Finding Your Way

FINDING YOUR WAY FOLLOWING A STILLBIRTH OR INFANT DEATH

By Christian Counselling Services

When finding your way following a stillbirth or death of an infant child, recognize that:

• You are grieving a significant loss – a loss which is often invisible to others.

• Your grief may include crying, feelings of helplessness, loss of hope, loss of interest in daily activities, loss of appetite, or difficulty with concentration.

• You may also struggle with feelings of guilt or blame – feeling that somehow you were responsible.

• You may find it difficult to be around other families with a baby or young child.

• You may feel angry – with others or yourself.

• It may be difficult to return home and face the preparations you made for the baby’s arrival.

• Your marriage may be affected as you and your partner grieve in different ways.

• You may find that your faith life has been rocked and you may be angry or upset with God, asking, “Why me?”

• Even if the pregnancy was unplanned, you will encounter grief.

Take care of yourself by:

• Seeking support that is meaningful to you. Not everyone grieves in the same way.

• Finding ways to express your loss such as talking with others, journaling, and/or prayer.

• Accessing resources such as groups, counselling services, or meeting with your pastor to assist with your grief.

• Engaging with your partner for mutual care and support as you recover from this loss.

• Recognizing and accepting that family or friends may not understand your feelings and perhaps make insensitive comments.

• Acknowledging your feelings about your grief to God and asking for help to accept this loss.

If you have other children, let them know about this loss and support them with their questions and feelings. Be sensitive to their stage of development as this information may not be appropriate for young children. Some couples find it helpful to remember their deceased child in a specific way, such as through pictures, a special plant in a garden, a diary, or a candle.

While it may be difficult, do your best to love yourself and recall all the ways that God loves you.

Christian Counselling Services is a Toronto-based community of professionals offering counselling and psychotherapy services for people who are searching help with psychological, emotional and /or spiritual healing, growth and change. Their goal is to work in partnership with you by exploring the issues and challenges which are disrupting or constricting your ability to enjoy greater fullness of life. Find out more about their services by visiting 2 Carlton Street, Suite 1009, Toronto, ON M5B 1J3, calling 416-489-3350 or logging on to http://www.christiancounsellingservices.com.

The pink and blue ribbon is a symbol of baby loss awareness