY RIVER KARATE CLUB (Lifestyle) - McLennan Elk's Hall 6-8pm - First week is free!

Wednesdays P PEACE RIVER 124 AIR CADETS (Community) - Al

Adair Rec Centre 6:30-9:30pm - For youth 12-19.

To learn. To serve. To advance. For more info call 780-618-5277.

with your projects. All levels welcome. $5/nonmembers, Free for members.

F

TAOIST TAI CHI (Well-Being) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre 7-9pm. For more info call 780-494-3410 or visit taoist.org

M SMOKY RIVER KARATE CLUB (Lifestyle) - McLennan Elk's Hall 6-8pm - First week is free!

Fridays

7-10pm - All levels and mediums welcome. Free for members, non-members $5.

P PRESCHOOL STORY TIME & CRAFT (Family) -

B BERWYN BOOK BUGS (Youth) - Lloyd Garrison School (PPL Playroom) 2-3:30pm - For caregivers and children ages 0-6.

P ESL CIRCLE (Community) - Peace River Library 1pm.

Peace River Library 10:30am.

P NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Peace

River United Church 8pm - For More Info call 780-618-9518.

Thursdays P BOARD GAME NIGHT (Community) - Java Domain -

Bring Your Own Board. Come out and start a game, join one, or just hang out. Open until 9pm. Try the special late night menu!

SIT N STITCH (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre

F 7-9pm - Needlework, Knitters, Crochet, Tatters, etc.

F WEAVERS GUILD (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre

1-5pm - Free for members, $5 drop in fee for non-members.

G BOOK BUGS (Family) - New Horizon Centre 1011:30am - FREE program for children ages 0-6. For more info call Tracey at 780-835-3273.

G BOOK BUDDIES (Family) - Grimshaw Library 1011:30am - For ages 3-5 (parents may bring younger or older children). Story readings, related song/ finger play/game and hands-on activity. Starting on Sept. 10. Each block (of 7 to 8 sessions) costs $10 per family.

F TAOIST TAI CHI (Well-Being) - Fairview Fine Arts

Centre 7:30-9pm. For more info call 780-494-3410 or visit taoist.org

Regional Multiplex 10-11am - FREE. For ages 0-6.

P PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St.

James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. Call 780-618-8726.

G

P FREE MOVIE (Film) - Peace River Library 6-8pm.

P

PEACE OF ART MEETING (Art) - Peace River Library Art Gallery 6:30-8pm - 2nd Thurs of the month, barring holidays. All ages, all abilities and all artistic pursuits welcome. For more info call Wendy at 780-624-2936.

P ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s

United Church 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

P THURSDAY MORNING COMMUNITY COFFEE PARTY

(Community) - St. Paul's United Church 10am Noon. FREE! Everyone Welcome.

G ROLLER DERBY (Fitness) - Grimshaw Curling Arena 6:30-8:30pm.

G FREE WALKING PROGRAM FOR SENIORS (Fitness) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex 10:30-1:30am -From Sept 16 - Mar 31. For more info call 780-332-2122.

FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT (Family) - Grimshaw Library 6:30pm - Every second Friday of the month. Bring your kids for great movies and the best popcorn in town. Sponsored by the A.U.P.E.

H MOVIES & POPCORN AT THE LIBRARY (Film) - High

Prairie Library 3:30-5pm - Everyone welcome. For more info call 780-523-3838.

Saturdays G ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday.

D DIXONVILLE COMMUNITY LIBRARY OPEN

(Community) - Dixonville Library 10-4pm - Stop in for a complimentary coffee while you browse for books.

Sundays

G ROYAL CANADIAN LEGION LADIES AUXILIARY (Community) - Royal Canadian Legion #253 7:30pm.

- 1st Thurs. of the Month.

P Alcoholics Anonymous (Self Help) - Peace

G

P TEEN WRITING CLUB (Youth) - Peace River Library

G TEEN MOVIE NIGHT (Youth) - Grimshaw Library 7pm - The third Thurs of every month. For ages 13-17. Extra snacks and prizes sponsored by A&W. Starting Sept. 20.

G BINGO (Community) - Grimshaw Legion Hall - Doors open at 6pm, Bingo at 7pm.

G TAOIST TAI CHI (Well-Being) - St. Bartholomew's Anglican Church 7-8pm - For more info call 780835-4642 or visit www.taoist.org

Centre 7-10pm - Drop in for an enjoyable evening and socialize with other painters. All levels and mediums welcome. $5/session or FREE for members.

780-835-2697.

F DEVELOPMENTAL PLAYGROUP (Family) - United

F POTTERS DROP IN (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre

P PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St.

James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. Call 780-618-8726.

4-6pm.

G SENIORS AFTERNOON TEA (Seniors) - Grimshaw Library 1:30-3:30pm - The last Tuesday of the month. Various topics discussed, guest speakers, and maybe some games. Join us for coffee and goodies. Starts Sept. 24.

G PARENT & TOT GYM TIME (Family) - Mile Zero

Church Basement 1-2:30pm - Gross and Fine Motor Skills, Social Skills, Healthy Snacks, Music and Crafts.

Every Thursday.

River Community Health Centre (Boardroom) 8pm.

BINGO (Community) - Grimshaw Legion Hall Afternoon Bingo: Doors open at 1pm, Bingo at 2pm.

Evening Bingo: Doors open at 6pm, Bingo at 7pm.

F PAINTERS DROP IN (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts

F QUILTERS DROP IN (Art) - Fairview Fine Arts Centre

1-5pm - Drop in for an enjoyable evening as you work with your clay and socialize with other clay workers. $5/session or FREE for members.

780-835-2697.

1-10pm - Socialize with other quilters and get help

www.thevaultmag.com

theVAULTmagazine 19

Merry

Christmas Val & Wilf! from Carole

20

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

theVAULTmagazine

would like to wish

you & yours the

most amazing

holiday season & an incredible new year!

I want to thank theVAULTmagazine for fulfilling my childhood ambition of having a paper route. ~ “Devious” (DVS)

"Whacked-out Wordage"

Previous Issue's

Solutions

Merry Christmas my Raymond & Angie Tormaigh entin Mom! e r e J & l Chrysta Angel & John Jenel e & & Qu Love

www.thevaultmag.com

theVAULTmagazine 21

the last issue?

i t i f f a r G Street Art vs. Public Nuisance

By Drew Rogers

A

teenager is running down an alley. He’s being chased by police. As the officer catches him, he opens the suspect’s backpack and dumps out can after can of spray paint.

The crime? Graffiti.

Artists come in all varieties.

This tribe, who use man-made structures as their medium and endure a lot of scrutiny in most urban centres. On one end, graffiti can be incredible street art that turns urban sprawl into an ever-changing gallery, but it can also be a needless eyesore.

For instance, gangs have traditionally used graffiti “tags” as a way of marking territory. These tags are a simple name or symbol that is replicated by members as a way of showing their presence in areas. Additionally, petty vandalism does nothing to 22

help the reputation of graffiti as a legitimate art form. Every time you see a nasty word hastily thrown up on a wall it doesn’t reflect well on graffiti artists.

Those legitimate artists who are making their mark on the urban landscape feel the same way about these types of vandalism. That’s not what they’re doing and never will be.

Growing up in Grande Prairie you have to make your own fun and find ways to occupy the time. When Cody Larson was a kid he took notice of what was once a busy graffiti scene. “The last couple of years have been pretty mellow. Not too many people are into it still, but lately there have been more”, said Larson in an interview with theVAULTmagazine.

Running in the same circles in the skateboard scene in GP, it was seeing someone paint in

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

a friend’s basement that really got Larson interested.

As he became more skilled as an artist, Larson started looking for more secluded spaces to work.

“I found this great spot outside of town. Nobody else makes the effort to go out there. It’s where I started and I still like going back there,” said Larson.

The spot has just as much to do with the art. The whole experience is what draws graffiti artist to this method.

When the snow flies the painting doesn’t stop. “The blowing snowdrifts make it even more fun,” said Larson.

“When you can climb up higher and paint, it leaves people scratching their heads once summer hits. It also makes it harder to get rid of.”

Larson has no respect for those who are senselessly tagging up

public places. Even worse is when they ruin someone else’s art with vandalism. “If they write a silly swear word over a legit piece of art, it’s really disrespectful,” said Larson. “It gives us all a bad name and makes it harder to get your art out there legitimately.”

This unwritten code of respect within the graffiti community dictates that a piece should only be covered by the same artist or a larger, more amazing creation.

With any form of art, it’s based on self-expression. Taking a medium and putting your unique spin on it. For Larson blending aspects of realism with forms of traditional graffiti style and cartoon is the latest take on his favourite pastime.

There is a lot of planning, sketching and scoping that goes into executing a successful piece. You might be surprised to know that even

the paint is specially produced for this type of use. The cans themselves are the same, sometimes larger, but the tips make all the difference. The tips control the paint flow and get a more even spread for artists. Larson has to go online to source quality supplies, “I use a website called Art Primo. There are a few shops in Edmonton that sell the right paint and tips too.”

Local government is promoting anti-graffiti programs in our community.

Encouraging residents to record, report and remove offending art. This targets punk kids with five dollar cans of spray from Home Hardware. Artist like Larson will keep on painting in the dark alleys and hidden concrete walls of our communities.

Avoiding persecution by keeping a low profile and continuing to prove that art doesn’t always fit in a frame.

HELP WANTED

Thanks for Reading!

CONTINENTAL/JANITORIAL PERSON SHIFT REQUIRED: 5:30AM - 1PM, SUNDAY TO THURSDAY

RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION AND A RCMP SECURITY CHECK ARE REQUIRED FOR ALL POSITIONS AT THE NOVA INN PLEASE CONTACT MELODY AT 780-618-9999 OR DROP YOUR RESUME OFF AT THE NOVA INN: 8010 100 AVE, PEACE RIVER, AB

www.thevaultmag.com

theVAULTmagazine 23

Flash Fiction Contest Winner [Editor’s Note] We would like to thank everyone for entering theVAULTmagazine’s Flash Fiction contest. While we received many great entries, there can only be one winner. We felt this entry was well written, well composed, had excellent timing and character building considering the limiting word count. We also liked the severity of the secret contained in the story you are about to read--it has an Outer Limits or Twilight Zone quality to it that we enjoyed very much. The story affects you. You don’t necessarily go about your day after reading this tale--a very admirable trait, again, with such a restricting word count. Without further ado we present to you theVAULTmagazine’s Flash Fiction winning entry...

A Clandestine Affair

By Nikki Love

A

utumn blows over the lake house, showering it with red and gold and orange. The air is cool like an open Frigidaire and the sun sinks each night like a coin tossed into a fountain of wishes. The dark waters swallow it up as it swirls in little eddies towards the lowest extremity. Jim watches the slow descent from his back porch, enjoying a cup of exotic tea he imported from Bali for the foreign, wrong taste it leaves in his mouth. Karen sits next to him, rocking in the wooden chair that her great grandmother managed to cross the Atlantic Ocean with in the eighteen hundreds.

“Are you getting the proper nutrients?” Jim’s face is creased with concern as he runs his hand over Karen’s bloated stomach.

do even the simple things, like go to the store and buy groceries. But it’s not like I didn’t know it would be like this.”

Jim bites his lip with empathy.

“I know. The little one will be here soon and we won’t have to hide this any longer.”

He lifts her shirt and kisses her belly, nipping it softly, before lowering her shirt again. They don’t have to hide out here. Lake Wendigo is small and rests on a section of land, a five minute drive out of town, passed down to Jim from his parents when they died twelve years before in an rare kind of accident with an overhead power line. That unfortunate incident came just after the birth of Jim and Karen’s first child, a quiet, ruddy-faced baby girl.

The entire body of water fits She watches the waters within Jim’s section of land, crawling against their shore in making it a private lake for tiny waves emitting a steady, him and Karen. As a sedentary alluring lap, lap, lap. “Yes. couple, both in their midThough it would be nice to forties, they wear the solitude well. Town is close enough 24

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

for ease, yet far enough away that all of its noises cannot reach their home.

The lake itself is modest, though the extravagance that Jim and Karen bestow upon themselves is not.

Jim collects restored model T cars, preferring to hunt down completed projected rather than endeavoring to take on a restoration himself.

His obsession, however, lies with obtaining original manuscripts no matter the price tag. It is in this way that he has come to own works for Giovanni Pico della Mirandola, Heinrich Kramer and Jacob Sprenger, Plato, Francis Bacon and Jonathan Swift among many others.

through the rooms and hallways. The somber clap of shoe to floor bounces off of the antiques Karen has adorned their empty house with, reverberates up the walls and crashes against the painted faces on the ceiling.

The ceiling mural was done by a man she hand-picked and had flown in from Sicily.

Though the fresco was painted over stucco in proper Baroque fashion, the subjects seem inverted, as if crawling down through the roof, rather than appearing to break out above. Robust, cherub-like children centre the mural while gaunt, emaciated figures seemingly slip around the image’s edges, eerily opaque.

Their house is a two-story Their eyes glare from deep modern take on the Baroque within their sockets; their ashera. Its castle-like features gray skin pulls tight around are complemented by their bones; and, though each the furnishings Karen has clutches a mixture of jewelry, obtained in her prestige- gemstone and coin, the infused obsession. It is a painter captured an intense, home that is much too large real hunger glowering from for them, yet they relish in their eyes and from the the sounds of their footsteps predatory way their bodies echoing, undisturbed, seem to haunch. The children

stand out—vibrant, healthy and alive—dominating the mural with their innocence and effervescent nature.

“It’s happening,” whispers.

Karen

“Everything is ready.” Jim takes her hand and leads her to the kitchen. She lies on the counter, her legs spread.

Her contractions come on stronger and quicker than before, her pelvic floor muscles give more easily, having already been stretched on eleven occasions before and the child is born within the hour.

Karen holds the baby in her arms briefly. When the child begins to cry, Jim gently eases him out of her arms and quiets him. As she watches Jim, a slight wave of worry brushes her face and she reaches out to touch his arm. “You set it for four hundred degree this time right? Last time he was overdone.”

Find the Vault Head

The Final Chapter

T

his is my last column. I hope you enjoyed my musings. Writing this column has brought back many memories both happy and sad. I have written about my youth, family, jobs and travels and now it is time to write about my wonderful wife Edele.

My hometown Hanover, Ontario boasted a popular roller skating arena that served the surrounding towns. A Wednesday night in August 1947 was the luckiest day of my life. I saw a pretty girl standing at the roller arena’s entrance. I asked her to skate with me. Her response was positive and it was love at first sight – yes I believe in love at first sight because ours lasted 55 years. We courted for 3 years and married on November 25, 1950 in her town of Chelsey merely 12 miles from my Hanover home.

Edele came from a closely knit family. She was born in Dortmund, Germany in 1929.

Her family immigrated to Chelsey, Ontario in 1930. She was the eldest of 3 children--a sister, Ruth, and a brother, Harold.

After we married, Edele and I worked locally for a year until my mother passed away.

We moved to Toronto. This was the best move for our future. I enrolled in an engineering institute and Edele worked for an insurance company. Years passed until our son, David was born in 1957. At that time I was employed as an electrical engineer while Edele stayed home to raise David. Edele enjoyed being at home where she never had an idle moment. She loved to cook and try new recipes; I was the tester and never complained as they were always delicious!

Edele was a talented woman who filled our home with petit point, crewel pictures and hooked rugs. She enjoyed knitting and crocheting clothes for her family and herself.

Edele loved to curl up with a book and was

an excellent card player – she loved cribbage, bridge, solo, and hearts.

Edele didn’t drive as she didn’t want to drive in Toronto. I drove her everywhere she wanted to go. We were always together.

Edele was a true Toronto sports fan. She cheered for Toronto in hockey, baseball, football and basketball. I miss our little spats when I would cheer for the opposing teams.

When David started grade 1, Edele returned to work. She worked at York University for 27 years retiring as the manager of York University Computer Services.

We left Toronto when Edele and I retired in 1994. We pulled up stakes and moved to Peace River. The town reminded us of our home towns and our son David, his wife Carol and children Kim and Cody lived nearby. Today there are great grandchildren, Amelia and Griffin. Amelia named me GG as great grandpa was too long hence the name of this column.

In 2000, we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary with a memorable gathering of friends and family. The evening’s highlight was David and Carol presenting us with framed letters of congratulations from the Prime Minister of Canada, GovernorGeneral of Canada, Premier of Alberta and Lieutenant Governor of Alberta and the Legislative Assembly of Alberta. These letters are proudly displayed in our family room.

My world tumbled down when I lost Edele to cancer on June 9, 2002. I had a great 51 years of married life with a fantastic person for which I am forever grateful. Time heals but you never forget. I miss her.

Win A $5 Tim Card Be the 3rd Person to email in the whereabouts of the Vault head on the Cover and win $5 Tim Card.

(Please provide your name and mailing address in your email)

Email your answer to thepit@thevaultmag.com

“A LittLe Piece Of the PeAce cOuntry”

•Home Tanned Hide Footwear (Moccasins & Mukluks for All Ages) •Caribou/Moose Hair Tufting •Beaded Jewelry •Authentic Shields •Dreamcatchers •Artwork •Birchbark Baskets •Wood Carvings •Hand Drums A wide selection of craft supplies, hides and beads are available for all your traditional craft needs.

780-624-2443 HIDE ‘N SEEK

NATIVE HANDICRAFT STORE

Sagitawa Friendship Centre www.thevaultmag.com

•

Friday 9am-5pm

theVAULTmagazine 25

reviews

Released: November 5, 2013 For: Xbox 360 A Video Game Review By Seth O’Morrow

I

did it. I bit the bullet. I bought Ghosts. It feels… kinda alright.

The vomiting hasn’t started yet.

That’s always a good thing. Of course, the lingering feeling that I’ve become something, no, someone else, is so permeating that I type this

26

with paranoid anxiety.

I’m not a Call of Duty fan. I’ve illustrated this from my very first review for this magazine.

The only one up until now that I’ve truly enjoyed (like, it was really good) was Black Ops 2, and even then, the annoying aspects of the series were still ever-present. How is Ghosts, you ask? I’ll tell you.

Ghosts takes place in the modern day, but not quite, because it’s an alternate history. After the Middle East

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

was turned to glass by nuclear war, the West found itself without a major source of oil, which we know to be at the top of America’s list of priorities.

The many nations of South America, led by Brazil, pooled their resources (oil!) and formed an Alliance known as the Federation. War started, because don’t foreigners in video games always do that?

The North and South made a truce, but the South broke that, because, hey, foreigners again! The United States is decimated (no word on their

Canadian Eskimo friends) and the Federation takes control. It is up to you, Logan, to team up with your dad’s old pals, the Ghosts, an elite military force, and stop the Federation before their evil anti-American plague brings the world to its knees.

mentioning that Ghosts continues the environment interaction system of a momentary frame-rate lag before your character heaves his shoulders and proceeds with the instructed action. It’s really weird. Why can’t they fix that?

Gameplay is crap. Let’s get that out there now. CoD gameplay has always sucked.

The basic formula is “shoot everything before you got shot yourself.” If it moves, kill it. If it’s brown, kill it. What’s that? It’s got an accent?

The story is, well, not very good.

Fortunately, the developers have seemingly dropped the whole CoD larger-than-life atmosphere for a more remote, Battlefieldesque theme. They execute this terribly, however, forcing you to drop your head in shame.

It’s the same pro-American, evil foreigner crap in a shinier package. If there’s one positive aspect, it’s the ending, which is actually really surprising for one of these games. Like, it’s not very hopeful. I’m actually kinda digging it. No spoilers.

Kill it.

The graphics are, surprisingly, not very good. For all of its faults, CoD has always had some top notch character animation, so to see Hesh going all Kingdoms of Amalur on Elias was really shocking.

It’s almost as if this game was made with little thought involved in order to produce a quick buck. But video game developers would never do that. Would they? I kid, but seriously, this is some choppy animation. Worth

Overall, Ghosts is a shoddy product. Discounting dogs (ooh, exciting!) it brings nothing new to the table. It’s a forgetful experience that’s sure to leave you unmoved.

Rating: 3/10

reviews

Homespun

Beebop on drums, Stretch on bass, Red on guitar and piano and Carls Jr. adding sax.

by terry cameron

I heard stirrings in the kitchen as the Raisins rollicked into “Jingle Bell Rock.” Snap, Crackle and Pop magically appeared in toques and gay apparel playing along on tambourine, claves and cowbell. The Raisins were inspired and bust into “Winter Wonderland” which brought out the Pop Tarts singing, “We can build a snowman and pretend he’s Parson Brown.” The kitchen continued coming alive with cereal characters and Christmas treats.

Review

With a hardy Ho-Ho-Ho it was Motown time but with four feet of snow (Snowtown).

confessions, hugs and kisses.

That’s when Aunt Jemima joined the Raisins pouring out a syrupy soul vocal on “White Christmas” reminding me of a sugar coated Mahalia Jackson.

Side one ended with a bluesy “Silent Night” as Captain Crunch tried to direct a spontaneous choir of Froot Loops to no avail. All the cereals were jumping up and down chanting, “more, more!” I hastened to turn the record over not wanting this to get out of hand.

Once again the needle hit the groove and the kitchen came alive with the magical music of “Sleigh Ride.” The gingerbread men snapped their fingers in rhythm as Cheerios harmonized “ooh ooh oohs.” “Lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.”

So I pulled out, Christmas with the California Raisins from 1988 knowing there would be some magic in those grooves. As soon as the needle slid into the first song, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” out jumped the Raisins. A.C.

I thought about how many times we have sat around this kitchen table laughing and rejoicing with family and friends—telling stories, sharing memories, jokes and songs. The food, the drinks, the burps and farts, the antics,

A Film Review

By Seth O’Morrow

wall. How many bricks are there? What are they made of? Are they tropical sunset and murky stool? Who mixed that granite? I don’t care. What’s Frodo doing?

can’t admit to being a fan of the Lord of the Rings. Look, I’m sure that J.R.R. Tolkien was a wonderful guy. I just don’t think he’s that great of a writer. The dude can weave worlds, certainly.

However, he does so in such a meandering fashion that I must compare him to Victor Hugo in terms of why I do not enjoy his work. He’s the kind of guy who depicts a scene by describing the bricks in a

delve too deeply into the plot. Basically, the story picks up shortly after ringbearing Bilbo and his band of Dwarven brothers have escaped the goblin tunnels.

Gandalf has to leave to fight the Necromancer, and now Thorin is determined to defeat Smaug and reclaim Dale for the dwarves.

It’s not that important.

They’ve separated the book into three movies, anyhow, so you’ll need to watch first one to understand everything. It’s pretty good.

Likewise, I never cared much for the film franchise either, which is why I find myself bewildered at my enjoyment of these last two Hobbit films. Maybe it’s the acting. Maybe it’s that kickin’ high frame action.

Maybe it’s the fact that stuff is actually happening.

Whatever the case, it’s three hours well spent. But why is The acting on display here this the case? Let’s explore! is truly standout. Martin The special effects are top Freeman is terrific as Bilbo, notch, partially due to the Many people have already displaying the range of higher frame rate at which read the novel, so I won’t

Christmas with the California Raisins

‘T

is the season for merriment and good cheer. What better way to celebrate than with a favorite old Christmas album.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Released: December 13, 2013

I

The California Raisins, even more wrinkled, still had the vibe and charisma as they swung into “Frosty the Snowman” bringing out Sugar Crisp Bear to sing

his character whereby the hobbit is transformed from a meek homesteader to a greedy rat. Ian McKellen owns the role of Gandalf, as he does with all roles.

Maybe it’s a thing with gay guys that gives them tremendous acting ability (see: Nathan Lane, John Barrowman, etc.). I don’t know. They’re just great.

Others of note include Orlando Bloom, reprising the role of Legolas, and Evangeline Lilly as Tauriel, because dammit, how can a human being be that hot?

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those melancholy lyrics. I even spotted Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben under the mistletoe. The Eggos danced about gleefully with the Mini Wheats. Tony the Tiger roared with laughter and growled, “G-r-r-eat!”

The Raisins ended with John Lennon’s beautiful song “Happy Xmas” and everyone joined in with a sing-along, “Let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear. War is over if you want it.” Even the fruitcake who everyone thought was nuts had a welcome reception.

As the needle finished playing the record with a snap, crackle and pop, I thought to myself, “I think I’ll have some porridge.” As I poured the cereal into the boiling water I was sure I heard Sonny Boy Williamson playing his harmonica.

Merry Christmas to all!

the movie was filmed.

It may sound gimmicky or overhyped prior to watching, but trust me, you’ll see it. Everything has a certain sheen to it, a dynamic fluidity that lends the environment a vibe of embrace. The combat scenes are well choreographed and designed, with convincing costuming and CGI. Overall, the Desolation of Smaug is a terrific new release. It’s great fantasy and engaging cinema, with fine acting and wonderful display of action sequences.

Rating: 8.5/10

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Q

A

I may be polyamorous and I think that it is coloring my read on other people. In particular, I am friends with a couple and I got the feeling during a recent visit that they were grooming me for the husband to make a move. He has always been very touchy-feely, but this time the wife may some odd comments kind of urging him to be more physically affectionate.

I am unsure though and don’t want to ruin the relationship.

When you say you “may” be polyamorous, I’m assuming you mean that you are exploring the possibility that you may prefer, or be most inclined to, love and/or be sexually involved with more than one person at a time. Some people use the term to describe specific relationships they are in. In that sense, they may be in a monogamous relationship at one point in their life and, at another point in time, they may be in a polyamorous relationship.

Other people seem to use the term as an identity—in this sense, they may always consider themselves to be a polyamorous person even if they are sometimes in a monogamous relationship.

It sounds like you’re considering whether you are, as a person, someone inclined toward polyamory.

If you’re interested in being a part of more open relationships, you may want to explore books such as The Ethical Slut or Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.

I obviously cannot tell you whether the couple is hoping you will become sexually or romantically involved with one or both of them—only the couple themselves can answer that question—but reading one or both of these books may give you some thoughts to consider and some ideas about how best to approach the situation. As you likely know, one of the cornerstones of any health relationship—whether monogamous or open—has to do with communication.

If you’re considering involvement with this couple, or wondering about it, communicating with them will be very important—out of respect for yourself, but also out of respect for their existing relationship and marriage. You can learn more about these books and others on our Kinsey Confidential website.

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Find our blog, sex information, podcasts and archived Q&A at www.KinseyConfidential.org.

Follow us on Twitter @KinseyCon

28

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

For the week of December 19 - December 25

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Life is best organized as a LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Italian painter Tintoretto series of daring ventures from a secure base,” wrote psychologist John Bowlby. Some of you Aries enjoy the “daring venture” part of that formula, but neglect the “secure base” aspect. That’s why your daring ventures may on occasion go awry. If you are that type of Ram, the first half of 2014 will be an excellent time to correct your bad habit. Life will be offering you considerable help and inspiration in building a strong foundation.

And if you already appreciate how important it is for your pursuit of excitement to be rooted in well-crafted stability, the coming months will be golden.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20): Here’s a tale of three renowned Taurus brainiacs: Immanuel Kant, John Stuart Mill, and Bertrand Russell. They all had IQs over 175 and all made major contributions to philosophy. Yet all three were physically inept. Kant had trouble keeping a sharp point on his writing instrument, the quill, because he was clumsy using a knife. Mill was so undexterous he found it a chore to tie a knot. Russell’s physical prowess was so limited he was incapable of brewing a pot of tea. Chances are that you are neither as brilliant nor as uncoordinated as these three men. And yet, like them, there is a disconnect between your mind and body -some glitch in the way the two of them communicate with each other. The coming year will be an excellent time to heal the disconnect and fix the glitch.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A horticultural company in the

UK is selling TomTato plants to home gardeners. Each bush grows both cherry tomatoes and white potatoes.

The magic was accomplished through handcrafted hybridization, not genetic engineering. I foresee a comparable marvel in your long-term future, Gemini.

I’m not sure about the exact form it will take. Maybe you will create a product or situation that allows you to satisfy two different needs simultaneously. It’s possible you will find a way to express two of your talents in a single mode. Or perhaps you will be able to unite two sides of you that have previously been unbonded.

Congratulations in advance!

CANCER ( June 21-July 22): “To destroy is always the first step in any creation,” said the poet E. E. Cummings.

Do you buy that idea, Cancerian? I hope so, because the cosmos has scheduled you to instigate some major creative action in 2014. In order to fulfill that potential, you will have to metaphorically smash, burn, and dissolve any old structures that have been standing in the way of the future. You will have to eliminate as many of the “yes, buts” and “I can’ts” and “not nows” as you possibly can.

LEO

( July 23-Aug. 22): When did you first fall from grace? Do you remember? It has happened to most of us. We spend time being privileged or cared about or respected, and then, suddenly, we no longer are. We lose our innocence. Love disappears. Our status as a favorite comes to an end. That’s the bad news, Leo. The good news is that I think the months ahead may be time for you to climb back up to one of those high states of grace that you fell from once upon a time. The omens suggest that even now you’re making yourself ready to rise back up -- and sooner than you think, there will be an invitation to do so.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Leonardo da Vinci created the

painting St. Jerome in the Wilderness around 1480. It now hangs in the Pinacoteca Vaticana, a museum in Vatican City. For several centuries, though, the treasured work of art was missing. Legend tells us that in the early 19th century, Napoleon’s uncle found the lower half of the painting in a junk shop in Rome. Years later he stumbled upon the top half in another back alley, where it was being used as a wedge in a shoemaker’s bench.

I foresee the possibility of a comparable sequence unfolding for you in 2014, Virgo. You just may manage to restore a lost beauty to its proper place of honor, one step at a time.

Home Work

Kinsey Confidential

Free Will Astrology (1518-1594) was a Libra. He worked with such vigor and passion that he was nicknamed Il Furioso -- The Furious. One of his crowning achievements was his painting Paradise, which is 74 feet long and 30 feet tall -- about the size of a tennis court. It adorns a huge wall in the Doge’s Palace, a landmark in Venice. I propose that Tintoretto serve as one of your inspirational role models in 2014. The coming months will be an excellent time for you to work hard at crafting your own personal version of paradise on earth. You may not be so wildly robust to deserve the title “Il Furioso.” But then again, you might.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Between 2002 and 2009, Buddhist monk Endo Mitsunaga spent a thousand days meditating as he did a ceremonial walk around Mount Hiei in Japan. In 2006, English writer Dave Cornthwaite took 90 days to skateboard across the entire length of Australia, a distance of 3,618 miles. The first man’s intentions were spiritual, the second man’s adventurous. The coming months will be prime time for you to contemplate both kinds of journeys, Scorpio.

The astrological omens suggest that you will generate extra good fortune for yourself by seeking out unfamiliar experiences on the open road. To get yourself in the mood, ruminate on the theme of pilgrimage.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Many farms in California’s

Tulare County grow produce for supermarket chains.

Here’s the problem: Those big stores only want fruits and vegetable that look perfect. So if there are brown spots on the apples or if the zucchinis grow crooked or if the carrots get too big, they are rejected. As a result, 30 percent of the crops go unharvested. That’s sad because a lot of poor people who live in Tulare don’t have enough to eat. Fortunately, some enterprising food activists have begun to work out arrangements with farmers to collect the wasted produce and distribute it to the hungry folks. I gather there’s a comparable situation in your life, Sagittarius: unplucked resources and ignored treasures. In 2014, I hope you take dramatic action to harvest and use them.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Derrick Brown has a poem

entitled “Pussycat Interstellar Naked Hotrod Mofo Ladybug Lustblaster!” I hope that at least once in 2014 you will get up the nerve to call someone you love by that name. Even if you can’t quite bring yourself to utter those actual words, it will be healing for you to get to the point where you feel wild enough to say them.

Here’s what I’m driving at, Capricorn: In the coming months, you will be wise to shed any inhibitions that have interfered with you getting all of the free-flowing intimacy you’d love to have.

AQUARIUS ( Jan.

20-Feb. 18): “Artists who are content merely to hone their gifts eventually come to little,” says the Belgian writer Simon Leys. “The ones who truly leave their mark have the strength and the courage to explore and exploit their shortcomings.” I’d like to borrow that wisdom and provide it for you to use in 2014, Aquarius.

Even if you’re not an artist, you will be able to achieve an interesting kind of success if you’re willing to make use of the raw materials and untapped potential of your so-called flaws and weaknesses. Whatever is unripe in you will be the key to your creativity.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In 2014, you will have the mojo to escape a frustration that has drained you and pained you for a long time. I mean you can end its hold on you for good. The coming months will also provide you with the chance to activate and cultivate a labor of love that will last as long as you live. While this project may not bloom overnight, it will reveal its staying power in dramatic fashion. And you will be able to draw on the staunch faith you’ll need to devote yourself to it until its full blessings ripen.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Testify at Freewillastrology.com

Jonesin’ Crossword

Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

“Come On, Daddy Needs a New Pair of Shows!”

Across

1 Flying matchmaker 6 “Fear of Flying” author Erica 10 Its lowest point is the Dead Sea 14 Get wild and woolly?

15 Psychic “Miss” in late-night 1990s ads 16 “Shall we?” response 17 Completely clean out 18 Arthur C. Clarke’s “Rendezvous with ___” 19 Some hosp. staffers 20 Show about a guy who spins those giant signs on the street?

23 Negative vote 24 Word in four state names 25 Old-school “Yeah, right!”

26 Emerald or ruby 27 Picked 29 One of the 30 companies that makes up the Dow Jones Industrial Average 32 Nest eggs of sorts 33 He’s Batman 37 Show about an engaged couple’s Plan Z? 40 LaBeouf of the last Indiana Jones movie 41 Latch (onto) 42 County in a 2008 Tonywinning drama 43 Olympic soccer player Rapinoe 45 “Them!” creature 46 Garden hose bunches 48 Word before or after “thou” 49 Home to the Mustangs 52 Show about helping out with bank heists and kidnappings?

56 Waikiki’s island 57 Centipede’s features 58 “21” singer 59 “Leave it in,” to a proofreader 60 Revolver’s hiding place in “Foxy Brown” 61 Person with a messy desk 62 Duck out of sight 63 Paula from Savannah 64 “For ___ sake!”

Down

1 They broadcast the Senate a lot 2 “Star Trek” crew member 3 Katy who kissed a girl 4 “Othello” antagonist 5 Got closer 6 Prep’s paradise 7 Name for Norwegian kings 8 Fish sought out by Marlin 9 What a shot might hit in soccer 10 Generic greeting card words 11 Shade in old pictures 12 “Cool ___” (New Edition song) 13 One A in AMA 21 Band from Athens 22 Constitution opener?

26 “You busy?”

27 Sing like Bing 28 Do damage 29 “Happy Days” diner 30 “Well, ___-di-dah!”

31 Show where they often use Luminol 32 Fisher of “Wedding Crashers” 34 Palindromic honorific 35 Internet connectivity problem 36 It’s opposite WNW 38 Sandwich order 39 “The Sound of Music” surname 44 Shady figure?

45 Story line shape 46 Raccoon relative 47 Responded to fireworks 48 Firing offense?

49 Refine metal 50 Barroom brawl 51 Detox center guests 52 “My word!”

53 Head honcho 54 Princess Fiona, really 55 “This’ll be the day that ___...”

Musical Instruments B X K A P I C C O L O N H A B M I R A M

R E A I T K H I S F E R R G U T H D R A

F N Z U N S E K V H L A O L U I E O B O

E A O H L A I E I F T U B K D N T E A J

B L O V E X S Y N I U L T Y E A O R D H

N A C E N O D B S O E L A E L Y C O A Y

Marimba Steel Drum Xylophone Triangle Djembe Accordian PianO Harpsichord Didgeridoo Fife

M T I B E P T O R E H C E N C V T R E A

U R X M O H A A I M Y P I A N O M A Y B

R I Y E M O E R I H P M O C Y O H R R U

D A C J T N E D N A E L E L N L S I E T

L D A D X E S T E R T Y A I Y O P S R A

E A C E L L O K E P W X C H N X T M A E

E S L V P S E H A S G A H R A E T B E B

Flute Harp Clavichord Harmonica Kazoo oboe piccolo Theremin Keyboard Keytar

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T H A R P U T S B I T M A N D O L I N N

S E V S E N K I Y C L W K A X R I V I R

J W I N L C G N L H N A I D R O C C A O

S P C P G N U T E O A E O G U I I L U B

L O H K N U I C R R B F A P R D O E F A

C R O I A M T L A D C I D E I I W D R N

B E R O I O A R H E T F C O V X D E M J

R I D Z R F R E N T N E R F L S N A R O

M I D N T E C R D I D G E R I D O O B A

Viola Guitar Banjo Saxophone Tuba Mandolin Cello Bass Sitar

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Jonesin’ Crossword

Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

“Adjusted to Fit Your Screen”--what the flip is going on?

Across

1 Big letters, for short (and what your answers must be written in to understand the theme) 5 Hiking path 10 “Which came first?” choice 13 Clapton or Cartman 14 “The Freshmaker” candy 16 Stuff to fix a squeaky hinge 17 Aligned correctly 19 Pompous attribute 20 Stun gun relative 21 Jewel 22 Amy Winehouse hit 24 Complainer’s sounds 26 1980s hairstyle that may have involved a kit 27 Donut shop quantities 30 Cop show with the line “Just the facts, ma’am” 33 Cupid’s Greek counterpart 34 Wire-___ (like some terriers’ coats) 37 Rowboat propeller 38 Send a document over phone lines 39 Devices that, when turned, adjust themselves (just like the theme answers) 40 Greek vowel 41 Biblical verb suffix 42 Audrey Tautou’s quirky title role of 2001 43 Stay away from 44 Changed an area of town from residential to commercial, e.g.

46 They’re collected in passports 48 Coffee dispensers 49 Cartoonist Guisewite, or her comic strip 51 Faith that emphasizes the oneness of humanity 53 Rapper ___ Def 54 Walkway on an airplane 58 Bullfighting cheer 59 Neil Armstrong went on one 62 Homer’s outburst 63 It’s tossed after a wedding 64 Charity benefit, say 65 View 66 Doesn’t eat for a while 67 Bridge’s length

30

At the Movies 2013

Down

1 Like some checks: abbr.

2 Opera solo 3 Sty dwellers 4 Crafty plans 5 Symbols after brand names 6 Rule over a kingdom 7 South American mountain range 8 Checklist component 9 Rawls of R&B 10 “Land sakes alive that’s awesome!”

11 Prefix for byte meaning “one billion” 12 Amorphous clump 15 Jam, margarine and cream cheese 18 Sci-fi film set inside a computer 23 Exercise machine unit 25 Makes embarrassed 26 Class warmup before a big exam 27 Postpone 28 Make big speeches 29 Do the “I am not a crook” thing with the double V-signs, for example?

30 Three, in Germany 31 Completely devour 32 ___ fatty acids 35 Troy’s friend on “Community” 36 Under the weather 39 ___ salon 43 Well-known quotations 45 “Are you a man ___ mouse?”

47 Warm up after being in the freezer 49 Amounts on a bill 50 Liability counterpart 51 Physiques, casually 52 Lotion ingredient 53 Actress Sorvino 55 Dove or Ivory 56 Hit for the Kinks 57 Actor McGregor 60 Clumsy sort 61 Org. that provides W-2 forms

©2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords

theVAULTmagazine December 20, 2013

World War Z The Croods Gravity Man OF Steel Mama Stoker Spring Breakers Evil Dead The Great Gatsby

Epic The Purge This IS The End Monsters University The heat The Lone Ranger Pacific Rim R.I.P.D. The Conjuring

Her Oldboy Frozen Jobs Don Jon Carrie Bad Grandpa Big Sur Free Birds

Well, this is it. We’ve had a blast!

Thanks for reading!

Puzzles & Comics

Thanks for reading the funnies!

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