Kaleo Journal
ISSUE 004
JAN/FEB 2017
there's a party going on colors, cultures and celebrations
The One and Only Kaleo Journal Kaleo Journal is a collaborative magazine of many talented young people who are looking to make their impact on the world in a positive and expressive way, using their talents to create something amazing. And they have. Brought together by a team of young people passionate about bringing social issues to light, Kaleo believes in the power of the youth. Dedicated to giving emerging creative people a platform, our interviews and profiles delve deeper into their talented minds to inspire and excite you. Released bi-monthly, each edition is centered around a theme that encapsulates issues that deserve discussion such as equality, wellbeing and identity, in entertaining and engaging ways. With a range of articles, reviews, quick reads and our signature regular columns, we aim to express the diverse issues that matter to young people in a refreshingly clear way.
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Terrific Tunes
HERE COMES THE SUN // THE BEATLES DANCING ON GLASS // ST. LUCIA
COLORS // THE HEAD AND THE HEART LOVING SOMEONE // THE 1975 DANCING QUEEN // ABBA
SPECTRUM // FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE FALLING // HAIM
DIFFERENT COLORS // WALK THE MOON
YOU'VE GOT THE LOVE // FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE GRIGIO GIRLS // LADY GAGA
LET'S DANCE TO JOY DIVISION // THE WOMBATS YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE // THE STROKES VIDA LA VIDA // COLDPLAY COLORS // GROUPLOVE
AUSTRALIA // THE SHINS
CELEBRATION // KOOL AND THE GANG
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of Issue Four Dearest readers, First off, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! I know that for many people, 2016 was a hectic year but we have officially made it through those chaotic twelve months. For the Kaleo Journal team, 2016 was the year that all of our hard work proved to pay off. After one year of planning, we released our very first issue in July 2016. We have met and worked with so many loving hearts from across the world through Kaleo and we plan to continue expanding our connections with young, creative souls. Personally, I found that 2016 was a year filled with gratitude. I am so incredibly blessed to have the support from Kaleo’s contributors and readers so thank you to those that encouraged this dream of mine. Even in a year as crazy as this was, I witnessed one of my biggest dreams come true. And now as we roll into 2017, I hope that our readers are able to embrace this fresh start. The January 2017 issue is based around celebration, culture, and colors to ensure that this year is a time spent by rejoicing our differences, expanding our knowledge on the world, and living a vivid life. I pray that God continues to open doors for the Kaleo team to continue to share the importance of love and acceptance to everyone, despite differences in color or culture. Let us celebrate the New Year and the colorful possibilities that await us. All the love,
Kamryn Kobal
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What's Inside 004 Playlist
005 Editors Letter
008 Meet The Team
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010 Poet Tree:
011 Celebrate Youth Playlist
Drain
012 Lost In The Music
021 Moiety
In The Spotlight:
014 The Sound and the Spirit
022 101 Ways ` to Cope With Stress
Nidia Marissa
033 A Letter In Which I Initiate Change
034 Fill In The Blanks:
Hexelot
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054 Serendipity
of Issue Four
055 Things to Look Out for in 2017
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Four Letter Words:
056 Fill In The Blanks:
Sinae Carrotate
070 The Trip: Hawaii and Alaska
0058 Globetrotter: Paris
Pink
086 084 Fill In The Blanks:
A Short Story
Always
064 Meet Eloise Myatt
090 Cultural Bliss
106 Sister Projects
Photoshoot
107 Contact
Seema Shakti
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Meet the Team
Kamryn Kobal Founder and Editor Yellow is the happiest color in the world. It is the color of sunshine and bumblebees that buzz in summertime. It's also the name of the greatest Coldplay song written.
Alex Colberg Photojournalist I aspire to be like the green of earth, fulfilling humanly desires with a lush natural growth and a rejuvenating essence.
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Chloe Katopodis Creative Director I don't exactly have a favorite color; each has its special place. Even lime green won't make you want to cry set in a 70's style living room. Well, not too hard.
Margot Oyuela Photojournalist Many people see black as a morbid color but I like to believe you can do anything with it. Have you ever seen something that doesn't match with black? Didn't think so.
Alex Markey Music Columnist
Bella Lopes Writer
I think the duality of the color purple describes my personality perfectly. Lavender symbolizes opportunity and love while plum represents mystery and ambition.
Its femininity and the lightest sun rays during an evening sunset. The gentle touches from your heart, the sounds from a romantic film. It is love in the finest of ways.
of Issue Four Our Incredible Contributors Nidia Marissa Donyada // Photographer IG: @nidiamarssa behance.net/nidiamarissa www.nidiamarissa.com
Hannah Ofczarzak Playlist Director Pastel pink is my favorite color. Pink represents compassion and love. It's a delicate color that's soft, simple, and brings back thoughts of happy times in my life.
Hannah Lozano Writer Blue is scientifically proven to calm a person's mind. It's our one and only sky, it's refreshing, it's soft, and have you ever seen an ugly shade of blue?
Sinae Carrotate // Illustrator IG: @carrotate Tumblr: sinae-carrotate www.sinae-carrotate.com Hexelot // Illustrator IG: @hexelot Eloise Myatt // Illustrator IG: @eloise.adelaide IG: @eloisemyatt Seema Shakti// Artist IG: @seemashakti Dylan Brokmeyer // Writer IG: @dbrokmeyer Brooke LaMantia // Writer IG: @_brooke_at_me_now Valerie Martinez // Photographer Twitter: @valleerriieeee
Mclane Stringer Photographer
Chilli Team Mascot
Almost everything I own is black and most people assume that it's my favorite color because of that, but surprisingly my favorite color is actually pink!
There is this little honey brown bear toy that Chilli likes to pick up and take around the house and sleep with in his little Elmo chair, so I imagine that is his fave color. â—?
Domino Guajardo // Photographer IG: @beingdomino IG: @girlsontape
+you models: Sieanna Patel IG: @ sieanna.patel and Sarina Patel IG: _bad.gal.rina_ The Trip // IG @thetripusa
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Drain She didn't think falling in love would be like this. She didn't think he would fill her mind, unable to be drained out even when she pulled the plug; she was full of him. She yanked at the plug over and over, but the drain was clogged. Clogged with him, and his harsh words and cruel blows. And she hired lover after lover to try to be a plumber and unplug that stupid drain, but it wouldn’t unclog. She hated him for not going away, no matter how hard she pushed. Yet she was scared, that as soon as he was drained and gone, she wouldn't be able to fill up ever again. He had used a hand and turned on the water to fill her up with love and happiness. But he left, and so she decided to fill herself. She didn't need him to make her full; all she needed was a hand to start the water, and she had two.
Brooke LaMantia
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As I sat in the passenger seat of my best friend's little red car, passing over hills somewhere in the middle of Texas, I soaked in the pure youth that I felt in that moment. My ripped jeans, dirty high top converse, and t-shirt with one of my favorite band members on the front of it served as proof that I am finally and unapologetically who I want to be in this world and the people sitting next to me in this car, love me through all of it. Better yet, they understand it.
All My Friends / LCD Soundsytem Bros / Wolf Alice Lostmyhead / The 1975 Ribs / Lorde Young Blood / The Naked and Famous Come On Eileen / Dexys Midnight Runners Wetsuit / The Shins Old Friends / Pinegrove Sweet Disposition / The Temper Trap A World Alone / Lorde
Spotify @kaleojournal
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Lost In The Music A COLUMN BY ALEX MARKEY In the midst of the crazy and controversial year that we had as an entire society, there has been one thing that has remained constant and given us all a break from the chaos. 2016 brought the world a lot of tragedy, pain, and stress, but it also brought us a lot of really good music. Almost every current popular artist released some form of music throughout this year and it was thrilling. New music including albums from Frank Ocean, The 1975, Catfish and the Bottlemen, and Rihanna filled the charts across all different genres, however they all had the opportunity to influence the industry. In my opinion, one of the best things that music does for us as individuals is that it has the power to bring people together. Music is possibly one of most universal aspects of our world and does the very best job of unifying us. No matter what country, religion, background or culture you come from, music destroys language and culture barriers and provides a place for everyone to celebrate and feel safe as one. Over the years, I have met so many people that are different from me, however we are brought together simply by listening to same music. Our paths may have never crossed if it wasn’t for the fact that we liked that same band. By just having this one thing in common, music has the power to bring people together and provide a
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community that is unlike anything else. It took me a while to understand why bands from England or the United States would tour in non-English speaking countries. My only thoughts were, “The audience doesn’t even know what they’re singing about, how do they actually even enjoy the music?” But this idea of not feeling a connection due to a language barrier is completely and utterly beside the point of music. Obviously, a big part of the emotional appeal of music are the lyrics and how they personally relate to the listeners, but there is so much more than that. I am finally starting to realize the evident fact that music doesn’t need a language to evoke emotion in people. Music stirs and stimulates the senses of hearts unlike anything else we know. Being in the crowd at a concert, surrounded by thousands of people you have never met is one of the most exciting and liberating experiences. Once you are at a live music performance, nothing else matters. Your appearance, your education, your race, religion, anything of that sort is completely disregarded and everyone is experiencing the same sense of separation from society that you stem from. The universality of music is so important in our lives and I hope that everyone grows to celebrate the unity that it provides for us. ●
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The
Sound
and the
Spirit A collection of disposable camera photos capturing the indescribable feeling of experiencing live music. PHOTOGRAPHY BY DOMINO GUAJARDO
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The Sound
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The Spirit
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The Spirit
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Moiety A COLUMN BY HANNAH LOZANO
As the dark air blows in each day to call upon night, a stillness settles around me with a near-shimmering familiarity. Stars puncture themselves into the sky like breathing holes for the dark world to catch its breath. Between trips, the walkers ask themselves the decrepit questions - the same four chords before falling back into the light that shines to only one dimension, for the sound is muted; amplification is optional. But it is the moiety of the mind and body that conjures the perennial energy of all life. The one isolated entity that exists beyond us is the scorching light that paints the colors of the clouds above and around me, both day and night - that nameless emotion. The sky's pink rays glow above us as night carries on and we dance ourselves home.
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As odd as it may sound, stress is natural and can be healthy for us. When it is temporary, it can motivate us to stick to due dates and give us that push to work harder. However, when it seems turns into a constant state of being, the power of stress is deadly. Students are some of the most vulnerable to fall into this as the pressures they are facing from various aspects of life seems to crumbles in.
AN EXTENDED, ILLUSTRATED GUIDE OF
101 Ways to Cope With Stress BASED ON BRETT PHILLIPS' LIST KINDLY PUBLISHED BY ALINA RAMIREZ
A list on Twitter posted by @lovelyyy_lina went viral with some seriously good tips (with some extra commentary) to help manage stress before it become a big bad monster. Keep this list in mind during the new year to reference when times are tough for you or a friend as we work together to build a future that supports mental wellbeing. Pictured left is one of our favorites, 043: Look up at the stars. COLORS
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101 Ways To
1. WAKE UP 15 MINUTES EARLIER
2. PREPARE FOR THE MORNING THE NIGHT BEFORE by hanging your outfit out, planning your meals and arranging your materials.
3. AVOID TIGHT FITTING CLOTHES. Be more conscious of clothes you buy and prioritize comfort.
4. AVOID AVOID RELYING RELYING 4. ON CHEMICAL CHEMICAL AIDS AIDS ON
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5. SET APPOINTMENTS AHEAD and write them in your phone calendar with alarm reminders a week and day before.
8. MAKE DUPLICATE KEYS
6. DON’T RELY ON YOUR MEMORY –
9. SAY ‘NO’ MORE OFTEN. There is nothing to feel guilty about saying no to things you don't want or can't do, especially if you are already busy. It's all about keeping a balance in life and managing your time.
Seriously, you will forget otherwise.
10. SET PRIORITIES IN YOUR LIFE
7. PRACTICE PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE When your fav jeans start to show signs of distress, look for new ones before they are unwearable. Prevention is better than the cure.
11. AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE
Cope With Stress 12. USE TIME WISELY. Use a monthly planner to see a clearer picture of the future, a weekly planner for more detailed tasks and make lists daily for maximum organization.
16. REPAIR ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T WORK PROPERLY or dispose of it if it's broken. Time to channel your inner Bob The Builder.
13. SIMPLIFY MEAL TIMES
14. ALWAYS MAKE COPIES OF IMPORTANT PAPERS
17. ASK FOR HELP WITH THE JOBS YOU DISLIKE. It's always better to do things with a friend. Many hands make light work
18. BREAK LARGE
15. ANTICIPATE YOUR NEEDS. If you're planning on making a dish, you would make sure you have the ingredients, right?
TASKS INTO
19. LOOK AT PROBLEMS AS CHALLENGES. Think of new, inventive ways to combat something your finding difficulty with and take it as an opportunity to grow and learn.
20. LOOK AT CHALLENGES DIFFERENTLY. Time to put on your Creativity Hat and think outside the box.
21. UNCLUTTER YOUR LIFE. Invest in storage units like containers, cases and shelves.
22. SMILE
BITE-SIZE PORTIONS
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101 Ways To
23. BE PREPARED FOR RAIN
24. TICKLE A BABY
25. PET A FRIENDLY DOG OR CAT
26. DON’T KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS. It's okay, really. Listen, research and stay curious, but take comfort in how wide our wonderful world is that that you will be learning forever.
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27. LOOK FOR A SILVER LINING 31. SCHEDULE PLAY TIME INTO EVERY DAY
28. SAY SOMETHING NICE TO SOMEONE, in fact, everyone you meet. Channel how touched you feel when receiving a genuine compliment.
29. TEACH A KID TO FLY A KITE
32. TAKE A BUBBLE BATH
33. BE AWARE OF THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE and be conscious of how they will affect you and others.
34. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
35. STOP SAYING NEGATIVE THINGS TO YOURSELF 30. WALK IN THE RAIN
Cope With Stress 39. HAVE GOALS FOR YOURSELF. Talk to someone close about them and make concrete plans to achieve them. Have them hold you accountable. Celebrate together when they happen.
36. VISUALIZE YOURSELF WINNING
40. DANCE A JOG
41. SAY 37. DEVELOP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR
HELLO ‘HELLO’ TO A STRANGER
38. STOP THINKING TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER TODAY. The mentality that the grass is greener on the other side will stagnate you from living in the present and leave you reaching for something fake.
42. ASK A FRIEND FOR A HUG
43. LOOK UP AT THE STARS
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101 Ways To 44. PRACTICE BREATHING SLOWLY
49. READ A STORY CURLED UP IN BED.
45. LEARN TO WHISTLE A TUNE
46. READ A POEM. Poetry can be found everywhere on the Internet - from the Romantic classics to modern musings found on ampoems. weebly.com.
50. DO A BRAND NEW THING. Think of the thing you've always wanted to try and just go for it!
51. STOP A BAD HABIT
52. BUY YOURSELF A FLOWER
47. LISTEN TO A SYMPHONY
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55. ASK SOMEONE TO BE YOUR ‘VENTPARTNER’. Or head to kaleovent.tumblr.com to do it anonymously. The main thing is not to pent things up because it clouds your mind, and speaking aloud truly helps.
56. DO IT TODAY 53. TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE FLOWERS
48. WATCH A BALLET
54. FIND SUPPORT FROM OTHERS. Reaching out can be hard, but technology can make it easier by sending a simple text.
57. WORK AT BEING CHEERFUL AND OPTIMISTIC. This doesn't mean smiling 24/7, it means being open to positivity.
Cope With Stress 58. PUT SAFETY FIRST. If you don't feel safe in a situation, don't feel obliged to stay in it.
62. STRETCH YOU LIMITS A LITTLE EACH DAY. Do an extra five minutes of stretching or try a new food. Baby steps.
66. PLANT A TREE
59. DO EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. A bit of this, a bit of that, some cake here, a jog there.
67. FEED THE BIRDS
60. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR APPEARANCE
68. PRACTISE GRACE UNDER PRESSURE. Take a breath, take two, channel Audrey Hepburn and take another breath. Stay calm and think things through, talk it out, then make a decision. It'll be OK.
63. LOOK AT A WORK OF ART.
64. HUM A JINGLE
61. STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE NOT PERFECTION. Perfection will never be a reality but trying and doing your best is.
65. MAINTAIN YOUR WEIGHT (Refer to 59)
69. STAND UP AND STRETCH. Don't spend more than an hour sitting. Move around.
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101 Ways To 80. LEARN THE WORDS TO A NEW SONG.
70. ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN ‘B’ 75. BECOME A BETTER LISTENER 71. LEARN A NEW DOODLE
72. MEMORIZE A JOKE. It doesn't have to be funny.
73. BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Be mindful, believe in yourself, own your decisions and talk things through.
74. LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN NEEDS. The first step is knowing yourself, like through taking the MBTI test, then you can explore what you need to function best.
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76. KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS AND LET OTHERS KNOW THEM TOO.
77. TELL SOMEONE TO HAVE A GOOD DAY IN PIG LATIN. That's: Ave-hay a-way ood-gay ay-day.
81. GET TO WORK EARLY. Not being in a rush will allow you to work with a clear mind.
82. CLEAN OUT ONE CLOSET. Just do one at a time, and don't put anything back that isn't clean or that you don't need.
83. PLAY PATTY CAKE WITH A TODDLER 78. THROW A PAPER AIRPLANE
79. EXERCISE EVERY DAY
84. GO ON A PICNIC
Cope With Stress 85. TAKE A DIFFERENT ROUTE TO WORK
89. WRITE A NOTE TO A FAR AWAY FRIEND
90. GO TO A BALL GAME AND SCREAM. As 'Tumblr-ish' as this one sounds, don't just go and scream like a bird waking up, scream in excitement with the crowd. Let it out.
86. LEAVE WORK EARLY (WITH PERMISSION)
87. PUT AIR FRESHENER IN YOUR CAR
88. WATCH A MOVIE AND EAT POPCORN. Is there a better way to spend a weeknight?
91. COOK AND MEAL AND EAT IT BY CANDLELIGHT
92. RECOGNIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Love is endless, let go of your boundaries and just love.
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101 Ways To 93. REMEMBER STRESS IS AN ATTITUDE. It's not forever, and if it feels like it is, talk to someone about it.
98. QUIT TRYING TO FIX OTHER PEOPLE
95. PRACTICE A MONSTER SMILE
94. KEEP A JOURNAL
96. REMEMBER THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS
100. TALK LESS AND LISTEN MORE. You'll be amazed at how much people open up when they have an opportunity to talk freely.
97. HAVE A SUPPORT NETWORK OF PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS 101. FREELY PRAISE OTHER PEOPLE
BONUS: RELAX, TAKE EACH DAY AT A TIME. YOU HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO LIVE ●
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A Letter In Which I Initiate Change It's starting to hit me, hard. A COLUMN BY CHLOE KATOPODIS Dear Danielle, It's all kind of Happening. For what feels like the time in my life, I truly feel like I am conscious that I am Alive and Living. Which isn't always a positive thing. Sometimes I will just lie down and wonder if there is any reason to do anything considering we all just come and go for seemingly no purpose; what are we striving for and why are we living? But other times (I'm finding more frequently) when I lie down, I'm thinking of all the possible ways I can utilize myself as a tool for goodness and progress to build a better future, a better now. I've sort of Awoken. It feels very strange. I've started Dwelling (and I know it's not normally good to Dwell) on something a lecturer mentioned during the beginning of the year. Actually, let's just take a moment to appreciate that this magazine started just before I began my first year of tertiary schooling and this very first column was me Seriously Freaking Out about how unprepared I was for it all and how much of a Nervous Wreck I was. And now, here I Am, about to tell you how many plans I have and how I feel like I finally know what to do and how to do it and what it truly means to be Living With Purpose. The university is taking a stronger stance on innovation and making it a key focus to incorporate in courses and initiatives and throughout their business which has sparked my Thinking to Think of Innovative Things everywhere I see and to push myself to really give everything a good Thinking-About. And this, in conjunction with A World Of Other Things, has me really motivated and for the first time in a really long time, if not ever, it's truly forced me to realize that I am a human being. I am alive. I am living right here, right now and everything I do, everything I am
doing, has an impact or will have an impact. And I want - no, I need - that impact to be positive. I absolutely need to be pushing forward as much as I can and to start thinking about how I can be breaking down barriers and using my position - as a young person, as a girl, as an Australian, as a descendant of immigrants, as a designer, as a uni student as best as I can. But this starts with me realizing my own potential, me appreciating myself for who - and everything - I Am. This starts with celebrating myself as I never have before to realize that hey, I actually am really worthy to have my voice heard. And hey, just because I am young and inexperienced, that doesn't give anybody the right to dismiss me. In fact, me being so Green, me being so Fresh, gives me an advantage. My Wide Eyes will see things in a new, surprising way. So I've started. I've started to understand the Power Of Design - I've stopped internally dismissing The Arts - and the Power of My Voice. I've started to reach out to notable people in the staff to talk more, I've started to research what actions we're making, I've started to write down ideas and turn them into plans. I've started a Revolution, internally at least. I've started the New Year with New Knowledge and am committed to making a Change. I will not let my voice be silenced - by others or myself - and will be proactive in rising up others too; this is not something that can be done alone. I've started to take Control of my life and mould it for that utopia I know is possible. I've started to Initiate Change. All the love my heart can beat, Chloe â—?
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Fill In The Blanks
Hey there! I go by the name Hexelot and I express myself through digital art. I try to embody love yet also angst in my works because I believe both are important emotions. Love obviously makes the world go round and angst cannot be ignored, so I’ve chosen to release it in my art. May be a bit destructive, but I like to believe it’s therapeutic. My works often include flowers because I just love flowers a lot. I like to act like it’s deep and shit, but really I just enjoy flowers. My favorite colors are pastel pink, mustard yellow and black because they are just so cute and make every little doodle look adorable! Despite me believing I’m well out of my emo phase, black still
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holds a very important place in my heart. I'm not a fan of orange and brown though. If I were a color myself, I would be a pastel color somewhere between red and pink, as it represents calmness and it’s a color you can’t get unless you really try. Realistically speaking (and looking at my wardrobe) it’d probably be the darkest black you can find. There’s a whole list of places I would love to travel but to narrow it down to Africa, Germany or Alaska. My favorite place I’ve ever been was New York. I was there for approximately 48 hours and it was easily the most magical 48 hours of my life. Philadelphia is a close second. A place I don’t go often enough is New York once
again. It’s just magical. If I could live in any other country, it would probably be Poland for its magic, of course! I gotta be surrounded by magic, obviously. I am from Baltimore; I like the artistic-ness of it, but I’m not so fond of the oppression and sadness that still rots away here. There’s a lot of political problems we need to face here like racism, sexism, crime, drugs, etc. As a member of the younger generation, it’s frustrating to be so enthusiastic about change but the older generation in charge to be so scared of it. I wish it had less middle aged men fighting over football, and more cool bands. I’m always looking for them. One thing people might not know about Baltimore is that we have a lot of closeted art
Hexelot
hoes and I’m definitely one of them. Feminist culture inspires me; I find the expression of it so inspiring! Even art of mine that isn’t about feminism is still influenced by feminist music or feminist art. It’s all super angsty and progressive and I like to try to show both those aspects in all parts of my life, even parts not about my gender. I think we should celebrate more progression and less sadness. Our country absolutely feeds off people being miserable. How many times do you turn on the news and see “Good news! 7 billion people continue to keep on living!” NEVER. And how many times do makeup commercials say “Hey! Your freckles are cute! Feel confident!” NOPE!
Just “people will like you more if you look like this!” which is keeping our country sad. The most memorable celebration I’ve had was ha, well, one time I celebrated Ariana Grande liking one of my drawings. It wasn’t even my picture; it was a repost of one of my drawings. I listened to her that whole day. If I could collaborate with anyone, past or present, it would probably be IG @PrimalScreaming WithFriends or David Shrigley because they’re both my favorite artists and I rave about them to everyone. I love PSWF’s ability to make pieces so funny yet so thought provoking. Lot’s of shit that just takes you aback. And Shrigley is just so weird and
so obscure. There would be no way our styles could collide but nevertheless, I want every print of his. I would love to bring back music from the past, but am excited for music in the future. I think music from the old days is so fun and (dare I say.... MAGICAL) especially days when ska ruled the punk world. But I also think as time goes on it’s interesting to see old music techniques mix with the stuff we have going on now. My plans for the future involve working and grinding until I burn out. My brain is constantly thinking up art concepts and it’s bound to just burn out one day, it’s inevitable. But until that day, I’ll keep shooting out angsty pastel drawings! ●
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In The Spotlight:
Nidia Marissa Donyada
The poignant photographer bringing wonder to the world
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In The Spotlight how to achieve those colors and I think for years I kept trying to experiment with colors on my photographs myself before I finally figured out how to and found my own style that really spoke my personality. Why do you think colors are so important in artworks? Personally, because it feels completed. But that’s just me. I’ve tried producing work in black and white but it just never felt finished.
Hello Nidia, how is the weather today? Could be cooler. It’s forever humid here! Your works are so distinctive in their use of colors – it is so mesmerizing. How do you achieve this and how have you developed this style? Thank you for your kind words, really! Usually postprocessing my photos take much longer because I color grade each photo individually on Photoshop. I think I’ve had many people telling me to create presets but I always thought each photo had to have proper, individual care. I’ve seen a lot of photographs that experimented with colors, which made me feel a great sense of joy. I absolutely loved it! I thought to myself that was it, that’s the kind of look I wanted and that’s the kind of feeling I wanted people to feel in my own work. But I could never Google an answer on
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When did you start to realize that you wanted to professionally purse design and photography? I held a camera once when I was very young during a trip with my family. My dad would always help us take pictures and I felt so sad he wasn’t in any so I offered to take for him. He told me the photos I took were very good so I think that stuck with me until I was a teenager. I wanted to pursue my diploma in photography, except the only course that had photography as a major in its final year was called Visual Communication which was also when I started out designing and fell in love with that too, more so to pursue as a career. Where do you find your inspirations and why? Everywhere; as cheesy as that sounds. I find inspiration through the conversations I have with my friends and family; as pretentious as that might sound too. [laughs]
Nidia Marissa In your childhood you spent eight years in Paris, returning to Singapore at twelve. How does the art scene look in both countries? Different. It’s definitely more celebrated in Paris, which is good. They have a sense of pride in their culture and local scene. But in Singapore, it’s definitely blooming. There are more and more designers, photographers, curators, crafters. I love the art scene here though because everyone’s not afraid to put themselves out there. I think creative works are at their most successful when they have meaning and purpose, especially when they are personal to the artist themselves, as it gives such an intimacy to the piece. Even more so, when draw on their personal experiences, such as their background culture, it can be so powerful in communicating statements for that community. How do you feel about this? Oh for sure. Creative works that are very personal to the artist will always be the most successful because they give a little bit of their brain and personality in to it. For my recent final year project when I was taking a degree in design, I did on Freedom of Speech and I resonated so much with that topic not only because of the events happening at that time like Charlie Hebdo in Paris but because of personal experiences being a Muslim living overseas. So, I knew that I had to take up the challenge
to do such a broad and risky topic that could backlash anytime or offend someone. But, I loved it because you wanted that kind of reaction from people in a topic as loud as freedom of speech. Personal experiences will definitely help put your heart more in to the project and care for the piece. How do you express your cultures in your works? Its vibrancy in my work. Singapore culture and even my Malay culture is very vibrant and beautiful and I think colors play a huge part in being able to express the harmony of my people. How do you think having both Asian and European experiences has impacted your work? I believe my approach to things is by being more openminded and to have a broader perspective when I take on projects.
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In The Spotlight Can you explain the attitudes in Singapore towards design and pursuing it professionally? Generally positive, definitely much better than what it was years ago, I believe. There’s always going to be a need for designers so it’s very possible to pursue it professionally. The question is whether they will give you experience or money or if you’re lucky, both. But, I think that’s a problem in arts and design anywhere in the world.
What parts of French culture do you wish you had in Singapore and vice versa? I love both cultures. But I definitely would want Singaporeans to continue taking more pride in their nationality, their country and their culture. I personally love where I come from and wouldn’t trade it for anything. When I was younger we stopped in Singapore due to flight delays and spent a few days there and it was genuinely one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I remember it being immaculately clean and lush, with greenery living harmoniously with architecture which I now can appreciate as being balanced and sustainable. Even the airport was a spectacle! It seemed like they had a strong appreciation of beauty and the importance of design.
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What actions do you think need to be made to further build it in a positive way? The mind set of people has to change. Yeah, we’re designers or artists but we need income too. Flash to the future! In your dreams, what would you love for your life look like in: 5 years (2020)? Hopefully a much better designer! And more exhibition opportunities. 10 years (2027)? Probably married and working. 20 years (2037)? Probably still married and working but with kids. [laughs]! Any words of wisdom you can impart on us? Don’t give up!!! Even when we feel like it 24/7. ●
www.nidiamarissa.com IG: @nidiamarssa
Nidia Marissa
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Serendipity A COLUMN BY BELLA LOPES
There is nothing more important and overwhelming than the craving emotion we feel for others. I want to share my deepest secrets and fears with
you and laugh until we don’t remember what was funny. I want to travel the world with you, trading cultures and relishing new sights, never tired of having you around. Waking up in an unfamiliar place with you next to me sounds like an impeccable way to enjoy the world. I see us being independently courageous and strong, but together, invincible. I desire to tell you about what makes me livid and for you to share what makes you feel happy. I wish to see you grow and I yearn to help you thrive. Time passed, and with hope, our growth signified unity. I wish for our love to flourish under the sun and rise under the moonlight. Our time together signifies bliss and passion and evolution. Sometimes I live in oblivion, awaiting the unexplainable and anticipating the known, yet I linger for your touch and count on your benevolent words. You have taken a part of me in a mysterious way, time after time. 054
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What to Look For in 2017 WRITTEN BY KAMRYN KOBAL PHOTOGRAPHY BY VALERIE MARTINEZ 1. FIND AN OUTFIT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ON TOP OF THE WORLD A sundress or a business shirt, Doc Martins or heels - whatever it may be find something that reflects your personality and that you feel comfortable in. Appearance is not everything, by all means, but you deserve to have something you can grab off the hanger on a Friday morning to remind yourself that you are beautiful and killin' it, girl! 2. FIND YOUR "FOREVER SONG" A song that evokes emotions in you that are hard to put into words. A song that makes you question parts of yourself before you heard it. A song you can blast while your driving in the car, and also listen to in bed late at night. 3. FIND A GIRL GROUP Repost each other's selfies and send each other daily messages and pictures of positive encouragement. Find girlfriends who will help make your dreams come true while still telling you when the wings of your eyeliner are
uneven. Both are important. 4. FIND YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE There are so many tests and quizzes online that help conclude how you value affection. I truly believe that once you can understand how you best show and provide affection, relationships with those around you will improve. Consider taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a free personality test with incredible amounts of research available to help you learn more about yourself and how you function. 5. ACTIVELY SEARCH FOR YOUR PURPOSE AND CALLING A lot of those involved in Kaleo Journal are in the time of their lives where they are beginning to choose their career paths and I hope that, while it can be incredibly nerve wracking, you are given the support and encouragement to pursue that things that make you happiest in life. Go out there and make your dreams come true! â—?
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Fill In The Blanks
Hey there! My name is Sinae Carrotate and I'm studying illustration in Norwich, UK. I express myself through my illustrations. I love how my illustration makes people experience certain emotional moment. I just love to think that my illustration takes up a small space in someone else’s life. I try to embody connections that I make with objects in my daily life. I think illustration is my tool to connect myself to the outer world. I am constantly influenced by the objects that I see, touch and smell. Like the other day I was walking back to home, knackered and thought my shadow created from the flashlight from the passing cars was so beautiful. I was just moving my legs and arms for about five minutes there. As soon as I came back to my room and started to draw shadows on my sketchbook and that was the beginning of my project, ‘Communication’ that I made with clay. I just don’t want those moments to
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fly away so I illustrate them.
mean! Maybe it is just me.
My works often include unexpected element. I love connecting two completely different objects. I think there is constant flow between objects and humans and they are just there feeding each other with certain energies but we often don’t notice those stuff because they are registered as a familiar order in our memory. I think by making connection between them is like creating a new order and I love it! My favorite colors are greens in foods that I like, such as green tea latte, olives, and pistachios. They just make me happy. If I were a color myself, I would be dark navy color as it represents depth. I think blue makes people look more interesting. When you see someone wearing dark blue, you just want to know what they cook for dinner and which book they are reading these days. But on the other hand, you don’t want them to tell you what they eat and read, if you know what I
Three places I would love to travel are New York, San Francisco and Paris. I am hugely inspired by Woody Allen’s films in 80s. I just want to dress up like Annie from Annie Hall and order Americano at the cafe in New York where it was filmed. I know it sounds a bit silly but I think it will be really fun. My favorite place I’ve ever been is Norwich where I live now. I am so lucky to be living in Norwich where people are friendly and just fun to talk to. I made lots of friends just saying hello to strangers. I know people love Norwich because it has nice buildings and creative cafes and places but on the top of that I just think people in Norwich are really cool. A place I don’t go often enough is local museums. A place I go too much is Tesco. If I could live in any other place, it would be London for it’s a hub for the creative people who also make
Sinae Carrotate
stuff and there are plenty of meet ups. I recently went to HiFest in Hastings. It was the loveliest experience that I had in my life. I was with all those illustrators that I referenced and studied on. I was just so happy talking to them about the stories that we don't even talk to our family and friends because they just have no idea on what we are talking about! I am from South Korea; I like the fast pace in culture of it, but I’m not so fond of the homogenous tendencies in fast changing culture. When something gets “viral” everyone gets swept by that and often people forget about those things from the past which have their own charms. I think we just need to find a way that the old stuff can live with new stuff. I wish it had more patience for people who are “different” and less questions. One thing people might not know about it is that Bibimbap was not even a dish before the government set it to be.
British culture inspires me; I find the Englishness of it so subtle but it works to me and that became a huge part of the inspiration for my work. I love the moment when people all seem to be in a same boat. Like you were on the train and the train was delayed forever and everyone was stuck in a small coach. And that moment when it finally gets going, the train man says “Yay” in the announcement. Well, it actually happened to me last year and everyone on the train laughed together. Those moments didn’t come easily in South Korea where I was brought up, in my experience. I think we should celebrate more small talks and less “big” talks. The most memorable celebration I’ve had was when I was told that my work was going to be exhibited at the Wilson Gallery in Cheltenham. It is the most memorable time for me because I had the most delicious pizza on that day with my boyfriend to
celebrate. I still look at the picture of the pizza we had whenever I am having a meltdown. If I could collaborate with anyone, past or present, it would be The School of Life. I have been watching their YouTube videos for a long time. I think when illustration is translated into animation, it becomes more visual. I think their animations complement with the philosophical content in de Botton’s narrative voice so well that the illustration melts you down from deep. I love how their animations can contribute to how people understand themselves and the world around them. My plans for the future involve creating a creative community in Norwich where we have a conversation created while making stuff and often swap our technique to make stuff as well. Of course there should be nice food to be shared! I would be so happy to be in that community. ●
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Globetrotter: Paris A COLUMN BY MARGOT OYUELA
The City of Light has endless opportunities to invest yourself into new things. Paris is one of those incomparable cities that holds wonder on every corner. As an avid foreigner in Paris, I have tried my best to adapt to the Parisian ways and have come up with ways to not be a tacky tourist.
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Globetrotter Five Essentials 1. The Holy Trinity. This shouldn’t come as a surprise but the first thing everyone does in Paris is visits the Eiffel tower, the Arc De Triomphe, and Notre Dame. There is not much to elaborate on besides the fact that these are the most visited attractions in the city and you might want to choose one to reach the top because you will be paying 3 times for basically the same view. 2. Stroll down Champs-Elysees, one of the most luxurious shopping areas. I would say “shop” but I’m not a millionaire so I can’t encourage you to spend your life savings at Gucci. Regardless, the entire street is gorgeous and you could always stop to have a famous macaroon at Laduree. 3. Visit museums. Besides seeing the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, Paris has tons of museums and galleries to appreciate classic European art. Don’t hesitate to check out the less crowded museums like Musee d’Orsay and Musee Rodin. 4. Take a tour to Versailles. Though it requires leaving the city limits of Paris, I cannot stress how much it is worth. The entire palace, inside and out, is breathtaking. 5. Montmartre. As the home of Sacre-Coure, tourists have made Montmartre a thriving spot. It is a neighborhood filled with culture, being a place where artists like Picasso, Monet, and Van Gogh, had studios. Not to mention, the view of Paris from the hilltops cannot be beat.
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Paris
Food As we all know, I am an extreme food fanatic and I can assure you Paris will never disappoint when it comes to its cuisine. Though some people find it scary to try new things, you cannot go wrong with eating in Paris. One of the best options for eating fast and cheap is crepes. Not only do they have options for every mood, whether you’re feeling sweet or savory, but they also have crepe stands on every other street. Also, obviously Paris is a luxurious city so you have the option to eat a €100 meal, if you’re feeling bougie.
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Globetrotter Tips and Tricks 1. Be aware of your surroundings. Besides being annoying to the locals while standing around in confusion, you can also get yourself into trouble. Paris may be a huge travel destination but it doesn’t mean it is any less dangerous. Don’t be that person that gets their purse snatched in the metro because they are too busy looking at a map. 2. Only be a typical tourist for a day. I promise, seeing the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, and Notre Dame, does not take that long. You obviously cannot skip those
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landmarks but remember the others too! 3. Use the metro. I’ve said this before, but the key to saving money while travelling is skipping expensive taxis and Ubers and just using the local transportation system like a normal person. 4. Buy souvenirs in less crowded areas. Never buy from the people at the Eiffel Tower or the shops on Rue de Rivoli. I can assure you, you’ll find the exact same things for half the price in a place that is less touristic.
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Meet
Eloise Myatt INTERVIEWED BY CHLOE KATOPODIS Hey there introduce yourself to us! I’m Eloise Myatt, a budding illustrator and student of the University of Sydney where I study art history. How has creativity emerged in your life? Was it something you’ve been inclined to since you were young or take more time to develop? I was introduced to drawing and creating when I was a kid but it was probably only in high school that I got into making more fully formed artworks. Since then I’ve been trying to push myself to be more creative outside of my university studies. I think that creativity is something that needs to be nurtured by lots of practice. In my experience, I’ve had to put
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in a lot of work for it to feel instinctive and natural. What is it about illustration that you feel passionately about? I love that illustrations often have a dual purpose; to communicate beauty but also to convey a narrative element or an emotion. At least that’s what I attempt to achieve with my artworks. Also, from a personal perspective, I love how meditative painting can be for me. I think because of this creating illustrations has really been beneficial for my mental health. Why do you use the materials you do? I work mainly with watercolor paints,
Meet but I often add pen in the final stages of an artwork. I’ve also recently started experimenting with gouache.
painting allows my mind to take a step back from my immediate reality and process things. It’s very meditative.
What role does color play in your works? I love color! It adds so much energy and playfulness to my illustrations, I can’t imagine working with a neutral palette.
What do you think is unique about the Australian culture and landscape that benefits artists? The Australian landscape, the native plants and wildlife, have this otherworldly quality that is just so fascinating to document. Lately I’ve been so drawn to painting native flowers, just because they are so varied and unusual. With regards to the culture, for me personally in Sydney, having creative friends who are always actively writing, photographing and creating drives me. It motivates me to work harder and better.
How have you found your style? Or do you feel that you’re still evolving it? My style is unquestionably still evolving, and I hope it continues to do so as I grow both technically but also as I gain more confidence in the conceptual ideas that drive my illustrations. Who has been inspirational to you? I pull inspiration from a lot of different creative people. As an art history student I’m constantly getting ideas from my studies and the two biggest influences lately have been the bizarre portraits of Renaissance artist Cosimo Tura and the obsessively detailed works of Anthony Van Dyck. Returning to the present day, I get a lot of inspiration from the music I listen to while I work. Recently I’ve been blasting Joanna Newsom and Angel Olson, in the hope that some of their awesome female power translates into my paintings. What difficulties have you faced and how do you pull yourself out of them? I’ve struggled a lot with anxiety in the past and producing art and pushing myself to develop technically has been a major coping mechanism for me. I find that
Throughout school, arts are always regarded as a lesser subject despite so much effort going into textiles, the vast amount of preparation needed for dance performances, the intensity of learning a character for drama and the general emotional investment that goes into creating. What do you feel about this, including the scaling down process for these subjects in final years of secondary school? Creative subjects are central to a wellrounded education and to scale down the arts is to disadvantage young people. The creative arts enable people to communicate ideas in different mediums, and knowing that there are methods to conceptualise problems in creative ways, outside of conventional Math or English subjects, is really important for teenagers. I think there should be an equal amount of emphasis on the variety of different
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Eloise Myatt ways that people learn and understand ideas. Including a focus on arts subjects that respects them for their unique application. Creative pathways are so unique in how much freedom they have. It is essential for doctors and lawyers to go to university and math problems always have final answers – but there is no correct solution for art and it’s a lot more about the journey than the final product. A lot of people feel conflicted about investing in tertiary education because the same outcome (jobs and work) can be achieved through internships and practical work experience. Where do you sit on this debate about creative people pursuing formal education versus experience? When I left high school I chose not to pursue a creative arts degree because I felt there was still so much I needed to learn that I wasn’t ready to specialize. I wanted to study history, religion and politics, and eventually found a love for art history. For me at this stage, I believe this was the right choice, but I wouldn’t rule out studying creative arts later in my life. While a lot of technical skill can be self-taught, I think that what formal education can offer is an exposure to a much larger range of materials, methods and ideas outside your comfort zone. The attitude towards pursuing creativity professionally in Australia isn’t always met with positivity, and sometimes the opportunities available don’t seem so clear. In your experience, do you feel the culture in Sydney, or Australia in general, helps nurture
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creative pathways? Since Sydney is a very cosmopolitan city, I’ve always felt like it’s an environment that nurtures creative professions, definitely more so than other regions of Australia. However, it is not immune to being stifled by a lack of arts funding and at the moment it appears to be heading in that direction. Having this fresher perspective, what are some things that you’ve noticed about the creative scene (negative or positive) that have impacted you? My main worry with the creative scene in Sydney is its tendency to be insular. Ultimately breeding environments hostile to alternate perspectives. This kind of mentality, I believe, has the potential to alienate the general public from the art world, perpetuating the stigma against people who pursue creative degrees. What other areas of art (like animation or ceramics) would you love to delve into? I love ceramics but it is so process heavy that it is really not practical for me to pursue at the moment. It’s definitely something I’d like to work with if I end up studying fine arts at university in the future. What are your future aspirations and why? Honestly, I try not to over think where my art and my degree could take me but I hope I keep learning and developing my practice. What are some final words of wisdom you think of to keep yourself motivated? Keep working, stay curious. ●
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Four Letter Words A COLUMN BY KAMRYN KOBAL
Typically, the phrase “Four Letter Words” refers to short slang words that have negative connotation. Whether the word is vulgar or dull, four letter words never really have a good reputation. Originally, this article was much more melancholy in nature, focusing on the color blue. After watching Eve Ensler's TED Talk titled 'Embrace Your Inner Girl', the entire passage was rewritten about pink. The speech is incredible, with stories about men and women around the world that are so powerful; their experiences are both harrowing and inspiring. But one of the most powerful moments is when Ensler concludes the talk by declaring: “I am an emotional, uncondotional, devotional creature. And I love, hear me, I love, love, love being a girl. Can you say it with me? I love, I love, love, love being a girl!” 068
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Pink. The color that fills the sky right before the sun sinks past the horizon. The color that shouts out in celebration of the arrival of a brand new baby girl. The color of sweet cotton candy that every child craves at the local fair. According to color psychology, pink represents tenderness, innocence, love, and femininity. While the color pink has a stigma that follows immaturity and playfulness, I think that pink is actually the most empowering shade of them all.
Typically, young girls are seen as weak, even in modern culture. Little girls are paired with sugar and spice and everything nice, right? As we grow up, we are expected to make the transition from a girl to a woman. Boys are taught to be men, which appears to be the opposite of everything that a girl is. Young boys are taught to be tough and strong, while young girls are left to be seen as emotional and dependent. But why would we ever encourage someone to grow out of a phase where they are wishful? Why would we want a human being, either boy or girl, to stifle their emotions? Both genders are brought up with the idea that having the characteristics of a young girl causes you to be unsuccessful. There is a common idea that little girls have unrealistic dreams and aspirations, but as they grow older, those goals fade because society knocks with a reality check in hand. But if everyone could show more emotion and hope, much like a little girl, I believe that the world would absolutely experience more love as a whole. And after all, doesn’t love make the world go around? Recently, I went through a time where I felt dumb for being so emotional. I felt that my emotional desires made me too needy, which created room in my heart for insecurity. However, I soon realized that those desires of needing to be verbally appreciated stem from the same heart that allows me to have compassion and love for those around me. Instead of hiding that pinkness that I felt was causing negativity in my relationships, I celebrated the fact that I am someone who can express myself and encourages others to do the same. Never again will I allow myself to feel degraded for valuing communication and affection. I celebrate the little girl within me with her brown curled hair wrapped up in a soft pink ribbon because that same little girl has a heart that is innocent and unaware of the heartbreak that can come with being emotionally vulnerable. I understand why society shies away from the idea of showing the traits of a little girl. Innocence can come with naivety. Love can come with heartbreak. Femininity can come with oppression. But it is important to value those feelings and emotions. I believe there is power in opening up about feelings and struggles and accomplishments. Whether boy or girl, male or female, old or young, there is a powerful little girl in every single person that is full of love, compassion, and sweetness. In 2017, I encourage you to embrace the color pink and all that it stands for. Focus on self-improvement and mental health. Remember that you should celebrate your need for physical and mental affection. Everyone deserves to be told thank you and to be reminded of their worth. I do not care if you are a 16-year-old girl or an older man who is starting to bald, you deserve to be pink. Throughout these upcoming months, start this year out with the idea that the little girl inside of you is the one who is making the rules. You are allowed to cry, giggle, and hide whenever you want to. Do not shy away from vulnerability but rather, embrace it and let your pink shine because there is power in pink. �
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The Trip A COLUMN BY ALEX COLBERG
Early this December, as my journey across the 50 states of America quickly came to a wrapping end, I boarded the first of six planes which would carry me to the final two states on my list, Alaska and Hawaii. Truthfully, my energy levels were at an all-time low, considering only a two week period of time lay between my last journey across continental America. I had traveled to 48 states and felt it a perfectly sufficient amount, subconsciously writing excuses for myself to be apathetic. However, as soon as the wheels of the plane touched ground in Anchorage, my youthful joy for traveling burst within me again, and I immediately dripped with anxiousness to grab my camera and photograph the beauty surrounding me. This same enthusiasm replayed once again when I arrived in Hawaii. The final stretch of my travels was unforgettable, in fact it was completely surreal. With full confidence, I can say that never in my life have I experienced anything as breathtakingly exquisite, yet polar opposite as Alaska and Hawaii. â—? FOLLOW OUR JOURNEY: IG - @thetripusa YOUTUBE - thetripusa EMAIL - thetripusa@gmail.com
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Hey there! My name is Seema Shakti. I express myself through painting. I try to embody the strength of the feminine spirit in my work because I believe that it is important for us to connect with our wild and natural bond to the earth. My work often includes the third eye because it represents universal wisdom. My favorite colors are purple and aqua because they make me feel inspired and calm, but I'm not a big fan of black. If I were a color myself, I would be orange as it represents joy, enthusiasm, adventure and it captures the energy of the sun.
place I’ve ever been was the Canary Islands. A place I don’t go often enough is the countryside. A place I go too much is the city. If I could live in any other country, it would be Costa Rica for its tropical weather and beautiful landscapes. I am from New York City; I like many aspects of it, but I’m not so fond of the congestion and lack of natural spaces. I wish it had more trees and less concrete. One thing people might not know about it is there is more to New York City than Manhattan and Brooklyn. It is made up of five boroughs and each of them is worth exploring.
Three places I would love to travel are Bolivia, Argentina, and Australia. My favorite
Indigenous culture inspires me; I find the root of it so nurturing and connected
to mother earth. I think we should celebrate more love and less hatred. The most memorable celebration I’ve had was my last birthday spent exploring some adorable coves in the most beautiful beach towns. If I could collaborate with anyone, past or present, it would be Terrence McKenna because he advocated for plants and their power to heal and pushed for the legalization of all plants. I would love to bring back old television shows from the past, but am excited for new forms of entertainment in the future. My plans for the future involve painting every day and living more and more in sustained present moment awareness. ●
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Always “What’re you doing for the rest of your life?” A SHORT STORY WRITTEN BY DYLAN BROKMEYER PHOTOGRAPHY BY DOMINO GUAJARDO
There needs to be a word in the dictionary for having so much to say that you say nothing at all. Maybe that will be my contribution to the world; leaving it with a term for the verbal traffic jam I’m experiencing right now as I sit next to her. Maybe she’s experiencing the same nameless phenomena as she sits here, speechless, staring at the ants as they travel in uniform along the cracks of the sidewalk. Bringing her here of all places was probably my first mistake, well not first, but first of today. As if eating at the crab shack where we had our
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first date would make this experience any less excruciating. It was too public. We barely had made it through ordering our drinks before our conversation-less silence was interrupted by her leaving the restaurant, crying. While in the booth next to us, some woman had just shared the news to her group of friends that she was engaged. That seemed a little selfish but I couldn’t expect them to understand what we were going through. And in the awkward silence, we heard every detail of the proposal: how he had rented out the restaurant they had their first date at (ironic), had the waiter slip the ring into her glass
Always of dessert wine-as if she wouldn’t know what was going to happen - and how he got down on one knee and said “What’re you doing for the rest of your life?” That detail particularly struck a heartstring because that’s the phrasing I wanted to use if I ever got the chance to propose. I was honestly a little relieved when she stormed out because I didn’t have to listen to the sickening fairy tale occurring behind me. I followed her out the restaurant to the bench we sat on during that date, after they kicked us out for being there so long. So now here we sit, dripping in sweat and tears, baking in the hot early July heat. It’s a good thing I wore a ball cap or I would probably be sunburnt by now. She probably knows I am studying her as I awkwardly sit here, eyes stagnant in her direction. I am, like it’s my first time seeing her. She’s wearing her favorite orange shirt. The one I bought for her our first Christmas together, two and a half years ago. Things were so much simpler then, when all we had to worry about was what our New Year’s plans were and which one of our apartments we would stay at that night. I guess it’s a good thing we never moved in together. That wouldn’t be an easy experience on either of us right now. But now, as she sits here, brown eyes locked on the ants, her blonde hair now up in a pony-tail because she must have gotten overheated, I can’t help but want to ask her to move in with me, marry me, have my kids even - as if any of that were feasible now. Tears aren’t flowing from her eyes anymore like they were in the restaurant. Maybe she was finally moving on the last stage of grievance: acceptance.
get some ice cream than call an ambulance and face the gaping wound. As if when we walked out of the hospital we could keep a “what happens at Dr. Nguyen’s stays at Dr. Nguyen’s” mentality, or Fight Club’s “first rule of Dr. N’s is don’t talk about Dr. N’s.” We were free. We ate at my favorite restaurant on the way home, a sushi restaurant that was just far enough from my place that I didn’t go there often enough but was on our route home today. We kept life the same. I told my coworkers but still went in to work and so did she. I didn’t pack, clean, or write anything down to tell anyone what I wanted done before I left. She was over at my place just as often, if not more, not to help with anything but just to keep our little traditions alive like Favorite Movies Thursdays and Home-Cooked Meal Tuesdays. We carried on this way until the day I passed out while trying to grab a plate off the top shelf of my kitchen cabinet. We couldn’t deny the elephant in the room any longer.
But what Elisabeth Kubler Ross failed to explain was acceptance wasn’t some peaceful moment of clarity. It was final, dark, and hopeless. Does a crab from the shack have a moment of peace as he accepts that he is going to die in the water he’s boiled in? No, as his own body betrays him he’s forced to accept that there is nothing he can do, no relief, comfort, or satisfaction.
“Like what were we expecting? We could just pretend this wasn’t happening until it became true?”
When we were first delivered the news, life carried on almost completely unchanged. It was like we had each been shot in the leg but would rather go
“How are you so calm?” She pushed. I honestly didn’t know. But what neither of us knew then was my anger stage was coming, but it would
After the next trip to the hospital we didn’t stop for sushi, and we definitely didn’t carry on like usual. That was the first uncomfortable silence I think I’d ever had with her, until she finally broke the ice with such grace. “How can you do this to me?” She interrogated, as if I had any choice in the matter. “How could you let me run around these last few months believing this was all going to pass?” I didn’t know what to say, this time because I had nothing to say, so I just let her lash out for a while.
“You know I’ve always been a fake-it-till-youmake-it kind of guy.” I replied. The look she gave me made me realize these questions were rhetorical.
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Dylan Brokmeyer come in the middle of the night, like a sadistic version of Santa that only gave you what you didn’t want. It would keep me from sleep and I’d spend entire nights up on the balcony, cursing my body and cursing my God, not for what was being done to me, but what was being done to her. See, that’s how I spent the week she refused to come over, alone with my thoughts and frustrations. I didn’t hear from her until I heard a knock on my door that Saturday morning. As soon as I cracked open the door, she came barging through. The bags under her warm, make-up-less eyes and her messy, unbrushed ponytail told me she hadn’t been sleeping either. In one arm she carried her biggest coffee cup, the one we got in Austin that said “Texas-sized espresso shot.” It probably would have held enough coffee to wire an entire office for a week. In her other arm was her laptop, already open with no case or carrying bag. “I’ve been doing some research.” She greeted me with, as if we hadn’t just went through six days of the cold shoulder. “There is a guy in South Texas that has been having positive results with cases like yours.” She went on to explain some of these treatments to me but I never once looked at her screen. I was studying her then too, taking in the passion she had about what she was saying and trying to put myself in her shoes. But I couldn’t even bare to think about what it would be like to lose her. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through. I closed the laptop and said my piece: “Look, I don’t want to spend the rest of our time on planes and in sketchy clinics doing Godknows-what to my body. I want to spend my time here, with you. Not in Texas, Mexico, California, or Arizona but here.” That’s when the tears started. Much like the scene from Forrest Gump when the rain continued for weeks on end, her supply of tears seemed to have no scarcity. It wasn’t continuous, but just about every couple days I would do something, unintentionally, to open the floodgates. Once I
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had a little extra energy so I walked down to the corner florist and bought her flowers and she cried for an hour. Once I cracked a corny joke about eggs while we were eating omelets and she left the room, head in her hands. I began trying to do what I could with my fleeting energy to help her because I don’t know what I would do in her shoes. She did the same, making me breakfast in bed, helping me move about the house on days I couldn’t, and just spending valuable time with me. I would try to be strong for her, though I knew she read through my façade. She always read me like a book. Finally, one week ago to the day, I had my final visit with Dr. N. He told us what we already knew; that it wasn’t possible to give me the help I needed at home anymore. I knew that and I didn’t want to put any more weight on her shoulders so I faced the inevitable. I chose a move in date for Holiday Villa eight days after the appointment. I hired people to pack up my apartment that night so that she wouldn’t have to go through that and pretty much spent the rest of the week at her place, except for last Tuesday. I snuck out of her apartment (thank God she’s a sound sleeper) and met my friend that studied film in Austin to do a little project for her. I figured that might be the best thing to break the silence right now. “I got you something.” I say as I lean over the bench to reach into my bag. “You’re kidding right?” She says as she wipes under her eyes. “You’re dying and you get ME a gift?” There wasn’t any shakiness in her voice this time, even though that was the first time I’d heard her address our situation so bluntly. I have to hold back a smile because I am so proud of that step. “Yeah, I mean it’s nothing big...” “No I’m going first. I got you something.” She interjects as she whips around to open up her purse. She pulls out a sleek black box. My mouth is still open; dumbfounded at the idea that she got me anything. What am I going to do with a gift
Always now? I can’t take anything with me. It takes her two attempts at waving the box in front of me for me to re-enter the conversation. “Oh… um thanks.” I say as I take the box from her, trying not to let my previous thoughts expose themselves in my words. I open it quickly, trying not to give off any note of hesitation that might make her think I’m ungrateful. Inside I see a thick silver chain, doubled over, running the length of the slender box. Where the two ends of the chain meet, in the end of the box closest me, I see a shiny silver pendant. The polished metal letters of the pendant spell out her name. I must seem a bit confused because she begins to explain: “I know it’s a little bit girly, but I figured it would go under a suit anyway. I just… I wanted you to wear it… you know to your f…” “I love it.” I cut her off because I can tell the words are hard for her to get out. “Now I can have you with me always.” I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to me on the bench. She puts her head into my chest. Normally I would kiss her on the forehead at this time, but today I fight off the urge. A kiss would mean goodbye. “Now it’s my turn.” I say after another short pause, partially because I’m eager to give her my gift and partially because I don’t want the silence to return. I reach over into my bag, this time uninterrupted, and take out my laptop. “Thanks,” she says “but I already have a laptop.” I look at her out of the corner of my eye because I knew the exact face she’d be making to accompany that joke, a smirk on the right side of her face, just enough so that her dimple showed and she could still hide her inner laughter because of how amusing she finds herself. I’ve missed that sense of humor. I smirk back at her. After that slightly heartbreaking moment I open my laptop to a video I already have queued up. On the screen sits a stool in front of a pinned up bed sheet, well-lit from all the lamps and lights
gathered just outside of the camera’s range of view. I press play. In I walk from behind the camera and take a seat on the stool. I fidget in my seat for a second and then begin speaking. “Hey love.” Love is what I called her whenever she was mad at me, which I thought might be appropriate in case she slips back into anger in my absence. “I guess if you’re seeing this you got my gift, or are currently getting my gift. See, with a little help from JP, I just finished filming 100 short clips, like this one, that he’s promised to burn onto separate CD’s for you. Each one is set up to be watched at different moments in your life to come. We’ve filmed for birthdays, Christmas, our anniversary, rainy days when we’d normally make hot cocoa and watch The Notebook, because it’s your favorite, days when you’re sad, days when you’re mad, days when you wish you could share something with me, and even just days when you’re bored. I’ll be there. I couldn’t leave you alone like this. Just promise me you won’t binge watch them all at once like you did with Friends.” There is a pause in my ramble that I thought JP would cut out. In the video I sit staring off at the ground behind the camera, tears welling up in my eyes. “I already miss you, love.” I begin to choke out, “You have to promise to be strong for me now. Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever settle. And don’t ever give in. It’s never goodbye, only see you later.” I kiss my hand and wave it at the camera, like her and I do at train stations and airports whenever we won’t see each other for some time. I look over to her and see a hand over her mouth and tears, once again, in her eyes. She meets my gaze and throws her arms around me in a whirl. I let my laptop crash to the ground, probably crushing the ants, and I hug her back and begin crying as well. “Now I can have you with me always.” She says into my shoulder between sniffs, echoing my words from before. “Always.” I promise. ●
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Cultural Bliss
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Living in a primarily white, suburban neighborhood can be a difficult environment for families of color to easily assimilate while still keeping their cultures alive. Sarina and Sieanna Patel are two high school girls that live in Cypress, Texas. Although the Patel sisters share that their family has adapted to more modern culture, their Hindu religion and Indian background still plays a huge part in their family’s everyday life. The Patel family is complete with two parents that met through an arranged marriage. Mr. Patel is from Zimbabwe, while Mrs. Patel is from India. The couple were placed together through their family members. They dated for three months before getting married. The parents then went on to have three children: Sonya, Sarina, and Sieanna. Now, the family of five lives right outside of Houston. Speaking with Sarina and Sieanna, the girls shared various traditions that they cherish.
series “Garba is for sure [one of my favorite Indian traditions],” Sarina said. “It is literally just Indian dancing until 1 o’clock in the morning.” Indian culture often involves celebrations with strong family ties, bright colors, and various expressions of art such as music and dancing. Sieanna shared that Indian weddings are one of her favorite events because they usually last several days, filled with dancing and fun. The Patels are an example of a family that have continued to practice their culture, while still living life in a uniform environment. The girls have traveled back to Zimbabwe to see the neighborhood their father was raised in and while making the journey overseas, they even met other travelers from Texas. After sharing thoughts about the symbolism and beauty within Indian culture, both girls agreed that they plan to continue celebrating their family traditions, religious practices, and the balance between lifestyles as they go off on their own.
WRITING: KAMRYN KOBAL PHOTOGRAPHY: MCLANE STRINGER MODELS: SIEANNA AND SARINA PATEL
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Vent is a project we manage through Tumblr. The blog is a place where people can anonymously send in any thoughts playing through their mind or stressing them out. It is based on the idea that just telling your thoughts or feelings to someone, anyone, can make you feel better because it’s not pent up inside. Our goal is to create a safe space and promote mental wellbeing through communication and expression. The submissions can be anything, serious or minor, ranging from: ‘I accidentally closed the door on my cat’s tail’ to ‘I recently came to terms with my asexuality and don’t know how to feel about it’. We look to make it a column in the magazine, so people can connect to their plights and we can raise awareness of the importance of mental health. We are also looking to compile a list for mental health resources around the world, so if you know of an organization or want to partner with us, please send us a message to help expand this list. kaleovent.tumblr.com
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As featured in Issue Three, +you is a body positivity initiative we started to help promote physical wellbeing through showcasing beauty in all forms. We are looking to expand on what we started in this issue, including more features with people of all diversities to reflect the beauty that can be found everywhere. From nature comparisons to skin care - we're building a body of work. For more information to submit, partner and support this venture, head to our +you site page. kaleojournal.com/+you
Submissions Do you know someone who would really suit our style? Let them know of Kaleo OR send us their profile of work (Tumblr, website, Soundcloud, Instagram, etc) and their email address so we can contact them ourselves if we think we’d make a merry match. Or how about you! Do you have something that you would love to express in Kaleo? Well then let us know! We would absolutely love to include you in our publication! Head to our website for all the guideline details and then email away! kaleojournal.com/submissions submit@kaleojournal.com
Let's Connect In the vast abyss of our planet Earth, we can sometimes slip apart. Let’s never let this happen. Let’s Connect. PHOTOGRAPHY: VALERIE MARTINEZ To send us a hello, share your enjoyment or for serious enquires send us an email at info@kaleojournal.com
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Check out our inspirations, take a glimpse at the things we love and see our Tumblr feature at kaleojournal.tumblr.com In Issue Three we featured poetry by Ashley McNally who has her own site dedicated to giving a platform to writers at www.ampoems.weebly.com
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