Ways to Thank a Veteran

H H H H H 11 Ways Families Can Salute a Veteran H H H H H

During this month of Thanksgiving, don’t forget our military service members. Many organizations and veterans groups offer ways to help support and show gratitude to members of the armed forces. Help a veteran, a deployed service member and military families know you appreciate their sacrifices. Here’s how:

Help an expectant military mom. Nothing relieves a soldier’s worries more than knowing his family is supported back home. Soldiers’ Angels Baby Brigade (formerly Operation Top Knot), an organization started by college student Audri Cid in 2003, is a nationwide network of individuals who sew, knit and create gift baskets to support new and expectant mothers whose husbands are deployed. To donate baby blankets, diapers, bottles, clothing and other items, visit SoldiersAngels.org/Baby-Brigade-Team.html.

Write a letter. Remind veterans and their families you’re thinking about them and appreciate their commitment to our nation. Write a letter to a deployed soldier, a wounded warrior or a veteran who has served in past wars through OperationGratitude.com or OperationWeAreHere.com. Support their furry friends. Raise money to go toward fostering pets of active duty service members, wounded warriors and homeless veterans. Guardian Angels for Soldier’s Pet is a nonprofit organization that finds qualified foster families to care for pets while soldiers are deployed or when military families transfer overseas. The foster families also care for pets whose warriors have died.

Contribute to Paralyzed Veterans of America. This organization supports veterans who suffer from a spinal cord injury. Participate in one of the organization’s sporting events or fundraisers, make a monetary donation or collect and donate bags of clothing, shoes, belts, hats, books, CDs and small household goods. For more information, visit PVA.org.

Assist disabled and wounded veterans. Volunteer at your local Veterans Affairs (VA) hospital or help disabled veterans by running errands, doing yard work or assisting them with transportation. Contact DAV.org for more information. Also, check out the Wounded Warrior Project for other ways to help injured service members. Share your points. Fisher House, which builds homes where military and veterans’ families can stay while their service member is receiving treatment at a nearby VA hospital, also runs programs called Hero Miles and Hotels for Heroes. Consider donating your frequent flyer airline miles or hotel points to help loved ones be near their sick or injured service member. Visit FisherHouse.org to learn more.

Aid service dogs. Patriot Paws trains dogs to serve disabled veterans. You can volunteer to help the organization by bathing and walking dogs, running errands or fundraising. For more information, visit PatriotPaws.org.

Clip coupons. Don’t toss your expired coupons! Military families stationed overseas can use coupons for up to six months past the expiration dates. Visit CoupsForTroops.com for drop-off sites or to find out where to mail your coupons.

Donate DVDs. DVDS4Vets is a nonprofit organization started by Dr. Richard Landis, an orthopedic surgeon who helped build clinics in Afghanistan, and James F. Nicholson, who served as an Air Force pilot in Korea between 1950 and 1953. Landis and Nicholson saw a need to provide basic

entertainment for veterans who returned home with traumatic brain injuries and other serious wounds and were undergoing long-term rehabilitation. To donate used or new DVDs to veterans, visit DVDs4Vets.org.

Send a care package. Soldiers who are serving far from home look forward to receiving mail. Visit AnySoldier.com to learn how to send a letter and what is appropriate for care packages. If you’d like to help support a veteran who does not have family to assist in the transition to home and civilian life, check out the Adopt a Veteran program through SoldiersAngels. org. Those who volunteer to be an Adopting Angel make a 12-month commitment to send a letter each week and a small gift once a month, tailored to the individual veteran’s specific needs.

Say thank you. If you see a soldier in uniform or a veteran, a simple “Thank you for your service” is a considerate way to express your gratitude. For more ways to thank a vet, visit KidsThankAVet.com.

Freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines, daughter of retired USAF SMSgt. Walter Melnyk, is thankful for all of our veterans and their families for their sacrifices and service.

H Veterans Day Quiz H

Veterans Day originated after this war:

A. WWII B. Revolutionary War C. WWI

Answer (C): Veterans Day originated as Armistice Day on Nov. 11, 1919, to mark the one-year anniversary of Germany’s signing of the armistice to formally end WWI.

What year did Veterans Day become a national holiday?

A. 1919 B. 1938 C. 1945

Answer (B): Veterans Day became a national holiday in 1938.

Which U.S. president changed the name of the holiday from Armistice Day to Veterans Day?

A. Dwight D. Eisenhower B. John F. Kennedy C. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Answer (A): In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed legislation to change the name of the holiday to Veterans Day, to honor all those who served in American wars.

Embracing Failure

Failing needs to be a lesson on the road to maturity. And it’s just as important as achieving success.

Ready, set, ... fail? So often, in the course of raising children, we keep our gaze looking toward the next milestone, achievement or success. But did you know that failing needs to be a lesson on the road to maturity? And it’s just as important as achieving success

Perhaps the most important work that needs to be done when embracing failure is defining it. What does failure mean to you? For some people, it’s the end of the world. For others, it’s simply a mistake, a learning and growing experience. One of those perceptions inspires dread, the other gives hope. But the question is a valid one, because what you believe as a parent will be passed down to your children. Your fears will become theirs if you aren’t careful.

“Kids need to learn how to fail so they know they can survive it. When they fail and overcome, they learn that failure doesn’t define them,” says Kansas City teacher Sheri Thompson, who has spent 23 years with children. She has a degree in early childhood education and has taught kids from kindergarten to high school. She is a big believer that parents need to learn to embrace failure in their children’s lives and not try to avoid it at all costs. “When you’re young, you learn the coping mechanisms to overcome failure,” she says. “It’s important because as you grow older, the consequences of failing become greater.”

If children never fail, they never learn they can get past it. This is a huge stumbling block that can develop into a fear of failure and result in kids’ being afraid to try new things. Unless kids deliberately work through this, the fear can continue into adulthood and limit opportunities.

As a parent, you can help your child overcome a fear of failing by focusing more on the effort put into achieving something than the actual goal. Sometimes your child will go into a situation as a top contender. Other times, she may be the underdog. Both of these situations can hold equal victory if you recognize and applaud the fact that she’s giving everything she has toward reaching the goal. Of course, coming out on top, getting the grade or winning the prize is more fun, but recognizing the effort over the outcome gives her the courage to go after the goal again if she falls short.

Thompson says failure teaches persistence, a key to a successful life. “It’s healthy development to learn how to persevere. We want our kids to keep trying. It inspires creativity and tenacity,” she says. It also keeps doors open.

Let’s face it. Everyone fails at something. In fact, the first time you try something, there’s a good chance you will fail. But do you really? If you are stepping out and trying something new—a sport, a hobby, a career—and you don’t come out on top, should that really be counted as failure? Or should it be applauded as going after something new? As having courage?

It’s unrealistic to think your children will be an immediate success at whatever they try. Some kids are natural athletes and hit every shot they shoot or ball that’s pitched. Others have to work hard just to keep their eye on the ball. Some kids seem to be born reciting multiplication facts, and others have to battle through math each step of the way. That’s just the reality of abilities and aptitudes, but they have nothing to do with whether your child is a success or failure. In raising whole and healthy children, help them learn that giving everything they’ve got, no matter how talented they are, should count for more than anything that comes naturally.

We also need to be realistic in our efforts to encourage our children. Not every Little League player is going to make the MLB, nor is every gymnast going to make it to the

Olympics. We parents need to manage our expectations and help kids manage theirs. Dr. Kate Roberts says in her article “When Parents Lie,” the words we use are very important. “Researchers at MIT have found that children are not gullible and can, in fact, sense when parents are lying to them, causing them to distrust the very people who are their caretakers. Children also know when parents are withholding information.”

Instead, work on giving children a healthy perspective of self. You can start by telling them what you aren’t good at. Share a time you tried and failed or when you realized you weren’t going to be the Broadway star or the next Albert Einstein. Laugh at yourself and teach your child to do the same. Sign kids up for sports because you want them to exercise and socialize instead of wanting them to get a scholarship. It lessens pressure and allows events to take their course.

Thompson recounts a group outing where a boy walked into the room and said, “Okay, I’m going to be the worst bowler Checking in: • Is your child reluctant to try new things? • Does he procrastinate? • Is she filled with overwhelming anxiety when faced with a project? • Is your child a perfectionist? • Or say things like “I’m not smart enough” or “I’ll never get on the team?”

If you answered yes to several of these questions, your child might be focusing too much on the goal and may need help recognizing that effort, not just outcome, defines success.

here.” He then proceeded to bowl poorly— but he was able to laugh at his inability and still have a great time with his friends. His lack of skill did not hinder his enjoyment.

Embracing failure doesn’t mean kids give up on their dreams or settle for less than they can be. In fact, it means just the opposite and can be extremely important in achieving success. Thompson says, “It’s okay to have high expectations, just help them recognize they’re going to have setbacks along the way. Help them to be realistic about what they can achieve and encourage them to go for it.”

And if you’re looking for a way to introduce the concept to your kids, I highly recommend the movie Meet the Robinsons by Disney. It focuses on a boy genius named Lewis who spends most of his time looking back at the past and his failures. This quirky movie has an awesome message about focusing on the good that can come out of bad and celebrates the lessons that come from failure. It’s a great way to open the door for your child to see the value of the journey to success.

Christian Barnes lives in Kansas City with her husband and two nearly grown sons. She’s fascinated by how children think and learn and enjoys sharing any information she’s gathered with others.

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The Quiet Place

FINDING PEACE IN YOUR OWN HOME

Our home has its own soundtrack. During the weekdays, the house is alive with giggles and squeals and the occasional scream as our son prepares for, and arrives home from, preschool. The dogs are constantly barking—especially if FedEx is making a visit—and the smoke detector is likely to go off at least one or twice because I burned the chicken. Again.

The weekend brings its own special audio mix of swinging hammers and electric saws slicing into 2x4’s as my husband works on his latest home reno project. The Moana soundtrack likely blares from Alexa as she entertains my son during his bath. The refrigerator diligently hums along through it all.

There’s always noise. Not most of the time. Not a great deal of the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

In more recent months, the sound has seemed to swell even more. For this we can thank COVID-19, which has forced our family of five to stay within these walls for what I can only describe as an insurmountable length of time. We seem to have no escape from the constant barrage of clamoring throughout this space.

We’re many months into this journey of constant togetherness, so we made some adjustments to help tune out the crazy clatter. Here’s what we’re trying:

Give permission for quiet. Our family is a mixed bag of introverts and extroverts, but the fact is, we all need a little time to ourselves. We’ve made a priority of giving our kids—and ourselves—permission to be alone. With our teenage daughters, this is a foregone conclusion. A fully charged phone and a subscription to Netflix are just the ticket. With our 5-year-old son, it’s not so easy. We recently began turning off the “boob tube” (for you youngsters, that’s slang for “television”) and requiring that, for at least one hour, he do something on his own. He can play in his room, take a nap, read, build a city with his trains. But he must do it on his own, quietly. He fought the decree initially but caught on quickly when he realized we were serious. Now, it’s not so hard to convince him.

Get out–literally. Speak with your partner and preserve one hour of “no talk zone” for each of you per day. Just like the parameters we gave our son. No one can bother your partner while he’s in his hour zone, and vice versa for you. And if I can make a suggestion, use the time for a long walk alone. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after an endorphin boost while birds sing your praises. Or Ozzy Osbourne screeches in your headphones. To each her own.

Get up earlier than everyone else. Okay, you probably already do this to get a jump on the dishes, laundry or lesson plans for home learning. But if you can swing it, get up an extra 30 minutes before that. Grab a steaming a cup of coffee and just sit … in silence. No phone. No TV. No distractions. Take deep breaths in and let them go. Then get going on the dishes.

Establish a no-phone zone. Our phones are easily one of the biggest sources of noise. Even if our phones are silenced, we can still hear the vibration or see the light from a notification. Did someone like our Facebook post? Did I just get an interesting notification about a stock I invested in? The sound may not be audible, but phones create mental noise that’s not healthy. Consider taking a few hours a day to turn off your phone. Power it down or put it in airplane mode and leave it alone. Take that walk or go out to the garden. I promise, your notifications will be there when you get back.

Strip down social media. If you’re like me, you love seeing your best friend’s family photos with cute captions about bubblegum smiles. You get your daily dose of news from Facebook and cheap entertainment from Tik Tok. But guess what? Social media is not real life. The whole intent of Instagram and similar sites is to show a life that isn’t attainable. And real research shows we actually feel worse about ourselves when we see others in their chosen reality. So do yourself a big ol’ favor and set limits on the amount of time you spend on these sites. A quick Google search will show you how to limit your time consumption on apps; you won’t even have to think about it.

Read. Read. Read. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t matter what you read. It can be gore. It can be a dishwasher manual. It can be dark psychological thrillers where people get axe murdered left and right (but that’s just me). Find a quiet corner in your house for 20 minutes a day. Tell yourself you won’t stop reading until you’ve finished two chapters. Reading quiets our minds so we can process the words and make room in our imaginations for the content we’re consuming. It’s one of the best activities you can do to better yourself, your mood and your outlook on life. Also, get yourself a library card and download the Libby app. You can check books out using your library card and have them delivered to your phone. Life changing. Truly connect. We’re always hearing, but how often do we really listen? Try an experiment. Ask your spouse or partner a question that requires true thought one night over dinner. For example: “What was the first movie you went to? Tell me about the whole experience.” Then sit back and focus on nothing but the answer. Tune out everything else and intensely listen. Believe me, your partner will be shocked that you care so much about this very ordinary question. As humans, we’ve been trained to all the noises except those that are most important. Really listen; chances are, you’ll be asked the same question in return.

Kim Antisdel lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.

Three Quick Ways to Cut the Noise:

1. Hear healthy noise: Hundreds of apps and white noise makers are available that help drown out the sound of leaky faucets, crickets and neighborhood parties. Get one today and sleep better tonight. White noise is the best noise.

2. Noise cancelling headphones: If you’re working from home, consider purchasing some high-performance noise canceling headphones. Your concentration is only as good as the noise you’re letting in.

3. Tap into the positive voice in your head: Download some meditation apps that help you to hear the good things in life. You have a spectrum of things you can listen to; focus on the ones that fill your heart and soul.