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Weall have reasons to celebrate – from birthdays and weddings to anniversaries and graduations, along with Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and everything in between – events in our lives that bring us together to create some of our fondest memories. Many celebrations were muted or disrupted by COVID-19 of course. We saw it in our own Celebrations Guide, which we first published in May 2020 as the world was shutting down. In fact, we suspended publication of this Guide in 2021 because we weren’t doing a lot of our normal celebrating – at least with others.
But with vaccines and boosters and careful planning keeping the disease in check for now, we are all enjoying in person celebrations again. The event industry is rebounding with party supplies selling fast. Planners, photographers, caterers and other vendors are busier than ever.
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, employment for meeting, convention and event planners is projected to grow 18% from 2021 to 2031, much faster than average for all occupations.
Of course, there have been local weddings and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs for as long as people have lived in Providence. But this is only our third Celebrations Guide. Last year we told you the stories of some of the people who postponed their celebrations because of COVID. This year, we look back on some of the memorable celebrations large and small in our community.
Many thanks to our advertisers who are such a big part of helping our community make great memories. Please remember to support them for helping make this guide possible!
For everyone celebrating a wedding, Bar or Bat Mitzvah, anniversary or any other simcha, we wish you a mazel tov!
And please share your photos with us. Our celebrations are such a vital part of the fabric of our community. We might publish your celebration in Jewish Rhode Island, on our website, or even in next year’s guide.
FRAN OSTENDORF EditorJewish Rhode Island’s guide to all of your special events.
Two Unique Rooms. Rooftop Waterfront Deck.
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Rustic. Industrial. Historic.
Family Features – A wedding day is filled with symbolic tradition, from varied religious customs to the never-ending circle reflected in the rings and the types of flowers accentuating the celebration. Even with all the traditional rituals to consider, nearly every bride and groom can find ways to give their special day some unique touches that reflect their personality and love.
Music sets the mood for every wedding, and it’s an easy place to put your own spin on the celebration. Whether you forgo traditional bridal music entirely or simply look for arrangements that give updated twists to the classics, let guests know this isn’t your average wedding by setting the festivities against a soundtrack that lets your true character shine.
The wedding party is intended to be a collection of those nearest and dearest to the bride and groom, who help ensure the day goes off without
a hitch and who lead fellow revelers in celebrating the start of the new couple’s life together. That being said, there’s no reason this group must be limited to women on her side and guys on his, or even that it’s limited to humans – a beloved pooch can make for an adorable ring-bearer, after all.
Photography is an essential element of your big day, but think beyond the images you’ll capture throughout the wedding and reception. Photos lend a personal touch, no matter what your color scheme or theme. Integrate photos of the two of you at various stages of life, together as a couple and with loved ones (perhaps even some you’re honoring in memoriam). You can display these at a table with the guest book, as part of the table centerpieces, or even on the gift table. Or take things digital and load all your images into a slide show set to music.
Make favors meaningful. Forgo more common items like bubbles and chocolate, and instead send a little of yourself home with your guests. Maybe it’s a memento from a place with special meaning to you both, or a bottle opener shaped like a bicycle to represent the way you met. Just think about the moments and things that define you as a couple and do some searching online. You’ll probably be surprised by how quickly the options pile up.
Serve up a menu that shows guests more about your life together. Your loved ones can order basic beef or chicken anywhere. Instead, give them a glimpse into you. Make your main course the same food you enjoyed on your first date or during another monumental moment in your courtship. Or plan the entire menu around a region that you hold close to your heart.
Weddings are filled with traditions, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put your own touches on the day for a special event filled with memories that are uniquely your own.
We’ve (hopefully) mostly left the endless Zoom events behind us, at least for our personal milestones. But there are still ways your inperson parties can benefit from a digital assist. Check out the following six tips for upping your game on your next big day.
1 Send email invitations! Most RSVPs are done online anyhow, and I don’t know anyone who saves other people’s printed wedding invitations. If you send an invitation via email, guests can get it on their calendar as quickly as possible. This will also help people get to the wedding website faster, which is very important if you have a kid-free wedding (people will need to secure sitters), any sort of themed attire (I need to buy something white?!) or a venue that requires many guests to travel to the event.
2 Be sure to create an event website with all the information your guests might need, and get them a link as quickly as possible. If people are traveling for your event, they’ll need hotel information, of course, but it is also considerate to let them know if they should rent a car, or if Uber or Lyft will do, the dress code and what the weather is generally like in the area at that time of year. Chances are, not everyone is familiar with the area where the event is being held, so it is always nice to recommend places to eat and things to see and do. This is also a good way to infuse some of the hosts’ personalities into otherwise mundane travel information.
3 Create a digital photo album that guests can add to instead of using social media to share photos (especially
important to consider when there are minors present!). You can do this in “Photos” if you are an iPhone user and add people to your shared album for the event. You can also use Google Photos to create an album and send a link with your email invitation that people can use to upload photos. Remember, not everyone wants to be on social media, and everyone should be having fun instead of worrying about how they’ll look in your posts.
4 Don’t go wild with the hashtags, if you choose the social media route – unless you’re an influencer, you only need one, and its main utility is to allow you to quickly search Instagram for photos from your event. Make sure the hashtag is unique – you don’t want your guests to have to comb through someone else’s photos that are mixed in with yours. This is especially important if one or both of you have common names – doublecheck before you print the hashtag on everyone’s seating assignment cards!
5 Photo booths are still fun! If you are hosting a wedding anniversary, have some iconic photos of the couple for everyone else to emulate. Prom photos, wedding photos, road trips, ’80s hair, go for it. Bonus points if you have props! Later, you can turn these photo-booth images into books for the couple. For B’nai Mitzvah, you don’t have to go with the traditional speech bubbles and oversized glasses – check out thrift and antique stores for something that relates to the child being celebrated. Did your daughter love tea parties when she was little? Pick up an old tea set at a thrift store. Do you have a sports fanatic? Look for baseball bats, golf clubs, helmets and jerseys or maybe a giant foam hand. Does your kid love theater? Find the wildest vintage outfits you
can and let them go wild dressing up for unique photos. Whatever the theme, you can find great props with a little time and creativity.
6 Polaroid cameras and disposable cameras are a great way to get some unique shots. Choose Polaroids if you want your guests to take the photos with them; if you want them all to yourself, go with the disposable cameras. You can get cameras that take photos in color or black and white, and they are worth the hassle of getting the film developed. Most places will send you JPEGs in addition to prints, so you can add them to any shared album you’ve set up.
SARAH GREENLEAF (sgreenleaf@jewishallianceri.org) is the digital marketing specialist for the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island and writes for Jewish Rhode Island.
Family Features – For some couples, the idea of registering for wedding gifts is an exciting way to start planning for the home they’ll be sharing as newlyweds. For others, the registry is just one more chore to check off the wedding to-do list.
Regardless of where you fall on the love-it-orhate-it spectrum, most experts agree a registry is a good idea, especially for couples who will be setting up a home together for the first time. Keep these tips and etiquette guidelines in mind to get the most out of your registry.
For couples who’ve lived alone or together, the registry may be a way to fill in gaps for necessities neither of you already has. It’s also a good way to begin upgrading the less expensive kitchen items and furnishings you had as college students or singles. Make a list of your needs and wants so you don’t forget any essentials. If you’re still in doubt, request a checklist from the store where you’ll be registering so you can do some planning.
The whole purpose of a registry is to make it easy for your guests to get you things you’ll like and need. Part of making it easy is recognizing your guests have diverse financial situations. While it’s customary to gift the bride and groom, not everyone can afford an extravagant gift, especially if they’ve spent money on travel and attire to attend. While it’s a good idea to offer modest
options, don’t shy away from bigger ticket items that a small group might chip in on together.
Avoid stores that are local or regional if you have many guests who live out of the area. Also avoid the temptation to choose online-only options, as some guests will prefer to see what they’re buying. Aim for a mix of large national stores and online retailers.
Plan to block off at least a few hours for an in-person registry.
It will take time to get everything set up. Traveling through the store, debating options and making your selections could take longer than expected. Also be sure to ask how you can add to or edit your registry after your initial visit.
There are bound to be some parts of the registry one partner may not care about, but asking for input and making decisions together lets you both share in the excitement. Focus on things you’ll each find useful as you settle into your new home. For example, the person who will be responsible for taking out the trash should get to pick the new kitchen trash can.
At the coronation of King Charles in May, Princess Catherine broke with tradition by wearing a floral crown instead of a tiara.
“The sight of the Princess of Wales in a floral crown … set a particular tone, showing the King’s reverence for nature and his passion for flowers,” royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith told a British newspaper.
At her wedding to Prince William in 2011, Catherine also made a thoughtful decision
about flowers. Instead of choosing blooms based on their color or shape or scent, she chose based on their meaning.
In the Victorian era, “the language of flowers” was an enormously popular way to communicate, and each bridal bouquet was ripe with symbolism. Harking back to that era, Princess Kate’s bouquet included: lily of the valley, hyacinth, sweet william, myrtle and ivy – read on to discover the meanings behind these and other flowers.
Chrysanthemums: red, are a symbol of love, while white chrysanthemums mean loyal, devoted love. But don’t choose yellow chrysanthemums, which symbolize sorrow in love.
Lilies of the valley are most commonly defined as symbolizing a “return to happiness,” but the tiny white bell-shaped flowers also have the closely associated meanings of sweetness, purity and luck in love. These flowers are expensive, but you don’t need a lot of them
in your bouquet – just enough to make your point.
Hyacinths come in many colors, ranging from pure white to near red, and every color has its own meaning. If you want to show constancy or sincerity, choose blue hyacinth, but if your goal is loveliness, choose white. If you and your intended enjoy sports, or believe that the family that plays together stays together, pick pink or red hyacinths, which are both
associated with sports and play. Definitely do not choose any shade of purple hyacinths, since they are all associated with sorrow, or yellow hyacinths, which mean jealousy. In addition to the beauty and symbolism of these star-shaped flowers, they are popular in bouquets for their intoxicating aroma.
Hydrangeas are colorful, showy plants that are associated with bragging and vanity in the Victorian language of flowers. But in a parallel Japanese flower tradition, called Hanakotoba, hydrangeas symbolize an apology or deep gratitude. So, if you’re partial to this striking and popular bridal flower, you could consider this a multicultural addition to your bouquet!
Ivy, while not strictly a flower, is sometimes part of the bouquet’s greenery and is a wonderful addition for its message of friendship, fidelity, affection and marriage.
Myrtle symbolizes love, pure and simple, but has a long history and special symbolism for Jews. This white, star-shaped flower grows wild on Mount Carmel and in the Upper Galilee. It is one of four plants used to decorate the sukkah and merits repeated references in the Torah. In Hebrew, myrtle is also a symbol of marriage, so it’s hard to go wrong adding this fragrant bloom to the flower arrangements at your wedding.
Ranunculus, whether white, pink, red, yellow or gold, means the same thing: I am dazzled by your charms. Small wonder it’s a perennial favorite at weddings.
Roses are a universal symbol of beauty, but that’s just the start – these blooms come in hundreds of colors and shades and almost all have a specific meaning. For example, yellow roses with red tips mean falling in love, while blue roses symbolize the impossible, and thornless
roses represent love at first sight. For brides, the following are good choices: red roses mean love and romance; pink roses mean friendship, perfect happiness, appreciation and gratitude; white mean marriage and new starts; orange mean passion, desire and enthusiasm; yellow mean friendship and joy; and purple/lavender mean enchantment or love at first sight.
Sweet william is a densely clustered flower that means gallantry and smiles – good characteristics to have in a mate (even if his name isn’t William). Sweet william, which is also associated with smiles, grows in a wide variety of colors, from white to richest red, deepest purple and multicolored.
Tulips in general symbolize a declaration of love, but specific colors, like roses, have specific meanings: yellow tulips are probably not the right choice for a wedding since they mean hopeless or spurned love, but violet tulips are probably an excellent choice, since they mean faithful love. Red tulips mean you’re deeply, passionately in love, while pink ones express happiness, affection and love that isn’t romantic. Purple tulips are a symbol of royalty and the related sentiments of abundance and prosperity, while white expresses an apology or forgiveness.
For more information to help you choose blooms, search the internet – there are plenty of websites on the language of flowers. The Language of Flowers website, at languageofflowers.com, is a good place to start, as are florist sites, many of which have information on flower symbolism. There are also many books on the topic, including the charming novel “The Language of Flowers,” by Vanessa Diffenbaugh.
COLUMNIST’S NOTE: In the bygone era before the internet, social media and videos, Bar Mitzvahs were much less of a production than they’ve been the last couple of decades, but some things haven’t changed.
I reflected on the changes – and similarities – of Bar Mitzvahs in this column that first appeared in the Oct. 12, 2018, edition of The Jewish Voice.
Bar Mitzvahs have evolved in the 58 years since I had mine, but the more they’ve changed, the more they’ve essentially stayed the same.
Back in those ancient times, there were fewer elaborate parties and those that were held cost quite a bit less and were planned largely by the parents, not event planners. But it was understood that some kind of social gathering would follow the morning service, an effort that required spending a lot of money outside of my family’s monthly household budget.
Remaining virtually unchanged since 1965, however, are the religious requirements that the Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate has to go through: attending Hebrew School, or a tutorial equivalent, is still considered essential, as is a somewhat lengthy process of studying so the student knows how to recite his or her maftir
That aspect was the same for me as it was for my older daughter in the months leading up to her July 18, 2009, Bat Mitzvah, though she had it a bit tougher than her old man as she had to lead some of the service, something that despite my six years of Hebrew School, I didn’t have to do. I just had to learn my maftir and haftarah, Ekeb, from the Book of Isaiah, which – full disclosure – the name had escaped me until I found my old orange study book.
My daughter and I shared the same reaction to having finished our work on the bimah: sheer relief that it was all over. But that’s where the similarities ended.
Whereas her morning in the synagogue was followed by a catered brunch for congregants, family and friends and a separate evening dinner/party for close friends and family at another venue, my celebration was fairly basic.
The “party” – far from today’s slick affairs, complete with a band or DJ, a guest entertainer, party favors and a whole lot of other “extras” that drive the price up to the equivalent of several mortgage payments – consisted of a post-Bar Mitzvah lunch at the synagogue. After that, family and friends gathered at our apartment less than a mile from our Dorchester shul. There, I thanked people for their gifts – mostly United States Savings Bonds, which years
‘Bar Mitzvahs have evolved... but the more they’ve changed, the more they’ve essentially stayed the same.’
later proved a nifty way to pay for college. Now, those bonds won’t cover the meal plan at your chosen university.
But a funny thing happened on the way to a relaxing Bar Mitzvah afternoon at home.
I got sick – again.
That’s right: I had been ill less than two weeks before my Bar Mitzvah on Aug. 21, 1965 – an ear infection – and even though I had recovered enough to be able to handle the day’s duties, including giving a speech (“Ladies and gentlemen, today I am a fountain pen …”), the fates had other ideas.
I felt fine after returning home from shul, so well in fact that I ditched my Bar Mitzvah suit, changed into shorts and decided to shoot hoops in my backyard with my cousins and some friends while the grown-ups were busy noshing on the leftover knishes.
I worked up a good sweat in the August heat and suddenly was wicked thirsty. So, I poured the following liquids into a tall glass: cherry heering (which I later found out wasn’t an adult fruit juice) and ginger ale.
I felt fine initially, but a couple of hours later, my face was redder than the Red Sox’ socks and I was burning up. After telling Sylvia, my mother, what I had consumed, she initially assumed a cause-and-effect equation only to realize a little later that my horrid complexion wasn’t tied to what I had drunk, but was because I was ailing.
So Sylvia called our family doctor, which wasn’t an oxymoron in 1965. Not only did one physician care for all of a family’s members, from grandparents to newborns, but doctors once upon a time also made house calls. While not the Bronze Age, it was in the days before medical appointments were followed by wrangling vociferously with insurance providers to get the coverage you paid for – and before we were put on hold by insurance companies longer than it took our ancestors to cross the desert.
But I digress.
The physician, Dr. Robert Ober, arrived on a Saturday night, and soon this conversation between patient and doctor ensued:
Doc: So, Larry, kissing girls again, I see. (I got that a lot from him.)
Me (in bed, with muted laughter): No, doc, I’m really sick.
Doc (taking temperature): You’ve got a 105 fever.
He determined my ear infection had returned, and then said what’s stuck with me all these years: the fact that I had downed cherry heering liqueur was a very good thing, because it helped me sweat out my fever.
It may not have been the most exciting Bar Mitzvah, but it was one that I’ve never forgotten – even if more than a half-century later, I couldn’t remember the name of my haftarah.
LARRY KESSLER (larrythek65@gmail.com) is a freelance writer based in North Attleboro. He blogs at larrytheklineup.blogspot.com.
COLUMNIST’S NOTE: This column on my older daughter Arianna’s Bat Mitzvah first appeared in the July 22, 2009, edition of The Sun Chronicle of Attleboro, MA. Looking back on it, I was probably even more nervous than she was on that special day. Fourteen years later, my daughter is well established on her own and is living in New York, where she’s a teacher. Although her Bat Mitzvah day, July 18, 2009, is in the past, this column with my remarks to our guests that day remains relevant.
A Jewish youth is considered to be Bar or Bat Mitzvahed regardless of whether they undertake the year or more of study to be called to the Torah during a Sabbath. That means that the youth is considered to be a full member of the congregation, one who counts toward the minyan.
But somewhere along the line – I think it was when a Jewish Borscht Belt comedian penned the joke, “Today I am a fountain pen” in reference to a gift that many young men used to get for the occasion – a ceremony was added, not to mention the post-Bar or Bat Mitzvah party.
Well, today I am a fountain pen, because my oldest daughter had her Bat Mitzvah this past Saturday, and she made her family extremely proud. She not only did an accomplished job
chanting that week’s chapter of the Bible in Hebrew, but she had so much fun that she didn’t mind that her father insisted on addressing the guests.
Some of what I had to say is being published here to illustrate a much broader point: Success only comes with a lot of hard work, and with the help of many people, even if you have all the ability in the world. Or, to put it another way, it takes a village to produce a Bat or Bar Mitzvah.
Here’s the gist of my remarks:
“Like the Israelites, who were led out of Egypt and to the Promised Land by God and a cast of thousands, starring not Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson, but Moses and Aaron, we were led on our journey to this day by a large cast of not always obvious sages, leaders and spiritual guides.
“Our family’s journey began with a feature story in The Sun Chronicle about the Kasses, an Attleboro family, who in January 1996 had done something that in the days before Angelina Jolie and Madonna was still considered unusual: adopted a child from a foreign country.
“ ‘Lewis at last’ was the headline on the story by my retired colleague and friend, Betsy Shea-Taylor, about the family’s adoption of a son from Ecuador.
That article inspired my wife to call the couple’s adoption agency, the Alliance for
Children, and we eventually began the lengthy adoption process until we found ourselves in a hotel room in Hefei, China, in September 1997 contemplating becoming parents.
“Thankfully, we weren’t there alone. There were 10 other couples sharing our adventure, and just as the Israeli tribes mentioned in today’s Torah portion had each other, we also had the other couples to share our fears, worries and joys. We’ve been fortunate enough over the years to count on their friendship, as well as that of other parents of Chinese children who traveled after us.
They are special people to my family, and they will remain unnamed in this article only to prove the point of this column: that whatever success story is out there – a marriage, a high school or college graduate, a student who excels – chances are extremely likely that it came only because of this recipe: the diligence, hard work and determination of the person involved –and the teaching and leadership of those who inspired the person.
With the big day now a distant, but pleasant memory, I am convinced that my daughter’s success was due in large part to those two main ingredients – as well as to the fact that she was supported by a lot of family members and friends.
Her, and our, “Mazel Tov” was theirs also.
LARRY KESSLER (larrythek65@gmail.com) is a freelance writer based in North Attleboro. He blogs at larrytheklineup.blogspot.com.
“Our journey was challenging. Just as the Israelites had to pass through various stations in their long journey through the desert en route to the Promised Land, we trekked through China for two weeks before returning to the United States, where the journey got interesting. A baby-naming in October 1997 was followed by play groups, dance classes, preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, Hebrew School and middle school.”
My remarks went on to thank those people who made a difference in my daughter’s journey to her big day, including the president and members of Congregation B’nai Israel in Woonsocket. I also especially thanked the conservative synagogue’s spiritual leader and her longtime teacher, whom I called the modern-day equivalent of Moses and Aaron.
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