BRACE YOURSELF FOR SOME PESSIMIST STORIES TWO YEARS IN THE MAKING. DARN YOU COVID-19. ACUOPTIMIST.COM | Thursday, April 1, 2021 | 1
RILEY FISHER | SCHUBERT’S NO. 1 FAN
Dr. Schubert stares at the COVID-19 virus with the intent to kill on sight. Truly nothing can stop this man from accomplishing his task.
Schubert cures COVID-19 by saying, “Hey Wildcats” BY A LONGHORN FAN... PAIN. EXECUTIVE FANBOY
Dr. Phil Schubert, the president of the university, said in a campus-wide email that he’s been informed COVID-19 is no match to his own words. “Hey Wildcats. I just wanted to let our incredible faculty, staff and students know that I’ve been working behind the scenes to
keep the coronavirus away from as many as people as possible on our campus this semester,” Schubert said. “This virus has impacted so many people across the world, but I’ll make sure I do my part to keep everyone safe.” In completely reliable information obtained by the Optimist, Schubert has been quoted saying, “Hey Wildcats” 1,968 times in
the past three months by the local community. Schubert said that every time he would say “Hey Wildcats”, active cases would drop at ACU. “I know it sounds a bit crazy, but that’s exactly the kind of crazy we need on campus,” Schubert said. “Just know that we’ll be taking the fight to the virus now.” The virus was last spotted
leaving the university and headed towards the Siggie Social afterparty. “The new vaccines and so much social distancing has made things difficult for us. Then Schubert became another problem for us,” the virus said. “I’m just glad we got a chance to catch up with some students off campus.” The university estimates that Schubert has saved
countless lives by his numerous emails to campus that start with “Hey Wildcats” every single time. Schubert said that he wanted to deliver a statement to the ACU community about where the university will be headed going forward. “Hey Wildcats. Hey Wildcats. Hey Wildcats. Hey Wildcats. Hey Wildcats. Hey Wildcats.”
Adams Center ‘Mingles’ LMS with with singles service BY HAL HOOTS ASSISTANT EDITOR OF GOSSIP
ACU has a long tradition experts at the Adams Center for Teaching Excellence, which manages the university’s teaching and learning software, have made an important technological breakthrough designed to improve the student experience. They have successfully integrated Canvas, the university’s learning
management system, with online dating system Christian Mingle. Dr. Berlin Fang, director of instructional design, said Canvas has long integrated external websites like Google Docs and YouTube, but the Christian Mingle was a more significant challenge. “You can talk all day about learning outcomes and assessment measures,” Fang said. “But what about Ring by Spring? Now we can
do both!” Christian Mingle will be an available selection under “Inbox” on the Canvas dashboard, allowing students to access potential dates easily. In addition, Fang said a new built-in algorithm will select ideal dates for students based on major, diligence turning in assignments and courseload. Fang said the software with throttle those suggestions for students who are struggling in
their classes. “If a student has below a 65 in any class, they won’t be able to access the dating site,” Fang said. “It’s Canvas’ way of saying, ‘You need to hit the books.’” Jasmine Carson, a junior nursing major from Lamesa, said she welcomed the addition of Christian Mingle to Canvas. “I’ve been doing so many of my classes online since the pandemic started already, this is
going to be so convenient,” Carson said. “The best thing I’ve heard about it is the feature that allows you use Canvas to date by Zoom.” Fang said the integration, which allows students to quickly switch from turning in homework and reading assignments to finding available dating partners required significant coding. He said he turned for collaboration to his
counterparts at other Texas universities who have been pursuing similar projects with Canvas. “The most helpful were the folks at Texas State,” Fang said. “Of course, they were connecting to Tinder.”fact that we were able to do a short film at all was a blessing. It is possible to maintain a normal life in COVID, and that’s the biggest thing I’ll take from this process.”
Joe Golding confirms he will star on Dancing with the Stars BY #1 FAN OF JOE ACTUALLY IT’S PAUL
Instead of dancing in March Madness, the Wildcats are now dancing with the stars. Head basketball coach Joe Golding has confirmed that he will participate in this season of “Dancing with the Stars” after multiple videos of him dancing with the team went viral online. “I figured since I was dancing with the guys, might as well put me on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’” Golding said, “So I talked to Wendy Kilmer to see if it was possible, and she said she could make it happen. So she got in touch with ABC, and before I knew it, I got a call from Tom Bergeron saying to pack my bags for Los Angeles.” Joe Golding joins a star-studded cast including Jennifer Lopez, Shakira and Ryan Reynolds. There have also been unconfirmed reports that University of Texas alumnus Matthew McCo-
COURTESY OF WE’VE ALL ALREADY SEEN THIS VIDEO
Joe Golding dancing on the advertisment for Dancing with the Stars. Watch out Shakira, his hips don’t lie and he’s ready to tear it up on the dance floor. naughey might join in order to enact revenge over ACU’s win over the Longhorns during March. One member of the ACU community who is thrilled about Golding’s dancing break is Dr. Phil Schubert,
president of the university. “I’m so excited to see the marketing opportunities from Joe going on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’” Schubert said. “We are expecting a higher marking value than March Madness, so that’s exciting for the
university as a whole.” When Golding’s appearance was confirmed, ACU’s Student Government Association already started planning a watch party at Wildcat Stadium. One that, according to
SGA president Daniel Sherman, will be just as successful as previous watch parties. “We hope that all students will come out to support Coach Golding as he pursues this one-of-a-kind opportunity,” Sherman said. “SGA has been filled with excitement ever since the announcement was made, so we are looking forward to celebrating his accomplishment, and might even give away some Airpods.” Though the show is not scheduled to air for a little while, Golding is looking forward to making his players proud. “I’m pretty stoked about this, I’m not gonna lie,” Golding said. “My players taught me everything that I know, so I hope I can make them proud while on the show.” To follow Joe Golding’s journey on “Dancing with the Stars,” you can follow ACU Sports’, the men’s basketball teams’ and ABC’s Twitter.
NEWS
University mandate requires post vaccination selfies
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SPORTS
Coach Goodenough to change name to Greatenough PAGE 5
SPORTS
ACU drops football, focus on basketball
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