EDITOR’S
NOTE
Venting...... Everyone has a box that they have created. Inside that box are ideas of life and love and how it should go for him or herself. When in a relationship, you must be mindful that both will step outside that box at one time or another....not in a defiant way, but mistakes will be made and you will not always agree. Cliche: We are human and nobody is perfect. Now, if someone should step out of the box, the LOVE should be no less than when you first fell. Because inside everyone’s box, should be communication, along with commitment. What breaks down a relationship, is when you remove the main ingredient that got you together anyway. People like to think its the sex, the pretty face, the money, the banging body, the car....But you have to have communication to get to those things. Unless you are a complete idiot (man or woman), then LOVE is wasted on you and there is no hope for you anyway. Now sometimes you can step out of the box and your actions warrant not to be forgiven and a another chance will be wasted on you. When you rebuild your box, be sure to include life lessons and keep communication and commitment right on top. Sometimes you can step out of the box and it can be little things, like leaving the soap in the tub, not taking the garbage out, not putting gas in the car, etc....this is when (my opinion) the communication skills comes into play. Cliche: A relationship is work. Please know, talking to all your friends about your problem and not talking to the one who have the problem with, is not good communication. IJS........ Always LOVE
“The Ugly Duckling”
What is your definition of “Ugly”? As I ponder about the real message of the fairytale; “The Ugly Duckling”. I reflect back to my past and realize there is a deeper message to be discovered if we reflect long enough. Growing up in a South in a community that was small, and having to overcome obstacles, challenges and barriers of being called “Ugly” helped me understand why God created me. When reading the story of “The Ugly Duckling”, by Hans Christian Anderson, I could relate to what the duck was experiencing. The ugly duckling struggled to know who he truly was as others kept if from him. Deep down in his heart he wanted to be accepted by everyone, especially his family. I grew up in a Christian home, where my parent preached the gospel and made sure our faith walk was according to the biblical teaching of the church and of the bible. Therefore, we were taught to love each other as Christ loved the church, never once did I ever feel like I was not accepted in my own family. As time progressed and I became old enough to be involved in the community I had a rude awaking. I can remember the year I started 7th grade, this was the worst years of my life. I struggled with being accepted by my peers. My inner voice held me in a prison called “ugliness, uselessness, and worthlessness. I question myself; “Why didn’t I looked the same as the others, why was I so dark, why did I wear braces and glasses, why was I so ugly? Why didn’t walk with style, or assurance, why was I so useless? These are the questions that pondered my mind. My classmates had formed an image of me that I voided every day; this image became
who I was. I felt as though I was too different to be accepted by anyone. As I begin to get older, and formed a personal relationship with God. I ask God; “Why did you make me so UGLY?” God replied I created you in the image that will reflect me. The passage of Psalm 139:14 stood out in my memory; “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well”. God reminded me; the integrity of any testimony is based on two factors: the credibility of the testimony and the credentials of the witness. Right then I started working on building my confidence and accepting what God has created me to be. In the purest sense, confidence to understand, what you’re good at, the value you provide, and acting in a way that conveys that to others. As I grew up the voices that has shaped my identity subsided and I found myself praying, and seeking god, and longing for a new me. The once ugly girl with a dark complexion, braces, and glasses has been transformed into a confident, self-assured, women of God. I am on a journey discovering my true inner beauty. Underneath the layers of awkwardness and ordinariness is a beautiful person created to live in their fullness; hiding inside is a unique individual who was designed to be someone special. My inner beauty, made in the image of God cries to come out, to be spoken, to claim who I really am. And that beautiful unique person longs to bring blessing to others, just as the “ugly duckling” blessed all who gazed upon him. In conclusion I have; like the “ugly duckling” come to the realization of who I really am. As we gaze upon his beauty and ponder upon Gods promises in scripture. I can make the connection to the spirituality of my reflection; I crossed the invisible barriers to that I longed for. I can only begin to dream of what lays locked inside, waiting to emerge and become the expression of the beautiful person that God created me to be. I’ve learned you have to be you own kind of Beautiful…..
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Please. . . Do your African brothers and sisters a favor. Pay homage to those who have lost their lives and will lose their lives in our constant struggle to be free. Show respect for our ancestors who sacrificed for the same and do not get caught up in the holiday hype encouraging you to consume for the sake of tradition. Boycott spending with anyone that doesn’t look like you this holiday season. Take that money and invest it in yourselves, your families, or the community as much as possible. Every single American store, the Footlockers, the Targets, the Walmarts, the Best Buys, the Toys R Uses, and so on, need a hefty 4th quarter earnings-wise and they can pretty much count on Africans to more than put them over the top towards the end of every single year. They start with the psychological manipulations towards the end of September like clockwork. Our children have been conditioned to want things they do not need and they have come to expect these things from us because we’ve all come to believe that love is expressed through the accumulation of excess, of things. Many of us save money during the entire year just to give it away to these stores at the end of the year. Many of us simply forego important bills or are forced to live frugally the first months of the New Year just to pile up boxes under a tree, nothing to do with love, everything to do with materialism and hyper-consumption. I’m certain the Walmart family appreciates our collective affliction. They don’t respect us in the least but our money is always welcome. We justify our self-destructive spending habits in a myriad of ways that speak to addiction. Both a crackhead and an alcoholic can always produce the most elaborate excuses or justifications for why they refuse to stop killing themselves abusing toxic substances. As a collective, our spending habits have been far more than toxic to us, they’ve been both toxic and debilitating. Africans, as a collective, possess $1.1 million dollars in spending power, yet we do not control or own one single community in this entire country. We live in neighborhoods we do not own and are therefore subject to being moved around through gentrification every 3 or 4 decades whenever Whites see fit to move us. Those of us that have the means attempt to go live among them and when too many of us join them in their enclaves and cul-de-sacs, they simply pack up and move taking their high housing appraisals and commercial investment with them.
Far too many European designers that have expressed nothing but hatred for Black people can depend on us to pay their bills yearly; we keep their doors open single-handedly. I’m not a religious person but whatever your religion is, whomever your God is, I guarantee no associated holy book endorses needless and self-destructive spending. At some point, we have to begin to see enormous value in ourselves and not adorning ourselves in over-valued goods produced by others for their own benefit. We can’t become rich as a people if we’re continually surrendering our wealth to others as a result of our egos and emotionalism. There simply is no justifiable reason we continue to place ourselves in last place economically. Yes. Black lives matter indeed. Our children’s lives matter and we cannot continue to pass down the same stagnation to our children every single generation. Teach our children the value of money and credit and smart uses of it. Teach our children to spend where they will be hired to work. Teach them to spend with people who respect them. Teach them to produce, versus being hyper-consumers. Teach them to spend with people that look like them as a means of enriching the collective. Teach them to not spend at all when there is no need. Teach them to SAVE money. We have been conditioned to spend money on cue on calendar holy-days which works perfectly for the stores and the system of capitalism overall as high revenues are expected on these days, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, and Christmas. Truth is, if we want to express affinity for our loved ones via spending a few dollars on them, it doesn’t require a calendar holy-day to do so. I don’t need Sweetest Day to feel compelled to treat my girlfriend to dinner and a movie. I don’t need a Christ-mass to purchase clothing for my grandson. Time to separate ourselves from the training, it’s time to break with unhealthy tradition. A boycott isn’t the endgame, as it would need to be sustained and not just a few months. It will make a strong statement and these stores will feel those losses in revenue, but we need to adopt a boycott mindset as a routine way of spending and not over-spending irresponsibly if we ever expect to be respected. There is MUCH more to do but boycotting these holy-days this year is a valiant beginning. We need to show these folks that don’t value us that we are NOT their dependents. It’s actually the other way around, they expect and NEED our money. This has been the case for a very long time; they have always depended on us to keep them wealthy and as a corollary they depend on our defiant ignorance. If you must, spend with us. .otherwise, not one dime . . Show US some LOVE!
Fear Management Stan Popovich
ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE WILL NOT TAKE AWAY YOUR FEARS Alcohol and substance abuse or any other addictions will not take away your problems and fears. In the short run, they might make you feel better, but in the long run these addictions will only make things worse. So what do you do to make your problems and fears go away? Well, since you can’t runaway from them, then the best solution is to tackle your fears head on no matter how strong they may be. The key is to be smart in how you try to manage these fears. Here are some ways in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties. The first step is to learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself. Remember that no one can predict the future with one hundred percent certainty. Even if the thing that you feared does happen there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. For instance, let’s say at your place of work that you miss the deadline for a project you have been working on for the last few months. Everything you feared is coming true. Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. Remember: we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference. Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that makes you feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket. Whenever you feel depressed or frustrated, open up your small notebook and read those statements. This will help to manage your negative thinking.
Be smart in how you deal with your fears and anxieties. Do not try to tackle everything all at once. When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, break the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success. The important thing is to get the proper help by seeing a professional. Avoiding your problem through the use of alcohol or other substances will do nothing in the long run in fixing your problems. It will just make things worse. Managing your fear and anxieties will take some hard work. Be patience, persistent and stay committed in trying to solve your problem. BIOGRAPHY: Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods” - an easy to read book that presents a general overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com
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