3 minute read
WATCH, WAIT, WONDER by Jo Henwood
Welcome to the world of the newborn baby – tunnel vision, seeing only black and white, but not yet able to focus on which marine creature that might be.
"Any new mum or dad knows how hard it is to get parenting right but what if you have no positive reference points to even begin to build a bond with your baby?
In steps Building Attachments and Bonds (BABS) – an award winning service that supports parents to build secure attachments and loving bonds with their babies at the same time as breaking negative life cycles.
Consultant clinical psychologist Dr Lisa Marsland said: “When you become a new parent it brings to the fore your own experiences, your relationship with your parents and feelings and thoughts that have been locked away since you were a baby yourself – we call them ‘ghosts in the nursery’.
“Lots of things can get in the way of a parent’s ability to bond with their baby – if there was a childhood spent in care, domestic violence, alcohol abuse, adverse mental health or even a traumatic birth they can all get in the way of building attachments.
“We work with mums, dads and other members of the family to help them separate out their past and present difficulties and start developing positive bonds with their new baby.”
Crystal, 27, has had mental health issues throughout her life and was referred to BABS by her midwife during pregnancy. Her baby Clayton is just four months old but, thanks to BABS, she began building a bond with him before he was even born.
Health visitor and BABS team leader Mel Harrison.
“When I was pregnant, I joined a group and we learnt how your baby can hear you when it is inside so I started talking to my bump,” she says.
Turning to health visitor Mel Harrison and mental health practitioner Gemma Docherty, they laugh at how she reacted when they suggested she might play Ed Sheeran to her baby in the womb.
“He’s not my favourite!” she smiles.
The Getting to Know Your Baby course is delivered jointly by BABS and Knowsley Early Years Service.
With help from BABS, Crystal is able to describe her feelings in the first weeks of Clayton’s life as ‘amazing, happy, strong, caring’. She has learnt baby massage and her eyes light up when she talks about how much Clayton loves seeing the ducks in the park. She describes his joy at watching stars on his ceiling at night but how much he hates the noise of the blender. And she learnt on the day we met that Clayton is not that interested in make-up.
“I put him in his cot this morning and chatted to him while I was putting on my make up. I looked around and he had fallen asleep!”
Gemma is clear: “Relationships are everything. We encourage mums to watch, wait and wonder – to think about what their babies are seeing and feeling, what they are smelling, what they are hearing – and hold their baby in mind.”
When Mel and Gemma talk to Crystal about what to expect when she weans him on to solid food, once again they focus on the messages baby gives out.
“He will start watching you eating and may make a grab for the food,” says Mel. “What do you think he will like best – main meal or pudding?“
Without hesitation Crystal replies: ‘Oh main meal – definitely.”
It’s clear from watching the loving bond between Crystal and Clayton that BABS’ work pays massive dividends, but the real saving is when one less child is taken into the care system.
• If you would like to find out more about the Parent Infant Mental Health Service BABS ask your midwife, health visitor or GP.
