Build Leadership Qualities in Kids

By Sarah Lyons

Whether great leaders are born or made is debatable, but science tells us that either way, the qualities found in the world’s best leaders can be taught. Parents can instill and nurture within their children leadership skills.

Children who have well-developed leadership skills are confident and responsible; they are not afraid to make mistakes (and take responsibility when they do); they learn creative coping skills and the art of compromise; they have empathy for others and practice good decision-making.

Here are some ways to instill these leadership qualities in your children.

Model Leadership Qualities. Kids mimic what they see, so demonstrate what a good leader looks like by being optimistic, treating people fairly, being a good listener and always doing the right thing.

Set Kids Up for Success. Build confidence by encouraging kids to participate in activities where they have natural strengths and talent. Assist kids with projects just enough to help them succeed, allowing them to do the majority of the decision-making and work. Rewarding experiences help kids become more willing to venture out of their comfort zone.

Build Communication Skills. Encourage children to practice active listening, speaking in front of others and expressing frustrations in healthy, productive ways. Have children order their own food at restaurants; encourage them to approach coaches or teachers when there is a problem; and teach them to ask engaging questions after listening to a friend.

Be a Team Player. You may have a child who prefers to work independently, but participating in school projects, team sports, clubs, choir/band/orchestra and other situations where a group works together toward a common goal develops invaluable life skills, like patience and selflessness.

Admit Mistakes. Integrity, humility, empathy and respect are invaluable characteristics for any individual, young or old. Encourage these qualities by talking through situations where they were (or were not) used well. Cite your own experiences as examples. Ask your children how they might handle a situation differently next time, and why. Praise them when they make good decisions and provide encouragement where needed.

Value Diversity. Our world is made up of people from many different backgrounds, experiences and contributions. Help kids learn about other cultures and abilities (and to place value in how people can contribute) by practicing this as a family. Differences — and appreciating them in others — make stronger teams. Kids can learn to stand up for peers who are singled out or viewed as different from others.

Ask for Help. Knowing when to problem solve and when to ask for help or guidance is a skill that many adults are still learning. It’s almost always best to start with trying to work through issues, but teach kids it’s OK to ask for help, if needed. It’s also important to offer help (or a listening ear) to peers. Lead by example and be encouraging and helpful.

Team sports

Student government Volunteerism

Academic teams or clubs

Speech and Debate team Orchestra, band, choir, theater

Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts

Develop Good Work Habits. Kids who have responsibilities at a young age are better prepared to assist or lead others as adults. Assign chores to children as part of your working family unit. Encourage older kids to build leadership skills and work ethic by volunteering or doing part-time jobs such as yardwork, pet care or babysitting.

Teach Time and Project Management. When children have large projects to complete, encourage them to map out a plan for getting it done on time. Set goals and define steps to accomplish smaller parts along the way, rather than waiting to do it all at the last minute. Whether your children are natural leaders or great teammates, it’s important — for you and them — to understand that they will not always be in charge.

Good leaders lead by example and build up and encourage others — even when they are not actually in charge of a group — by giving and commanding respect; being willing to listen and compromise; knowing how to negotiate to reach shared goals; and treating everyone equally and fairly. By using the qualities described here in their everyday lives, your children can have the qualities found in the world’s best leaders, which will serve them well throughout life.