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MAY 27, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Parenting Pearls
It Takes a Village By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
M
emorial Day is when the country comes together and honors those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. I, like many others, have relatives who have proudly served in the military. Thankfully, all my great-uncles returned safely, but sadly, many others can’t say the same. We and our families should take a moment to appreciate and honor those that have served and been lost. This Memorial Day is a difficult one for my extended family. Our family will come together from different parts of the country for the unveiling of the matzeivah of my uncle, Manish Yitzchak ben Aryeh, after his passing this past summer. I remember after his passing one thought that came to my mind was the gift of family that he helped give to us. Like many other families, ours was devastated by the Holocaust. We were a small but close-knit group. I have fond memories of my siblings and I making the hours-long drive, trekking across the country to visit our cousins for yom tov, particularly Pesach. As we would leap out of the car, we were greeted by my Bubby’s chicken soup. At that moment, any hope my uncle had for calm was
long gone. We were rambunctious and chaotic, but our family became closer from these visits. I’m sure the extra people in the house were challenging for my uncle, but he greeted us happily each time. I know those trips weren’t easy for my parents, either but, as they told me, family is important. I thought this would be an appropriate time to discuss the important role of extended family in a child’s life. Additionally, not everyone has family close by. Those children, too, deserve to have many people who love them and care for them outside their own home. They say it takes a village to raise a child. As parents, we have the opportunity to create that village and expand it as our children need.
Benefits We usually know there are benefits to our children being close to others but the benefits go beyond that. Family is often there for you even when others aren’t. It can, and should, be a nearly unbreakable bond. Even if they don’t like you, they still need to put up with you. I’ve often been amazed at just how special the grandparent-grandchild bond is. There is something
unique and inherently loving when it comes to grandparents. Most of us have the warmest feelings when we remember our grandparents. They are among the few who could love us no matter what we got ourselves into. Encouraging this relationship is beneficial to our children. I know that each relative adds their own something special. There may be relatives you like more and some you like less but the bond is often there.
Compromising You’d think it would be easy to include extended relatives in a child’s life. For many families, it is; for others, not so much. It’s surprising how much parenting styles and personalities can differ between one generation and the next. In addition, medical advice has changed over the decades. What was once considered the safest way to care for an infant or child is now often considered an unsafe practice. Unique parenting and personality styles are one of the many differences you can see between people. Using grandparents as an example, you would imagine that a child is similar in parenting style to their own parents, but that is often
not the case. This gets even more pronounced when it’s in-laws who didn’t raise you personally and may have very different parenting methods than the ones you were raised with. As an example, so often we see that one generation tends to be stricter parents, while the other generation is more relaxed. This often leads to friction. The world has changed so much since we were kids that it makes sense that parenting styles would change. Some like things to be neat, and other want “kids to be kids.” Some people are strict about limiting sweets, and others feel that food is food. The list is endless – as are the potential causes of friction and disagreement. All you need to do is check the advice columns of many papers to see some of the many ways generations conflict about the best way to raise children. It’s possibly one of the most common topics addressed! Another difference is that medical advice has changed. Most of us reading this article were put to sleep on our stomachs – for our own safety. We probably even had blankets to keep us warm. Many of us had cribs with bumpers. Our children’s pediatricians tell us now to put our babies to sleep on their backs – for
