4 minute read
WHO CARES?
What makes a carer? And why do we need to give them a voice? We discover what support is out there – and talk to carers who found a special bond with people like them.
Ann Hanlon is a passionate advocate of carers – including those who often don’t see themselves as such. “You might see yourself as a mother, a daughter a sister. Or a brother, a father, a son. You may see yourself as the friend of someone you care for. Let’s be clear, if you are helping someone because they are ill or disabled, then you are a carer.
She should know. Her day job may be leading Mersey Care’s Carer Engagement Team, but Ann has been a carer herself.
“You’re in a bubble, it can be relentless. Decisions are out of your hands. Your daily life revolves around your caring role; what time you get up, eat, go to bed. You might feel resentful at being put in this situation, or guilty when you lose patience.
“The loss of control is huge. When you’re in that pressured situation you don’t always have the headspace to think about anything but making sure the person you care for is ok and getting all the help that they need. You can forget about you. That’s when we can help.
“The first thing we do when someone comes to us is to listen. Everyone in our team either is or has been a carer. We know how important it is to have someone to tell your story to, someone to truly understand where you’re coming from. We’re a safe space to release your frustration, anger, upset, guilt, disappointment – and let you know that it’s ok to feel those things. We’ll stay with you and when you need help, we’ll be there.
“I understand people might think a carer group isn’t for them; that they don’t have time. Or they feel caring is already taking over their life. But sometimes hearing other people’s experience is needed to give you licence to feel the same.
“There’s a myth about reaching out, a view that there’s nothing out there. Or you may not know what you need. It’s things like knowing more about a condition or negotiating visiting times that suit you if you work shifts. We’ll arrange for someone to contact you. We’ll organise a carer assessment to see what help you can get.
“When you don’t want to call us that’s often when you need help most. Give us a call.”
For information and advice go to: Caring for our carers: merseycare.nhs.uk/carers
Lindsey Van Der Westhuizen still grieves for both her dad and her mum who she’s losing to dementia. She tells how carer support has helped her look after them both while battling with her own health.
My mum loved going out and having fun. She changed almost overnight. We know now she has vascular dementia but it’s taken years to unravel.”
While Lindsey’s mum was recovering from heart surgery, her dad became unwell too. “No one knew what was wrong with him, I had to watch as he deteriorated.
“I went from working full time living in my own home with my husband, to being a full time carer and living with my parents.
“I was determined to make things ok for them but I took on too much. I went on a mission to help them but along the way I developed ulcerative colitis and then breast cancer. It was a horrendous time.
“You constantly put yourself to the back of the queue. When I saw an email about mental health first aid training I thought, ‘This will be good for both my mum and me’. I went into that course as Lindsey the carer wanting to help my mum, but I rediscovered parts of me that I’d lost along the way. I even found my sense of humour!
“We were all so grateful for what we got from each other, as well as from the course, that we set up a WhatsApp group to stay in touch. Most of all I learnt that I’m not alone.”
