healthy families
The Meaningful Marriage Manual
by Debbie Selengut
MEANINGFUL MINUTE
Dear Readers, The responsibility of writing an article about marriage is scary because although my goals are to talk about what is great in marriage, and discuss many positive ways in which we can enhance our marriages, I realize that this topic might cause pain to women who are struggling. Possibly, if someone is going through a difficult time, they might feel like the mountain is too hard to climb. The last thing I would want to do is cause anyone pain. My belief is, though, that any step in the right direction, no matter how small you think it is, will have a positive outcome, even if only you see it.
November Issue
I also appreciate our diversity. If we are married, then by definition we share commonalities, but each one of our lives are going to look different from each other.
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Through these articles, my hope is that you each
realize how blessed you are, and learn how to create an even better, closer, more satisfying relationship. And for some, it brings to the forefront where our work is. I would like to use the platform of this article to highlight and hopefully shed some light on the day-to-day components of marriage—what we would call “life.” When thinking of a starting point, I decided to look at something that I believe we all struggle with at some point (or points), and that is the very human tendency we have to compare. We can’t help it. It’s very easy to look at another couple and feel like in some way they have it better, communicate better, look better together, have more fun, work as a team better.
Remember when you went to camp? Remember color war, watching the other team and seeing them looking so “busy,” so energized, what is everybody doing? We have no idea what is going on with any couple or inside any other relationship. We can feel a lot of pressure from what we perceive, and then in turn put a lot of pressure on ourselves, on our husbands, on our children… Let’s think about that. Realize that people show us the slice of life that they want us to see. I want to attach a small, attainable goal. I love the ability to create a new habit, and attaching the exercise to an activity that we do regularly helps it become a habit. Take something that happens daily—i.e., brushing your teeth, driving a carpool, dropping off a baby at a babysitter—and attach to that “event” a minute of thought in which we can focus on something about our husbands we are grateful for. So, let’s say, as I wash the breakfast dishes each day, I will think about one positive thing about my husband, or something that he did for me that I appreciate. Looking forward to the journey, Mrs. Debbie Selengut
Mrs. Debbie Selengut serves as an assistant principal in Bnos Bracha of Passaic. She serves as a consultant in schools and does teacher/new teacher training. She is a graduate of the Yesod Ma’ala New York Regional Fellowship of Principals, a division of Torah Umesorah. She teaches post-high school education, pre-marriage education, parenting and adult education courses. She is married to Rabbi Dovid Selengut, a rebbe at Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy, and a therapist in private practice. She is a mother and grandmother.
