sound of growing up. days of nothingness. twenty something at 5am. twenty something and familiar nights. twenty something and young love lost. what i know now.
issue one
20 Being Twenty Something By Katie Speake
BEING TWENTY SOMETHING BY KATIE SPEAKE
EDITORS NOTE
“being twenty something is a lot like hanging off the egde of a cliff .” - rachel ryan
Twenty something. A term that we have come to recognize as people between the age of 20-29. A term of age that has before been identified as an era of the untroubled and carefree of youth. A time when you can go through life, stressless and with little responsibility. But things are not always as clear as day and night. Being twenty something can be hard. I say this with the full known knowledge that many 30 year olds will be currently rolling their eyes. But it’s the truth. Exhilarating, sometimes, yes. Yet still, at times, hard. “20’s are meant to be the time of your life.” you hear time and time again. This is when you begin to panick. “Am I abnormal.”, “Am I missing out?”. You feel in a sort of weird limbo phase. At the end of the crossroads, deciding which road you want to go down. Each way a daunting prospect. Change and unsettlement seeming like a repetitive occurrence. Those around you, both friends and acquaintances, appearing so sure of their direction, so content. It’s times like these when we fail to remember, that what we see in other’s life's is only a snippet of the truth. What they choose to display. When you look a little deeper, sieving through the cover of over sharing on Facebook or whatever social media site is currently clouding your judgement, you begin to see that these people have the same uncertainties as you. Their path isn’t always as straight as it looks. They have the same ups and down. But who’s going to document that? Being Twenty Something is a publication for 20 somethings by 20 somethings. An honest perspective of conversations and visuals highlighting the positive and negatives of being 20 something in today’s society.
“BEING TWENTY SOMETHING IS BITTER SWEET.” Chloe Burns
www.beingtwentysomething.co.uk BEING 20 SOMETHING ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
ISSUE 1
20 CONTENTS
AN INSIGHT INTO TWO FORWARD THINKNG
IN CONVERSATION
02 CHLOE BURNS SOUND OF GROWING UP 14 THOMAS WILLIAMS DAYS OF NOTHINGNESS
CONTEMPORARY POETRY & PROSE
20 SOMETHING AT 5AM 20 SOMETHING & YOUNG LOVE LOST 20 SOMETHING & FAMILIAR NIGHTS WHAT I KNOW NOW
ON THE STREET
PORTRAIT CITY
TWENTY SOMETHING’S
IN CONVERSATION THE POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES OF BEING TWENTY SOMETHING IN TODAY’S SOCIETY.
SOUND OF GR0WING UP
DAYS OF NOTHINGNESS CHLOE BURNS / THOMAS WILLIAMS
www.beingtwentysomething.co.uk BEING 20 SOMETHING ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
COMING OF AGE
LONDON
CHLOE BURNS STUDENT
ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
Location: Brixton, London Photographed by Katie Speake 3/
SOUND OF GROWING UP
BEING 20 SOMETHING BEING 20 SOMETHING
ISSUE 1
1st december 20015
CHLOE BURNS
brixton, london
SOUND OF GROWING UP
BEING 20 SOMETHING
ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
SOUND OF GROWING UP
“Being 20 something can be exciting, there so many options in life that you can take and I can now finally see that.”
At the age of just 21, London College of Arts student, Chloe Burns has undoubtedly had her fair share of experiences. Chloe’s world is one of deep thoughts, insight and some regret, formed from her past encounters. As this issue celebrates being Twenty Something in today’s society, Chloe tells us the pro’s and con’s of being 21, and why she won’t let the past define her. Chloe wears VINTAGE Dungarees, White Over-Sized T-shirt by TOPSHOP and white VANS.
6/
What is the best thing about being 20 something? Freedom- I finally feel like I’m living the life I want to without the pressures of being a teenager. My parents are accepting of the fact that I'm finally an adult and it feels like my life's falling together. People say the best years of your life are your 20’s and I think I believe them. I know how to sustain friendships and how to let the people that have not been good to me in the past go. Being 20 is exciting, there so many options in life that you can take and I can now finally see that. I’m done with those awkward teen years where you don't want to spend time with your parents and your friends with people because you think they’re cool. I am surrounded by amazing talented people who make me want to strive for better. I enjoy being with my family, they have turned into my friends rather than my parents. I think it’s in your 20’s that you realise this. With that in mind, what have you found to be the worst thing about being 20 something? Regret- now that I’m ok with who I am, my 20’s is where I’ve done a lot of looking back. To think about all the people I’ve hurt in the past, all the mistakes I’ve made. Finally feeling like I’m in a stable and steady environment makes me remember the times I wasn’t. Im still haunted by things that happened before my 20’s and now I’m older I can shed a new light on them. I’m scared of fucking up- people say your 20’s is a time that you can make mistakes but I feel i’ve made too many in the past and so I’m trying to do the very best I can do, fill my spare time with industry work and sometimes because of this I don’t have any time to myself, I don’t feel like a 20 year old and sometimes I just want to enjoy my carefree life as a 21 year old. >>
7/
21 What advice would you give to someone approaching their twenties? To act their age, spend as much time with your friends as you want and fuck up if you want to. Don’t take yourself too seriously because you’re still so young. Know that you deserve better when someone is treating you like shit. Being 20 something is bittersweet, it’s the best and worst years of your life. So take things as they come and don’t care about what people think of you! If I could go back in time, thats what I would say to the 18 year old me. The only opinion that matters is your own (and your families) there are always gunna be people that don’t like you, thats ok, as long as you know you’re a good person. That’s all that matters. Don’t rush into a relationship just because you’re unhappy with who you are. Take your time and figure it out yourself. /
10 /
Do you ever look back?
LEEDS
THOMAS WILLIAMS
ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
Location: Alwoodley, Leeds Photographed by Katie Speake 15 /
CONVERSATION
DAYS OF NOTHINGNESS Interview with 23 year old Thomas Williams, who takes us with him on his day of nothingness, along with explaining life as a 23 year old.
23
Do you remember the days, free of all worries? Do you remember, when you were younger; no stress weighed on your shoulders, when you were entering a world of simply being young and free. Not a prisoner to the reality of real life. When boys could simply be boys. Girls simply girls. When tomorrow could wait. Today’s going to be a day like that. A day of the past. Creating an unspoken flow of images, the photographer captures the beauty of simplicity, of a day of nothingness. Nothing to hide or disguise. Just the fresh feel of raw surroundings. Tomorrow something of importance can be done. Tomorrow.
What’s the best part about being twenty something? I can finally grow a beard, wanted a beard my whole life and i’ve finally got one. Could’t do that when i was 17. And the worst? The expectation of having to be a somebody. It feels as if everyone is expecting me to do this and do that and to do things that just aren’t me. I feel like i have to explain myself to my friends and family regarding ‘where i’m at’ in life. What part of your youth makes you feel nostalgic? I really didn’t like school, in fact I hated school so not that. Erm..birthday parties. They’re times I look back on with happy memories. Every year, when your whole class from school would come and you’d go bowling and it’d be a sick day out. What’s your idea of a perfect day? Food. All day. And Wine. No responsibility. What advice would you like to give to your younger self? Don’t let anyone tell you what you need to do or where you need to be. Being 20 something is about finding out what sort of life you’re wanting to live. Be comfortable in your own skin an have confidence in the fact you’re going in the right direction and you’re on the path to where you want to be.
17 /
“WHEN BOYS COULD SIMPLY BE BOYS - DAYS OF NOTHING NESS.” Twenty Something
THOMAS WILLIAMS LEEDS & NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE Days of nothingness
5am. She lies awake. The only noise, the chaos in her mind. Her only company, the demons in her head. Plaguing her thoughts. The mirror of her mind, Like the dark side of the moon. Reflecting on the day just gone, Her fears of failure, no desire to be worthy. Afraid of loneliness, her need to be alone. Feeling everything at once, And then, as quick as a smile, numbness. Fearful for today. Dread for tomorrow. There’s a unfriendly beauty about 5am. The space between the clock hands. The taste of her tears, bittersweet. The freedom of seeing no one. The lonely hour. 5am She hears the key twist in the door, Her stomach knots, clenching inside. The distant laughter, probing her sanity, A reminder of the occasion she’s missed. She protects her ears. Her pillow covering her head. Her mind whispers, “Please just go to bed.”
20 SOMETHING AT 5AM
BEING 20 SOMETHING
ISSUE 1
CONTEMPORARY POETRY & PROSE Words by Katie Speake
20 SOMETHING AT 5AM 20 SOMETHING AND YOUNG IN LOVE 20 SOMETHING AND FAMILIAR NIGHTS WHAT I KNOW NOW
Restless in her sheets, The white cotton, an irritation to her conscious bare skin. Tossing and turning, then she lies so still. Tired bones. Sleep eludes her. A hollow room. Counting the cracks in the ceiling, The plaster crumbling like the walls of her thoughts. She opens her mouth, but words escape her. She sighs, her heavy breath, creating a room full of haze. Clouding her judgement, infusing delusional thoughts. A silence, so harsh it’s deafening. 5am. She sees the sunrise most days, Hues of orange leaking through the blinds. Streaming through enraged clouds. Angular shadows across her face. Making her rise before she’s ready. Not yet able to face the day. A torn sky. Only twenty four hours in a day. And half of those, she lies awake. A night as long as a lifetime. A half life lost in dreams.
These poems are in someway or all another all portraits of being 20 something in the society we live in today. Written from a variety of different perspectives - both touching, intimate and with the cold taste of reality.
20 SOMETHING AND A YOUNG LOVE LOST
I find that even in destruction, there lies beauty. And that is what we had. A beautiful destructive youthful love. So beautiful that only those who had experienced it could begin to understand. We were stuck in the middle ground, somewhere in-between light and shadow. Half-light, semi-darkness, what we referred to as our twilight. The way you looked at me, in a way that no one had ever looked at me before. A warm depth to your eyes, burning straight through to my soul, like fire to a page. And just like that I couldn't take my eyes off of you. And just like that I couldn’t take my mind off of you. You consumed every inch of me, mind and soul. You made me feel alive, the touch of your finger tips upon my skin, reviving me from the darkness that had overwhelmed me for so long. Only 22, with a feeling too intense for its years. I needed you and you needed to be needed But you were like a hybrid, a mix of a man who was torn between two personalities. Torn between being the person he wanted to be, and being the man that his mind had already decided for him. His own worst enemy. And with that I sympathized. Change was coming. I could feel it, every day a little bit closer. A little bit more real. It wasn’t a pleasant prospect although I knew it was destined for us. It was the next natural step. We were on the edge. You wanted to fall and I wanted to fly, and for some reason enough we lost the direction of the course set out of for us, colliding, the impact fatal to our love.
20 SOMETHING AND FAMILIAR NIGHTS I’ve been here before. This night is as familiar to me as my own reflection in the glass. I’m alone at midnight. My friends whereabouts unknown. Stumbling, like a lost child, through a sea full of people, searching for your face. Glazed eyes stare back at me, none of which bring me the comfort that I seek. The pit of disappointment building in my stomach. It’s been weeks since I saw the light of your face. Sense evading me, I say, “Pour me a sunset,” and let this night turn into a blur. They say the end of the bar is a man’s best friend. I test that theory, I feel nothing but loneliness. Unsettled feelings still buried within. Tormenting my mind, I pour another drink. Pride pushed aside, the liquor touching my lips, like rain on fire, burning down my throat. Toxins running through my veins. Tonight, I tell myself, isthe night I’ll send that text. Blood shot eyes, heavy heart and head. I can tell I’m ready to confess feelings I’ll later regret. Doubled shots. My fingers brush over send. Reading between the sloppy lines, I hit send. I ask where you are tonight and if you want to meet. I ask if I ever cross your mind or if the sound of my name still brings light to your eyes. I sigh knowing I’ll most likely receive no reply. Does he think to call or text me at night? Or what if maybe he’s lying by someone else’s side? Panic rising, I click delete. Eyes beginning to wander. Another night alone, too much to take. Welcoming the touch from the unfamiliar, another mistake I’ll wake to regret. His hand running down the back of my neck, cold and foreign to my skin. The taste of his tongue, poignant and bitter. I’m there in body but my mind is elsewhere. What would you think of me, if you could see me right now? I doubt you’d even care. I push the thoughts to the back of my mind, I have to go ahead with the mess i’ve got myself in to tonight. And like a blur, sunlight infiltrates my eyes. I blink twice. What happened last night? No recollection, but my clothes scattered across the floor. Reality sets in. Memories of the night before fading in and out, like traffic lights in the distance. I sit upright, my mouth the taste of a dull morning, the smell of shame, lingering, mocking me. I scramble to the floor, looking for the remnants of my bag. A simple reminder of the night i’ve just had. Clinging to the safety of just one text back. Phone grasped between my shaking fingers, eyes bright and hopeful. A stranger in my bed and a blank screen awaits me.
WHAT I KNOW NOW It’s only when you’ve had everything, then lost it, that you will look back and fail to understand how you couldn’t grasp how much possibility was laid out in front of you. The power of the beauty and youth you possessed. The world at your feet, and yet you so desperately clung to the ceiling. As my twenty something years merge into thirty I see it all so clearly. I was constantly evolving. My expectations were constantly evolving. And with that comes disappointment. As we evolve, we want more, greed consumes us. We create the illusion of happiness to make sense of the disappointment that we anticipate to overwhelm us, in the path we have yet to live. How long I must have spent, expecting too highly from others, willing to do for them, things that they couldn't do for me in return. Looking to please people who now I can barely remember the outline of their faces in my memories. Expectations are a funny thing. Like fine glass, the harder you hold on to them, the more they are likely to crack. I look to what I know now and to what I wish I had known back then. I know how you feel when you’re alone. Lying on your bed, transfixed by the screen of your phone. Clinging on to the hope that it might bring you some inner peace to the demons disrupting your thoughts. I know how you feel to be dependent on the kindness of strangers, desperate for their acceptance and approval. I know how you feel, to alarm even yourself at how disarming you can be. Innocently fooling those around you. Their blissfully unaware eyes, the face you show to the world a mere mask of your true identity.
Change c
As time goes on, feelings change, your thought process changes. Things that were once important become insignificant. And in time you stumble upon it. Inner calm and peace with yourself. And one day, maybe, just maybe, you’ll remove the mask from your face, reveal yourself to the world, and believe in who you're becoming, and all you have yet to be.
www.beingtwentysomething.co.uk BEING 20 SOMETHING ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
ISSUE 1
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY
TWENTY ONE
JACK CARTER STUDENT
A HONEST COLLECTION OF
TWENTY SOMETHING’S
ON THE STREET PORTRAIT CITY LEEDS / NEWCASTLE / MANCHESTER / LONDON
Best thing about being twenty something? I guess being able to do what I want more, not having to answer to anybody. Moving out, getting to chill with my friends more now I live with them. I like to do my own thing quite a lot too, I can do that more now I’m at uni. It’s chilled.
BEING 20 SOMETHING PORTRAIT CITY
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Hyde Park, Leeds
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY TWENTY
NELSON HOLMES
PORTRAIT CITY
TWENTY TWO
ELKE KARS
ENGLISH LITERATURE STUDENT
ON THE STREET
COLLEGE STUDENT
BEING 20 SOMETHING
Does it feel any different now you’ve turned twenty?
Best thing about being twenty something?
If I’m honest no. Probably should have lied shouldnt I. I guess the right answer would be I’m no longer a teenager so I should start taking more responsibiltiy and taking things seriously. But I’m not gunna lie, I feel no different.
I have better conversations with people now I’m a bit older. I was really shy, i guess I still am now but I’m not trapped like I felt I used to be. I kind of feel like the best thing about being twenty something is that the worlds kind of your oyster.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Hyde Park, Leeds
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Hyde Park, Leeds
BEING 20 SOMETHING
BEING 20 SOMETHING
TWENTY THREE
TWENTY ONE
FREDDIE LISTER
JAMES GREEN
PORTRAIT CITY
PART TIME EMPLOYMENT
ON THE STREET
LAW STUDENT
PORTRAIT CITY
What is the hardest thing about being twenty something?
What’s the best thing about being twenty something?
Sometimes I feel like I’m not taken seriously, like people just assume I’m an immature tweny three year old guy when i’m actually working my arse off to make something of myself. I think sometimes because of the way I dress they find it hard to believe I study Law, which is annoying but I guess it gives me motivation to prove them wrong.
Now is the time I don’t really have anything holding me back. I can do what I want when I want. I’m only twenty one, so I’m pretty laid back, don’t have to wake up early really, don’t have a set routine. Just kind of bop around. Got a lot to look forward to too hopefully.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Manchester
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Manchester
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY TWENTY FIVE
TOM LANE
PORTRAIT CITY TWENTY ONE
VIVIENNE & SAMMI ART STUDENTS
ON THE STREET
EMPLOYED
BEING 20 SOMETHING
What is the hardest thing about being twenty something?
What is the hardest thing about being twenty something?
Erm, tough question...I guess when I first turned twenty that was sweet. I was still at uni. I didn’t really think too far ahead of that, I was just in the moment. Didn’t have any responsibility really apart from my uni work, which if I’m honest I didn’t take too seriously. Now I’m at an age where I’m like what am I even doing with my life. 25 is the age where more’s expected of me. I should have this amazing job. And in reality, its just not like that.
Being away from home. When we turned twenty we came here to study at the art college. So it’s hard to not see family but it’s nice to be somewhere new and different.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location:Newcastle Upon Tyne
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY
TWENTY THREE
TWENTY FOUR
JAKE CARR
EVAN JONES
GRADUATED STUDENT / EMPLOYED
ON THE STREET
ECONOMICS STUDENT
What is the hardest thing about being twenty something? Going in on the deep side of things here but realising I don’t really want to continue uni and thinking what do I do now. I’m twenty three and I’m dropping out of uni, or at least I think I am. Worried about what people are going to say. What I’m going to do. I literally have no idea what job I want to go in to. So yeah, pretty shit really when you say it out loud.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location:Leeds
What’s the best thing about being twenty something? I’m not sure if my friends will agree with this but I think i’ve grown up a lot more since i was like 19. There’s something different in that shift between being a teenager and then hitting your twenty’s. You can of have to be more realistic and priorities what you in life. You can’t always just be reckless and do whatever you want. You have to have a balance. I’m learning that. Slowly. But i’m getting there.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: London, Brixton
BEING 20 SOMETHING
PORTRAIT CITY TWENTY TWO
MELISSA HIRST
PORTRAIT CITY TWENTY
LAUREN LOVE FASHION DESIGN STUDENT
ON THE STREET
PSYCHOLOGY STUDENT
BEING 20 SOMETHING
What is the best thing about being twenty something?
Does it feel any different now you’ve turned twenty?
I think that when you’re at school you kind of are forced to be friends with certain people. You don’t really have an identity. I didn’t really enjoy school, I was always quite shy. Since leaving sixth form and going to uni, I’ve been able to make friends with people I actually have something in common with. I’ve been able to control that and my confidence has definitely grown. I feel more content and in control.
I don’t think it feels any different but I guess I’m an adult now? That’s weird to think about. I still feel like I’m about 16. I’m the youngest in my family, so I think regardless of my age I’m always going to feel like the baby. I do feel like I’m finding myself the more I get older though. I’m starting to get a feel for where I want to be. And that’s kind of exciting.
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Leeds
Photographer: Katie Speake Location: Manchester
being twenty something