Survivors // Bryan Raymundo

Bryan Raymundo was born in Wichita to Mexican parents. As an undergraduate, he changed his major from physical therapy to studio art after taking a printmaking class. Some of his work explores his personal history with mental health, which includes suriving suicide attempts. Bryan will graduate from Kansas State this spring with a Master of Fine Arts in printmaking. You can view his work on his Instagram page, @raymundo_printmaker

I just submerged myself in printmaking. I hid away from a lot of things, and with printmaking there’s so much to learn. My whole personality was printmaking. Every single day, I’d put on my apron and get to work.

After a while, I started partying more. I was still in the print shop every day, but I’d go out Thursday through Sunday night. I started drowning a little bit. My friends showed love to me, and they showed they cared about me, but I didn’t feel it. I noticed that I wasn’t feeling a lot of things. I started questioning what happiness is and why I didn’t feel it, or why I couldn’t appreciate the love I had, why did I feel I didn’t deserve it, why did I feel like I should push people away The questions just got louder and louder

When I was growing up, I learned real quick that expressing emotions or dealing with emotions is a luxury in a household of immigrants. My parents didn’t have the time to slow down and think about why they felt a certain way, they didn’t have time to process death and grief. They always had to work.

I was the first person I know of in my family who has been to therapy or tried medication. At first, I didn’t understand why my parents didn’t see mental health problems as an illness. My friends were like, it’s totally fine to acknowledge that. It was one of the first times I felt this weird battle in my own head about my feelings, and it just got heavier and heavier.

One thing I tell people. I’ve been to a lot of therapy, and one thing I’ve noticed They either tell themselves it could always be worse, or it’s not that bad.

But whatever you go through, trauma is trauma, and it feels heavy as f---.

It’s important to find that help and to find your people who can be there for you. Just having one friend, a true friend, goes a long way.