39 minute read
Camp Guide
KC Parent’s Camp Guide
The Culture House Spend your summer at The Culture House! Shows/workshops include dance, theatre, music and art taught by professionally trained adults. “BRIGHT STAR” (13-20), “JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH JR” (10-13), “DISNEY’S LION KING KIDS” (6-11), Broadway Musical Intensive, Into the Unknown, Arabian Nights, Improv Comedy, Ovation Ensemble, Music of Trolls, Wildcats School Musical, Disney on Stage, Instrumental Music, Girl Power, Recording Studio Basics, Art Explorers, Painting, Clay Creations, Itty Bitty Ballet Camp, Faerie Tale Dreams Ballet, Hip Hop, Jazz, Ballet & more! COVID SAFE! Openings limited! See display ad on pg. 27. 913.393.3141. Enroll online: www.CultureHouse.com
Kansas City School of Music Kansas City School of Music, the premier music school for children and teenagers in the Kansas City area, offers summer camps in piano, guitar, violin, viola, cello, voice, musical theater, music theory, jazz theory, chamber music, keyboard ensembles, and worship music. All camps meet Monday through Friday for three hours each day. Morning and afternoon camps are available. Private lessons are also offered in the summer. Visit www.kansascityschoolofmusic.com or call 913.888.2444. See display ad on pg. 28.
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questions to ask when looking for overnight camp
Summer camp? Already? It’ll be here before you know it, and believe it or not, it’s not too soon to begin researching what overnight camp(s) your child may want to participate in this year. It’s not as easy as just signing up, though. At least, it shouldn’t be. As a parent, you’ll want to make sure your child will be happy and well cared for in someone else’s charge. In order for this to happen, be sure to do your research ahead of time and ask questions before you hand over your money—or child. Here are some important things to ask to ensure you find the perfect camp. Is my child ready for overnight camp?
How does your child do at sleepovers with friends? Is he excited about the idea of going away? If your child has reasonable social skills and relates well with others, she will do well at camp. Once you’re sure your child is ready, look at the basic requirements. Some camps are open to all kids, while others require certain skills or have other admissions criteria. Math, science and technology camps, in particular, may have prerequisites.
How long has the camp been in operation and what licenses does it have?
Be aware that state licensing requirements vary widely, and in many cases are minimal. Great news if the camp is accredited by the American Camp Association, but remember that
Summer Camp for All Ages
Beginner Piano • Disney Keyboard Ensemble • Cello and Chamber Music Violin/Viola and Chamber Music • Music Theory • Jazz Theory • Worship Music Beginner Guitar • Guitar Chords • Junior Voice • Voice • Musical Theatre
SINCE 1997
12201 W. 87th St. Pkwy, Lenexa, KS 66215 • 16010 Metcalf Ave., Overland Park, KS 66085 913-888-2444 • www.KansasCitySchoolOfMusic.com
some programs are too new or small to get ACA accreditation. And if the camp isn’t the right match for your child’s personality, even an accredited one can be a thumbs-down.
What is the camp philosophy?
What kind of experience do you want your child to have? Will your child get to work in a group, collaborate with other kids and/or learn how to work with a team? Find out how much flexibility the children will have in making their own schedules, how many activities are available and how much unstructured social time there will be. Only you know what your child will need.
What are the qualifications of the director and staff and the ratio of staff to children?
Some camps employ high school or college students, while others require college degrees and more experience. Both are fine, but make sure the staff is engaged and interested in interacting with the kids. As for the director, it’s important to know how long that person has been directing the camp and what his or her background is. The leader-tochild ratio varies depending on the type of camp. ACA accreditation requirements range from 1:5 for overnight campers who are 4 and 5 years old, to 1:12 for day campers ages 15 to 17.
What are their safety procedures?
Make sure the camp does background checks on all employees, has EMTs nearby, staff trained in CPR and first aid and lifeguards if there will be swimming. If transportation is involved, ask about the training and licensing of drivers, how often vehicles are inspected, etc. What is their approach to conflicts that may arise?
Too much unstructured time can sometimes lead to conflicts between campers. Ask the camp director directly how they deal with situations like this, and make sure you’re comfortable with it.
What do others say about the camp?
Learn more about the reputation of the camp by checking these three things: its return rate, accreditation status and references. If it’s a good camp, people come back. Ask the director for references. Check out the camp website and online reviews, and you may even visit the physical site.
Happy camping!
Gina Klein is a homeschool mom and author who resides with her two daughters and husband in Kansas City.
MATCH A
CAMP TO YOUR CHILD
Summer is an exciting season, full of family fun and activity. With no school and kids in need of entertainment and adventure, it can also be a stressful time for parents. Many families take advantage of summer camps to add to their child’s engagement over the summer.
When you begin exploring all the options for summer camp, you’ll be wanting to find the right fit for your child. Camps run the spectrum as far as activities, duration and location are concerned. To help you plan a summer that is both engaging and stressfree, we have rounded up a quick guide to finding the right camp for your kiddos!
ART CAMPS. Does your child love to draw, paint and create? Art camps can vary between all-day programs and halfday programs and offer your child the opportunity to learn new and interesting ways to express creativity. This is also a fantastic way to score some beautiful new art pieces to display on the fridge!
June 7 – August 13, 2021
Join us for summer camp at one of our five KC Parks & Recreation community centers. 7:30 a.m. 5:30 p.m. • Monday Friday • Ages 6 13 Day Camp: $80/week Hillcrest • Kansas City North • Southeast Tony Aguirre • Westport Roanoke
KCPARKS.ORG
SPORTS CAMPS. Does your child have boundless energy and a competitive spirit? A sports camp might be the answer! Many programs focus on a single sport, such as gymnastics, soccer or basketball, while some sports camps provide days dedicated to each sport and cover a variety throughout the duration of the camp. “We love basketball camp during the summer. It lets my boys run around, it helps them learn new skills and it gives us a bit of structure during the long days of summer,” says Gwen Collins, Kansas City, KS, mom.
THEATER CAMPS. Does your child enjoy performing? Give theater camp a try! Singing, dancing and acting are all aspects of most performing arts camps. “Theater camp has been such a blessing,” says Michelle Willis, Kansas City, MO, mom. “Our daughter loves to sing and perform, and trying out the camp was a great way for her to learn about the theater and see if it was something she wanted to explore further.”
EDUCATIONAL CAMPS. Is your child looking for a new academic challenge? Education focused camps could be a great option. These camps vary widely, so be sure to investigate what options are available in your area. Some educational camps are focused on a single subject, such as math camp. Other types of academic camps cover a variety of subjects and offer a range of academic challenges.
OUTDOOR CAMPS. Does your child love the great outdoors? From Scouting camps to wilderness adventure camps, options abound for sleep-away camps that get your kids involved in outdoor activities. “Our kids go to sleep-away camp every summer for two weeks,” Mark Doogan, Shawnee dad, says. “They get to spend time boating, playing games outside and sleeping in bunks with their friends. We get to spend some time finishing house projects and sneaking in a few date nights. It is a win-win for everyone!”
Some additional things to take into account when selecting a camp: • Consider your child’s age and ensure the activities are appropriate. Not only should you consider how long the sessions last, but also whether your child will be able to keep up with the activities. Kids have the most fun in an environment where they can succeed. • Find out where your child’s friends are going to camp. Depending on your child’s personality and age, going to camp may be more comfortable with familiar faces. Ask your child whether she prefers to go with friends or strike out on her own and make new friends. • Cost can vary widely between camps and is based on multiple factors. Make sure to learn the cost of the camps your child is considering and align the choices with your family’s budget. Many camps offer different pricing options based on different camp schedules and different program lengths.
Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer, wife and mom of three living in Overland Park.
Preparing Happy Campers
while it feels strange to be reading about summer camp with snow and cold temperatures still plaguing us, believe it or not, you are right on time! Camp registrations start soon (some probably already have), so let’s take a look at how to tackle this sometimes overwhelming process.
Whether you are looking into single day or weeklong camps, or even overnight ones, the best place to start is by figuring out what interests your children. Just because you want them to participate in something doesn’t mean they will want to … and why waste the money or haggle with your kids each time they must go? Meredith, mom of one, says, “My husband and I both enjoyed playing tennis when we were in elementary school, so we signed our 8-year-old up for a weeklong half-day camp. She didn’t enjoy it, and luckily we hadn’t made a long-term commitment of time and money to lessons.”
Once you’ve narrowed down interests, look at your family calendar and determine which days and weeks are available. While doing this in February can be difficult, at least plug in the things you know to be nonnegotiable. At this time, you’ll also want to consider just how busy you want the schedule to be, which can be different depending on how many children you have and what they are involved in. I thought scheduling several activities into June and basically nothing in July last summer would be great for our family. The reality was, having so much downtime in July was difficult for all four of our kids—and me—so we’ll definitely plan things differently this year!
Once you have determined interests and schedules, do the actual research to see what last piece of the puzzle will fit … the camps! Angie, mom of two, says, “Start researching camp options early. Some camps offer a discount if you register early, plus this also guarantees a spot for your child in the camp that best fits with your schedule.” Meredith says, “We waited too long to enroll last year and missed out on a few opportunities we had hoped to participate in.”
Don’t let the many local and nearby options overwhelm you. Chat with other families to see what camps or places come recommended—and maybe even see whether a classmate wants to join your child in camp. This could be particularly helpful if considering an overnight camp.
Summer camp is a time-honored tradition that can create a lifetime of memories. “We are lucky to live in an area with so many great resources!” Meredith says. “City and county recreation centers, school districts, gyms and dance studios offer a wide variety of camps that last anywhere from an hour to a full day. You name an activity, and I bet there is a camp for it!” So, get out there, do your research and start registering!
Julie Collett writes from Overland Park and is hoping her children will want to try a new camp this summer. Genesis Mighty Camp At Mighty Camp, we leverage everything we do to maximize fun, increase positive self-talk, and build problem-solving skills. We leave parents proud of their child’s growth! Camp includes 9 different sports, daily swimming, field trips, STEAM activities, cooking, improv, and yoga. Through our well-rounded camp programming, we create environments where children thrive! Mighty campers spend their days playing, laughing, growing, connecting with friends, and being celebrated for who they are. See display ad on pg. 26. GenesisHealthClubs.com/camps
KCMO Parks and Rec Get ready for 10 weeks of fun with KC Parks Summer Enrichment Camp! This year’s camp includes educational enrichment opportunities, crafts, games and safe socialization. KC Parks follows CDC guidelines for all our programs. Campers will also enjoy guest speakers, art projects, sports and more! Camp is $80 per week. Visit www.KCParks.org for details. See display ad on pg. 30.
Leawood Camps The City of Leawood Parks, Recreation and Cultural Arts department is offering a variety of summer camps for all ages and interests! Join us for creative and engaging art camps, fun and active sports camps and day camps, and curiosity inspiring nature camps. Increased staff, social distancing and mask wearing will be used so everyone can enjoy the fun safely! Reservations are open, visit www.leawood.org or call 913.663.1954 to register today. See display ad on pg. 29.
Madam President Madam President Camp is a week-long virtual and in person camp that helps girls ages 9-13 years old learn about themselves and positions them for civic and community leadership. We provide six camps in June at locations across the Kansas City community in a safe, healthy environment with health protocols in place. Each camper completes a special project with a mentor. Campers learn about government, leadership, negotiation, giving presentations and team building. We offer scholarships. See display ad on pg. 33. www.MadamPresidentCamp.org
Summer at Barstow Kansas City’s favorite summer camps for kids ages 3-14! Choose from 500+ offerings. Campers love Summer at Barstow’s action-packed adventures in creative arts, athletics, academics and STEAM. Parents love our experienced instructors, 4:1 camper-to-staff ratio, extended care & affordability. NEW THIS YEAR: Outside the Box offerings for parents and kids—plus an exclusive college admissions bus tour. May 24Aug. 13. View catalog & enroll at www.barstowschool.org/summer. Email summer@barstowschool.org or call 816.277.0445 for more information. See display ad pg. 31.
Youthfront Bring on the fun! Youthfront Camp is excited to welcome campers and families this summer. Overnight and Day Camp sessions are available for students entering grades 1-12. Camps feature splash parks, theme nights, zip-lines and more. At Youthfront, kids can grow in their relationship with God and make friendships that last a lifetime! Family Day Passes will also be available for a limited time. Learn more and register at youthfront.com/summercamp. See display ad on pg. 33.
BRING BRING ON THE ON THE FUN FUN
Register with code KCP21 to receive $15 o .
day camps • overnight camps • grades 1-12 splash parks • ropes courses • faith-building activities
youthfront.com/summercamp
NEW FOR 2021! Risk-free booking available with our optional Camp Protection Plan. Cancel for any reason and get your money back.
10Ways
FOR MOMS TO HAVE MORE ENERGY
eing a mom is a rewarding
Bjob, but it has a way of quickly using up all of your energy. Errands, sleepless nights, extracurricular activities, school projects, laundry and carpool duty are just some of the things that compose a mom’s endless to-do list. By the end of the day, feeling depleted of energy is all too common for many moms.
So how does a worn out Wonder Woman recharge? Everyone finds different things give her that added boost to get through the day.
Here are some ideas to get you started.
Spend time with friends
A quick and enjoyable way to recharge your batteries is to spend time with friends. Set aside the worries that go along with parenting for a few hours and talk and laugh with friends. If getting out of the house for dinner is too hard, schedule a coffee date while the kids are at school or a playdate that allows the moms to chat while the kids play happily. Another great way to make sure you get a night out is to schedule a monthly dinner, book club or game night with friends. The predictable date eliminates the effort of figuring out schedules, and the fun is more likely to happen if it is on everyone’s calendar each month.
Exercise
Adding exercise to your daily routine seems like it would use up more energy, but the truth is exercise actually can give you more energy. As your body moves, your heart pumps more blood, which delivers more oxygen to your muscles. “As your aerobic fitness increases, your body
becomes more adept at moving oxygen into the blood, which makes your muscles more efficient—and more efficiency equals less energy usage,” according to LiveStrong.com. On the other side of things, obesity has been linked to fatigue and low energy levels.
Eat healthier
It’s no surprise that eating a healthy, well balanced diet gives you more energy to get through the day. We’ve all eaten fast food or relished a piece of cake—a choice that tasted good in the moment but left us feeling sick and sluggish later. Although the occasional treat is fine, choosing healthy items gives you the most energy and keeps you feeling your best, according to Health.Harvard.edu.
Get a good night’s sleep
For some moms, this is easier said than done. You may have a child who still wakes at night, or you may be tempted to stay up late or rise early to work on your long list of to-do’s. If you’re like me, you find yourself enjoying a moment of quiet so much that you stay up late watching TV or reading a book and miss out on time you could be catching up on rest. We all know that a full night’s sleep is going to give us more energy the next day. Listen to your body. If you need to go to bed early or take a nap in the afternoon, allow yourself that break so you are rested. The to-do list will be waiting for you tomorrow.
Treat yourself
If you had a few hours to do whatever you wanted, what would it be? Go out to lunch with a friend? Enjoy a spa day? Curl up with a good book? Whatever comes to mind, make it happen. This may not be feasible every week, but on occasion, you have to allow yourself time to do something you really want to do in order to boost your depleted energy. Ask for help from your partner, a friend, or hire a babysitter to make it happen, then treat yourself. Remember that caring for ourselves is part of what makes us able to care for our families better.
Take a quick pause
There are days when I am overwhelmed by the things on my plate and the kids are pushing every button. I find myself struggling to get through the hardest days, and I end up short-tempered and exhausted. A friend suggested that each day I take 10 minutes for myself in the afternoon to reset my attitude. Some days this is simply taking a shower during nap time, other days it is sitting down with my coffee and just taking a moment to focus on my breathing. Sometimes, sitting down and snuggling with my kids while they watch cartoons gives me a moment to rest and recharge.
Schedule a date night
Parenting is hard work for both moms and dads. Many weeks my husband and I find ourselves passing each other like ships in the night as we take kids to different practices and activities, leaving us little time to talk and reconnect. When we begin to feel distant, it’s time to schedule a date night. This helps both of us relax and recharge. If a babysitter isn’t in the budget, put the kids to bed early and enjoy a late dinner or a movie together.
Protect your time
One of the biggest struggles parents face is lack of free time. We have good intentions of spending quality time with those we love, taking care of ourselves and creating a good work/home/life balance, but then we look at our calendar and it feels out of control. Choose carefully what you commit to when it comes to kids’ extracurricular activities, volunteer opportunities and other obligations. Overcommitment can cause stress and zap all your energy. Saying no is hard for many of us, but chaos is not good for internal peace.
Self care
As moms, we easily become so busy caring for everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves. Do things that maintain your mental and physical health. Practice good hygiene, go to yearly checkups at the dentist and doctor, do monthly breast exams and find things that take care of your mind and body. By choosing to care for yourself, you are teaching your kids that health is a priority and that you want to be an active and energetic part of their lives as long as possible.
Let some things go
The one thing I have learned from being a mom for 14 years is that it’s okay to let some things go. There are only so many hours in the day, and sometimes I find I have no energy for doing the dishes. Although they cannot be ignored indefinitely, they can be ignored for a few hours. If my child wants to wear mismatched clothes, I consider whether a fight is worth my energy and usually decide to let it go. Most household chores can wait until tomorrow if I need to sit down, play with my kids, talk to my spouse and recharge my energy. I know that the to-do list cannot be ignored forever and not every problem can simply be let go. However, when your energy is depleted, it’s okay to let go of some things—even temporarily—in order to be a more attentive, patient and energetic mom. In 10 years, no one will remember whether my house was clean (it isn’t), but they will remember that we laughed, snuggled and did our best each day. They’ll also remember that sometimes Mom needs a break to recharge, and that is important too.
Mom of six Sarah Lyons lives in Olathe with her family.
ways to nurture a confident decision maker
It’s never too early to instill self-confidence in your children, and you may learn along with them!
we adults often struggle with decisions we make, from selecting the dinner menu to changing jobs to buying the right car. Some choices, of course, are bigger than others— and this is how our children feel as they learn and grow. They decide what toys they want to share, how they want to dress for school and which friends to make.
To take the dread out of making decisions, parents and children both need to strengthen a key character trait: self-esteem. This characteristic is incredibly valuable for your child’s happiness and well-being throughout life. This development begins in early infancy and continues into adulthood, and when it’s nourished, your son or daughter will be more successful in school and life.
Quite simply, self-esteem means having the confidence in one’s own ability to do anything. It also involves liking who you are as a person and believing in yourself. Early development of this thinking sets a firm foundation for your children. When they feel good about themselves, they are better able to feel liked and accepted and believe in themselves, which makes them more responsible and self-motivated. When they are confident, they will be better decision makers and have more willingness to believe that old adage if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Cultivating self-esteem begins at home when you make sure kids feel loved, safe and accepted. Some children may have more trouble believing in themselves than others, and it is up to you to recognize this and always praise your children for any job well done. Notice, too, when they put in hard work—regardless of the outcome.
For a parent, letting go is hard, but parents need to allow failure to happen. The experience is an important learning tool and allows you to then encourage your children to try again. Create little helpers of your children, for example, in the kitchen, in the garden and in the laundry room. Then praise them for their efforts and be supportive and positive. You set a huge example when you put effort into your own daily tasks as a parent, and having that positive attitude makes all the difference.
There are countless opportunities to create a self-confident child. Once, when my children had a chance to select a toy to give their cousins for Christmas, I noticed my son was always asking his sister, “Is this the toy I should choose?” She then made the decision for him. I made a point to tell him that whatever he chose, be it a stuffed animal, a Barbie doll or a baseball bat, it was his choice. This worrying about input from others can cause anxiety, and teaching your children to rely on their own opinions will serve them well in school and on into college and marriage.
Child psychologists point out that more introverted children tend to be overthinkers, and learning how to make quicker decisions can be a development process. As parents, we can try to help guide children at a younger age. Remember to empathize but try not to solve the issue for them. Do listen without jumping in and don’t attempt to rob them of age-appropriate decision-making practice. If we always talk them out of it or into it, they rarely get the chance to practice their own decision-making and problemsolving skills.
A family therapist suggests using words like “seems like” and “sounds like” to help A family therapist suggests using words like “seems like” and “sounds like” to help children identify what they are feeling. For example, “It sounds like you are not sure you want a dog, seems like you are feeling stuck.”
children identify what they are feeling. For example, “It sounds like you are not sure you want a dog, seems like you are feeling stuck.” This makes them aware that their feelings are important and they can calm down and take time to think about and make their own choice.
For girls, there is an important connection between risk-taking and confidence. Make sure you take the time to tell a daughter you cannot make the decisions for her—and make sure she knows you are confident she will make the right choice. Look for small moments to make choices. Perhaps in the grocery store you can let your son or daughter decide whether the family will have broccoli or green beans for dinner.
As your children get older and become teens, keep the ball in their court as much of the time as possible. For example, if you are constantly directing your child to go out for the basketball team, when you hear him say he wants to go into acting, try not to steer him into something he is not good at. This robs him of opportunities to choose what is fulfilling for him.
When we tell our children, “That didn’t hurt,” or “Wear your jacket or you’ll be cold,” we subtly undermine their own assessment of different situations. This hampers their growth into adults who trust their own opinions. Simply put the jacket in the backpack, Mom, so it’s handy if needed.
Encouraging your children to make their own decisions will help them resist temptation when other friends are doing any activity they don’t think is a good choice. Help them get in touch with how they feel when they choose to follow their inner compass at an early age. This practice helps them recognize when that behavior does not match their goals or beliefs.
Discuss learning to live with regret, and that part of making decisions is at times making the wrong ones. Let your kiddos feel regret and help them find ways to work through the discomfort, such as writing the regret on a piece of paper, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it away, or folding it into a paper airplane and sending it flying. This symbolic act holds a deep meaning and will stick with them. There is always a next time!
It is quite normal for any child to struggle with self-esteem, and as a parent, you will always find ways to support your child through individual struggles and encourage positive self-esteem. The most precious gift you can give your children is love, a safe haven and nurturing relationship at home. This way they will know that whatever happens, they can count on you to never say, “I told you so!”
An avid outdoors girl, Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
Sources: SanfordHealth.org, WashingtonPost.com
BE BETTER, NOT BITTER: navigating through tough times
You can’t see the forest for the trees. Adults understand this adage. In other words, focusing on the small details or temporary aspects of a situation clouds our ability to see the bigger picture. And while we have had many years to see, finally, that forest in all its glory, our children are not so prepared.
For those little ankle biters of ours, even the smallest difficult situation can seem insurmountable. In grief, sadness and big feelings, children often mistake temporary emotions as permanent. To help them through, it is paramount we parents have our children’s back, no matter the circumstance. And like all things in parenting, the task certainly is not easy.
Here are eight ways to help your children navigate the valleys, so they can quickly get back to the peaks.
Unconditional love – Your children should never, at any time, wonder whether you love them. Whether they are experiencing something painful that is their fault, or completely out of their control, you must lead with love. Start difficult conversations with, “I love you, no matter what. Now, let’s talk about why you put glue in your sister’s hair.”
Turn off your mouth – This is not the time for grand speeches or well, when I was your age anecdotes. Just zip it. Ask your child to tell you the whole story, beginning to end, in her own words. Don’t rush her. Fight the urge to interject with questions.
Ways to Get Through the Tough Times Today:
1. Say, “I love you.” Maybe you already said it twice today. Say it again. 2. Have a snuggle session. Pop the popcorn and put on your child’s favorite movie. You are not allowed to look at your phone the entire time. Watch the movie, even if you’ve seen the teenage mermaid get legs 1,000 times. Be present. 3. Initiate a late-night surprise. If you have a teen who is struggling, trust that he loves nothing more than junk food at midnight. Set an alarm (because I know you go to bed at 9:30) and order a pizza. Eat it together and just talk. 4. Make your child your valentine. It’s the season to shower your spouse with love but surprise your kids by making a special Valentine’s package for them. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or overblown. The thought is truly what counts.
Stay still, maintain eye contact and listen with your whole body. This sounds relatively simple, but it’s one of the most difficult things in the world to do. Parents want to fix and make it all go away. But your children must learn to be the head coach in their own dilemmas. Let them.
Ask, don’t tell – If your child has gotten into a sticky situation, do your best to let him work the problem. Remind him that the answer is there, and you’ll find it together. What does he think the next step should be? If you think his solution isn’t adequate, explain why and offer an addendum. Never tell him what he’s suggested is wrong or bad. No one ever learned a lesson by being shut down. When you get to a resolution, praise him for working through it to come to the right answer.
Be humble – It may seem like the cloud floating over your child’s head is inconsequential. There are bigger problems are out there, right? Wrong. To your child, this problem in this moment feels overwhelming. Especially in these unprecedented times, everything feels amplified. A minor kerfuffle with a good friend might feel like the end of the world. A B+ for a normally straight A student could feel like the shattering of an expectation she didn’t even know she had created for herself. Don’t presume to know why your child is getting so down about an issue. Get support – Hold onto your hat because this might surprise you. You do not know everything. Not by a long shot. Every child has his own set of quirks and peculiarities that shape and form his reactions to tough times. Some of those situations are far enough outside our abilities to parent that additional help is needed. Counseling and therapy are great tools to utilize if your child’s sadness or dark times fail to improve in an acceptable amount of time—or worsen. Put your ego aside and recognize when the issue has gone past your own abilities.
Share your feelings – As a kid I remember I couldn’t wait to be an adult so I wouldn’t fear the basement anymore. What an interesting surprise I received when, as it turns out, I still skip the last basement stair, so a ghost doesn’t grab my ankles. Kids need to know their parents are human beings. It creates an instant bond when they realize they are not alone in their emotions. Share stories from your childhood that mirror what your children are experiencing. And though it might seem like their eyes are glued to the ceiling, know that the words are sinking in. It’s in a child’s contract to act like everything you’re saying is stupid.
Try a new approach – As kids grow up, they may not feel comfortable sharing everything with you face to face. Embarrassment or worries about being judged can keep us frozen in our fears. Remove the fear by offering a more detached approach. Create a box in your house like a suggestion box you would see at a store. Let your children know that every night you’ll check that box for notes. Anytime the kids need help, they can write their problem or question on a piece of paper and put it in the box. When you read it, you’ll have the gift of time. You and your partner can gather your thoughts and address the note when you’ve processed how the issue can be handled. Your child gets the benefit of not having to say uncomfortable things out loud. Win, win, win.
Offer praise – Times are hard. Harder than many of us have ever experienced. Give the kids a break. They are navigating through issues like acne and applying eyeliner, and their parents are home all the time. Make a true effort to praise them for the little things. Did they throw their lunch trash away without being told? This is a win! Thank them for what they bring to your life and reiterate how proud you are of them. Share with them that you know how difficult things are, and you are going to come out of it together. Better and stronger than ever.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.
want to move your family abroad? nine essential tips to get from here to there
Whether you’ve been assigned to another nation for work or long to globetrot with your family for other reasons, you may wonder how realistic an international move is, especially with kids.
The idea isn’t as far-fetched as it may seem.
According to four-time expat Jessica Drucker, an expat coach and author of How to Move Abroad and Why It’s the Best Thing You’ll Do, nearly nine million Americans have made the leap to live in another nation.
“American expats would make up the 12th largest state in the United States if counted together,” Drucker says.
Know your “why.” Before pulling up stakes and moving your family abroad, consider the reasons why you want to relocate to another part of the globe. Perhaps you’d like to introduce your children to another culture or language.
Or, maybe you’d like to “find somewhere with a slower pace of life where you actually have time to see each other; where a student having weapons at school is unheard of; or where you can travel to cities and countries nearby that would have been impossible to find time to visit while based in the States,” Drucker says.
Emily Maher, an author coach, teacher and a mom of a 6-year-old, has lived in Bogota, Colombia, for the past 10 years. She says she dreamed of living in a place that was “stimulating and exciting” ever since she was a child.
“When I was in my 20s, I moved around a lot within the United States and other countries, but never quite felt at home until I met my husband and we fell in love in Bogota,” Maher says. “I loved how the culture was warm and caring on the one hand, and yet it was urban and stimulating at the same time.”
Consider your child’s age and
temperament. To determine how well your child might adjust to an international move consider his age and stage of development. A teenager who is centered in peer relationships may have a harder time adjusting to a new country compared to a young child whose parents are the center of his universe.
If your child is more of an introvert, research suggests she may struggle with more nervousness or anxiety in the midst of a major change.
“But there are also surprises,” says Katia Vlachos, an expat transition coach currently based in Switzerland and the author of A Great Move: Surviving and Thriving in Your Expat Assignment. “Perhaps the introverted child will be better able than the extroverted one to deal with the unavoidable loneliness of the first few weeks after the move. You know your child best.”
Plan the essentials. Whether you’ve been gifted time to plan your move or your move is immediately pending, it’s crucial to get your paperwork and finances in order before you go.
“This may include residence and work permits, financial and tax matters, medical matters, other kinds of insurance, bank accounts,” Vlachos says.
The amount of paperwork and the timing to process that paperwork can vary by nation. Break up big priorities into smaller tasks and create a timeline for yourself with what needs to be done when and by whom.
“If your move is sponsored, it’s important to be proactive—pay attention early to what kind of support your employer is providing or could potentially provide,” Vlachos says.
Scope out schools. As you research your new destination, learn about the school system to determine what will be the best fit for your child or teen. Many American, British and international schools follow a similar curriculum to the U.S. and can make your child’s adjustment easier, while also teaching the local language. But these private schools can be expensive, especially in large urban areas where the cost of living is higher.
“You will also land in more of an expat bubble, whereby you are meeting families of fellow expats more than locals,” Drucker says. “This can feel great to have friends who understand your difficulties, but can be harder to fully integrate over time.”
If you and your family don’t speak the local language, consider hiring a tutor. And keep in mind, younger kids generally learn other languages easily and are likely to adjust quickly in a local school system.
“If you are moving to a country where you know that the level of public school education is similar (or better!) to what you expect back home, then consider enrolling them in public school,” Drucker advises.
Expect a few bumps in the road.
Transitions are challenging no matter the circumstances, but culture shock, language barriers and general uncertainty around the unknown may have you second-guessing your decision.
“The adjustment phase can be hard. It can be hard when your kids look to you for answers, and you don’t have them, or if you are going through culture shock, and they are not. You can feel a little left behind, like why can’t you adjust and they can?” Drucker says. “It is a lumpy, uneven process with ups and downs, and there will definitely be times where you doubt why you ever did this to your family in the first place. That is why it is very important to know your ‘why.’”
To help your kids adjust, get them involved in activities they already enjoy in your new home. If they love soccer, for example, explore options for a soccer program. Not only will this help them connect with new friends, you’ll also begin to meet other families.
“Parents are often surprised at how much more quickly their kids integrate than they do. They are in school, so you meet other families. They learn the language faster than you do, consume pop culture more quickly and just generally integrate much more easily,” Drucker says.
Bridge the gap. “Something that’s critically important, but most people don’t think about when they move, is reflecting on how to make sure the family will feel at home,” Vlachos says.
Thoroughly research your destination to get a sense of what daily life is like where you are headed, including the climate, people, history, social norms and values.
“Building this familiarity helps create a sense of home much faster,” Vlachos says. “As you research your new home, think of the elements of your current life that you would like to include into your new life. What will you miss the most? Your house, your rituals, the food, the music? Research will help you identify the best ways to maintain a connection to the elements of home that mean the most to you.”
Beware of getting too attached to your way of seeing or doing things, which can make you feel isolated in your new location.
“If you hold too tightly to the perspective of where you came from, you may always feel awkward,” Maher warns. “Question your beliefs and know your real values. People
will accept you for who you are if you’re confident in who that is. Then you can choose what you like from both cultures.”
As the mom of a son, Maher says she particularly embraces the family-centered nature of her adopted country and the tight bonds typically formed between mothers and their sons in the Latino culture.
“But I also like being casual and authentic about the way I look and express myself, which is far more American—blue jeans and sitcom sarcasm,” she says.
Acknowledge the sacrifices. You and your children will likely feel the pain of saying goodbye to close friends, family and familiar routines. You may miss out on major celebrations and life events like funerals, weddings or anniversaries that you otherwise would have attended. Vlachos recommends acknowledging and allowing yourselves to grieve these losses.
Tap resources. Gather as much information as possible through books, magazines and online resources.
“Remember, millions of people have gone before you and many have created content to help you follow in their footsteps. The resources are out there for you to find,” Drucker says.
Reach out early to other expats in the nation or city where you are headed. Expat groups in specific cities and countries can be found across Facebook and are excellent resources as you research housing, schools, typical transition issues, cost of living, climate and social norms.
Follow local bloggers to discover as much as you can about your destination. You might also consider hiring an expat transition coach. These seasoned folks can share their experiences while delivering timely, expert advice. They can answer your questions, address specific challenges and ease the stress and uncertainty surrounding a move abroad.
Celebrate the rewards. “The world is only going to be more and more connected,” Drucker says. “Giving your kids the gift of being global citizens with global connections and an ability to operate in a global environment is only setting them up for the kind of success the future requires.”
Freelance writer and former military brat Christa Melnyk Hines lived in Germany as a child and remembers those four years as some of the happiest of her life.
