Family

SFFamily

#essay, #family, #postcolonialism, #language, #love

‘You enter only to realize that the space is already occupied.’ (Sara Ahmed)

Family is on different occasions shown as a happy picture of the perfect family. This serves as a conventional way in which society depicts the family; and this is conventional since the first thing most people think of with the word ‘family’ is heterosexuality. The father, the mother, and the children: A ‘perfect’ picture of a family. We see this picture everywhere; in commercials, cooking books, banners, on medical folders; and it’s sickening. Nevertheless, we say it’s open and we invite everyone in, because everyone can be part of the family; right? But the queer won’t feel accepted, rather they might feel drowned or asphyxiated by this narrow meaning of family.

‘Queers need to do more than marry each other in order to destroy the institution of marriage.’ (Sara Ahmed)

Even the idea of gay marriage doesn’tbreak this heterosexual interpretation of what a family looks like, because, you still have the same dynamics that represent the same heterosexual ideology of a family. To break this idea, one must understand that a family is: A group of people that is not bound by blood or signed papers. Family is an all by all interpretation that has to do with individual beliefs and personal affiliation with each other. A family is a group of individuals that characterize themselves with each other, from different perspectives. The family has

What’s the use. Ahmed, Sarah. to do with identification, whether you like this person or not and whether you sleep with them or not. Family should not only be tied to sexuality, because the a-sexual also deserves to have a family without judgments. And, most importantly, family goes far beyond just humanity. Family is a home; a place where do you feel the most at home?

‘Heterosexuality given casually for the children as projection of the future.’ (Sarah Ahmed)

I just remember my grandma saying that I have to learn how to clean the house, since that is what I will be doing once I have kids. It’s the projection of what society thinks is ideal onto their children. It is also the meaning of what the patriarchy determines as family. That is where it actually goes wrong. Parents are creating this perfect future for their kids, preparing them for this unknown reality. What if I don’t want to be a housewife? The children might find themselves forced into these ideal dreams. Society determines for us what we should be dreaming about. Furthermore, if you don’t aspire to be in this picture you’re weird, cast out, rebellious, and deviant. And you’ll probably have to change it, because otherwise you will be stuck in this unhappy, or unreal, apparent future that you want to create for yourself. Unhappy, because society won’t picture it, and unhappy because this means you want to force it. Why do we have to force society to accept your decisions? Why do we have to force society to take notice and respect your sexual orientation? Why do we have to be responsible for that burden? who doesn’t get a seat at the table. Family has also to do with acceptance, which also implies acceptance of the post-colonial consequences.

The foreigner should have the same opportunities as the privileged white descendents whose ancestors embezzled their residence, tore their ancestry families apart, and brought them to the Caribbean to work. Forced them into slavery and even forced themselves into their genealogical trees. Herewith, the foreigners don’t know where they came from, so, the colonizer gets to tell the story: ‘You started to exist when I discovered you.’ Today the foreigner is categorized as the criminal, the loud one, the slut, the ‘belasting trekker’, the aggressive one, and one who won’t be formally accepted in royalty. The foreigner is a foreigner and will always be one. You have to speak my language, you have to do it right, you need the accent, you’ll forget your language, I don’t want to speak that and it’s not part of the royalty. Forget your country, it’s a lost cause. You have to accept that it’s better here to sit and eat with the servants. Because you’ll never get a seat at the royal table, but you might get in the house. Your refusal to this forced reality might end in brutality and your disappearance. Don’t obliterate, I’m still your family.

You have to open institutions for those whom they did not intend.

That is where the queer meets post-colonialism, and diversity meets inclusions.

‘A refusal to do something properly, a refusal to forget one’s language and family, a refusal to disappear.’ (Sara Ahmed)

First, it was the colonizer taking spaces, forcing themselves into bodies, creating these new family dynamics through generations. But they still seem to refuse the idea of accepting these people into their family and their society. It’s the foreigner