OBITCHUARY

CAUSE OF DEATH: THEY'RE JUST FUCKING UGLY DINO STOMPERS OBITCHUARY:

words by the Editors illustration by Nina Bridges

Fila Disruptor 2’s have disrupted streetwear style as we know it. The internet has dubbed them “dinostompers” because of their absolutely gigantic platform soles and ability to turn anyone’s feet into massive dino-like abominations. But make no mistake, unlike dinosaurs, these bad boys are not, in any way, shape, or form, cute.

They make girls look like bigfoot. They make them look like skinny ass candlesticks with large, sturdy bases. They make them look like goofy ass clowns who just stepped out of their clown cars, which had to burn extra gas because the shoes were so damn heavy. It seems like when these girls walk, the whole world should shake. It seems like these girls are both difficult to push over due to a low center of gravity, and also very susceptible to ankle injuries.

In 2018 Fila unveiled the Disruptor 2’s, a tremendous contribution to this scary world where ugly stuff is considered fashionable. And the ugly sneaker trend gained momentum last winter, when fashion mags like Elle, Refinery 29, Women’s Health, and Manrepeller all posted articles about them, either in support or dissent.

Since Fila unveiled the Disruptor 2’s and the young market completely lost their minds over them, other streetwear brands and clothing lines such as Balenciaga, Nike, and Adidas have introduced their own versions of the platform sneakers, and they’re just as chunky and bad as the original. With so many bandwagoners, it’s a wonder the ER isn’t filled with more dinostomper related afflictions.

For just $975, you can break your ankles in the Balenciaga Triple S sneaker. If you’re cheap, you can merely sprain them in the $65 Fila Disruptor 2’s, and look like a basic bitch while you’re at it. Or if you’re a masochist, maybe go for the pair with an extra two-inch wedge for just $15 more and a grand total of 4.5 inches added to your already inflated self-esteem.

We jerks are praying for a second comet—a second extinction. These fugly ass shoes need to make like the dinosaurs and die. JM JERK 2 - 20