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DECEMBER 9, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
jewish women of wisdom
Leaning into the Changes By Miriam Hendeles
A
recent study performed on people over the age of fifty found that they were less anxious than younger people in dealing with COVID restrictions. By contrast, younger people resisted the rules of quarantine, pushing back against the regulations. Reasons given for these results were that older people have gone through previous challenges in their lives and have developed grit for overcoming adversity. Whether dealing with COVID or in other life situations, resilience is a valuable quality. Tolerating changes and going with the flow is a skill that we can generalize to life in general. One of the most challenging transitions for many of my peers is dealing with empty nests. Their resilience shows in their ability to bounce back after setbacks of sadness, worry, and loneliness. The struggles are real, although some experience them more than others. For me, personally, the difficulty crept up slowly, seeming almost non-existent in the early years after my kids left home. I was thrilled that my kids had found lovely women to marry and was excited to have the big house to my husband and myself. I didn’t identify so much with my friends who spoke of empty nest
and midlife woes. I read the heartfelt prose written by fellow empty nesters, describing empty bedrooms with baseball bats and mitts sitting on dressers and tugging at their heartstrings. I read these pieces and thought, “Nah, that’s not me. It’s great the kids moved out. Time to declutter and redecorate.” I wrote my own articles, declaring proudly about
This past summer, my grandson went to sleepaway camp for the first time. Seeing the photos of him in front of his house with his suitcases and duffle bags brought back memories of several decades ago when my children went to camp. I remembered the pride of sending a child to camp, seeing them off, the delicious letters received from them, the joy of watching them grow and interact
Now is the time for us to gather those resilience skills and embrace the stage we are in – the good and the not-so-good.
my joy at the empty nest and how I coped when my newly married couple didn’t call me for the first week after sheva brachos. Little did I realize that the sentiments of my friends in the early days of our kids moving on were a harbinger for what I was going to experience just a bit later. I eventually followed my peers into this stage of “what do I do now?” I was a late empty nest bloomer.
with their peers, and finally the realization when they came home (with tons of laundry and missing items) how tall they’ve gotten and how much they’ve matured. But those memories are selective, just giving the rosy outline for the more realistic detail. The real story of back in the day consists of my anxiety wondering if my child was happy. The full story holds the
concern I had when a child called up homesick. I realize now that it’s time to lean into the newness and roll with the changes. Time to realize that every stage has its positives and negatives; prideful feelings and angst. As much as we seem to remember the past being perfect, we know that it’s not true. Nostalgic feelings are wonderful to have but if it holds us back from moving forward, it’s time to look closely at the faded pictures in our minds and see them for what they are. Now is the time for us to gather those resilience skills and embrace the stage we are in – the good and the not-so-good. Rather than pine for the past, let’s live in the present. Let’s embrace our role and pride as grandmothers of growing grandchildren. Leave the raising kids, the hecticness, and dirty laundry for the younger generation. Let’s flex those resilience muscles and move forward with joy for the blessings and courage during the struggles. Let’s look forward, not back, because we’ve been there and done that. Done! Join the conversation and email list of JWOW! by writing to hello @jewishwomenofwisdom.org.
