“CHEAP THRILLS”
Awareness Wristbands
Page 14
SHOP OUR FULL LINE
FUN THAT WON’T COST YOU AN ARM AND A LEG.
Seems like everything’s a little more expensive these days… whether it’s my favorite store-brand hot dogs or the cost of doggy daycare for my darling pooch Barfbag, a dollar just doesn’t go as far as it used to.
Introducing Cheap Thrills: a new collection of highvalue products that anyone can afford—even that uncle of yours who lives in a van down by the river.
The fine folks at Whiskey River (that’s us) have decided to offer up their dead-clever machinations on products that won’t break the bank, or your sister Mandy’s third arm again. And at under a ten-spot, all these nifty newbies will likely sell themselves.
AIR FRESHENERS
Hey, what stinks? Not you, now that you have your very own air freshener to haul around. With any luck, people will quit running for the hills when you open your mouth to say something… Or ya know, you could start brushing your teeth a little more often. Either works!
Air Fresheners:
Designed-in-USA air fresheners with two-sided backer cards and scents to match each unique concept.
Air freshener size: 3 ⅓″ W × 4 ⅓″ H. Package size: 3 ¾″ W × 9″ H.
Double-sided, full-color. Sold in packs of 4.
JUMBO SHRIMP
THE WEIRD KID SCISSORS
KINDERGARTEN GLUE SCENT
F-LEFTY
“OUT OF MANY, ONE.”
Abraham Lincoln A Lefty
OLD-SCHOOL LIP BALM TINS
Problem: It’s difficult keeping your lips moisturized with all the boring lip balms available today. Solution: Whiskey River Lip Balm Tins. ’Nuff said.
Old-School Lip Balm Tins: Made-in-USA lip balm tins. 5 different flavors: vanilla, mint, blue raspberry, cherry, and original. Lip balm tin size: 3 ½″ W × 3″ H. Sold in packs of 40.
THE “DON’T GIMME NO LIP” BALM
Face it, lips are the eyes to the hole. Pie hole, that is. And if you’re a constant yapper like me, yapping at everyone you meet on the street, you’re gonna want to keep your pie hole freshly lubed. Trust me on this one. Back in ’02 I almost lost my lips debating the merits of cremation over mummification with my nowdeceased parole officer Tim. You do not want to detail the ancient Egyptian embalming method with lips like coarsegrit sand paper. And I know what you’re thinking, “but lip balms have no personality,” and you’re right, up until now. A stylish chap like you needs lip balm that reflects your unique attitude. That’s where we come in. We now present “Don’t Gimme No Lip Balm” for your Oscars consideration.
Old-School Lip Balm
Tins Set A (Explicit):
4 units of each lip balm tin style; a total of 40 lip balm tins. Ships in counter-top display box.
VANILLA FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
LIP-A
Old-School Lip Balm Tins CounterTop Display Box: Sturdy paperboard POP display holds 40 lip balm tins and is included with each lip balm collection. Display box size: 4 ¼″ W × 5 ⅜″ D × 6 ½″ H.
LEGENDARY LIP BALM
When we were kids the air was a little fresher and the lip balm was a little sweeter. I guess that’s ’cause they used cane sugar instead of corn syrup back then—or maybe it had something to do with the radiation from all that nuclear testing… Either way, we felt there was something missing from the balms on display at our local five and dime. So we set off on a mission to bring the world a taste of what we remember from the good ol’ days: Old-School Lip Balm Tins. We scoured Aunt Bobbi’s attic and the local flea markets for the perfect tin design: something that said ‘vintage chic,’ with a hint of ‘I survived Watergate.’ We combed through the archives to develop flavors so authentic you could swear you’re kissing your high school sweetheart at the county fair—minus the awkward braces. And we delved into the depths of our nostalgia-soaked psyche to bring you full-color, soft touch labels that recall those halcyon days when you could get a lip balm for a nickle and the world seemed just a little nicer. -Grandma Boo
Old-School Lip Balm
Tins Set B (Clean):
4 units of each lip balm tin style; a total of 40 lip balm tins. Ships in counter-top display box.
LIP-B
VANILLA FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
VANILLA FLAVOR
MINT FLAVOR
BLUE RASPBERRY FLAVOR
CHERRY FLAVOR
ORIGINAL FLAVOR
AWARENESS BANDS
Not just for disgraced former pro cyclists anymore… Our new Awareness Bands can be worn by anyone with something to say.
Awareness Wristbands: Made-in-USA silicone wristbands with debossed and ink-filled lettering.
Dimensions: ½″ H × 4″ D. Sold in packs of 44. Ships in counter-top display box.
BE AWARE BANDS
Some people just never seem to be aware of what’s going on around them… You know the type, the person who misses their bus stop or holds up traffic, sitting at a green light daydreaming. Now you can help them out with our new Be Aware Bands bracelets! No longer will the unaware among us have to wonder if you’re a Dog Person or whether you’re already “Peopled Out” for the day. Your wrist will tell the story loud and clear. You’re welcome.
Awareness Wristbands Set A (Clean):
2 units of each awareness band style; a total of 44 wristbands. Ships in counter-top display box.
BAND-A
BEWARE BANDS
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little… “prickly”? Are you the kind of person people might describe as “difficult,” or an “unpredictable bitch”? We can relate.
Presenting our new Beware Bands silicone bracelets. Now you can be reminded of your hard-earned infamy every time you look down at your wrist. We think that’s pretty great, and if you don’t agree… well you can piss off, ya bloody wanker.
Awareness Wristbands
Set B (Explicit):
2 units of each awareness band style; a total of 44 wristbands. Ships in counter-top display box.
BAND-B
DISPLAYS FOR DAYS…
Awareness Bands
Counter-Top Display:
Sturdy paperboard POP display holds 44 awareness bands and is included with each collection. Display size: 6″ W × 6″ D × 9 ½″ H.
BAND-DISP
Psst… there’s a Be Aware Bands display too, in case you were wondering.
SOAP & CANDLES
They’re the original hot ticket. Need we say more? Didn’t think so.
Classic Soap Bars:
Handmade vegan soap designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label. Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.
Duo Candles:
Always hand-poured and made with our exclusive blend of 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap. Dimensions: 4″ D × 2 ½″ H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.
SHOP THE COLLECTION
THE “COOL” BOSS
FREE CANDY SCENT
D Office pranks
D Casual attitude
D Not a damn tyrant
SOAP BOS-S
CANDLE BOS-C
THE GARDEN GODDESS
GARDEN OF EDEN SCENT
D Beautiful begonias
D Perfect peonies
D Gorgeous gardenias
SOAP GAR-S
CANDLE GAR-C
HIPPIE CHICKS
TIE DYE DREAMS SCENT
D Promotes long hair
D Inspires jewelry making
D Has festival tickets
SOAP HCX-S
CANDLE HCX-C
PEOPLE FROM OHIO
CORN ON THE COB SCENT
D O-H!
D … I-O!
D Mating calls?
SOAP OHI-S
CANDLE OHI-C
MAMA TRIED
YOU’RE A PEACH SCENT
D To raise you better
D To steer you right
D Hey, she tried.
SOAP TRY-S
CANDLE TRY-C
TERMS & CONDITIONS
ORDER MINIMUMS:
Opening order: $200
Re-orders: $150
PAYMENT TERMS:
New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash, or credit card. Established accounts: Net 30 upon approval. Credit references must be submitted at time of request.
CONDITIONS OF CREDIT:
All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from date shipped. A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, pre-payment may be required. Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Company all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law. Whiskey River Soap Company reserves the right to revoke credit terms after 3 late payments.
PAYMENT:
Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, or ACH bank transfers.
CANCELLATIONS:
Orders may be canceled at any time. For orders already completed and ready to ship at the time of cancellation, a 25% restocking fee will be charged.
SHIPPING:
Domestic orders shipped via UPS Ground unless otherwise specified. Fantasy Destination Jigsaw Puzzles are excluded from free or discounted freight promotions. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of Whiskey River Soap Company.
CLAIMS:
Any claims for damaged or misshipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with photos of product, tracking number, and outer carton.
RETURNS:
Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received
beyond the 30-day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer, except in case of mis-shipped merchandise.
PRICING:
All prices are subject to the real object and may change without notice. This catalog and corresponding order form’s pricing supersedes all others. Current prices are effective from June 15, 2024.
A NOTE ABOUT OUR PRODUCTS:
Soap and candles are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque. All our soaps and candles are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation.
INGREDIENTS:
Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter. The basic ingredients (printed on each label) are: coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, and fragrance.
HEY, HANDS OFF MY BALMS!
Old-School Lip Balm Tins Page 10