FROM THE EDITOR Here it is…another issue of the Sims Weekly World News. It’s still not all that weekly yet, but here’s hoping in the near future that changes. It’s really hard to keep coming up with stuff to put in the SWWN, especially since there is a staff one. Well, two if you count the mascot llama. In an effort to produce the SWWN more often I am asking for submissions. By submissions I mean Sims 3 photographs. I can make up the stories from the photos. I just need the name of the Sim or Sims in the photos. Not only will I give you credit for photos, I will also provide you with items from your Sims 3 store wish list in thanks for letting me use your images. You can submit your photos either via personal email at simweeklyworldnews@gmail.com,
via
the
page
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sims-Weekly-WorldNews/283213368393611?sk=wall or via the Sims Weekly World News website. Just visit the Photo Submission page. I would like to offer special thanks to TWHaze, Tenderwolf, JadedCat and PuSticks/Mousiemail for giving me so much to work with this time around in the way of photos and material for Gnome Throwdown. You guys are awesome! ~ Georga.
HEADLINES PLANKING…LOGICAL?
For those who don’t have the Internet or totally ignore pop culture, planking is the act of mimicking a wooden plank. The activity consists of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location with both hands touching the side of the body. The most integral part of planking is taking a picture and posting it on the Internet.
Many people find planking to be the dumbest activity ever created while those who practice planking often put themselves in great danger, and sometimes dying, in order to be crowned “Planking God”. What no one expected was for Mr. Spock to get in on the game. A number of reports have been made that Mr. Spock, from the
U.S.S. Enterprise was found planking at Simhege. At least a dozen people were on hand to catch Spock, dressed in his regulation Starfleet uniform, face down in the dirt. We caught up with him to ask him about the event. “Now that Vulcan has been destroyed, Earth is the only home that I have and I don’t get to spend nearly enough time here.” He told us. “When I am home I like to experience everything Earth culture has to offer. This includes planking. I find it very relaxing.”
are sharing them with their friends and family. A minimum of five people every day are showing up on Spock’s porch looking to add an autograph to their photo. Spock’s take on his rising popularity, “It’s illogical.”
Read at www.simsweeklyworldnews.info
ICE CREAM MAN TIED TO RECENT BREAK INS
Spock enjoys planking so much that he has taken it to the universe. “I plank on every planet that we visit. I have another member of the away party take pictures. So far photographs have been taken on 179 worlds as well as in various sections of The Enterprise such as the bridge and engineering. I have introduced 53 alien races to planking. Not only is it popular on Earth, its popularity is growing through out the universe. Never before have alien races embraced any part of Earth culture.”
We reported in our last issue about complaints against local ice cream truck driver, Thom Rhodes. Hundreds of complaints were taken about the hours in which he found it appropriate to deliver ice cream. He could often be found parked in front of houses between the hours of 9:00pm and 7:00am. Almost every resident of Sim City has been woken up in the middle of the night from the calliope music playing from his truck and he has been charged with 72 counts of disturbing the peace.
The planking event at Simhege has gotten Spock some unexpected attention. A number of people on hand that day have had professional quality prints made of the pictures and they
It seems that those citations have added up to more than Mr. Rhodes makes selling ice cream. He was caught breaking an entering into the Ryder house on February 8, 2012 at 3:21am.
The following picture was pulled from security cam footage.
the peace. Police are currently investigating three other robberies from the past week for links to Mr. Rhodes. Mr. Rhodes ice cream truck is currently in impound and will be sold at auction next month to help cover his outstanding citations. His driver’s license as well as his vendor’s license has been suspended and he has asked for a court appointed lawyer. Thom Rhodes has refused to comment.
Police arrived moments later and arrested him before anything was stolen. It is theorized that Rhodes was interested in Mr. Ryder’s rare plum bob shaped gemstone collection. “I have no idea what its worth to be honest. I dug all those gems up in our backyard while looking for other stuff. What’s funny is we just had the security system installed yesterday. Talk about timing.” Mr. Ryder’s roommates had nothing to say about the incident but could be heard whispering between themselves about how he screamed like a little girl when he seen the burglar. Thom Rhodes is currently being held in lieu of $25,000 bail. He is currently being charged with breaking and entering, 35 unpaid parking tickets and the original 72 counts of disturbing
TWO-HEADED HORSE QUICKLY BECOMING FAVORITE PET
Photo by PuSticks
No one is sure where the first Two-Headed Horse came from, but it is quickly becoming a favorite pet among residents of Sim City because of the second head. It’s the sort of strange and unusual thing residents have always gone for. Local animal experts as well as horse breeders have told us that the Two-Headed Horse is only
found in Sim City. Breeders are worried that people from other areas are going to want to them as well. “It’s going to lead to problems,” Justine Tomas, a local horse breeder told us. “It’s one thing selling these horses local, but if these horses become fashionable there is no way that one town can supply a large number of these horses. This is going to lead to unsavory breeding practices. That is going to endanger these horses.” Laandgrab Science Facility scientists are concerned that this is a genetic mutation and warns that it should not be exploited. “These kind of genetic mutations usually mean an early death for the animal. What really needs to happen here is that we figure out what caused this. Did nature screw up? Did we screw up nature? Is it the tiberium?” Darren Jones has two of these incredible horses. “The only problem with them is they are lousy for racing. That’s why I originally bought the two we have. They come from excellent race horse blood lines. The problem is the two heads can’t seem to work together and they both want to go off in different directions. My kids love them though, that alone makes them worth the extra money I spent on them.”
GNOME THROWDOWN
Photo by TWHaze
What started off as a friendly competition has taken a rather unfortunate turn. Two local residents of Appaloosa Plains, known only by their online usernames, HazeTW and Jorghahaq turned a local graphic design competition into a horrifying gnome duel to the death that has become known as Gnome Throwdown. News reports from various news agencies have been coming in almost non-stop. The Society for the Protection of Lawn Ornaments had this to say,"PETG (People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes)
has filed a motion in court against the estate of Hazentw. PETG is asking the court to have the estate donate all assets to "The Home for Abused Gnomes" as compensation for his reckless actions depicted in these photos. It isn't certain which way the court will rule, but it is rumored that the judge has many lawn gnomes himself. We are waiting to see if the estate of Mr. Hazentw will file a motion asking for the judge to recuse himself. We will keep you updated of any further developments." Mr. Haze’s camp reports that his lawyer filed a petition with the court to have the complaint on
the part of PETG dismissed. “Under Simlandia property laws a homeowner has the right to defend his property from trespassers and wildlife by whatever means necessary. The appropriate warning signs were posted about the Guard Cow Plant. Therefore Mr. Haze is not liable for the trespassing gnomes injury and subsequent death.� The Society for the Protection of Lawn Gnomes was quick to respond. "PETG has joined forces with SOCP (Save Our Cow-Plants). It has come to the groups' attention that Mr. Haze may have been mistreating his cow-plant. By trying to forcibly feed it lawn gnomes (which are deadly to Cow-Plants if ingested in large quantities. Therefore, SOCP has urged local law enforcement to search the property for evidence of CowPlant neglect. They are requesting that the Plant be voluntarily turned over to the SOCP for evaluation, care and psychiatric treatment. CowPlants have a documented history of depression following abuse or neglect from their owners. SOCP and PETG have decided to reach out to the Sim public for their support. They hope public pressure will force the court and Mr. Haze's estate to comply with their previous demands. Donations to help fund these groups is always appreciated."
Mr. Haze's lawyer, Ms. Litigious, Released the following press release: Law enforcement arrived at Mr. Haze's home to investigate the claims of cow plant mistreatment. Upon inspection of the property they promptly apologized and left. When the police chief was questioned he replied " Everyone knows only the lamia gnomius (common name vampire gnome) is poisonous to cow plants. Vestus homosgnomius (common name old man gnome) are in fact a favorite treat of the cow plant.
The following letter was sent to PETG and SOCP from Ms. Litigious: I recommend that you cease and desist and withdraw these scurrilous claims against my client. I have several well respected scientists willing to testify that old man gnomes are not poisonous to cow plants in any quantity. I have filed an injunction for defamation of character and slander. You are also in danger of a counter suit for the attempt to remove Mr. Haze's beloved cow plant from his custody which caused him great distress.
It is also being reported that the group PETA and a radically right
wing Sim supremacist group known as Sims First have joined forces today. They are paying for MR. Haze's defense and mocking PETG and SOCP in the press. They ask if PETG would prefer MR. Haze feed the cow plant pets or Sims. They point out that cow plants require large amounts of food and that trespassing lawn ornaments seem a better alternative then feeding it horses or dogs or even Sims as some have been reported to do. They also point out that as the incident occurred in Mr. Haze's back yard on private property and no animals or Sims were harmed it is no one's business but Mr. Haze.
gnomes are capable of they are quickly getting rid of them. Many have been listed on sites such as Simslist and sBay while others have found their way into garbage cans. A protest is planned at City Hall next week to urge Sim City Mayor to pass legislation banning all lawn gnomes. Meanwhile Jorghahaq is being held for questioning in the death of HazeTW. It is unknown at this time if the death was an accident as Jorghahaq claims or if it was intentional.
Police arrived on the scene to find a gruesome state of affairs as well as the local paparazzi taking photos which have been released to the public via the Internet and social networking websites.
ANIMAL TESTING AT SIM UNIVERSITY ANGERS ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS
Photo by TWHaze
Animal rights activists are up in arms about animal testing taking place at Sim University. Professor Hyde, a well known mad scientist who used to work for Laandgrab Science Facility before he was future endeavored due to questionable ethics, has been performing, and encouraging his students to perform unusual tests on a unicorn procured specifically for his biology class.
Now that the general public is aware of the carnage that lawn
No one knows the nature of the tests. Mr. Hyde isn’t talking and neither are any of the students
involved, despite being expelled from the university. Various animal rights groups got wind of the university having a unicorn when it was paraded around last year as part of the Homecoming half time show. The school has been petitioned to surrender the unicorn on the grounds that unicorns are endangered animals. Most people are never lucky enough to see a unicorn and many believe that they are the stuff of fairy tales. Earlier this week Professor Hyde posted a picture of the unicorn on his Facebook page that angered animal rights groups.
Photo by Tenderwolf
“It’s obvious from looking at this picture that the unicorn is angry and probably in distress,” Collin Joseph told us. “You know,
when upset unicorns can set fire to just about anything. I am really surprised that SU has not reported any fires. The other thing is, there is something wrong with its face. It looks scarred. That is a recent development. This animal was flawless at Homecoming. Mr. Hyde was fired from Laandgrab for his questionable ethics. Why is he being allowed to teach? The unicorn should be surrendered and Mr. Hyde fired.” University administration has not released a statement other than to say that Mr. Hyde is under review. And a decision will be made shortly regarding his tenure.
LOCAL SIMS DEMAND A DRESS CODE FOR THE PAPARAZZI Sooner or later everyone has an encounter with the Sim City Paparazzi. Maybe you are out at dinner at a fancy restaurant when they show up taking pictures of the people at the table next to you. Maybe you got lucky and found yourself dating a celebrity and are now part of the local gossip. You learn very quickly what is considered private and public. It’s even worse if you are one of the celebrities. You can’t shake the paparazzi, they even show up at your house, looking in your windows waiting for you to make your grand exit where they can take pictures and make up news. For most residents of Sim City they have learned to ignore the paparazzi and go on with their life. Sometimes that is hard to do. Especially when members of the paparazzi are breaking every fashion rule that they criticize celebrities for. Aspiring rock star Newt Davies told us, “It’s really embarrassing when I am out somewhere and some reporter is shoving a camera in my face and he or she is dressed worse than I am.” Newt is rarely seen without his signature ripped
jeans. “That is so not punk rock.” This photograph was taken of paparazzi member Kristen Cashore not long after she showed up at Davies house and 11:43pm.
“I thought she was one of those weird homeless people looking for food and was going to start going through our trash can. I almost went all Pete Townshend on her with my guitar.” This isn’t the first time that residents have complained about the dress code, or lack there of, of the local paparazzi. Now Sims are demanding that something be done about it. City Hall is being petitioned to enact a dress code that members of the paparazzi must follow. During an anti-paparazzi protest that was recently held outside of City Hall Alouette Bird told us, “We are getting tired of these wannabe news reporters showing up dressed in everything from lingerie to stuff that the local homeless shelter discards. They need to present themselves with some sort of professionalism and decorum.” Members of the paparazzi defend their clothing by saying they can’t take hours to look like a runway model before leaving the house. If they did they would miss out on approximately 17 celebrity sightings a week. “We aren’t asking them to look like fashion plates. We are asking them to put on some dang pants.” Bird responded.
SWWN BOOK CLUB (You won’t find any of that Oprah Book Club crap here.)
Forbidden by Tenderwolf http://forbidden-ts3.blogspot.com
Who You Are by KimABC http://kimabc3story.blogspot.com
The Lost Pyramid by PuSticks http://thelostpyramid.wordpress.com
Chris Johnson Tells All by Simaticsims http://chrisjohnsontellsall.wordpress.com
The White Rainbowcy by Wicked JR http://thewhiterainbowcy.blogspot.com
Lily on the Water by Beaglelover2008 http://lilypadstory.blogspot.com
DEAR JULIET Dear Juliet is a new advice column feature where self proclaimed relationship expert Juliet answers reader’s questions about love, sex and relationships.
Dear Juliet – Valentines Day is coming up and I don’t know what to do for my girlfriend. It doesn’t seem fair that society, and more importantly the media, has brainwashed society into thinking that they need to buy their loved one expensive gifts to show how much they love them. I mean, a guy can’t win. If you don’t buy chocolates your girl gets mad, and if you buy chocolate your girl gets mad and yells at you for trying to make her fat and then goes off on some tirade on how she will get fat and then you will leave her for some other prettier (translated: thinner) girl. If you buy some sort of jewelry she will expect something bigger and better the following year and while flowers are nice, they die. I won’t even get into girls getting together and comparing presents to see who got the best gift and to make each other feel inferior. What to do? ~ V Day Idiot
Dear Idiot – You have a couple of choices. 1. Make the day special in some unique way that she won’t forget. I am not talking unique in going to see a dozen mimes being stuck in a box on Broadway unique. You know what sort of stuff she likes to do and what is important to her. If you don’t, you shouldn’t be together. 2. Ask her what she wants. 3. Buy her a hamster.
Dear Juliet – I want to propose to my girlfriend but don’t know how. I mean, I want to do something romantic that she won’t forget. Have any ideas? ~N.D.
Dear N – Believe me, no matter what you do, she won’t forget. Your girlfriend will probably be impressed if you shower, shave, brush your teeth and put on clean clothes before you ask.
CLASSIFIEDS FOR SALE – 27 vintage 8-track tapes. Many classics. $200 or best offer. 555-876-2369 LOST DOG: Medium sized mutt. Last seen outside the Appaloosa Plains pet store. Answers to Bacon Bits. Reward. 555-7858 FREE TO GOOD HOME: Kittens, kittens and more kittens. It’ a kittenpolosa. 555-4528 MISSED CONNECTION: Seen you at the park in Hidden Springs. You were skinny dipping in the lake despite the no swimming signs. Like what I saw. Reply to box 9874 WANTED: Chemistry table, bicycle, shower in a can, lawn gnomes, and toy robots. Will pay top dollar. 555-1429 SEMINAR: The Sunset Valley Botany Club is hosting a seminar Thursday Feb. 16 at 4:15 at the high school on the proper care and feeding of cow plants. Cost is $10 per person. Continuing education credit awarded. Register in advance at SVBotany.com or at the door. WOMAN SEEKING ANYONE: New to Bridgeport and looking to meet like minded potential
friends. I enjoy reading, going to clubs, swimming and looking at male underwear models. Reply to box 3984. No weirdos, teenagers or Virgos. FOR SALE: Slightly used Simbot. Last years model. Serious inquiries only. 555-9367 STUD SERVICE: Cute brown and white male stallion looking for equally cute mares wishing to start a family. Pedigree provided upon request. 555-3268 COMMUNITY BLOOD DRIVE: Visit Sunset Valley Library this Saturday and Sunday and donate blood. Vampires will not be admitted to the library these days. Plan accordingly.
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