JWOW

The Jewish Home | JULY 7, 2022 jewish women of wisdom

Function vs. Form

By Miriam Liebermann, MSW

Around twenty-five years ago, I found myself doing a great deal of research into eating disorders. It was hard for me to even fathom that there are those who would simply starve themselves, deprive themselves of delicious, nourishing food. The concept was so foreign to me that I just had to delve into the world of those suffering from this strange ailment in order to understand their mindset. Eating disorders are illnesses of the mind and psyche; successful treatment involves the intervention of trained, experienced professionals – a medical doctor, along with a nutritionist and, of course, a mental health professional.

Anorexia, binge eating, and bulimia are very serious illnesses with ramifications for the general health of the patient. A child suffering from an eating disorder can create havoc in her home and her family. Within our communities, sadly, we are not immune. Not at all. I did my research, consulted with professionals, and found myself writing about this phenomenon, speaking in public, and encouraging families to pursue help when necessary. Today, we have thankfully many more resources available than we had three decades ago when I began my research. But it is still a major struggle to overcome this malady. It must be taken very seriously.

We should be working on a proactive approach. If we learn to appreciate our bodies and respect them, if we truly love ourselves, we would not embark upon disordered eating but would do our utmost to protect and nurture our health. There is much to elaborate on. This is not the right time or place. Just one point please, which you may want to share with children and grandchildren. This may literally be a lifesaver.

Throughout my readings and research, there was one concept in particular that I found super relevant. Forgive me, I no longer recall the source – it’s been decades – but the teaching is more relevant than ever.

We are encouraged to regard our bodies in terms of function rather than form. I may not be thrilled with the shape/form of my legs, but they carry me beautifully! They enabled me for years to enjoy the Israeli dance classes that enhanced my life so. Many thanks to my dear teacher, Mrs. Shulamis Shputz. And how many weddings have I enjoyed, dancing with the beautiful kallah and family, soaring on the wings of joy! My legs have carried me on many fabulous walks through Riverside Park, Central Park and now, Sutton Park. BH, they function beautifully!

Hips? Form may be nothing to write home about, but function – that’s another story. How many adorable babies have I balanced on my hips!

Hands? Fingers? Broad and wrinkled. But they’re my father’s hands which I can still picture in my mind today. We would walk home from shul, hand in hand together, every Shabbos morning. I can still feel the warmth and strength of his hands. When he died, I would wear his sheepskin gloves in order to hold onto his warmth. One day, one winter, I could no longer find them. I was bereft. Then I realized that I no longer need his gloves; his essence is within me, within my heart and soul.

And these fingers –they’ve been playing the piano for half a century, bringing me enormous joy. They’ve enabled me to create fabulous needlework projects that enhance our home. Scenes of Yerushalayim. Pastoral scenes. Tefillin bags for our grandsons. Birchot Habayis/Blessings for the Home for our adult, married children. Thank you mighty fingers. Carry on!

Wait! I’m not yet done. These fingers have been working the keyboard for the last five decades, enabling me to communicate with family, friends, with the entire world! How can I not absolutely love these fingers of mine?

My arms? How many ka”h gorgeous, adorable, lovable children have I cuddled and hugged with these arms? Older children, too! Still adorable and gorgeous ka”h. And adult children?!

Regarding my body in terms of function rather than form puts a whole new spin in my approach. Thank you, dear G-d, I love my body. It works! It plays! It dances! Sings! It enables me to live a full, rich life!

Forget the form, that’s irrelevant. Let’s focus on function and take heart. Especially as we age, we are incredibly grateful to find ourselves mobile and agile, active and alert. So much to be grateful for! Dance on. With G-d’s help. Forever!

JWOW! is a community for midlife Jewish women which can be accessed at www. jewishwomanofwisdom.org for conversation, articles, Zoom events, and more.