MEN’S HEALTH

MEN’S HEALTH & WELLNESS

BY: BENSON FOX

Benson Fox practices as a certified transformation coach and specializes in helping Jewish men achieve higher levels of balance, joy, and confidence. He is a Psychology major and a Psychology Doctoral student at Adelphi University. He runs the 500 member Facebook group: Jewish Men for Joy, Balance, and Growth. Go to coachbensonfox.com or results@coachbensonfox. com for a free consultation.

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“Jealousy is a form of hatred built upon instability.”

Through these seemingly clever phrases, society has idealized language that makes negative emotions into symptoms that are to be feared, seen as problematic, and eliminated.

In the interest of “moving on” and “not living in your past,” we must disown, repress, and skip over the process of processing our emotions. I have found that our relationship with our dichotomous parts such as negative emotions and pain is often what defines people’s lives for good and otherwise.

When you experience negativity that contradicts the narrative of how you would like your life to be, do you deny it exists, immediately and reflexively push it away, or do you welcome it, seek to understand it and receive its communication?

One way to work on becoming more open to the latter approach is to start noticing the language that people use every day that reflects this collective unconscious of seeing the parts we do not like in ourselves as an enemy to be defeated. Begin to notice the hyper-positivity of “just smile” campaigns and the extreme discomfort in letting your uncomfortable emotions surface.

While it is true that imbalance can lead one to balance or the Rambam’s and Aristotle’s “Golden Mean,” we must not confuse the process with the result. The purpose of hyper-positivity campaigns should not be to establish a state of constant positivity, but to help someone who is too negative find a better balance between the negative and positive aspects of himself.

When you are feeling sad, anxious, or mad, are you allowed to just be in it, or do you or others reflexively attempt to shut down or distract from these uncomfortable feelings? Do those around you try to cheer you up so that you feel good again, or do they help you navigate through it?

Let’s get very comfortable with sitting with our most scary, painful, and uncomfortable parts by recognizing that all they want is for you to be protected and happy. Let’s become more sensitive to language that perpetuates these destructive and divisive myths about the “badness” of our “negative” parts.