Step two is the scary part: asking about suicide.

There isn't a right or wrong (or perfect) way to share your concern for somebody and to let them know you see their pain and you want to be there for them.

Remember that the person you’re concerned about almost certainly grew up with the same stigma around suicide that you did. They may not realize they can talk openly about how they’re feeling.

Here are a couple of suggested questions taken directly from the Suspenders4Hope training:

“I’m sorry to hear how hard things have been lately. Have you had any thoughts about ending your life?”

“Thanks so much for being open with me, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Has it gotten to the point where you’ve had thoughts about suicide?”

Avoid using indirect language such as, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself ?”

All evidence points to the conclusion that using neutral, specific language is helpful, not harmful.

And you can just come right out and ask — no need to work up to the topic.

If you don’t receive a clear, decisive “no” to your question, you might continue to check in. It’s possible this person doesn’t yet feel comfortable opening up. It might take some time to build trust.

*A note about nonjudgmental communication

“Don't tell me you're thinking about killing yourself, are you? Look at all the wonderful things you have in your life.” are not listening, and in fact, you might be judging them. These are the kind of statements that can shut communication down.

Remember that the goal is to show love and compassion to people in crisis in order to accompany them in their pain.

How the heck do I do this?

Most things we aren’t good at feel uncomfortable at first.

If you haven’t had a ton of training, asking someone about suicide may seem impossible

It is hard. But one technique helps a lot.

Try role playing with a friend. Practice “share, ask, support” together, taking turns

Even reading the suggested “share” and “ask” lines out loud to yourself will help.

You might feel silly — but you will be more prepared to have these conversations in the future.

What if they say, yes , they are thinking about suicide?

Continue to ask about their suicidal thoughts, intent, and plans so you know how to best execute the third step: SUPPORT.

REMEMBER: Suicidal thoughts are common, and they typically do not lead to a suicide attempt. Wanting to die does not necessarily mean a person’s life is in immediate danger.

However, it’s important to ask about and listen for signs of an emergency:

You hear that they plan to act on their thoughts soon

They have already taken steps toward a plan — for example, by obtaining a firearm

They are not communicating that they can or will be able to stay safe.

Any of these factors indicate the person is in crisis and may need timely intervention.

If they have acted on their suicidal thoughts already, call 911 immediately.

Reassure them that you are getting help and they are not in trouble.

If there are firearms, sharp objects, drugs or alcohol in the environment, see if there is a way to safely remove them.

If the person is alone, stay in contact with them.

Accompany them to an emergency room or crisis service if they are willing to go.