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TJH Centerfold
Politician Roast
* Politicians: can’t live with them, can live without them.
* Never have so few stolen so much from so many to achieve so little.
* Honesty in politics is much like oxygen. The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes.
* Why is it that political leaders don’t seem to have all the answers until they write their memoirs?
* A politician is one who shakes your hand before elections and your confi dence after.
* Little girl: Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with
* The government is sneaky. They raise the tax on alcohol, then make sure that the country is in such a mess that you drink more.
* It’s tough being a politician. Half your reputation is ruined by lies, the other half is ruined by the truth!
* Politicians are mostly people who’d had too little morals and ethics to stay lawyers.
You gotta be kidding
A politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak o to the the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak o to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them.
“What on Earth is he talking about?” they asked.
Riddle me this?
One hundred high-powered politicians are at a party. All of them are either honest or liars. You walk in honest or liars. You walk in knowing two things:
- At least one of them is honest. - If you take any two politicians, at least one of them is a liar.
From this information, how many are liars and how many are many are liars and how many are honest? honest? See answer on opposite page
Famous Debate Lines… Who Said It?
I had a discussion with my daughter Amy the other day before I came here to ask her what the most important issue was. She said she thought the control of nuclear weaponry.
2. Under my plan, I will put Medicare in an ironclad lockbox.
3. I want you to know also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit for political purposes my opponent’s youth and inexperience.
I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.
5. Sorry. Oops.
6. We can no longer aord to be second best. I want people all over the world to look to the United States again, to feel that we’re on the move, to feel that our high noon is in the future.
There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe.
When I hear your new ideas, I’m reminded of that ad, “Where’s the beef?”
I never attacked him or his looks, and believe me, there’s plenty of subject matter right there. A. Walter Mondale B. Gerald Ford C. Jimmy Carter D. Donald Trump E. Rick Perry
F. John F. Kennedy G. Ronald Reagan H. Al Gore I. Lloyd Bentsen
Answers 1-C, President Jimmy Carter in the 1980 debate with Ronald Reagan. 2-H, Al Gore at the 2000 debate with George Bush. 3-G, Ronald Reagan during the 1984 presidential debates when asked if, at 73, he is too old to be president. 4-I, Democratic candidate Lloyd Bentsen in the 1988 vice presidential debate when Dan Quayle likened his political experience to that of John F. Kennedy. 5- E, Texas Gov. Rick Perry during the 2012 Republican primary debate after he spent 52 cringeworthy seconds trying to remember the name of a governmental department that he promised to close. 6-F, John F. Kennedy in the 1960 presidential debate with Richard Nixon. 7- B, Gerald Ford during the 1976 debate against Jimmy Carter. 8-A, Walter Mondale during the 1984 Democratic presidential primary debate 9- D, Donald Trump during the 2016 Republican primary debate when he was accused of attacking Sen. Rand Paul
of them is a liar.” So the rest of them, 99 of them, are liars. the other politician must be a liar to satisfy the second piece of information, “If you take any two politicians, at least one One of them is honest, satisfying the fi rst piece of information. Then if you take the honest man and any other politician, One is honest and 99 are liars. Answer to Riddle:
