Teen Talk

We all know that this is a column for teenagers. This week, however, besides a column that would interest teens, I am gearing this towards parents…of all age children. As Father’s Day is this Sunday, I would like to pay tribute to my dear and beloved Abba, Harav Yonasan Binyamin Halevi Jungreis, zecher tzaddik l’vracha. He parented my siblings and me in a most nurturing and empowering way; I believe there is much to be gained from learning about his unique mehalech (way).

I could fill volumes depicting his life story. The inner strength he possessed and used to live life as a true eved Hashem, accepting, b’lev shalem, the nisyonos Hashem gave Him is truly admirable. In this column, I will focus on the kinds of interventions and special styles he used daily to make us feel loved and respected by him. In turn, these feelings fostered self-confidence, derech eretz, ahavas Hashem, and ahavas haTorah in his children. ~ When Abba would talk to us, he would mention our names with great warmth many times throughout the conversation. As he would repeat our names, the excitement for just saying our names would be more and more noticeable. It was apparent that as he said each and every one of our names, he felt deep appreciation for these children Hashem gave to him.

Abba: “Chayala, how was your test today?”

Me: “It was OK. I think I knew most of it.”

Abba: “I’m so happy for you, Chayala. I saw you studying hard. Chayala, I’m so proud of you.” ~ Abba would usually use terms of endearment when he would mention our names.

Abba: “Rochela, sheifeleh, I’m ready.”

Often, however, sheifeleh wasn’t enough. He would have to stick in another term of endearment even in the most mundane conversation.

Abba: “Rochela, mein tyereh sheifeleh, I’m ready to go with you to the bagel store.” ~ Throughout the day, sporadically, Abba would sing a jingle using one of our names. Can you imagine what it felt like studying on a Sunday afternoon, in our bedrooms, hearing our father downstairs in the dining room, singing a song about one of us? The fact that he was singing about us all through the day demonstrated to us his deep appreciation for his children.

Abba: “Layala, ah Layala, mein tyereh, tyereh, Layala. Layala, ah Layala, mein tyereh, tyereh, Layala!” ~ In general, Abba would talk to us in a “sing-song” sort of way. There was a slight tune as he conversed with us, enabling us to be soothed in his presence. Even when he left messages on our voicemail, the tune was present.

Abba: “Ari, this is Abba calling, it’s urgent, I love you, call me ba-ack.” (There was so much inflection and emotion in these voice messages.) ~ Whenever we would walk into the house, he would greet us. Even if we went out

for just a short stroll, he would acknowledge our presence when we returned. This recognition made us feel important. Moreover, it made us feel valuable to him. When we returned home from a full day of school, the

“Shalom Aleichem” that he used to greet us was filled with enthusiasm and fervor.

Abba: “Look who’s here…BORUCH! It’s so great to see you, Boruch! How was your day?” ~ Abba was our greatest cheerleader. He praised us incessantly. The way he conversed with his children was through compliments. He was overwhelmingly generous with these accolades. He didn’t reserve them for only huge accomplishments. When we would be ready to walk out to school, he paid tribute to us on how we were dressed. When we came home from school with a test or assignment that was returned to us, he congratulated us on how well we performed. If we prepared something for a meal, he always made sure to commend us on how delicious the food

was. Even if something we wore had a stain, or the food we prepared was not so edible, or the test we brought home didn’t have a great mark, he made sure to compliment us. He just wanted us to know that he felt good about each and every one of us!

Moreover, when he complimented, it was REAL. He didn’t merely commend; he was

Teen Talk, a new column in

TJH, is geared towards the teens in our community. Answered by a rotating roster of teachers, rebbeim, clinicians, and peers (!), teens will be hearing answers to many questions they had percolating in their minds and wished they had the answers for.

Can you imagine what it felt like studying on a Sunday afternoon, in our bedrooms, hearing our father downstairs in the dining room, singing a song about one of us?

Are you a teen with a question? If you have a question or problem you’d like our columnists to address, email your question or insight to editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com, subject line: Teen Talk.

quite descriptive in his accolades.

Abba: “Boruch, I saw you playing ball outside. You’re a pro! Time to join the big leagues, Boruch!”

Abba: “Layala, you look so pretty in this outfit. You’re wearing my favorite color!” ~ Abba instilled in us a tremendous sense of hakaras hatov to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for our kochos (strengths). When we accomplished something or reached a milestone, no matter how big or small, he would always tell us that we must appreciate where this is coming from. He cultivated within each of his children an understanding that Hashem is the One Who makes it all happen. When he would communicate this awareness to us, which was often, he would use the phrase, “DO YOU REALIZE?” I believe “DO YOU REALIZE?” was one of his favorite quotes. This verse was used as a tool to foster deep appreciation to Hashem and help us understand that He gives us so much.

Abba: “Rochela, how are the kids?”

Rochela: “They’re good. I’m busy with them. I have to take care of a few errands now for them.”

Abba: “Rochela, do you realize what you have? DO YOU REALIZE the matanos (gifts) Hashem gave you? Each one of your children is a diamond! He gave you diamonds, Rochela!” ~ Abba wanted us to appreciate every koach (strength) we had. He wanted us to not take our abilities and talents for granted. When he would communicate this lesson to us, which was quite often, he would also exclaim, “DO YOU REALIZE?”

Abba: “Ari, you had so many friends over. DO YOU REALIZE how popular you are? Ah, Ari, you’re amazing!” ~Another one of Abba’s favorite verses was, “Who taught you?” Saying thank you to us often wasn’t enough. Abba wanted us to understand that our abilities to do certain tasks were not merely happenstance. He wanted us to realize that in all likelihood we learned this skill from someone…usually implying our mother.

Abba: “Layala, this meal is delicious! Who taught you how to make all these dishes?

Ima?” ~ Abba demonstrated hakaras hatov to us for anything we did for him, albeit the smallest act or favor. Abba: “Layala, thank you for taking me to the zoo with your children. I know you’re so busy, yet you found the time to go with me.” Abba: “Boruch, thank you for learning with me. Your nightly phone calls make a difference.”

Abba: “Rochela, thank you for polishing my shoes for Shabbos.” ~ Abba addressed only the good parts. He emphasized what we were skilled in; not what we were lacking. He had a knack for overlooking our weaknesses and capitalizing on our strengths. ~Abba never forgot. He remembered every one of our achievements and every one of our hardships that we shared with him. He would often remind us years later of these milestones or commemorative events. He smiled and was joyous with us when we celebrated, and he cried with us when we endured pain or misfortune. Observing Abba’s disposition as we experienced these events made us feel he was experiencing the same feelings we were.

Abba: “Chayala, I still can’t get over how you won color war in 10th grade. Rabbi Kelman said it was the first time the sophomores won in the history of Prospect Park Yeshiva! I am so proud of you!”

“Chayala, just know, I remember how hard it was for you when your close friend passed away. Ay, Chay, I’ll always remember.” “Ari, I recall like it was yesterday when you hurt your knee. Ay, Ari, how is it feeling now?” ~ Abba was extremely affectionate with each of us. He would say, “I love you” so easily throughout the day. Abba always demonstrated physical affection towards his children. He would kiss us with great vim and vigor, many times over throughout the day. Even when he would walk in the room and see us, whether we were doing our homework or playing a game, he would bend down to kiss us. What took the most time when we would depart were the kisses and hugs he would impart to us. It was a ceremony of sorts, with Abba kissing us on both sides of our faces repeatedly (while holding our heads with his soft hands) culminating with one more kiss on our foreheads for “good luck.” There was always room for one more kiss. If he could get one more in, he’d waste no time to offer us that connection to him. And, when we would kiss Abba, he would always kiss us back.

A few years ago, I went to hear my principal, Rabbi Yoel Kramer, address a gathering of parents and mechanchim. He said, “Fathers, if you want your daughters to be healthy and noble, kiss your daughters! Don’t hold back any physical affection from them! I have seen firsthand the negative results of girls who are deprived of physical affection.”

When Abba was niftar, on the 5th of Iyar, Yom Ha’atzmaut, 5782 (2020), it was during the uncertain times of Covid. Due to the pandemic, the levaya was held at the gravesite. Being that it wasn’t in a funeral home, the sons and the daughters were able to eulogize him, while everyone watched on Zoom. After the funeral, Dr. David Pelcovitz, a colleague of my sister, Layala Salomon, remarked that this man was ahead of his times and that this is the parenting style that’s needed for our children to succeed.

Abba, we love you and miss you too, too much and look forward to the day that we will be reunited with you b’karov!