C u lt u r e A w a r d s
bang the gong!
festival sees poets from all the participating Olympic nations come together for a week of readings, talks and performances. Poetry Parnassus marks the first time so many poets from so many parts of the planet have converged in one place; it is a monumental poetic happening worthy of the spirit and history of the Olympics, so they say. The Electric Six Award For Taking You Further Than Just A Gay Bar WorldPride, London, 23 June–8 July An event that promotes awareness of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues, WorldPride consists of an array of theatre shows, debates, poetry and music that culminates in the main parade, which will pass through the capital’s streets on 7 July.
Oscars schmoscars! Who wants to know about awards for things that have been and gone? Instead, we’ve cast our discerning eye across 2012’s cultural and social landscape and awarded them with Live gongs
Words Finn Grist 20
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Words Christian Adofo 22
The Bard With The ‘Ardest Bars Award World Shakespeare Festival, The Globe 23, Apr–9 Sept Across the UK, thousands of performers, both amateur and professional, will be involved in the festival which promises a unique take on the man like William’s extensive bibliography. In an event of unprecedented ambition, all of Shakespeare’s plays will be performed
The African Grey Parrot Award For Most Repeated Event Olympics and Paralympics, 27 July–12 Aug and 29 Aug–9 Sept With around a million mentions of the gargantuan cost to taxpayers, the number of trees that have been uprooted (sorry) and how public transport will remain gridlocked longer than a game of Guess Who between Stevie Wonder and a two-yearold, London 2012 has finally arrived. Embrace the Games, it’s your only chance. The Frank Ocean Tribute Award To Sporting Swag Mine to Medals Exhibition, British Museum until 9 Sept This display will tell the story of the production of the medals for the London 2012 Games and will give the public an opportunity to see the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic medals. Unlike the Games, it’s free. The William Blake Ode to LDN Award Poetry Parnassus, Southbank Centre, 26 June–2 July Curated by poet Simon Armitage, this visionary
Illustration Corbon Wilkin 21
The Madonna Award For Persistently Par-worthy Reincarnation Battleship from 18 May Cher has done it, J-Lo made a smooth transition and Madonna is still flopping hard in hope of recognition. Now everyone’s favourite Barbadian songstress, Rihanna, is making her ‘acting’ debut in this Universal blockbuster! Which will see a naval fleet engage in intergalactic beef with, yep, you guessed it, aliens. The poor beings never get a moment to chomp on a KitKat.
in London’s Globe, each in a different language, each by a different international company. Every day for six weeks, national theatres, renowned artists and new young companies will celebrate, performing Shakespeare in their own lingo within his original theatre.
Words Edwina Mukasa 22
The Tumbleweed Award For Matters Of The Monarchy Queen’s Diamond Jubilee,1-5 June It’s the 60th anniversary of the accession of Queen Elizabeth II (Jigga and Kanye could take a leaf out of her book and try sitting on a throne). To us mere mortals, it means an extended bank holiday. Yet, she hasn’t forgotten us all, so she’s planning a large concert produced by Gary Barlow, a parade of 1,000 boats and events along the Thames. Give me some origami floating in a puddle any day.
The Oscar the Grouch Award For Services To Pessimism 21 Dec 2012 = End of the World Many, many, many (we’ve established a longitudinal theme here, in case you’re not the sharpest tool in the box) years ago before the time of Bruce Forsyth and The Queen. The ancient Mayans predicted that an apocalypse would occur on that date, with their 5,125-year-old calendar resetting itself to 0.0.0.0. The Any Excuse To Get Drunk (Responsibly) In The Street Award St Patrick’s Day, 17 March Whether you’re from Iran, Nicaragua or Chad, you have a special 24-hour pass to assume the nationality of the Emerald Isle in celebrating the day of its patron saint, St Patrick. Drink and be merry. The Stephen Fry Award For More Culture Than A Pot Of Yoghurt Urban Classic, Barbican, 3 March Urban Classic on Saturday 3 March, the Barbican’s 30th birthday, is a meeting of musical cultures. Bringing together the BBC Symphony Orchestra with leading artists from the UK’s urban music scene. Including multiple BRIT and MOBO awardwinner Ms Dynamite, N-Dubz producer Fazer and rappers Devlin and Skepta.