Just Out February 2013 by Just Out

LOVE i s s u e T H E

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February 2013

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February

2013 Features 18

Corinna & Julie’s Day

The couple’s wedding day was one part romantic and two parts fun.

Marriage

Getting Hitched

Everything you need to know to make your way to the alter or the courthouse.

A&E

Garden

Loving Dance

Meet the couple behind White Bird.

Ambassadors of Soil

A married couple’s love for the earth and gardening.

34 Home

White Bird

Editor's Note

16 Community 24 Spirit

8 Notebook

Our People

10 Voices

Advertiser’s Index

12 MIND

41 Marketplace

14 Politics

42 Calendar

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Understanding Design 6 tips to creating a home you love and the one you have dreamed of.

Cover

7 Anniversary

Weddings

Contents 6

Let’s Talk Love, Loss, & Antics Five unique Portlanders express their feelings about Valentine’s Day.

Heart to Hearts

Just Out’s Art Director and Photographer, Horace Long, shot the February, 2013 cover of Summer. Read more about her and the others featured in Heart To Hearts on Page 18.

February 2013

February 2012

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EDITOR’S NOTE | QPDX

by Alley Hector

“

...the truth is I will always love you. I have you burned into my heart and tattooed on my body.”

Dear Valentine, Late winter has never been my favorite time of year. I’m suffering from post-holiday-let-down and, whether I’m single or coupled, Valentine’s Day has never been one of my favorite holidays. Don’t get me wrong, I like an excuse to book dinner at a fancy restaurant and an buy massage oil and expensive chocolate, but the sugar-coated commerciality gets to me almost as much as either the pressure to make your partner love you more or the loneliness of not having one to disappoint. That said, like the occasional weeks of amazing sun Portland can sometimes get in February, the month of red and pink can sometimes surprise you with intense moments of love and joy. I’ll be spending the very beginning of the month traveling islands off the coast of South America with one of my best friends in the world, certainly a love as important as anyone I ever bought sex toys with. And while this has plenty of potential for its own post-vacation sadness, who knows what the rest of the month has in store. Sure, it is bound to have its rainy, gloomy days. It will have days where I am freezing after riding my bike in the pouring rain or having been splashed at the bus stop by careless drivers. It will have moments where I want to tear my hair out, yell at my loved (and less loved) ones, hide in the darkness of my room. But it will also see the very beginnings of bright flowers poking their heads out of the ground in this wildly fertile land we live on. Sexual energy and the will to urge spring forth will be in the air. It will have the intense love and care of my family, a few sweet nothings from friends or lovers, the support of my close-knit but diverse LGBTQ community, and even random acts of kindness by strangers. It will continue to be the constant reminder that I consistently seem to need that I am very blessed to live in this place with these people. So this is my love letter to you, Portland. We’ve had our good times: a long honeymoon period, birthing and co-parenting babies of art, writing and music. We’ve had our rough patches: fought, cheated on each other, almost broken up so many times, been to couples counseling. But the truth is I will always love you. I have you burned into my heart and tattooed on my body. So Portland, will you be mine?

Just Out’s Editor-In-Chief Alley Hector writes QPDX. Reach her at Alley@JustOut.com.

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alley Hector ART DIRECTOR Horace Long A&E EDITOR Ken Hoyt HISTORIAN AT-LARGE Robin Will COPY EDITOR Ellen Fiscus REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS Cathleen Busha Anna Deligio Atlas Flynn Jonathan Hopp Anne Jaeger Brad Larsen Logan Lynn Scott MacDonald Lyska Mondor Courtney O’Donnell Mary Emily O’Hara Leo Schuman Aaron Spencer Rev. Jennifer Yocum SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR Evrim Icoz DIRECTOR OF SALES Eddie Glenn Rivendell Media, Inc. authorized national advertising representative

just out™

Founded in 1983 FORMER PUBLISHERS

Founders Renee LaChance & Jay Brown Marty Davis

Just Out has a long and proud history of informing and entertaining the LGBTQ community in Oregon and SW Washington, our supporters near and far, and working to build bridges that lead to justice, fairness, and equality for all people.

Love, Alley

EXECUTIVE EDITOR Jonathan Kipp

Printed in the U.S.A.

February 2013

ANNIVERSARY | 1983 - 2013

by Robin Will JUST OUT IS CELEBRATING OUR 30TH YEAR OF PUBLISHING UNDER THIS TITLE BY DEVOTING THIS SPACE TO TELLING THE STORIES OF IMPORTANT HISTORICAL MOMENTS. THE GAY AND LESBIAN ARCHIVES OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST (GLAPN), WHO HOUSE NOT ONLY EVERY JUST OUT ISSUE PRINTED SINCE OUR 1983 INAUGURATION,, BUT MANY OTHER SIGNIFICANT BITS OF LOCAL LGBT HISTORY, ARE OUR PARTNERS IN THIS LOOK BACK OVER THREE DECADES.

Imagine this: you have enjoyed a passionate night with your special someone, and in the morning, you head out for breakfast. Outside, you find your landlady and two policemen waiting. Another robbery, you think, or a weirdo on the loose. No. Your nosy landlady never really liked you much. She’s sure there’s something wrong when two men spend so much time together. She has reported you to the authorities. The policemen are there to arrest you! The charge will be sodomy. Your apartment will be searched. Your friend may be charged, or offered a deal to testify against you. You may plead guilty – or plan on standing trial. Witnesses will be called. The newspapers will be involved. You will almost certainly be fired from your job. If convicted, you will spend one to 15 years in the state penitentiary. It sounds like something out of the dark ages – but until 1972, this could have happened in Oregon. Before 1965, along with the prison sentence, you could have been sterilized! But, you’re thinking, you’d never be convicted. There were no witnesses. There is no evidence. Besides, Americans don’t go around sterilizing people. That would be incorrect, times four. “Perverts” and “moral degenerates” were often convicted on testimony alone, and the Eugenics Board referral was automatic. Oregon’s first sodomy law dates from 1853. In 1913 the law’s scope was expanded, and the maximum penalty tripled. It specifically banned anal and oral sex, along with unnamed “perversions,” and treated it all the same as sex with animals. In 1928, consensual masturbation was included, and in 1961, the Oregon Supreme Court added cunnilingus to the list. Sodomy law got extra bite in 1917, from a eugenics law that authorized sterilization of the “feebleminded,” habitual criminals, sexual “perverts,” and “moral degenerates.” Arrest, imprisonment and sterilization didn’t always happen. But it could happen, and there was little recourse. When someone lived out and proud before 1972, this was the risk they took. Fortunately for us, things changed. After 1965, the eugenics law applied only to the mentally ill and the mentally retarded, and it was repealed for good in 1983, the year Just Out was first published. In 1972, Oregon was among the first to decriminalize consensual adult sexual activity, except for prostitution. Nationally, sodomy laws were struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas, in 2003. § Robin Will is the third generation of his family to be born in Oregon. His great-great-grandparents were among the first members of the Aurora Colony, the Utopian commune that dissolved in 1883 to become town of Aurora, Oregon. A Portlander since 1956, Robin graduated from Benson Polytechnic High School in 1966, with a major in Graphic Arts. He began college at Pacific University, Forest Grove, in 1966, and graduated from Portland State University in 2007. His work experience has been primarily in the field of publishing, sometimes as a writer or editor, sometimes in print production management. Currently self-employed, he writes for several Portland publications, edits newsletters for nonprofits, and assists local car collectors in the areas of documentation and display in addition to working with GLAPN.

February 2013

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Notebook (BOOK)

Stories For Boys

In Stories for Boys — a memoir of fathers and sons recently released by Hawthorne books — Gregory Martin struggles to reconcile the father he thought he knew with a man who has just survived a suicide attempt; a man who had been having anonymous affairs with men throughout his thirty nine years of marriage; who now must begin his life as a gay man. Martin explores, with humor and bracing candor, the impact his father’s lifelong secrets have upon his life now as a husband and father of two young boys. Stories for Boys is resonant with conflicting emotions and the complexities of family sympathy, and asks the questions: How well do we know the people that we think we know the best? And how much do we have to know in order to continue loving them? Gregory Martin is the author of Mountain City a memoir, which received a Washington State Book Award and was named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year. He teaches creative writing at the University of New Mexico. hawthornebooks.com

(MUSIC)

Comp 175

Comp 175 is a benefit record for Queer programs and services in the Pacific Northwest: 36 bands, 45 songs, 15 bucks. All profits from this release go directly to Q Center, which operates both the LGBTQ Community Center and the Sexual and Gender Minority Youth Resource Center (SMYRC). The title comes from Section 175 — a provision of the German Criminal Code from 1871 to 1994 that made homosexuality a crime. Over 140,000 people were convicted under the law. The Nazis broadened the law in 1935 and thousands died in concentration camps as a result of the prosecutions that followed. The eclectic mix of musicians include local favorites such as Atole, Kerry Hallett, Kelly Moe, and Magic Mouth as well as international acts such as “drag terrorist” Christeene, Peaches, hip-hoppers GodDes, and She and Scream Club, romantic singer/songwriter Tom Goss and tons more. A more diverse set of LGBT musicians you can’t find on any other compilation. facebook.com/Comp175

Built Style. A new docu-series on the Style channel. (l-r) Gage Cass, Sandy Dias, Shane Duffy, Donny Ware, Mike Keute Photo by John Russo/STYLE

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CHECK OUT STYLE’S NEW APPROACH TO STYLISH LIVING. “BUILT,” A NEW DOCU-SERIES WHICH FOLLOWS HIGH-FASHION MALE MODELS WHO MOONLIGHT AS HANDYMEN, DEBUTED IN JANUARY. EACH ONE-HOUR EPISODE GIVES VIEWERS FRONT-ROW ACCESS TO BEAUTIFUL MEN, LOCATIONS AND LUXURY DESIGN. THE SHOW’S TAGLINE — “A GREAT REMODEL STARTS WITH THE RIGHT STUD.” SORRY WE COULDN’T RESIST. ON STYLE. CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS.

February 2013

(HIV)

New CDC Data

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released estimates of the number of new HIV infections in the United States — including new data for 2010 and trends in recent years. These latest incidence estimates provide the most up-to-date picture of the U.S. HIV epidemic. Key findings include: • Overall, the number of new HIV infections in the United States has remained stable at approximately 50,000 per year over the last decade. • This is the first CDC incidence report to show a statistically significant decline in new infections among African American women (21% comparing 2008 to 2010). • New infections among young gay and bisexual men (ages 13-24) continued to rise sharply (by 22% comparing 2008 to 2010). • Gay and bisexual men of all ages, races and ethnicities, African Americans, and Latinos continue to be most affected by the epidemic. The annual number of new infections in the United States has remained stable despite continued increases in the number of people living with HIV, indicating that HIV testing, treatment and prevention programs are making an important impact.

(MARRIAGE)

54% Approval

A new survey from Public Policy Polling finds that 54 percent of Oregon voters favor allowing same sex couples to marry, while 40 percent are opposed. That almost mirrors the yes vote for the same sex marriage law in Washington state, which was approved by 53.7 percent of voters.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER TWO YEARS, DUE TO STRONG READER DEMAND, THE ADVOCATE, WHICH HAS BEEN SOLD ONLY BY SUBSCRIPTION SINCE 2010, WILL AGAIN BE AVAILABLE AT MAJOR DISTRIBUTORS NATIONWIDE STARTING FEBRUARY 2013. FOR MORE THAN 45 YEARS, THE ADVOCATE HAS MAINTAINED A RICH TRADITION OF REPORTING CULTURAL AND POLITICAL NEWS, ASTUTE COMMENTARY, INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM, AND ABSORBING PROFILES OF INTEREST TO THE GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER COMMUNITIES. February 2012

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VOICES | In The Trenches

by Logan Lynn

The Pariah Pool Being a community activist isn’t the easiest route to take in life but doing what feels right rarely leads to regrets. Speak the truth. Don’t be afraid.

Last year was a time of big sweeping change for me. I lost two pieces of my deepest love to the great beyond, grew closer to another human being than ever before, and let go of another round of “friends” to superficiality. There seemed to be a feeling layer of marginalization spread throughout the year. Even now, in the second month of 2013, it walks beside me, greeting me at every turn. The truth is, that particular feeling and I have been walking hand in hand for as long as I can remember. Most recently, this marginalized feeling came from some members of the queer community as well as some in the right-wing evangelical Christian community not agreeing with my inter-community dialogue work between the Mars Hill Church and members of Portland’s LGBTQ community (as well as my very public comments and opinions about the vandalism and threats of violence which followed); it came from community “leaders” who didn’t appreciate me stirring up the status quo; from the tech community after an article I wrote about music piracy turned into a full blown shitstorm; from the pro-gun folks in the wake of my speaking out about gun control after the Sandy Hook tragedy; from every asshole on the internet who commented that they didn’t like my face, body, words, ideas, melodies — you name it; and from that old voice inside my head that still always agrees with all of them that I am of no particular value. At times it can feel as though there is no break from the pressure. I remind myself constantly that not everybody agrees with my position in the world and that they don’t have to for it to be valid. To their credit, I don’t always say or handle things perfectly… but I didn’t become an activist to play it safe, and I haven’t. Staying true to what I believe to be right is what matters to me, and I do not do the work I do to make friends. At the end of the day, I’m willing for other people to disagree with me, even hate me for my position, but I am not willing to hate myself for not speaking out or for caving under pressure. The way I see it, if everyone everywhere agrees with me at this stage in the game, chances are pretty good that either the battle has been won, or I’m doing it all wrong. To be able to stand for yourself and your dream of the world amidst public pressure or extreme fear requires a particular skill set that is often born from great hardship. Having to stand up to the cruel kids who teased me growing up and the difficulties I had coming into my own

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as a gay preacher’s kid in a Christian cult were in some ways my greatest teachers, preparing me for the very openly critical existence I have known since I got signed to a record label at 17 years old and first entered into the world of being myself professionally. I learned early on that I have no control over what anyone thinks, writes, or says about me, my music, or my work. I also learned that if I really want to be free, I have to do what feels right to me no matter the cost. It’s not always the easiest route, but I rarely regret having taken it. RuPaul once said, “What other people think of me is none of my business,” and I think there is deep wisdom to be found there. I have watched strong people retreat from important work because of fear that their reputation would suffer, and I’ve seen people with no reputation to speak of roll up their sleeves and put their lives on the line for something they believe in. At different times in my life I have been on both sides of this fence, but I have never been very good at being anybody other than myself. When all is said and done, I would rather be in with the “losers” who are changing the world than the so-called “winners” who, in my estimation, are fucking it up.

The truth is the truth, however inconvenient, and I will continue to speak mine as long as I am able. Love me or hate me, what you see is what you get. I may not always be who others want me to be, and I may blunder my way through unexpected landmines occasionally, but I am still on the minefield, still moving forward. I will not be silenced and I will not be swayed by fear. The truth is the truth, however inconvenient, and I will continue to speak mine as long as I am able. In the long run, being popular is far less important than being real. § Join me in the pariah pool sometime, won’t you? The water’s fine. Logan Lynn writes In The Trenches for Just Out. He is a Portland based musician, activist, writer, and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. Reach him at Logan@JustOut.com

February 2013

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MIND | As We Are

by Brad Larsen, PsyD

Turn Toward Love Because our relationships are often marginalized by society, we are in a unique place to reflect on what being in a loving relationship means to us.

I came out to my parents when I was 15. In a matterof-fact manner, my father informed me that “gay relationships never last.” At that time the only same sex relationships in my life were obviously loving and had endured for over a decade (they still do). Regardless, in that moment, I believed him; intellect told me his conclusion was based in ignorance, but his words have weighed heavy in my heart ever since. I’m not the first to point out the obvious. We know that as human beings we are generally and naturally oriented toward being connected with one another. But for generations we’ve been told that as queer people we are not capable of meaningful, loving, committed relationships. Many of us swallowed whole a version of this message, often without realizing it. We also know that the sentiment that we’re not capable or worthy of meaningful relationships is rooted in hypocrisy. It is all too often a public figure, on his third or fourth marriage himself, who, in a disgraceful avoidance of personal responsibility, is determined to monger the fear that marriage equality will harm heterosexual marriage. Another obvious statement: We’re capable of meaningful lifelong relationships, if that’s what we’re seeking. But the reality is that we face unique stressors due to homophobia that make our relationships more challenging, but ultimately significantly rewarding. As a couples therapist, I work with a model of relationships that is emotionally focused. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, reminds us that “closeness, affection and play make us healthier.” Sue also explains that when we feel hurt by our partner it can be easy to start saying things like, “Why didn’t you…” or, “If you were a good partner, you would…” instead of expressing what we need. “I need you to come closer” or, “I feel alone” or, “I am afraid that you will reject me.” Becoming aware of these underlying attachment needs requires a willingness to let our partners into the tender spots of our inner lives. In a world where reaching for connection with same sex others means risking safety, risking rejection, or risking continued isolation, estab-

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lishing a mutual emotional bond can be an overwhelming endeavor. If we’re raised to believe our relationships won’t last, and if this fallacy is even a minor ingredient in the foundation for our relationships, allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable to another person can feel impossible. I work with many queer folk who are so sincerely seeking love and connection with that special someone, but can’t seem to realize their dream relationship. Understanding that homophobia impacts our relationships is a subtle yet powerful step toward transforming our relationships. Have you ever talked with your partner about how homophobia influences the way you communicate, show affection or feel your love for one another? What is it like when she refuses to hold hands when you’re in public together? It could be a preference for privacy, but no doubt that preference is in part informed by the awareness of the risk of being easily identified as a same sex couple. Why is he so upset when you decline an invitation to his family gathering? Could it be that showing up as an apparently happy couple is in part his need to prove to his family that two same gender loving individuals can maintain a relationship? Maybe your objection is related to not feeling completely accepted by the family as a queer person? But let’s look deeper. What makes these situations that much more complex, is that it is so difficult to know if the stress you experience in a relationship is about homophobia and heterosexism or simply about your own relational styles. Often it’s an inextricable combination. Because our relationships are marginalized, we have this amazing opportunity to sincerely reflect upon what being in a loving relationship means for us. And when we encounter conflict or disappointment in that relationship, we can seek to understand what is happening by moving closer to our partner instead of moving away. We can seek to understand the feelings that lie underneath the words and support one another to deepen the love we share. §

Dr. Brad Larsen is a clinical psychologist resident in private practice. He will be writing about mental health and relationships in the LGBTQ community. He can be reached at brad@bradlarsenpsyd.com. Brad’s clinical supervisor is Dr. Sharon Chatkupt Lee (Oregon License Number 1599)

February 2013

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POLITICS |

by Leo Schuman

It’s Not All About Us A delegate to the Democratic National Convention, he says we aren’t single issue people. What will follow the fight for equality?

Possibly the most interesting transition in Cris Land’s life arcs from his roots in radical feminist anti-nuclear activism, through the Portland Lesbian Avengers, to his 2012 election as a Congressional District delegate to the Democratic National Convention. Yes, there were other transitions along the way. But, it’s more interesting to hear from Cris what happens when years of work in radical education and advocacy meet the stark realities of funding, budget, and enforceable legislation. This leads him to talk about “the merge” where by simply “bringing himself into the room” he is educating, and advocating, while also helping elect and advise those whose legislative actions drive million, and even billion, dollar budget decisions. It wasn’t always like this. He met his partner, Hillary Smith — a founder of the Portland Lesbian Avengers — at a downtown Portland street march. He’d worked for many years at OHSU, where he became the first employee to transition from female to male. Now, health care support for gender transition is clearly defined OHSU policy. After moving to Columbia County, Cris made a conscious decision to become active in his local community. He recalls choosing to run for an open position on the local Port Commission. While discussing his plan with a known “progressive” member of this commission, he outed himself as trans, and was promptly advised to never mention this again to anyone in Columbia County politics. Yet, within a few years he was elected to serve as Chair of the Columbia County Democratic Party. “It’s not hard to do things first as an out trans person, now.” But, he is clear how little that matters. What matters is for things to become normal. So he is hesitant to focus on his gender, focusing instead on broader concerns. He’s happy to talk about Democratic Party activism, stating he has never had a bad experience with party activists. More importantly, he says he has never once felt he was the subject of tokenism. Instead, he’s found Democrats to be genuinely interested to learn about the lives of LGBTpeople, and to do the work needed to achieve legal equality.

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When asked about his many friends still active in radical politics, he says, “I get crap from both sides. I have friends who are fed up that the two parties are not different enough. Yet in my county party I get crap for not being radical enough, because, as it turns out, I’m not”. Cris believes that activists who get involved in organized political parties have been around long enough to see that it actually matters who sits in office. “It really does matter who is representing us in Salem and D.C. For me, this was an eye-opener.” If we have Republicans dealing with Oregon’s budget, the outcomes look very different than they are under Kitzhaber. If we had McCain or Romney in office, America would look very different than it does under President Obama, particularly for

It really does matter who is representing us in Salem and D.C. For me, this was an eye-opener. LGBT people, because elected officials write the laws and set the budgets that determine what actually happens, once the noise fades away. What interests Cris most, though, is what happens once we achieve LGBT equality, because, “we are not single issue people.” How do we feel, as a community, about economic justice, racial justice, gun control, and labor rights? It’s not all about us. LGBT people choose to come out because, on some level, we want to be fully engaged in the larger community as who we truly are. Now that we’re starting to get there, we can begin wondering what’s next. §

Leo Schuman is Just Out’s political writer. Leo is a former lawyer and self-admitted political junkie. Reach him at Leo@JustOut.com

February 2013

ABOVE: Cris Land, a delegate to the Democratic National Convention.

February 2013

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Community (FILM)

AUSTIN UNBOUND

PORTLAND FILM PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR ELIZA GREENWOOD JUST WON THE AWARD FOR BEST FILM THAT BREAKS DOWN STEREOTYPES AT THE SIXTH INTERNATIONAL DISABILITY FILM FESTIVAL — BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS, HELD FROM NOVEMBER 9 - 12, 2012 IN MOSCOW, RUSSIA, FOR HER LOCALLY PRODUCED FILM, AUSTIN UNBOUND. GREENWOOD, A SELF-IDENTIFIED LESBIAN, HAD TWO AIMS FOR THE FILM, WHICH FOLLOWS THE TRANSITION OF A DEAF TRANS MAN. SHE WANTED TO DISCUSS THE BARRIERS DISABLED PEOPLE FACE IN THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES AND ALSO TO REVEAL THE RICH POTENTIAL OF INDIVIDUALS THAT GAIN ACCESS TO EQUAL RIGHTS. THIS AWARD RECOGNIZES BOTH THOSE GOALS IN A COUNTRY THAT STRUGGLES WITH THE BASIC EQUALITY OF ITS OWN CITIZENS. Eliza Greenwood

(HRC)

EQUALITY INDEX

A new report on LGBT equality in America’s cities by the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest LGBT civil rights organization, rated 137 cities across the nation, including Salem, Eugene, and Portland. The average score for cities in Oregon is 89 out of 100 points, which exceeds the national average. Salem scored a 76, Eugene scored a 91, and Portland achieved a perfect score of 100 points. The MEI rates cities based on 47 criteria falling under six broad categories: Non-discrimination laws; Relationship recognition; The municipality’s employment practices; Inclusiveness of city services; Law enforcement; and Municipal leadership. The full report, including long form scorecards for every city, and a searchable database, is available online at hrc.org/mei.

(NEW RULES)

TRANS HEALTHCARE

The Insurance Division of the Department of Consumer and Business Services (DCBS) announced that insurance companies doing business in Oregon must end discriminatory exclusions of medically necessary healthcare for transgender Oregonians. Many transgender Oregonians are denied the ability to purchase health insurance or are denied coverage for basic, medically necessary care solely because they are transgender, and the Insurance Division has made it clear that this kind of discrimination has no place in Oregon. The Insurance Division bulletin specifically states that: • Health insurers may not categorically exclude transgender patients from coverage. • Health insurers must provide coverage and cannot deny coverage of treatments for transgender policyholders if the same treatments are covered for other policyholders. • Health insurers may not deny treatment on the basis of a policyholder’s actual or perceived gender. That means that all policyholders can rely on annual exams, cancer screenings, and gender-specific health care, regardless of their gender on file. • The statewide mandate for coverage of mental health services must apply to transgender patients.

Steam Portland is celebrating their 10th Anniversary this month. The club, opened in 2003, was one of the first in the industry to mandate a safe sex atmosphere and prides itself for bringing awareness to HIV prevention by teaming with Pivot to supply free HIV/Syph testing at the club. The testing is anonymous and is available for guests four times a month.

Steam Portland

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The 33,000 members allows Steam to support local charities like Cascade Aids Project’s AIDS WALK , the annual Red Dress party, sports teams, and various other LGBT organizations. steamportland.com

February 2013

(YOUTH)

FUNDING

Pride Foundation has been awarded a grant of $400,000 over four years by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Pride Foundation will regrant the funds through a special Request for Proposals (RFP) process to nonprofit organizations that propose innovative approaches to addressing poverty in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) community in Washington state and Portland, Oregon, with particular emphasis on proposals and partnerships that focus on homeless LGBTQ youth. Various data sources over time have found that 20-40% of all homeless youth identify as LGBTQ, and service providers over the past decade increasingly recognize that they are serving LGBTQ youth. The most recent survey of service providers identified the following as the top five reasons that LGBTQ youth are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless: • Running away because of family rejection based on sexual orientation or gender identity (46%). • Forced out by parents because of sexual orientation or gender identity (43%). • Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse at home (32%). • Aged out of the foster care system(17%). • Financial or emotional neglect from family (14%). pridefoundation.org

(DRIVING)

BETTER WORLD Last year, Maine, Maryland, and Washington

state all voted to endorse marriage equality. To help celebrate this advance in equal rights, Better World Club, the nation’s only eco-friendly auto club, is offering newly-married couples all across the United States a free membership. The Portland-based Better World Club has a history of pioneering socially-responsible and environmentally-friendly business practices. In 2008, BWC offered the same wedding present to celebrate same sex marriage in California. BWC is the first auto club to recognize domestic partners – and gay marriages – nationally. Couples married between December 1 and Valentine’s Day can fax or send Better World a copy of their marriage license. Better World Club will then waive its $12 sign-up fee and the Associate Membership fee of $25-35, depending on the program. The discounts in this 2-for-1 membership represent a gift of as much as $47.betterworldclub.com February 2013

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VALENTINE’S DAY Whether you date one, many, or go it alone, it’s impossible to ignore this heart-shaped holiday. FIVE PORTLANDERS SHARE THEIR PERSPECTIVES. Each are different, but all remind us that love can be funny, sometimes cruel, and ultimately bittersweet for some. 18

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February 2013

| COVER STORY

heart to hearts Let’s Talk Love, Loss, and Antics Text | Lyska Mondor My name is ERIN WISER. I’m trans. I’m a 34-year-old average Portlander. I work in customer service, and nurse a wounded artistic impulse. WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON THE HOLIDAY OF LOVE? I’m actually surprised it isn’t an enormous queer holiday. There’s a theme of illegitimate marriage. It’s the triumph of love over a political take on marriage. DO YOU ADHERE TO A TRADITIONAL MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP STRUCTURE? I do not. The shorthand is that I’m polyamorous. The longhand is that I’m a lot more intentional with how I structure relationships. I rarely have anything to do with sexual exclusivity. PEOPLE USED TO MONOGAMY MAY HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING HOW VALENTINE’S DAY WORKS FOR POLY PEOPLE. DO YOU THINK IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE STUCK IN THEIR PERSONAL IDEA OF ROMANCE?

Photography | Horace Long

(Laughter) It’s not that monogamy is easier. It’s just that we’re used to it. We don’t attribute all of the pain, discomfort, and fear to monogamy. We attribute it to love. When it’s polyamory, it’s polyamory’s fault. WELL PUT. ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW? I am. It’s totally apropos that I’m being interviewed for this, because I am probably in the most poly situation of my life. I’m dating a couple, and they’ve been together for about four years. DO YOU FIND YOURSELF EVER PLAYING A ROLE? As a trans guy I’m sometimes put into the role of proto-man. It’s like I’m bionic man! I’m a man, but better than men. And that’s just not true. I mean, I know where a clit and a g-spot are, and I have non-penile sex. I’m not sexually demanding in the same way, and I have a lot more endurance. (Laughter) (Laughter) WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF THE PERFECT ROMANTIC DATE?

It’s preciousness. How can something be precious if it’s not a commodity, if it’s not singular? That can be hard.

I think the perfect romantic date is pretty incredibly poly, in that I’m not going to say that I have date in mind without having a person in mind.

HOW DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?

RIGHT, BECAUSE ACTIVITIES SHOULD BE TAILORED TO THE PERSON YOU’RE WITH.

It’s always circumstantial. One of the worst Valentine’s I’ve ever spent would probably not sell people on polyamory. THAT’S OKAY. FRANKLY, I’M SURPRISED WE EVEN TRY TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL. February 2013

Yeah, I’m not looking for someone to show up to a predetermined date. I’m looking for someone I can forge that date with. YOU’RE AWESOME. § JustOut.com

My name is CHRISTINE and I am a Scorpio. I am trying to be the best queer woman I can be.     GENERALLY, HOW DOES VALENTINE’S DAY MAKE YOU FEEL? Valentine’s Day makes me sad. I was the “choo choo choose you” kid, only getting cards from pretty girls out of sympathy. I had a sympathy girlfriend in 5th grade after a Valentine’s Day gift exchange — just like Ralph Wiggum. Suffice it to say that luck has not been a lady for me. YOU AREN’T ALONE IN YOUR SENTIMENTS. I guess it’s more appropriate to say that on Valentine’s Day I feel like the idiot in the schoolyard again. Sometimes a girl never gets out of there. YOU RUN A DJ AND DANCE NIGHT AT THE LOCAL. HOW IS THAT SHAPING UP? So, yeah, I have a night at Local Lounge called Transit. I really wanted it to be a queer night, but the local press consistently billed it as a trans night. I suppose under the assumption that because I am a DJ that happens to be trans, I must be interested in creating a trans space. BUT, YOU DIDN’T. I didn’t. But, I went along thinking it wasn’t that bad to create a space for trans people. Then some trans folk started having trouble with the name of my night because it had the word “it” in it. REALLY? They wanted me to change the name, but I’d had enough at that point and decided to discontinue. I don’t want to be the trans DJ any more than a person of color would want to be the black DJ, or a person of size the fat DJ. So I guess I should also say I am retiring from DJing, in addition. All this stuff has choked the heart out of it for me.     IT’S IMPORTANT TO REALIZE THAT THERE ARE BIGGER ISSUES FOR SOME OF US THAN CHOCOLATES AND DINNER RESERVATIONS. February 14th will be just another day, most likely. I thought maybe once I started expressing my true self in the world that maybe I would fit, that maybe I would be chosen.      IF ONE THING COULD HAPPEN TO YOU THIS V-DAY, AND IT COULD JUST BE ABOUT LOVING YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT? I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that changing my shell doesn’t change who I am. I’ve been trying to go on dates with myself. You know? I’ve been trying to get to know myself better, maybe even love myself. I guess it’s more to the point to say I will be on a date with myself on Valentine’s Day. §

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February 2013

I’m JONATHON STARTIN. I was born in Misawa, Japan, which is where my father was stationed when my mother and father had me. YOUR FAMILY IS NATIVE TO PORTLAND, RIGHT? When I was two, my mother and my father flew home to Portland and bought my great grandmother’s house in Southeast on Belmont and 33rd. I was raised in the same house my mother was raised in. So, I’m a true native. DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST ROMANCE? I have to admit that I was quasi sexually active at the age of 7, but it wasn’t a case of molestation. It was somebody that was a peer. I remember the neighborhood kids around our four-block radius all got together in the summer time, and one of them was this kid that loved cars, bikes, and video games. He had this hot black Huffy. I remember the first time he was riding in front of me with his shirt off, and his hair was blowing in the wind, and I’m like, “that’s it, he’s hot.” So, we became great friends. He lived around the corner from me, and we would play Nintendo games, but after that we would also play… what do you call it? DOCTOR? Well, we would practice what we were going to do on girls in the future with each other. THAT’S REALLY SWEET, ACTUALLY. I’M STILL PRACTICING. Aren’t we all? For us it was an excuse to be affectionate, and we were. ARE YOU CURRENTLY SINGLE? No, I’ve been with someone for about 8 months. THAT CAN BE A LIFETIME. With him, every day is like the first day. It’s really wonderful. I’ve finally found someone who will put up with all of my shit. WHAT DO YOU DO? I’m GM of Eagle Portland, for now. I plan to return to emergency medicine via EMT training this year. IS THAT GOING TO BE A FUN PLACE ON VALENTINE’S DAY? Okay, so Feb 14th is a Thursday, and Thursday means free pool… clothing optional… OH, AS IN BILLIARDS? Yes, as in billiards, not swimming. Every second and fourth Thursday we have a DJ, and he plays some music while the guys play pool with or without clothing. Now THAT’S romantic. WHAT WOULD YOU TELL OUR QUEER COMMUNITY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY? I would say that what we all want is love, and we should feel proud and fortunate to be in a city that is so forgiving of our differences in how we embrace its definition. Valentine’s Day is that yearly reminder to love yourself and those around you, and that, I believe, is the most important thing about this holiday. §

February 2013

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I’m SCOTT BRAUCHT. I’m 32 years old and an Oregonian. I’m an office coordinator, filmmaker, and I work in the art department for a lot of other peoples’ films and projects. (You can check out his work on Vimeo.com.) ARE YOU SINGLE? I am. I still have some time before Valentine’s Day, but I’ll probably be single. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF VALENTINE’S DAY? It’s a day to be infatuated with someone. It’s a day pretty much devoted to couples. THAT’S SOMETIMES WHY IT CAN BE FUN, OR GIANT BUMMER. Yeah. Most of the time I’m stuck working. I really don’t pay attention to it, but sometimes you’re out at a restaurant, and you notice. Why are all these couples here? Oh, wait a second; it’s Valentine’s Day, now I feel depressed. WHAT IS THE WORST DATE YOU’VE BEEN ON? I met someone, and he seemed really cool, but he had this fetish for men burping. He kept trying to get me to burp in front of him. I burp, but not on command. Later on, I find out that he’s into farts too, and then I decided it wasn’t going anywhere. HE REALLY LIKED VARIATIONS OF GAS. Ha! Now I really want the cover to be someone farting a heart. WE CAN PHOTOSHOP YOU. No! Don’t make me fart a heart. ENOUGH. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN A POTENTIAL OTHER? Not too ugly, but first is sense of humor, and being into the arts. I want to be introduced to new things. Also, being open-minded and fun. Oh, and not too ugly, did I say that? §

Lyska Mondor pens her regular column In The Pink for Just Out. She is a published poet and aspiring sci-fi author. Reach her at Lyska@JustOut.com

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February 2013

I’m SUMMER. I’m queer. I’m a nanny by day, and a DJ by night. WHEN I SAY VALENTINE’S DAY, WHAT DO YOU IMMEDIATELY THINK OF? My immediate thoughts about Valentine’s Day always center on the traditional. I always have this fantasy about a dream date with a candlelit fancy dinner, flowers, and romance. However, that type of Valentine’s seems so phony and silly. Valentine’s Day should be just another day to express love to others. YOU PROMOTE A DANCE NIGHT. IT’S ALREADY VERY SUCCESSFUL. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR NIGHT. I started TWERK, along with Summer Russell, in August because I wanted Portland to have a queer dance party that focused on hip-hop. Hip-hop is my favorite music to dance to. There has been a wonderful response to TWERK since it started and I’m so excited about that! We take over the Local Lounge every 4th Friday. WHAT WOULD YOUR PERFECT VALENTINE’S DATE BE LIKE? A perfect Valentine’s date would be the same as any other perfect date. I’d want good food with good conversation, some type of activity, like Ground Kontrol, bar games, hot tub times, a movie, museum, or dancing. I’d also like a spontaneous drive to the coast or nature, and if we’re going for the perfect date there would, of course, be sexy times. ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO ADD? ANY DOS OR DON’TS FOR THE REST OF US? Always be honest, open, and yourself. Do ask for what you need and want. Don’t stay in situations that make you unhappy. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. §

February 2013

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SPIRIT | Like A Prayer

by Jennifer Yocum

A Marriage Planning Guide Wedding days are marriages in microcosm. Five tips to help your wedding — and marriage — be everything you hope for.

As a pastor, I’m a big fan of marriage. Good marriages create community, stability and a platform from which families and individuals grow into their best selves, and I was delighted to see Washington state say “I do” to same sex marriage. I wish I was a big a fan of weddings. I’ve done weddings in locations ranging from fancy churches to underneath a waterfall. I’ve done weddings that were planned for over a year and those that were put together in half a day, with guest lists in the hundreds and with guest lists in single digits. Without fail, stress enters the picture. Something goes wrong, someone feels left out, some catastrophe with hair, makeup, food, or photos occurs all threatening to “ruin” the “happiest day of our lives.” Here’s the truth about your wedding day. Something is likely to go wrong. And it’s okay. Wedding days are marriages in microcosm. There are a lot of expectations. Some are met; others are not. There are a lot of people involved and most of them want to support you. There will be times together and apart. There should be music and dancing and lots of good food. There are likely to be tears at some point, but, with attention, generosity, humility and grace, you’ll be all right in the end. HERE, THEN, ARE A FEW TIPS TO HELP PLAN YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR MARRIAGE.

1. Spend more time planning your marriage than planning your wedding. A wedding day is just a day, but a marriage is a lot longer. I always recommend pre-marital counseling to cover topics including money management, parenting, conflict management, sex, spirituality, personality styles, time management, health, plans for the future, life goals, etc. It’s really helpful to have a third person (such as a pastor or therapist) help you have these conversations with each other. Ideally, these conversations will happen over the course of several weeks to allow for follow-up conversations in between. 2. Decide what’s essential for the two of you and stick with that. There are a lot of people who will be invested in what your wedding/marriage should look like. Parents, friends, and paid professionals will all offer you a lot of ideas in efforts to be “helpful.” You will not be able to please them all, so work on pleasing yourselves first. Figure out what’s important to each of you, thank everyone else for their input, and do your own thing. 3. Delegate whenever possible. People like having things to do, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Giving your friends and family tasks to perform before or on your wedding day helps them know that they are trusted and necessary in your life. Wherever you can’t delegate, hire people in whom you have confidence and let them do their jobs. That will be a gift to everyone. 4. On the wedding day itself, and on every day thereafter, keep breathing. I know this sounds funny, but under stress, people usually don’t breathe well enough to keep their brains operating at their best. Whenever you feel nervous, focus on breathing out fully so that your lungs expand to maximum capacity. Deep breaths clear the mind and settle the heart.

Just Out's Like a Prayer is written by Rev. Jennifer Yocum, pastor of the Forest Grove United Church of Christ. Reach her at Jennifer@ JustOut.com

5. Notice the moments you are in. Wedding days are often chaotic but filled with special moments. Try to be in those moments instead of planning for the next twenty things on the list as much as possible. You want to have memories, not just pictures of your wedding day. The day is coming when same sex marriage will no longer have the prefix “same sex” to distinguish it and marriage will be a choice for all. May all our weddings and marriages be a blessing. §

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February 2013

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February 2013

Photography by Evrim Icoz | WEDDINGS

Corinna & Julie 6.11.12

ROMANCE MEETS FUN A beautiful Christmas tree farm near Salem owned by Corinna’s sister and her husband served as the perfect location for the big day. The couple were wed under a 100-year-old silver oak tree. Julie made her way down the long aisle to her bride via a 4-wheel drive Kubota driven by two nephews. Corinna walked, her mom and dad on each arm. Martinis followed immediately after. A perfect day for a loving couple.

VENDORS: CONSULTANT: MARRYANNE FROM A DAZZLING AFFAIRE RINGS: JEWEL SMITH, AND HILTON HILL JEWELRY, DURHAM, NC GOWN: ELIZABETH DYE, THE ENGLISH DEPT. SUIT; DUCHESS CLOTHIER FORMALWEAR: MR. FORMAL

February 2013

HOTEL: THE GRAND HOTEL FOOD: WILD PEAR - SALEM COCKTAILS: MINT - PORTLAND MUSIC: DJ BEYONDA OFFICIANT: ELGNYS LOWEWEN-THOMAS RENTALS: A-Z PARTY RENTALS INVITES: LARK PRESS PHOTOGRAPHER: EVRIM ICOZ EVRIMGALLERY.COM

ATTENDANCE: 75 COLORS: Grey, pinks, oranges, and light browns. FLOWERS: Cut right off the bushes on the grounds. Hydrangeas in pewter vases. CAKE: A 3-tiered chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla cake, picked up in Portland by Corinna’s parents at 4 a.m. and placed in a handmade wooden box filled with dry ice. What a Dad! MET: At work. Corinna asked Julie, “Where did you come from?” ENGAGEMENT: The East Coast transplants were on a first trip to the Oregon Coast. Julie asked. Corinna cried and said yes. RING: Julie had Corinna’s ring designed by a friend in Chapel Hill, NC after knowing Corinna for 9 months. It took her 3 more months to propose. FAVORITE PART: The anticipation, seeing friends and family in one place, the venue, the tractor ride, the ring bearers, vows, the ruby martinis, the first dance, and the kisses. HONEYMOON: Back to the Oregon Coast and the San Juan Islands. UNIQUE: The farm, Remi the horse, the DJ, friends who flew in from all over North America and Australia. The cocktails. LOVE: “Corinna is a beautiful spirit,” Julie says. “A one of a kind. She’s honest. And her laugh. You can’t mistake it and it’s contagious, Julie says. “She’s confident as she walks through the world, but can be so soft and vulnerable,” says Corinna. “Julie is truly the kindest person that I’ve ever known. She is extremely thoughtful, loving and cares deeply for people around her.” JustOut.com

marriage |

by Mary Emily O’Hara

Getting Hitched Everything you need to know to get started on your walk to the alter — or to the courtroom. The nitty gritty on marriage here at home.

Anna Campbell and Tex Clark traveled to Sooke Harbor, BC last June to become wife and wife. “We feel a special connection to Canada now,” says Campbell. “All the people were so nice to us, so helpful. We’re very grateful.” The couple notes that being married has a different feel. Campbell says, “Domestic Partnership sounds kind of clinical. I’m proud to say we are married.” Unfortunately for Clark and Campbell, returning home to Portland after the wedding meant their marriage was legally non-existent. “According to Oregon law,” says Clark, “we’re nothing. We’re just roommates.” Clark, who is a public defender officially employed by the federal government, tried to add her wife to her health insurance plan when they returned home. “Two weeks later I got a letter back telling us ‘no,’ that it was illegal for them to give us benefits.” Recounts Clark, “My request had been declined due to gender and sexual orientation. I grew up in Texas, and I’m familiar with hostility to queer people. But it still made me cry to get that letter.” Many Portlanders, regardless of sexual orientation, believe that because Oregon has legalized domestic partnerships there is full equality for same-sex couples under the law. In some areas, that’s true. And with the recent electoral decision legalizing same-sex marriage in neighboring Washington, as well as several others states, Oregon LGBTQ couples would seem to have increased options for cementing relationship commitments. IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE. (IS IT EVER?) Each additional state that adds marriage equality, it presses the issue and increases the likelihood of gay marriage on a federal level within a generation. But without federal approval, the state-by-state checkerboard of marriage equality leaves many LGBTQ folks stuck in limbo. Fortunately, Portland is home to many marriage equality activists and attorneys who can help illuminate the labyrinth of bureaucracy that committed couples face.

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Looking to get hitched this year? A destination wedding to Canada or a marriage equality state is exciting, but be prepared for the fact that a marriage performed elsewhere is legally naught on Oregon soil. To help navigate the process, Just Out talked with several Portland-based attorneys who offer advice to help fill the gaps. LEGAL IN OREGON: DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP According to attorney Marlene Findling, “Domestic Partnership here grants rights and responsibilities that are identical to marriage. This includes things like paying joint state taxes, receiving joint employer benefits, and name changes.” Findling says that registration offers too many benefits to name — many of them seemingly small things, like being able to drive a car your partner has rented. But almost every one of the perks has a flipside. For instance, family law attorney Beth Allen points out, “If I die today and bequeath my property to my registered Domestic Partner, she isn’t going to have to pay state taxes — but she is going to pay federal taxes.” Findling uses social security as a sobering example: “If you are [heterosexually] married, you’re entitled to your spouse’s social security, but since it’s federal, domestic partners are not. Anything that’s federal, it’s as if you don’t exist.” Regardless of the paperwork maze, terminology itself can provoke emotions. Allen becomes clearly annoyed by the term ‘register’ and says, “People register to take classes, they register to get a driver’s license. Not to marry!” Former Oregon State Bar President Mark Johnson Roberts agrees. “It doesn’t have the same gravitas, or portability. The whole purpose of the existence of domestic partnership is to deny that gravitas, deny that reality.” The second-class, separate-but-equal status offered by domestic partnerships is something that both lawyers hope to see challenged at the ballot in 2014. WASHINGTON STATE AND BEYOND: DESTINATION WEDDINGS Getting married in Washington State is a new option for Oregon couples that previously might have traveled to Canada for a legal marriage. But unless you move to Washington, you will still need to file for a domestic partnership in order to receive any legal recognition of your relationship. The upside is, Washington included a “recognition” statute in their marriage equality law; same-sex couples married in other legalized jurisdic-

February 2013

tions like Canada and Massachusetts will find their marriage status holds in Washington as well. According to Allen, this can get tricky: “There are many couples now who have married in a variety of jurisdictions, and registered as domestic partners as well. The problem that has occurred for a lot of people is that if they decide to divorce, they will have to follow the procedures of those jurisdictions one by one.” Automatic recognition is a comfort to some Oregon couples that previously wed elsewhere. Campbell states excitedly at the time of this interview, “We are married in Washington as of last night!” DOMA DOWNER: THE FEDS BLOCK GAY MARRIAGE At the time this article is being written, the Supreme Court is reviewing a major case that challenges DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Amendment that makes federal recognition of same-sex marriage illegal. For the past several years, same-sex couples that wed in marriageequality states have been effectively blocked from receiving the types of federal benefits that heterosexual spouses get. “The Windsor case,” explains Johnson Roberts, “Asks whether the federal government can officially block marriage contracted under state law. If that case is favorably decided, what it means is that married couples in places like Washington can access federal benefits like social security.” There’s also a good chance that the fall of DOMA would persuade legislators in states that currently offer domestic partnerships to immediately legalize same-sex marriage: “The suggestion is that if DOMA were to fall, the fed might look at Domestic Partnership as equivalent to a marriage,” says Johnson Roberts. In the meantime, DOMA prevents a range of benefits from trickling down to both legally married couples and registered domestic partners. JUST IN CASE: COVER YOUR ASS ACROSS STATE LINES As Allen points out, extra paperwork is especially vital for same-sex parents, even those who are endowed with automatic secondparent status under the Oregon registered domestic partnership. “If a [registered] lesbian couple has a child using a sperm donor,” Allen says, “The non-birth mom will be on the birth certificate also, and they have equal status as parents under the law. The problem with that is if you step outside of Oregon, not all states will recognize the second mom. Registered or not, all couples should do a second parent adoption. A birth certificate is not a sufficient February 2013

federal document.” Same goes for other rights endowed by marriage and domestic partnership, such as power of attorney in case of illness. If you want it to be recognized outside of the state, you need to make sure to consult with a lawyer and do the extra paperwork necessary to make sure those rights are in place wherever you travel. Johnson Roberts tells his clients to “think of it like a flashlight — in one state it’s on, then you go to another state and it turns off. It’s a crazy system, but it’s what we’re stuck with for the time being.” THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM: SEPARATION AND THE GAY DIVORCÉE Ironically, Johnson Roberts says most of his clients these days need help splitting up. The more convoluted the process of legalizing same-sex partnership becomes, the more complicated it is to get divorced. Let’s say there’s a lesbian couple who is married in Canada, registered as domestic partners in New York, registered in Oregon, and who also took extra steps to make sure they were covered in each other’s wills and property on a permanent, nationwide level. If that couple finds that they want to separate, they now need to dissolve every one of those contracts separately. That can be made especially complex given the residency requirements of some jurisdictions; for example, to get divorced in Canada you must reside in Canada for a minimum period of time. Each area is going to have its own unique requirements for separations and dissolutions, so an exit plan is an important part of marriage, despite the fact that most newlyweds aren’t exactly thinking about divorce. “For us, it was kind of a plus not to be able to get divorced,” says Clark. “We pretty much considered it a permanent thing.” Indeed, there are other reasons a couple might not give much thought to the divorce process — after all, if your marriage isn’t even legal under federal law, then the marriage is purely symbolic, right? But this will become a larger problem as the country gets closer to repealing DOMA, and as more states add gay marriage. It is also something to be concerned about in regard to future partnerships. Regardless of the reasoning, understanding the whole course of action is essential before getting hitched.§

Checklist for Registered Domestic Partners: To file for partnership, go to the county marriage office in the county where one or both partners reside. Only one person in the couple needs to reside in the county. Name changes are automatic within Oregon, but won’t be recognized elsewhere unless you go to court to obtain an official name change. Adoption papers are absolutely necessary for families with children — even though female same-sex partners are automatically given state parentage, it won’t be recognized elsewhere without second parent adoption. Federal employees should keep in mind that their job benefits won’t be available to partners. Remember, getting married somewhere else does not mean your marriage is recognized in Oregon. You still need to become Registered Domestic Partners. Once you get registered, both of your wills are revoked and you need to write new ones.

Mary Emily O’Hara is a freelance writer living in Portland. A native New Yorker, her passions range from the political economics of the art world to pole dancing. She spends her free time with her girlfriend and their three crazy dogs. Her writing can be found at maryemilyohara.com.

Visit the state website to download forms and get more information: public.health.oregon. gov/BirthDeathCertificates/ RegisterVitalRecords

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A&E | Culture Club

by Ken Hoyt

Loving Dance The couple behind White Bird say they wouldn’t want to run the company without the other; their relationship is at the core.

Walter Jaffe and Paul King and their son, Barney Whitebird.

UPCOMING Hubbard Street Dance Chicago February 13th Black Grace February 19th Contemporary Ballet of Algiers/ Abou Lagraa March 21st – 23rd Paul Taylor Dance Company April 4th – 6th Ballet BC May 8th

They remained in NYC for their first fourteen years together. Paul, a graduate of Cordon Bleu Culinary School, worked as a chef, and Walter used his degree in German Literature in his career in publishing. They expressed their love of the arts by attending every event they could. In 1996 they were searching for a change of life and location. Santa Rosa, CA, was the apparent winner out of the places they’d visited. Then two people said, “you should really check out Portland, OR.” They did, and the timing was fortuitous. They arrived at the same time as the floodwaters of 1996. The huge natural disaster didn’t turn them off. In fact, it was “images of the mayor going down to the riverfront to help other citizens with the sandbags” that left an indelible and endearing image. This is a city that pulled together. In New York, Walter had served on the board of the legendary Paul Taylor Dancers. Just as they settled in to their new home a friend from the Paul Taylor organization called. Would they like to join him at a conference of dance companies (being held in Portland)? At the conference they were introduced to many agents and dance companies from across the country. Walter remembers, “They all said, ‘nobody is presenting us in Portland.’” Walter continues, “We learned that Portland had a well developed dance audience through PSU’s company, an impresario that brought in ballet, and a company that presented mod-

whitebird.org

It takes a lot of passion and commitment to sustain a thirty-year romance. Walter Jaffe and Paul King spotted one another in an Upper West Side bar in New York City, and one thing led to another. Now, three decades later (and across the continent) they still have commitment and passion to spare.

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ern companies that were touring.” Paul interjects, “But all of those programs had disappeared at that time, and there was a developed audience but no shows.” They’d come to Portland with the idea of a catering or chocolate business. But this vacancy within the dance world was thrilling. Dance is something that they’d both loved. The idea and opportunity became White Bird Dance (the name White Bird is derived from their “twenty-four year-old, feather-covered son, Barney Whitebird”). All of their vacations now revolve around White Bird. Their travels take them off to Germany for a dance festival, then off to Taiwan, Korea,South Africa, and Brazil. Often they travel at the invitation of the government or the festival (White Bird, Paul, and Walter are considered the pipeline to the western states). They consider themselves a team. A team that, charmingly, finishes one another’s sentences. Walter: “Our temperaments compliment each other…” Paul: “and we bring different skills sets to whatever project we’re focusing on.” Walter: “But we share a common vision. When we’re deciding on programming, for instance, if one of us doesn’t agree — we don’t do it.” Paul: “For budget reasons, we don’t often travel together, and see work together. So we have complete faith in the other’s decision.” Living here is the most important part of their mission. “Anyone could just bring dance companies in and present them. We want to connect the dancers to the community. To that end the companies must agree to do an outreach while in Portland. For thirteen years they’ve done an outreach program with Portland Public Schools.” Both men agree, if the other weren’t involved, they wouldn’t want to do White Bird alone. They cite their relationship as the core that makes White Bird workable. “Dance is something that we both love,” notes Walter. “It is our life’s work.” § Ken Hoyt is Just Out's A&E Editor. Reach him at Ken@JustOut.com

February 2013

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GARDEN | The Garden Gal

by Anne Jaeger

Ambassadors Of Soil A married couple combine love for one another and gardening to help others connect to the earth.

Isabel LaCourse loves being a garden educator, even though she aspired to be a basketball player while growing up. Karen Wolfgang has an anthropology degree from Princeton University, and a Master’s degree in educational leadership. INDEPENDENCEGARDENSPDX.COM Anne Jaeger, writes The Garden Gal for Just Out. Anne was a hard news reporter and anchor at KGW and KOIN before turning to gardening full time. After that, her award-winning garden shows appeared on both stations. You can now look for Anne's garden videos on the Oregonian newspaper web site: oregonlive.com/hg, catch her on Twitter @GardenGalTV, send her a suggestion via her web site: GardenGal.TV, or write Anne@JustOut.com.

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Anne Jaeger: Karen, why do some people believe gardening is so difficult? Karen Wolfgang: There’s a sense that the earth is somehow separate from us. We feel disconnected, but we aren’t. Our business reintroduces people to the plant world in a healthy way. I think we help them understand that the earth’s a network of relationships, and collectively “we” are a vital part of that. Gardening isn’t hard, people just haven’t been taught how, and since they haven’t had the chance to learn the basics, they’re scared they won’t “do it right.” So, it’s powerful when we can help new gardeners get excited about gardening. Isabel LaCourse: (Speaking of her K-8 after-school gardening program) Parents always say kids don’t like to

eat vegetables. Not true! In fall, we grew a cone-shaped cauliflower in the school garden. Every one of the kids wanted to taste it after watching it grow. At harvest time, I had 30 kids around me pawing for cauliflower, just like it was ice cream! Moments like that make me feel grateful and honored that I can help kids (of all ages) be connected to the earth. AG: You two have a knack for coaching, which saves gardeners a lot of wasted time, effort and money in the long run. What are the most important lessons you can offer to build a new vegetable garden, regardless of skill? KW: There are three: First, space. How much space do you have? Even small spaces yield big returns. We build a lot of raised beds because they’re easier for people, but you can grow right in the ground. Then, time. Realistically, how much time do you have? Summer gets busy and you’ll need time to water and weed your garden. Finally, preferences. What vegetables do you like to eat? List them, buy the seeds or “starts” (small plants) and plot out your garden. Make a plan considering how tall the plants will grow, how much sun/water the vegetables need and how you’ll take good care of the soil. AJ: Your website describes you both as “the brainy/ brawny ladies behind the business.” What’s that all about? KW: People see two women arrive for a garden consultation and can’t believe what we can get done. Isabel says I’m tiny (5’5” and less than 130 pounds), but urban farming is increasingly a woman’s world. We work smart and hard. We know people want hassle-free help growing their own food. That’s why we create planting plans, purchase the plants, work alongside clients in the vegetable garden, weed, fertilize, and do whatever they need to be successful. §

February 2013

Photo by Horace long

OPPOSITE PAGE:

Karen Wolfgang and Isabel LaCourse are passionate about a couple of things: the earth and each other. As owners of Independence Gardens, based in Portland, they nurture both. They make it their business to teach gardening and build new vegetable gardens with enough health, vitality and fertility to grow crunchy, delicious produce year round. You can call them the ambassadors of good soil. They take pride in spreading enthusiasm for edible gardening, one client at a time. And I’m pleased to announce to those of you who haven’t met Karen and Isabel until now — they got married last year. They love what they do and one another, saying, “A healthy plant world makes us healthy.” This month, Karen and Isabel prove February is a perfect time to get your veggie garden on.

February 2013

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HOME | Design Matters

by Jonathan Hopp

Understanding Design Six professional tips to make “enlightened choices” so your home will be not only a place you love — but the dream you envision.

The downside of being an interior designer is that no one wants to have me to their place. “I could never have you over to my house! You’re an interior designer! I’m afraid you’ll judge me.” Of course I’ll judge you – for about 5 seconds. Everybody judges everybody, whether it’s the car you drive, your choice of dog companion (we have a Chihuahua), a body that stops traffic, a cute outfit, great hair, or even my personal weakness — shoes! Look, I don’t do what you do. Whether you’re a bartender or an attorney, what you do isn’t my calling. Interior design is my calling and my passion. It’s all I do every day and I’ve been blessed to do it for many years. I appreciate that your interests lie elsewhere, and that you may be intimidated by the process. After all, it’s unreasonable to be expected to be fabulous in every aspect of life!

The fastest way to get into trouble when designing a place is by not knowing what you want. Aside from the wealth of choices that make our heads spin, we may be unaware of the solution right in front of our faces. This lack of knowledge slows us down and usually means mistakes and a project that is far over budget. The best way to avoid this is by doing a little homework. The more we know, the better the choices we make. With that in mind, here is a primer on how to get started creating a game plan:

DECIDE WHAT APPEALS TO YOU I grew up with a household that had lots of stuff. We weren’t hoarders, but clutter tended to rule in most rooms. As a result, I like stuff. I am my mother’s son, and my partner and I have knocked heads about all the knick knacks. He was a minimalist until he met me and is now reformed. So, start by asking yourself, “What grabs me?” Is it spare and modern? Traditional and refined? Casual and worn? Colorful? Neutral? How do you live now? Are you tidy and put away or do you like a more rumpled lived-in place? While the questions may seem endless, don’t get discouraged if the answer doesn’t appear right away. Design is an evolutionary process, and the more you know the better your choices will be.

START LOOKING AROUND The best place to begin is with magazines. Tear out pictures that have an emotional appeal to you. (If you’re at your doctor’s office and the receptionist is watching like a hawk, I would avoid this tactic and simply take a camera shot of the page and download it later. It can avoid an awkward moment – trust me!) Create a design file that includes images of everything from cabinet knobs and paint colors to furniture, window treatments, or even display ideas. Most designers use this technique when working on a project to convey an idea to a client. One of the benefits of creating a design file is that it can clear your home of the multitude of

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magazines that collect over time. The greatest benefit is that it narrows down the many options that attract you to a few that are now easily accessed.

DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO PRICE Focus solely on what draws you in regardless of cost and appropriateness. Even if something is outside your budget now, there is often a way to get the look you want for less. A modern chair at Design Within Reach may have a knockoff online. Trust me; the good stuff always gets reinterpreted. For inspiration, there are a multitude of publications that focus on home design and décor. The national publications I recommend are Elle Décor, House Beautiful, Better Homes And Garden, Traditional Home and Dwell magazines. Local oriented publications I like are Oregon Home, Portland Monthly, Gray, and Sunset magazines. Use them to find what makes your heart sing, and set to work. Be sure to look at the “resources” section. Often, manufacturers are listed so you can track down a specific item. It is better to pull more ideas and narrow your focus once you’ve become more informed. By the way, this technique is one I ask my clients to do. Often they have no idea of what they want so I make them show me pictures. One of my favorite things is when they go overboard and give me a three ring binder with plastic sleeves, sorted by subject!

GO SHOPPING I know this sounds horrible to some. Personally I have a shopping addiction, so if someone gave me this assignment I would do a happy dance. If you aren’t so inclined, be smart when you plan a shopping trip. Set out with a specific time limit and a goal. Or you can be more casual and find a store here, a shop there – or do a power shop and hit every store within a certain radius. When you’re shopping, do the same thing as when you

February 2013

Photo by Alex Vasilescu Photography

As a designer, my job is to teach clients about design and guide them on how to make the wisest choices while considering everything from lifestyle and architecture to budget. The ultimate goal is to create that intangible feeling of delight we have as we enjoy our homes and have a place that we love. And more importantly, to create a home that we would be proud to share with anyone.

“

I am my mother’s son, and my partner and I have knocked heads about all the knick knacks.”

February 2013

searched magazines. Find what grabs your heart. Purple sofa? Great! Industrial chic? Go for it! At this point you’re only taking pictures for your design file – and again, bear in mind that you will sort this all out later. (Here is a tip: Take a full-on picture of the item and then a separate picture of the price tag. It will make budgeting and remembering the store much easier.) The goal of shopping is to discover what you really want, and it’s also an education in pricing items. It’s always a shock to most people what things cost.

GET INSPIRED Pay attention when you’re out and about. Portland is filled with amazing places, talented architects and gifted designers. I love looking at open houses – nothing makes me happier than walking into a nicely designed and furnished home regardless of how much is spent on furnishings. I’ve seen bungalows that are better designed and decorated than mansions in the West Hills. Do you love the interior of a certain hotel? How about your favorite restaurant? Most of us are now blessed with a digital phone that can easily take photos. It may be a lighting fixture, window treatments or simply the way a room is laid out. Is it a bathroom you like? (Note: You JustOut.com

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November 2012

may want to make sure that the bathroom is empty when you photograph – yet another awkward moment.) Use these images to create your dream room and inspire you to make informed choices.

SURF THE WEB A final source of inspiration for me is the internet. Use search words that have come up in your homework. “Chandelier,” “Upholstered chair,” “Stores like…” As we all know, the Internet is an enormous resource and is invaluable in getting information. Not only will it help you find local stores, often the online catalogs carry far more items than can be shown in a retail space. Remember that chair you saw at a store and couldn’t afford? The Internet has become so competitive that almost any search item will come up with multiple suppliers. What’s more, larger retailers’ photos show rooms that are merchandised in a way that can provide additional inspiration and give you a sense of how things can be used together in ways you may not have thought about. Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn have mastered their online sites and re-invigorated store catalogs as well. You almost need a bottle of wine to get through Restoration Hardware’s 600-page tome. Or perhaps that’s just me. Whatever your approach to getting started, your design file will save you a lot of work. Something as simple as a picture to show a contractor, store clerk or interior designer is the best way to communicate a concept. As you sift through the huge number of ideas that you have accumulated while doing your homework, you are getting an education in interior design. I call this enlightened choice. It brings you to a new level in understanding design that will allow you to proceed with confidence to create the dream that you envision. And if you ever meet an interior designer, be sure to invite them over. I’ve been known to work for food. § Based in Portland, Jonathan Hopp has worked as a residential interior designer for over 25 years designing homes all over the U.S. In 2011, he published Interior Bliss: How To Decorate Like A Pro Without Breaking The Bank. A regular personality on Portland's AM Northwest, Jonathan shares tips and trick of the trade to create a home that will be a delight for years. jonathanhopp. com Write him at JonthanH@JustOut.com

February 2013

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Q+A David Menez Cantu

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I am an esthetician, and I work and own The Spa at Esther Short Park. I am also an ASL (American Sign Language) Interpreter for the Deaf. I work for Clark College part time, and for the Archdiocese of Portland interpreting a Spanish Catholic Mass once a month. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN PORTLAND? WHAT DO YOU LOVE/HATE ABOUT IT? I’ve lived in the Portland metro area for the better part of 25 years. My parents brought us here when we were kids and I’ve stayed in the area. I love the season changes, and the plethora of activities available to us as Northwesterners. The beach is close, there are mountains to climb, hike and snowboard, rivers to swim, boat, wakeboard or jetski and tan (by using an appropriate SPF of course). HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED DISCRIMINATION FOR BEING LGBT? I was an Infantryman in the U.S. Army, and I experienced discrimination on a daily basis. I wasn’t worried about it, however, because I had fellow soldiers, brothers-in-arms, who supported me no matter what. I also know that if the people who were discriminating against me would take the time to get to know me, they’d end up being my friend and supporting me as well. This always seems to be the case, thank God, and I have always been blessed to have the opportunity to let them see me as a person in addition to a member of the LGBT community.

Photo by Horace Long

WHAT WAS THE BEST PART ABOUT COMING OUT FOR YOU? The best part of coming out for me was being true to myself and letting my family know who I am and not hiding anything from them in fear of what they might say. I am fortunate enough to still have their unconditional love regardless of their thoughts about me coming out. More importantly, I have my families love and their respect for being who I am and not hiding it. I also have the love and support of all of my close friends who are also my family and that’s a priceless blessing.§

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25 Questions for a Jewish Mother

Written by Emmy Award winning comic Judy Gold with her partner Kate Moira Ryan, 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother is based on more than 50 interviews with Jewish mothers across the United States conducted over a five-year period. Oy! $15-35, 7:30 p.m. Thurs — Sat, 2 p.m. Sundays at The Sanctuary @ Sandy Plaza (1785 NE Sandy Blvd)

25 Questions for a Jewish Mother

Starts

The queen of New Orleans sissy bounce, a genre dedicated to queer urban dance, invites Portland to shake its booty. $15, 7:30 p.m. at Wonder Ballroom (128 NE Russell St)

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ADD IN THE DAZZLING FUNK AND SEXY, ATMOSPHERIC HIP-HOP OF STARTING BANDS KINGDOM CRUMBS AND DUAL MODE. $6, 8:30 P.M. AT HOLOCENE (1001 SE MORRISON)

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Unmentionable: A Lingerie Exposition

Runway show featuring: Lille Boutique, R.A.W., Under the Root, Aniela Parys, Mag-Big Boutique, Allihalla, Tani Thompson, Make It Good, Rebecca Barron, and StarFlower. Vendors: SheBop, Missionary Chocolates, StarFlower, Lille, Mag-Big, Under the Root, Aniela Parys, Make It Good, Allihalla, and R.A.W. All ages, $10, 8 – 10 p.m. at The Secret Society (116 NE Russell St) Runs the 7th - 24th

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PICA artist and musician Claudia Meza brings her energetic side project to the stage with Nucular Aminals record release party. $5, 9 p.m. at Mississippi Studios (3939 N Mississippi Ave)