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JULY 29, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
I
’I’m totally not the type to put myself out there, I kind of just do my own thing, and so it took me by surprise when I met a guy in camp a few summers back. The relationship started from a conversation about a sefer we both love to learn and spiraled into long discussions which included perspectives on hashkafa, kedushat Eretz Yisroel, and living as a growth-oriented Jew. It was a unique relationship, something completely based on a holy foundation. As naive as I am, I didn’t think anything of it. I enjoyed our conversations, but I knew camp was ending and I’d probably never see him again. There was also no chance that a guy like him would go for a girl like me. After all, he’s Israeli. Yes, all our conversations were in broken English, but it didn’t bother me – it was actually kind of cute how he didn’t mind stumbling over his words in order to talk to me. I could tell he had a heart of gold; he came to camp in America to make an impact and that’s exactly what he did. We kept in touch after camp, he went off to the army (he finished Mechina), and I went off to Stern college. That Sukkot, my family went to Israel, and I met up with him, which turned out to be our first real date. My parents are super chilled. I told them I was going to meet up with him and they were totally OK with it. It was such a great day, we really enjoyed each other’s company but it was also the last time I’d see him because the second I got back to my apartment, my parents shut it down. They said I can’t talk to him anymore, and that this can never work. As upset as I was, I understood where they were coming from and listened. I know they only have my best interests in mind. Fast forward almost two years later, I’ve got some actual dating experience like my parents wanted but nothing really comes close to that relationship. It was really special, and I can’t help but wonder where it would’ve ended up. I don’t want to hurt my parents and so I would never pursue something that they disapprove of but at some point, I’m going to have to draw the line and make my own decisions... I’m going to continue to date Americans and hope the right one comes along but deep down I fear that I’m just wasting my time. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much! Abby
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
