Book 3 By Healing the Wounds of Rejection

Understanding And Overcoming Homosexuality

By Healing the Wounds of Rejection

Book 3 1

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Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptural quotations are from New American Standard Bible – Updated Edition Zondervan Publishing House Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, U.S.A. 1999 Book 3 Understanding and Overcoming Homosexuality

By Healing the Wounds of Rejection Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba Toowoomba Queensland 4350

© Copyright 2014 by Kathleen Malligan

© 2014 Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba All Rights Reserved on teaching material Kathleen Malligan

Apart from any fair dealings for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the copyright act reproduction of text in whole or in part without the express written consent by the author is not permitted and is unlawful according to the Australia Copyright Act.

Cover Design by Kathleen Malligan

Printed and published for Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba PDF file transfer by Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba EBook transfer by Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba

https://www.facebook.com/departtotheotherside www.overcomingandunderstandinghomosexuality.com www.understandingandovercominghomosexuality.com triumphantministriestoowoomba@yahoo.com.au 3

Contents

Introduction

5

Prayer for Restoration and Release from Rejection

9

Counsel

59

Conclusion Emotions in Rejection

120

Scriptures for Edification

122

Endnotes

127

Bibliography

128

Acknowledgments

129

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Introduction

There is no power, but God’s power to heal and pull out the root taproot and offshoots of same-sex attraction and one of the offshoots is rejection. As a tree has a trunk, branches, leaves, fruit and offshoots to the taproot we need to find all things that support this root for they have produced infected fruits, leaves, branches allowing the root to remain healthy and to produce a life after its own kind to form another tree.

For the restoration of same-sex attraction, we need to get to all that supports the root that we no longer live out of such rotten fruits (Amos 2:9). It is only through Him we will find everything that supports the root, and it is only through Him that all what is infected will wither and die so Jesus can pull out the root.

One offshoot to the root of same-sex attraction is rejection, and it is believed to be a major contribution to SSA. I have known the deep furrows of rejection the pain had marred my soul. My pathway of healing had been long, and I only saw the light at the end of the tunnel in December 2005, but even then the light was still a way off until 2011.

One of the causation of my same-sex attraction was my perceived rejection from my parents but to find after healing came, and the fog lifted I had been believing so many lies of darkness that fortified this stronghold so they could keep me in captivity and use this to bring forth same-sex attraction.

I wrote this book from 2006 gleaning counsel from authors to overcome rejection, not knowing I would publish and direct it to same-sex attracted people. Over the years when I had neglected the pathway of healing, when I hadn’t gone over the notes to renew my mind and to apply them; then chose to wallow in the rejection I ministered death to my soul and lengthened my journey of healing. Praise Jesus He was able to make me willing to let go of this lifestyle of rejection and rebellion as He revealed all I needed was to be willing to be made willing.

So this books platform is the same as every book in the survival kit, they are short words of counsel for guidance so The Spirit of Jesus Christ can speak to you as you voyage on your journey of healing from the causation of same-sex attraction.

It is my prayer that the knowledge of this book is read at every onset of rejection that leaves pain. It is my heart that this book is picked up for renewal of the mind, for counsel from The Spirit of Christ Jesus. For help at whatever section you discern the Spirit is leading you that suits your circumstance for He will speak to you and bring hope peace and comfort 5

and faith to work through and overcome the deep roots of rejection.

Again it is not my intention to teach theology or doctrine, but guidance with Scriptural overtones. I have written this book in a similar style as the other four books in the survival kit. It is my hope that from this book you will gain keys and understanding to gain strategies to overcome rejection and those who reject and to remember that:  The Kingdom of darkness will be always at work.  To walk in forgiveness and acceptance  To know from the heart that The Father loves us, Jesus loves us, The Holy Spirit loves us.  Know your image through the Fathers eyes  To be in touch with your feelings as Jesus has them and we were created with them for a reason  To realize restoration is a process  Prayer works  Know what is written in Scripture  Receive that you are in covenant with the “I Am”  To put your hope in Jesus who can enable you to build up and build friendships In our journey to the other side, we will need to make choices the rest of our lives. We will have to be a doer of the Word, walk in the light and the Spirit with our life governed and under the power and leading of The Holy Spirit to keep walking free.

We will for the rest of our lives need to resist the flesh and the lust thereof of homosexuality with every onset of the devil, knowing Christ has chosen us to purify us from all iniquity and to abstain from all sexual immorality. Yielding the body and soul to draw near to God for resisting the fruit of pleasure of homosexual sex is going to be ongoing as it can be awakened, it does not mean we are still gay but we have memory and for some preference still remains.

Regardless of lust still dwelling in the members we have to put it off and keep our eyes towards Jesus, standing in His Faith, trusting His Word of restoration and ability to give grace and equip us in every circumstance 6

and situation, as feelings and manifestations dissipate.

Being restored is seeing our value our security and acceptance are in the Kingdom, and remembering whom we are in Christ. Resting and knowing that we are in Christ who will bring forth newness of life and desire for that newness of life and desire to walk it out in His way. We will be strengthened in our faith, given wisdom, understanding, revelation and knowledge, counsel and skill to overcome homosexuality and to overcome the tap root of rejection.

The fortified grounds of homosexuality need to be plundered for us to walk in the victory. Rejection and rebellion builds the kingdom of self and gives the demonic a foothold; it is the same truth as letting the sun go down on our anger the enemy gets a foothold. This keeps us running to the fruits and the false securities of the flesh and the enemy rather than to Jesus for grace and ability.

Jesus has given us spiritual armor; refusing to use it and stand in it, we can expect the enemy to keep his fort fortified and him attacking us.

And we not overcoming or uprooting rejection who draws us to its partner rebellion. We are then in agreement with the ways of the enemy, coupled with the lusts of the flesh, producing the rotten fruit. When we walk ‘in self’ we really block out the light of the Spirit, His Love, His fruit, anointing, gifts and His capacity to reach us to minister at that circumstance.

We will be deceiving ourselves and depriving ourselves of the joy of our salvation, of the Love of God, the Love and life of Jesus and the ministry, gifts and work of The Holy Spirit. Pursuing a life, not of priest and king, pursuing not total restoration, healing and sanctification but a life of the flesh and demonic deception and infiltration. A life in agreement with the natural sinful man and unclean spirits, therefore, not the Word of God who will bring forth change.

Homosexuality and rejection cause us to have ineffective relationships and friendships. Debilitating us so we cannot socialize or relate to others, unable to love, bond, trust, reach out for help, unable to rest in the presence of people, unable to receive from The Spirit of Jesus in and through someone else.

So are you willing to exchange these bondage and baggage for His treasures and gifts to enable you to become the king and priest He calls you into?

Absolutely, we choice life, we choose His Life His direction on the journey for sanctification, healing, regeneration and restoration.

Stay in the boat 7

Agape

Kathleen Malligan

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PRAYER FOR RESTORATION AND RELEASE FROM REJECTION

Forgiveness is needed at every point of rejection. If real or not real as we have received someone’s action as rejection and our feelings of the heart have felt rejected.

Unforgiveness (Matthew 6:15; James 2:12-13) will cause soulish and a spiritual infection of demonic strongholds (Matthew 18:34-35) that affects our body soul and spirit (Hebrews 12:15).

Self-pity, resentment, anger, denial, bitterness and other fruits listed cause us to be defiled by sin and demons and a heart of stone (Ezekiel 11:19) and inner vows are made: “I’ll never let anyone get close to me again.”

“I’ll never let anyone hurt me like that again.”

“I’ll never let my guard down again to get close to her/him.”

“I’m going to swallow my tears.”

“I’m going to harden my heart.”

“I’m going to make her/him pay for that, does she/he realize what this has cost me” “I demand recompense for what she/he did to me, she/he owes me.”

Prayer releases them and us so we are no longer bound in our heart.

Neither are we bound emotionally any longer to the person who has rejected and the iniquities associated to rejection are brought to death by The Spirit of Christ Jesus (Romans 8:13).

Forgiveness lets go of the offense, and we no longer hold that act against them. It is a major key to heal this part of our lives, as is the practice of Love.

Remember I wrote earlier there is no power but God’s power to heal rejection. Now in addition there is no power, but the power of what Jesus Christ did at Calvary by His cross to give us salvation from our sinful nature, our past and present sins and to heal our brokenness and to help us no longer desire sin and these heart attitudes.

There is no salvation from sins power for anyone except we become 9

adopted into His family (Galatians 4:5-6, Ephesians 1:5) by being spiritually born again (John 3:3) and to repent as Acts 3:19 tell us to repent that our sins may be blotted out. Everyone has sinned as the Bible writes, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).

No human being is without sin, either Christian or non-Christian. We are by nature sinful, and no human being can stop the sinful nature’s desires except Jesus Christ’s power of Salvation (Romans 6; 2 Timothy 3:5).

The Bible writes, “The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no man cometh unto the Father [God], but by Me…” (John 14:6) The Bible also writes, “Neither is there salvation in any other [than Jesus Christ], for there is no other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12) Whereby we can be saved from sin, the sinful nature and saved from damnation for “the penalty of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23, John 3:16) We all need the power of salvation daily to stop the sinful nature doing its own thing, or to stop it is sinning. And we all need the power of salvation to heal us from the repercussions of the sins done against us, and our own past sins. Then next to outwork the new change of heart and attitude or lifestyle we will live by.

If you are reading this book and do not know the Lord Jesus Christ, would you today come into the family of God to commit your life to be a Christian? Or perhaps you are backslidden and would like to recommit your life? Would you like to confess and acknowledge you have sinned by being your own goddess or god because of living your life without God The Father and Jesus Christ as your God and His Power of Salvation? If so, please pray the following prayer to surrender, commit and or recommit your life.

Heavenly Father, I know I am a sinner, and I have been living my life without you as my God and I have even turned away from you being my God. I come to you now personally through Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness and salvation.

I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross and took the penalty for my sins, and I know I am a sinner. I believe He rose from the dead and ascended into heaven and now offers me power over my sinful nature.

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I want to recommit my life – I want to commit my life to you today to live as a Christian, I choose to turn from running my own life and ask you to help me live my life with You and for You. Help me with all the sinful ways, I’m caught up in.

Help me to go to the Church you know will suit me. Help me to read my Bible, study my Bible, join a group to fellowship and increase my knowledge about You and how I am to live as one chosen by you and set apart for a plan and purpose you have for me. Help me to pray to You, help me to follow on in Baptism as You did in the river at Jordan.

Thank you that now I have received Your Spirit of adoption, and I am now a part of your family, I am now your child.

In Jesus Name I pray Amen.

On the following page begins a prayer that brings release and realization of rejection’s huge ‘cobweb.’ It will put you on the pathway for ongoing healing and keep you on the pathway of deep healing that is needed from the devastation of rejection, and you will overcome rejection.

It is lengthy, but ‘hang in there’ in the strength of Jesus’ anointing through His Spirit. He will lead you at a pace that will be comfortable for you and even when you need to pray it again to bring up more buried hurts lies or awareness of your current actions and perceptions. If it is too painful to continue on, recall most times pain has to surface before healing and we have to see it in our own heart to identify it and then move beyond it. Recall His promise; His grace will be sufficient for you His power will be perfect in your weakness (Ephesians 4:7).

Heavenly Father, thank You, You enable me to forgive. Jesus, I am willing to forgive and where I find it difficult, I am willing to be made willing to forgive, and I am finding it difficult to release forgiveness at present. But Jesus I choose to forgive, I want to be free so I am no longer bound in my heart and mind or to that person(s) or my past.

Father I confess I have harbored anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness to those who have rejected me and abandoned me and not accepted me. I feel much rejected as a person. I choose to release my rejection and these sins to you and any others you bring to my heart throughout this prayer.

Father, I will confess these sins and repent and renounce them, thank you for cleansing me by the blood of Jesus. I call upon the power of the 11

Blood covenant for deliverance from every work of darkness, assignment, curse, words of darkness and every companion spirit to rejection, abandonment and non-acceptance and in trusting, in Your wisdom.

Father, I forgive them for my sake so I can be free of the turmoil it brings holding on to these offenses, and I leave that person(s) to You. Jesus I know that the unforgiveness keeps me in rebellion, stubbornness, bitterness, malice, rage, anger and pain and the other fruits of sin, but with forgiveness comes freedom.

Father, I acknowledge the hurt, and the pain, and the feelings of rejection of these painful memories. The painful cycle that just seems a part of my life that never goes away.

Father, I acknowledge I have even stopped crying, I have stopped allowing myself to be hurt. I repent and renounce this; I give you my selfcontrol; I give you the walls, and I give you all my walls of protection.

Jesus, bring the pain to the surface of how I feel so I can deal with it and find release. Father, bring the pain to the surface of where I have been treated cruelly, treated shamefully, had cruel words said to me, even the cruel countenance that has glared at me.

Lord God, even bring the pain to the surface of how I feel about You. Lord Jesus I know this can take some time, your grace will see me through and at your pace and my determination to get the release I will be totally healed, secure in your love and secure in myself. ________________________________________________________ Please NOTE: Not all of or even many of the points mentioned below with boxes will be applicable; you may want to tick the box that does as you pray, or you may want to read them first before you continue on praying this prayer, whatever your heart wants and works for you.

Father, I forgive those who have rejected, abandoned, betrayed, not accepted me and even shamed me, shunned me, ignored me and left me out of the inner circles and their lives because; ❑ At birth I was a girl and not a boy ❑ In the womb I was not a girl/boy ❑ At birth I was a boy and not a girl ❑ At birth my father said “not a girl” / “not a boy”

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❑ I was an unwanted pregnancy ❑ I was an unexpected baby of twins and or triplets ❑ I was a feared burden on financial circumstances when born ❑ I was the daughter/son from an incestuous relationship ❑ I was a baby conceived through rape ❑ I was an unplanned pregnancy ❑ My mother was told she had to/went/wanted an abortion ❑ My mother feared another miscarriage, and or threat of miscarriage ❑ I was an unplanned pregnancy to a single person ❑ I was conceived by accident as my mother was a prostitute ❑ I was a child of a drug addict, an alcoholic ❑ Whilst in uterus there was a death in the family/relation/friend, a job loss, a traumatic event, my mother became sick and or her health deteriorated ❑ At my birth my mother was in fear, she went into shock and trauma ❑ My birth was caesarean, instrumental, protracted labor, traumatic, occultist, women only allowed ❑ I was the child of a prolonged pregnancy ❑ For two weeks I remained nameless ❑ My father divorced my mother because she became pregnant with me ❑ I was an ill baby left in hospital for a period of time ❑ I was placed in a humid crib ❑ My mother was not aware she was pregnant until I was born ❑ I was born a different color/race than my father and or mother ❑ I was a child of old parents and or my mother went through menopause and or my father was going through a mid-life crisis 13

❑ My father denied being the father, he did not claim me as his own ❑ I was born out of an adulterous affair ❑ I was the son/daughter of a concubine ❑ I was born in deceit as my father’s sperm count was too low, so mum lied and said I was his, the count must have been high enough ❑ My mother was always fearful and anxious about a new born baby and or how was she going to cope bringing me up in such a horrible world ❑ I was born a female and my mother feared I would be molested, sexually abused by males or relatives ❑ I was always a sick baby, a crying baby, a croupy baby, windy baby ❑ I was put in a room to cry, cry and or left alone for long periods of time ❑ I was taken at birth and put into the baby nursery, mum could only hold me when it was feed time and visitor time ❑ I was left in dirty wet nappies all the time ❑ I was sexually abused as a baby ❑ I was physically/emotionally abused, teased as a baby ❑ My mother/father was unable to express love; she/he was not an affectionate person – old fashioned this was the way my mother did it ❑ Hereditary rejection, hereditary neglect, hereditary abuse ❑ I was left with relatives, friends as a baby and or toddler and or whilst in school years ❑ My mother and or father did not bond with me ❑ My mother did not breastfeed and or got breast ulcers ❑ I was handed over to the eldest sister and or other siblings to mother me instead of my mother taking on her role ❑ my father/mother always said “ping off” “get lost” “choof off” “you are so annoying” “you are a pest” “you are a nuisance” ❑ My mother always blew cigarette smoke in my face when I was a toddler 14

to make me go away so she could lay down and read her books ❑ I was constantly reminded and in front of people, “this is my daughter, we hoped for a son” “we had a boy, we wanted a girl” ❑ I was socially unaccepted because I was fat; I was so short/tall; I had bucked teeth; I had ‘wingnut ears’; I had a long nose; I had a red birthmark on my face; I had acne and or lots of pimples; I was skinny and freckly; I did drugs and was sexually active; they knew my father was sexually abusing me; I had a hair lip and or speech impediment and or lisp; I had Attention Deficit Disorder; I was physically disabled, mentally disabled, I looked disabled, I was developmentally delayed; I was ‘dumb’; I had asthma/sickness and could not play sports so I felt inferior to others and rejected myself ❑ I was the one who was picked on all the time ❑ I was bullied all the time ❑ My school friend said “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” “I don’t like you anymore” ❑ My school friends would group together and not let me be part of the group ❑ My teacher corrected me for something I never did, and then never liked me again ❑ I was ridiculed for anything ❑ I could not understand school subjects, I could not read very well, I could not write very neatly and the teacher and other students ridiculed me for this ❑ I was the class clown, because I was so emotionally disturbed/unable to understand or learn the subjects taught so I acted out to cover it all up ❑ I was humorous, funny and or did funny actions not everyone liked me for this ❑ I was the ridicule of the class, from both the teacher and students. I was picked on more than anyone else in the class and had to do unjust menial duties as punishment ❑ My teacher sat me up the front of the class and said “I’ve heard how you behave, so I want you to sit under my nose so I can keep an eye on you

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❑ my teacher said “why are you not like your other sisters/brothers” and or why don’t you get good marks like they do and or why don’t you play sport as good as them ❑ I was sexually harassed by my teacher and or other school members ❑ They said I was the dumb blonde, a red head they called me ‘carrot top’ ❑ My social and economic circumstances were not to the standard of others, my family were the poor people, the alcoholics, the drug addicts ❑ We lived in a ‘dump’ of a house, a run-down house and or we never owned our house; we lived in a caravan and or bus and or shack and or shed and or tent and or commune ❑ My family had ducks and the yard was full of droppings and feathers friends would not come over or come to my birthday parties ❑ I was not Catholic, my mum did not home school ❑ I was not a Christian, my mother and father were not good Christians, my mum used to be ‘bad’ before she became Christian ❑ My dad/mum was jailed and or was jailed whilst I was at school and or my mother/father made the headlines in the paper for … ❑ I went to a state school and not a Christian school ❑ The teachers did not like me; I was always in trouble or in detention ❑ My parents never came to any sports days or sports I played or social events ❑ I was/was not brought up with that ethnic background ❑ I was a child of parents who immigrated, I had language barriers with peers and or I had to go everywhere to help mum and dad as they did not quickly pick up the language of this countries ❑ My sister/brother said in the school grounds don’t play with my brother or sister she/he is … ❑ One of the children in my class told lies about me so not everyone wanted to be my friend and or play with me ❑ One of the children in my class said, “don’t play with her/him because …”

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❑ I was expelled from school and or suspended ❑ I was considered as one of the tough ones/rough ones/sexually active one’s/drinking drug taking ones at school ❑ They used to play games and send me to Coventry ❑ I smelt bad, I always looked dirty, and they said I smelt with bad body odor ❑ I was sexually abused by my teacher and or other student ❑ I used to wet the bed and I was never allowed to go for a sleep over because I wet the bed ❑ I was sent to a boarding school, at an early age and or at a later age and or for grade eleven and twelve ❑ My mother always threatened to send me to boarding school ❑ My mother always threatened to send me to live with my father and or grandparents and or aunties and or uncles and or to put me into a home ❑ I was a child born and or brought up within a lesbian relationship and or my mother was a bisexual/lesbian ❑ I was adopted into a ‘gay’ marriage, I had two dads ❑ My mother remarried and never seemed to have time for me ❑ I was an only child and or spoilt  I became the child/daughter/son of my mother’s sister/brother because my real mother/father died. Then I was not considered or treated as a blood daughter and was treated different and not given any inheritance and or notoriety for achievements. I was to call my aunty mum, but when she introduced me it was always as this is not my child it is my sister’s brothers. I was never brought up to feel like I belonged in that family ❑ I was just the stepdaughter/son ❑ I was a child of the fourth marriage, I was one of the children from another marriage and or some of my brothers and sisters had different fathers ❑ I was adopted, and never felt like or brought up to feel like I belonged 17

❑ I am silly / childish / immature ❑ I was and or I am a homosexual and or I am a recovering homosexual ❑ I am a Christian and or because I go to church ❑ My parents could not have children so they adopted me, then pregnancy occurred and I was brought up and treated different from their ‘real’ child ❑ I was the baby girl/boy and or the youngest child of the family and when I grew up I subconsciously expected people outside my family to treat me with favoritism and just like and accept me but they did not ❑ I grew up as the favorite son and or daughter and when I left home I felt rejected because everyone did not like and accept me as if I was the favorite one ❑ My mother had a favorite daughter and it was not me ❑ I grew up as the favorite son and or daughter and no fault of my own, so my siblings did not like me, want me, were jealous and mean to me ❑ I did not bring home good academic results like my other sisters/brothers and or bring home blue ribbons for winning at sports ❑ I was not encouraged when I did not bring home a ribbon when all my other sisters/brothers did ❑ I used to get loved until our family business went bankrupt ❑ My brother/sister was always sick and or naughty and or when injured would received all the attention ❑ I never was brought anything special other than birthdays or Christmas ❑ I was not allowed to celebrate birthdays and Christmas with neighbors or others at school ❑ I was the middle child ❑ I was always told to go outside and play, go out and play and don’t come home till it is dark ❑ I was the only daughter in a household of brothers and or the only son in a household of daughters ❑ My father hated females and or my mother hated males 18

❑ My father would buy my brother(s) gifts all the time and not me ❑ My father/mother would not bless me, he would never say any blessing over me or lay hands on me to bless me and I saw him do it for many people but not me ❑ The brothers were idolized and always came first in everything and got everything they wanted, they even received all the family inheritance ❑ I was always put down, criticized I could do nothing right, nothing I ever did pleased my mother or my father ❑ I was never trusted again after I did something wrong and or after I lied never forgiven for things I did wrong and or accidents ❑ I was only ever loved if I behaved and or did everything right. My mother would say “I only love you when you are good” “nobody likes naughty boys/girls” ❑ My mother and or father were always ashamed of me because I never won anything or academically achieved anything and said I did not try hard enough ❑ My mother would bribe me to do good and or get good school results and only showed approval when I got good marks ❑ I was accused of my sisters/brothers/mother’s/father’s death ❑ My mother and father always fought in front of me, and over me, and or blamed me ❑ My mother and father only spoke to one another through us their children ❑ My father lived away most of the time, and or lived somewhere else ❑ My father was strict, and or religiously a legalist, and or domineering, and or abusive, and or stern, and or cold, and unaffectionate never hugging holding, nursing, kissing, happy, encouraging or supportive, mum domineered him ❑ My father/mother did not communicate much with me ❑ My parents always corrected me, lectured me, never let me express my opinion or have an opinion, they said children should be seen and not heard

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❑ My mother/father would lock me in a cupboard and or cruelly correct me, they said demeaning words quite often to me ❑ My mother and or father would sometimes in the heat of the moment call me … or say they hate me, and or say I wish you were never born, and or I can’t wait till you leave home and or I can’t wait until you grow up and, or I would give you away but no one would have you, and or does anyone want this child and or you’re an idiot/bird brain/stupid/twit/waste of space … ❑ I was the biggest disappointment in the family, I was a failure in their eyes ❑ My father considered me as a lover and not a daughter/son and or my mother considered me as a lover and not a son/daughter ❑ My mother did not accept my music choices or my musical gifting ❑ My father treated me as if I was his housekeeper and treated me as if I was his wife not his daughter because mum died ❑ My mother became sick/bedridden and I had to do the housework and look after her so I could not go with friends, or have friends over, or even play like a child ❑ My mother was a disabled person all my life, I had greater responsibilities to care for her and could not be a ‘kid’ or have friends ❑ My father was always in his study, my mother was always studying and or writing her books ❑ My mother was so tormented and traumatically demonized ❑ My mother/father would not eat at the table with me ❑ My mother/father would get so mad at me for eating noisily at the table, and I did not eat noisily ❑ My mother/father was an intellectual and could not relate to me practically and I was not interested in being a brain, I preferred art ❑ My mother was always at work, and or always at our family business and or were workaholics ❑ I was brought up by a nanny while my mother ran a company business/shop/corporation and or played sport, did voluntary work

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❑ My mother/father would show more attention and give credit to my best friend than me in front of others and in front of me ❑ My parents lived on one side of the house and my siblings and I lived on the other side of the house, and or we were upstairs and they lived downstairs ❑ My mother and father sometimes and or often wanted to divorce ❑ I was divorced because I became a Christian after a marriage of several years ❑ I was divorced because I could not bear children and or seed children ❑ My partner did not want to stay married to me ❑ My husband/partner had an affair ❑ My husband/wife not speaking my love language (giving gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch) ❑ My husband held power over the finances ❑ My partner was always saying ‘I want a divorce’ ❑ My partner did not desire me anymore because I put on a considerable amount of weight ❑ My partner did not enjoy me sexually and or did not often want me sexually, and or I could not make my partner orgasm ❑ My partner had a homosexual affair. My partner was bisexual all the time we were married and I had no idea, he was always having extra marital affairs ❑ My husband/wife would want to watch porn movies ❑ My partner said my breast were not big enough, and or penis was not big enough, and or too big, he/she was ‘no good in bed’ ❑ My husband loved his car more than me, he paid more attention to his car and sports than me ❑ My engagement was broken off, and or relationship broken off and or for someone more attractive and or handsome ❑ My husband/wife/partner would put me down to feel inferior/would 21

make me feel I needed his/her intellectual head space/would make me feel I was unable to think for myself/was always wanting to change me would want to conform me to be something I was not inside ❑ My husband/wife developed Alzheimer’s disease and I had to become the nurse ❑ My husband died and left no will, and or left the will not to me but to the church/charity/relatives/sons only/daughter/daughters only/sons and daughters ❑ My mother would not be seen in public with me, would not go shopping with me, would not eat out for lunch with me, would not go on drives with me, would not visit my house, would not mind my children ❑ My parent committed suicide ❑ My parent died ❑ My personality traits were not acceptable to my Mother ❑ I was fat and my Mother hated friendships with fat people ❑ I always preferred my hair oily and dirty I thought it looked better but my mother did not and I also had bad skin and was overweight so that caused contention and her to reject me even more ❑ My mother did not want children and I was a constant reminder and limitation and frustration to her remembrance ❑ I interfered with my parents self-centered lifestyle ❑ I was put into a boarding school and they lived in the same city ❑ My dad was always “about the Father’s business” always on ministry trips never any time to stay home and be with me, so busy with church ❑ When I visited my mother she would not tolerate me for more than half an hour or an hour. She was always telling me in some way or another to leave ❑ When I visited my mother she never made me feel welcome in my family home. She never asked me to sit down and watch a movie with her and or television. She never invited me as part of a card game or games night with other sisters. ❑ My sisters and or brothers would not invite me to their parties because 22

I was religious also I did not drink anymore like they did ❑ My parent did everything for me; I was not planned, and they loved me out of guilt feelings. I felt I was not accepted as a person, or allowed to be a person because they did everything for me ❑ My parent was so strict, nothing ever made them happy  My parent was so strict without love, without understanding and compassion  My parent was overbearing and I felt constant fear and no security ❑ My parent was very lenient with me; I never knew where I stood; it did not matter what I did wrong. My safety was not a concern, there were no boundaries set in wrong or even for right behavior ❑ My parent overprotected me; I did not have to do menial chores. So I never learnt how to perform routine tasks, and they would frustrate me even using tools or repair work so I would go into violent behavior. My mother would then love me more but inwardly I resented her. My father always said nothing as if mute, so I inwardly rejected them both unknowingly ❑ my father deserted our family, mum and my sisters and brothers ❑ my stepparent rejected me as I was a reminder of those from the first marriage ❑ I became bed ridden, I had a stroke, a mental breakdown, hospitalized for breakdown/sickness/disease/illness, had to receive counseling, increased number of children and adults in the home as relatives had to move in due to crisis ❑ ………………………… ❑ ………………………… ❑ ………………………… ❑ …………………………

Father, I will be able to forgive with your help those who have rejected me and abandoned me, and not accepted me for who I was and who I am or where I am at in You. I forgive those who have caused me to become motherless, fatherless, widowed, divorced, single or homeless. I ask that you would do a continuous work in me until I have totally forgiven 23

them, for I shall find release and victory over rejection. I pray that you would bless them.

Father, I will be honest about my feeling as this is where healing takes place, and I am willing to let go of my feeling to You. Father, I confess the sins I have towards you. I repent and ask your forgiveness. I renounce any false expectations and blame towards you and others. Where I believe lies about you because my heart is wounded by rejection reveal those lies to me. Father, renew my mind that I may replace those lies with truth. Help me to receive the truth and cause it to go to my heart that I may walk in those truths.

Father, I release my expectations of you to find me a friend, but thank you that you are willing and can help me find a friend(s), but I need to help me, as well. Father I ask you to do the work in me to be a friend. I ask you to set me free of the pain of rejection and see myself transformed. I release all my anger to you and anger against you and against others and the church who have rejected me and who continue to reject me. I release my harden heart against you and others because of the wounds of rejection.

Father those who have not accepted me for the totality of who I am today, who I was yesterday, I choose to forgive them. Father I even forgive every person, group of people who have not invited me out for coffee, functions, parties, cell groups, outings and celebrations.

Father I ask you to keep me from the nets the enemy will try to set before me in the future to keep to ensnare me and to continue to live out of the heart of rejection; and their works that bring the wounds of rejection and non-acceptance or even abandonment.

Father I ask if it is your will to lead me in this wilderness to heal me, reveal or to test so I may see how far I have overcome, I am willing. For I know, whosoever shall call upon the Name of The Lord shall be delivered, and you are for me, not against me. And I know when I ask you into the pain of rejection the enemy has to flee. Father you have plans for healing for my good, not for evil, neither for me to stay living out of the heart of rejection and to be friendless.

Father I give you my pain: ❑ Why don’t people like me ❑ I am a really nice person ❑ I’ve got a lot to give 24

❑ I’d be a great friend ❑ Why was I born in that family ❑ Why did she/they have to give me away ❑ Why did he/she have to leave me for someone else ❑ If only I didn’t have that surname, first name, nickname ❑ Why did I have to be a Pastors daughter/son ❑ Why do I continue to be rejected by elders and the pastors and those in ministry, Lord they should know better they are in leadership ❑ I’m a mistake ❑ What is wrong with me ❑ All he ever said is “choof off” “get lost” “you’re a pest” ❑ All she ever did was blow smoke in my face, she neglected me ❑ I wish I was dead ❑ I am too strong and dominate ❑ I put my best effort into this/him/her ❑ I am too soft and shy ❑ I am too ugly, too fat, too old, too young, too immature ❑ I am not of their age range ❑ I am an ex-drug addict ❑ I am an ex-lesbian, ex-homosexual and or I am a ❑ I’m so intense, I’m such an intense person ❑ Everywhere I go all they do is hurt me ❑ I’ve been married so many times, they hold it against me ❑ They/she/he never give me what I want

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❑ Nothing will ever change ❑ This can’t be happening to me; I have a nice personality; I’ve always been liked ❑ It’s my right, it’s my right as a person to be loved and accepted ❑ They are scared of me because of my past witchcraft involvement ❑ It’s my past life of my brokenness of homosexuality ❑ It’s because of my being into prostitution, alcoholism ❑ They think I’m not good enough because I was a victim of an incestuous relationships ❑ They have heard my testimony and now they judge me ❑ They think I am not a true Christian ❑ They think I am riff raft, trash ❑ They don’t see me as a new creature in Christ ❑ If they only got to know me, I am such an interesting person and I could be such a blessing to their lives ❑ They don’t even give me anytime to want to know me all they do is say hello Kath how are you going, and they don’t even mean it. It's like Gidday mate how ya going it is just an informal greeting without really wanting to know anything about me ❑ They don’t want my friendship because I’m from the ‘lower class’ and I don’t fit their standard ❑ They don’t want my friendship because I have not been in the Church all my life ❑ I’ve been trash and been trashed and treated like trash or I’ve treated others like trash ❑ They don’t think much of me ❑ If only I was not born in that nation ❑ I feel like a spiritual orphan

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❑ not even Christians like me ❑ I thought she/he/they loved me ❑ Look they judge my looks ❑ I must have no real value ❑ No one ever came for me ❑ You are a pain ❑ You don’t belong to us, to this family, to me, you don’t belong here ❑ I just can’t please anyone ❑ I deserve all that I get ❑ How can anyone love me ❑ I wish I was dead ❑ I’m hopeless, useless, worthless I’m no good ❑ See I’ll never amount to anything ❑ She expects me to be perfect ❑ If I don’t perform I’ll be rejected, I’m not loved ❑ If I please everyone and they will like me ❑ But I like being a loner, I’ve always been a loner ❑ Eagles fly alone ❑ I can’t cope with too much friendships/fellowship ❑ But I have God’s work to do ❑ I’ve got kingdom work assigned to me ❑ ………………………………… ❑ ………………………………… ❑ …………………………………

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❑ ………………………………… ❑ …………………………………

Father I renounce all these beliefs; I speak them off my life, out of my mind, out of my heart. I choose to write over this list that applies to me, NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE TRUTH. I ask you to renew my mind, counsel me every time I recall these lies, so Truth takes a deep root. Change my heart to flesh to stand steadfast in who I am as your daughter /as your son/ as the woman / man you created me as / as the woman I am becoming.

Father, annul every power of these words of darkness off my life; every legal right of passage the enemy has against me and even my household.

Father, allow not this strategy to come upon my children or my children’s children.

Father, help me to see and walk out of where I have bitter roots and anger and where I have judged them. Father reveal to me all judgments.

Reveal to me where I have dishonored my father and mother and You. Reveal these bitter roots: ❑

She/he is not loving

❑

She is cruel

❑

He is a drunk

❑

He walked out on me

❑

He left me fatherless

❑

She is an adulteress

❑

She never wanted me or my other brothers or sisters

❑

She never wanted anyone except her first born

❑

God is so cruel

❑

They just hurt me ‘all the time’

❑

…………………

❑

…………………

❑

…………………

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❑

…………………

❑

…………………

Where anger and bitterness have taken root in the heart because of these judgments, Father, reveal to me how these judgments bring destruction in my life? Jesus, I ask you to forgive me for judging these people and dishonoring my parents. I renounce these judgments, so they no longer seed their fruit in my life.

Father, where I have walls up to defend myself and protect myself from being hurt I give the walls to You to bring down. Bring them down by Your power and Love, bring them down in your care and wisdom as You will to do so. Father, I cannot change myself, Lord Jesus, enable me to change.

I cannot change my circumstances; I cannot stop my anger, my bitterness and resentment. I give you my walls, my heart of stone and ask for the promise of the heart of flesh.

Jesus, I ask for forgiveness for hardening my heart out of preservation and protection and self-defense against You and others. I take you today as Love, Compassion and as a God who cares. A God who has a heart to bless me, nurture me and take care of my welfare, both spiritual and physical.

Father, I take you as my defense, protector, shield and truth from the works of the enemy that keep me rejected. I call on the power of the Blood Covenant to set me free from the enemy’s fortified cycle of rejection and where rejection has a life of its own in my mind and heart. Father, I take your Covenant Word of healing, deliverance, wholeness and beauty for ashes from all my rejection with its fruits and roots I receive the healing for the broken hearted and the deliverance out of captivity.

Father, I ask You to forgive me for keeping You and people out of my life, for isolating myself and hurting me and everyone by doing so. I ask you to forgive me where I have chosen not to fellowship with You, and not visit my mother/father, relations, church family; and other people as I have felt rejected and not accepted for who I am for the totality of who I am today. Enable me to connect again, break all disconnectedness in my heart and every legal doorway close.

I ask you to anoint me with fresh oil of love, love of the brethren and acceptance in the beloved and to receive Your love and the love of others.

Anoint me with an understanding heart with wisdom and discernment for all circumstances and with counsel, might and skill to rule now and all the days of my life so I will come out, and do not go back into the lifestyle of a cycle of rejection. I ask you to anoint me to risk friendship again and fellowship with You and others; I ask for The Spirit of understanding and 29

wisdom with regards to friendships and I realize my free will in choosing friends.

Father, I ask you to forgive me where I have kept You out of my heart, resisted your love and blamed you. Your love is the very love I need; I turn to You now and not away from you, help me to stay near you. Father, You are going to have to help me lots for my mind is not yet renewed about these truths. Especially of your love and goodness, and that you are for me and not against me and that you have a hope and future for me and your plan for me is not to be or remain a rejected person.

Father, release your love, your liquid love into my inner most being, I come to you and choose to allow your love to flow through me, help me not to resist. Help me to come out of all my habits to ignore you, to block out your love and to serve You out of duty, self-preservation and I want to get to heaven because I view you out of my rejected mindset.

Father, I receive your love, your comfort, your will is for my welfare of happiness, joy and peace. Your will is for friendships and me to be a friend. Father I receive you to see myself accepted by others and accepted as the beloved and loved as the brethren, as a pearl of great prize, as someone who is truly loved.

I choose to get out of the pit of self-loathing, out of self-pity, out of isolation, depression, sleep and a hard heart that has become a way of life for me. I repent, bring these habits to death; enable me to get off these merry-go-rounds I just cannot step off I’m bonded to these habits, they have become such a way of life; I have learned to run into them, break me free of these habit cycles. Father also where my flesh has chosen these pits, I repent and renounce them and ask you to anoint me to bring me out to stay out.

Father break, cancel and annul every demonic curse, strategy and assignments of rejection, non-acceptance and abandonment, betrayal against me. I call upon Your Blood Covenant to set me free and keep me free from generational and current assignments and my children and spouse.

Father where my life has been isolation and loneliness as a lifestyle and because of the entire root of rejection and because of circumstances beyond my control, my previous lifestyles and because of my choices, I want out of every pit of bondage. Father I want a new life, I choose to break free out of this cycle of rejection, isolation, loneliness and depression and sleep and anger and bitterness into acceptance and friendships and even to understand the meaning of friendship and to be a friend. I choose life; I choose to see with your heart and eyes, anoint them from this day forward that I go never back into these lifestyles.

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Father, I even ask you to make known this truth that people do reject one another’s friendships, and even friendships move on and they come in all different forms. Father, help me realize everyone does not ‘click’ with everyone, with each other or even desire friendship with each other. Help me recall people’s choices are not reflections on me. Father, help me see this reality and see I don’t even ‘click’ or even want friendships because the chemistry or preference is not there.

Father, help me to reconnect with people; to connect with people, I am powerless to change my heart. Jesus change my heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Jesus, help me to connect with other people, with the people who will accept me. Help me to move on where people and I don’t ‘click’ and not take it personally. Help me to receive encouragement, grow me in love and your ways to accept others for who they are and where they are.

Father, bring people into my life with the gift of love of the brethren and acceptance of the beloved. Father, grow me that I become one of these people for your will. Build me up and encourage me and grow me to stay out of these lifestyles. Build me up to reach maturity, to come to the reality people will reject people and friendships will vary.

Father, where I made inner vows, open my eyes. I renounce these inner vows, so they no longer seed fruit in my life, and I do exactly what I did not like in my parents, family or friends or partner doing. ❑

“I’ll never be like my father or mother,”

❑

“I’ll never do that to my children,”

❑

“I won’t treat people like that,”

❑

“I’ll never fall in love”

❑

“I’ll die before I ever do …”

❑

“I’ll never bring children into the world”

❑

“I’ll never marry a man I’ll be gay - I don’t like them as a species”

❑

“I’ll always hate men”

❑

“My children will not go through what I went through”

❑

“My children will not ever sleep over”

❑

“My children will be thus and so”

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❑

“I’m going to do this; I swear it”

❑

“I don’t need men; I’ll do everything they can do”

❑

“I’m ……………………...

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

Father, I choose today and if needed bring me to the place where I will bear the burden of their offenses of rejection by not using that information against them. Just as you did Jesus you took the consequence of sin upon yourself and you were not guilty, and it was not your fault.

I declare I am not guilty; it’s not my fault why people in the church have shunned and rejected me because I was once a lesbian. I refuse any longer to take the blame. I’m not guilty I am forgiven. It’s not my fault I’m not ugly or distasteful or a pervert or full of lust, or a womanizer, or camping it up at all. It’s not my fault they shun me and reject me and don’t except me for the totality of who I am today in Christ.

Just because they misunderstand the bondage of the homosexual or fear that lifestyle and or are repulsed thinking oh what a wicked disgusting sinful lifestyle because they have been taught wrongly, or they have not separated the who from the do, or the born again person from the previous sin structure or the person who is on the pathway of healing. I am no longer taking it on board as my fault or personally.

I stop the car and kick this mindset out; I curse this root and seed and declare this to wither and die let it be so Father in Jesus name.

Therefore, the gap lies in the education within the church concerning those who once were these types of people. And there is an element of sinful flesh of those who willingly will not walk in the instructions of righteousness or Christian etiquette or walk out of the heart of God towards those who once were.

So these people can take it up with Jesus or Jesus will take it up with them someday sometime somewhere, and I move on because it is not my fault, I am not guilty, I have been redeemed by the blood of The Lamb, I am on the pathway of total healing and I walk circumspect before The Lord 32

God, my heart does not condemn me at all I am a woman of integrity.

Jesus, even where my woundedness has made me feel rejected and not accepted when it was not others intention to reject me or not accept me, and I thought it was, Lord, forgive me for feeling rejected and not accepted. Lord, help me to accept that life is full of broken people, sinful people, people who go their own way. Help me realize rejection and nonacceptance are sins that will always be within people and an act they will choose to do; so help me to accept this and take no personal offense. For I am truly accepted in you the beloved for who I am, and my value, security significance and worth is found in you. I am a pearl of great prize. Lord, make this become revelation to me, to keep me from falling into the cycle of rejection and non-acceptance.

Lord Jesus, I am yours, loved, cherished adored and beautiful in your sight, and you accept me and will never forsake me or reject me, or cast me away. Lord God you love me where I am at and who I am today. Not even my sin structures can stop you from loving me, or cause you to reject me, what can separate me from your love, nothing as it is written.

Lord Jesus help me not to build up a defense mechanism in my flesh against You and when someone chooses to reject me and not show me acceptance; and even when they are not rejecting and accepting me, and I think they are. Help me to overcome the reaction of rejection and surrender my defense mechanisms to you at that point so you can come in and covenant me. As you restore, I can gain understanding and revelation on rejection, thank you.

Lord Jesus help me not to be someone I’m not or behave in a way that would compromise your Word, my personality or cause me to sin or cause someone else to stumble. Lord Jesus, help me not to be someone I’m not by acting in a way to keep a friend, for this will rob me of my true self. Where I have done this, I renounce all false personalities all masks I give to you take them off for me. Help me to be me and stay myself, stay true to my real self. Help me to stay in the work you have done in me.

Lord Jesus, cause all rejection in me to die. Jesus I pray you would break the behavior patterns in the Holy Spirit so healing and restoration can come and remain. I give all these personalities and behavior patterns to you.

Jesus, help me to come out of all my comfort zones and insecurities and false securities. Lord Jesus help me, so my flesh is willing for break through into victory where rejection has me bound and its fruits. Help me to run to you instead of my old habit patterns of behavior and my false securities. Jesus, help me to die to and turn from rejection and rebellion and the fruit of these. Jesus, build in new structures, as I am powerless to stop the fruits of rejection and even rebellion and anger because of rejection.

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Jesus I choose with an act of my will to allow your Holy Spirit to refine me to bring a change of heart in the fruits of rejection and where I rebel because of the pain. Where the fruits of rejection have seeded deep within me, I ask for Your Holy Spirit to change my heart and cause me to stay dead to these sins, these ways of life. I ask that I remain in the fruit of Your Spirit. I ask that you even bring me to maturity that I do no longer act out with rejection and non-acceptance.

Jesus, bring to the light and lead me into repentance of their fruits and actions. So I can go totally free and stay dead to sin and yield no more. Jesus, strengthen me in these areas of temptation, so I am an over comer and gain the victory. Jesus let your healing balm flow to my woundedness and brokenness, so restoration, deliverance and victory can come and remain.

Jesus, help me to run to you instead of the fruit of sin and false securities of the enemy. Help me not to run to old thought patterns or confront that person. Help me to stay in forgiveness, bearing that burden upon myself as you did by no longer holding that the offence or that information or action against them, also to give you that burden for total release. Jesus, then I can walk in your ways and not in the flesh. Jesus, enable me to replace the fruit of the flesh with the fruit of The Holy Spirit, help me to yield. Enable me to do the opposite in your strength. Help me not to change myself by carnal modification but by your Spirit. Anoint me today with fresh oil for a change.

Jesus, my sufficiency is in you, you change me in my spirit, not by worldly carnal techniques but the deep work of Your Spirit. Jesus, lead me to receive ministry where necessary and anoint me to put off old practices of the flesh. Cause me to plunder the goods of the enemy and take their booty so I can walk free and stay free. A conqueror and victor of unforgivness, rejection, rebellion, shame, guilt, anger, frustration, intolerance, introspection, defiance, inferiority, perfectionism, lust, self abuse, addictions, blame, blaming self other and You, re-living memories of they said this they did that, fear of rejection, paranoia, fear, self pity, being unclean, indecision, nervousness, panic attacks, anxiety. Father I ask for discernment for other fruits of sin I need to be set free from. Secure me Father in Your Love.

Lord Jesus I forgive everyone who has ever abandoned rejected and not accepted me. Lord Jesus I choose to forgive me also. Lord Jesus I choose to forgive you where I have blamed you.

Lord Jesus I renounce all false expectations of people and places, Churches and you, I repent, forgive me. Lord Jesus I renounce all bitter root judgments, I repent, forgive me. Lord Jesus I renounce all hardness of heart, self- protection, self-control, I repent, forgive me.

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Lord Jesus I renounce all inner vows, and I ask you what they are so I can repent and be forgiven. Lord Jesus I release these people to you, I ask you to forgive me for all my actions, my sins associated to rejection, abandonment and non-acceptance.

Lord Jesus, I renounce all unforgiveness, offense, rejection and abandonment.

Lord I repent and renounce all shame, the shame of ❑

…………………………………

❑

…………………………………

❑

…………………………………

(Confess ALL shaming feelings and circumstances from as far back as you remember to date. If this takes weeks then that is ok; He will bring all this to your remembrance and at His pace, release it over to Him.) Lord I repent for feeling deep guilt because of ❑ ……………………………… ❑

………………………………

❑

………………………………

(Confess ALL guilt feelings and circumstances from as far back as you remember to date.)

Father I release all guilt to you and I receive the power of the blood that cleanses me from all unrighteousness of guilt.

For if I confess, you are faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me and not hold any charge against me. Father I receive, the Blood shall much more cleanse my conscience from all guilt.

I hear the words, NOT GUILTY, NOT GUILTY, NOT GUILTY, FORGIVEN, FORGIVEN, FORGIVEN, I receive this forgiveness, and I FORGIVE Me, I FORGIVE MYSELF, AND I FORGIVE MYSELF. I acknowledge to me; I am human I make mistakes, and I’ve made 35

good choices and bad choices, it all part and part of my human nature. I am not perfect only you are my Lord and God. I FORGIVE MYSELF yes I FORGIVE Me. From my ashes comes Your beauty, from my defeats and loss comes Your victories, from pain comes growth and every beginning have got to have an end just like with every hello there’s goodbye again – nothing stays the same forever except for You my God, I embrace change; I embrace you today as the ‘One Who Changes’ me.

Lord Jesus, where rejection has passed down the family line with alcoholism, shame, abortion, adoption, illegitimacy, fatherlessness, motherlessness, death of a mother, death of a father, bankruptcy, divorce or for the other transgressions down the family line back over three and four and even as far back as forty generations and transgressions and sins of my own I have already confessed and what is on the following list or for whatever other reason I repent and ask for release. I ask that these things no longer seed their fruit in my life or my children’s lives. Father, bring to my mind any of these fruits or causation of rejection.

Father, I repent for all my fruit of rejection, abandonment and nonacceptance and for rejecting me. I give you these sin structures, habits of iniquity and all transgressions. Father, deliver me from myself and evil spirits. Father, forgive me of my trespass as I forgive those who trespass against me and deliver me from evil – spirits. Father if now is not the time to deliver me from particular spirits because you need to bring the sin structures to death let it be so.

Change me so I may walk in the freedom, so they do not bring back seven more powerful than themselves. Father, let a binding come upon them that I may walk out from under their influence so I can change more easily with your help. Father, also reveal them where they are hidden within my personality so I may see them for a change.

Father, I now confess and renounce all my sin structures, habits and bonds of iniquity, transgressions of my own and stand in the gap for those that have passed down the family line. Thank you for bringing to death all sin structures, transgressions, habits and iniquities I cannot as yet be set free from for I take You as Lord and Savior in these areas. 

Academic striving



Addiction



Adultery



Afraid to do the wrong thing in case I’m criticized, not loved 36



Aggressive



Alcoholism



Alternative lifestyle



Anger, rage



Approved by everyone and for everything I do



Argumentative, point scoring to win the argument



Avoidance; church, school, workforce, outings, shopping any functions or gatherings, people and then blaming them for the avoidance



Bad habit – biting fingernails, sniffing, blinking, face twitching



Becoming engrossed in study, my hobby, choosing a hobby that is a lonely one Bed-wetting

 

Being a hermit, living in a far away area that takes a long time to visit me



Being in a huff



Bitterness



Breakdown emotionally



Burnout



Being a giver of my time and resources with no balance for myself



Building a work shed and being there all the time



Becoming a book worm, studying all the time



Can’t communicate



Can’t say no when I am supposed to



Can’t set healthy ‘proper’ boundaries 37



Child likeness



Choosing whatever fruit of rejection – ‘staying a loner’ whatever mentioned fruit on this list



Clean house, has to be clean for ridiculous circumstances – may be a result also an inner vow as your mother said, “no one ever comes over my house because I have such an unclean house”



Commune living



Comparing myself with others



Concerned about others instead of self



Condemning, self-condemning



Control by guilt, manipulation, gifts, money



Controlling emotions



Controlling, takeover people/children/other ministry positions or circumstances



Cruelty



Critical



Confusion



Covetous



Competitive



Compromise on purpose



Cursing people and God



Clingy



Daydreaming, fantasy, lack of attention/concentration/willpower



Death of a pet – loss of security and company



Defiance 38

people’s

children,



Demanding, ‘get this for me mummy’ ‘get this for me’



Denial – refuse to admit any pain and or any rejection/abandonment



Depravity



Depression, manic depression – sleep and sleep with depression

 

Devouring others Despair



Disagreeable



Disassociate, disassociate disorders



Discouraged



Disobedience, disobedience to all things



Disrespectful of You, people, places and things



Distancing my emotions – going inside my shell



Distorted perception



Domineering



Don’t care attitude



Double mindedness



Doubtfulness



Dressing ‘daggier’ ‘shabby’



Driving off in a rage or in emotional pain



Embarrass self



Envy, covetousness



Escapism



Extremely loyal, faithful, keep your word, won’t let anyone down

39



Fantasy of having lots of money to get acceptance



Fantasy, filthy mind, perversion, lustful fantasy



Feeling a failure



Feeling hopelessness



Feeling like damaged goods or flawed or imperfect or trash or ………



False compassion



False fixed smile or joy – everything is ok – she’ll be Jake mate



False front, religious front



False friend



False love



False perception



Fearful, fears



Fearful in the presence of those in authority



Fear of rejection, abandonment, non-approval, people’s opinions, inadequacy, inability to cope, failure, sense of fear or terror or insecurity or torment



Feeling of little worth



Fighting



Finding security by a bath, a favorite movie/movies, a toy, a room, an animal, pets, shopping, sex, eating, any addiction, ringing up Mum, Dad, sister or brother friend sibling



Flamboyant clothes, very unusual clothes or car or furniture or lifestyle, ostentatious behavior all for attention and acceptance and because I cannot relate only in humor and being ‘a clown’



Flattery



Frightened



Friendships by choice with people a lot younger or older, never 40

around same age 

‘Fool’ ‘jester’ ‘joker’ ‘clown’ being these



Fornication



Frustration, stressful



Fun and play, party mood



Giving, giving things away



Giving time to charity and charity shops, international organizations



Gluttony / compulsive eating / bulimia / anorexia



Going bush walking, fishing, sailing because I can go alone



Going for ‘rebirthing’



Going for the ‘under-dog’ – savior mentality



Going on a drinking binge



Going on a spending money binge



Gossiping for acceptance



Grief



Guilt, guilty for being born, for hating parents, for not being able to please or receive approval, for it must be my fault because mum/dad said, ‘don’t be like that,’ ‘don’t be in my sight, get out,’ don’t even breath near me,’ ‘don’t be so...’ ‘Don’t …’



Hatred



Hatred of authority, divine order, mother, father, brother, sister, family, teachers, and church and the members



Hard stony heart, heart turned away from God and from God as Father

41



Harshness



Having children out of spite, or an inner vow “I’ll be a better Mum than my Mum” “I won’t shame, reject, abandon, forsake my children like she/he did to me”



Homosexuality / bi-sexuality



Idolatry, idolizing an object



Ignorant, forgetfulness



Immaturity / over maturity not acting my own age



Impulsive



Incest



Incessant talking; not wanting or letting people leave you just have to keep talking



Independence



Inadequacy



Inferiority, superiority



Inordinate affections towards pets / bestiality



Insanity



Insecurity



Insignificant/unimportant



Introspection



Irresponsible/over responsible/false sense of responsibility “it’s my fault” “I did that,” “did I cause that,” “was that my fault”



Isolating myself in room and or part of the house, special room



Jealousy 42



Judgmental



Joining a cult/occult/witchcraft coven, false religion, commune living



Knuckle cracking



Laughing it off, going into joke or funny mode to cover it up



Lawlessness



Laziness, lethargy



Learning difficulties, disability



Looking for attention, acting out to receive attention



Loneliness, wanting to be alone, solitude or ‘leave me alone’



Loss interest in people, places, things



Lying, receiving the lie that I am such a reject, deceiving self, walking in the lie and the deception of rejection



Low self-esteem, low self-image



Making inner vows “I’ll never reject my child like this” “I’ll …”



Malice/malicious



Manipulation



Marriage to ‘an underdog’ person who suffers rejection out of unconscious identification



Masturbation – a way of escape and or a way of self pleasure because of emotional pain – clear the pain, find temporary peace away from the pain



Materialism



Matriarchal 43



Memory recall of all the thing they said, did and how I feel



Messiness, uncleanness



Moodiness



Morbid



My own way



Multiple personalities, false personality



Murder, mind of murderous thoughts



My right attitude



Negative, pessimism



Nervous



Overly dependent, co-dependent



Over-protective



Over-time at work paid and not paid



Panic attacks, anxiety attacks



Pedophilia



People pleaser, approval seeking



Perfectionism



Perverted sex



Phobias



Physically abusive, sexually abusive, verbally abusive



Playing guitar to sing sad melancholy, sad sentimental songs 44



Playing tricks on people and or practical jokes



Pouting



Possessiveness



Pretending to be sick



Pride, haughtiness, arrogance



Poverty



Procrastination



Projection of rejection on to others



Put people down



Quit, give in, give up, stop trying, put in no effort



Refusing to be comforted and hugged not letting people hug me



Rebellion, anti-family, anti-law, anti your order, anti (…), anarchy



Refusal to grow up, staying at an age of security, living in a room and or house similar that brings back memory of days of love and acceptance and or that age group



Rejecting others



Religious works



Remorseful



Restlessness



Resentment



Retaliation ‘you give me what I want or else’ ‘you love me or else’ you're lucky I love you’



Revengeful

45



Rigid, especially when being hugged, and or never will hug others



Role-playing



Sadness, sorrow



Savior mentality and acting out as a savior to people and animals



Schizophrenia, double mindedness (Frank & Ida Mae Hammond did an excellent teaching on “Schizophrenia Revelation” with the knowledge of “The Rejection Colony of spirits”)



Screaming



Seeking approval and affirmation



Self-accusation



Self-condemnation being hard on self, self-blame putting self-down



Self-love, self-life



Self-mutilation, self-destruction



Self-punishment



Self-rejection, self rejection by putting on masks and conscious false personalities to guard the heart against being hurt and for acceptance “people will like me if I act like this and or I will throw myself at them.”



Self-pity, all self-deception and lies



Selfish



Sensitive, super-sensitive



Sexually permissive, sexual impurity



Skepticism



Shame (it is vital to confess and renounce all shaming events, circumstances and acts done or against you, all area’s you felt shame and invite Jesus into these to fill them up with His Acceptance and Love) 46



Sleep, antidepressants, sleeping tablets, nerve tablets



Sleeping difficulties



Smoking



Spirit guides as friends



Spoilt little boy/girl/brat



Squalor and filth



Starting again and again and again. I’ll go to another job, church, city, group of people, and build up a new circle of friends or see if I can get someone, anyone to be my friend. I won’t tell anyone of my past or failures or anything that has caused me not to keep nor have friends. I won’t ever tell my testimony ever again, I renounce these thoughts and actions



Staying awake, living in the night hours and sleeping by day



Street-kid, homelessness, vagabond, ‘bag lady’



Striving, striving to be popular, making myself well known to everyone



Strong willed



Stubbornness



Stupidity



Stuttering



Suicide, self mutilation



Sulking



Suspicion



Swearing, foul language especially with rage and anger



Tantrums, temper



Theft, stealing and kleptomania 47



Throwing things



Throwing yourself at others for acceptance, popularity, to be seen as likable – making sure everyone remembers you (This actually digs the pit wider and deeper – people will either like you or not like you, it is a simple as that. Your true self always surfaces, no matter how many masks or faces you put out before others. The faces or masks you wear are a form of self rejection for the trueness or the totality of the person and personality you are, and faces give doorways for spirits of darkness to keep you in the pit / stronghold of rejection.)



Thumb sucking



Timidity



Tormenting, teasing



Trance, trance stare, catatonia



Trapped, sense of being trapped



Trauma



Tunnel vision



Unbelief



Unforgiveness



Ungrateful



Unreliable, late



Unstable



Vanity



Violence



Wavering



Wearing a mask, ‘shop front like Myer’ (this is a department store) 48



Wearing my hat or sunglasses indoors



Witchcraft



Winging



Wishing I was dead ‘death wish’



Withdrawal



Worry



Wounded spirit

Father, I ask you to bring to death all sinful fruits, all sinful fruits of false securities in every aspect of my life. Father every cycle and that has come down the generation I ask you to stop it at this generation, and every cycle I am bound in loose me and bring these cycles to death that I may be free indeed and not be ensnared again in a yoke of bondage.

Father, where I am on the cycle of rejection and abandonment running to these fruits, I ask that loose my life for the purpose of living in the Kingdom, so I come out of the kingdom of self.

Father, where I am held with the cords of my own iniquity and sin let them be loosed and broken off. (Proverbs 5:22, Isaiah 58:6) Father, where I am tormented with rejection and abandonment that keep the feelings of rejection alive and the assignments of rejection at work against me loose me free. Father, where I wanted to overcome rejection so bad and strived to win love, I repent and renounce this striving and drive to overcome rejection.

Father, where deception and lies are at work and self-deception and denial release your light to expose every lie and deception every work that keeps rejection and abandonment fortified.

Father, I break free from the lies and deceptions of darkness; I resist them I renounce them. Let every power of these cursed words of darkness and lies be broken from me. ❑

If I was somebody, a Pastor, if I was a Pastor’s wife, a leader

❑

If I was somebody people would like me, if I was an important person

❑

When I become ‘great’ people will like me and want to be my friend, I’d have friends 49

❑

If only I was not an introvert, an extrovert

❑

If only I was not so intense

❑

If only I did not live so far out of town

❑ ❑

❑

If only I had the personality and image of so and so If only God did not make me to be the personality/gender, person I am If only I was the life of the party

❑

If only I had money

❑

If only I was popular

❑

If only I was a Pastors wife or a Pastor or someone of rank, someone well known around the world

❑

If only I did not tell people, I used to be a homosexual

❑

Well I choose to be friendless, I choose to be alone, and I’m a loner

❑

I’ve got cats, I’ve got dogs they don’t like my home it stinks of pets

❑

❑

❑

I’ve tried so many friendships and I just can’t make keep any, I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, there is something wrong with me I’ve been divorced so many times, my children have different fathers, and we just don’t fit the Christian standard I’m not good enough, I’m trash, and I’m such a shame, shame of the family

❑

I’ve always been rejected

❑

I’ve got no right to live

❑

I’m a woman – I’m a man

❑

I am such a burden

❑

I’m single I’ve got a child

❑

I’m worthless, I’m unwanted always have been

❑

I’m so ashamed, I’ve been stripped of my dignity nobody loves me 50

❑

I love you, you’re my daughter but I don’t have to like you

❑

I love you, you’re my son, but that does not mean I have to like you

❑

I am so different, I don’t fit in, and I don’t fit in anywhere

❑

I’m so disgusting, and I’m disgusted with myself

❑

If only I was not this race of people

❑

If the war had not been you would not have been born

❑

If only my father did not leave me when I was little

❑

If only I was not brought up by a sole parent

❑

You don’t belong

❑

I’m a square peg in a round hole

❑

I’m too smart, too intelligent, to outspoken, my intelligence intimidates people

❑

I’m a know it all

❑

I’m a divorcee

❑

Take that brat out of here

❑

You are such a rebel, such a brat

❑

You will never amount to anything

❑

Some people are just born stupid and you are one of those

❑

❑

❑

Don’t go into expectations of being successful because you are too dumb and will always be dumb You’re dumb, a bimbo, a blonde, a dumb ……………

I’ve got the wrong name; how could anyone love me with a name like this

❑

They’re not going to like me

❑

I’m a mistake

51

❑

I’ll only love you if you are good

❑

I’m …………………………

❑

I’m …………………………

❑

I’m …………………………

❑

This is all I’ve ever heard – you’re a miss fit

❑

I’m such a disappointment

❑

I’m a stray dog

❑

I’m damaged goods

❑

I’m such a reject

❑

I’m the living dead, I feel so dead but I’m alive

❑

There’s no way out, I’ve no one to turn to who wants me

❑

Everyone would be better off without me

❑

Nothing I say or do makes a difference

❑

I can never live up to anything my parent(s) wants

❑

It’s my entire fault; I’ve got to learn to be a better person

❑

What you have no friends, you can’t get friends

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

❑

……………………………

Father even where I have taken on nervousness, false personalities, humor, had breakdowns, burnout and even where I have been certified by Mental Health; and even where schizophrenia has seeded and taken root I 52

ask for freedom from all the fruits of mental illness from the root of rejection and abandonment and non-acceptance.

Father release me, deliver me, and break any and all curses, bonds and bands. Father, if it be so, withdraw me from medication when You know I am ready. Father, do not allow me to stop or just dead stop the medication or to slowly withdraw until I know that I know that I know I should, because mental illnesses is real. Not only real but can have roots in other transgressions and curses, not just from the root of rejection.

The truth is people are born with different genetic makeups and different physical and mental illnesses and need to be on medication all their lives. Father, I realize my mind and personality would need to be renewed and progressively healed from all fragmentation, and it is not as simple as withdrawing off medication. Enable me to continue to seek professional guidance and counsel and follow their counsel especially those or in the Church you have me seeing.

Father where I am blind to this at work in my life anoint my eyes to discern these works. Father where I am aware of these fruits I ask for restoration, stability and total healing because I am in Covenant, for “by His stripes I am healed” and “liberty to captives” and “complete opening to the bound ones” I take you at Your Word; I receive my inheritance of healing; I receive salvation provision of restoration. I shall build old ruins and shall raise up former desolations, and I shall restore the waste cities, ruins of generations and generations. (Isaiah 61:1-11) Father set me free from any psychosomatic condition and diseases.

And if there is any sickness that came into the body through rejection and abandonment and their fruits I ask for Covenant release, Covenant healing.

Even where I have reached out to be punished, self punished, hurt for attention, and attention by lawlessness and any other form of attention I repent and renounce and ask for forgiveness. Father, where I have a habit cycle of self-pity, break this cycle by your power that I am set free.

Where I have sought affection, and affection in ungodly ways through this or any other pattern of behavior set me free. I ask you where this is at work subtly in my life; I repent and renounce this as a way of life, bring me out and break everything by your Holy Spirit.

Father, close any and all doors to all sickness and disease, continued sickness and all afflictions, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Any and all doors where access through rejection and abandonment and nonacceptance and shame has opened doors to terminal illness, infirmity or disease, close the doors, covenant me with healing and deliverance.

Father help me, to put into practice the knowledge and keys of this 53

book. Help me to cross the bridge from head knowledge to heart knowledge. Help me to work through this book by application. Help me to go to these resources for your counsel and for continued healing, enable my heart to take hold of this information. Soften my heart of stone to a heart of flesh. I surrender all my brokenness; I ask you to manage me by overruling every aspect of my life with regard to rejection.

Father enable me to get past the pain when it resurfaces. Especially for continued healing or when you want to uncover the pain for the next stage of healing because of the pain layers that have gone deep in my mental physic. I surrender today to walk with You by Your grace.

Thank you for the covenant of binding up the broken hearted and giving me beauty for ashes. Thank you for raising former desolations and restoring waste places, I shall eat the riches of the nations, and I shall revel in their glory.

Father I praise you and thank you, through Jesus Christ, Amen

Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba- Releasing Hearts 54

Counsel

Darkness Is At Work – This Is The Truth ________________________________________________________ You are beautiful; a daughter or son of God, part of the royal household, a royal priesthood, a citizen of heaven and belonging to a holy nation. Precious, a pearl, a treasure, a ruby, the apple of your father’s eye, blessed, important, Jesus’ friend, loved beloved. The Living God desires your companionship you are a saint and many other qualities and have great significance in God’s and Jesus’ eyes.

The real truth about you is you are all that and you belong to the family of God and your identity is found in all that He and His Kingdom denotes of you. Yet truth is, there is the demonic attack inside the walls of The Kingdom of God. Spirits of darkness want to tell you whom they think you are not what the Scripture says you are. The enemy will use rejection against you in the hope to cause you to sin and fall, this can have a chain reaction yet it reveals a cycle, a habit pattern. Over the years, they have built a fortress in your mind for occupation, a fortress of various sins so they are fortified with habits and they know this so they will set up soul triggers and off with a response the soul and body follow suit, for a system have been set up.

Darkness has a destiny for your life as well as Jesus. Rejection has strong link ups to Jezebel, the Queen of heaven; it is one of her fruits, hand in hand with rebellion. For we wrestle, not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, and powers and spiritual wickedness in high places.

‘That’s active’ this denotes action, wrestling is an active word, not a submissive word. Just as there is a triune of the Father, son and Holy Spirit, there is a triune in the kingdom of darkness, Jezebel – Antichrist – Hell and Death.

The enemy wants to keep your identity and give you his destiny by reliving hurt, lies and deception and his whole house of homosexuality is built on this. Therefore, they want power over your life through these deceptions and lies, but realize the enemy is a thief and a counterfeiter who wants to steal your identity and mortally wound you. They want to give you a picture that is the opposite of what the Scriptures say is true of you and opposite of who Jesus is birthing who is being born from above and remember “one cannot enter the kingdom of heaven unless he or she is born again from above.”

55

________________________________________________________ Rejection Screams In A Loud Voice ________________________________________________________ Rejection will scream at you over the years “God did that ... He let that happen...God did that because you did this…… you did that.............God did that because He wants to teach you a spiritual lesson.

This is how they work, the enemy heaps on you condemnation, regret and says it is your fault because..............

Then bitterness and blame, anger resentment, hardness of heart come towards God. Maybe even hating you or angry and bitter towards others, or blaming them. These reactions will keep you from receiving the blessings or Love, and you will be wondering why your own healing and deliverance and restoration is far from you.

Then your image of God on the inside will coming from any stronghold of the mind of a misunderstanding and ignorance of the image of God as it will be perceiving from what you have of your earthly father. God is just like my father He rejects me and has no time for me; I never hear from Him; He never says anything to me or gives me nothing.

You would have heard this said that one of the enemy’s weapons is to distort and defame the character of God. If he can get you to think God is like people you know or have known or like your dad or your husband or wife, mother, pastors, church leaders or people on TV then he can distort this image.

Therefore, your image of God is not going to be nice in your heart.

You are not going to want to go to Him or want to talk to Him or be intimate or want to know a God like this. You will put a wall up to keep God out when He is the only one who is for you and can help you, heal you, restore you and truthfully love you and lead you to truths about Him and Himself as a God of Covenant. ________________________________________________________ People Act Out Of Their Brokenness ________________________________________________________ Remember not everyone has to like us. Do you like everyone you meet? Who would you not want as your best friends? Are there some people’s personalities that you don’t like? Are there some family members you clash with?

Yes, we are called to love one another, and that is a gift imparted to us of love of the brethren, acceptance in the beloved, but does that mean 56

we have to like their kirks and perks or personality or have them to be our best buddy and pal. Anyway our worth is not found in friends or family or gauged by people liking us or these wanting to be a friend us.

We do find people we click with and prefer to other people to be and get close with, but that does not mean we don’t love the other people as family or as brethren, or does it give us an excuse to avoid them or ignore them or reject them, Jesus may speak to you through them, and we are called to walk in Love and acceptance.

Remember people act out of their brokenness and bondage. They may not be intently rejecting you, only hung up or bound up in themselves.

That person who rejected you may be in demonic manifestation. Or that person may be having a bad day, or did not notice you for they were miles away in their mind.

Therefore, they may not be rejecting you at all; it may just seem that way. They may have roots of rejection and are operating out of their woundedness. Maybe they are hurting and weary of giving out, maybe they don’t care at the moment. Whatever is the maybe, check in the Spirit and yield it straight away for His Lordship or the spirits will capitalize on the situation. You will learn this over time that it is best to submit and invite Jesus in at any onset you perceive or the battle goes on and on and in the direction you were not anticipating it to go. ________________________________________________________ A Critical Spirit ________________________________________________________ If someone criticizes you that triggers rejection or non-acceptance or the old strategic lie, it will hurt as you are in the process of restoration for the wounds are so deep. So ask yourself to consider is this person a critical person? If so they are not operating in a spiritual gift and lower your expectations, the church at whole does not walk after The Spirit but after the carnal nature or the flesh.

The reality is offense and criticism will come from prophets, prophetesses, pastors, those in ministry positions and other people in the church and as you know family, friends, coworkers and employers. The sin nature is the sin nature, and it will always be the sinful nature.

Now consider was the criticism intended to pull you down or build you up? If it can be seen as constructive criticism the reproof is a blessing, an opportunity for growth in restoration.

Consider this, when other birds attack an eagle or a hawk, they do not counterattack; they just soar higher until the other birds grow wearily.

57

So it is to be with us, just take the keys and rise above them don’t retaliate with criticism or judgment, retaliate with love. Don’t allow them to be creative in forming you into their image by their destructive criticism and don’t let that become an opportunity for unclean spirits to get another foothold. Jesus will catch up on them and show them their sin structures somewhere down the track. ________________________________________________________ Healing From Sexual Abuse __________________________________________________ If you have not had any deliverance for any form of rejection for being a daughter or son of incest, you will be in need of much healing and deliverance of darkness.

Recall Tamar was sexually abused by her half brother (2 Samuel 13:12), and her shame went into the soul. Amnon loved her, but it was not genuine love just perverse lust for afterward he hated her. These types of men are driven by demons of hatred of women, lust, rape and many controlling devils.

Like Tamar she was told to hold her peace and be quiet and this is the major work of darkness that demons use to keep secrecy on the mouth.

This causes a form of autism over the mouth and a silence that will break when healing comes forth and the breaking of curses attached.

This type of rejection is fueled with the demonic and flows over into relationship and marriages. Unless uprooted and healing sought these spirits remain at work in your life. You act out of these wounds without even realizing or realizing the triggers that set you off in sin structures or you don’t realize the barrage of overtones of the demonic because you think it is your mind thinking this way.

Memory recall brings back the torment, the doorkeeper of curses and rape keep open the door for future sexual assault and sexual assaults on your sons and daughters to set this up for generations to come.

If you have never addressed this in your life, no matter if you are fifty or sixty today is the day to begin. Today is the day to ask Jesus to come into this brokenness. Today is the day to trust He will lead you to receive the ministry, and the determination and change of heart to have this tap root totally uprooted out of your life and all the demonic plucked out of their dwelling places and uprooted out of the land of the living (Psalm 52:5, 5:10).

Just a note; if you are a perpetrator caught in the trap of incestuous activity or pedophilia in all its dimensions seek help. Surrender it to Jesus 58

He understands what drives you and what predicated your involvement, reach out for ministerial help for this too can be overcome and brought under the Power of The Spirit of Christ Jesus and His Word. ________________________________________________________ Walk In Forgiveness And Acceptance ______________________________________________________ Not everyone accepts the different types of people or people who have a colored past. Either do they serve them in a spirit of Christian forbearance or forgiveness or acceptance and you can be assured they will fault find.

Most people are self centered and live by ‘well what about me’ ‘I want things my way’ ‘I am who I hang out with’ ‘I don’t want to adjust to other people’ ‘I want them to fit into my mold’ ‘that guy is so soft, that woman is so butch I am not going near them.”– ‘me, me myself and I.’ Not everyone is like Jesus who loved the publicans and the sinners, or as some call them ‘the annoying people’ the ‘difficult people’ ‘those people who once were’ (1 Corinthians 6:9-11), those ‘people with a drug past.’ You will find those of ‘the holy huddle’ those who are religious those who are the white washed tombs these will avoid you, because of the stronghold of the way they are.

Recall Jesus associated with every type of person; He knew where they were at and what they could become but they are not as Him. But we, who know the pain of rejection can in turn reciprocate to love, accept and forbear every type of person – in this we see this principle love your enemy. You will learn this over time to go into the Spirit and find His will in these circumstances for His beloved.

Jesus was rejected and despised of all different people; yet He still walked in acceptance and forgiveness. He accepted the woman at the well who was a woman sexually broken and can be said she was rejected five times by men who only had the right to divorce. He gave her a place as His disciple and as a female witness and a witness of the Gospel message.

He accepted Peter, James and John, in worldly terms smelly maybe like the typical swearing fishermen and made them disciples. Even Zaccheus and Matthew who stole tax money. If Jesus can love, forgive and accept all types of people, you and I can love, forgive and accept those who reject us, those who sin against us, and love those who have been these people or who still are these people.

We can love those who are the so-called ‘better than’ or ‘together’ or ‘spiritual’ or ‘the more mature’ or ‘in authority’ or ‘should have known 59

better’ or the ‘self righteous’ or those without Christ or those who reject us.

We can love, forgive and accept them, give them another chance, give them mercy and give this by yielding to The Spirit.

Don’t judge them as they will still see us as homosexual, sexually broken and they will reject to the core; so stay in the process of being healed regardless of their actions or words. When we truly meet the Savior we are never the same again. We are walking miracles; He planted a root of change when we committed our life to Him. And as you have left that lifestyle, you don’t truthfully want to go back, especially once you have met Jesus and He consumes your heart with His Love and acceptance and binds your wounds and brings liberty from captivity to free you from the prison of darkness that kept your spirit, body and soul bound.

So yield to the Spirit of Christ Jesus so you can “forbear one another in love.” Recall the power of the cross, remember He is the restorer of the soul His power can and does and it does not happen over night for deep rooted sin structures and character defects that fortify and strengthen the bondage of our sexual brokenness. ________________________________________________________ Faith In Those Who Reject ________________________________________________________ We can put faith in those who reject us, this is the Christian life and if we don’t find people putting faith in us then it’s not our problem, and it is theirs. We move on to reach out and connect with someone else, we cannot change him or her only Jesus can. But we can forgive them remembering what Jesus told Peter “until seventy times seven.” We know when our sisters and brothers sin against us it is the Christian life to forgive; when we refuse we know we are the ones who suffer the most.

So when someone is rejecting, you may be having an encounter with someone who has had their heart ripped out over and over again by rejection. So they have walls up, faces on and all you see is the bitterness, the wall of self protection and self preservation. One of those faces will be keeping their heart at a distance.

This person may be the one who needs their respect, worth and dignity restored like we did or still do. We all are important and the Christian faith is not to consider someone as annoying or difficult or unredeemable or to be seen as a shadow of their past, they have come into the light and glory increases – from glory to glory.

We are to have faith in others, seeing them for what they can and will become as the potter molds and makes them. We are to see the miracle that they are ‘saved’ out from under the powers of darkness. We are to see 60

well in people, hope in people. We are to walk in forgiveness of people, acceptance of all people, love people, serve people, and lay down selfcenteredness, the - me, myself and I for other people.

We are to be “forbearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2) We are to make allowances for others. We are to learn and to find ways to forbear with one another especially those we are not compatible with and those that reject us and those that ignore us. Regardless if they are saying “Kath has a lesbian past or I’m fearful of Jack – they can take this up with Jesus and you allow Him to work in you here to grow you up as king and priest.

This is the life of a king and priest we live from the supernatural and in this is fulfillment and satisfaction for this is the will of God and where the blessings come. We are to learn the love language of Jesus our Great High Priest and as we do this the pain of rejection will most certainly be seen in another light and we will stop rejecting others.

Truth is we are to gain like contentment how to live above ourselves the spirits of Satan and the lusts of the flesh and this includes the lust of same sex encounters, the whole person that includes the emotional and mental and physical self, yet it is a learnt process a born again way of life.

No matter if we are considered as the analytical, the driver, the amiable, the expressive, the sanguine or the type A or type B and/or AB personalities or whatever they have come up with. Our destination is to be as Jesus, to “love the brethren’ and to walk in ‘acceptance of the beloved” and to “consider others more highly than ourselves” (1 Thessalonians 5:13) and “forbearing one another” (Ephesians 4:2).

If you hold on to the mindset well I need love, I am a human being who needs food, shelter and water and above all I just have to have love and on my terms you will bypass the love life of Christ that reaches out to love others. It is in loving others we are loved and receive the beauty of loving others; and taking on His way of life is the living above the madness of same sex appeal or same sex desire for intimacy that be physical and or mental.

We will never be without love, for we have Love living on the inside of us – yield to love, yield to love; yield to be loved by Love. Consciously afresh every day, and if necessary several times a day until your mind is renewed and you are intertwining in your senses with Loves, love.

And if those who reject us don’t walk by these principles, then we don’t take it on board, it’s not our problem, we are not the problem they have the issue’s, they are the ones who are not walking according to Kingdom principles and Biblical instructions. They are the ones whose heart 61

is not after God or the ways of God so don’t take it personally, don’t see it as personal rejection or “I’ve had enough of this”.

Recall also those who are not Christians live from their base selfish nature under the influence of spirits, therefore they will reject without even blinking about what they are doing for they are in the ‘me, me, me myself and I’ bondage. Their hearts are hard and if you treat them the way they treat you then you are the ‘bad guy’ for after all what did they do wrong!

In their own eyes nothing for they are demanding to be worshiped and thought highly of and liked for their bad manners and selfish base behaviors.

On the pathway of healing we will be able to put down our own pain of rejection and perception of it, to press in and become a companion, an associate, and a friend to the friendless and to others. We can pray for divine appointments to reach out to those hurt in emotions and broken in spirit in our congregation, those caught in the web of lies and deceptions of rejection.

We can yield to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to reach out with Love, forbearance, acceptance and healing to someone who has a root of rejection, to someone on the healing road of rejection to someone who is not accepted because they have a homosexual or sexual or drug addicted or whatever colored broken past.

If we treat people with forbearance, forgiveness, faith and yield to love we won’t fall short of friends, most times rejection has a down side of me, me and me. When in forgetting about me we find our healing and friendship. When we decide to take on board the Christian Kingdom way of life, the life of love and friendships of all different types will come on board our ship, most assuredly.

“Do not resist one who is evil. If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matthew 5:39) “Love your enemies.”

(Matthew 5:44) so pray for those who persecute or curse you. ________________________________________________________ You Are A Miracle ________________________________________________________ We have heard much preaching on the miracle at the marriage at Cana in Galilee about the six stone jars that were about five feet tall, which would hold twenty or thirty gallons of water. Some have said and I believe the miracle happened when the water was tasted, not being changed in the stone jars. Not being changed into wine when it was drawn out and taken to the steward of the feast, but changed when it was tasted “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalms 34:8) 62

Then if so many would have missed and misunderstood the miracle until seen where it occurred. This is like many who miss the miracles that happened in our life when He brought us to Himself and that wine at work within us afterwards.

Christ Jesus has worked a miracle in us to bring us to where we are today especially in this process of healing. People will miss the miracle that sees us not for what we were but what we have become and what we will continue to become. They will see the old creature or the outward gay personality or remember when we blew it, or view us by just our past sin structures.

Religion and legalism binds people as much as rejection binds people.

People will critique you, criticize us and reject us. If you are doing something that is right they will criticize you and if you are doing something wrong, they will criticize you.

Just because someone is at Church that does not mean they are filled vessels, they may well be just like those cold stone jars having water in them that has not as yet come forth into new wine. They are bound up just as we are or were in rejection not yet walking in the taste of new wine, miracle wine, better wine and the latter wine. They may only show new wine when they put on the spiritual face, only when they have to be tasted!

As much as we feel we should be accepted and loved, they in return are to be accepted and loved; they have bondage just like us. And like those jars of water were instruments that held the water that was to be turned into the best wine they too are coming forth and probably could be at the brink of being filled to be set free from their religiosity and legalism and judgment of us. And we do not want to hinder that process and give them a reason to stay looking at us out of religion and legalism. __________________________________________________ Forgiveness Is A Process ________________________________________________________ We cannot expect ourselves to totally forgive in one prayer for those who have rejected us, or those who continue to reject us, or people who will always reject us.

We will always need to work through our deep hurts, grief, rage, anger, bitterness, retaliation, shame and blame, all our emotions and many other issues before we can truly forgive and or even choose to forgive.

In this process of healing we will need to yield to ask Jesus for His forgiveness to flow through us. Also throughout our whole journey as we run this race – this life time race, its not just a hundred-meter sprint or the 63

eight hundred meters at a fast pace, but the marathon of life we run at all different paces before we are to receive our eternal crown. ________________________________________________________ The Father Loves You, Jesus Loves You Holy Spirit Loves You

“God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son that who so ever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.” For God so loved you Lily, Julie, Jo-Ellen, Jane, Jenny, Lois, Donna, Kathleen, Patrick, Robert, Paul, and [………put your own name in ………] that He gave His Only Son for you.

You are made in His image, He who is love, does love, as He is also Spirit and Light He is Love and loves you and loves you for you, loves you as an individual. Just as we who can love our cats and dogs or someone else’s child, how much more can God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit being love, love us – they are love – ‘let Him bring it on’.

A tree is a tree it can’t help being a tree, it can’t help producing seed after its kind. God is love; he can’t help loving because He is love. Love is God’s nature, He can’t stop being love, and He just is Love, therefore He LOVES YOU and He will forgive you and take any and all guilt from the depths of your inner being, no matter what sin even if it was two minutes ago, He wants you to get there, He wants you to make it.

A tree can’t help but bear leaves for it is a tree. God can’t help but love He is love. And He does not love us with any motives, He loves because He is love, we speak because we are human, its human nature. He loves because He is Love It’s His nature. It’s a cat’s nature to meow and lick themselves they can’t help it. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit love, they can’t help it, it’s their nature to love. They just can’t stop loving you, just like we can’t just stop peeing and a cat can’t stop licking and meowing and a tree can’t stop bearing leaves. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit can’t stop loving.

Jesus said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Hear love in this, hear love for us His creation. Forgive them, I love them, I want to love them, I want to save them, I want to have their company, I will see them as righteous yes LOVE screams out loud. ________________________________________________________ You Are A Somebody __________________________________________________ You are not a ‘no-body’ in the eyes of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit 64

you are somebody. Your relationships of love to your cats, dogs, your children and partner reflect the nature of God as love; you’re made in His image. You love your cat or dog; you love them even if they toilet in the wrong place, they are yours. Then you are His, His somebody, you are not some cow on the road to Bethshemesh that He uses for His own glory or selfish purposes.

You are not some rag He wipes his hands with for His Kingdom purposes. You are not just a vessel for His kingdom come His will be done.

You are not just a vessel to refine you. You are not some experiment in His hands and He is not saying to The Holy Spirit “just keep them feeling important and keep them from sin”.

You are created from a heart of Love, created for relationship, fellowship with Him. It is out of this love that we follow and change; out of being relational, grounded in love and this is His utmost desire to love you first and all else follows. You are important, valuable and worthy in your created state and as an individual regardless of your gayness or how priccey or masculine you are.

He wills to Love on you and give you nice things, love, gifts, blessing, importance, value, significance, worth, a future and a hope, not use you, demean you, make you feel insignificant, or punish you for not coming up to standard. He will not treat you as some type of vessel He uses for His glory and you’re supposed to feel like trash and no good thing or as nothing if you sin. You are not just His vessel, a piece of clay, just a cow, just something He uses for His gain. That is not His heart or nature; He is a giving God, a kind God, a God who exalts His people, makes and wants them to feel worthwhile, worthy, significant, loved, important, wanted, needed.

He gives and has given you, you particularly, given just for you, spiritual gifts and callings for your pleasure, your delight, your enjoyment as well as His will in His plan of your redemption and the redemption of mankind. You have worth and value no matter how big, small or in between the gifts and callings are. You are allowed to delight in what you have been given what your call is, what your anointing(s) are.

It’s a lie from spirits of darkness that He does not need you or that He has other intercessors that can pray in the anointing like you. It is a lie He has plenty of other people He can raise up to write books, send, fulfill your call. He does not need you is a lie from spirits as well, He does need you, you have an appointed place in history and ‘for such a time as this.’

He has chosen to bless you, this is your plan and purpose He has for you, not for someone else, it’s His individualist plan for your life, He wants to bless and prosper you as His individual daughter. He sees you as an 65

individual, not as someone who is replaceable with another daughter. The plans and the purposes are for you, not someone else, they are intended for you, intended for you since the womb of your mother. He loves you no matter even if you choose to abort your callings and gifts; this will not stop Him loving who you are even in your sexual confusion or same-sex attraction; He loves to love you, and loves you for you.

Consider you being sinful by nature know how to give good gifts to your own family or son or daughter and want to prosper and plan good things for their life. Then how much more God being the Father of your spirit would want to do this for you. “Wake up oh sleeper and rise” from the death of lies, you are lovable, desirable, interesting, beautiful, He wants to liberate your soul to love you, to dance the dance of love in all its facets with you throughout your life and then throughout eternity. ________________________________________________________ There Is A Battle For Your Heart __________________________________________________ The Father Jesus and the Holy Spirit want to be intimate and fellowship with you. They want relationship; they want to show themselves, they want to love on you. The battle is on, the enemy of our heart wills to defame this relationship. When we allow Him to show us the depth of His love and Himself as Love, our healing goes forth like a rocket. Love will conquer the enemy’s web not only of homosexuality but of rejection.

“Jesus, when I hear others say You love me it falls on deaf ears.

I need You to deal with me individually just where I am at as me. I need you to meet me where my love language receives not by other peoples. I believe You will and are able.”

Jesus I surrender to allow you to love me I come back into relationship with You. Amen” ________________________________________________________ We Need To Relinquish Every Part Of A Lifestyle Of Rejection ________________________________________________________ We need to unlearn and bring into our heart love as a way of life.

Love is essential in the journey of healing, loving others who do reject and those who don’t reject us is what we will bring forth. We need to go forth with love on our minds, love on our hearts, and love in our eyes with the anointing.

We need to allow love to be birthed in us, we need to let Love (Jesus) love through us; we need to let Love’s (Jesus) unconditional love, love others and let Love, love us. What we need is His help for a shift in 66

perception, and to do this it will only come by one way. That way is to pray and ask for a shift in perception, a change from the inside with Him loving until we are married in a heart of love.

A house built on people’s actions because of their character defects or choices is a house built on sand. Our houses have been built by perception, what we thought – “I’m rejected again,” “I feel rejected,” “Nobody wants to stay friends with me,” “Nobody wants to know me outside the four walls of the church” “No one receives me” “This is not something I make up, it has been happening year in year out” If we let Love rebuild us on the Rock of love, our house will be strong against any form of rejection, we won’t fall down, and we will weather the weather. Then the reality will not be based on moods and feelings of rejection for we will not listen to those old lies.

Turning to Love to love is peace is life is love then looking through the eyes of love in surrender in every perspective of rejection true or false works beautifully for overcoming rejection, this I can testify. ________________________________________________________ Surrender ________________________________________________________ Now we have to surrender to Jesus, and this means to let go and let Love. We have to follow the Shepard to come out of rejection, so we have to follow Love. We have to let Love so we can have the love of our brethren and acceptance of the beloved towards our sisters and brothers who are rejecting us for our homosexuality of for whatever.

Opening our heart to love casts out fear, casts out rejection, opening our lives to love changes our life; this is our major key on the pathway of healing from the offshoot of rejection. The shift from rejection to love is healing; the shift from the old perceptions of rejection into love is the removal of the sand our house has sat on for years.

As sons and daughters of God, made in His image, made to love and be loved truth is we are loveable. We can love, as He loves us unconditionally because He is Love, so we too have the capacity in our created image to love, just like a seed has the capacity to become a plant with flowers or our head can grow hairs, so to can we love others and God. Jesus is Love; He loves and accepts us exactly as we are; right here right now reading this book. We too can also love others right here right now for exactly who they are when we surrender to Love. To think we cannot love is like thinking we cannot speak, love is as natural as that, as natural as hair growing.

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We are created in His divine image; He is Love, we too are love, fallen love, but able to love, able to love and accept the brethren, able to seventy times seventy, able to by His power able to for we are able to love. __________________________________________________ Ask And We Shall Receive ________________________________________________________ When we ask, for an awareness of love in every perception of rejection we will receive it. If we yield to love and Love we are willing to allow Him to express love to them, and us then we perceive the situation differently. What dedicated person in Christ hasn’t loved themselves enough to cloth themselves and feed their hunger? What person in Christ hasn’t and doesn’t struggle with taking away the “look out for number one” and “well what about me, myself and I?.”

In the book, The Kingdom of Self Earl Jabay writes that we all have an ego that Lords it over Love. But ego has to stop god playing and let Love rule, let go and let God. When we deny ourselves love and Love, we are denying ourselves clothes and food. If we abandon love, we will starve; we will stay in pain, stay in pangs of rejection. Love is a miraculous key. “Take it eat it, each time you do remember me. Take this Love, eat it, and drink it, each time you do remember me.” 1. [McGuire, 1977] We are called to “love our neighbor as ourselves” and “love our enemies” the law is fulfilled in this. Love then speaks volumes; love then must be a great big solid gold key that unlocks great treasure. Love must be then the way of life! So we will just have to surrender to Love and love.

We need a renewed vision about rejection so we can walk the walk of Love, not rejection. Unconditional love for others who reject us is the ultimate goal. The Spirit of Jesus will help us go forth with this love in Love’s power and ability. This is a great opportunity to grow, mature, and overcome and to love and be loved like never before.

The wounded me myself and I want to yield to the rejection, but the Spirit of Jesus wants us to yield to Love to lead us into healing. If we do not apply these principles the knowledge of this books counsel, we will continue to feel a year in a year out in a state of rejection.

Rejection begets rejection; a cold heart or a wounded heart projects this to others and invariably repels others which in return lock us back in rejection another year in another year out.

Jesus, enable me to walk in the wisdom and knowledge of Your counsel written in this book. I yield my heart a fresh and new to walk in 68

love. Amen.

Healing comes from looking within not at the rejecter. If we were diagnosed with a critical illness, our outlook would change dramatically.

Consider then rejection as a way of life that is harmful to our health. So life needs to begin again, take the way of Love, His Way, Truth and Life, and let go and let Love, love you and show love in every circumstance, let the liquid love come over you for it is only in His Love that we will be able to love, so do not be concerned that it is a striving or a face or a mask you have to wear. Not at all you and I cannot love with Love loving from us without the anointing of Love to love. ________________________________________________________ The Battlefield Is The Mind ________________________________________________________ It is here where we need healing so the shift of perception can come to life. Our mindsets need to change, need to be renewed, so we will have to actively create our new mindsets no matter how real rejection is active against us.

Rejection will always be sin structures within people and within those who want to make their own choices. Lower your expectation of people in the Church. People will always let us down even if they are not willfully rejecting us. Under their smile hides brokenness, under their Title hides struggles, under their spiritual veneer hides self and don’t forget when the rubber hits the road we all have the right of choice.

The wounded me, myself and I think we’re less important when someone rejects us. The mind has a choice right here, do I battle this out in the ego, in me myself and I, in the wounded so called ‘less important self,’ or do I go to the Spirit to Love to love my ‘rejector’, to love my neighbor, to love my enemy to love myself to love my Lord.

Yes, thoughts manifest feelings, feelings manifest actions, actions manifest pain. Let Love manifest and love will manifest the experience. We have built a habit of feeling rejected, so we renew our habit to love.

Sooner or later love will become a way of life; love will come from the head to the heart, and love will marry up with Love to love.

Therefore, in time rejections sting won’t pain so bad for each experience is surrendered to Love and Love is Him, who first loved us.

We can become the women and men of love for we have the potential, we have Loves image, and we have Love. A vessel of love is a vessel that helps Jesus be the Jesus within us; we help Love love, we help Love be Himself to cause His Kingdom come His will be done on earth as it is in heaven and in return we are loved. There are going to be many 69

homosexuals coming in the church who need your love and consistent love regardless if you find them irritating or the type you were not attracted to.

Love is liberty; love is freedom, love is of the mind of Christ, and love is the life of a king and priest. Life is so much more with love; life is not dependent upon someone’s rejection of us, life stops when we yield to rejections sting. The key is a decision to love and let Love, let the greatest Love love us and let the greatest key heal us, and let us love others as Christ loved and loves us.

At each onset of rejection Jesus cares about us both at that moment.

When we choose love and not self-love’s of what about me myself and I, we allow a demonstration of Love and we encounter love, we encounter Jesus. We now get to see the situation from Love’s viewpoint. We enter into love, enter into love’s understanding, love’s presence, receptive of Love and love comes a way of life we feel at home with. ________________________________________________________ Your Image Through The Fathers Eyes ________________________________________________________ Jesus and God loves you and only they have the power and authority to tell you who you are, your identity and your destiny. Not someone who rejects your presence or your friendship or you as a relative; or passes you by to prefer to speak to someone else, or who talks to you one Sunday and blatantly ignores you the next or who always cuts you off in the women’s group; or who no longer wants to employ you; or to speak to you, or befriend you; or continue to be your friend.

Jesus is Able to give you sincere friends who will build you up, who will accept you and encourage you and He is able to give you a new job if that’s what you need. He will build your character and bring you closer and more aware of Himself and The Father and to walk in Love. He can and will ordain friendships for you if you let Him. He will give you a heart to change the things you cannot change and the strength to follow it through.

He is able to develop you into a fun person and give you a sense of humor, and He will cause you to relax in other people’s company so as to be yourself without fear of rejection. Yielding to Love surely does cast out fear, and you will learn this as you commit to do what you read.

He is able to help you be a friend to others and give you friends and one who will be that special friend, who you can confide in and not be concerned about losing if you express your heart and emotions or past to.

One who you can be your raw self with, without fear of rejection and nonacceptance or loss, because you revealed yourself or expressed yourself or showed them your ‘sinful’ self, or your sinful past for remembering we are 70

sinners, walking in His grace.

In Jesus’ and the Fathers eyes you are beautiful, you were worth the death of His Son and Jesus Himself wanted to die that you may live. He loved you enough to die for you to save you. You are precious, beautiful and lovely, His beloved, and no matter about your past, or your size, age, sex, culture, your looks, fat or skinny or in between. He loves you; your beauty to Him is you, just you who you are. Not your looks, size, age, sex, personality type or gifting and talents. He loves you and accepts you because you are you an individual you are His, His son, His daughter, and His Beloved His possession.

He wants you to dwell in His love, be yourself, be free to be yourself, not letting others run your life by telling you who you should be or by how much you can input in a group, or by rejecting you, or how you should perform in their company or how your personality should be or how much you should hide the totality of who you are today and where you are at in Him today.

These messages rejection puts out are to be resisted. If you let Him love you, you will be aware of His presence in your life, moment my moment, hour by hour. He will be loving on you without you even realizing it, then you will realize it and want to dwell there at all times. He wants you to rest and relax in His love and acceptance of you ‘warts and all’ / ‘defects of character and all’ / ‘imperfections and all’ / ‘past and all’ / ‘present and all’ / ‘future and all’. He wants to let His love loose on you and flow through you to love you, talk to you, play with you, fellowship with you, beautify you, adorn you and exalt you with His love.

You were created in the image of God, and worth the death of His Son to give you life to give you love to give you acceptance to give you significance and value. You have significance in Christ; you are royalty, you have value in Christ you were born in the Kingdom for such a time as this, you have acceptance, you are the son and daughter of The King, a royal King, you are royalty living with a God, who knows you and knows how to love you and serve you, and do and be for you. What was that serve you, yes serve you He loves you, loves you, loves you, loves you, loves you, and again, loves you.

You are with the Son, a friend who will stick by you closer than a brother.

“Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life.” (John 15:13) He will be your best friend, take Him today as your friend, your best buddy and pal.

Remember this song: “The years have left scars the scars have left pain, how could He 71

recognize me I wasn’t the same. I knew I should face; I knew the price for justice and law demanded my life. But His tender heart heard my desperate cry, and he saw my past through merciful eyes.

Beautiful that’s how mercy saw me; though I was broken and so lost, mercy looked at all my fault. The justice of God saw what I had done, but mercy saw me through the Son. Not what I was but what I could be, that’s how mercy saw me.

Wherever you’ve gone, you can’t go to far, that His eyes of mercy can’t see where you are. He loves you too much to leave you alone your flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. And His heart cries out for your heart to see, see yourself through His eyes then you will say, you will say, you’ll say sin has stolen my dignity and my self esteem, but I’ve been made brand new again when mercy looked at me.

Beautiful that’s how mercy saw me. Though I was broken and so lost, mercy looked at all my fault. The justice saw what I had done, but mercy saw me through the Son, not what I was but what I could be that how mercy saw me. Not what I was, but what I could be, that’s how Jesus saw me, saw me.” 2. [CeCe Winas] ____________________________________________________ We Were Created With Feelings Jesus Has Them ___________________________________________________________ Choose not to repress the feelings as if they never happened, so they don’t bottle up. They will express themselves somewhere else, or somehow else and cause sin and hurt to self and or someone else. And maybe that sin will be greater than the offense of the rejection.

Choose not to suppress them, so you don’t control your emotions.

Choose to be real.

Choose to remember we are flesh and do have emotions and get our feelings hurt it’s natural and as someone once said “it’s perfectly natural to be spiritual and it’s perfectly spiritual to be natural” We get honest before Jesus and confess our feelings, our anger, our disappointment about the incident knowing He is able to sympathize with my weakness and understand our emotions and pain. Yes, be honest and truthful with Jesus; confess your feeling to Him and then when you have gone through these feeling forgive the person.

Then look at yourself as who you are in Christ, your value, 72

significance, worth, security and identity. Prayer releases Jesus’ power into the circumstance, and your heart, He is not going to judge you for your perceived sin, He will comfort counsel your hurt. You open yourself up to the anointing, counsel and love of the Lord. If you retaliate to them wanting justice, retribution or an apology, you give power over to them to tell you who you are and what is your value, identity and worth. If you react you exalt yourself above them, hurt them or damage the relationship and the atmosphere in the home or workplace or church.

At each point of offense, you have a choice with your feelings. Do I block them, deny and bury them in the name of religion or I’m being healed, I’m not allowed, or I’m healed; I don’t want to open myself up again? Or it’s not spirituality correct; it’s sin to react to their behavior. I’ll get demons or the demons will come back, do I suppress the feelings or repress them.

Do I forgive the person their offenses? Do I get honest before Jesus and confess my feelings? Do I release my anger, my disappointment about the incident knowing He is Able to sympathize with our weakness and understand our emotions and pain? Yes, be honest and truthful with Jesus, confess your feeling to Him, feel them and then when able forgive the person, look at yourself as who you are in your own heart, who you are in Christ. See your value, significance, worth, security and identity.

There is no right or wrong feeling. Feelings exist; they are there for a reason, and as we know they are warning signals. Repressing feelings become hard to recognize if you continue to deny them their expression.

When we deny our feelings, they come out somewhere else. Like as depression, emptiness, and insecurity, overeating cold sores, ulcers, sore back, headaches, losing confidence, judgmental or whatever fruit we are familiar to acting out. It is not wrong to feel, especially because you think it is sin. This is a religious lie; feelings are natural, and we are given them for expression. It’s as natural to feel feelings, as it is to go to the toilet.

When you become disconnected with your feeling, you feel in pain, you become in pain within and your inner wo/man knows it oh, so well. So does your outer wo/man because your health reveals the symptoms of disconnection. Jesus knows and so do we know the familiar ways we disconnect to our feelings. He knows the ways we repress them, so we let Him have the ways we disconnect and repress them so we can express them in a ‘healthy’ way. And so we can express them because it is ok to have a feeling.

If we express them out of the boundaries of the Word, He will bring us to a knowing we have gone outside the boundaries, He will change the heart, but until such, express them, don’t stuff them down in the name of religion or its sin to feel, go and have a pee, it’s ok.

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To identify with your feeling at each onset of rejection or each memory of rejection and or abandonment, you can take an inventory of them. You can write them down to identify them before you decide to disconnect to them. Feelings and emotions give you information, information that needs to be processed so you can learn how to effectively process them to change your habits, sin structures and your life. Don’t forget to ask Jesus into help you identify them if you want to write up an inventory.

Feelings are necessary, but out of control can have a chain reaction on others and self, so stay within your conscience. Quickly do a flash prayer to call on Jesus in the midst of them. Also, when they are coming up and out of a broken spirit or a wounded soul and are coming up in judgment and retaliation our reason does not operate with clarity. Be aware our perception will be distorted in accordance with our brokenness. On the sea of healing Jesus needs to be invited in at every onset of rejection, we perceive, even if we are mad with Him or His Spirit or The Father, they know our weakness they are for us, not against us.

Feelings that are allowed to fester for long lengths of time will bring forth pain to the soul; and keep sin structures and demons fortified. This is not to say we cannot feel, but if we store feelings and do not work through them they can become stored for years.

Consider the anger stored can form resentment, and suppressed anger can bring depression. The feeling of anger not discerned and worked through can come up years later over a tiny incident that triggered the memory of that stored circumstances feeling of anger.

Anger is a natural expression, we are allowed to get angry, but as we know it is what we do whilst angry. If we let the sun go down on our anger by bottling it and don’t send it to Jesus and talk to Him about it to work through it, we can guarantee it will come out in forms of sin and iniquity like tantrums, teasing, bereavement, suspicion, even murder or murderous thoughts, sadism, violence, depression, even sarcasm or even over years a cynical or critical and even a sick sense of humor.

Most anger is when our soul condemns to judgment, or in other words we engage in god playing. We have judged the person and circumstance that has not agreed with our expectations. Anger rises and we start to declare the punishment is appropriate for their acts; we set ourselves up as God and Judge; we become god players, goddess Kath or god Keith has taken the throne and scepter off of God, and it’s my kingdom come my will be done.

I am not saying here don’t get angry you don’t have a right, but revealing what is such a familiar action of the heart with most of us. A 74

response that when we realize what and why we are doing it, it will take away the ferocity of anger and anger will not get to run its full course of its rotten fruit we eat and regurgitate. It’s not the anger that is the sin; it’s the sins we commit in our anger that needs to be recognized and brought to death by The Holy Spirit.

Do we know that our condemning judgment of someone can take away divine retribution “Justice is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.”

(Romans 12:9) or “Judge not that you be not judged.” (Matthew 7:1) But lighten up, we are on the pathway of healing and being in the pit of rejection we are bound in sin structures. Especially condemning judgment of others and we don’t realize we are often taking God’s role of judgment off of Him. Take some time to look up and reflect on these scriptures James 4:11-12, Romans 14:4, 13, 1 Corinthians 4:5, you will be able to rest in this truth.

A heart of judgment within us can be brought to death if we surrender it to Jesus. He will covenant us to change our hearts desire where it demands retribution. He will teach and train as we come into agreement to have our natural desire to judge and condemn brought to death.

Even if we are locked in the courtroom of self-condemnation, we can leave all judgment to God. Remember, He brings a palatable, sweet conviction never feelings of condemnation. If you are intensely under condemnation, you can be guaranteed the demons have some grounds here. If you are ignorant of Scripture that Satan and demons have no longer any right to come before the throne in Heaven and especially to condemn and accuse they remain. Why can’t they no longer enter heaven, because they were cast to the earth and the heavens reconciled from their rebellion by the blood on the mercy seat. If you don’t know this you will accept condemnation as a ‘norm’ from the demons/spirits, when they are not allowed to act in such ways anymore, only you believing they can they do and will continue, when the very net they have had you in is to catch themselves and then to “pluck them out of their dwelling place and uproot them from the land of the living” is the next move against them.

To add spirits of Divination, have their doors in occult and witchcraft practices, we may have engaged in believing to be God ordained like iridology and reflexology or new age exercises and so on. To add if you are under the church that is not operating according to the Biblical pattern of a Prophet/tess who wills to give a prophecy to all new comers, or who is always prophesying and controlling and abusive towards their flock divination is at work with witchcraft and religious control spirits.

Divination is a spirit of bondage a Jezebel spirit and with an antichrist spirit of abuse. Praying through the Cleansing Manual will uproot Divination and ask for discernment to be given if you have opened the door to any of 75

these spirits. They bring forth condemnation to the max, guilt, blame, selfhatred to add religious and legalist spirits condemn, but not to the measure divination does he will take you into a court room have abused and sentenced. Divination takes you into their courtroom to condemn you to torment.

I encourage you to go forth to receive your covenant inheritance from condemnation. If you don’t believe Christians can have demons, the CD’s for this ministry teach on this doctrine; I exhort you to humble yourself as one being taught if you are adamant that Christians cannot have demons to allow The Holy Spirit to give you fresh manner. __________________________________________________ Triggers __________________________________________________ Thoughts trigger feeling and feelings trigger actions. As the Word writes it; “as a man thinks in his heart so he is” (Proverbs 23:7) and reminds us, the battlefield is the mind.

So as a woman or man thinks in her or his mind so she, or he feels.

Feelings then are ‘direct’ result to our thoughts. In other words, no thoughts of rejection no feelings of rejection. This is not a recommendation for you to stuff down your true feeling, just an explanation to simplify the principle.

However, there will come a day in your healing that when a person rejects you real or not, your feelings will not trigger off your familiar feelings and actions. Feelings in the rejection will be nowhere intense or overwhelming as they are today, most times they will not even surface.

So let’s go back, feelings are the direct results of thoughts. So, when you think you have been rejected you will automatically feel your familiar feelings/emotions. Even if the rejection is wrongly perceived and or thought, you will also automatically feel your familiar emotions and then you will act the feeling out in whatever habit you are accustomed to.

This same principle applies with lust; if you see someone ‘sexy’ your thoughts have to seed lust before feelings are active. No thoughts of lust no feelings. I’m sure it is a myth that men are visual; men are geared that way, I believe these are lies from the enemy to retain and remain fortified and or in the hope to fortify more so they keep these arrows of lies shooting at the mind; also the flesh’s excuse to keep unsanctified lusts of the flesh from being sanctified.

Covenant keeps any man or woman dead to lust in all its forms. The Holy Spirit’s power is more than able to bring any person especially a man 76

to a place where ‘sexy’ women do not move him to lust in any form. Most times if you are moved then your mind is thinking too much about sex. Now even in the natural there may be times when your mind is not dwelling on sex lust and beauty, and you may get a quick ‘buzz’ it goes no further than just a ‘buzz.’ He is able to keep you dead to sin, and your mind is able to take its thoughts captive and realize the buzz. This is one reason why we are to think on those things that are of good repute.

Now this is where the healing process can begin by understanding this principle. This is where we start to be conscience to distinguish thoughts between feelings. Because if you recognize the thoughts you marry up to the rejection you will eventually be able to change the way you think and feel.

Hence, the way you will act out the feelings. Don’t stop thinking or feeling or acting because you have to recognize what you are doing. It is in this you are to recognize what triggers are at work to cause you to remain in bondage.

Now, if your thoughts are saying “That’s not fair he rejects me like that.”

“They ought to know better.”

“See nobody likes me.”

“There goes another opportunity of friendship.”

“I’m such a reject.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me to get rejected like this?”

“I’m a really nice person if they got time to know me.”

“I would make a good friend.”

“Yes but I know they like me, and I know they can love me in the love of the Lord. But, I’ve been in this church for a year. I’ve been in this prayer group for months and meeting every first Saturday of the month for years. But, they don’t invite me out when they get together or for special occasions they have together. And I know anyone can love someone in the love of the Lord, it’s not his or her love, and it’s just a superficial love. It’s the real love of The Spirit within manifesting, and He is Love. Anyway, it’s not their love; otherwise they would involve me in outings, or invite me for coffee, or their celebrations they hold in the church I. They would invite me for a Sabbath meal, to their weekend always for teaching, trips to another city to see a speaker or ministry events. They would even ask me over for coffee or lunch or dinner once in a while. So do they really like me? Do they really want my friendship?” “No” So up will come your familiar feeling(s) when you think these ways.

Now remember, ask Jesus for help in this process, but continue to be 77

your real self before Him – ‘have a pee, it’s natural to feel’.

Now to see how this works.

Your thoughts bring on feelings.

“I perceive rejection – I’m so different I don’t fit in” “I think she/he is rejecting me – see nobody likes me” “I believe he/she rejected me – I’m such a reject” “I know she/he rejected me – he/she should have known better” “I wonder was that rejection – there goes another opportunity of friendship” “I know; she has rejected me again” “I know they don’t really want my friendship or company other than Sunday at church, at the Saturday meeting and the prayer group and even there they often pass me by to go and fellowship with someone other than me. I’ve been there for so long. And I know I will to follow Jesus, I bear fruit; I’m not the bisexual/homosexual I used to be; it’s been ten years, I want to follow Jesus. And I know I’m an ok person, I’m interesting and understanding and would be a nice friend to have, even a good acquaintance’.”

Therefore; “I feel angry” “I feel hurt” “I feel sad” “I feel unlovable” “I feel humorous – false joy” “I feel empty” “I feel numb and sleepy” ‘Hence, feelings bring on actions’ “I’m going to tell you off and I’m going to criticize her to God and others” “I’m going to confront your rejection” “I’m going to backhand you” “I’m going to manipulate/control you” “I’m going inside myself and harden my heart” “I’m going to eat, have another coffee” “I’m going to stop serving God, but better still stop going to that church, meeting and the prayer group. I’ll find friendship somewhere else, I’ll start again and tell no one who and what I once was” Now remember, without the thought of rejection the feeling or feelings will not surface. It is your ultimate goal at any onset of perceived or obvious rejection to not take it to heart. Recognize it, but not to take it 78

to heart. Not to take the seed and water it, tend it, cultivate it and then eat it. “As a woman and man thinks in her and his heart so she and he is.”

Why will you be able to do this?

Because you will learn keys, so you do not take rejection to heart.

Your mind will be renewed, because you are going to be established on the love and acceptance of God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit.

Further, you are going to be renewed and established in your own view of yourself.

Also, you will realize and understand people will always reject people, no matter who you are or what their name, title, gender or personality type is. Rejection will always be with us. The sinful nature does not disappear, as humans we are sinful by nature and choose the kingdom of self than the kingdom of God quite often.

Also, you will know many people are more ‘me’ ‘myself’ and ‘I’ orientated than others orientated. They live by ‘I have choices’ and not everyone wills to walk ‘In The Spirit’ and after the ways and instructions in the Word.

Now you will learn to live with less of me, and more of Jesus; discerning Him at work through you for you to lay down your life for others.

But for overcoming we need keys to get out of our rejection. The following information is some keys as guidelines. I’ve have taken this principle (thoughts produce feelings, feelings produce actions) and ideas (replaced thought, feeling and action) from a secular book. I think it is one of Dr Suzan Forwards Books to which I no longer have, and I have rearranged them to suit our Christian walk, so this technique of overcoming is not my own idea. 3. [Forward, 1987] Now back to using keys and applying this technique to overcome.

Firstly, we are to make a conscience discernment what is the thought we have when rejected? Secondly what is the feeling associated to the thought. Thirdly how do we act out those feelings – what is the action we go into? We will discern there are many actions, feeling and thoughts we have a habit of doing.

After we are familiar with distinguishing thoughts to the feeling then to actions, we start to interrupt the thoughts and the feelings and the actions.

How do you interrupt the thoughts? By choosing to replace them 79

with the renewed thoughts.

Discerned thought: “I perceive rejection, because I’m so different; I don’t fit in.”

Replaced thought for renewal of the mind: “I’m not different; I do fit in; I am fearfully and wonderfully made. No, the enemy wiles to ensnare me again.”

Familiar feeling: angry.

Replaced feeling: sympathy towards them (ask for this in prayer).

Familiar action: “I’m going to tell her off and enter into criticism.”

Replaced action: pray for help not to act or intertwine with anger, then consciously resist going to tell her off and enter into criticism. If you discern you are pressed by demons, address them verbally. “Devil I resist your will.

I resist your presence. I do not want your action. I don’t want your anger; I don’t want your will of criticism.” It is not Biblical or wise to call demons names or to curse them. Just the simplicity of resisting their will and presence and denouncing their works against you is sufficient. Then tell them to take in up with Jesus, call on Him and pay no more attention to them, Jesus will be defending you, He will cause them to flee.

To add, discernment in these early days from the Spirit of Jesus is necessary especially if you have decided to let anger’s sting be brought to death by checking within your spirit if your perceived anger is from your own soul. You may be experiencing superficial anger; it seems real, but it is not your soul's anger, it is a demon's anger, so don’t intertwine in it. Just submit to God then do as mentioned above. When we have opened the door for the spirit of anger, rage or hostility, they will manifest and produce the same atmosphere as your soul and body do when you are in anger. If you discern the anger is not your true feeling, not I but superficial, belonging to a demon, do not intertwine with it. Disown the anger and pray for help, call on Jesus out loud or in your mind, tell Him you will not enter into your familiar feelings any more of anger. Jesus will come in like a flood and bow down the demons and anoint your spirit with His fruit of The Spirit to escape and or provide the way out of the temptation.

Address them also if it will help arrest your soul. Not by criticizing them or usurping them “even the archangel Michael did not bring a charge against them but said The Lord Jesus Christ rebuke you. Just address them in simple words, “Devil I resist your will.” “Devil I resist your presence.” “I resist your anger and your will for me to be angry.” “I resist your will as well to tell her off and your will to enter into criticism, get behind me, take it up with Jesus, He is my defense.”

By doing this and calling on Jesus, He will covenantally cut the spirit 80

or any others off in their wickedness; bow it or them down to enable you to continue with your replaced thought, feeling and action. Jesus will also manifest within you His fruit of the Spirit so you can continue to be sympathetic or whatever replaced feeling you have chosen. Here you can be conscious to listen to what is coming up and out of your spirit person than your soul man and the atmosphere you sense around you.

Discerned thought: “I think he/she just rejected me. See nobody likes me,” remember your self-accusatory thoughts need to be replaced, as well.

You will feel less hurt when you interrupt your thoughts, especially if you verbalize words against them.

Replaced thought for renewal of the mind: “no mind, people do like you, and deep in your heart you know it. And your sense of self worth does not come from this person. You have value and worth. Yes, people do like me, its ok” Familiar feeling: “I feel hurt.” Remember your senses respond to how you feel.

Replaced feeling: tender, warm, and sensitive. Remember this, you do not have to feel different before you act differently. We can apply this by ‘walking by faith and not feeling.’ We also intertwine with the fruit of the spirit that will begin to manifest from the comforter. He knows your will to want to overcome, so He will be there in manifest. If you are bonded with not allowing anyone or the Holy Spirit to comfort you, pray and invite Jesus in to break down these walls so the Holy Spirit can do His ministry, so He can be Himself, the comforter, He won’t be judging your sin structures, but focusing on helping you overcome, He will be willing delighted to comfort you.

Familiar action: “I’m going to confront your rejection.”

Replaced action: pray for help to not act out or intertwine with the hurt.

Then make the choice. Resist confronting her/him with any accusation of rejection. Don’t speak any words or body language of you rejected me. Pray for help listen to what is coming out of your spirit man than your soul man.

And think it out, you are valuable, beautiful, you know you have worth, it’s not found in this person, and it’s ok. Remember knowledge is not enough; you have to act to change your behavioral thoughts and actions. Knowing also the Holy Spirit will manifest is not enough, you have to intertwine with Him, come in agreement with the Holy Spirit and out of the agreement with the soul. It’s the anointing that breaks the yoke. Jesus is the ‘bondage breaker’ we do not do it alone we let Him in to help; He is ‘The Changing One’. Recall the old saying, “actions speak louder than words.” Without doing the replaced suggestion, no change will occur. We cannot change through intellectual knowledge alone; the information has to be put into actions.

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__________________________________ Discerned thought: “I believe she/he rejected me. I’m such a reject” When you are used to condemn yourself, punishing yourself, blaming yourself or being hard on yourself you are seeing another stronghold of the mind at work. In addition, another work of darkness that works against your soul, these self-denigrating statements also need to be replaced.

Acknowledge to yourself: “No I am not a reject.” “It is not my fault.” “No, there is not something wrong with me” “I am a beautiful creation” “I’m captivating.” “I am fearfully and wonderfully made, desirable.” “I am accepted in the beloved and loved greatly by my God.” Replaced thought for renewal of the mind: “No, I choose to believe and receive she/he is rejecting me.” When you begin, to make a conscious recognition that you have chosen to believe you are being rejected its starts to desensitize your feelings.

The reality is people are going to reject us, pass us by, but we don’t have to take it to heart. We do not have to take it on board as it’s our fault or even it’s their fault.

Not only are we on the pathway of healing to overcome rejection, but also we are overcoming those who reject us, and they reject others too. Listen again we are overcoming those who reject us.

She rejects; he rejects, they reject and we reject unknowingly. It’s a reality, like the poor, they will always be with us; rejection will always be an act of human nature in all degrees. The more we live in the Spirit, the more we do not reject others or unknowingly reject others because this is not the will of God to reject anyone for any reason.

We will come to a place of strength, security, and significance and worth that when someone rejects us it does not matter; we will be established and founded in Love. We will understand, see it and understand it from all angles and move on. We will have developed a walk in the Spirit, an intertwining in His presence, a discerning of His counsel and follow what is coming up and out of our spirit than our mind or the works of darkness.

We will see it as people have choices and not take offense. Just like there are three supermarkets in town, and we choose to shop at just one not all three. We choose to shop somewhere out of town. It can be simply a choice a person makes, not pure rejection personally against us. It can be simply a person who lives out of me, myself and I, the kingdom of self.

It could be they are bound in people pleasing to those in authority those in positions, so they pass us by fulfilling a need in themselves other than pure rejection of us. Most times there are reasons within people other than pure 82

rejection of us in other words “they got junk in their lives” My Church had a stronghold of rejection and offense, fortified by these strongmen in the air over the Church. Therefore, when I was struggling in rejection, I wanted to leave often and go somewhere that did not have so many casualties with the wounds of rejection. But I end up yielding to use every real and perceived rejection to move me further on in the healing. And as a Spirit Warrior, I long to see this stronghold brought down, so I stay and fight the good fight.

Now in our pathway of healing we will even get to the point to pray for a blessing for them. Because we will understand, we will be established in love; we will be intuitively walking in the Spirit’s counsel at each onset.

We will choose to discern the wisdom of the Lord, the knowledge of His ways, His love, acceptance, His covenant promises. We will choose to let the Holy Spirit absorb our feelings, our emotions and replace them with His fruit and we will intertwine with the manifestations of the Holy Spirit.

Familiar feeling: “I feel sad” Replaced feeling: mercy, compassionate & flexible.

Familiar action: “I’m going to backhand you. I’m going to hit you. I’m going to punch you.”

Replaced action: Pray for help to not act out or intertwine with your feeling. Then make the choice to resist your familiar action. Make the choice to not be physically abusive.

Say it so you can hear yourself, “I choose not to retaliate with abuse” This will change your attitude and interrupt your familiar response to backhand, hit or punch. Some strongholds need to be brought down with conscience replacement action, not just by thoughts within. Sometimes we have to be verbal to arrest our mind. “I choose not to retaliate with a backhand.” I choose not to retaliate with a hit.” I choose not to retaliate with a punch.” “I even choose not to punch the wall, throw the coffee cup.”

And continue to say it again and again “no, I choose not to retaliate with a backhand with any violence.”

Also sometimes when the familiar action is a strong habit, we have to give commands to our mind. “No soul you will not retaliate you will replace your familiar action with a new action. You will resist and call on Jesus for help.” “Jesus.” “You will choose life, not death.” “You will choose to be understanding, merciful and compassionate to this person.”

Neuron surgeons have found that the speech center and or verbal words send commands to the nervous system and to the parts of the body.

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Scripture writes the same thing. “The tongue is the rudder; the body is the ship.” This is why this principle works. You give your mind a command and its sends out messages to the body not to act or to act. Further, this addresses the conscience and the unconscious.

For an exercise say this to yourself a few times a day; “you’re a good girl.” “You’re a good boy.” And listen to your subconscious it sings with delight; you will feel the associated feeling that goes with that command.

This statement goes right back to childhood information lodged in the subconscience memory. This is equally true of the negative that has been loaded in the memory.

If that and this exercise trigger emotional responses that are painful, don’t do them. In this exercise tell yourself out loud next time you need to go to the toilet to hold your wee. Give the command to your mind verbally.

Then when your body has taken the command, and you hold your wee back, tell yourself you’re a good girl or you’re a good boy. You will discern this principle loud and clear.

In addition, you will be able to marry up this principle that thoughts bring on feelings and feelings bring on actions.

Discerned thought: “I know he/she rejected me. He/she should have known better.”

Replaced thought for renewal of the mind: “I am not going to allow his/her rejection to have anything to do with me.” “I am not taking the blame that there is something wrong with me.” “He/she is in the kingdom of self.” “He/she has choices that’s his/her choice, then that’s ok; I’m ok.”

“Jesus thank you, help me here to move on.”

Familiar feeling: “I feel unlovable.”

Replaced feeling: warm hearted. “I am lovable.” remember the replaced feeling comes with the replaced thought. Also, the fruit of the spirit comes into manifest to help you overcome. The fruit of love or gentleness will surface. So intertwine with the warm-heartedness, you sense from the Holy Spirit and from your replaced thought.

Familiar action: “I’m going to manipulate and control you.”

Replaced action: pray for help to not act out or intertwine with your familiar feelings. Then make the choice to resist your familiar action. Make the choice to not start to manipulate and control.

Try this mental exercise as a replaced action. Ask yourself these questions. And when answering them you can write them down and carry them around in your wallet or handbag so you can recall them at any onset 84

of rejection.

Do all people reject me? No. Do I have to receive their choice, as it’s a fault of my mine? No. Is this person having a bad day? Does it matter; my worth comes, not from them?

Is this person blaming me for something that belongs to them? Yes. Is this person mainly a person who walks after the flesh in me, myself and I, no matter how gifted spiritually they are? Yes. Write whatever questions suit your personality, circumstances or your headspace. This strategy will bring you into reality and out of your familiar habits.

Remember you will have to practice ‘replaced’ thoughts, feelings and action as a way of living before you see any change. Don’t give up early, don’t give in, don’t say this won’t work, it will. Don’t be concerned if your feeling and actions stay the same for a lot longer than you would like them to. Don’t start and then stop or forget these keys, just keep applying these principles that suit your personality. The habit has to break. Also make up your own replaced thought, feeling and action to overcome. You will find heaps of replaced thoughts, feelings and actions from this book. Take some time to find what suits your personality. And ask Jesus, He knows you better than yourself. He will enlighten you in a practical way to use what suits your individual self. _________________________________ Discerned thought: “I wonder was that rejection – oh well, there goes another opportunity for friendship.”

Replaced thought for renewal of the mind: “that’s ok; I’m lovable, a joy to have around, I’m talented, I’m nice, and I am accepted by some others and my God. I’m not friendless; other people like me and I have two friends. It’s ok; people are allowed to have choices. My God is with me; He cares, He loves me, and I know some other people do too. And it’s ok; they’re just not there yet in a walk of the Spirit. And just like some like horse riding and some don’t. Some like the beach, and some don’t. Some love camping and some don’t. Some like raw fish and some don’t or some like meat, and some choose vegetarian. They can have their choice in friendships, acquaintances and those to talk to, and not everyone walks in the will of the Spirit anyway, not everyone is sensitive to others pain.

Familiar feeling: “I feel humorous – false joy Replaced feeling: “tolerance, I’ll submit to good grace and accept her/him.” “I’ll give her/him another chance.” “I’ll ask for new eyes to see her/him.” “I’ll ask for a compassionate and merciful spirit; I’ll go to love.”

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Remember we want to diminish the power of our old feeling.

Thoughts bring on feelings. We are not to deny our feeling, or cover them up, or stuff them down or deny them. We are having a renewal of the mind with truth. We are learning new techniques to break habits. We are taking back the ground the enemy has had over us for years and years. We are dislodging lies and deceptions, negative images of ourselves. We are renewing our minds. Because we are beautiful; created in the image of God; accepted in the beloved our Jesus; fearfully and wonderfully made; we are captivating; we are beautiful; we are ok people, more than ok; we are lovable; likable people; and we are worthy of friendships.

Familiar action: “I’m going inside myself and going to harden my heart and give up on trying to connect with her.”

Replaced action: Pray for help to not act out or intertwine with your familiar feeling. Then make the choice to resist your familiar action. Make the choice not to go inside yourself, or harden your heart, or swallow your tears, or give up on trying to connect with her or anyone else. Recall we are coming up and out of a rejected heart, a wounded spirit and a devalued opinion of ourselves. So we have to make different choices. Press in and run this race.

We have to start to know our sense of self-worth does not come from someone’s assessment of us to reject us or pass us by or not respond to our hug or touch or not want our input. It is not the most important thing in the Christian life to have everyone evaluate us as popular, or to be loved by every Christian in the Church. This is a false reality, and a false hope.

The truth is every Christian is not going to see us as a friend they just have to have, or ‘the best thing since sliced bread.’ There will always be ‘different strokes for different folks.’ There will always be people who walk around in me myself, and I, their kingdom of self will come first. And people and we, all have some type of baggage we carry around; sin structures that need to be brought to death, habits that need to die and be replaced, and strongholds that need to be demolished. Mindsets renewed so we can walk in kingdom ways and out of the kingdom of self, ourselves ways. Think about it, if you were at a level of maturity of walking as Jesus would there still not be some people who would prefer not to get ‘friendly’ with you?

Yes, He was rejected and despised, but He went about doing good, and being the vessel of healing and setting captives free from the works of darkness. This is the ultimate of our life; to deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow him, surrender the self-rule. It is from here we will not be wounded when someone passes us by or prefers someone else to our company or blatantly won’t listen or blatantly rejects us. Why? Because we will be the vessel in the hands of the King to do well, bring about healing, set captives free, to love those who are on the pathway of healing of the wounds of rejection. People won’t pass us by when we are like this anyway.

There will be many like-minded people we will click with and become friends 86

with.

We all are imperfect in an imperfect world, and the church is no different, there are people in it who choose to live the ‘me’ ‘myself’ and ‘I’ they may be obedient in some areas of their life but not in other different areas of their lives. And consider, we are no different; we do this as well, we even reject knowingly and unknowingly; think about it; we are with the members in the church who run by the ‘me’ ‘myself’ and ‘I’ way of living; we disobey His principles of living. No, ‘yes but’ we have sin structures like everyone else and choose to disobey love of the brethren and acceptance of the beloved and love your neighbor as yourself and think more highly of others than ourselves and not to mention other rebellious ways we have.

We need to leave the works of the flesh as much as they do. When we move past this, we become a vessel in the master’s hand to walk in the principles and instructions of the Word, in the law of the Spirit, in the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus.

Remember as a woman or man thinks in her or his heart so she or he is and these old thought and action patterns turn back up. We have to consciously choose to continue to replace them until they hold no power over us. We have to renew our mind, so the old has no longer any preeminence over the new. We have to replace so this objectionable thinking is no longer a way of life. Because we are up against strongholds that have a life of their own, and they need to die; they need to be brought to death by the Holy Spirit and we need to partner Him in agreement for this to happen.

We are up against strongholds of negative self-evaluation, other people’s evaluation and sins against us, childhood and life’s imprinting and very fortified by demonic activity, broken assignments and strongholds.

Negative input with rejection has colored our minds for so long; therefore, it has become part of a cognitive reaction because of the mindsets associated with the negativity and rejection. The mindsets have to be renewed, replaced with truth, and replaced with new information so we can be set free to walk in the freedom of the kingdoms mindsets.

We belong to Christ, children of The King, Princes and Princess’s. If our character repels people, so we need sanctifying, Jesus is at work. He will change the defects of character, as we are willing to submit them and agree for change. But, we don’t view ourselves by character defects or personality types. Because we are beautiful people, fearfully and wonderfully made, lovable, delightful, acceptable, interesting, likable, loved and have had throughout the years many a friend. And even if at present we only have one friend it is a friend, and think about it, in reality people do like us, but circumstances just do not prevail at present for a lot of people to want our acquaintance or intimate friendship.

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_________________________________ Discerned thought: “I know she/he has rejected me again” Replaced thoughts: “I am not dependent upon this person to meet my needs.” “I am going to confront my views of rejection straight in the face.”

“I refuse to walk around all my life in rejection mode.”

“If she does not want to connect with me, that’s her choice; I’m ok.” “I’m more than ok, I have worth, and I have value.”

“I am not swinging back between, I’m rejected again, there is something wrong with me. No, I’m ok, I’m unique.” “No, I am moving on I am ok, I’m interesting” “I have worth value and significance.” “She has a choice, I am not dependent upon this person to meet my needs and make me whole.”

“I am not taking responsibility for this person’s behavior.” I am not giving this person or the devil power to tell me who I am.” “I’m ok, and I am even more than ok, I am worthwhile, and I am worthwhile friend.” “I am me.”

Remember you are confronting headspace programming, which needs to be deleted. So we push the delete key on the old thoughts. We put in new information and then click on save. We will have to put that information back in again and again, then push save again until we have the new thoughts rewritten in our memory so we can print it out, live it out, walk out of the new thoughts. “I am desirable, beauty, lovely, interesting, I am Kath.

Familiar feeling: “I feel empty and insensitive.”

Replaced feeling: Long sufferance.

We do not need to let anyone’s opinion of us control our feelings.

Neither do we knowingly or unknowingly let people nor demons define how we should think, feel or act.

We are not to see ourselves as victims of rejection; neither are we a ‘victim’. “We can do all things in Christ who strengthen us.” We belong to Jesus, if only we knew the charisma we possess, and see what we are capable of if we let Jesus do the work in us, we would not be concerned if the Queen rejected us.

If we live in a victim mentality, we will stay there and not be delivered from any of our destructions. The low self-image has to go to Jesus. The mind has to be renewed. All this I’m a such and such, I’m rejected because I’m such a … has to go. It’s time to stop permitting these thoughts to rule.

All self-reproach has to be surrendered to be brought to death by “the lifter of our heads, Jesus.”

Familiar action: “I’m going to eat, have another coffee - drink another 88

wine, have another beer – offer some incense to my lungs - smoke.”

Replaced action: Pray for help to not act our or intertwine with your familiar action. Then make the choice to not act out your familiar action depending on the power of God to help you. There is no power other than God’s power to deliver you from the fridge or the jug. But you have to ask for Him to anoint you to fill up your emptiness up with Himself, and He will.

Resist in your mind the temptation to follow through to eat and have another coffee intertwining in the anointing that has replaced these false securities.

If you are bound in self-condemnation and or self-reproach in rejection and you’re always hard on yourself because it’s your inadequacies that caused someone to reject you; He can and will deliver you from this destruction of guilt.

Feeling guilty is basically your own desire to punish yourself for your shortfalls. This place belongs to God and God alone. Remember “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.” Our shortfalls, character defects, God put all the guilt upon Jesus when He was crucified for our sins. God found us guilty, and the penalty of sin/guilt was death, and this is what Jesus received death for all guilt.

Guilt is a natural inbuilt feeling; if we did not feel guilt we would not ask for forgiveness of sins or know that we have broken out of the boundaries of God’s laws, His righteous instructions on how to live. But to condemn and judge ourselves we take the position that belongs to Him. He is the one who leads us to repentance; He is the one who convicts, who does not bring condemnation.

Let God be God, invite Him in to replace your self-condemnation and self-reproach with His Word of truth, His beauty of conviction and blessed assurance that, in Him, you have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of guilt. Allow Him to bring this to death, exchange your lowself image, your victim mentality, you're being hard on yourself with Calvary’s provision of “setting all captives free with the opening of the prison to those who are bound.” Allow Him to rescue you, you will not and cannot do it yourself.

Give up your god playing and let God be God, give up your laws you live by. Let God impart His true law of life in The Spirit the Life given by Christ Jesus, the dealt with guilt through the person and finished work of Jesus. Ask Him what are your laws you live by that do not marry up with His atonement. Ask Him why you are atoning for yourself, ask Him if there needs to be a discerned root of guilt as to why you are so self-condemning.

Ask Him to impart the message of the cross, the remembrance of The Lamb of God, who has made full and perfect atonement for sin and guilt. Ask Him 89

to cause you to receive this into your life, ask Him to deliver you from your kingdom to establish His Kingdom in you in this area. Amen. __________________________________________________ Suppressed Emotion __________________________________________________ Emotion suppressed is the strongest. Why? Because when we suppress our feelings they will make a life of their own to express themselves somewhere else.

Reflect on the life of Jesus, His life was prophesied for Him before He lived it (Isaiah 53:1-15). He was sent to suffer, sent to be despised and sent to be rejected sent to be “the wages of sin is death” sent not to be believed in “Who has believed our report?” (v1).

If we think of the hardness of hearts of people who reject us, Jesus came across time after time after time people who had hardness of heart towards the totality of His personhood. Not only was His message rejected but Him as a person and at times His sorrow could not bear with the pain that He “departed and hid Himself from them” (John 12:36) and wept over their rejection of Him. Suffering is a lesson in life, a learning curve that allows us not to receive the accolades of people or the praises of people but to find our praise to come from Yahweh the three in One. When we get beyond lamenting over ourselves “nobody likes me” we can identify with Jesus because He was exalted to the right hand of God to rule and reign. If we are walking towards ruling with Him to be considered one of those who will be honored to rule with Him in the next thousand years than rejection is a blessing and allows a deep work of the Spirit to bring to death the praise of men that we may not fall and only seek the praise of God and in essence spiritually maturing. ___________________________________________________________ Restoration Is A Process

While in the process of restoration, in your brokenness you will find it hard to believe truths and walk the way of the kingdom. Also in the truth of who you are, and how Jesus and The Father sees you will have depth only to what is written on your heart by His Holy Spirit.

You will often find yourself until healed delivered and restored taking offense, taking people the wrong way, believing they are referring to you if they make some general statement like “there is always someone in the church I just don’t like, that someone who just grates on my nerves,” or 90

you will ask “How are you today” and they answer “busy” so you take that as I have no time to talk to you, instead of literally they are busy.

You may still find yourself performing, acting out and wanting attention, recognition and needing to be liked, appreciated, valued and accepted. You will see your identity, value, worth, significance and approval only in how people treat you by their reactions, their behavior, and their mannerism and however you think they should be or should not be towards you. You will gauge it by how nice, kind, responsive, giving or caring or how criticizing, rude, sharp, hard or aggressive they are to you in the day.

Your value worth and acceptance will come usually from the former not the later. When they are ignoring you or little or unresponsive to you or sharp hard and rude, your image of yourself will be viewed from your brokenness and your unhealed rejection, also your insecurity, shame, abandonment false pride and the deception of rejection.

Unless you get ok message’s about yourself or approval or spoken to kindly all the time, or rewarded, or appreciated, or spoken to first ... good morning Tom ...good morning Jane your heart will tend to react out of its unhealed pain, out of shame, abandonment, rejection, pride, nobody likes me or desires or wants to keep my friendship and you will sense no self worth or acceptance.

You have not yet acted from the truth of the kingdom or the measure of renewal of the heart, the portion that which has been written on your heart from the restoration work of the Holy Spirit. The truth is your real identity, worth, significance, security and destiny in Christ is not birthed fully in your heart and you have not yet faced the reality that rejection is as much a part of life as sweating, eating food and drinking water.

Do you like all breeds of dogs or cats? No or course not. Do you like everyone you work with, meet, know or who is in your family? No of course not. Truth is we all have differences like certain breeds are hunting dogs, guard dogs, lap dogs or cattle dogs. Then this is the same for us, many will not like us as we all have different persona types and different likes and dislikes.

I came to the following conclusion personally for myself and have it posted on my notice board: “For far too long I have spent years and years in anger, grief and pain and not accepted my real self because I have been rejected and not accepted for who I am today or who I was yesterday.

When the reality is rejection is a much a part of life as sweating and the need to eat food.

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Therefore, I will accept this truth and I will stop wearing masks to be liked and to fit in. I will accept the truth that people reject as this reality exists in every community of people.”

You cannot help yourself “Who will deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:19, 2425) Will power is the kingdom of self; there is no other power other than God’s power to restore us from a lifestyle of rejection and its fruits. When we abandon our willpower, our strategies and give up and surrender we yield to salvation. The Savior and Healer and Deliver of our souls then can save us. We put ourselves in a position for Him to Covenant us, for His Kingdom to come, for His Kingdom to be put in our hands.

A walk of the Spirit is the ultimate goal on the pathway of restoration – this is spiritual maturity. Because we have encountered so much rejection, this furnishes a perfect opportunity for Jesus to have all self-rule, all intentions of recovering by self-rule. We are in a perfect place to walk towards a no more self-rule to surrender to the rule of God, surrender for His power to be perfected in our weakness.

After a lifetime with the pain of rejection we will find it difficult to die to self. We will be expecting and even demanding popularity, friendships and total acceptance straight away.

But the Kingdom’s way is Jesus must take up full residence in the broken heart of rejection. A change and direction of heart must take place, so that when rejection comes, and it will, it does not hurt or bear any fruit.

Unless self continues to die, unless self is taken out of the center of our world, with all its expectancies Jesus is dead to us.

But when Jesus is allowed to live in us, our self-takes our covenant position as servant and Jesus is allowed to be King. We are anointed to trust He will work all things to our good pin point each brokenness to change our hearts. The ultimate is to be anointed to be vessels in our Kings hand to go about our Kings business and He will take care of our business.

Give It Up ________________________________________________________ Jesus’ encounter with the rich young ruler. This man kept the commandments perfectly. But when Jesus asked him to live under His rule, to cross over and do it His way, he wouldn’t do it. His heart was only willing for works of his flesh. He wanted to work out his salvation on his own terms.

To surrender his self-rule meant an end to living by his own salvation. This is when we are ready for maintaining our healing, when we put down me, myself and I, and our self-rule to walk by His rule, His terms, and His way 92

out of rejection we overcome. ________________________________________________________ Rejection Is Personal ________________________________________________________ Rejection from our parents has come as they themselves have emotional and mental turmoil that they may barely been able to maintain their own sanity, let alone provide a stable and loving and accepting home.

Therefore, your rejection was not intentional, or personal but behaviors manifesting out of their brokenness whilst they were coping with their own internal and external life. This is a truth for all those that are around us, no one not one person is totally stable, mature and having it all together.

Our parents may have behaved in ways towards us that have left us with rejection. Our parents may not have intended rejection but subtle ways were perceived as rejection in our hearts. Even when they obviously rejected us they were operating out of one of their ‘isms’ selfish – ‘ism’ or selfishness and from the brokenness of their own experiences of rejection.

The rejected heart works like this “you rejected me so I reject you.”

There has to come a time when we make the transition of no longer focusing our time and attention on “I’m always rejected” “Nobody likes me.” We have to move on and even have to move on pass even bringing up the subject all the time when we meet people.

“How have you been Kath?”

Well I’ve been struggling with the emotions of rejection again and sister so and so just walked straight past me, and sister so and so would not hug me because she knows I used to be gay!”

It’s like this “Oh there’s Kath, every time I see her she’s telling me about her rejection and no one hugging her because she used to be gay.”

“Kath is just so intense; she just can’t keep it simple; she’s hard work.”

We have to move on past the problem and living the problem to living out of the mindsets of the solutions written before us. We have the answers, so it's time to take a shift in our mentality. As a two/man thinks in her heart so she is, so is the atmosphere she/he creates in her heart.

These mindsets distract us from the process of healing and living out of healing. They hold us back and we do not grow so we will stay stunted.

If we do not take an onset of rejection as an opportunity for growth, we have to again consider a shift in our mentality. We have to get back to a 93

mindset that we are on the pathway of healing and a mindset to apply the solutions on how to overcome rejection and those who reject. ________________________________________________________ Lower Your Expectations ________________________________________________________ People will not be able to give you all the answers and they will counsel you according to their way and they will even believe they are good at how they counsel.

Some will counsel you without listening with The Holy Spirit and some will counsel you without listening to the real cry of your heart. Some will not be listening to what you are saying as they have a set way, a set solution to how they can ‘fix’ you or ease your pain. There are even those who will give you answers because they cannot discern you just want to be listened to and believed.

When we feel rejected it is a truth a real experience to our head and our heart, but we will come across those who say “do you really think they are rejecting you” or ‘I think you are paranoid” or whatever shadow they cast to think you have imagined it or say “no that cannot be true.”

Even if it is not true we believe it to be true and we have become hurt, maimed and pained by our perception so we will have to be understanding to their ways of counsel and give them some understanding so it does not increase our pain.

Many will not meet you where you are at in your pain so we need to pinpoint what it is that triggered the hurt of rejection again to work it through. I can get wrecked by rejection for days when I am accepted then blatantly ignored, because I believe I am punished as I have not performed and or fallen short out of my flaws and faults.

When I feel punished with the weapon of rejection either true or false, to me it’s like I am purposely built up and then put back in a boundary, “get back in you place girl,” “get back in your box Coco.” True or false or demonically fueled it is how I perceive my world.

My Mother used this weapon “if you do not be good I will not love you.” I recall when I’d be funny or loud or childish and silly she would put me down to shut me down yet this is the very face I still hide behind when I am wounded and the very face I hide behind most of the time to guard my heart from being wounded from rejection; but the truth is to ‘laugh it off’ does not stop the pain. Also it is the very face/mask/persona I go into to get attention when I am being ignored but I realize I am just annoying and adding to the fire of rejection as these faces cause people to reject me 94

even more.

Not only that but this does not allow me to be the real me and it literally blocks my mind from its potential and capabilities and from becoming the woman He has called me to be and even the creative intelligent woman I am who He created me to be.

My Mother used rejection as a weapon to make me behave and also so I did not disturb her peace; I recall she would give in just to keep the peace with Dad and my other sisters. So when I am accepted and then blatantly ignored or not given the same attention as those around me (like my sisters got) I‘ve become wrecked with rejection for days.

I now know this pain is from my formative years so when the women at work say goodbye to everyone else and ignore me or when I say goodbye to them and they do not say goodbye back or when they are talking amongst themselves at the end of the day and you look them directly in the face to say goodbye and they ignore me it can still trigger the sting of rejection that wrecks me for days.

I then think I am less significant than others and I am in the chain of the pecking order and favor order – just like the six bigger sisters I had above me. I then think it’s because I’d done something wrong so they are punishing me for not conforming to the rules of the shop and I think they only conditionally respond to me when it serves a purpose to them.

True or false this is where my mind still goes back to the old messages of the past as restoration has not been completed in this wound, but I am going to overcome this and they can ignore me all they like and respond as little as they will in whatever way throughout the day they like because I will overcome.

Truth is some of them like me and some do not and the truth is people are bad mannered and people do look out for the ‘me myself and I’ and are driven and or under the sway of darkness. Further there is a truth in the world and in the Church of treating others who are more significant with more favor than others and ignoring the ‘lesser’ one.

Further people want you to conform and or to conform you to their image and the idea of who you should be instead of who you are. Truth is people will not and do not accept you for who you are, they cannot and will no accept you for the sum total of you. That is your faults, flaws, strengths or character perfections, giftedness or talents or religious beliefs or gender or your ethnic background. It is a reality we have to face to maintain our individuality yet to be listening to our heart as we may be adding to the fire of rejection. Therefore, at every onset of rejection we pinpoint with The Holy Spirits light why we have gone into rejections fruits again.

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Restoration is a process and we will respond out of unhealed subconscious messages, we need to see that old message so it withers and dies completely so we cannot go back and listen to the sub-conscience. ______________________________________________________ Healing With Body Ministry ________________________________________________________ If you have a wounded spirit of not having ever felt truly loved this root will have offshoots that needs to be dealt with shoot by shoot by a process of healing. The root needs to be identified and healing balm allowed to be applied by inviting Him to bring you through a healing process. Pain hides in the subconscious and things trigger us in our process to go three steps backward when we have come seven steps forward.

I’ve triggered back to my childhood when I feel no love and acceptance from the people in the house of God yet I have known love and been loved before I came into the church. Even though I know the content of this book and have applied it, run with it and absorb it, healed by it, when it becomes so obvious that I am not loved or accepted for whatever reasons the flesh or the devil gives people I can become a fragmented mess and fall into depression.

So I have picked up a book “Sent to Heal A Handbook on Christian Healing” by Harold Taylor looking for keys to overcome this root that sometimes sends me into a decline that I can hardly talk or think straight, also I find myself not liking the institution of the church and the people in it.

The author speaks in chapter eight about Jesus healing the memories for the healing of the whole person and to ask Him to heal the hurt and remove the scars in the unconscious mind. The author suggests when we trigger off again to keep trusting Jesus for His healing power and thank Jesus that He was at work healing and to ask Him to continue to perfect the work He has begun.

H. Taylor offers the following teaching of a process for counselors for the healing of the memories with the involvement of The Holy Spirit directing this order and outworking of this method: [Please note words in the brackets following here are mine.]

“Verbally reaffirm your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

• In prayer counselor [or self] asks the Lord Jesus to bring to light the specific hurts and pains that surface [or as we understand the circumstance or the thought or the action that triggered us to go back into the pain of

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rejection.]

• The counselor [or if it is yourself and the Lord you recognize this] affirms Jesus unconditional love and His ability and desire to deal with the painful situation. He states the recognition that Jesus has lived and shared our humanity has identified with our pains and sorrows and looks through understanding eyes of sympathy and knows completely every person and situation so He is able to respond. Also He is Lord of time and space so His love is able to go back into our past as well as our present.

• To literally revisit the painful experience or relive it but this time with the knowledge Jesus is with us. These are done by imagining this and asking Jesus to bring His healing love to this deep hurt and to heal us of the wound and pain. [To this I experienced a vision of Jesus receiving me from the womb of my mother to say I was meant to be a girl and was born for a plan and purpose He had for my life.]

• To repent and renounce of any sinful attitudes and actions to what has surfaced i.e. unforgiveness, revenge resentment and anger. Jesus is asked to fill the void in our life with His love so we are able to experience the fullness of His Holy Spirit in our daily lives and to know Jesus love.

Recognizing that our basic need of life is for love and full healing cannot occur until we are given the love that was denied of us in our painful situations [I have asked Him to reinforce this basic need of love by His love in an ongoing way so my memories can take hold of His love as a replacement of parental love that I did not receive in my painful situations and to reveal how and where she loved me]. Also those of us who are accustomed to being without love do not know how to receive it so Jesus will minister and provide the specifics of love we did not have.

• The last step is maintaining our healing as we may fall back [I have purchased Joyce Meyer book “Managing Your Emotions” to move on in my healing as triggers will come as there are habits strongholds that need to be renewed and demolished – out with the old and in the new way of thinking].” 4. [Taylor, 2007] He writes there is a need for integration of our whole person with new attitudes and actions in growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Taylor recommends prayer Bible reading praise fellowship commitment to Jesus Christ as Lord and walking in forgiveness. He states with another author that forgiveness is the crux of healing the memories and also forgiving ourselves.

Now does this totally work for me at present I cannot see it working for me however I have by faith prayed and applied this process today (9 th

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June 2008) but it may work for me in time and some circumstance will tell.

I am personally stuck with the basic psychological need of literal love other than that of the Spirit of Love Himself as the God in three persons.

To me they are love and do love and will love me so my sense of a need of genuine love from the body of Christ my fellow humans keeps me feeling wounded as I feel this innate desire is not met.

The Lord tells me maybe I need to define what is my label or definition I have on love that tells me that people in the church love me, I might need a reality check. He says am I confused with the love of a lover and or partner or spouse than the reality of church brotherly and sisterly love?

Absolutely I am. Also am I comparing the love of Christ with the love of people and expecting them to love me unconditionally when in reality they are flawed human beings with strongholds sin structures and the rights of choices of their own to befriend or take notice of others in the church?

Absolutely I am. Now I am processing my pain, now I feel I am getting somewhere that computes with my ‘head space’ my individuality.

However, this does not take away the rejection in the womb, the rejection of my female gender when born and throughout childhood or the performance put upon me so as to receive my Mothers love - “I won’t love you if you are not good” or her not wanting my presence more than half an hour without giving me an excuse to leave from visiting her in my adult years.

My basic need of a Mothers unconditional love towards me was not perceived in my heart and brought forth a wounded spirit. Her desire was to modify my behavior/persona by conditions “I will if you do or behave in the way I dictate you should.” This same strategy is applied to me in the workplace “If you conform to our image and if you behave like us we will receive you, if not we want very little to do with you and will not communicate with you other than work related issues.” Truth is this is an old age strategy to keep the soul fragmented and the demonic housed in the persona/personality and one they have been using against me from my formative years.

So can I receive His Love to replace the innate loss my human being needed at that time? I do not know if this process works but I am desperate to know why and to stop digressing into woundedness every time I do not sense love from the people of God or others, so by faith I have followed this process.

I do now know this that my definition of love expressed from the church is unrealistic and I am expecting them to love me with the love of a Mother, a lover and siblings and even as Christ Himself loves us 98

unconditionally and this is freeing, this is release, this is process in my healing. So to this I pray: “My Father I renounce my false expectations of love from the church to marry up with the love of a mother a lover a sibling and Christ Jesus’ unconditional love. I repent and ask forgiveness of my depression, bitterness, anger and dissociating in my personality unknowingly and consciously wearing masks to fit in, even where I have not accepted the real self. Further, misunderstanding of love and my blame towards the churches and parental and sibling and human imperfections, I release myself from these false expectations and release the church and all people to be who they are.

I understand my mother's lack and I have forgiven her a long time ago but again I confess forgiveness towards her for that was what happened and that was where she was at and all that she could be and do for me considering her past and her expectations after already having six daughters in a row; and her circumstances in her marriage being a mother of eight children then ten children and her own life of rejection woundedness and the demonic fortresses in her life.

I choose to move forward and see my pain was from a false expectation of a form of love I can only receive from the intimacy of a husband and a love of a mother. I choose to see that the love I have desired can not be met from the church and has been a false expectation. I acknowledge as a human I have an innate basic need of love from my fellow human beings just like I need food, water and shelter I need love and ask you to open my eyes to put church love in its perspective and see brotherly and sisterly love and walk in this love and this release.

Today I receive a fresh Your love as it can fill the void within my inner being of a need to be loved, even though we were meant to receive love in its facets from our fellow beings Your love will meet my need so I yield to Love afresh, yield to receive Your Love and enable me to receive your love and walk in your expressions of love towards me.

I give you thanks and praise that I mean more to You than I

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realize at this time in my life.

Amen, my Jesus Amen. ___________________________________________________________ Prayer Works

When we choose prayer, it allows Jesus to give you grace, love, understanding and comfort. Just little flash prayers are the place to start also flash prayers as a habit. This is difficult, it takes a long while before you adjust to a habit and to even reach out to His help.

We choose to tell Jesus our feelings. Not the person who hurt you until you have the discernment from Jesus if you have to confront, or how to confront without sinning against them? We choose to seek Jesus for roots of rejection, anything hidden will be revealed to the light, pray for light. We even choose to pray to give the day to Jesus, and all that will happen in that day.

Prayer releases Jesus’ power into the circumstance and your heart.

You open yourself up to His anointing, counsel and the love of the Lord Jesus. If you retaliate to them wanting justice, retribution or an apology, you give power over to them to tell you who you are and what is your value, identity and worth. If you react you exalt yourself above them, hurt them or damage the relationship and the atmosphere in the home or workplace or Church.

As written speaking peace and love, giving back a soft, gentle answer will turn away wrath, because grievous, harsh words stir up anger. You will allow the sins of others to give you an excuse to sin against them, other than to show them Jesus in that circumstance. We show them an anointed heart of compassion mercy kindness, humility forbearance gentleness forgiveness and patience.

An anointed heart to bear with them an anointed heart of a spirit of humility rather than one of superiority; an anointing of a spirit of humility of mind to regard others as more important than yourself. Only Jesus’ power will enable you to stay dead to sin, keep your mind quiet and at peace and keep you in a right spirit of self-control to stay ‘cool’ or ‘sweet’ to walk in these anointing in that circumstance. ________________________________________________________ What Is Written In Scripture Is For Your Welfare

Choose to allow this circumstance and the quickening of the Word to 100

say what is true, and as an opportunity to overcome rejection. Choose to not let this circumstance tell you who you are and what you are by remembering what the scripture says about you being dearly beloved, loved cherished, adored and accepted and significant and secure in Christ.

Choose to read your list of promises and the edifying scriptures at the end of this book they tell you who you are in God's eyes and who are in Christ. Read these aloud and declare them to yourself - faith comes by hearing.

Keep reading until these scriptures are birthed in your spirit, buried deep in your heart and they become your weapons of defense against rejection.

If God be for you who can be against you..........He who did not spare His own son delivered him up for us all, how will he not with Him give us freely all things...............who will bring a charge against God’s elect, God is the one who justifies.......................Jesus is the one who died and who is at the right hand of God who intercedes for us...............what shall separate us from the love of Christ, shall tribulation, persecution, distress...............God is our only hope............our only solution.............the only one who can help us. There is no other power other than God’s power to deliver us through Jesus Christ. __________________________________________________ You Are In Covenant With The “I AM”

You are in covenant.........what does covenant say...........what has God promised me he would do for me............. God writes in Isaiah He came to set the captive free and heal the broken hearted.

You have a blood covenant with someone who is real big and real powerful and real big in restoration, healing and deliverance and real genuine in loving you and being interested in you and is for your welfare.

Jesus is not the enemy he is your friend he is for you he loves you with deep love, deep, deep, deep love.

Go to God on the basis of covenant...God what did you say about this rejection this pain......... about this situation, what is the covenant I have with you?

God you are for me, you’re my ally, my friend you’re the only hope of deliverance from this pain of rejection and this lifestyle of rejection.

Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

God’s healing, release and restoration does not come to you on the basis of your performance or you being ‘deserving ‘. It is based on the eternal blood covenant. On what God has covenantally promised to do for you and give you? It happens because you are in covenant, because you 101

are in covenant with Him, His Word binds Him to restore you, this is His great love.

We are called to enforce covenant. This happens by you enforcing what is available to you by; going for ministry...going for teaching..........going to the scriptures to talk with God............going to the Minister/Pastor.............going to the Christian bookshop to buy a book on rejection or abandonment then reading it .......... getting in contact with a ministry (ies) locally and or worldwide who major in restoration and healing ................being a friend to someone................. Going to prayer and fasting for revelation... praying to be refined in these areas for Jesus to empower you to stay dead to rejection and abandonment to overcome these bondages and whatever sin structures. It happens by you enforcing the covenant against the enemy who wants to destroy you through the deception of rejection and abandonment.

For what does God say covenantal to you? Does He say who shall bring a charge against the elect, does He say He became sin, and took the penalty of sin. Then what does God say covenantal against the enemy; what has God covenantally given to you against the enemy...........the truth of His word................. Power and authority in his Holy Spirit to trample on all the power of the enemy/actively......... resisting his will and presence his lies, deception and temptations............ or judging them ...........or standing still in your heart in faith knowing Jesus will deliver you from evil, for you just asked him in my heart or called on the power of the Blood Covenant out loud.

God is not your problem; He is your answer. He is not your enemy he is your Covenant solution. He is the only solution, He is the only one who can do anything about your unforgiveness, rejection, abandonment, shame, resentment, anger, bitterness and about your circumstances, your children, your whatever situation.

Recall the older brother of the prodigal, everything the father has was his, he did not realize all he had to do was ask for it, he had covenant provision. The father's love was unconditional he did not have to please his father to earn any of his inheritance, it was his all the time and his father was always there for him if he had just gone to him for insight and provision, if he had just gone to him with a covenant mindset. ________________________________________________________ Jesus Can Enable You To Build Friendships

Friendships vary, and we as individuals have the ‘ideal’ friend in our minds that we want. However, this ideal may not be realistic and our minds may need to be renewed here. To others the relationship of a friend can mean different things, different things for a different people. Their expectations may not be our expectations, so don’t give up or in if they do 102

not fulfill your expectation of what a friend is or should be, just accept the friendship for what it is and has become and continue with it.

We change people change. Look back on relationships with your parents, school friends, employee’s, friends, someone you loved or married. Have they stayed the same? No. Have you stayed the same? No. We will always meet people and situations that have changed and will change. We will continue to change in our attitudes, feelings, ideas, needs, wants, knowledge and revelations. And there may be someone who once rejected you, may not reject you today. However, seek discernment from the Holy Spirit before you try to connect again for friendship, we still are in the process of restoration.

Discern in The Spirit as it is not necessary to tell every potential friend about your ‘skeletons in the closets,’ or what you were before you became a Christian. We don’t need to give them our whole life story in ten minutes, or even give it to them at all.

Sometimes these past life-styles do not need to be brought out, as for some people who have not lived our lifestyle it may be too much for them to compute, and it can give the demons opportunity to scheme even more against you. And anyway you are a new creature in Christ, the old has gone and the new has come, that’s your old identity, you are not defined by that identity anymore you are being born again.

Sometimes the old has to stay dead especially if it is, well you know too much for someone to handle or you could be seen as a ‘risk’ for it will bring and add to the unhealed brokenness. And anyway we don’t view ourselves anymore by our past; our mindset of our self is that of a Christian woman or man, a disciple, a woman or man of God who is bearing fruit of righteousness and who has accepted the call of king and priest.

Anyway, you have been water baptized, the old you have been washed away and has gone down under the waters of baptism. The old you may need to stay drowned under the water until the Holy Spirit wills for you to recall it for his purpose of ministering to someone. Therefore, until you are strong and have overcome rejection the skeleton past and the old you – the ‘too much to compute’ has to be discerned if she or he is left drowned and dead.

Let them meet ‘the you’ who you are today. Let that color their heart until your friendships are established, then if the Holy Spirit wills for you to reveal any portion of your past, do so, if not keep it to yourself for it may backfire. Trust in His discernment here, you’re not the woman/man you used to be, you have met the Savior. The Holy Spirit knows if it is appropriate to reveal any of the past.

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My past homosexual life is somewhat undesirable for many they are so blind and I have lost more opportunity of women friends than I would of if I had learnt earlier on to ask for wisdom is it necessary to tell this woman of this part of my past. My past life-style is difficult for a country city churched people to fathom and there was fear and disgust in some women’s hearts when they knew my past.

It does not mean that I’m not to be accepted for the totality of who I am today at all. As I’m a new creation, in a process of restoration, on a pathway of healing and building up the former desolations and Jesus is giving me back what the enemy used to destroy me. Jesus is making me the woman I was born to be, the woman I am meant to be, the woman I was destined and designed to be, the woman I am called to be, the Godly woman he wants to mold me to be.

It is in this we are sometimes wise to live out of, not the image of the past woman we were, but the new creation we are, and the new creation He continues to create us to be.

Friendships are built up, it may be when you have established a strong intimate friendship and have trust, and you could be very open. And even in this it is not a ‘must’ that we be totally open about our past sinful experiences.

Rash openness may lose you a potential friend than gain you a friend, or may lose you an early friendship. We are all fallen by nature and have our own sexual and social moral beliefs instilled within, and we can be quite suspicious, especially if we are not that knowable or Holy Spirit tuned in.

People just don’t love people for ‘who they are – warts and all, past and all.’ It can be a false hope, it can be an only sometimes experience and we need to be freed from this belief. The reality is they won’t accept your bad manners and they won’t accept your rudeness or your control or your sly remarks that hit unhealed wounds and truthfully should they accept these warts and all! We need to be free from this one: “Christians should love me and accept me for who I am today, and who I was before I came to Christ and especially how I come across to them today sanctified or unsanctified in character, they can just take in up with Jesus.”

All people differ, and all people have their own perceptions of sinful life’s experiences. Some people have unsanctified needs, wants and opinions on what people should be. Even in marriage husbands want to change their wives and wives want to change their husbands. We know it is only God our Father through the Holy Spirit who can change any of us by inner renewal. But, we also know it is a Christian virtue to accept and love people where they are at, or for who they are, ‘love the sinner but not the 104

sin,’ ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’

But, not everyone lives by these virtues. Therefore, we have to be wise in our confessions of our skeletons and our expectations and behavior.

Also realize it is not a ‘must’ that we tell people about our past sinful lifestyles. Privacy is ok, and also a new potential friend does not have to know all our thoughts and feelings. We need to see people as fallen humans, not Jesus in the flesh and not super perfect spirituals beings.

Consider though, from our pain we can grow. Our pain provides a great opportunity to live the virtues of Christianity and ‘to have Love give love’ and ‘to find friends be friends’ and then to commit ourselves to the kingdom lifestyle of king and priest.

We will need to be prayerful to become supportive, giving and sharing instead of selfish also kind, caring, and warm to others instead of cold and indifferent. Hopeful, and allowing people to get close instead of being fearful and holding back and not relating and willing to risk friendships instead of controlling our emotions. We need to become ‘we’ instead of ‘me.’ and not all conversations about our problems. Even no longer seeing a friend will give me my self-image and will be ‘my’ means to an end; a means to ‘my’ self-worth or ‘my’ pleasure or ‘my’ fulfillment and satisfaction.

Also, it may be your time to stop letting your rejection be so noticeable and start to pray to change patterns of rejection behavior. Time to start thinking is my body language giving off rejection. Maybe its time to be prayerful so as you can develop nicer ways in talking and acting too and before people that these double messages coming from your pain of rejection are not giving the signal I do not want to befriend you, I do not have need for anything or anyone.

With each person we connect with they may not be able to fulfill our expectation of a close nurturing friendship and they may not be ‘whole’ enough either. So we may need to take it and see its individual friendship, or accept it for its uniqueness. Also in early stages it may be necessary to keep some aspects of our real selves to our self and not jump in the deep end first off.

Friendships come in all different shapes and sizes. Expect to have different friendships; expect to have many encounters with people before you find your realistic ideal friend. Expect to have friendships that only last for a small time, a medium time or a longer time and not a long, long, long time.

Expect people to be willing to be acquaintances only and receive this.

Expect that some people can only be a phone friend, or a coffee in town 105

friend, or a don’t visit or visit house friend or a Sunday service only church friend. Receive friendships at the level they come and as they go.

Expect also in early stages not to be able to be completely yourself within all friendships. Expect you may have to ‘suss things out’ before risk taking in revealing your own feelings and thoughts for the other person to accept you. Any long-term close friendships are a process, a process by degrees until established and for you to really be yourself. Close friendships are not found, they are built, and it may come over years and needs the gift of understanding. Except also, some relationships with friends can cease or slow down, we are all changing and we all move on.

And also, don’t expect yourself to be an all day Saturday and Sunday friend when you are in the process of healing and not used to such depth.

Don’t be mad at yourself, isolation has been a way of life you have known for a long time. If you cannot be more than an odd visit here and there, He will grow you and renew your heart and habits. If you have put in an effort to be a friend on their terms and you have over done it or it has gone against the grain of where you are at in yourself, it’s ok to back off.

When coming out of rejection and having no friends and now you have a friendship you are in a process of healing. As you are giving it your best shot and applying this book the friendship will be trying and difficult at times for you; especially if you are trying to maintain a friendship that is in opposition to your healing level, values, beliefs and scriptural understanding.

Conflict will arise in your heart sooner or later as you are not accustomed to such depth after being so long without a friend and you have lived for yourself as the center for so long as well.

Feelings will range from anger to judgment, criticism to evaluation “should I continue this friendship,” or turning inwards to “I’ll try again and apply this book maybe it’s me, I’ve got the issues that need to be sanctified”; to “no I just don’t want this friendship anymore because I have become hostile about it.”

Whatever reason you want to end the friendship it needs to be discerned, or pinpointed. Prayer is necessary to ask Jesus what is the reason why you have come to this point. What is the conflict you are facing within yourself and what is the application He wills for you to apply, to either stay as a friend or cease the friendship?

Recall a confrontation with this person may not be the answer, especially if it is done as a power struggle, punishment or attack on their sin structures you have accepted from the beginning because you wanted to be their friend. They may not be aware you are struggling to maintain 106

the friendship, as being a friend is a ‘norm’ to them and not to you and you are experiencing a ‘norm’ and their ‘norm’ and don’t know or see it.

Recall, it may be it’s not their standard of friendship that does not measure up but yours. And it may be your rules you are applying, your rights you are wanting, and your measuring stick against the friendship.

Recall some sins have to be addressed very early in a friendship, like manipulation, control, using your kindness, dumping their children on you, taking advantage of you especially if they know you have struggled with rejection and friendships. If you have accepted these sin structures no wonder, you have become hostile and want to cease the friendship.

If you have been conscience of these sin structures and wanting to accept them ‘warts and all’ and in understanding of your friend and self you may not of come under any spiritual transference, but if you have allowed yourself to come under controlling powers, manipulation and any of the others, repent and ask Jesus to cut these cords between you and your friend.

These experiences teach us we are not to accept such sin structures at all or from the beginning, that we are to make sure our yes is to be yes and our no to be no even if you think it may hurt their feelings or wound the rejection you discern in them. Recall boundaries, they have to be set and maintained in righteousness at all times, sin cannot be acceptable it will self-destruct sooner or later in you or between you and them.

These boundaries now need to be put in place, as Jesus tells us if anyone sins against us we go to that person and let them know (Luke 17:3). But remember choose your words with love and speak them in love under the anointing with His help. Pray for the right timing, the right opportunity. Don’t rush in, it may take five or less or seven visits before the appropriate timing comes up.

In approaching this conflict we need to be completely humble and gentle not causing a division between our friendship; and or a power struggle; or causing a win-win argument; or forcing our opinions on them; or wanting the friendship to be all our way; or allowing everything to come up and at them that does not suit our measuring stick.

Recall we are in the process of healing still fragmented and are not used to friendships. So we can and may still perceive out of our brokenness and unhealed emotions and self-centeredness. “A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.” (Proverbs 18:6) You may be one of the ones who have received the lie that you are useless and hopeless and worthless. The emotions are bruised, the spirit is 107

wounded and the unclean spirits are buried in these wounds that are in need of healing.

A broken spirit from rejection and abandonment feels guilt, shame, anger, rage, inadequacy, sorrow, tearful, depressed and thinks they deserve to be punished or “serves me right, I brought that on myself” “how can anyone love me.”

It is difficult to believe you have value and worth to have a friend.

Demons reinforce all these lies; they create mental trauma, mental stress, mental torment, and mental disturbance, fogging your thinking.

Take this as an opportunity to be trained to discern the works of darkness as opposed to your own thinking and the true condition of your heart.

Your walls will be up protecting your emotions so you may only want just one friend, he will do, she will do and you do not heart fully really enjoy them anyway. You will reach maturity to reach out to different people for friendship and if they are mature enough to reciprocate that’s great, if not that is their problem, not yours.

Demons will convince you of this lie and convince you that close friends with so and so will end and will only hurt you more. These lies need to be renounced and replaced with a new heart a new outlook, new friends, new encounters and newness of life.

We choose people we would like to be our friend because our subconscious can be at work. Subconsciously we have an image of what a friend should be like, look like, act like, think like, and be compatible like.

Even how many children or even have no children.

We even want them to have either husband or no husband and to have a certain standard of living and so on. But, when we base a friend on these things we can rob ourselves of a maybe genuine good friend.

Our subconscious is even at work considering past experiences, even as far back to our growing up days within our family. We even have expectation of how they should love us and treat us. If we are not conscious of these things these may be the very things that hinder us from being a friend and or forming a good friendship and keeping a friendship.

Sometimes the person you do not want to connect with because they do not fit this image is the treasure to be found. Even those that don’t seem to kick in at first can or may kick in later. Also we do not have to have a friend or friends we are ‘supposed’ to be compatible with, we belong to Jesus. We can be mature and Christ-like enough to accept people for where 108

they are at, for their ‘warts’ or ‘quirks and perks’ or ‘Christian character defects’ and different personalities. Especially given we know the pain from those who reject us on face value and those who don’t ‘give us a go’ to be a friend.

However, on the other hand if we have become busy in ‘God’s business’ serving others to meet our need of acceptance this is not the pathway of healing. This only acts as a band-aid. This behavior is selfdefeating by buying acceptance from others in performing services for them of helps. Seeking any type of friendships, seeking acceptance from those we help does not deal with the heart but just keeps the heart stunted in rejection.

Some friends can be givers, some friends can be takers, and some want the center of attention. It takes time for a friend to get to know us.

Friends cannot read our mind nor can other people. We cannot expect them to know what we are thinking or know the things that are bothering us or what we are dealing with in our inner person or know what touches a ‘raw nerve.’

Friends cannot and do not meet all our needs. They cannot replace our source; they cannot substitute a relationship we were created for to have with the Father and Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. They do not see our heart like Jesus does. He is a friend who will never leave of forsake us.

He is a friend that wills for relationship, His Spirit lusts after our heart for communion, fellowship and loves to direct us to Jesus and The Father.

It’s time for a renewal of the mind; time for the counselor the Holy Spirit to be invited in to change us, time to dance, time to love, and time to live.

Spirit of Christ Jesus I invite You into change me, change my heart Oh Lord, amen.

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Conclusion ___________________________________________________________ Emotions In Rejection

Remember repressed emotions in rejection bottle up inside and find a way to express themselves in inappropriate ways; thus causing a chain reaction in sin. Anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, vengeance, inner vows, works, striving to please, blame, guilt, inferiority to blocking out God and other familiar fruit of homosexuality.

When we repress it, block it out as if it did not happen, when we suppress it, control our emotions, and hold it in, in the name of Jesus or Scripture or maturity the emotions are stuffed down inside and we cork them. Then off blows the cork and a cycle of sin occurs therefore from one sin we can sin five more on top of that one sin. Outcomes bitterness, anger, rage, sulking or other sins familiar to us and this defiles us and causes our sin to be greater than the offense.

So at each point of rejection we have taken it is necessary we give it directly to Jesus. Choice is made then, do I send the hurt, the feeling to Jesus or do I stuff them down. Do I express it to the person who offended me and hurt them and repress it as if it never happened or suppress it and control my emotions or do I yield it over to Jesus who will take the impact?

Honesty to Jesus at this point and truthfulness to Him is a key to overcoming rejection. We can express our emotions to Jesus, as an emotion it is not a sin; we can express it to Jesus in exactly the way we feel. We are body soul and spirit, all interlinked to one another. Jesus I feel angry, I feel rejected, I feel offended, I feel like dart, dart, de dart or I don’t know how I feel Jesus.

Jesus is for you not against you, yes Jesus is for you not against you, He is on your team. Repressing emotions affects us in our body, our spirit and our mind, it has adverse effects. Expressing our emotion not only releases us not to yield to sin, but is health to our flesh, allows the Holy Spirit to counsel and minister the anointing and gifts to us to keep us in the Spirit. Jesus absorbs the pain of rejection, releases His grace and comfort and counsel to take the impact of rejection.

Forgiving the person who rejected us is also a choice; we forgive those who sin against us totally. This releases us from their offense, and releases them to Jesus. We express our feelings to Jesus, forgive the person who rejected us straight away to the capacity we are able to forgive, and wait for the manifestation of grace, the anointing, the love and the comfort of the Holy Spirit to absorb the feeling and put us back in the peace of The 110

Spirit.

We will have to continue to forgive that offense until we are quite a way on the pathway of healing of rejection. We continue to forgive that offense until we no longer hold that offense against whoever rejected us.

Forgiveness will be a process until our healing is in the last stages.

Then forgiveness will come quick and easy and we will automatically pray to bless them. Our heart will bring forth acceptance in the Beloved and love of the brethren and understanding. Most of all we will be secure in who we are ‘In Christ’ and who we are as an individual person.

In closing, a warped fruit of rejection is self, after a lifetime of not only rejection but a homosexual lifestyle we can become selfish, my wants, my needs only, the ‘me,’ ‘myself’ and ‘I’ complex. Therefore, we need to be renewed in our minds and actions and continue with our heart set on transformation healing and taking on the lifestyle of king and priest.

To receive ongoing healing, we will have to continue to go back to this book to be renewed in the spirit of our mind that we guard our heart from going back to the shore we left off from.

Be blessed and be a blessing Stay in the boat

Agape Kath

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____________________________________________________ Scriptures of Edification

Deuteronomy 28:13 “And Jehovah shall make you the head; and not he tail. And you shall be only above, and you shall not be beneath; if you heed the commandments of Jehovah your God, which I am commanding you today, to be careful to do them.”

Psalms 17:8 “Keep me as the pupil, the daughter of the eye; hide me under the shadow of You wings,” Psalms 22:10 “I was cast on You from the womb; from my mother’s belly, You are my God.” Psalms 27:10 “When my father and my mother forsake me, then Jehovah will take me up.”

Psalms 37:25 “I have been young and am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his seed begging bread.”

Psalms 89:28, 34 “I will keep My mercy for him forever; and My covenant shall hold fast with him…34 I will not profane My covenant, nor change what goes from My lips.”

Psalms 94:14 “For Jehovah will not leave His people; nor will He forsake His inheritance.”

Psalms 138:8 “Jehovah will perfect His work in me; O Jehovah Your mercy endures forever; You will not forsake the works of Your hands.”

Psalms 139:13 “For You possessed my inward parts; You wove me in the womb of my mother.”

Proverbs 18:24 “A man of friends may be broken up; but there is a Lover who sticks closer than a brother.”

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Song Of Solomon 2:4, 6, 16 “He brought me to the house of wine, and His banner over me was love…

6 His left hand is under my head, and His right hand embraces me...

16 My Beloved is mine, and I am His, He feeds among the lilies.”

Isaiah 41:9 “whom I have made strong from the ends of the earth; I called you from its sides, and I said to you, You are my servant; I chose you and not have rejected you.”

Jeremiah 31:3, 14 “Jehovah has appeared to me from far away, saying, Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love! Therefore, with loving-kindness I have drawn you…

14 And I will fill the soul of the priests with fatness, and My people will be satisfied with My goodness, declares Jehovah.”

Matthew 5:13- 14 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt becomes tasteless, with what shall it be salted? For it has strength for nothing anymore, but to be thrown out, and to be trampled under by men. 14 You are the light of the world, a city situated on a mountain cannot be hidden.”

John 1:12 “But as many as received Him, to them He gave authority to become children of God, to the ones believing into His name;” John 6:37 “All that the Father gives to Me will come to Me, and the one coming to Me I will in no way cast out.”

John 15:1, 5 I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser…

5 I am the Vine; you are the branches; He that remains in Me, and I in him, this one bears much fruit. For apart from me you are not able to do anything.”

John 15:16 “You have not chosen me, but I chose you out, and planted you, that you should go and should bear fruit, and your fruit remain; that whatever you should ask the Father in My name, he may give you.”

Acts 1:8 “but you will receive power, the Holy Spirit coming upon you, and you will be witnesses of Me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and Samaria, and 113

to the end of the earth.”

Romans 8:29 “because whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be the firstborn among many brothers.”

1 Corinthians 3:16 “Do you not know that you are a temple of God, and the Spirit of God dwells in you?”

1 Corinthians 6:11 “And some were these things, but you were washed; but you were sanctified; but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and in the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 12:27 “And you are a body of Christ, and members in part.”

2 Corinthians 5:17-20 “So that if anyone is in Christ, that one is a new creation; the old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 And all things are of God , who reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and giving to us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 whereas God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not charging their trespasses to them, and putting the word of reconciliation in us.”

2 Corinthians 6:1 “But working together, we also call on you not to receive the grace of God in vain.”

Galatians 4:5-7 “that He might redeem the ones under law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. 6 And because you are sons, God sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying, Abba! Father! 7 so that you no more are a slave, but a son; and if a son, also an heir of God through Christ.”

Ephesians 1:3-4 “Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenlies with Christ; 4 according as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, for us to be holy and without blemish before Him in love;” Ephesians 1:5-8 “predestinating us to adoption through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace , which He favored us in the Beloved, 7 in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His 114

grace; 8 which He caused to abound toward us in all wisdom and understanding.”

Ephesians 2:6 “and raised us up together and seated us together in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 2:10 “for we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God before prepared that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:13; 3:12 “But now in Christ Jesus you who then were afar off came to be near by the blood of Christ…in whom we have boldness and access in confidence through His faith.”

Ephesians 2:18; 1:13 “For through Him we both have access by one spirit to the Father…in whom also you hearing the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, in whom also believing, you were sealed with the Holy spirit of promise.”

Ephesians 3:12 “in whom we have boldness and access in confidence through His faith.”

Philippians 1:6 “being persuaded of this very thing, that the One having begun a good work in you will finish it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ, the One giving me power.”

Colossians 1:12-14 “giving thanks to the Father, who has made us fit for a share of the inheritance of the saints in light, 13 who delivered us out of the power of darkness, and translated us into the kingdom of the Son of His love; 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of sins.”

Colossians 1:20-22 “and through Him making peace by the blood of His cross, to reconcile all things to Himself through Him, whether the thing on the earth, or the things in the heavens. 21 And you then were once alienated and enemies in your mind by evil works, but now He reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh, through death, to present you holy and without blame, and without charge before Him,” Colossians 1:27 “to whom God desired to make known what are the riches of the glory of 115

this mystery among the nations, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory;” Colossians 2:9-10 “For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and having been filled, you are in Him, who is the Head of all rule and authority.”

Colossians 3:12-13 “Then put on as the elect of God, holy and beloved, tender feeling of compassion, kindness, humility meekness, long-suffering, 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other…”

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____________________________________________________ Endnotes

Counsel

1.

2.

‘Music LP Record’ Barry McGuire [Sparrow Records, Inc., 8587 Canoga Ave., Canoga Park, CA 91304, 1977] ‘Citing electronic resources’. www.angelfire.com Nelson, Craig “Mercy Saw Me” [Online, accessed 4 February 2009]

3.

Forward, Susan. Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them, [Bantam Books, New York, 1987]

4.

Taylor, H. SENT TO HEAL A Handbook on Christian Healing [Speedwell Press, USA, 2007]

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____________________________________________________ Bibliography

‘Citing electronic resources’. www.angelfire.com Nelson, Craig “Mercy Saw Me” [Online, accessed 4 February 2009] Forward, Susan. Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them, [Bantam Books, New York, 1987] Fowke, Dr Ruth. A Way through Depression, [CWR, Waverley Abbey House, Waverley Lane, Farnham, Surrey GU9 8EP, 1995, 2002] Gibson, Noel & Phyl. Excuse Me Your Rejection is Showing [Sovereign World, PO Box 777 Tonbridge Kent TN11 OZS England 1992, 1997, 2004] Jabay, Earl. The Kingdom of SELF, [Logos International, 185 North Avenue, Plainfield, N.J. 07060 1974] Kitchen, Y. Camouflage of Divination [Fruitful Vine Publishing House, Lot 27, Wellington road, Lysterfield, Victoria 3156, 1997] Logos Research Systems on CD-ROM, Scholar’s Library [715 SE Fidalgo Ave Oak Harbor WA 98277-4049, 1998] ‘Music LP Record’ Barry McGuire [Sparrow Records, Inc., 8587 Canoga Ave., Canoga Park, CA 91304, 1977] Phillips, Bob & Alyn, Kimberly. How to Deal with Annoying People, [Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97402, 2003/2005] Price, Eugenia. A Woman’s Choice, Living through Your Problems, [Zondervan Publishing House Grand Rapids, Michigan, twenty-eighth printing 1980] Taylor, Harold. SENT TO HEAL A Handbook on Christian Healing [Speedwell Press, USA, 2007] Williamson, Marianne. A Return To Love, Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, [HarperCollins Great Britain, 1992]

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___________________________________________________________ Acknowledgments ____________________________________________________ Backus, William, Ph.D. Telling Each Other the Truth. [Bethany House Publishers, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55438, 1985] Carlson, Richard, Ph.D. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff. [Bantam Books,Transworld Publishers, 20 Alfred Street, Milsons Point, NSW 2061, 1997] Ezell, Lee. The Cinderella Syndrome – Discovering God’s Plan When your Dreams Don’t Come True. [Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97402, 1985] Fryling, Alice. Reshaping A Jealous Heart. [InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515, 1994] Gage, Ken and Joy. Restoring Fellowship. [Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data, The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, 1984] Ghezzi, Bert. The Angry Christian. [Servant Books P.O. Box 8617 Ann Arbor, Michigan 48107, 1980] Graham, Billy. Reasons to Be Glad, [World Wide Publications, 1303 Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55403, 1988] Hammond, Frank. Forgiving Others: Key to Healing And Deliverance, [Children’s Bread Ministry P.O. Box 789 Plainview, TX 79073-0789, 1995] Hurnard, Hannah. Kingdom Of Love, [Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60187, 1978] Jabay, Earl. The kingdom of SELF, [Logos International 185 North Avenue, Plainfield, N. J. 07060, 1974] Johnson, Ann. Miryam of Judah; Miryam of Nazareth; Miryam of Jerusalem, [Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, IN 46556, 1991] McClung, Floyd. Learning to Love People You Don’t Like [Kingsway Publications Ltd, Lottbridge Drove, Eastbourne, E,]. Sussex BN23 6NT, 1987] Polis, Dr John. Take My Yoke Upon You. [EBED Publications, P.P. Box 3595 Hagerstown, MD 21742-3595, 1997] Powell, John. Why Am I Afraid to Love? [Argus Communications Co. 3505 119

N. Ashland Avenue Chicago, Illinois, 1967] Powell, John. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? [Argus Communications Co. 3505 N. Ashland Avenue Chicago, Illinois 60657, 1969] Sampson, Steve. I Was Always On My Mind. [Sovereign World Ltd PO Box 777 Tonbridge Kent TN11 9XT England, 1996] Seamands, David. Healing Grace. [Victor Books a division of Scripture Press Publications, Inc, Wheaton, Illinois, USA, 1988] Wiersbe, Warren W. Lonely People. [Baker Book House Company P.O Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287, 2002] Wilson, Sandra, D. Hurt people hurt People. [Thomas Nelson, Inc Nashville, Tennessee, 1993]

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Overcoming and Understanding Homosexuality

By Healing the Wounds of Rejection Book 3 When you read and apply this book it will bring you strength, speak to you deeply and will give you ample opportunity to find answers for healing to suit your individuality. You will overcome and you will accept and see that rejection is as much a part of human weakness as sweating “for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.� (Romans 3:23) Seeing ourselves as the rejected victim and blaming everyone keeps us down and dragging a load too heavy to bear. Holding onto false hopes, and false beliefs that we should be accepted and loved for who we are or who we once were is a mindset we need to be freed from. The truth is people reject people and Church people do not accept or love others warts and all, or for our past life of homosexuality.

Overcoming the deep wounds of rejection is not as simple as taking hold of a statement of truth. But it is a start to face the reality that people reject and will always reject and if we are truthful with ourselves, we to reject other in some form or another.

This book will show you many ways to overcome the struggle of rejection. You will know the truth and the truth you believe will set you free, free indeed. He who loves you will complete the work He began in you for Jesus will bring you forth as His king and priest so that you may go forth to your destination.

Kathleen Malligan Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba 122