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The Jewish Home | MAY 5, 2022
Parenting Pearls
Cooperative Play by Sara rayvych, MSed
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OctOber 29, 2015 | the Jewish Home
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ears ago, I was looking into some new board games for the kids, and I saw there was a category called “cooperative games.” Honestly, I thought it was a bit sad. Did adults think children were so fragile they couldn’t handle losing a simple game? I went to a different category, trying to find something that would interest my crew. I don’t remember how much later it was that I once again stumbled across cooperative games. I inquired about them from the customer service representative and realized my initial perception of these games was inaccurate. Rather than playing something the child couldn’t lose, it was a game the children played together to accomplish a united goal. Rather than trying to beat each other, they were trying to beat the game. I was only mildly interested but decided to purchase a highly recommended one, The Secret Door, to try it out. The goal of the game was to save the treasures before the thief ran away with them. There were three treasures, and the adventurous players could find some, all or none of them. I gave it to the kids before yom tov and showed them how to play. It was a very beautiful morning that first day of yom tov as they happi-
ly played while I got to sleep a bit late. They would periodically run up to tell me their progress, how many treasures they found, and how many they missed, always ending with “we’re playing again.” As my younger set are now the right age for enjoying board games, I recently purchased a few more games before Pesach. I did buy some regular, competitive games, but I mostly bought cooperative ones. I noticed something interesting. Besides the fun and entertainment value they provided, there was something very different when the game was cooperative. The kids were much happier playing cooperatively than competitively (as most games are designed). I also had almost no games ending with “he/she cheated,” someone tantruming/acting out, or any of the many negative behaviors little children somehow think is appropriate. It seems like each family has a child who “cheats” or can’t follow the rules. There’s also the child who accuses everyone else of cheating. Sometimes the “cheater” and “accuser” are one and the same. Either way, what should be a fun, family-focused activity can become stressful and a continuously brewing fight.
I was very curious about this fact. Why was the same child happy losing against the game but throwing up the board screaming once they realized their sibling had a chance to beat them? In both cases, they were losing. Learning to cooperate and work together goes beyond board games. It’s a skill that we build over the course of a lifetime. For a preschooler, it means not stealing their friends’ cookie, but for an adult, it means accepting their spouse’s differences and working together, not against each other. As parents, we can foster the building blocks of cooperation and bonding. Not only are we setting our children onto a path of kindness and consideration for others, we’re also creating a more peaceful home.
Cheerful Playmates Homes run smoother when children are playing happily. Cooperation makes things happen, and fights make us want to scream. It’s not only hard on the parents but also on the child to live in a home where the kids are constantly bickering. Ultimately, siblings should be friends with each other, even if they still have the occasional squabbles, and this
should be our goal. When we pit child against child, we create a relationship of adversity and strife. It might feel like you’re motivating them by saying, “If he can do it, why can’t you,” but comparing children tends to backfire. We can inadvertently create friction between family members and foment conflict. Alternatively, when we encourage friendship and positive feelings between our precious children, we can build relationships that are peaceful now and loving in the future. Baruch Hashem, I’m close with my siblings now and we know that we can count on each other. Friends and neighbors can come and go, but your siblings are yours forever – our kids might as well like each other. There are many small things we can do that encourage friendship and discourage fighting between children. I will mention some examples in this article, but these ideas are certainly not your only options. More than a do-and-don’t list, it’s really a frame of mind and being aware of the issue.
Competition Occurs Naturally Kids are naturally competitive. Children – teens, in particular – judge
