Pawsatively Furtastic Welcome to “Pets and the City 2023
Throughout the years I have had many friends and boyfriends. Many have come and gone. Who hasn’t left my side are my puppies. I’ve had four in my lifetime and now my best friend is Olive Juice. Olive is always happy to see me when I come home. She lays with me and follows me everywhere. She never talks back. She asks very little and gives back so much more. She gives unconditional love—something people could learn from our pet friends.
This issue puts the spotlight on our loyal companions. Check out some of our readers and their furry friends. Thank you to Ivan Lugo, owner of Lugari Pet Salon in Scottsdale for sponsoring this feature. Schedule an appointment with Lugari Pet Salon; they’ll make your pooch (or cat) look like a million dollars. We raised money for Arizona Animal Welfare League, a non-profit, no kill shelter. If you are interested in donating, go to AAWL.org
Another way ION gives back to our readers is through our are ticket giveaways. We’re running contest for two tickets to Madonna, P!NK, Reba, Sam Smith, Dixie Longate and Janet Jackson, just to name a few. To enter any of these contests, simply e-mail us at IONarizona@me.com and put the name of the concert contest you want to enter in the SUBJECT line.
Good luck!
Everything’s in swing! Check out the many amazing events coming up in March! We have Melrose Street Fair on Saturday, March 4, Pride Run on Sunday, March 18, one•n•ten Fresh Brunch on Sunday, March 19, Aunt Rita’s new Saturday, AIDS Walk Festival is Saturday, March 25, and it’s the Renaissance Festival’s last month. Plan for Arizona Theatre Company’s “Pride Night” for Pru Payne on Thursday, April 6. Check out all the great events in this issue.
That’s it for me and Olive Juice. Get out, have some fun, and enjoy this issue. Be safe and give your furry friends a big hug!
Jack M. Tesorero Furry Friend LoverAPP | SOCIAL | VIDEO | MAGAZINE
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ION SAZERAC
Dixie Longate makes a big bang with her new show.
By Deon BrownThe Heart of Dixie
Southern firecracker and wisecracker Dixie Longate knows something about everything from “breakfast vodka” to “tornadoes and thongs.” Dixie’s shows attract 52,000 to 78,000 folks every year. She’s bringing her new show, “Cherry Bombs & Bottle Rockets” to Chandler Center for the Arts, and baby, she’s a firework, and lets her colors burst like the Fourth of July.
ION: You’ve been the world’s number one Tupperware salesperson since 2007. Is that still true?
Dixie: So I’ve been number one in the whole company two different times, but there’s bigger fish fry and that’s why I decided to work on some new stuff.
ION: 12 years after “Dixie Longate’s Tupperware Party” began it was still running and had become one of the longest running off-Broadway tours in American theater history.
Dixie: Isn’t that crazy? Doesn’t it make you just want to punch a cat in the face when you hear just stuff like that? I cain’t even believe it!
ION: If you had one piece of advice to offer about food storage solutions, what would it be?
Dixie: Well, alcohol never goes bad, so you can store that in any one of our Tupperware products. But you know what? I didn’t know it was for the kitchen! My reverend came in one Thursday. He’s like, “What’s all that Tupperware doing under the bed?” And I’m like, “Why are you in the bedroom? It’s not Tuesday, Reverend!” or whatever, and then I was like, “Oh! You can use it in the kitchen?” So I cleaned it all up, and I was, like, “This is the best food storage crap in the world!” There are a million uses for things that you never even knew you didn’t know!
ION: What’s your favorite flavor of breakfast vodka?
Dixie: You always need some breakfast vodka near you. I find putting a little lemon in it perks it right up; it’s good for alkalizing the blood. It just has that whisper of vodka flavor to it. If you put a lemon in it, then you get some of that extra pulp in your mouth—and it’s always good to have something in your mouth—you’re like, “Oh, that’s surprising!” You know what I mean.
ION: You and your children are living in your trailer in Mobile, Alabama. Correct?
Dixie: I have so many friends there that I can go away, and just tether my kids to the front door and my neighbors check on ‘em.
ION: There’s been a lot of tornadoes in Alabama. How did you survive?
Dixie: See, this is one of the things that you learn real quick: let all the air out of your trailer’s tires, staple gun it to the yard, and put a stake in the side corner where the baby’s room is, and stick it right to the ground so it’s harder for the hurricane to get underneath and pick you up and shake you like it’s mad at you. It’s always the trailers that are up on blocks or on their tires that get taken away.
ION: Is it a one-wide or double-wide?
Dixie: Oh, listen, I’m classy, I live in a double-wide. I don’t even have to go outside to go to the bathroom no more. I’ve edged up in life.
ION: You have three ex-husbands. Why are you single now?
Dixie: Yes. Lord, I am single and thankfully I’m staying that way. You know how you do, you’re sitting there drinking and somebody just flirts up with you and they’re like, “Hey, I want to get married” and stick a ring on your finger and you’re, like, “Oh, that looks pretty. I think I’ll take that”? I’ve sworn it off. I say, “Why milk the cow when you can get a cow from a milk for free” … or however that goes.
ION: You’re a lusty gal. Do you have a man in every port when you go on tour?
Dixie: I do not. I have people that will always open their door to me wherever I go, sometimes they’re like, “Hey, you don’t even have to jump up on the trampoline that I’m going to pull out and have sex with me, you can just come in and have a cocktail!” and I’m like, “You are so gracious, Senator,” or whatever. I’ve been able to find ports in the storms, but those ports don’t always get blown into. Know what I mean?
ION: Do you have any advice for single folks here in the greater metropolitan Phoenix area?
Dixie: Absolutely. Stay single. It’s better and it’s easier, then you can court people and go on dates, and then they’ll buy drinks for you and you don’t gotta pay for it. That’s the best thing about datin’. You just say, “Oh, I can’t date you anymore. I don’t speak English,” or, “I have a headache,” and walk away. You don’t have to roll over out of bed in the morning and be, like, “Oh, damn it, who’s he?” and committed to somebody that you don’t even remember meeting the night before. It’s just a hassle.
ION: You have amazing video greetings on Cameo.com.
Dixie: When I started on Cameo I thought, “What a great way to be able to connect with people!” There’s a form that you fill out about who folks want me to wish a happy birthday or happy parole to, or, “I’m glad you got that fungus taken care of,” whatever. So I see how I can relate it to me, and help them do things better, get rid of that rash, whatever it is, because I’m a giver.
ION: What’s is your greatest strength?
Dixie: The fact that there are millions of words in the English language and most of them are in my mouth, and they come out fast. My greatest strength is to connect with people and find anything to talk to about. I think the world needs a bit of a hug these days. In this day and age of social media and texting, people spend so much less time connecting, even though we have so many more platforms with which to connect. I love to be able to find ways to connect in real time with people through words, through conversation. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, but that’s how I look at it.
ION: Do you prefer boxers, bikinis, briefs, or thongs?
Dixie: Well, if I’m around the trailer, I just wear usually nothing but an oversized t-shirt. If I don’t want to have that unsightly panty line I wear them thongs so that way when I’m walking down the street, everybody from the auto body shop can look at me and be like, “Oh yes, there she goes.” And I say, “Yes, I know, I can’t help it!” I don’t want them looking at my panty labels or looking at this big ol’ wide elastic sticking out everywhere or huggin’ my ass, so I wear thongs that cut right up my butt. Cain’t help it, that’s the truth.
ION: A day in your shoes or a day in your thong?
Dixie: Well, listen, a day in my thong, well, then we’d have to wash it out in the sink and it can get all gummy, especially if you’re in a hot weather place. And, oh, that’s just gonna lead to infection stuff. Never enough salve to get rid of that!
ION: Tell us about your new show, “Cherry Bombs & Bottle Rockets,” and what can we expect when we see you at Chandler Center for the Arts?
Dixie: I’m so stinking excited! During the pandemic I decided, you know what? I wanna write something new. I look at it this way: everybody has gone through—whether they recognize it or not—a kind of a fundamental change these last couple years. You can’t possibly be the same person you was before the pandemic; everything around you has kind of shifted a little bit, and so I wanted to write a show talking about that, celebrating the people, the way they are now, and then giving them some incentive to reach for something that they’d never thought of reaching for.
I boil it down to, “You can be a cherry bomb in your life or you can be a bottle rocket. You can be something that just makes a big noise and scares all the critters or you can be something that soars up into the air and lights the sky for other people to follow the path behind you.” I’m hoping that my show and my stories inspire people to go out there and be a bottle rocket and be something amazing for the rest of the world to see.
Put on your best panties and don’t miss Dixie Longate’s “Cherry Bombs and Bottle Rockets.”
Thursday, March 16 at 7 p.m.
Chandler Center for the Arts
250 N. Arizona Ave. in Chandler
Get your tix at ChandlerArts.org or call 480-782-2660
You might even win a Tupperware sippy cup!
PHX ATTRACTIONS
Brides of March at Charlie’s
Pretend you’re a virgin! Put on your bridal best at this party & bar crawl complete with a wedding cake, champagne toast. No grooms allowed! Wedding bells will chime at Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. For more info go to CharliesPHX.com
Saturday, March 11 at 12 noon
Beards & Kilts for the Queer Center
Show off those sexy kilts and whiskers and check out the Gearage Sale! RipplePHX will provide HIV testing. Portion of the proceeds to benefit the Queer Center, find out more at QueerCenternet Search for the event on Facebook. Anvil, 2424 E. Thomas Rd.
Saturday, March 11 from 4-7 p.m.
Pride Run & Health Expo
Tie your shoelaces, and run or walk in this half marathon, 10K or 5K event through the Melrose District. Stick around for the celebration party, and Health & Wellness Expo at Stacy’s@Melrose. Everyone’s welcome! (Except pets.) For more info and registration check out PrideRunPhoenix.com
Saturday, March 18 from 8 a.m.-3 p.m.
one•n•ten Fresh Brunch
If you believe that children are our future, make room at the table for the baby gays! Have a little quiche and a Bloody Mary, because one•n•ten is staging their annual fundraiser at JW Marriott Desert Ridge. For information and tickets visit onenten.org
Sunday, March 19
AIDS Walk Arizona
Keep on the shoes you wore for Pride Run. You’ll need ‘em for the 15th Annual AIDS Walk Health & Wellness Festival. Proceeds support Aunt Rita’s member agencies. Tempe Beach Park, 80 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. in Tempe. For more info and registration go to AIDSWalkAZ.org
Saturday, March 25 from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.
Rainbow Skate
It’s back! Get your wheels ready for the rink! $15 entry gets you 2.5 hours of skating, traditional skate/roller blade rental, and wrist guards. Benefiting Phoenix Pride Community Foundation. On the East Side at Skateland Chandler, 1101 W. Ray Rd. in Chandler. Everyone’s welcome!
Thursday, March 30, 5:30 p.m.-8 p.m.
Rainbows Festival & Street Fair
Celebrate LGBTQ diversity. Discover businesses, services, clubs, organizations, churches, plus top notch national and some really good local entertainment. Lady Bunny headlines at Heritage Square Park on Monroe & 7th St. in Phoenix. For more info visit PhoenixPride.org
Saturday & Sunday, April 1-2
The Easter Pig at The Bunkhouse
Get ready for a day and night filled with festivities, raffles, food and oinky fun! The Easter Pig himself will be on hand, selling Easter Pig Eggs. All proceeds will go to the non-profit Abbey of the Wayward Spirit (see AWSAZ.org) The Bunkhouse is at 4428 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix.
Saturday, April 1 at 9 p.m.
ION PRIT BOWLING
What do dogs do on their day off? They can’t just lie around … that’s their job
On a recent Saturday — when their humans friends had the day off — they hightailed it over to Hance Park and posed for ION Arizona’s 14th annual “Pets and the City” feature, and making a donation to the Arizona Animal Welfare League, a non-profit, no-kill shelter. Find out more about them at AAWL.com
The year’s feature of pets and their people is sponsored by Lugari Pet Salon in Scottsdale. They provide full-service grooming for dogs (and cats, too) because they believe “Every Pet Deserves Celebrity Care.” You’ll find them at 7901 E. Thomas Rd. in Scottsdale.
Find out how you can make your special pet pals more glamorous. Visit LugariPet.net and find out what they have to offer.
Ivan Lugo with Hera & HermèsRalphy Thomas & Lola
Drew, Matthew, Chola & Coco
R.J. Apana, Diego & Ginger
Mark, Johnny, Molly & Bandit
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
BS West T Girl Revue (W)
Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W) Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
Sazerac Karaoke (W) Sazerac Karaoke (W)
BS West Drag Bingo (W)
BS West T Girl Revue (W)
Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)
Sazerac Karaoke (W)
BS West Drag Bingo (W)
Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)
Grant, Anthony & Harold
BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)
BS West Visionairies (W)
Roosevelt Row First Friday (M)
Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)
7th Ave & Indian School Rd. Melrose Street Fair
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W)
Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)
Location TBD PHX Takeover (M)
Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)
BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)
BS West Visionairies (W)
Chandler Center for the Arts Dixie Longate
BS West Elements (W)
Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)
Charlie’s Brides of March
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
Charlie’s Linebackers & Lipsticks
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W)
Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)
BS West Elements (W)
Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)
BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)
Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)
Skateland Chandler Rainbow Skate 2023
Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)
Tempe Beach Park AIDS Walk
Charlie’s Miss Gay Phoenix America
Heritage Square Park Rainbows Festival
Renaissance Festival Renaissance Festival (W)
ION CHARLIE’S
The (Almost) Real, (Almost)
By Deon Brown(Almost) True Adventures of Johnny Ford
The hustle happens in Joel Michael Anderson’s short film Doxy.
About ten years ago Joel Michael Anderson was a familiar face in bars and clubs around Phoenix. Sometimes he’d land on top of a boy box, dancing.
Anderson graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in Structural Engineering, eventually earning a Masters. After earning his diploma, he moved to the City of the Angels … and the Land of a few Demons, too. Following a series of setbacks, Anderson decided to put his moneymaker back to work as a go-go boy, then entering the world of blue movies as “Johnny Ford.”
Moviemaking always attracted Anderson. He expands and explores the seamy underbelly of gay sex work in his first major short film Doxy, slang for “prostitute.” This imagined cinéma vérité style documentary follows horny hero Johnny Ford (Anderson, using his nom-de-porn) as he hustles over the span of a single evening with go-go dancing, and–with rent due–drumming up dat coin as a “gentleman of the evening” parlaying work in the world’s oldest profession into cash.
“I wrote the script in two days after I got the idea. I shot it entirely myself on my phone. Shooting and editing took four months working on it myself in my free time,” Anderson said. “I relied on the bare-bones level of production to be able to manage it myself because I wanted the directing, editing and scoring to show exactly my own vision.”
Johnny’s sexploits help serve as a cautionary tale, exploring substance abuse, exploitation, and other issues plaguing the industry.
“I realized I could use the character ‘Johnny Ford’ and the homemade style of blogger content,” Anderson related. “Whereas most bloggers are trying to be reality TV stars and brag about their lives, I thought I could tell a vulnerable, cathartic story.”
So where does Joel Michael Anderson end and “Johnny Ford” begin?
“Johnny is a method-acted character meant to be a cocky, haphazard partying playboy who hides behind sex. It comes from real feelings that I believe many will relate to, but I’ve always had the foresight to avoid the worst that he gets into,” Anderson explained. “Johnny is, of course, an exaggeration—all himbo, no intellect.”
Trading sex appeal for money comes in many forms, Anderson posits. “It’s good work for many, but a dangerous hustle,” he said. “Hopefully, with DOXY—a fun, sexy exposé on the risks of sex work—we can talk more openly about it. Society’s inability to talk about sex work leaves many workers in the dark for resources on sexual health, warnings about drug culture and other risks, and the realities of the mental struggle of sex work.”
A 20-minute long fictional story exploring very real consequences, DOXY illustrates why it’s important to destigmatize sex work, and keep it safe. “Society treats sex workers like something is wrong with them and they’re not a normal, valuable human being. If everything was great, and everyone had their dream job, there would still be people choosing to do sex work,” Anderson concluded. That’s why we will always have doxies.
In From The Side
When an handsome injured rugby player from the A-team is selected to play with the Bs as part of his recovery, tensions are already high. Suspicion turns to physical lust and personal loyalties are stretched as they try to conceal the steamy affair, not only from their own partners but also their teammates. Emotional. Muddy. Sweaty. Hot!
ION STREAMING
Teen Wolf: The Movie
MTV’s 2011 series about, well, a teen werewolf gets a reboot. Starring the now sexually fluid, crookedfaced Tyler Posey as the lupine “Scott McCall,” yummy Colton Haynes, ASU alum Tyler Hoechlin, and other openly gay characters & co-stars. Expect lots of homoerotic overtones and sexy gay stuff. Hopefully.
Queer Classics Not To Be Missed
Brush up your queer movie history database. 1962 hag horror classic Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? is a treat. The 1980 leather kink gay underground psycho-murder thriller Cruising shocked America. 1982 West German-French Englishlanguage dreamlike arthouse film Querelle directed by Rainer Werner Fassbinder and starring Brad Davis is a “must.”
ION ARTS
Dixie Longate
This bawdy, lusty, Tupperware totin’ tootsie from the Heart of Dixie brings her own heapin’ helpin’ of Southern hospitality to the stage in an uproarious one-gal show you won’t want to miss, darlin’! Chandler Center of the Arts, 250 N. Arizona Ave. Tix: 480-782-2680 or go to ChandlerCenter.org You might even win a Sippy Cup!
Thursday, March 16 at 7 p.m.
Desert Overture
Who care’s if Mercury’s in retrograde? Desert Overture, the Valley’s premiere LGBT and Ally Wind Ensemble with over 50 musicians presents What’s Your Sign? Music of the Zodiac. It’s a cosmic celebration, baby! Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. in Tempe. Get your tickets at DesertOverture.org
Sunday, March 26 at 3 p.m.
The Magic Flute
Mozart’s imaginative, melodic genius is at it’s zenith in this fantastical fairytale of darkness and light. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl with lots of twists and turns. Not to mention the fabulously bitchy Queen of the Night. Arizona Opera Co. at Symphony Hall, 75 N. 2nd St. in Phoenix. Tix at ArizonaOpera.org or call 602-266-7464
April 7-9
DRINK & EVENT GUIDE
ION SAZERAC
NAVIGATION
Use the ION ARIZONA APP for Google Maps turn-by-turn directions with links to UBER & LYFT!
DON’T DRINK & DRIVE!
ION FABULANCE
F
orward … March! All the astrological hype is true: March is gonna be a game changer, with Saturn entering Pisces on the 7th and fantasies become grounding realities. ¶ The Spring Equinox on the 20th encourages you to make your intentions clear. ¶ It’s all about Pluto, the planet of total transformation and sneaky power struggles will be frolicking through the waters in Aquarius on the 23rd for the first time since 1777, lasting until June 11, so pay attention to some life shifting events happening personally and around you. Expect some far out freaky fun!
ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Aries season starts March 20. It’ll be mind-blowing when you feel that “click” inside. Reassess and reboot. The only way is up. Birthday Rams need to thank everyone who got them where they are. You didn’t get there all on your own, you know.
ION HOMOSCOPES
TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Mercury encourages you to renew old friendships, and make a few new friends, too. Make sure you set firm boundaries. You know those lousy “friends” of yours? Say, “Adíos.”
GEMINI May 21 - June 21
Shoulders back! Mercury encourages you to talk. About everything. With authority, so that people believe you. Mars gives you some extra pep, so use it to defend your values.
CANCER June 22 - July 22
Luscious Venus and plucky Jupiter grab some glitter and bedazzle your life. Frankly, it could use some sparkle. Pluto urges you to do something that makes a difference. What will it be?
LEO July 23 - Aug. 22
Look, things have gotten sloppy. Saturn says put your shoulder to the wheel, give up a few conveniences, and see everything fall into place. Your charisma gets you into a VIP section. Everywhere. Seriously.
VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
What’s your priority? Professional success, or love? You’re in luck: you get a little bit of both this month. Pluto moves into Aquarius making this a good time to switch up your routine.
LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Faraway, funky Pluto is projecting lots of self-confidence and has you feeling sexy. You’re even more persuasive when you talk to others. Compromise is key. So are compliments.
SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23
You are in demand and you demand a lot of attention. A LOT. Plan on doing something a little decadent this month. A dramatic Full Moon might find you making out with your friends. Maybe even your bestie. Just … ewww.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Saturn increases your power. Jupiter gives you the giggles. Venus brings prosperity. A rich uncle dies and leaves all his money. Not really, but you’ll be “comfortable” this month.
CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
Lots of promise awaits for you right around the 17th, just let Saturn do the talking. Avoid all the superficial banalities around you. Let Venus help iron out the wrinkles. You’ll seduce someone who needs seducing.
AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Pluto is all about transformation and growing, shifting into Aquarius, bringing progress to your world. Expect the winds of change to rip off your metaphysical clothes, exposing your naughty bits. You love being naked, right? Oh, now ... we’ve all seen your goodies, baby. And we love ‘em.
PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Don’t let pesky deadlines or clocks run your life. After the Full Moon everyone wants a little bit of your “glow,” but keep some for special occasions. If it’s your birthday, Mercury gives you a spark and makes you extra popular.