EF E
Karina Tristandy 2014
Perceptions of Metaphysics Beats, and Private sanctuaries.
I guess we’ll just continue off from last time ; so with my dreams they always get really…
dark and I’ve gone to the point where I can.. not really control what happens but I can be conscious of what’s happen ing.. and when I want the dream to stop I always had to kill myself, butoften I can’t kill myself. Like.. I kill myself but
I
f e e l t h e p a i n and I just wont wake up until the time after
You know what you should do, you should make a dream journal, do you make one?
But sometimes there’s just so much happening I can’t write it all out, I just draw it.
That’s true, you forget 90 percent of your dreams
But my last horror dream, I wrote down every single detail even like what
cracks
I saw how many
numbers
were on the elevator what
color
was the person’s eyes, like every single detail.
Would you say you had more horror dreams or more like regular dreams?
They get twisted a lot, they always start out really fantastic and then they twist in the middle. That’s when I know my subconscious is taking over coz I usually have control over what’s going like when its with somebody I’m in love with then I can spend my time how I want to spend it or I can make something appear how I want it to be but then once things start going
green
or start going
dark then that is when I know that my subconscious is waking up and my consciousness is losing control.
You know what’s interesting is that you know how you have your different stages of sleep, so you have your four stages of sleep, its almost like as you get further in to your sleep, your subconscious starts to take over even more
and when you just picture your dreams its like you know like in Harry Potter when that
black shadow
is like engulfing you,
that’s what I picture when you talk about your dreams. Like you know how step one is like you’re falling asleep but you’re not fully asleep yet. That’s really interesting for you to look in to.
Have you ever tried having a lucid dream, like on purpose?
umm…
Because apparently you can do that.
You mean like daydreaming?
No it’s like…
No it’s like you have to stay still or something for like 20 minutes, so that your mind thinks your body’s asleep and like you can’t like move at all or something
and then you actually go in to like sleep mode, but your actually awake so you control everything.
That’s well…something kind of like that but not lucid dreaming; I did my first umm… I posed for my first drawing so I had to pose for like 30 minutes and someone drew me and like I was so still I was having an outer body experience that like I could kind of see
myself
as I was posing and I could just like my vision was starting to
blur
and my mind started feeling
h a z y but my body was completely still and I just felt extra umm…
o u o m b o d
t f y y
That’s really cool actually
That’s crazy
My friend actually tried this dreaming like she just stayed still and everything and like after a while she actually could imagine like she actually could order herself to fly… WOW
Yes, she was like yea I could command myself to fly and everything and then she just started flying all over the room and I’m just like how do you do this?
That’s lucid dreaming
What’s the thing called, where you can’t move your body?
Sleep paralysis, it’s so scary, when you’re under immense stress or trauma that happens
You just can’t move
It’s like umm…for example when I was doing my AP testing in high school, it was like 2 months of just intense studying every single day and I was under a lot of pressure a lot of stuff was going on umm… in school and my personal life and during sometimes when I was going to sleep I can’t wake up but my mind is woken up and I can see
myself
my mind is moving but my body is staying totally still, so you feel like you’re like “am I
d
right now?”
e
a
d
You should look in to like repetitive dreams too like some people have the same dreams every night, not for their whole life but for a certain period of time. They have repetitive dreams and like what that means about like trauma when people go in to rehab or something like that, sometimes they like talk about their dreams a lot, repetitive dreams
because they didn’t even realize like things that were going on as a child or something like that, it’s in their subconscious, but then they just start re-living it and they start remembering things as they get older through their dreams.
I don’t think I can remember my dreams like there’s nothing really special about it, it’s just like regular life and everything like one time like have you ever had those dreams like you’re about to eat and then you just wake up right before you get to eat it?
Oh those are the worst
I know right? I’ve had that happen to me like multiple times, and sometimes I’ll have a dream and it turns it out to be like dejavu and it like actually happens in real life.
Dejavu is really confusing. Talking about dejavu I read an article and it was like dejavu isn’t actually a real thing it’s just like when your memory is processing something and it goes through the wrong part of the brain, so you feel like you’ve
a a
been there.
l
d
r
e y
Like this one time I actually dreamt about my friend here that I haven’t actually met last time that I dreamt it and then when I was there I was like oh so these are the people who I dreamt about like oh they’re my friends. In my dream I’m just like why am I surrounded by people who I think I have known before but I haven’t actually met them and when I was here I was like oh it’s them.
It reminds of, for example, you know when you dream, its impossible to dream of someone you’ve never seen before so like even if you glance at someone like randomly like while you’re walking home on the street or something and they appear in your dream, you’re not going to know who they are, because you’re not going to remember that you saw
them
but you actually did so like everyone in your dream is someone you’ve seen before, that’s such a weird concept.
Yea
Do you guys dream in
color?
I don’t know if this is for everyone but for me in my dreams I don’t have faces but I recognize people,it’s kind of like if you were in my dream or something I’ll be like oh DJ was in my dream last night, but I won’t actually remember seeing your
youre just kind of like a
Like I recognize you but I actually didn’t see a
face
blob
physical
You can never recall anything very clearly in a dream. I mean I don’t know I mean last I had a dream of like someone saying something but apparently, because like right now the air-con is being turned in to a heater and I like had to open the window and the sound of like all the d r i l l i n g and everything just sort of got absorbed in to my dream sort of, so like when I saw like this
girl was talking she started talking and there were like weird d r i l l i n g
sounds and it turned out it was actually the sound from the d r i l l i n g outside.
So what’s the last nightmare that you guys had?
I’ve always had those dreams where you
f
a
l
l
That’s such an interesting concept, like how you wake up right before you
h
i
t
the ground
One time I had a dream that like I didn’t know if I was dreaming or if I was awake, you know those dreams? And then I was like, for some reason I was like at the top of a
staircase and I was like okay I’m going to
j
u
m
p
and if I, for some reason I didn’t think
d e a t h
was an option, so I was like if I
b r e a k my leg then I’m awake, but it’s not breaking my leg, it’s actual
d e a t h
,
and then I was like if it’s a dream then I’ll wake up and then I
jumped and I woke up I’ve had this one dream where you
f
a
l
l
but you
fall, you’re just like where’s the ground and you’re like oh there’s supposed to be a ground but I’m not
continuously h i t t i n g
it …okay.
That’s interesting, continuous
f
a
l
What’s your like latest nightmare?
l
Well I have this, now that you’re talking about this sleep paralysis thing, I didn’t know there was a term for that. I have this dream that I’m in my bed at my house in Dallas, and my room is
white
my mom designed it, she’s like an interior designer so it’s like not me at all and so I feel very like
s t e r i l being in there because it’s not mine but it is mine, you know what I mean? Then there’s this
guy that comes in and I see
him
and I’m fully aware that he’s there but I’m asleep and I’m like talking to myself, there’s somebody coming in your room call 911 call 911, get your phone and call 911.
And I can’t call 911 and I’d see
him
coming closer and closer and it’s just like him coming from the doorway and my room’s all
white
and he’s like all
black
and so I see this figure coming closer and closer but I cannot move and I’m telling myself like “wake up, wake up, Melissa wake up you’re dreaming, like this guy’s going to kill you.” He comes over and just has like a
gold
glove on him and he just puts his hand over my mouth and then I wake up. That’s like a repetitive dream that I’ve had.
Oh so does it happen again and again?
Not again and again, but like probably once a year Is the setting the same in the room? It’s my same room from home like everything is the same What do you notice from your surroundings of your room is it exactly the same like you left it? It’s exactly the same, but what’s interesting is that there’s more like
moonlight coming in, like it’s a more well lit situation, so that’s the only thing that I would really be able to distinguish differently but it’s my room like there isn’t any change. My room is
and
black white
So do you see everything in your dream to be
and
black
white
Well not purposely like it kind of just happens, because my room happens to be so What were you wearing in the dream? I don’t know, that’s the only repetitive dream, but I do keep a dream journal and that’s really interesting because when I re-read it’s almost like a crazy person wrote it like what is this? Like you know how dreams can be so wild? You don’t remember them so when you look back at them you’re like what was happening in your life?
Have you ever had a dream where you’re like a witness? It’s like you watch a movie and you’re not part of it and you’re just like that’s a really good idea for a novel or something
You know those dreams where you wake up thinking that it’s actually real? I’ve had like a really bad one of those. So basically it was my friend’s birthday and that was actually happening and then I was making a video for her birthday and it was me and this other girl who’s our friend, our other friend she was also like making her a video.
And I was like no mine’s going to be so much better and then I was like recording people telling her happy birthday and stuff like that and then I was like recording her mom okay? And I was like whatever just recording her mom, and I was like mine’s going to be so much better because I have her mom in the video and she doesn’t because my friend’s mom died and I actually like saw her
mom
and everything and she was telling me everything like everything she wanted to tell her daughter, my best friend, like going on and on and on and I had it all on my phone like literally I was like oh my video’s going to rule like I have her mom, she doesn’t have her mom like all this stuff and then I woke up and I actually believed it was real, I woke up and I like looked at my phone, because I forgot completely that her mom died, omg no it was the worst.
If you had like an actual video of her mom on your phone…
That would be so scary
I just think there’s such a fine line sometimes between your consciousness and subconscious like it can get so easily mixed up
I remember my best dream and my last horror dream. My best dream was when I was much younger I found the girl I was in love with and then her name was Jessica because there was a girl I knew named Jessica.
But in my dream this wasn’t the same Jessica but she was also
strawberry blond
she wore
pink and I went through all these trials to save her there was a house that had like
lasers everywhere and like
razors
dropping from the ceiling I got like tormented I went through war for her and finally when I was like able to see
her again and like I saw
at the top of the
her
stairs.
they were narrow
mahogany
but the stairs would
break
as soon as I
t o u c h them so I have to run up and grab her and
k
i
s
s
her but I couldn’t see her
face
because it was the back of her head and then when she turned around I woke up and I was like no! But my last horror dream I can’t remember the beginning but I remember the middle part I was in a isolated
golf course because it was like a
dome and the
sky
was painted these beautiful
art nouveau clouds sand dunes
and everything was so
HD and I was travelling with two women so we were kind of like the 3 kings, but then they had to go somewhere, we had to meet up with somebody else and we were like tracking in the sand dunes and then I walked on to a
basket-ball court
and I remember it..
s l o w l y started making this
narrow pathway back to safety then suddenly this
figure
in a suit started gliding towards me over the dunes and then I knew he was
following me and I knew I could outrun him but I didn’t outrun him but I didn’t run I was just walking fast. Then suddenly this like
long white
aura was
dragging
down from me and then as soon as I stepped on to the cement or the
wood floors I had to climb through a door but like it was halfway
open so I had to jump over to get in. And as I jumped over he appeared right
behind
me.
I ran into the
staircase
and it was
dark.
On the 9th floor and I had to get down to the 4th floor. When I was getting down I looked at every floor
number
on the elevator but there was no number 6 anywhere and the room I need to be at was room 486 and there is no reoccurring numbers.
Only
walls
existed no corners. I saw the most
horrendous things done to people. The elevator opened there were two
men
they were dressed in clean beautiful
white
butcher masks and holding babies.
As soon as the elevator closed
blood poured out.
D Y O G U Y W A N T T A L A B O U M U S I
O U S T O K T C
I read a bit about it and musicians are so passionate like they
F E E L music.
And they
H E A R
music
so differently than the average person. So I just thought that, thatwas really interesting because you know when you like
hear a
S O N G for the first time and you’re like I’m going to be listening to this song on replay and you feel like this is a good euphoric. So I thought that just knowing what that does to your brain would be so interesting. Have you guys ever had like a song or a moment that you connect with the feeling? Like how does it feel to hear something for the first time? This just reminded me of this, it was my birthday last night right?
And then I had to like eat and right before I got to the deli my phone died and I just was so hungry so I went to this place you guys know, and I was like just sitting there like no iphone nothing…ordering food and all of a sudden this
C H S I O N N E G S E
started playing and this was the song that I used to listen to when I was like 5 years old and it was just so nostalgic and I just started crying.
I guess you could really
F E E L music. in the sense that it brings you close to all these memories.
And just like if you’re going to places like a bar you are listening to music like you’re not sitting in silence, so it’s just so interesting how music can express the
E M O T I O N
it wants you to feel in a sense I know like some people have songs that they can’t listen to, because this song was playing at I don’t know what moment so they just can’t listen to that song again, because it brings back that memory, like this song actually evokes an image which is really interesting to think about.
I have that too sometimes where like I have to excuse myself if a certain song is playing because there were very monumental things happening in my life when that song was playing.
There are some songs that I love so much that I refuse to listen to it with certain people as to not degrade it, and when I listen to- cause I listen to a lot of remixes, a lot of deep house, so its all about dancing, and even without alcohol in my system, if I love the music that I could
F
E
E
L to the tip of my fingers,
it from my veins
and you’re just like “I have to
D A N C E
and I go crazy
Yeah if you hear music sometimes you can actually feel
C
I
L
S
H L
like you can tell that omg this music is actually really good.
When I want to dance with somebody I always want them to feel the
E N E R G Y
Ooh energy that’s what it is, it can be transferred between people.
Like..when I lsten to the all right song but I can still
G
R
O
O V E
to it, but when you have songs that you feel so deeply, like I think I understand grinding now, when I was a kid i waslike that’s gross, but now I think when you’re older-
You get it!
Yeah like you’re in sync! Like that
W V
A E
motion that I can feel inside my body, I want to share it with somebody. Cause now, most of the time it is sexual other times you just want them to like feel...you know
Cause yeah sometimes you’re just like you’re both listening to this song, you’re both coasting and all of the sudden your energies
C O L L A P S E
and you’re coasting together and then you’re like wow I’m so glad we’re on the same wavelength right now
Yeahh! Exactly! That’s so true cause I feel that moment all the time when I listen to really good music with people and I look over there and I see people closing their eyes and really listening to it and I’m just like wow, like you get itYeah you get it- like I’m not trying to have sex with you right now, but let’s just get this together Yeahh it doesn’t have to be like
P O
P
dance music even, like it could just be like chilling in your room, like if they’re tired and just chilling in the chair, I have many friends who like listens to a song and they would close their eyes and be like wow this song is speaking to me right now. And I think that’s really cool when you’re listening to a song and you’re just like this is changing my life
But how do you feel when you’re just going about your day, like do you need music when you go to class, or?
Yeah I do, when I go home I always have to listen to music. I don’t know why
I think I have to go 3 days at least, like I can’t go through more than that. How do you feel like when you hear music in shops or like restaurants does it make the mood or does it make it
F
L O W
more?
I think it makes it better- I don’t know why but the past few days I was trying to imagine like a world without music, its just so‌
L O N E L Y.
Like its so
EM
PTY
There’s some people who say that music can heal you, and I actually believe that it can , cause you listen to music and its like your medicine, kind of, So I guess writing songs and writing lyrics and fully expressing yourself takes your
E
O I N
M T O
and takes what bothers you and helps you to
P U S H
it down.
I think there’s also something really satisfying when you hear songs, like sometimes you’re feeling
D O W N
or you’re feeling
DEPRESSED
and you’re listening to this
S
O
N
G
and I think that there’s something pleasing that you know that there’s this complete third party experience, like someone that you’ve never met before, is feeling the way you do. Gets you, without knowing a single thing about you. Yeah when you listen to a song and you know that there are probably thousands of other people relating to this, and it makes you feel less lonely.
I think I’m also interested in how people prefer different types of music
So what would you say your favorite genre of music is?
I don’t really – I guess I do listen to
J A Z Z
or something….
I feel like I’m listening to songs most people don’t listen to, and I feel
so
ALONE
sometimes! I listen to all the things in soundcloud basically!
What would you say yours is?
E L D E H E C E O T P U S E I love
R P E O M P I X R E S O
but on the other spectrum, I love
O C R L C A S H E S S I T R A
M O T V R I A E C S K O C U A N L D
Everything that I listen to has always been like
GRAND Recently I’ve gone to more
I
N D I E
stuff, which is more personal, with maybe just one guitar, and someone singing, and its like theyre singing to you- oh
.
So what are you going to talk about with privacy?
Well you know how we were talking about dreams it inspired me to come up with questions about how dreams can evoke privacy, for example, do you get a sense of privacy when you dream?
I don’t feel like my dreams are private because there are people involved in my dreams and I don’t get a sense of privacy when I dream
For me my dreams are my private space, because when I dream I don’t register that there is an outside world
Yea same, because dreams are everything I creating in my head and so for me they’re just mine
Do you ever have dreams about craving privacy?
I don’t really have dreams about privacy but I have very irrational fears that people are watching because I live on Thompson street, so there’s like people across the street that have open windows as well and so people can look up in to my window from the street, and even though the chance of someone looking up in to my room is very slim I still have this fear that someone can see in to my room.
And there’s like a routine that I do like I have to shut all the curtains and make sure my private space remains private because, my room is my sanctuary. Like there’s a part of me that doesn’t even care, but then there’s a part of me that worries
a lot.
I was watching the news and it was about Miss Teen USA and you know she just had her laptop open normally and someone was watching her through her laptop camera through that black shape where people can watch you on your laptop screen or something.
Which is like one of my fears since I heard about this and since I got a laptop. I used to put stickers over my camera screen. So anyway this man was like going to exploit her if she didn’t give him 2 million dollars.
She never took these pictures, these are just her changing in her room and her room is supposed to be her private place. That’s such a huge violation of privacy.
That’s so scary to think about- that like even though you’re alone in your supposedly private space you still may not really experiencing privacy.
It’s a really scary thing to think about like when does privacy actually stop and even from phones, like people can be recording you and tracking your text messages, you just have to like think like when am I ever truly alone?
Do you ever get a sense of privacy when you’re outdoors?
In New York or‌?
Anywhere
Yea this summer, I spend a lot of time up in the mountains in Taiwan and so I was with my family but there was like a trail so I would go off on my own and there was this one point where I was on the mountain side and the mountain was above the cloud and I was just standing there and the clouds were moving there really fast and at one point a cloud rolled over to the mountain and I was standing in the cloud and when you try to touch it you don’t feel anything but there’s like an essence or aura that flows through you.
My family was near but I was by myself at that moment. But in the city..hmm‌I think at clubs I can feel very private and very zen,
because the music is so loud and all the people there are so in their own world that I can just sit there and enjoy myself and feel like I’m in my own world in my own trance.
I’ve had an experience like that when I was walking in the street listening to music and my friend actually called out to me and I didn’t hear him so I kept walking and then he actually like grabbed my shoulder and I still didn’t really pay attention and it was because I was in my element I was in a zone where I blocked out everything all the people and I got a sense of privacy. I feel like when I’m in a bubble and I feel very private
How you can feel so private in such a public space is like New York in a nutshell.
You can be around so many people and you’ll never really see those people again so you just use that as your own private space.
I think concerts for me are my private space, because I’m so in to music and when you just close your eyes and you don’t know anybody around and everyone around is just doing their own thing and vibing.
So then you realize that it’s literally just you and the music and nobody cares what you’re doing, so you’re literally just in your private space.
I guess you can say music evokes privacy, because all three of you gave me an example of privacy containing music.
Music also evokes privacy for me because when you’re listening to your head phones you realize that no one is listening to what you’re listening to,
like no one is feeling what you’re feeling right now, so its your own private element
sort of.
There was a social test about people going to a bathroom and basically the wall of the bathroom is transparent but halfway,
so the people outside can’t see you but you can see them, would you guys go to that bathroom?
Would you know if that they can’t see you?
Yea I think you do know
Yea I would do it