Survivors // Kelly Rio

Kelly Rio’s husband Joe died by suicide in 2018. With the exception of her job, Kelly says “everything else crumbled to the ground” in the wake of his death. She credits therapy, her relationship with Joe’s daughter, and a supportive community for helping her survive the worst thing that’s ever happened to her

Even as I look back on it now, I feel like I was meant to be with him for the rest of his life.

I was dating the singer in his band when we met each other again. We’d bumped into each other over the years, but timing was never on our side.

He just decided he liked me. Didn't come near me — I was with the singer. But as soon as we broke up, Joe and I went out. It was pretty much understood that we were together from that point on.

He was so unapologetic about who he was, really charismatic and honest. It was refreshing. And he was hilarious, and I like to laugh. It's hard to make me laugh, but I do love it. He was a breath of fresh air to me every time I saw him.

He was on big-boy drugs for about the last year and a half of his life. Some of those drugs we now know can cause suicidal thoughts if taken in excess or on a daily basis. There are so many contributing factors. But ultimately, I have to remember that even though it feels like total and utter betrayal, it really wasn't personal.

A couple of people have told me about interviews with people who tried to commit suicide but lived. Their family and their loved ones were the last thing they were thinking about. Getting rid of the pain was number one.

Afterwards, I lost a lot of weight. People would take me out to eat and take me out on walks. My friend Kali was huge. She and I met through Joe, and I really liked her, she had cool energy. We would talk every now and then, but when he died, she started to ask if I wanted to go out. I would say, yeah, let’s go to a park. After a while, I noticed I would reach out to her because I trusted her, and I have a very small group of people I trust.

My stepdaughter has also helped a lot. Every week, she comes over and we hang out. It’s been helpful to put my energy into that relationship instead of utter despair. I’ve also had a lot of therapy. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD because of everything that happened that night. That’s not something you just get rid of, although I’m working on it as best as I can. After the second year, I felt like I had made progress, but it took two years. Because I lost everything that night, except for my job. Everything else changed. Everything else crumbled to the ground. So I’ve spent a lot of energy rebuilding my life.