12 minute read
Party Guide
the no-gift birthday party
Chances are your kid will attend dozens of birthday parties over the course of the next few years. At even $10 a pop for a gift, that can really add up. Now think of all the gifts that come into your own home for birthdays and other holidays. Picture at least half of that stuff eventually going into a landfill or to charity. Talk about a bunch of wasted money! So I’m proposing a radical idea: the no-gift birthday party. You’ll have a lot less cleanup, and the other parents just might thank you. Try it just once and see what you think! Here are some ideas: 1 Instead of giving your child a birthday gift or even a party, consider giving an experience. Ideas include a trip to an indoor or outdoor amusement park, the zoo or water park.
2For very young children, consider giving just one fun gift from you and ask everyone else to gift money for a savings account. I know my babies were too young to care about gifts, but they sure are proud of the money they already have saved for their future.
3Cook up some fun at a place where kids can cook. Businesses like this often offer birthday parties where kids can make their own pizzas or decorate their own little cakes.
4Have a party at a cool place like a nature center and ask for donations. Jaime Perreca, mom of four, says, “More parents are saying ‘no gifts, please’ or are doing a donation thing. We went to a party last month at a nature center and were asked to donate money. Most families put in $10-20. The nature center was SO happy to have our donation.”
Where fun TAKES FLIGHT!
With attractions that cater to any level of adventurer, there’s something fun for everyone.
nowopEn Lenexa • UrbanAirLenexa.com 8540 Maurer Road • Lenexa, KS 66219 • 913-359-5800
ComInGSoon Overland Park • UrbanAirOverlandPark.com 14401 Metcalf Ave • Overland Park, KS 66223 • (913) 298-0626
5Go to a shop where the kids can paint their own pottery creation, which is super fun. Then have cake and ice cream bars.
6Throw a party with an animal theme. Shari Fresorger, mom of Hunter, says, “We have done two no-gift parties because my son has a December birthday. [At the first] we did animal-themed Christmas ornaments, and gifts were donated to the local animal shelter. The second party, I ended up with a large SUV packed with supplies for the animal shelter. Lots of large bags of dog food, blankets, toys and even checks to be donated in my son’s name.”
7Ask guests to bring an item from home or even a new book or toy for charity. Your child will get a kick out of taking donations to a local center that helps those in need. If you do it right, nobody will be thinking about presents at all. They’ll be too busy having fun!
Kerrie McLoughlin is the mom of five. Check out her adventures at TheKerrieShow.com.
visit the virtual party guide at KCParent.com
PAINTING AT HOME AT-HOME BIRTHDAYS You host the party, Ceramic Café provides the fun! CREATIVE STORY TIME PACKAGES Purchase the supplies and watch a video of the story at home! CeramicCafeOnlineStore.com Easy ordering for take home pottery fun!
Princess Partyat my
Have your favorite princess at your party!
Parties Include: Story Games Facepaint Music Prizes & More
Rachel Johnson rachel@princessatmyparty.com 816.830.4841 www.princessatmyparty.com
Have a WILD Birthday Have a WILD Birthday Party Party at the Zoo! at the Zoo!
Go to kansascityzoo.org for details and to book your party today!
for your guide to throwing an unforgettable party in kc!
OPEN DAILY kansascityzoo.org 816.595.1234 The Kansas City Zoo, a private, non-profit organization is operated in agreement with the Kansas City, MO Board of Parks and Recreation Commissioners, partially funded by the Zoological District in Jackson and Clay Counties in MO, and is accredited by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums.
dealing with an underachiever
Life is filled with opposites. Up and down, highs and lows. Sweet and salty and, last but
not least, we have the haves and have nots. What exactly does this have to do with my child and the fact that she’s underachieving? Well, plenty! After you read this article, you’ll walk away with a lot more understanding—and a little bit more information on how to deal with your underachiever.
RULE # 1 – No one strives to be an underachiever. Don’t compare.
From early childhood, people are programmed to go out into the world and give their absolute best effort. We tell our children they can be whatever they want to be and buy toys that help them create or fix things. Naturally, we tell our children what is considered good behavior and what is considered bad. Ultimately, kids just want to be liked, and in their minds, whoever gets the attention, whether good or bad, wins. Overachieving and underachieving can be part of that vying for attention. The Davidson Institution describes this as the “First Best” and “First Worst,” a complex described as competing to be the best but on two opposing ends. Now the drawin: how children gain attention. The real message is how we as parents idolize one good thing over the other and forget everything else in between. Simply put, we praise the first-place winner and forget all about the third-place champ. Now, imagine if your child were that third-place champ. What if your child were the fifthplace runner? Last, imagine him or her coming in fifth place every single race. Bestkept secret? Don’t reward bad behavior or mediocrity and never make your kid feel like his personal best is not the best you’ve ever seen.
RULE #2 – No one is to blame.
It’s easy to throw a pity party for yourself or to blame your child for not trying hard enough. In cases of achievement, don’t do it! The best approach is to be supportive and remain positive. Help your child find what he is good at and support him in his journey; don’t criticize him in hopes he’ll get it. Pushing kids to work harder at something they simply have no interest in or are not good at will only kill their self-esteem, infuriate you or thin your patience. Instead of using your energy to urge your child to work harder at the same thing, try to challenge your child to understand that “thing” in a different way. Alter the approach. Growing up, I had the toughest time trying to understand long division. I had no problem with multiplication and the basics of understanding beforehand. I just didn’t understand why I had to use long division to divide things or why remainders even existed. My mom would get frustrated and ask my older siblings to help me with my homework. My older siblings would quit halfway through my homework lesson, and I’d be left at the kitchen table to figure it out by myself. It wasn’t until my great-grandmother came over to babysit that we discovered I just needed someone to slowly describe the process of division. In that moment, I didn’t feel pressured, pushed to understand something or criticized for not knowing the answers. I was given the same information with a different and more sensitive approach. Now, I can do long division in my sleep, with my hands behind my back, with no paper and with no help. Just think outside the box. You’ll get to the bottom of things for sure. RULE #3 – It’s okay to ask for help.
It takes a village to raise a child, and asking for help doesn’t make you desperate, nor does it make you ignorant. In fact, asking for help can only make you better. Reach out to a professional if your child is consistently exemplifying negative behavior. Turns out Newton’s third law doesn’t apply just to physics. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” There may be a deeper reason or more than one reason as to why your child is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Ask your parents how they dealt with situations like your child is dealing with. Their insight could really help both you and your child.
Jessica Samuel lives in Kansas City and is a freelance writer and photographer.
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The Importance of Finding Your Tribe
When my first child was born 13 years ago, I was thrilled to be a mom and so in love with my son. This was the moment I had been looking forward to for months. My husband and I had decided I would become a stay-at-home mom, and I was looking forward to all the time I could spend with my son. But after just a few months of adjusting to becoming a mom, I began to feel lonely. I had given up my job and, while I was still head over heels in love with my son, something vital seemed missing. I realized quickly that I lacked adult interaction. Whether you work outside the home or stay at home, have one child or five children, whether you are struggling through the exhausting days and sleepless nights of babies and toddlers or the busy schedules of school-age kids, you need a tribe. Many moms define their tribe as other women who understand where they are in life without having to explain a single thing. They get you, they accept you and they cheer you on as you struggle your way through it. If you’re feeling lonely and are seeking a friend, or two, to laugh and cry with through your current stage of motherhood, I encourage you to find your tribe. Unsure of how to find this invaluable group of women? Here are a few places to start.
Be open and accepting
The first step to finding authentic people you can relate to and build lasting relationships with is to be your authentic self. When you’re an open, honest and accepting person, you’ll encourage others to behave the same. Be yourself, listen to what others have to say, accept others for who they are, and relationships will happen organically. It can be uncomfortable—scary even—to put yourself out there, but the relationships far outweigh the risk when you find true friends.
Scope out common interests
Sometimes, finding people to build friendships with can be challenging. Especially when you have a big life change like a move, becoming a parent or changing jobs. Take inventory of what you love to do or what groups are already existing that you could join. For example, if you love running, join a running club. If you love to read, join or start a book club. If you are a mom, join a playgroup or a mother’s group at a local church. Does the PTO at your school need help? Would you consider being a soccer coach or Boy Scout leader? All these examples are great ways to get involved in your community and make friends along the way. After the birth of our triplets, I joined an online group of triplet moms. Four years later, I am surprised to say that they are some of my closest friends and one of my biggest support systems.
Give support and ask for it
One of the main things that makes a tribe so important is the support given and received during the times when it’s needed most. When my daughter was hospitalized for several weeks, my mother’s group supplied meals, gave my other kids rides to and from school, helped with childcare, sent flowers and cards and basically kept my family going when my husband and I couldn’t have done it on our own. They would not have known how to help if I hadn’t reached out to them and asked. Asking for help can be hard for people who are used to managing the family and are good at it too, but remember, during difficult times friends want to help. Just ask. Conversely, you’ll have the chance to be that kind of blessing to others when they need it. Giving a ride to school, making a little extra food to share, sending a text or talking with a friend when she needs a listening ear doesn’t take much extra effort but goes a long way to building your tribe.
Finding your tribe can mean stepping outside your comfort zone and reaching out to others when you’d be more comfortable withdrawing. Although the efforts can be difficult, the rewards of deep friendship and mutual support will make your life richer.
Sarah Lyons is a part-time freelance writer and full-time mom. She lives in Olathe with her family.
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Ages 2 weeks to 12 years Child Development Center
6:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.“Where Your Child Is Special” Ages 2 weeks to 12 years 6:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Two Convenient Locations: 127th & Antioch 913.681.2190 162nd & Metcalf Ave 913.681.2191 Child Development Center “Where Your Child is Special” 10% OFF infant room for first year with new enrollment.
Family Owned and Operated since 1990 weeworkshopchildcare.com Ages 2 weeks to 12 years 6:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Part-Time Preschool (Ages 3-5) 9:00-11:30 or 9:00-3:00
Mother’s Day Out (12 mos-3 years) 9:00-3:00 Two Convenient Locations:
127th & Antioch 162nd & Metcalf Ave Two Convenient Locations: 913.681.2190 913.681.2191 127th & Antioch 162nd & Metcalf Family Owned and Ave 913.681.2190 913.681.2191Operated Since 1990
Family Owned and Operated since 1990 weeworkshopchildcare.com weeworkshopchildcare.com
STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS 1:1 Personalized Tutoring & Academic Coaching for Students in Grades K-7
• experienced educator with MS+ • reinforce & teach basic academic skills • build self-confidence & independence • coordinate with school curriculum • provide parent support • lessons created specifically for your child
