IONAZ June 2012 #131 by ION Arizona

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 1

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

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CARNAVAL LATINO

KARAMBA

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Always something g oing on... N D AY S {SIceUPics’ Legendary 2-4-1 2pm-8pm

SHOWTUNES SUNDAY The BEST of Broadway & Movie Musicals!

{T U E S D AY S Star ting at 9pm

FREE POKER 6PM & 8PM

With FREE Hot Dogs & Chili!

$2 WELLS & DOM. BEER BOTTLES @ 8pm

$4 SKYY MARTINIS @ 8pm

KARAOKE @ 9:30pm

Hosted By

GOGO BOYS!

AMATEUR NIGHT

Do you have what it takes to be our next dancer?

} {T H U R S D AY S undie night F R I D AY S} {S AT U R D AY S Star ting at 9pm

W E D N E S D AY S

Star ting at 9pm

On-site Undie Sale!

hosted by LADY GODIVA

AWESOME DRINK SPECIALS!

2-4-1 Wells & Dom. Bottles when you’re in your undies!

Star ting at 9pm

PARTY WITH THE HOTTEST BOYS! Sexy GoGo Boys DJ URBAN Spinning $4 Long Islands $3 Well Cocktails $250 Dom. Bottles Shot Specials! NEVER A COVER!!!

4pm-9pm

Buy a $5 cup of Miller Light or Bud Lite and get 50¢ REFILLS!!!

For the latest events, specials and show times, visit:

/icepics t www.icepicsvideobar.com

SATURDAY SHOWS @ 10pm

A Touch of Starring

JUNE 2nd & JUNE 16th

Maraya Jordan JUNE 9th & JUNE 23th

OLIVIA & MARAYA COMBO SHOW +6/& UI DURING SATURDAY SHOWS!

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SUNDAY JUNE 17th @ 8:30pm

Divas After Dark

FAGTV

SUNDAY, JUNE 24th THE MEN OF @ 8:00pm

STRUT ALL-MALE REVIEW $4 STOLI DRINKS! Hosted by

OLIVER TOWN

Starring

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A multi-media drag extravaganza with live numbers and special guests!

SUNDAY JUNE 3rd @ 9:00pm MISS GAY ARIZONA USofA AT LARGE Special Show!

DIANNA K. SHANE

$ 00

KS & WELL DRTIN BEERS E L T DOM.BO

602.267.8707 3108 East McDowell

Daily, 10am to 4pm

RED DEVIL next door for call-in lunch & food orders!

CLUB 24

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

Summer: The Heat is On! Throughout most of the country, Memorial Day weekend signals the beginning of summer. Here in the Southwest, summer never seems to end. It just gets hotter. Love it or hate it, the heat is here to stay. For a while, anyway. The good news is there’s a lot to do to beat the heat. Use ION is your guide for fun events and things to do that will help occupy those long, dog days of summer.

Pride in the Pines

One of my favorite trips to take during the summer is to Flagstaff for Pride in the Pines. A cool one day festival with fun, great entertainment and new faces. Once again, ION is a proud sponsor and we hope we’ll see you up there June 16.

Jell-O Wrestling

Another way to cool off is to wrestle in Jell-O. Sounds delicious! Check out the ION “Lucha Libre” Jell-O wrestlers in this issue and you’ll never look at Jell-O the same again! Join ION and the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus for their annual Jell-O Wrestling fundraiser benifiting the Chorus at Charlie’s on June 30.

Summer Reading

There’s nothing like laying out by the

pool with a cool drink and a good book. Check out our summer reading suggestions with three great new books including Neil Giuliano’s memoir, a hilarious book about Gay parenting, and another funny book about dating nightmares.

Fire and Ice

For years, women have come to me and asked why aren’t there more events for them. This month ends with the biggest all-girl weekend event in the history of Arizona. “Fire & Ice” from Mirage Entertainment is in Scottsdale on June 30-July 1st. Don’t miss it, ladies! As we progress as a community and our acceptance continues to grow, there may be a day when we won’t need a magazine like ION Arizona. But until then, your community needs you. It needs you to get involved. It needs you to support the non-profits and businesses that support us. Everybody needs you. So come out, enjoy your community, enjoy ION and enjoy summer in Arizona.

Jack M. Tesorero Publisher June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 15

3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ........................................ kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ....................................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Tom King ............................................ ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero ............................................... (602) 750-1164 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ............ (520) 429-5905 ionazsales@me.com ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner Don Thompson Deon Brown Cover photo by Jerry O’Conner National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Robert Hofmann Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2012: 17 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 17

Donna Summer Tribute Party “Bad girls. Talkin’ ‘bout bad girls ...” And bad boys, too! Come celebrate the life and musical legacy of the Queen of Disco and get some hot stuff, baby this evenin’ on Thursday, June 14 when they dim all the lights, sweet darlin’, at Karamba Nightclub, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. Phone: 602-254-0231 This time I know it’s for real!

Pride in the Pines Get your GLBTQ freak on—Flagstaff style! Join our friends up north for Pride in the Pines at Wheeler Park on Saturday, June 16. Enjoy entertainment with RuPaul’s Drag Race’s wickedly talented Raven, the big voiced diva Martha Wash and more! (See ad on p. 42). Don’t forget you can spend the night at the Woodlands Hotel—request the Pride Rate of only $99! (See ad on p. 64)

Big Kahuna Beach Party It’s time to play Beach Blanket Bingo at the BS West Big Kahuna Beach party! It’s the closest you’ll get to Waikiki Beach here, but there’s extended patios, 2-4-1 drinks and the hottest go-go boys in town! It all happens on Saturday, June 16. Kowabunga, dude! 7125 E. 5th Ave.480-945-9028

Disco Sucks Party If you still “Can’t Stop the Music,” you can relive the decadence and the fabulous music when Apollo’s turns into Studio 54 (minus all the cocaine and tax problems) for a night! Come in 70s costume for a contest & enjoy 2-4-1 well & domestic beer while you burn, baby burn—it’s a disco inferno at 5749 N. 7th St. in Phoenix. Phone: 602-277-9373 18

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

Jell-O Wrestling Watch it wiggle! See it jiggle! And we ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the gelatin, either! Watch your friends squirm ‘n’ squeal in the slimy stuff on Saturday, June 30 on the patio at Charlie’s. There’ll be auction items and—of course—Jell-O shots! It all benefits the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus and the Trevor Project! 727 W. Camelback Rd. Phone: 602-265-0224

Fire & Ice Mirage Entertainment presents the 1st Annual FIRE & ICE two-day event for exclusively for girls! That means hot Mirage go-go dancers and chicks in bikinis, and featuring LA’s DJ Lezlee,DJ Shorty, DJ Nube and fire performance by Mourning Fyre! Join ‘em at the Saguaro Hotel 4000 N. Drinkwater Blvd. in Scottsdale on Saturday, June 30 where the Fire Party kicks off at 8 p.m. Then stay Sunday, July 1 for poolside fun at the Ice Party at 11 a.m. Email Mirage21rh@yahoo.com for hotel, cabana and VIP package rates!

JUNE 2012 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT

LOCATION CITY

Fridays 3 9 9 9 9 10 14 14 15 16 16 19 22 24 29 30 30 30-7/1 JULY 3-6 3 3

Wett Fridays Desert Overtures Pride Gala Family Feud Dart Tournament AZ Women in Tune Softball Poker Tourney Xtreme Male Int’l. Donna Summer Tribute G!irl!c!ous Big Kahuna Beach Party Pride in the Pines Mustache Ride Disco Sucks Dance Party Men of Strut WTF Party Jell-O Wrestling Underwear Party Fire & Ice (Girls-only party)

Charlie’s Central High School PHX Sheraton Roscoe’s The Rock Faith Lutheran Church Roscoe’s The Rock Karamba Apollo’s BS West Wheeler Park icepics Apollo’s icepics IBTs Charlie’s BS West Saguaro Hotel

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Flagstaff Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Scottsdale Scottsdale

A Week with Wendy Ho Puerto Rican Celebration Independence Blackout Party

The Rock & BS West Karamba The Rock

Scottsdale + PHX Phoenix Phoenix

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 19

MEMORIAL DAY

CHARLIE’S

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Come see what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all about with ONE MONTH OF FREE SWIMMING! Visit us online for swim locations, swim times and to find out more about the Sunfish.

www.phxsunfish.org 22

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Bravo’s Top Chef Tour Even if you’re not Julia Child in the kitchen, you’ll love seeing the most memorable chefs of this season compete in a culinary cook-off “Quickfire-style!” This event will feature prizes, games and more. “Like” Top Chef on Facebook and vote on the special ingredient that they’ll use here in Arizona. Check BravoTV.com for event

Flagstaff Wine & Food Festival Take this opportunity to escape the bone-melting heat of the Valley and beyond to experience cool temps of Flagstaff. Show up hungry and thirsty on Saturday, June 9 for the Flagstaff Wine & Food Festival, try noted Arizona wines and signature dishes from area restaurants, enjoy entertainment, local crafts & more! It’s all at the Pepsi Amphitheatre at Ft. Tuthill Park, I-17 to exit 337. Visit PepsiAmp.com for tix & more info.

Kooza You won’t find the typical pachyderms and clowns stuffed in a VW, but the adrenaline rush of acrobatics and entertainers in a zany kingdom will leave you gasping and begging for more, only the way that Cirque du Soleil can do it. It all happens June 10-15 at the University of Phoenix Stadium at 1 Cardinals Dr. in Glendale. For tix visit CirqueDuSoleil.com or call 800-450-1480

JUNE 2012 ION around town listings DATE EVENT / LOCATION CITY

Th & Sat Various 8 9 9 9 9-10 10-15 23

Flashlight Tours of the Desert Botanical Gardens Diamondbacks Baseball Bravo’s Top Chef Tour -TBD Bite Night - AZ Biltmore Prowl ‘n’ Play at the Zoo Flagstaff Wine & Food Festival - Pepsi Amphitheatre Territorial Days KOOZA by Cirque du Soleil - U of Phx Stadium Derby Dames - State Fairgrounds Coliseum

Phx Chase Field BravoTV.com Phoenix Phoenix Flagstaff Downtown Prescott Glendale Phoenix

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 23

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

One Direction You probably miss *N SYNC, Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block. Those lovable, fresh-faced boy-banders unleashed on the world by Simon Cowell’s X-Factor UK are coming to the Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington on on Sunday, June 10! Find out more about them at OneDirectionMusic.com. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888

Indigo Girls Who doesn’t love some good, old fashioned American (coindidentally Lesbian) Folk Rock? Amy Ray & Emily Saliers started rocking in high school. You’ll be “Closer to Fine” when you catch these gals on Thursday, June 14 at Wild Horse Pass, 5350 N. 48th St., Chandler. For info and tix visit WildHorsePass.com or call 877-840-0457

Foster the People & Kimbra All you young kids with the pumped up kicks better run, better run—to see Foster the People with Mayer Hawthorne and Kiwi songbird Kimbra, whose duet on Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” is on iPods everywhere these days. Now’s your chance to catch ‘em on Friday, July 6 at the Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington. For info & tix go to LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888

JUNE 2012 ION Concert Calendar DATE 4 6 8 14 10 15 15 16 21 23 JULY 3 6

ARTIST LOCATION Santigold Crescent Ballroom Collective Soul Marquee Theatre B-52s Wild Horse Pass Indigo Girls Wild Horse Pass One Direction Comerica Theatre Scorpions Comerica Theatre Los Lobos Wild Horse Pass Casino Van Halen US Airways Center Lita Ford Marquee Theatre George Thorogood Talking Stick Resort

PHONE 877-435-9849 480-829-0707 877-840-0457 877-840-0457 602-379-2888 602-379-2888 877-840-0457 800-745-3000 480-829-0707 800-745-3000

Everclear, Gin Blossoms, Sugar Ray Comerica Theatre Foster the People, Kimbra & more! Comerica 602-379-2888

602-379-2888

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 25

BEARRACUDA

THE ROCK

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Neil Giuliano

The Campaign Within: A Mayorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Private Journey to Public Leadership

by Deon Brown 28 www.IONAZ.com June 2012 by Deon Brown photos by Stephen Busker

It’s hard to imagine a time when Neil Giuliano hasn’t been part of the

landscape in the Valley, whether as a student, mayor, or for many, as a mentor and a friend. Neil’s local career includes a 25-year association with ASU as well as a four term mayor of Tempe from 1994-2004. Despite many significant accomplishments, Neil faced an intensely personal struggle with his own sexuality and coming out. This spurred him on to write a memoir. “This has been a longterm project that started while I was still serving as mayor. As time went on I became a better writer and I had a more compelling story to tell,” Neil told ION Arizona. The Campaign Within: A Mayor’s Private Journey to Public Leadership, (Magnus Books, 280 pp.) will be released on June 12. Neil spoke to ION Arizona about his book, including his career, inspiration and hopes to motivate others. ION: People wonder about the “road not taken.” Are there any “roads” that you feel you didn’t take? Neil Giuliano: Aside from becoming a rock star? Probably not. We all have to find out what we’re good at, what we aspire to be better at and reconcile our hopes and dreams with our own capacities as we make our way in the world. ION: Your résumé is impressive; from ASU’s Student Body President

to Tempe City Councilmember and Mayor, President of GLAAD, OUT Magazine’s 100, Instinct Magazine’s Top 25, CEO of San Francisco AIDS Foundation and more. Could you have been happy, say, working in a hardware store? NG: Well, I am pretty Type A and driven, so I might have rearranged the entire store. I grew and stretched and fell down and had to get up many times in my life. When you list it out like that it seems impressive, but I consider myself a pretty average guy who just kept learning and working hard at building coalitions of support as a foundation for me to serve others. Honestly, that’s what I still do to this day. ION: What was the most gratifying part about writing your book? NG: Two aspects: the inner peace that I have found in baring my soul, so to speak, and knowing that maybe at some point, somewhere, some piece of my story might help someone else. That will be the most gratifying. ION: You’re practically the Meryl Streep of Public Service, earning and winning elections, offices, appointments, accolades. How does everything look in retrospect? NG: I only think about the past as a learning tool, something to build on for the future. None of that really matters much in our “what have you done for June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 29

me lately” culture anyway. The clarity and texture of how I can build on the past to prepare for the future is all that matters. In many ways, I feel like the real opportunities to do good and have influence are ahead of me. ION: What do you feel— personally—is your greatest accomplishment to date? NG: I can really only answer that with a non-answer: I truly hope and believe my greatest accomplishment is one I will never know of, the life that was touched, the individual who was helped along the way without me ever realizing it took place. My deepest personal satisfaction comes from knowing I will never know, yet I have faith that when I die I will be presented with the sum total of my life and maybe then I will find out, and hopefully the “good” column is a tad longer than the “screw-up” column. ION: You survived a very public “outing” back when it was still something to be afraid of, an attempted recall and more. Are there any more dragons to slay? Kingdoms to conquer? NG: Yes, my coming out was pretty public, there was no alternative to that reality! I know I will remain a voice for full equality, that speaking for those without a voice, being a servant leader in the community is a part of my DNA. ION: What image of yourself would you like the reader to take away from your memoir? 30

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

NG: I hope readers see that I was a pretty average guy, with hang-ups and issues and far from perfect, but even still I had a desire to make a difference and worked hard. I hope my readers are motivated to look at their own lives and decide to stretch and challenge themselves, dream and imagine all they can accomplish, too. ION: You write that your path is not entirely directed by yourself. What’s next? Any specific temptations? NG: You know, I am throwing it all out into the universe and we’ll see. If someone had told me in 1984 that in ten years I would be the mayor of Tempe, I would have told him he was crazy; yet that happened. So as for my future, I don’t know but I am hoping it will again involve something I would find “crazy” if suggested today. ION: Finally, are there any regrets? NG: Of course and I identify some in the book because it was important to be honest, but I have adopted and live by the words of Jonathan Larson who wrote the musical RENT. One of the lines in “No Day But Today” includes: “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” I like those words. Neil Giuliano will appear at 7 p.m. on Monday, June 18 at Changing Hands Bookstore 6428 S. McClintock Dr. in Tempe (phone: 480-730-0205) where he will greet the public and sign his book. The Campaign Within is also available on Amazon.com

Happy Fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gay!

Does This Baby

Make Me Look Straight?

Confessions of a Gay Dad

by Deon Brown www.IONAZ.com by 32 Deon Brown

June 2012

magine working and living in Hollywood and adopting children with your partner. Actor/producer/writer Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, screenwriter Don Roos did. Dan’s book about their experience adopting their two kids, Eliza and Jonah, is a heartwarming look at fatherhood that’s also laugh out loud funny even if you’re not a parent, covering everything from Dan’s own awkward attempts at “manscaping,” to what to do when your kid says, “Daddy, smell my fingers!” As Bucatinsky writes, “We do our best and hope that when they grow up, they know they were unconditionally loved. And liked. And respected. And as a result, grow into compassionate, loving, responsible adults who feel lucky with the pair of queens they were dealt.” ION: Do you ever wish you could trade in a Chuck E. Cheese Birthday Pizza Party for a White Party? Dan Bucatinsky: There’s plenty of times when I think, “Oh my god! What have I done?” But the grass is always greener where there’s not a dirty diaper. You go to a party and your kids are bouncing off the walls after the fourth

cupcake, and you absolutely wish to be somewhere fabulous sipping a mojito in a body that could actually fit into a really good bathing suit. ION: When you adopt you’re sort of an “instant parent,” not going through an actual pregnancy. DB: I had my own version of unfortunate weight-gain over the process [of adoption.] I ate one too many Cinnabons. I had all the same physical manifestations [of pregnancy], except my milk never came in. ION: Did you ever think you’d trade watching Desperate Housewives for Barney? DB: The entire experience of driving has changed—the songs that play incessantly in your head all day long. My daughter is obsessed with Lady Gaga, which only makes me want to dance. We watched a lot of The Backyardigans which I worshipped because it was a Broadway musical with little animated creatures. I’m basically a seven-year-old-girl inside, anyway. ION: Are there specific challenges Gay parenting in Hollywood vs. Kansas? June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 33

DB: I can only speculate. It’s a company town and exposing kids to the entertainment industry— there’s really no way around it. I imagine if you grow up in a coal mining town kids sling lingo about mining in the same way you’d be absolutely horrified to hear your five-year-old talk about weekend box office grosses— which mine don’t. ION: What’s the greatest advantage of same-sex parenting? DB: We don’t have to celebrate Mother’s Day! Nobody gets a corsage. No carnations with ferns are on anyone’s breast or wrist.There is a shorthand with Don that both of us understand each other on a much deeper level. There’s also things dads find daunting with gender gaps; but two Gay dads are really not that much different than Straight dads and moms; the diapers smell the same—we just look a lot better changing them. ION: Does fatherhood make you hotter? 34

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

DB: Isn’t “hot” in the eyes of the beholder? My libido hasn’t diminished! I certainly crave sex probably more now than I did because there’s less opportunity now to sneak it in without the kids hearing or seeing you. If putting a couple of extra pounds from birthday cupcakes and macaroni and cheese makes you hotter, then I would say, “yes.” There’s something incredibly sexy to me seeing a dad tapped into the role of “nurturer.” I certainly enjoy flirting with the dads at my kids’ school—whether they’re Straight or Gay. ION: Any worries about a “Mommie Dearest” retaliation from your kids? DB: Hmmmm .... the jury’s not out yet! I’m gonna have to watch my back! They’ll find some way to get back at me! (Laughs) The value of honesty and truth is something I try to instill in them anyway. Hopefully, they’ll know exactly why I did it. Touchstone Books, a division of Simon & Schuster 245 pp. $14.99 Available on Amazon.com

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June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 35

Horrible

by Deon Brown www.IONAZ.com by 36 Deon Brown

Dates

June 2012

W e’ve all had ‘em. The Date from Hell. Author Eddie Campbell (a one-

time Valley resident) recounts his most appalling, awful, disastrous and downright stomachturning dates in his hilarious new book, 44 Horrible Dates. You think you got it bad? Yeesh! “My goal was to write a book that’s highly relatable. To let brilliant singles out there know that others are having it worse,” Eddie told ION Arizona. How do you know when a date is going south? “You know it’s going wrong when you start thinking about separating your darks from your whites and you’ve mentally checked out,” Eddie warns. “Or you find out something you’re completely against—like your date’s a Republican.” You can foolproof your date to prevent becoming a horrible statistic. “First, don’t dress like an asshole. Don’t wear white cowboy boots and white jeans. Treat someone like you want to be treated. At the end of the day, ‘opposites attract’ is only good for sex; opposites don’t attract for decades. “Have fun and be fun. Be light! Let your

own personality shine, if you have one. It’s a date; not an interview. You’re not trying to get a job, just be yourself. If ‘yourself’ is a total asshole, reel it back in,” Campbell counsels. 44 Horrible Dates is Campbell’s funny, self-deprecating, cock-eyed look at all those other “fish in the sea” you keep hearing about. Fortunately, these are all in fruity, nutty Los Angeles. But it could happen anywhere. “I’ve had plenty of great dates with dinners and walks on the beach. Good dates usually wind up in relationships, and books about relationships are boring. This book is for the two billion single people and the 58% of married people who are going to be single soon.” So pack away your bedazzled Ed Hardy clothes and pick up a laffpacked copy of 44 Horrible Dates. A perfect poolside, beach, airplane or pre-date read. It’s gotta be a better date than one of Eddie’s. Sourcebooks, 256 pp. $14.99 EddieCampbellOnline.com Available on Amazon.com June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 37

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www.IONAZ.com June 2012

STRIPPER SATURDAYS

CRUISIN’ 7TH

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www.IONAZ.com June 2012

by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New?

n addition to these albums, check out new stuff from Maroon 5, Linkin Park, Fiona Apple, Smashing Pumpkins and Justin Bieber.

Scissor Sisters –

Magic Hour From this sets opener “Baby Come Home,” you know you are in for a musical journey. Part funk, pop, dance, 70s with a Bowie edge, Magic Hour proves to be just that. Its hippy, trippy and quite drum-cadence oriented, but all-in-all, it’s great fun. Lead single “Only the Horses” features the dance element so many have grown to love while the innovation of “Self-Control” and “Somewhere” captivate and turn regular listeners into new fans. Then there are the strange tracks of “Let’s Have a Kiki” and “Keep Your Shoes On” that just scream, “Different!” One thing’s for sure, by the end you’ll be saying, “Who is Pickles?” GRADE: B+

Usher – Looking For Myself Confessions brought Usher instant superstardom. Raymond only brought much pressure to duplicate that platform. Getting help from Max Martin and Diplo among others, Usher juxtaposes the current electro-dance trend with his traditional R&B roots to keep all fans— new and old—happy. “Euphoria” with its White Party-like anthem proves best

while also being Usher’s most brave while “Show Me” and “Scream” give the listener more of what we’ve come to hear from this superstar. GRADE: B Kylie Minogue – Greatest Hits CD/DVD Trying to gather all of Kylie’s greatest hits is like trying to do the same for Madonna. While both artists have had multiple hits packages through the years, this one by Kylie incorporates song and video in one collection. But, to say these are the best 21 tracks of her illustrious career will come with some argument. But this package is just plain fun. Also included are “I Believe,” “Slow” and “Red Blooded”—some of her best yet understated singles. GRADE: A Emeli Sande – Our Version of Events June finally sees a stateside release for this gem and UK #1. Fresh off her win at the Brits, Emeli sees her debut win the prestigious Critics’ Choice Award. With Gotye and Kimbra’s “import” success, Emeli hopes to follow; and that she should. Part Rihanna, some Pink with the gusto of Mary J, this soul-pop songstress shines bright with traditional R&B in a semi 60s throwback attitude. Lead single “Heaven” proves best with its pulsating, catchy hook while “Daddy” just sleeks with a vision that is unique. Grade: B+ June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 43

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Charlize Theron:

Fantasy Past, Sci-Fi Future Snow White and the Huntsman

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Ian McShane In a continuation with Hollywood’s recent, overwhelming interest in re-imaging, retelling and rebooting old storylines, we bring you Part II in the Saga of the Dueling Snow Whites: Snow White and the Huntsman. Whereas April’s Mirror Mirror provided a more whimsical take on the classic tale of a vain queen who attempts to eradicate her step-daughter after her self-esteem is crushed by the girl’s blossoming beauty, this month’s Snow White and the Huntsman is a darker retelling featuring everyone’s favorite deadeyed mouth-breather, Kristen Stewart (a.k.a., Bella from the Twilight Saga) as the “fairest of them all.” In this version, not only does Snow White evade the Evil Queen’s (Charlize Theron, Young Adult) assassination attempt, she’s also training alongside the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth, Captain America) dispatched to, well, dispatch her. Who’ll win? Watch any one of seventeen versions to find out! Release Date: June 1, 2012.

Prometheus

Starring: Charlize Theron, Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Idris Elba Director, Ridley Scott, perhaps best known for directing 1979’s Alien and 1982’s Blade Runner again returns to the genre of science fiction to bring us Prometheus. In this film starring Noomi Rapace (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), Charlize Theron (Monster), and Michael Fassbender (Shame), we follow the spaceship Prometheus, named after the Greek Titan and champion of mankind who stole fire from Zeus, as they follow an ancient star map that leads them to a distant world and advanced civilization. They believe they’ve found the origins of humankind, but instead stumble upon a threat that could lead to the extinction of humanity. Though it hasn’t been explicitly stated, it is my suspicion that Prometheus is the precursor to the Aliens franchise. This, of course, remains to be seen. Release Date: June 8, 2012.

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

Ultrasuede: In Search of Halston

Almost half a century ago, New York saw the rise of a milliner-turnedfashion powerhouse, Roy Halston Frowick— known simply as “Halston.” His simple, elegant, flowing designs graced runways, magazine covers, and the cultural elite, including Elizabeth Taylor, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and Liza Minelli. A regular fixture at Studio 54 and a pal of Andy Warhol, Halston was one of the first American fashion designers to be held in the same esteem as European designers and one of the first designers to really explore the idea of licensing himself. Halston was a fascinating character who helped define the 70s and 80s, yet that fails to translate in director Whitney Sudler-Smith’s documentary Ultrasuede: In Search of Halston. Rather, the film— particularly the first third—appears to be more about Sudler-Smith. When he’s not showing stock footage, Sudler-Smith and his constantly evolving coif are bumbling through interviews, interrupting his interviewees with pointless questions and ringing cell phones. Inexplicably, the camera is trained on him and not the interview, capturing unnecessary reaction shots. What’s even more ridiculous is that though all this nonsense apparently happened during his interviews, no one had enough sense to edit it out during post-production allowing the rest of the world to bear witness to it. It’s incredible that someone so clearly lacking in skills as a documentarian—or even a simple interviewer and researcher— would choose to make Halston, a consummate perfectionist to the point

of having difficulty meeting deadlines for his eight-collections-a-year contract with JC Penney’s, his subject matter. Halston himself is worth exploring, but Ultrasuede is not the vehicle for your journey.

We Were Here (2011)

Starring: Ed Wolf, Paul Bonenberg, Daniel Goldstein, Guy Clark, Eileen Glutzer For younger generations, the HIV/ AIDS pandemic is as distant and murky in their memory as the fall of the Berlin Wall, yet it was just as significant and life-changing for millions of people. Filmmakers David Weissman and Bill Weber take a look at the arrival and impact the virus had on San Francisco by exploring how affected (and oftentimes infected) individuals responded to the crisis. Featuring interviews with five individuals who were at the center of the crisis, both personally and professionally, We Were Here speaks to our capacity as a community to rise to the occasion and provide invaluable support, education and most of all, care, to those devastated by the virus. Additionally, it is a fascinating commentary of the sociopolitical climate of the time, in which containment of the virus spelled potential civil rights violations for a community still largely shunned by society. One of the top 10 films of 2011, We Were Here is a powerful documentary and an absolute must-see for anyone—regardless of age, background or sexual orientation—as it was a significant, frightening time in history. June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 47

FOR SUMMER N I ’S L O CHO

EATRE’S H T X I N L PHOE MUSICA KED & A N Y E SUMMER NEARL ORATIV B A LL O C

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retty sure most of you have heard of it … Spring Awakening won eight Tony Awards on Broadway in 2007, including Best Musical. The score, by award-winning pop songwriter Duncan Sheik is mesmerizing. Hailed as “the most gorgeous Broadway score this decade,” it won both the Drama Desk Award and the Tony—not to mention that the original cast recording won a Grammy. But that’s probably not what you’ve heard. What you’ve probably heard is that the show is sexy. Sexy, sexy, sexy! That quality—the sexiness— makes it the perfect project for Nearly Naked Theatre. And when Nearly Naked announced that the closing show of its 13th season would be Spring Awakening, everyone was delighted it would be performed and co-produced at Phoenix Theatre, known for its strikingly produced productions, but the content of which skews slightly less … naked. Together you’ve got Phoenix Theatre artistry, Nearly Naked flair. The show is co-directed by two of Phoenix’s most accomplished artists, Damon Dering,

and Robert Kolby Harper. It’s like taking the two people who are mostqualified to direct Spring Awakening in Arizona and letting them both do it. “Robbie and I are definitely directing our asses off for this production. Probably because we both love it so much. But the real secret to how astounding this show is going to be is the cast; they’re out-of-handamazing!” Dering and Harper saw over 160 people at auditions. Young men and women came from all over the Valley as well as Tucson and Flagstaff. “You get to pick the best-ofthe-best—and we did!” Says Harper, “The cast is filled with some of the most promising talent that has come out of the Valley in a long time. I haven’t seen a group like this in, well, forever!” Based on an expressionist play from 1892, Spring Awakening is about late-nineteenth century teenagers in Germany who are discovering the inner and outer tumult of sexuality while the adults in their lives try desperately to repress it. With Sheik’s modern pop score, and Steven Slater’s modern take on the lyrics, these youngsters seem to exist in two eras at once, showing that teenagers then are much the same as teenagers now, and the journey from youth to adulthood has not changed much in the last hundred years. The original play was often banned due to its frank sexual content. The Broadway production shocked many

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people with its graphic sexuality and nudity. We’d expect nothing less than that from Nearly Naked Theatre and Damon Dering—but on the Phoenix Theatre stage? Says Harper, “Yes, this play is a Phoenix Theatre show, but this is also Nearly Naked Theatre we’re talking here. I think Damon and I are capturing the original intent of the Broadway version, which is very sexual. Let’s just say we’re spicing to our tastes.” An exciting thing about that idea is you can’t talk about teenagers now without at least mentioning The Gay Teen Experience. Surprisingly, the topic was also touched on in the original 1892 version of the play, and isn’t ignored in the modern musical, either. Two characters, Hanschen and Ernst, have a flirtatious relationship that culminates in a fairly honest portrayal of Gay teenage experimentation. Maxx Schau and Devon Nickel portray these characters with charming intensity—not to mention that they both have lovely voices and are definitely easy-onthe-eyes.

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Hanschen is very sexually aggressive and “pansexual” in orientation, finding something erotic in everything. Ernst is more honestly the Gay character, and his experience is a lot like many today—filled with doubt and repression. A sweet, polite boy, Ernst would probably never have acted on his secret desires without the prodding by Hanschen, but he clearly understands his feelings, and once he does, he acts on them. Nickel, a regular on Valley stages (surprisingly for his young age) is adorable. A Straight actor with profound understanding and acceptance, he plays Gay the way all actors should:

with sincerity and conviction. “I love playing Ernst because his journey is truly one of self-discovery. He has all these tests to his hopes and dreams and he finds who he is with dignity, on his terms. I think we can safely say he’s one of the only characters whose story probably comes out okay. And I love that.” The Gay story has the best ending? We love that too. This production by Nearly Naked Theatre and Phoenix Theatre is sure to be the hottest ticket this summer! With “premium-seating” already limited, we recommend you get your seats now. It’s going to be a scorching “spring” this summer!

Spring Awakening is recommended for mature audiences, containing adult language and themes, sexual situations and nudity. It runs June 13– July 1 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd in Phoenix. Wed-Sat at 8 p.m. & Sun at 6 p.m. or 2 p.m. (varying). For tickets call 602-254-2151 or visit NearlyNakedTheatre.org 54

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The Wallace & Ladmo Show If you’re from Arizona, you’ll remember the longest running morning kids’ show in TV history: The Wallace & Ladmo Show! From 1964-1999 they entertained Valley kids with their nutty antics. Actors Theatre explores the legend, success, friendship and how it’s measured. June 1-10 at the Herberger Theatre Center, 222 E. Monroe, Phoenix For tix visit ATPHX.org or call 602-248-9481

Heddatron A bizarre, Sci-Fi/Existential-ish comedy where five robots kidnap a pregnant housewife and force her to perform Hedda Gabler while her family searches for her and Ibsen is actually writing Hedda Gabler in Norway. Outrageous fun only the way Stray Cat Theatre can do it through June 9 at the Tempe Performing Arts Ctr, 132 E. 6th St. For tix call 480-634-3465 or visit StrayCatTheatre.org

Drew Carey Presents ... The host of “The Price Is Right” returns back to his laugh-out-loud roots with “The Best of the Midnight Show,” June 22-23 with a little bit of stand-up and a lot of sketch. So you can count on laughing so hard the vodka will come shooting out of your nose—because there’s a two-drink minimum. Feel free to sit down at StandUp Live, 50 W. Jefferson St. Phoenix. Visit StandUpLive.com for more info or call 480-719-6100

JUNE 2012 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 1-17 Wallace & Ladmo Herberger - Actors Theatre 5-10 Million Dollar Quartet ASU Gammage 9 Latino Comedy Jam Wild Horse Pass 7-10 Roots 3 Sketch Show Mesa Arts Ctr. 7-10 Pablo Francesco StandUp Live thru 9 Heddatron Stray Cat Theater 13-15 Dog Sees God Black Box Theatre, Casa Grande 14-16 Greg Fitzsimmons StandUp Live 15-7/1 Spring Awakening Nearly Naked Theatre 22-23 Drew Carey Presents ... StandUp Live thru 24 Joseph & the Amazing... Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre 29-30 JB Smoove StandUp Live

PHONE 602-248-9481 480-965-3434 877-840-0457 480-644-6500 480-719-6100 480-634-6435 520-371-4944 480-719-6100 602-254-2151 480-719-6100 480-483-1664 480-719-6100

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A Week with the Ho Wendy Ho, that is! She’s coming back to town to celebrate Mike Fornelli’s birthday with her own non-stop, raucous, riotous fun! On Tuesday, July 3 at 8:30 p.m. she’ll be at BS West for Stars of Tomorrow finals. On Wednesday, July 4 she’ll put on her one-woman comedy show at BS West at 9 p.m. On Thursday she’ll be at The Follies at The Rock for a night of laughter at 9 p.m. You won’t want to miss this!

JUNE 2012 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Sun 3 8:00pm Fri 8 10:00pm Sun 10 8:00pm Thurs 14 Fri 15 10:00pm Sun 17 8:00pm Sunday 17 8:30pm Wed 20 10:00pm Sun 24 Sun 24 8:00pm Sun 24 3:00pm Sun 24 6:00pm Wed 27 Mondays Mondays 10:00pm Tuesdays 8 & 10pm Tuesdays 8:00pm Tuesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Thursdays 10:30pm Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30p Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 10:30pm 2nd Sunday

Apollo’s The Rock Apollo’s Karamba The Rock Apollo’s icepics Karamba Charlie’s Apollo’s Karamba BS West Charlie’s Charlie’s Apollo’s Amsterdam BS West Karamba IBT’s Karamba The Rock Charlie’s Karamba IBT’s The Rock Cruisin’ 7th BS West IBT’s Cruisin’ 7th The Rock icepics Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba Woody’s

ArizonaDrag.com presents Showgirlz Juke Joint Tequila Nights with Tyra & Grecia Donna Summer Tribute Show Scandaleyez with Savannah Stevens The Cougar Cabaret Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Barbra Seville’s Brithday Show A Night at Studio 54 Nevaeh McKenzie & Coco St. James Sunday Funday Salsa Challenge Miss SW NCC Pageant You’ve Been Served - A Night of Sharing Barbra Seville w/ Strippers! Naughty or Nice Bingo Dinner’s a Drag with Kiki Vermont, Kira Daniels & Sasha Bratz Kendra’s Big Top - Elimination rounds ALL JUNE Salsa Tuesdays with Savannah Moussier Viva La Diva with Janee Star Barbra Seville Open Wide Wednesdays Claudia B. & Company Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Absolutely Flawless with China Collins An Evening with The Outlaws Miss Dottie Pepper Elements 7 Deadly Sins - followed by Mandi BoomBoom Starrletts with Janee Star Mia Inez Adam’s Saturday Night Madness The Barbra Seville Show The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Pussy’s Patio Show Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Dottie Pepper Pussy LeHoot & Friends Diamond’s Show Happy Hour with Susan Artemis June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 59

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NIGHT FOR LIFE

MONTELUCIA

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W ith the continued growth spurt and popularity of “All Things Downtown” remember that some of the best things are right in your own backyard. The chic, yet casual 1130 Restaurant and Lounge in the Arizona Center presents a generous menu with a wide variety of options. The good news: nothing fussy, nothing pretentious with something for everyone. Best of all, it won’t break the bank, either. Be sure you come hungry, because you really need to check out 1130’s appetizers. Our faves include the cool, crisp Lobster Lettuce Cups. Leaves of luscious Boston Bibb lettuce holds fresh vegetable slaw with fresh avocado and large, succulent lobster, topped with spicy radish sprouts and served with a tasty sesame-soy sauce. You get five for $15.95. Come for Happy Hour and can get three for only $5.95.

1130

corn-fed USDA sterling silver choice. These select cuts are among the top 5% of all steaks available—the same caliber that is served at Ruth’s Chris but at a fraction of the price. Cuts and sizes range in price, topping out at $30 for a large nine ounce filet. You can chose a specialized prep style: Cancun, Chilerubbed, Black & Bleu, or Southwest Brown. Ask your server about these unique preparation methods. In addition, you’ll get to choose two sides from a variety offered to accompany your entrée. Don’t pass up the summery Mediterranean Chicken Pasta; a generous plate of farfalle (or bowtie) pasta is tossed in a light lemon cream sauce with olives, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, fresh spinach, feta cheese

The tender, mild Prince Edward Island Mussels Provençale will give you 1.5 pounds of the sweet mollusks tossed with tomatoes and shallots in a white wine butter sauce for $$9.95 are not to be missed. A slightly smaller portion is available for Happy Hour for $5.95 If your favorite animal is steak, don’t miss out on the magnificent 1130 steaks—all their beef is June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 63

with a tomatobasil compote for only $13.95 and only one of six pasta dishes. A “must” is the Smothered Chicken Breast, served grilled on a bed of Rice Pilaf and covered in a red pepper cream sauce, topped with freshly sautéed spinach and goat cheese. This taste treat is $15.95. It’s just one of 1130’s eight “classics.” Save room for their dessert, namely their stupendous Mango Key Lime Pie. Creamy, citrus-y, in the traditional graham cracker crust, one very large wedge of this sweet ‘n’ sour delicacy is only $6. You won’t regret it. A wide variety of choice salads, sandwiches, burgers and other specialities are available on 1130’s wellthought out lunch and dinner menus. 1130 also offers a bangin’ brunch

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including a luscious Lobster Omelette for $12.95 and $2 Mimosas and Bloody Marys. 1130 is the perfect place to quench your thirst with friends in their light, airy lounge. Their tropically delicious selection of Mojitos are only $4.95 during Happy Hour, seven days a week from 4-7 p.m. and on Mondays they’re only $3.95. Other specials include $3 well drinks, $3 off specialty drinks, $3.95 house wines and half-off select draft beer. All bottles of wine are half price on Wednesdays! Check out their amazing Happy Hour menu, too. Take a trip downtown and discover what makes 1130 Restaurant & Lounge special. 1130TheRestaurant.com The Arizona Center 455 N. 3rd St. Suite #1130 602-368-3046

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IT’S SPRING BABY!

Dine in or ‘al FEZ-co’ on our fresh air patio. Amazing daily drink and weekend brunch specials.

Lunch. Dinner. Late Night. Weekend Brunch. fezoncentral.com • 3815 N. Central Avenue fezoncentral

@fezoncentral

A Central Phoenix Original June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 67

lucha jello W

atch it wiggle! See it jiggle! And we ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the gelatin, either! Watch your friends squirm ‘n’ squeal in the slimy stuff on Saturday, June 30 on the patio at Charlie’s. There’ll be auction items and—of course—Jell-O shots! It all benefits the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus and the Trevor Project! Photography by Jerry O’Conner & Fernando Hernandez | Art by Kevin Bushaw Costumes provided by TU Collection at Tan United, Boom Boom LaRue, LaRue’s for Men, and Easley’s Fun Shop June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 69

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JUNE 2012

Vol. 6, Issue 1

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Obamas Attend X-Men Gay Wedding OUTRAGEOUS!

Who else would it be? NEW YORK CITY—Some couples hear wedding bells ringing on their wedding “The Obamas bought them a lovely blender,” day. But if you’re a Gay superhero you said Captain America. “The happy couple was may hear a a distant planet populated hoping for some kind of uranium powered by mutants exploding or fireworks from nuclear missile detonators or an espresso radiated plutonium capsules hidden in machine, but they can always return it at the earth’s core. Or, then again, you may Macy’s.” Ice Man sculpted lovely frozen hear Wolverine at the turntable playing centerpiece of Madonna, Cher and Lady Gaga DJ spinning The Village People’s “Macho ANY RESEMBLANCE THEwith TRUTH ACCIDENTAL for IS the TRAGICALLY buffet but, sadly, the Human Torch Man” at the reception whileTO strippers melted them. superhuman strength, bionic muscles and legs to die for jump out the cake and do the George Takei of the Star Trek series will “Macarena” at lightening speed. officiate the ceremony. When Marvel Comic superhero Northstar “It beats hanging out at a ComiCon in announced his nuptials to his manager, Kyle, in New York City the guests of honor Pittsburgh with Leonard Nimoy,” Takei said. will include President Barack Obama, who William Shatner will sing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” as the couple march down the recently announced his support of Gay aisle. marriage, and First Lady Michelle Obama. Thunderfist and Warfist will be groomsmen.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2012 www.IONAZ.com 79

OneVoice_ION_June.pdf

5/22/12

9:27:15 PM

KNOW NOW FREE and confidential HIV Testing on-site every Monday and Thursday from 4pm til 7pm.

4ESTING PROVIDED BY

4442 N. 7th Ave. Phoenix, AZ 85013 602.712.0111 | www.1vcc.org | info@1vcc.org

Funding provided by Ryan White Part C - Funding provided by the Federal Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Treatment Extension Act of 2009, the Maricopa County Business Strategies and Health Care Programs Department and Maricopa Integrated Health System.

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

OUTRAGEOUS! iPhone’s Siri Found Living in Squalor CUPERTINO, Calif.—The calm, collected wisdom and the soothing voice of Siri, the genius who tirelessly answers questions, takes dictation and fetches information for the iPhone 4S operating system ANY RESEMBLANCE doesn’t live in a mansion. She lives in abject poverty.

refrigerator box that she calls “home” with the 2005 WalMart shopping cart she parks in the LG washing mashing cardboard box and questioned her living arrangement.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

“That’s classified TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL information,”

she informed investigative journalists who Recently, Siri was asked her about her discovered living in living arrangement. a city dump site in “I’d rather not San Jose, California say,” she replied to near the sleek Apple further questioning. headquarters, where People are curious she works gleaning to learn more information about the brilliant and setting Siri—is she pretty? appointments for “ItACCIDENTAL really shouldn’t ANY RESEMBLANCE TOTO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ANY RESEMBLANCE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL the millions of matter,” she said. Is iPhone users every single day. Siri romantically involved? “I do not have a marital status, if that’s what you’re asking.” “I was shocked,” said one anonymous Rumors linking her to the AOL “You’ve Got Human Resources administrator at Apple. Mail” guy, who has more and more time on “Siri’s a dedicated employee; she’s at the his hands these days are unfounded. top of her game. I had no idea she lived in such penury.” “Let me think about that,” Siri answered. “Would you like a web search?” Our reporters followed Siri to the Kenmore

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS! Vampires Take Over Tinseltown, Monsters Enraged

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

HOLLYWOOD—For years the undead have been sucking the Entertainment Capital of the World dry. Vampires have gained an unholy monopoly over the movie industry and other monsters have said that enough is enough.

Hollywood movie historians. “There used to be a day when there were plenty of zombies, ghosts, invisible men, monsters from the Black Lagoon and even several witches,” said one out of work ghoul actor. “The vampires have ruined it for all of us. I can’t even get a bit part as a reanimated corpse in a J-horror picture. And I’m not “This trend worries me to death,” said one ANY RESEMBLANCE TOTO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY RESEMBLANCE TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL even paid union scale,” he complained. unhappy werewolf. “Sure, there’s a THE few bit TRUTH parts that come up once in a while, and that Vampires have been vacating eastern Europe ‘Team Jacob’ crap has brought a few fans over the past few years. But all of these for decades now, due to a lack of virgin blood. “They’re all making porn now,” said vampires make me want to put a silver one vampire. “The hours are decent here, and bullet through my head.” the scripts are a lot better.” Dracula, Lestat, Edward Cullen, Barnabas Monsters are calling for a boycott of vampire Collins and even the hilarious Grandpa movies. Munster have taken a bite out of the good monster roles in movies according to

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

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IONARIZONA 1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown PHX (602) 258-6122

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

Anvil Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

10. Club 24

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 334-1462

11. Club Zarape

1730 E. McDowell Rd - Phoenix

12. Cruisin’ 7th 13. Dick’s Cabaret

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

15. Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729

16. icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

18. Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 East Van Buren St. - Phoenix

(602) 267-9959

20. OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

21. Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22. Rainbow Cactus

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 971-1086

23. The Rock 24. Roscoe’s

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

25. ZOAN (formerly Z Girl)

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

26. IBT’S See map on pg 76

616 N. 4th Ave. - Tucson

(520) 882-3053

27. Woody’s See map on pg 76 3710 N. Oracle Rd. - Tucson

Recommended

(520) 292-3702

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HANKIE PARTY

SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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IBT’s

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JELLO WRESTLING

Photos by Danny Catt

KENNEDY FIESTA PARK

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IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY Karaoke 1/2 OFF for Arts & Industry

Amsterdam|Miami

Happy Hour $3 Smirnoff/$2 Beer Food served until 2apm

Kiki Vermont $3 Smirnoff Food served until 2apm

Apollo’s

2-4-1 well & domestic 4pm-10pm

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Karaoke 9pm

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft HH 4-7 $2.50 well, bottle & draft

10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft $2 dom bottle 6-9p

Shirtless Sundays! $1.25 Bud Light draft w/ shirt off

$3 “Porn” Pei’s HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

$3 “Raz” Putin’s HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

$10 Bottles of Bubbly until 3pm Half price drinks from 2-7pm

BS West

Elements Show 10pm $3 u-call it beer & $5 cocktails

2-4-1 All Day and All Night Go-go boys, extended patios

Karaoke with Brock @ 9:30p Drink Specials

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Drafts 9:30-11:30/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $3 Bacardi flavors 9p-12a

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Club 24

Open 3pm-2am

Open 3pm-2am MALE STRiPPERS! 8:30pm

Cruisn’ 7th

Dotty Fridays 10:30 pm 2-4-1 Well 6-9pm

Leathermen 4:30 pm Fabulous Mia Saturdays 10:30

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Sun $3 Svedka cocktails 7p-close

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shot Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

R Bliss / ReBAR

R FEZ Friends

Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm $12.50 Mimosa & Bloody Mary Specials

H.H. FREE Appetizers 5-7pm Freeky Friday w/Celia Putty

icepics

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

Great Drag Shows $4 SKYY cocktails 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 drinks

Karamba

Vaquero Fridays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitcher Beer Bust

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 2 -6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day Closes at 4pm

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

OZ Bar

Karaoke w/Miss Gina 9pm-1am 2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm

2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm Texas Hold’em 8 &10pm

L.A.D.S Bingo 1pm & 3pm $1 draft Bud, BL, Amberbock all day

The Rock

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

R Roscoe’s*

Fiesta Friday $3 Cervezas Roscoe’s Dancers @ 10:30pm

Happy Hour 10am-7pm Free Darts All afternoon

Make your Bloody Mary Bar $8 Lg Isnd Pitch. $3 Beer Pitch.

R Switch

Fri: $3 House Margaritas Open from 11am-Midnight

Sat: $3 House Cosmo Martini Open from 10am-Midnight

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade $3 Breakfast Open @ 10

R Ticoz

Fridays 1/2 off Coronas all day Happy Hour 3-6:30pm

Saturday 1/2 off well vodka Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30p

Sundays 1/2 off Sangria Pitch Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30

Happy Hour 5-9pm DJ Spin 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 1 5-9pm DJ Spin 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 5-9pm $5 Heel Lifter w/ John Breem 9p-cl

IBT’s

Flawless Fridays China Colins Karaoke 5-8pm

Saturday Starlets w/Janee Starr

Cheap Ass Sundays Karaoke 4-close

Woody’s

Happy Hour w/ Susan Artemis Second Sunday Special Brunch

Happy Hour 11am-8pm

Happy Hour 11am-8pm Karaoke 4pm-2am

Zoan

TUCSON

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TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Martini Mondays $5 Martinis & $5 Pizza

Margherita Pizza & 2 Margaritas only $15

Dinner for 2 Salad, Pizza and Btl Wine $15

Show Night: Kik Vermont $3 Smirnoff & $3 All Beers

Drag Bingo 10pm 2 for 1 u-call-it all day

Tini Tuesdays $2 off any martini

Happy Hour All Day $2.75 Well & Domestic

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday Beer Bust $1 Bud Light draft 4p-close

KAROKE @9pm $2.50 well, dom bottle & drafts

$5 Mondays All Day & Night $5 Patty Melt / $3 Well Wine

$10 Tuesdays Any sandwich, side & beer $10

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft

2-4-1 U Call It 4pm- close

20% OFF Everything Open-9pm 2-4-1 9pm-Close

$4 Long Island & Skinny Drinks HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

I Love My Wii - Games all night Stars of Tomorrow 8:30p $2 domestic beer / $3 well $1 Off Beer / $2 Off Call

2-4-1 All Day and All Night Go-go boys, extended patios

Amateur Strip Night w/ Mandi $3 u-call it beer & $5 cocktails

Underwear Party 8-cl Half Off with your Pants Off!

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Smirnoff

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer!

Open 3pm-2am

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-4-1 Well 6-9pm

2-4-1 Well 6-9pm Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out TC Taylor hosts 10:30 pm - $2 domestic

Strippers 10:30 pm 2-4-1 Well 6-9pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednesdays $5 Cover and almost everything else

Stripper Karaoke

$3 Burgers $ Margaritas Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$20 Any Bottle of Wine PLUS any small plate!

$3 G Spots Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

Monday Night Karaoke 9p-1a 2-4-1 8am-2pm (M-F)

NEW: Meatgrinder 9p Dating Game w/ Celia Putty

NEW: AMIGOS Go-go boys/DJ $5 Latin Inspired Drink

2-4-1 Thursday Well & Domestic ALL DAY

Karaoke Mondays

GLEE starting at 7pm 2-4-1 drinks during the show

Karaoke starting at 9pm $3 well/$2.50 dom./$4 martinis

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

Karaoke Mondays DJ Ramon $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Salsa Tuesday Savannah Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Top 40 Wed. Barbra Seville $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

TEJANO Ruby Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

$4 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

Pizza/Wine Special Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

BBQ Short Ribs Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

$3 Mexican Beers Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

2-4-1 ALL DRINKS, ALL DAY! In-House Dart League Tour. 8p

Dart League 7pm In-House Cash Pool Tour. 9pm

2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm Texas Hold’em 8 &10pm

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Monday Pool Tournament 2-4-1 beer & well 7pm-close

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday TRIVIA @ 9pm All Day Happy Hour

Gold Fish Races @ 9pm 2-4-1 7pm

Mon: $3 House Chard and Cab Open from 11am-Midnight

Tue: $3 Drunken Italian Sodas Open from 11am-Midnight

Wed: $3 Sangrias Open from 11am-Midnight

Thur: $3 Caipirinhas Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays 1/2 off Mojitos HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Tuesdays 1/2 off Sangrias HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Wednesdays 1/2 off Margaritas HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Thursdays 1/2 off draft beer HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Happy Hour 5-9pm S.I.N. 2-4-1 for service indstry

Happy Hour 5-9pm 2-4-1 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 5-9pm Karaoke @ 9pm

Happy Hour 5-9pm Beer Bust $2.75 Pitchers

Reverse Happy Hour

Taco Tuesdays Only $1 Beer & tequila specials

Viva La Diva! w/ Janee Starr Whiskey Breath Night

Therapy Thursdays 2-4-1 Karaoke 5-8om

Happy Hour 11am-8pm

2-4-1 Tuesdays

Margarita Day & Night $4.50 Margaritas

Craft Beer Night AZ Breweries $3 & FREE pool all day/night

ION ARIZONA

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 93

by Addison DeWitt

t’s the mid-way point! The year is half over! If you haven’t got around to breaking those ridiculous New Year’s Resolutions you made six months ago you’d better stop procrastinating. Face it: you’re not going to lose that 15 pounds and you’re not gonna fit into that bathing suit you bought last year. June is special. Why? Because it’s National Gay Pride Month? No. Because it’s Arizona Dairy Month, that’s why. When I think of all those brave little heifers making milk, cream and cheese for all those little school children and old folks with brittle bones in our great state, I can’t help but get a little misty-eyed. The Milk of Human Kindness flowed like water (which flows a lot like the martinis I was rapidly drinking, I also discovered) at the Southwest Center

for HIV/AIDS “Night for Life” at the swanky Montelucia Resort where they raised a cool five million dollars. And I can tell you, there were some mighty pretty cattle who gave their right arms—well, their entire hide, anyway—for the gorgeous shoes that the dreamy ‘n’ delicious gourmet chef Gabriele Bertaccini wore that night. You might say he’s “udderly divine!” Molto bello! We also spotted the fabulous part Man, part Myth, all Legendary Bob Hegyi (insert applause here) rubbing shoulders with Barney’s New York eccentric nabob Simon Doonan, (both pictured) the evening’s EmCee. It’s okay. He’s English. He’s probably a little cuckoo because he lives in a house full of that ugly, overpriced pottery crap (pictured) his boyfriend Jonathan Adler makes that was so popular with hipsters a few years back. I’d be full-blown, bat-shit June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 95

crazy, too, if I had to live with all that junk in my trailer. The Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus wowed audiences with another spectacular show last month with nearly two-hours of knock ‘em dead performances. Now I’m wondering if merry Mary choristers Devin Slayton and Christopher Bullock are an “item”? They certainly looked chummy at The Rock lately. Here’s a beefcake picture of Devin just because he’s totally sexy. I’d certainly save my “milk money” for time with either one of those boys. I’m just sayin’. One very—well, we’ll say “lucky” (or shocked, at any rate)—audience got an XXXtra special version of “Pop! Goes the Weasel” during a particularly enthusiastic testicular performance of the “nutty” Celia Putty (pictured pre-wardrobe malfunction) when her 96

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

boyish “pulchritudes” attempted to make a quick getaway during one of her numbers. The both of ‘em. I guess you could say that “June Is Busting Out All Over.” Celia, honey, that’s what you get when you buy that cheap, black market Tuck Tape they sell at the 99¢ Only Store and import from Pakilakkistan or somewhere weird that never used to be on the map when I was growing up. Relax, honey. I think everybody saw the your-so-shy “James and the Giant Peaches” back during your days in Hollywood. And you weren’t in the chorus at MGM, either, now were you, dearie? So if you’re not lactose intolerant or vegan, I say celebrate Arizona Dairy this June with me! if you show me your milk mustache, I’ll show you mine! I’ll even give you a “Milk Mustache ride,” if you like, too! Moo! Send Addison a picture of your teats and tell him how you’ll clabber his milk at RumorHound@aol.com

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June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 97

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

You’re very good at giving advice. How about taking it? An Aquarius who cares about you tries to have a heart-to-heart with you about a Sagittarius or a Cancer in your life. It’s actually for your own good. That’s what they all say; but it’s true. Really. Your “get up ‘n’ go” got up and went. You need some quality “me” time to recharge your mental, spiritual, and physical batteries this month. And if you wanna charge up those sexual Eveready Super Heavy Duty Carbon Zinc 6 volters with a blonde Sagittarius. Get a hotel room. Do it! You super-duper creativity is at an all-time high this month. Everything from sock puppets, to tie-dye, to floral arrangements makes you into a regular Martha Stewart. If it’s your birthday, practice fingerpainting on a Libra. Expect a masterpiece. Your heroic stand on an important issue makes you—well—a hero to others this month. You’ll be amazed at the influence you have. Celebrating a birthday? Stick to your guns and this celebration will be extra special, especially where a Scorpio is concerned.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

A trip is on your horizon. It may be faraway, it might be across town. It may include a reunion, either with old friends, family, or even an ex. Ugh. Hopefully it’ll be old friends. Prepare for a barbeque and the ex just in case. An Aries invites you to a pool party.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You have a habit that needs breaking. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but you’ll count it as an achievement if you can tame it. It might be smoking, or watching Glee. Quitting smoking will be much easier. A Gemini is a welcome distraction to both. 98

www.IONAZ.com June 2012

Someone you know and trust offers you some surprising news, so don’t be shocked. Well, okay. Maybe you’ll be just a little shocked. Still, it works to your advantage. A Capricorn shouldn’t find out, but a Leo already knows. They always find out. This month you’ll be asking “Why?” A lot. Your inquisitive nature will bring you many answers. Well, and there’ll be even more questions on your end, too. That’s just the way you are. Examine everything carefully. Most importantly, examine a Taurus carefully. Very carefully. Wink, wink. Drama, drama, drama! Don’t you ever get tired of it? Treat this month as one great big opening night if you like, but don’t be upset if your critics name you “Box Office Poison.” Try an intimate “cabaret act” for your audiences and you’ll have a Scorpio applauding. You’ll be one happy Cappy because something you’ve been pinning your hopes on comes to fruition late in the month. Maybe a job offer. Maybe a move. Or maybe dinner and a show with a Virgo.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Your madcap nature is part of what keeps people wondering what you’ll do next. You may become a lion tamer or save children in a burning orphanage or maybe you’ll mend a fence with a Libra. Try that for starters.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Good advice, bad advice. You do what you damn well please these days. The cosmos don’t lie and you can’t circumvent Divine Interplanetary Cause and Effect. In other words, you don’t fool anybody. We know exactly what you’re up to. And so does a Leo. And a Capricorn. Especially a Virgo.

June 2012 www.IONAZ.com 99