Teen Talk

Dear Teen Talk,

Teen Talk, a new column in TJH, is geared I am an average student in school. In general, my teachers don’t have any problems with me, and I do OK. This year, though, it seems that one of my teachers has it out for me. The first week of school she kicked me out – and I was never kicked out of class in my life. (I’m towards the teens in our community. Answered by a rotating roster of teachers, rebbeim, clinicians, and peers (!), teens will be hearing answers to many questions they had percolating in their minds and wished they had the answers for. in tenth grade.) I try my hardest to not move a muscle during her class but even when I try my hardest, she’ll find something wrong. One day she even told me, “Stop looking at me like that!” I don’t know what to do. It’s ruining my year. By the way, I actually do well in her class and know the material well. It’s just that in class she seems focused on making it hard for me. I would appreciate your insights and advice.

Wow, this sounds like a tricky situation! In a scenario like the one you are describing, had it been with a friend, I would have right away suggested speaking to her about it. However, the relationship with a teacher is a bit different and has to be approached with a different level of respect.

That being said, the first thing I would recommend is recognizing that she is an adult, and as with most people, there is more to the story that you are not aware of. I can imagine it is extremely frustrating to be treated the way you have described, especially when you have no clue why, and so it’s easy to get upset at the one who is, so to speak, “treating you badly.” However, it’s important that you take a step back and recognize that you don’t see the full picture, just as she may not realize how she is affecting you. There is often a lot going on in a person’s life that has nothing to do with us and yet we still find ourselves taking it personally.

The truth is we all do it, not that it makes us OK, but none of us are perfect as much as we may like to think so; we have our flaws and we make mistakes. You know from yourself that there may be times when you have mistreated someone just because you yourself were having a bad day. Sometimes we are not aware of the way we affect others and

When you find yourself struggling with a particular situation that is outside of your control, consciously remind yourself that this is not a “you problem.”

to what extent we do. With that being said, while we can’t change the ways others act, we can be conscious of the way our own actions affect others.

The important part is not to take it personally. Of course, this is one of those things that are easier said than done, and it takes more than a lifetime to get to the point where nothing anyone says to you will get to you. But in this situation, it’s important to remind yourself that it most likely has nothing to do with you. When you find yourself struggling with a particular situation that is outside of your control, consciously remind yourself that this is not a “you problem.” If you are not doing anything that would cause your

teacher to react negatively, and you cannot find any way to improve on your behavior in class, it’s important that you don’t blame yourself for the way you are being treated.

Now, I know all I have said up until this point is everything about the situation which is outside of your hands, so now it’s time to discuss what is. I want you to remember that

this is your teacher that we’re discussing, and regardless of how she is treating you, it’s important that you still show respect. As much as it is for her, it’s for yourself, too, to show yourself that the respect you show others is not for any reason other than the fact that this is something that is important to you. If you find it difficult to feel respect for her, work on switching your perspective and look for the positive. I’m sure there is so much that is admirable about her purely from the fact that she is a teacher and there is so much that goes into teaching that we are not aware of. Even if the situation itself doesn’t change, you’ll find your attitude towards the class switching from one of dread, and you may even find that you enjoy the class.

I want to emphasize this as much as I can Are you a teen with a question? If you have a question or problem you’d like our columnists to address, email your question or insight to editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com, subject line: Teen Talk.

that there is no doubt in my mind that there is more to the story. I know that me telling you this does not change the situation, and she may continue to treat you as if she is out to get you, but for yourself it’s so important, not just with your teacher, but with everyone, to judge them favorably.

Lastly, if the situation does not get better, or worsens even, I would definitely recommend discussing it with your parents or a mentor and going from there. Talking over the situation with a trusted adult can help to alleviate some of the stress you’re experiencing. Your parents or mentor may also be able to give you pointed advice on how to handle the class and your teacher, as they may be more familiar with your school and classroom dynamics.

I hope that everything works out!

Daniella is originally from Houston, Texas, and recently moved to Baltimore, Maryland, after a year of seminary in Israel. She currently works in a school while studying for a degree in psychology.

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