An En-Lightening Chanukah by Aliza Beer, MS RD

Dr. Deb

Are We Traumatized?

By Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.

So there I was, trying to attend to all the needs of my clients, write an article for you (of course) and keep on top of my very active Facebook group when I received a text message from my late husband’s, a”h, friend, Don, in Florida.

Don is an oncologist who is very health conscious. We – meaning me, my husband, and kids – would kind of joke around back in the day, when we would invite him for Shabbos and he would only eat organic food. That is, the joking went on until I ended up sick over a year ago with this crazy auto-immune disease of my mouth and lost 16 pounds because I was in too much pain to eat. I tried the Gundry diet for a whole year which didn’t work (and it didn’t change my thyroid numbers either) but – interestingly – when I gave up on it, I, too, stayed with organic food as much as possible.

So sometimes your emotional experiences are so powerful that they forever influence your choices. Oddly enough, that was exactly the topic of the text that Don had sent me. It was a link to an interview on Oval Media with a trauma recovery coach, Meredith Miller, whose focus is on relational trauma. Because all of the work that I’ve been sharing with you for some time now is based on the idea of the effects of trauma on people and all the research I had done over the years is in this area, I thought that what Miller would be saying was not going to be new. Yet, I tuned in out of respect for my friend, Don.

But Miller had an unusual take on trauma: We are in the midst of national trauma, she said.

Wow, although what’s in the news bothers me terribly and I have been trying to tune it out, I never thought of this epoch we are in as traumatic. I tuned in to hear more.

Miller began her presentation saying things I could agree with – for example, that you can’t tell an abuse victim that they’re being abused if they feel they still love the person who is abusing them. It doesn’t work because their emotions override the logic and they will simply find explanations for each instance you give them trying to prove they’re being abused.

The same dynamic is happening at a societal level, Miller explains. People want to believe our government is there to protect us. However, when the pandemic hit, our government started a “hypnotic induction” through the use of language, she says. (In the world of hypnosis, many people’s brains are full of chatter that needs to be quieted first, so the therapist would provide a running commentary suggesting a person’s body relax or their thoughts go to a nice place or to some interesting metaphorical story that would capture their attention. That is a hypnotic induction.)

She points out that the term “social distancing” was the beginning of a hypnotic induction into the trance we are in now. How does that work? Those words create cognitive dissonance. (Cognitive dissonance is the emotional experience of some distress when two ideas cannot go together. This discomfort forces a person to change the meaning of at least one of the terms or ideas in their own mind.)

Continuing with her example, “social” implies connection. As humans, we want that connection. She says it makes us feel safe. I’m not so sure about that part, though. For some people, being connected is scary. But it certainly does mean “connection.”

The word “distancing,” of course, is the opposite of connection. This is why the two words, when put together, lead to cognitive dissonance. In order to resolve this uncomfortable feeling, the words must mean something different from what they originally meant. The way that people have been handling this is to go into “denial” that there is a problem with the terminology in the first place.

Another person on the panel was Dr. Reiner Fullmich, a consumer protection attorney. He described an interview he conducted with a Holocaust survivor, Aviva Scharaff, who was discussing the use of euphemisms to mislead people, and he thought that the term “social distancing” is an example of that.

Viviane Fischer was also a panelist. She, too, is an attorney and also an economist. She wanted to know how Miller could compare a love relationship to the relationship citizens have with their government. Miller explained that both relationships begin with love bombing. So, in the case of government, we are receiving economic stimulus money and, some of us, free food. Add to that the government’s assurance that “we want the best for you.”

But there is another part to the abuse cycle, Miller said, and that is the devaluation: “you’re dirty, you’re sick.” Abusers also will pull back their abuse if they see that their victim is coming out of denial by the overwhelming nature of the abuse. So, too, the government has seen people objecting to the lockdowns, so they set people free for a while. But they are cycling back to the abuse now, with lockdowns in many countries.

Fischer was curious to know if Miller thought this whole cycle was intentional and planned. Miller responds with a bit of history that I was not aware of. Apparently, after World War II, the United States brought over hundreds of Nazi scientists and put them to work in government organizations.

(The reason for this step was to be ahead of Russia in the Cold War. Thus, the 1,600 Nazis could be valuable to us. It was called Operation Paperclip.)

She labels the government’s actions a “gaslighting campaign.” (“Gaslight” was the name of a movie out in 1944 in which a husband would move the furniture ever so slightly while his wife was sleeping. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what was happening, so she started to believe she was going crazy.)

Today, the term is used to describe a planned set of actions to make a person doubt their own perception. Miller claims this is being done by the media and social media, for example, by not letting posts appear that differ with their narrative and by de-activating the accounts of scientists and doctors who disagree with it. (For example, Dr. Vladimer Zelenko, a frum doctor who has been suggesting the use of axythromax and ivermectin to treat Covid – which is what I used when I got covid in August – had his social channels shut down. On another interview, he stated that the isolation that was forced on us would create panic and that this was done deliberately so people would follow their government’s requirements.)

Gaslighting makes a person stop trusting their own perceptions, even the signals from their own bodies. In that vein, Fischer pointed out that as a nation we have been highly protective of the right to make decisions ourselves as to what our bodies should experience, yet many people have dropped all that out of fear of losing their jobs.

How do we tolerate all this abuse? One way of resolving the cognitive dissonance of being mistreated as we have been is to give up our own identity and simply take on the group identity. Otherwise, to goit-alone, to think for oneself, means

to leave the safety of the group, and the group will attack and smear individuals who do so. Such individuals need the support of others who are “living in reality.”

Fullmich wanted to know Miller’s opinion as to why the government would do this. Her answer was simple: Just as the case of abusers, it was power and control. The desire is to create a totalitarian society. However – and this is something I’ve seen -- the abuser is doing all this because they do not believe in themselves. They are afraid of being exposed for the mediocre people they feel they are underneath (which, of course, gets back to all the articles I’ve been writing on that topic).

In any case, the bright light here is that Miller believes that more and more people will take personal responsibility to be themselves and believe their own perceptions. Either that, or we will have the darkness of a totalitarian state.

We are in the midst of national trauma, she said.

Dr. Deb Hirschhorn is a Marriage and Family Therapist. If you want help with your marriage, begin by signing up to watch her Masterclass at https://drdeb. com/myw-masterclass.

Health & F tness

How to Lighten Up this Holiday

By Aliza Beer MS, RD, CDN

It’s that time of year again! Chanukah is here, and there is so much excitement in the air. This holiday can be difficult for people trying to lose or maintain their weight because it involves many fried foods and eight days of holiday celebrations.

There are a lot of temptations at this time, and it may be difficult to keep indulgences to a minimum. Chanukah recipes are characterized by fried latkes and jelly-filled donuts. We typically have parties with family and friends and are surrounded by the special foods that symbolize this exciting time of year. I am here to assure you that, with my tips, as well as some willpower, the eight days of Chanukah won’t ruin your progress in achieving a healthy lifestyle. Enjoy this wonderful time surrounded by family and friends.

1. Treat each day of Chanu-

kah like a regular day. Have a proper breakfast, lunch, and snack. Then, when you get to dinner, fill your plate with the unprocessed clean foods you usually eat. During the holidays, people tend to think it’s better to eat very little during the day so that you can eat freely at night. This faulty thinking will only backfire on you, for you will arrive at the Chanukah party famished. This can lead you to overeat and make the wrong choices. Instead, have a filling breakfast, lunch, and snack. Don’t show up to the party with an empty tank. Have a snack like an apple with peanut butter before so you don’t arrive ravenous.

Another good tip is to drink one to two cups of water before the party. The water will act like an appetite suppressant and help the stomach prepare itself to receive the food. If you want to indulge at the party, select one food to try. If it’s a latke, eat just one. If it’s a doughnut, take a small piece and savor it.

If you stick to your usual routine during the day, your body will work more efficiently when you do choose to indulge.

2. Find substitutes for your

Chanukah favorites. Although latkes and doughnuts are appealing and there is certainly room for them in a healthy lifestyle, they are high in fat and refined carbohydrates. These refined carbohydrates and fats will result in blood sugar spikes and only cause more hunger and cravings. Experiment by making healthier versions of latkes such as zucchini, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, or spaghetti squash latkes. They can be a gracious host or hostess gift for a Chanukah party! It’s a clever way to ensure there’s something wholesome for you, your friends, and your family.

Doughnuts can be a tricky Chanukah favorite. Although they taste amazing, they are filled with processed sugars and oils that won’t leave you feeling your best. There are more nutritious doughnuts on the market, and some entrepreneurs in the boutique food industry sell homemade healthier versions throughout Chanukah. Do your research in order to locate and purchase cleaner doughnuts or try a new recipe and you may surprise yourself!

3. Choose one party to treat

yourself. The doughnuts and latkes can be very tempting. Instead of restricting yourself, decide to have a latke, doughnut, or another food that appeals to you at one or two events. This will ensure you don’t feel deprived and will help satisfy your craving in a controlled way. For the other festivities, stick to lean proteins

Try this healthy cauliflower latke recipe!

Ingredients

» 10 oz frozen cauliflower rice, defrosted in microwave for 1 minute » 3 TBS oat flour » 1 small onion, blended in food processor » 2 eggs » 1 TBS avocado oil » Avocado oil spray » 2 turns Trader Joe’s garlic salt » 1 tsp onion powder » 1 tsp garlic powder » 1/4 tsp pepper » 1-2 tsp sea salt and vegetables, combined with fresh fruits for dessert. 4. Don’t eat standing up. It can be difficult to attend a party and not pick at the different foods displayed. However, when we eat standing up, we don’t realize how much we are eating, because it doesn’t register in the brain. This is called mindless eating and can lead to the consumption of thousands of calories without even feeling satisfied.

When you attend a party, make yourself a plate and sit down to eat it. Making a balanced plate and eating while sitting down will help make sure you are satiated.

5. Provide options at your

party. If you’re hosting a Chanukah party this year, it’s a wonderful idea to offer both nutritious and less healthy options to choose from. Buying or preparing a crudité of cut-up vegetables with dips like hummus and techina can be a clean and easy-tomake appetizer perfect for socializing! Having a salad bar is a great idea

Directions

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Combine eggs, avocado oil, oat flour, and spices. Add in blended onion and the defrosted cauliflower rice. Mix well.

Preheat a non-stick skillet and spray with avocado oil spray. Scoop the cauliflower mixture into the hot pan and try to flatten out the mixture.

Pan fry on both sides, about 1-2 minutes a side.

Transfer to a parchment lined baking sheet. Bake in the oven for 6 and a half minutes until they firm up.