Ke Alaka'i - February 2019 by Ke Alaka'i News

F E B R UA RY 2 0 1 9 · Vo l u m e 1 2 2 : I s s u e 2

THE LEADER

Understanding BYU–Hawaii’s policy on LGBTQ students

Nursing moms ask for additional mother’s room on campus

African-American students give insights on Black History Month

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Page 26

Page 32

FEBRUARY 2019 • VOLUME 122 • ISSUE 2

ADVISOR

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

LeeAnn Lambert

Brooklyn Redd

MULTIMEDIA JOURNALISTS

COPY EDITORS

Mackenzie Beaver Tomson Cheang Shannon Crowley Geena De Maio Elijah Hadley Esther Insigne Will Krueger Noah Shoaf Haeley van der Werf Emi Wainwright J. Eston Dunn Mariah Hunt

Dani Castro Anuhea Chen Bruno Maynez VIDEOGRAPHERS

Blake Ellertson Diandra Mongan Shannon Crowley ART & GRAPHICS

Anuhea Chen Michele Crowley McKenna Locken ART DIRECTOR

PHOTOGRAPHERS

Lynne Hardy

Cameron Gardner Chad Hsieh Ho Yin Li Teva Todd

MANAGING EDITOR

NEWS CENTER

BOX 1920 BYUH LAIE, HI 96762 PRINTER

Pr int Ser vices Editorial, photo submissions & distribution inquiries: k e a l a k a i @ by u h . e d u . To s u b s c r i b e t o t h e R S S F E E D or to view additional ar ticles,go to k e a l a k a i . by u h . e d u

Emily Hancock

CONTACT

Email: kealakai@byuh.edu Phone: (808) 675-3694 Fax: (808) 675-3491 Office: BYU–Hawaii Aloha Center 134 ON THE COVER:

From left Xavi Herrera, Reka Bordas, Levedi Kaleo Bordas, Gabe Fryar, Melony NeSmith, Sabrina Domrique, and Aspen Schend stand together to represent unity in the community and stories in this issue. Photo by Ho Yin Li

ABO UT US

The Ke Alaka‘i began publishing the same year the university, then called Church College of Hawaii, opened. It has continued printing for more than 60 years. The name means “the leader” in Hawaiian. It began as a monthly newsletter, evolved into a weekly newspaper, then a weekly magazine, and is now a monthly news magazine with a website and a social media presence. Today a staff of about 25 students works to provide information for BYU–Hawaii’s campus ohana and Laie’s community.

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PH OTO SUBMISSIO N Kap Tafiti, a Polynesian Cultural Center ambassador, makes fire out of coconut husks. Photo was taken by James Conrad Aracena

Share your photo with us and we may feature it in our next issue. E-mail us your high-resolution photo with a caption at kealakai@byuh.edu

F O L LO W U S AR O U ND THE WE B

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FEB R UARY 2019

Contents February 08

Ask the Professional with David Whippy

The GCB’s final days

New clubs on campus

Recipe: Overnight Oats

The LGBTQ policy at BYU–Hawaii

On the cover Unity in the community Students of different cultures and walks of life come together to represent peace and unity at BYUH and in the world

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Highlights Ask the professional

Making mothers a priority

Intercultural peacebuilding professor David Whippy explains how to establish peace in your community

Student moms are getting another nursing room on campus, after two years of petitioning

Miracles make dream wedding Joe and Saren Eads share how counseling and miracles helped their marriage

Overcoming obstacles for education

Melony NeSmith defies odds and returns to BYUH 35 years after initially attending

Campus Comment:

Sacred Falls Meditation Center

Porn kills love

Student moms petition for a nursing room

The history of Hawaiian Language Month

Celebrating Black History Month

Surfing and humanitarian service

Student feature: Joe and Saren Eads

Self love struggles

Love is a chemical reaction, says experts

Student feature: Melony NeSmith

Laie Hawaii Temple 100th anniversary

Student feature: The Lyzwinski family

Remembering BYUH alumnus Opura Mo’o

The gospel teaches that families should be united. How does your culture unite others? KEIKI TOMITA , a freshman from Japan studying accounting, said, “In my family, I am the only one that is a member of the church. A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom and we talked about how nobody is really getting married in Japan anymore. She told me she feels not a lot of people are thoughtful and know how to make sacrifices. That is one thing I feel I can share with others.”

AMELIA KEKAUOHA , a freshman from Texas studying biology, said, “I was originally born in Hawaii, and the culture I was born into has a special bond through being musical and dancing. We love spending time with one another and that is how we usually unite with others.”

CEZAR GERVACIO , a freshman from

Missouri studying music, said, “Both my parents are from the Phillipines, and my father is in the military. Family is very important in our culture and that has played a key role in my life. My father was deployed for a little bit and that family bond that we have because of our culture was able to keep us together.”

BRIGHAM MARTIN , a sophomore from Laie, Hawaii, studying psychology, said, “I was born in Hawaii, and I have Filipino parents. In our culture, we are super family oriented. We do everything together. When you see us at dinner, we are all together eating or we are waiting for others to come join us. When someone needs help, we all offer our help.”

FEB R UARY 2019

Letter from the Managing Editor My job as managing editor is to oversee the production of the magazine, as well as the website and social media pages. I interact with people from other cultures every day. I’ve worked at the Ke Alaka‘i for a total of almost four years, and I have never felt so much love for those around me as I did while helping create this issue. However, with such a diverse group of people in such a small place, misunderstanding and conflict are inevitable. In this issue, we sought to understand others and the conflict that arises in their groups. For this month’s theme, we hope to promote unity within the community. We learned about Black History Month (page 32) from local African American students, and local Hawaiians informed us of the lesser-known Hawaiian Language Month (page 30). We talked to the mothers as they informed us of a lack of resources for breast feeding on campus (page 26). We learned of the plague of pornography (page 22). We spoke with school officials to understand the policies regarding LGBTQ students on campus (page 16), and learned a lot about love and understanding. This issue is filled with stories about individuals who are proud of who they are and the culture they represent. A current Hawaiian student tells her story of trials and hardship, and how she overcame obstacles to attend BYUH (page 48). Another student shared how she hopes to help those with developmental disabilities to share her love of surfing (page 36). I hope that all of you will feel the incredible blessing it is to attend BYUH and live on this beautiful island, surrounded by God’s children. Laie has truly been a place of refuge for me and countless others, and I pray that it remains as such. •

-Managing Editor

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Campus Life FEB R UARY 2019

ASK THE PROFESSIONAL 8

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David Whippy helps a student with their homework in the McKay Foyer. Photo by Chad Hsieh

BY ESTHER INSIGNE David Whippy, an assistant professor of intercultural peacebuilding at BYU–Hawaii, explained how conflicts can affect a community and what steps others can take to establish peace in their communities.

With the arising conflicts we have today regarding the division of humankind, how has this affected our society today?

“I believe it depends on the society in question. Some societies are more liberal, while others are more conservative. Some are more religious and others are secular. The culture, identities, and histories within our communities tend to shape the way we are and the way we address conflict. Conflicts can be an opportunity for learning and growth, or division... More connects us than separates us, but in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers... The bridges or the barriers influence the way we are towards others and impact the way our communities are.”

What usually sparks contention within these groups or even countries as a whole?

“There are a number of factors that can incite contention. Specifically, on the grounds of racism, neglect for the LGBTQ community, and discrimination; misunderstanding, disrespect, and intolerance are some of the first that comes to mind, but you can’t generalize these issues into a ‘one size fits all’ analysis or solution. I recommend we look at these issues and conflicts on an individual basis and contextualize it to the space and culture of the locale.”

What are the main problems that hinder us from being more understanding of other people?

“Culture, our learned living experiences, world views, values, etc. ... These are important parts of our identity and make us who we are. What they also do is hard wire a way of seeing and engaging with the world around us. I see it as our personal cognitive ‘go-to-manual.’ Misunderstanding can occur when we prescribe these characteristics on others and judge them according to it. Misunderstanding is also tied to personal, cultural assumptions, miscommunication, and not allowing ourselves to be open and teachable on new ideas.”

How should we approach a situation where someone is starting to hurt other people? “We should communicate with the person in question. Sometimes recognizing that they are being observed ends the conflict. We should call and report it to the necessary authorities. BYU–Hawaii has the Title IX office, the Department of Public Safety, and Counseling Services who have experts who would be able to help in these situations. Sometimes immediate action is needed, but I would recommend being cautious in these instances, as the physical confrontation can extend to you as the intervener. Your safety is also important. If you feel the situation calls for it, we also have the HPD 911 available.”

What are some ways we can resolve conflict within our communities?

“Again, each community is different, but if I had to prescribe an umbrella way of approaching it, I would recommend these steps: • Acknowledge there is a conflict. This includes naming the conflict and analyzing how it has affected individuals and the community as a whole. • Provide a space where dialogue can take place. Communication between all parties can be difficult, but it is a part of the resolution process. • Work on a solution [where] all parties are content and can live with [it]. This is the middle ground. The best case scenario is all parties get all their needs and concerns met, and worst case scenario is only one party is satisfied. • Respect the local culture and conflict resolution traditions.” How do we build or maintain an environment filled with peace and unity among its members?

How important is it to have good relationships with those around us?

“[It is] very important. Good relations with others set the foundation for peaceful communities.Two of the main characteristics of a Zion society is love for others and service, for when ‘ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God’ (Mosiah 2:17).The end goal of peacebuilding is not merely to stop conflict, but to ultimately create Zion communities.” Efforts in establishing peace can be made in small or big projects. As students, what can we contribute to the overall process? We can contribute by getting involved.The Service Center, and a number of different academic programs and community service projects, we can be a part of. President David O. McKay’s vision for students of the school was to be influences of good, and we can start this in our relationships and our communities.” If someone wants to start learning more about peacebuilding and has a desire to help with different organizations, what are some things you recommend to them?

“I would advise them to take some peacebuilding classes. Much like psychology or political science or social work, the discipline comes with a number of branches and sections, which contribute to it holistically. From within these branches, an individual would be able to focus on what they are most interested in – with readings and specific organizations highlighted within these sections.” •

“By being respectful, understanding, patient and open with others. Get out of your comfort zone and learn about others’ cultures and educate your peers about yours. BYU–Hawaii is the perfect place for this. As we do this, our knowledge and understanding grow and we gain insights on how to navigate a community and world with a plethora of cultures, ethnicities, and nationalities.” FEB R UARY 2019

The General Classroom Building was built in 1958. Photo courtesy of University Archives

Saying goodbye to the GCB Staff and students recall early vocational training, flooding, more in the General Classroom Building By Esther Insigne Plans to rebuild the General Classroom Building into a new science and math building are under way. Faculty and students of BYU– Hawaii shared their memories of the one of the oldest buildings on campus and thoughts on the new construction. According to Math Professor Susan Barton, the GCB was originally named the Technology Building back in 1958, when BYUH was called Church College of Hawaii. The building hosted classes in automotive mechanics, woodwork, electronic, and radio operations. The Technology Building was the first building established on campus and people could come and assemble cabinets, work with metal, repair engines and cars, and even learn about farming and agriculture.

Memories of the GCB English as an International Language Professor Mark James recalled, “I remember when the ceramics art teacher had students make these giant Christmas decoration mobiles with lights, and they hung them up on the banyan tree.This banyan tree turned into a huge Christmas tree with these ornaments that were like 6 or 7 feet in length. It 10

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was just the coolest art project I’ve ever seen. It only happened one year.” The banyan tree in front of the GCB was cut down in late December of 2018. James said it was one of the last major trees on campus and said, “I was hoping the tree would survive.” In earlier years, the GCB did not have a lobby area. BYUH staff later proposed to enclose the front of the building. James continued, “If you look at the old pictures of the GCB once it was remodeled, what they now call the lobby area, or where the vending machines are… that used to be outside. There was a cement floor, but it was outside, and so probably around 2012, we got permission to enclose it but no air conditioning.” Barton said before air conditioning, fans were used in the GCB. She added, “The informal study area was a wonderful addition for students. There was a vending machine, a microwave, and a sink so students could bring their sack lunches and dinners, heat them, and study.” James said the GCB flooded frequently. Cane spiders and wasps would come down from the attic and into the classrooms. He remembered when he first started teaching

Linguistics 210, he was scheduled to give his first final exam for the class and it had rained all day and night and into the next morning. The water was 12-18 inches deep on campus. The only place with electricity was on campus and James thought, “There was nothing to do at home. I’m sure all the exams have been canceled. I thought I might as well come in to my office and get some work done because at least they have electricity. “In my office, about 8 o’clock, I get a phone call. One of the linguistics students was calling from the classroom in GCB saying, ‘Brother James, are you coming to give us the exam?’ and she said, ‘We’re all here, like all 18 students rolled up their pants, and walked in the flood to the classroom.’” James said he couldn’t believe his students were waiting for him in their classroom, so he took his shoes and socks off, rolled up his pants up to his knees, gathered the exam papers and started heading to the GCB. “Just as I got to the building, security was kicking everybody out of the building, saying everything’s canceled. But I couldn’t believe my students were so faithful they actually went to the room in the flood and were waiting there,” he said with a smile.

The GCB today. Photo by Alvin Dy

Previous courses offered Barton said, “We were originally part of the MST division (Math, Sciences and Technology), but technology meant construction, auto repair and working with radio and electronics. It was quite different then than what we mean by technology now.” According to Barton, the building was previously two stories, just high enough for the mechanic students to put cars up on lifts so they could work underneath them. One of James’ earliest memories of the GCB was when he was a student at BYUH in the 1970s. He said, “I took an automotive repair class over there in my senior year because I didn’t have enough credits in my final semester. I took the auto basic repair class, and it just totally blessed my life. I was able to repair my car after and save thousands of dollars.” James said, “If you look in the early catalogs in our university, at least from 1958, there were dozens of courses for automotive technology. Not just for civilian automobiles but for farm equipment as well, because there was a huge agriculture major.” Students could earn a degree in farming and learn more about crops, running the pumps for water, and repairing electrical and plumbing systems. “There were classes in metalwork, woodwork, mechanical drawing, small engine repair, and appliance repair. There were electronic classes that taught you how to fix your refrigerator, microwave and other appliances,” James said. A Ke Alaka‘i article published on March 7, 1963, says, “In the electronics division, students were also taught how to become radio operators. They were learned about communication regulation and operating

procedures that will qualify them for the operation of radio stations, aviation, and marine radio.” Recounting changes to the university, Barton said, “When President Alton Wade came here in 1986, he decided we were going to move away from being a vocational college to more of a liberal arts college, a more typical kind of university college. So, he did away with the program, and they took four years to allow the students who were majoring in those courses to be able to finish up.”

Thoughts on construction The portable buildings in front of the Heber J. Grant Building were built to be used as temporary computer labs and a math lab, as described in orangecone.byuh.edu’s website. Jacob Chapman, a senior from Utah studying anthropology, said, “It's probably going to take a few years, but the GCB really needs it. I heard some people say the GCB

looks kind of like the shabby area of campus and I can kind of see that. The new GCB should be nice.” Chapman, who also works at the information technology support office, said they moved their office from the GCB to the HGB during winter break. “I'll miss the GCB a lot because I spent a lot of time there, but change happens. The new office is a little less cramped, so it's a good change.” The frequent flooding of the GCB was another concern. A Ke Alaka‘i article published on January 16, 1964, said, “The Technology Department reported approximately one foot of water on their floor.” Sateki Vaenuku, a sophomore from Tonga studying hospitality and tourism management, shared his excitement about the GCB’s reconstruction. “We have had lots of rain lately, and the GCB gets flooded. Computer classes are over there, and we need our students to be safe from getting electrocuted when it’s flooded.” Vaenuku continued, “Having a great and new building is definitely going to help me learn more, because right now it’s too small, old and fewer people stay there to study. They just go there for class, and they leave after.” Despite the challenges of temporary relocation, Barton said she’s looking forward to the new building being constructed. “The math learning center is going to be in one of the portables. The math faculty offices are in the Social Sciences building, and the classrooms are just going to be everywhere on campus. It’s just like many good things in life, you just have to have patience while they’re reconstructing it.” • The GCB used to be called the Technology Building. Photo courtesy of University Archives

FEB R UARY 2019

The new clubs on the block A spectrum of cultural and special interest clubs add to the growing diversity and community-based organizations available to students By Shannon Crowley

Afro World:

Jackie Morris, a sophomore majoring in social work from Virginia, is the president and founder of Afro World, a new club emphasizing its three goals of representation, education, and unity. According to Morris, Afro World is “a club that celebrates the different cultures within the African diaspora. The idea of the club came when I thought maybe I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. Because in all reality, not all black people are from one place.” Explaining what inspired her to start Afro World, Morris said, “It started because I myself am African American/Caribbean American.” She continued, “There was an African chapter before, and though I love learning about the motherland, I couldn’t help but not feel too connected with it because I wasn’t born there, so the experience is different.” Her goal, as the club president of Afro World, Morris said is, “I want to celebrate all of the beauty within this whole dispersion. From North America to South, Central America, Caribbean, even if someone has an experience from Asia and the Pacific. No one is excluded. We all have stories and different experiences.” According to Morris, the club will make sure everyone feels appreciated and heard. She wants to educate others properly and accurately, according to our own unique customs and traditions along with bringing people together to build relationships.

Rapid Fire Dating:

Disclaimer: The three clubs featured in this article were not the extent of the new clubs at BYUH. To see the other new clubs, and all the clubs in general, visit byuh.campuslabs.com/engage/ organizations

KE ALAK A ’I Graphics by Lynne Hardy

President and creator of Rapid Fire Dating [RFD] Cienna Madson, a sophomore biology major from Idaho, hopes this new club will help individuals break out of their comfort zones and make meaningful connections with others. “Members will participate and meet as many people as they can. This is a fast-paced, exciting way to meet ‘potentials’ and hopefully leave having had a great time, met someone new, and learn.” Madson said RFD was created as “an act of rebellion against everything that is keeping us from making true connections.” According to Madson, she said, “Dating apps are the norm and swiping left and right based on a few pictures is not only acceptable but also considered to be the only way to meet people. We need to fight back. “We can't live behind screens and expect to meet people and get where we want to go. We need to remember what it's like to sit down with a stranger and talk with them until they become a friend.”

On what the club will help members with, Madson said, “How to maintain eye contact, laugh out loud, and be honest about who we are and who we want to be.” Speaking about the activities for the club, Madson said the RFD activities are individually designed to teach true principles about dating. She wants the club to provide an environment for each individual to be themselves and accept others as they are. The activities are meant to be fun, unique, and interactive. Ultimately, she said she hopes to encourage real dating. In closing, Madson stated, “The RFD presidency believes that human connection is what life is all about. This club arose from seeing the disconnect between us as a generation, and I believing that if we do nothing, we will miss more than we think we will.”

Econ club:

Dominik Lyzwinski, a senior business student from Poland who said he has 10 years of business experience, is the president of the Econ Club. After having been a member previously of the Econ Club at the LDS Business College, Lyzwinski said he believes BYUH programs “remain a key part of our efforts towards creating a freer and prosperous society.” Lyzwinski said the Econ society is a lot bigger than the club. He said, “Our passionate network of think tanks and NGOs work hard to organize their own regional conferences that students from BYU–Hawaii attend every semester.” He said Econ Club will go to FEECON 2019 this year. According to FEECON’s website, “it is an annual event to empower a new generation of entrepreneurs by bringing together professionals, industry leaders, scholars, coders, philanthropists, and students for a three-day journey of discovery, connection, empowerment, and fun.” Lyzwinski said, “As a senior member of the leadership team here in Hawaii, I participate in activism events with the help of our leadership retreats and various grant programs. Students also grapple with advanced economic theory in our Virtual Reading Groups as well as our 3rd-party partners.” A few of the partners he listed were Google, Bitcoin, First Liberty, Microsoft, and plus more. •

New clubs at Club Fest, such as Afro World, Rapid Fire Dating, and Econ Club have goals of embracing culture, helping make connections, and teaching students about economics. Graphics by Lynne Hardy FEB R UARY 2019

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Graphics by Lynne Hardy

Unity in the community

FEB R UARY 2019

Reaching out with love and understanding Voices at BYUH say unclear policies, lack of a support and stigmatization lead students to stay ‘LGBTQ silent’ BY NOAH SHOAF

ecause of a lack of knowing the university’s policy, LGBTQ students feel isolated and choose to hide their true selves, said members of the BYU-Hawaii Ohana. Students, faculty and staff interviewed for this article said greater knowledge and Christ-like love would help members of the LGBTQ community feel part of the diverse environment in Laie. Aspen Schend, a senior from Washington majoring in communications, identifies as a part of the LGBTQ community and said she has come out to some of her friends on campus. Although Schend is open about her sexual orientation, she noted she does not know the 16

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school’s policy for LGBTQ students, which she said is nerve-racking to her. “I don’t even know where to find the policy because it is something not talked about. I know the church's stance, but I have no idea what BYUH follows.” Rebekah Walker, an anthropology special instructor at BYUH, said in her Anthropology 105 course, she teaches a section on “Gender, Sex, and Sexuality.” After teaching the unit on LGBTQ, Walker explained every semester students will approach her, and she said she feels their burden that they can’t talk openly about their identity. “They are afraid to come out on campus. I wish students could know how many people support their efforts to stay in the Church. I

think until we have this open discussion, we miss out on being able to love and be their support group,” said Walker. Walker said in her Anthropology 105 course, she shows “It Gets Better,” a video produced by the USGA. In “It Gets Better,” it says 74 percent of LGBT students at BYU have contemplated suicide, and 24 percent have attempted suicide. “Those numbers break my heart,” stated Walker. Jared Anderson, a bishop for the Laie Park YSA Ward and a BYUH employee, said he understands the importance of showing love to the LGBTQ community because he as a parent faced this situation.

“I am a father of a gay son,” he said, “and I have had people in my ward who have SSA [same sex attraction] but haven’t come out to anyone. I can see what they are holding in. Being in the closet is a lonely feeling.” He said after praying and exercising faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ, he was able to overcome his feelings of hopelessness and felt his job was to love his son. BYUH’S POLICY The manager of BYU-Hawaii's Office of Honor, Feki Pouha, said the school follows the same policy as BYU in Provo on homosexual behavior. Pouha said he does not know why some students said were unfamiliar with the policy, but he replied, “I think it is important for all our campus community to understand that no matter the feelings or attractions we have, we have committed to living consistent to our honor code commitment at all times and in all places, as long as we are students and employees of BYUH.” According to Director of Communication and Marketing Laura Tevaga, the official policy for LGBTQ students is: “BYUH will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards. Members of the university community can remain in good Honor Code standing if they conduct their lives in a manner consistent with gospel principles and the Honor Code.” Tevaga included an excerpt from BYUHawaii’s President John S. Tanner, from his “The Order of Love” Commencement speech on Feb. 27, 2016. It says, “We should reach out to every child of God with profound, genuine neighbor love. We have an obligation to do more than merely tolerate differences…Our deepest Christian obligation is to go beyond tolerance. It is to love.” The Church website Mormon and Gay has a similar statement saying, “God loves all of us. He loves those of different faiths and those without any faith. He loves those who suffer. He loves the rich and poor alike. He loves people of every race and culture, the married or single, and those who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. And God expects us to follow His example.”

HISTORY OF BYU in Provo's LGBT POLICY

2007

allows for LGBT students to openly state their sexual orientation without fear and expulsion

2010 lifted ban on advocacy of homosexuality

SOURCE: USGA "It Gets Better"

Rebekah Strain, a special instructor at BYUH and former coordinator for Title IX, said in regards to the unknown Honor Code policy for LGBTQ students, it leads to students, especially members of the LGBTQ community, to wonder if they have to be in the closet and hide their identity. “There is always a fear if the Honor Code is going to kick [them] out. I understand why students would be scared to say or doing anything. They should feel safe as long as they are living the standards,” Strain said. She added, “The focus of our

campus should more be on standards, not sexual orientation. Are our students in proper dress and grooming, and are they following the law of chastity? That is what matters more than who are they attracted to.”

ACTING WITH CHRIST-LIKE LOVE Anderson said when his son came out to him at age 16, it was difficult at first. “I had a plan that my son would serve a mission, get married, and have a family. All of sudden it was turned upside down.”

“The biggest fear my son had with coming out with us was that he was going to disappoint us. It was sad because he was fine with his identity, but he was more concerned about hurting us as his parents.”

Through prayer, Anderson said he overcame a “hopeless feeling" that came when his son came out. “I cried up to God in prayer that through the atonement of Christ, I would be lifted and have that heavy feeling removed.” After praying, Anderson noted he received the answer that his son was not in a “phase,” rather his job was to love his son. Because of this experience, Anderson said he is a better husband, father and bishop. “My relationship with my son is stronger than it has ever been. As a family, we are blessed with a son with this reality in his life. It made our family more Christ-like.” Anderson said he wants other parents is similar situations to love their children and keep them in your life. He noted people can still love someone without agreeing with how they exercise their agency. “Nothing is more important than keeping the connection to your child. It may get worse before it gets better, but it is worth it. Especially if your children choose to be their authentic self, keep them in your life and love them.” He noted the Church should be a place where those struggling with their identity should feel love and not feel judged. “If someone chooses to live in a different way than we think they should, we need to honor their agency and love them.” In regards to BYUH, Anderson explained instead of ignoring LGBTQ students, having panels and safe spaces for these students can help them feel comfortable with being their authentic self. “I never thought about having safe spaces until my son came out. Before that, there was probably a little bit of ignorance I didn’t know existed. It has been very enlightening for me to expand my understanding and my heart. It has strengthened my testimony in the gospel.” Anderson added it would be helpful if BYUH had a similar support group for LGBTQ students because he knows members of the community often feel alone. According to Anderson’s son, Arenui Anderson, the vice president of the USGA at FEB R UARY 2019

BYU in Provo, USGA stands for Understanding Sexuality, Gender, and Allyship at BYU, and it was created in 2011 when the Honor Code clarified that students could actively be a part of advocacy groups concerning LGBTQ/SSA topics. “Students who go to BYUH, in the past, have attempted to create something like USGA,” said Arenui. “But it seems to come in and out of existence. We have lasted so long due to our set charter, our leadership team and system, and because of active interest from the general BYU population.” “I think any school can really benefit from a place where LGBTQ/SSA students can gather and be in each other’s company. Just last week, I met someone who thought she was the only homosexual person in all of BYU. Having a place available for people to be themselves is such a stress reducer.” COMING OUT ON CAMPUS “I would love it if there was an LGBTQ club,” stated Schend. “Especially for people who are going through their journey before or after accepting themselves. I feel like if we have that club there would be more acceptance on campus.” Schend said she identifies as queer, and is “very open about her sexuality,” but it is not the first thing she tells people. She added she wants people to understand hiding sexual and gender identity is not healthy. “I have a hard time with labels. I don’t feel comfortable with bisexual or pansexual. Those don’t fit me, and I’m not lesbian. So queer is perfect for me. Everyone defines it in their own way. For me, it means not straight.” She noted she started realizing her sexuality when she was 16 but had worries about being accepted by her family. “I didn’t have a reason to be worried, but it is just difficult when you are expected to be straight, and it turns out you're not.” Schend said she did not come out until last year. If she was closer to accepting herself before choosing a college, she said she might not have decided to attend BYUH. On campus, Schend said since she only comes out to her friends, the response is positive, but it does bother her when her friends reply, “Can you not wave your it in my face? I do not want to know about it.” Schend added she would love if people asked her more about her sexual orientation, but she noted, “I think right now we are not to that point.” 18

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38% Lesbians and gays who reported that religion was important to them were 38 percent more likely to have had recent suicidal thoughts.*

3X Questioning individuals were almost three times as likely to have attempted suicide recently if they reported that religion was very important to them.*

74% 74 % of LGBT students at BYU in Provo have contemplated suicide**

24% 24 % of LGBT students at BYU in Provo have attempted suicide**

*SOURCE: Reuters Health Based on data from more than 21,000 U.S. college students, researchers found that greater religious feeling and engagement was tied to increased risk of suicidal thoughts and actions for participants who identified as LGBQ. **SOURCE: USGA "It Gets Better"

The Church’s Mormon and Gay website says this about coming out: “For some people, keeping feelings of same-sex attraction private can result in shame or a negative internal dialogue. Sharing those feelings with a trusted confidant can be liberating and healing. Some, however, wish they had waited longer or at least limited the number of people to whom they disclosed their feelings, so this decision shouldn’t be based on yielding to pressure to ‘come out’ publicly or openly identify as gay. If you decide to disclose feelings of same-sex attraction, prayerfully consider whom you would like to tell about it and how to share this aspect of your mortal experience. “As Church members, we all have a responsibility to create a supportive and loving environment for all our brothers and sisters. Such a support network makes it much easier to live the gospel and to seek the Spirit while navigating any aspect of morality.” CREATING SAFE SPACES Shemaina Maeve, the assistant director of the David O. McKay Center for Intercultural Understanding, said she hopes to create a forum aimed at understanding the LGBTQ community and the struggles they face and start a group like BYU in Provo’s USGA. After graduating from BYUH in peacebuilding, she worked with youth

(including LGBTQ youth) at a restorative justice center in Southern California. She said she then went to the United Nations University for Peace in Costa Rica and earned a master’s degree in gender studies and peacebuilding, which she said furthered her knowledge about the LGBTQ community. Maeve said her family influenced her interest with the LGBTQ community. “My dad is gay and my youngest sibling is pansexual, which is a sexual orientation, and non-binary, which means on the gender spectrum, they don't identify with the binary man/woman identities.” According to Maeve, when her dad came out at age 42, it was one of the most transformative experiences of her life. “It hit home the importance of loving and being educated.

“I knew how resistant the community was going to be to my dad, and I think the love I had for him made me want to protect him. If we think about the importance of honoring our parents, I felt the only path forward was to love him.”

She added her dad struggled with depression and anxiety, which was partially because he didn’t feel safe to express who he was in the Latter-day Saint community. Because of seeing her dad struggle, Maeve said she would not want BYUH students to

COUNTRY LAWS DIFFER ON SAME-SEX ATTRACTION

Fryar noted some villainize the LGBTQ community, just as individuals did in history with African Americans and indigenous people. “We come from a place of mental privilege and superiority, which leads to discrimination.” According to Fryar, this leads people to stay LGBTQ in silence. He said this is as a problem he sees on campus. “If we had a more accepting culture and more diversity of opinion, you would see people open about their sexual orientation or how they identify their gender.”

Same-sex activity illegal

Graphics by McKenna Locken and Anuhea Chen

Same-sex activity legal

have a similar experience, which is why she feels a forum or a series of forums focused on awareness, respect, and love for the LGBTQ community are needed. “When my dad went through his coming out, he did not have access to spaces that were safe within the Church. If he would have those, his experience of coming out would have been a little bit better for him.” Overall, Maeve said she sees education as a powerful tool for helping individuals not fear coming out and thinks everyone can benefit from learning about the obstacles the LGBTQ community faces. TAKING KNOWLEDGE HOME Learning more about LGBTQ issues was at the center of anthropological research done by Kerin Haua Sipili Sialeipata's, a junior from New Zealand majoring in anthropology and peacebuilding. For Anthropology 447, she said interviewed LGBTQ students at BYUH to learn about why depression and suicides rates can be high among the group. After interviewing people, Sialeipata explained she found students expressed they did not feel comfortable coming out. “There is definitely a level of discomfort here.You have to stay hidden or else something may happen to you.You might lose your endorsement, you might get expelled, and

and also a diversity of minds. I think these lenses are essential to understanding people who are different than us so that we can respect those marginalized, like the LGBTQ community.”

SOURCES: ILGA; Fortune

people may treat you differently.” Before coming to BYUH, Sialeipata said she never saw homosexuality as an uncomfortable topic. She was raised in New Zealand, and said her mom is from the Cook Islands and her dad is Samoan. “Culturally, I have never been taught to treat any of my members of the LGBTQ community any differently.” Sialeipata said she did not realize, until researching Gay Pride for her Anthropology 322 class, that homosexuality in the Cook Islands is a criminal offense. She found the law criminalizes male partnerships, not a lesbian partnership. According to Sialeipata, if students, especially from an area where LGBTQ rights are not recognized, learn about LGBTQ issues, then they can take knowledge to their home countries. She added BYUH students can be voices for these communities in places where they are voiceless. Gabe Fryar, a junior from Pennsylvania majoring in peacebuilding, political science and anthropology, said he is an advocate for the LGBTQ community. He agreed with Sialeipata and said BYUH has an opportunity to help students who are coming from countries where homosexuality is not understood.

“One of the most beautiful elements about BYU–Hawaii is we have a diversity of people

LGBTQ IN SILENCE Staying LGBTQ in silence is what BYUH alumna Rebecca Vigoren, from Washington, said she chose while attending college here until graduating in 2015.

“I am a member of the LGBTQ community. I realized it near my junior year at BYUH. I chose not to come out while I was at school for fear of losing friends, getting kicked out, and overall it was just scary. I felt extremely alone and terrified.”

Vigoren said her hope is people will try to understand LGBTQ individuals. She added she once heard a bishop who strove to teach every Sunday as if there was a closeted member in the congregation. “I think that is a beautiful way to try to create safe spaces. Every student, administrator and bishopric to think and pray about how to lift the burden of others.” While Vigoren attended BYUH, she said she made attempts to start a group like the USGA. She said she hopes students will not be scared to come out like she was. “I promise you, members of the LGBTQ community have soul searched and searched for God in the darkest hours. Praying for Him to change who we are. Please respect our identity. If you truly want to be an ally, choose to love and strive to understand us even if someone leaves the Church for a time or forever.” • FEB R UARY 2019

Manager of the center, Bhante Sumana Athale became a monk in 1987 at 11 years old. He said the temple was built to promote peace. Photo by Ho Yin Li

Sacred Falls Meditation Center Buddhist temple is three miles from Laie in Hauula and offers services for all who seek peace in the community BY MACKENZIE BEAVER

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The Sacred Falls Mediation Center is a non-profit Buddhist temple open to anyone who wishes to volunteer their time to do service or those who want to meditate to find peace of mind, said the center’s manager. The center is located three miles outside of Laie in Hauula. It is open from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day of the week. Bhante Sumana Athale, the manager of the international meditation center, was born and raised in Sri Lanka. Athale became a Bhante, which translates to the word monk, in 1987. Athale said, “At Sacred Falls, we use the traditions of Theravada, a more conservative branch of Buddhism, at this meditation center. We have several religious ceremonies offered at this meditation center. Some of these ceremonies include religious ceremonies, funeral services, home blessings, and mediation.” The center is open to anyone as a place to meditate, serve, and to understand one’s self. For those individuals who just want to serve or donate their time, the Sacred Falls Mediation Center is always looking for people to help work on the grounds or help out with the landscaping. This organization is also in the process of building a new temple so it is accepting donations to help fund this temple as well. Ammon Brown, a freshman from Utah studying exercise and sports science, attended Sacred Falls Meditation Center last semester. “Last semester I was stressed. It was my first semester of college so a friend suggested to me I go to this meditation center.”

Graphic by McKenna Locken

The mediation center is located in the foothills of the Koolau mountains. Photo by Ho Yin Li

Brown continued, “At first I felt weird because I’ve never meditated before, but this place really helped me clear my mind and focus. I would recommend it to students.” Athale said, “In the future, we hope to have an organic farm here and offer healthy food to people who attend this meditation center.” Kelsy Simmons, a BYU–Hawaii alumna, said she has attended the Sacred Falls Meditation Center and shared her experience: “The international mediation center was a great example of how people from all different backgrounds can come together for a common cause. “The whole place is slowly built up by donations from the people of that faith. The monks are from different countries, but they've all build this beautiful temple and center.” Simmons said she went last year during a service trip and she recalled the monks being open and inviting. “Their message was nondenominational and about peace and health,” she said. •

The Sacred Falls Facebook page and website also offers times and scheduled events for meditation or yoga. The Sacred Falls Meditation Center offers the following services: ∙Mediation is always open throughout the day or night ∙Yoga ∙Religious Ceremonies ∙Every day at 7:30 p.m. Chanting and Meditation is open for everyone ∙Every Sunday at 2:30 p.m. meditation is practiced and is open to everyone Address: 53-088 Puhuli Street Hauula, Hawaii 96717 Phone: 808-200-1726

FEB R UARY 2019

A BYU-Hawaii faculty member, students, celebrities, and apostles share their thoughts on how pornography can destroy lives, relationships, and how to overcome addiction By Emi Wainwright

One of the T-shirts made by Fight the New Drug to combat pornography. Photo by Ho Yin Li

Founded in 2009 by four college students in Salt Lake City, Utah, Fight the New Drug (FTND) is a non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness on the detrimental effects pornography has on the brain, heart, and the world as a whole. Three BYU–Hawaii students shared their experiences with FTND and how it has helped them better understand the damage pornography can cause individuals and their loved ones. A professor of BYUH also offered his insight on pornography addiction. In addition, popular celebrities have taken a stand to “fight the new drug” by speaking out against pornography. 22

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In a series of videos on its website, FTND addresses how pornography rewires the brain, stunts a person’s ability to connect with real people, and its potential to harm society on a wide scale.

The brain

The video about the brain says, “Your brain is wired for companionship with neurochemicals released in response to intimacy, even if you’re alone staring at pornographic images on a screen… “Over time, many can develop a compulsion to pornography, causing them to need more of it, more often, and more hard core versions of it just to feel normal, just like with mood altering drugs… The brain can be hijacked. Image

after image, your expectations of sex, love, and relationships can evolve, with your own sexual preferences changing dramatically as you continue to seek out more shocking content.”

The heart

In the video about the heart, it says, “Porn users express less love for their partners and become more critical of appearances and less able to perform sexually… in addition to impacting who we love and how we see them, it changes how much we’re able to actually express that love…No machine can ever satisfy your basic need to bond with another human being. Choose love. Real

"The brain can be hijacked" love, which is the sweetest of all human experiences… The deepest needs of your own fragile heart can only be met in the fragile heart of another person.”

The world

“If the private act of viewing porn can rewire a brain, devastate a relationship, and destroy a family, what happens when that act is multiplied by a hundred million? What happens when it isn’t just you seeking ever more explicit pornographic material… [but] it’s half your country,” says the video on the FTND website about the world. “What are the consequences when pornography has been shown to increase marital infidelity by over 300%? … when 88% percent of the scenes depict aggression or violence… when the porn industry has now been linked to abuse on set, child exploitation, and even human trafficking? “Somewhere, right now, actual lives are being made far worse by the million little mouse clicks around the world. So choose love. And humanity. Click on something else. Take a stand. And pour your time and energy into something, anything, that might just make this world a little better for all of us.”

The students

Delphia Lloyd, a sophomore from Idaho majoring in hospitality and tourism management, said she first learned of FTND when the group came to do a presentation at a youth camp she was

attending. She also said she saw its pictures on Instagram, which led her to its website. Lloyd said some of her own relationships have been affected by someone’s addiction to pornography. “One of Fight the New Drug’s tag lines is ‘Porn Kills Love,’ and I have felt that. I have felt that lack of love. It’s something over time you just [start to] feel, and you blame yourself for it… but learning that it stems from a pornography addiction just makes it harder because you feel less important than pornography.” Lloyd said pornography is so much more than just the porn industry. “Pornography can be just sexual things that [we all] see in TV shows or… read in books.” She said she could feel the effects of it even within herself whenever she’s been exposed to certain things in popular media. “I didn’t like those feelings. I didn’t like what it did to me, and that’s how I knew personally how it can affect you. And you can be affected by it second hand, because pornography affects how you treat other people, and how you see them and how you value them.” Lloyd said she thinks the best way to help those who are struggling with this addiction is by “loving them and being raw with them… Show them through how you treat them that you love them for who they are and you understand them. “Pornography doesn’t make somebody a monster. Pornography is the monster, not the person who’s addicted to it. People who are addicted to it… most of them feel horrible, and they feel like they’ll be judged and they won’t be loved. But the truth is they’re more loved than they know, and there is real love [out there for them,] not what pornography shows. If you help them feel comfortable and feel valued for who they are, and feel strong enough to get over their addiction, that helps them a lot.” Lloyd continued, “If you are struggling with pornography, don’t be afraid to fight against it. It’s hard and it’s scary being open about it, but you can do it. You’re stronger than pornography and you deserve real love.”

Sam Merrill, a senior from Alaska majoring in biology, said he was first introduced to Fight the New Drug by his girlfriend, Aubrey, who is currently serving as a full-time missionary in the Brazil Curitiba South Mission. “[She was] reppin’ one of their shirts. I asked about it and was so stoked to learn there was a large group of people who also believed pornography and its effects are destructive.” Merrill said from a young age he was taught to avoid pornography like the plague. “Pornography is harmful in a number of ways. It affects the brain, spirit, relationships, and society. It becomes more plague-like once you start to understand… how it truly affects individuals and society. It’s scary stuff.” When asked how he thinks someone can help their loved ones who may be struggling with a pornography addiction, Merrill said outright, “to love them unconditionally. Prove that you love them with every act and every word. Be sensitive, but encourage them to seek professional help and to apply Christ’s atonement in their lives. If they’re a member [of the Church], their bishop can help work wonders in their life and help them ultimately experience a change of heart.” Merrill also suggested offering advice when the time is right on “how you personally avoid certain situations and impure thoughts.” He pointed out several resources people can turn to for support in fighting their temptations, including their friends, bishop, the Gospel Library app, and various support groups. He said, “Do not judge them. Encourage and love them. Work together to find something more worthwhile [they can] put their energy and thoughts into. “The worst thing you can do when you are aware that someone is struggling is to do nothing. Of course each situation is personal and specific… There are many things to say and not say to someone who is struggling. Try to emulate Christ.” Like Merrill, Ashley Sargent, a senior from Utah majoring in psychology, said she first heard about FTND in high school when she saw her friend wearing one of FEB R UARY 2019

Graphic by Lynne Hardy

"Choose love. Real love, which is the sweetest of all human experiences."

their T-shirts. “We were like, ‘What does that mean? What drugs are you talking about and how do we fight them?’” Sargent said she didn’t hear too much about the group after her friend introduced her to the movement until the organization started to grow and gain more attention. “I really like their mission and how they approach it. Pornography’s gross… It’s sad. I like how they fight it in such an open way, with no judgment.” Sargent said she follows FTND online and reads the comments on its posts, which she said are always accepting, supportive, and positive toward those who are struggling. “They always reach out with open arms [and provide encouragement.]” Sargent said, “I think the key for helping people who are struggling with the addiction is to do it with love and no judgment. Ask them how you can help them and then do it.” Reflecting on her views of pornography, Sargent said, “For me, growing up in Utah, it was always [viewed] as a moral issue, but Fight the New Drug approaches pornography as a scientific issue, which

Russell Brand

In a Youtube video, Comedian Russell Brand said, “Our attitudes toward sex have become warped and perverted and have deviated from its true function as an expression of love and a means for procreating.” He said it has affected “my ability to relate to women, to relate to myself, to my own sexuality, to my own spirituality.” He said as a teenager he was obsessed with 24

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I like. For me personally, knowing it can actually change your brain and it physically hurts you makes it even more sad. “They also [raise awareness] on human trafficking and how it goes hand-in-hand with pornography. No matter your view on the morality of pornography, I think everyone should have a view of human trafficking… that it’s not okay. “[Fight the New Drug] helps us see what’s really going on, and that none of it’s real. It’s all fabricated. Lots of people are getting hurt, both the producers, and actors, and consumers–everyone’s getting hurt. I like that they bring in all sides of it to fully educate people about it.” Sargent said she’s read several articles published by FTND about personal accounts of people who used to work in the porn industry. “Especially for women it’s super degrading. A lot of it is abuse… which gets the people who watch it, who are increasingly younger and younger, to start to think that’s how relationships are… “I like that one of Fight the New Drug’s mottos is to ‘fight for love.’ They want people to have healthy relationships

porn and can’t imagine what it’s like for adolescents today. “Now there's just icebergs of filth floating through every house on Wi-Fi. It’s inconceivable what is must be like to be an adolescent boy now with this kind of access to porn.” “It moves very, very quickly. The circuit that’s connected to love and compassion moves a little bit slower. So if you’re constantly bombarded by great waves of filth, it’s really difficult to remain connected to truth.”

with each other. They’re big on human interaction and building relationships with humans. Real humans. You can’t manufacture love.”

The counselor

Dr. Eric Orr, a licensed Clinical Psychologist and psychology professor at BYUH, said pornography is like any addiction that can destroy lives and relationships. “It becomes a mistress. It’s an adulterous affair. When a person is feeling vulnerable and wants stress relief or an escape, they [turn to their addiction] rather than their spouse.” Orr said the lack of vulnerability with loved ones is what can damage a person’s relationships. “They become more committed to this other thing that’s relatively easy because it’s just a substance or just a picture… it’s always there.” Orr said the attraction is the perception that pornography can take care of needs a spouse can’t. “[They think,] ‘My spouse is not always going to be ready to hear me and help take care of me when I’m feeling vulnerable because they have a life and they’re human too.’” He added it’s by saying “no” to the addiction, and being absolute in their resolve to change, that people can take the first step to getting help. “That’s when we go to the effort of stepping [away from the addiction] and towards our spouse and… being vulnerable with them. And now that person has an opportunity to bond with us and connect and care

Josh Radnor

Actor Josh Radnor, In an interview with FTND, said, “I do believe porn is a huge problem that has to be confronted. The battle, though, is ultimately an internal one. Each person has to decide for themselves whether to have this thing in their lives or not.”

about us, and help us grow through that vulnerable experience. Whereas the substance or the addiction never does. It keeps you there.” Like Lloyd, Merrill, and Sargent, Orr offered suggestions of what loved ones can do to help those who are struggling with addiction. “Recognize they probably don’t have a lot of control over it… be patient. It does damage relationships and it is an affair… but if you’re going to be in a relationship with someone who is dealing with that, you’re going to have to accept that to a point. “Support the person in getting help because addictions can be… profoundly difficult to get over by yourself.” Orr, who runs a 12-Step Addiction Recovery Program, said getting involved in support groups can help not only those who are struggling to overcome addiction, but also can help their loved ones cope as well.

The Apostles

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, one of the apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke on pornography in a session of general conference in April 2005. He said, “Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its

Terry Crews

Terry Crews, is an open supporter of FTND. He admitted to having a pornography addiction starting at age 12. Crews shared how it affected his relationship with his wife in an interview with the Tom Joyner Morning Show. “I was a loving father, husband, the whole thing. But in the back of my mind, I needed something like pornography just to chill… But the thing

effects on their life and the lives of others. “Pornography is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it ‘hooks’ its users, drawing them back obsessively for more and more. A man who had been addicted to pornography and to hard drugs wrote me this comparison: ‘In my eyes cocaine doesn’t hold a candle to this. I have done both.… Quitting even the hardest drugs was nothing compared to [trying to quit pornography.]’” Oaks said he shared the following analogy in an address to BYU students over 30 years ago: “Pornographic or erotic stories and pictures are worse than filthy or polluted food. The body has defenses to rid itself of unwholesome food. With a few fatal exceptions, bad food will only make you sick but do no permanent harm. In contrast, a person who feasts upon filthy stories or pornographic or erotic pictures and literature records them in this marvelous retrieval system we call a brain. The brain won’t vomit back filth. Once recorded, it will always remain subject to recall, flashing its perverted images across your mind and drawing you away from the wholesome things in life.” In a talk entitled “A Tragic Evil among Us,” given in an October 2004 session of General Conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley described pornography as “a raging storm, [that destroys] individuals and families, utterly ruining what was once wholesome and beautiful.” Like Oaks, President Hinckley said

is, you can’t live in two worlds, and I was getting farther and farther away from Rebecca. Pornography is an intimacy killer. It just started building up a wall.” Crews said, “My issue was, and is with pornography, is that it changes the way you think about people. People become objects, people become body parts; they become things to be used rather than people to be loved.”

pornography ruins a person’s capacity to use the spiritual gifts they’ve been blessed with, and counseled all members to seek help and change. “If there be any within the sound of my voice who are doing so, then may you plead with the Lord out of the depths of your soul that He will remove from you the addiction which enslaves you. And may you have the courage to seek the loving guidance of your bishop and, if necessary, the counsel of caring professionals. “Let any who may be in the grip of this vise get upon their knees in the privacy of their closet and plead with the Lord for help to free them from this evil monster… Now is the time to change. Let this be our hour of resolution. Let us turn about to a better way… “How beautiful is the life that is patterned after the teachings of the gospel of Him who was without sin. Such a man [and woman] walks with unblemished brow in the sunlight of virtue and strength.” Each person has to decide for themselves whether to have this thing in their lives or not. Such a man [and woman] walks with unblemished brow in the sunlight of virtue and strength.” •

To learn more about Fight the New Drug and to join the movement, visit the website fightthenewdrug. org/ or follow it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Youtube. If you or someone you know is struggling with a pornography addiction, please reach out for love and help at BYUH Counseling and Disability Services or from your local ecclesiastical leaders.

FEB R UARY 2019

Nursing moms ask for help to care for babies After nearly two years of petitioning, student moms hope to get a new nursing room in the Aloha Center BY HAELEY VAN DER WERF

Student mothers at BYU–Hawaii. 26

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Photo by Emily Hancock

oms of BYU–Hawaii said they have been coming together and asking for another suitable nursing room on campus for nearly two years. Several mothers said they feel they weren’t being made a priority at a school whose teachings encourage students to get married and have children. But Missionary and Nurse Kathy Edgar and Facilities Management Director Randy Sharp said a nursing room will open in the Aloha Center when the Deseret Mutual Benefit Association group relocates to new offices. WHY AN ACCESSIBLE MOTHER’S ROOM IS IMPORTANT Reka Bordas, a senior from Hungary majoring in peacebuilding, said she doesn’t have a problem breast feeding in public, but she said pumping is not something that can be done in public. She explained the need for pumping, “If you don’t pump the milk, your breasts will get engorged, and it can cause lots of pain and fever. It’s very important for moms to pump their milk every three or four hours.” Amanda Lyzwinski, a senior from Brazil majoring in accounting, said, “I worked in Financial Aid before I had [my son], and I worked a lot with I-WORK students. A lot of ladies in my ward are I-WORK students, and after they have a baby, they still need to go to work. I thought about the I-WORK students who work on campus or at PCC. Where do they go when they need to nurse? “If you don’t nurse or pump, you can get diseases in your breasts, which can affect you and the baby. It’s extremely important these mothers are able to either breast feed or pump,” she said. EXISTING MOTHER’S ROOMS Kealani Netane, a Laie resident who works in the Reading and Writing Center, said there is one mother’s room on campus open during the week. “It’s in the HGB. It’s really far. When [my daughter] was first born, I would try to use it, but it would take a half hour between walking there, pumping, and coming back. It was easier

"When you’re nursing, if you don’t nurse or pump, you can get diseases in your breasts, which can affect you and the baby. It’s extremely important these mothers are able to either breast feed or pump." for me to just go home and come back.” Bordas said the room in the HGB is not accessible enough. “The problem is... it’s only accessible if you get the key from someone. It’s only from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and it’s really far. You might as well just go home to TVA to feed your baby.” Lyzwinski added, “There’s one in the Stake Center, but I’ve seen it’s mostly only open on Sundays. If I was still working in the Financial Aid department and I couldn’t go home to feed my baby, I would have to walk all the way across campus to the HGB to nurse or pump. That’s if it’s open at that time.” HONOR CODE It is not against Honor Code for moms to breast feed their babies in public. Lyzwinski shared, “A few years ago, somebody tried to honor code a girl for breast feeding on campus. It’s not an Honor Code violation in any way.” Lyzwinski said she believes people don’t know there are laws that allow women to breast feed in any public place. Edgar, a certified nurse and lactation counselor, shared a similar experience, saying a student at the library was told she was disturbing others by breast feeding her child. After reaching out to the library supervisor, she explained, the staff was told there are laws protecting mothers who want to breast feed in public. THE NEW NURSING ROOM Edgar said Sharp emailed her saying a room in the Aloha Center would be vacated by the end of February 2019 that they could move into. “We’re planning on having a few gliding rocking chairs with foot rests, a changing table, and a table for mothers to set their pumps on.

“I’m hopeful this room in the Aloha Center will be a lactation room. We’re pinning all our hopes on that right now… All we need is comfortable chairs, a small table, and a changing station. It already has an electrical outlet. It’s really that simple.” According to Edgar, they are planning on using Aloha Center room 162. Moana Numanga, an Human Relations generalist at BYUH, explained, “The last we were told is it was a room in the Aloha Center that used to be occupied by DMBA. That’s the room we’re counting on... [This plan] is supported 100 percent.” Sharp explained the timeline. “The current occupants of the rooms are part of our DMBA insurance and retirement group. They have new offices being prepared for them. Those offices are being prepared by contractors who do not report to anyone on the campus. I am unable to push or even find out what their timeline is. Once they move, I will be ready to purchase the furniture.” After DMBA moves out, Numanga said, “I don’t think it will take very long. If we have the support of Randy Sharp... to be able to make whatever changes, if any, it will take maybe one week, two weeks max. I know they are aware, as we are, of the urgency to get it done.” TEMPORARY SOLUTIONS By the time Bordas had her second baby, the room in the Aloha Center had been closed and converted to an interview room. “They stated the Sewing Center fitting room can be used by mothers as a nursing room, but it’s super tiny. There's no outlet. For the pump, you need an outlet and a chair to put the pump on. It’s not acceptable at all. They said it was a temporary solution, and that was two years ago.” FEB R UARY 2019

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Another issue with the Sewing Center, Bordas said, was its lack of availability. “When one of my mom friends wanted to breast feed her baby, she wanted to go to the fitting room. Some of the senior missionaries were very unkind and told her she could go to the toilet and feed her baby there.” Netane further described the room in the Sewing Center. “I tried to use it. There were [sewing] needles on the ground, and there was no chair for the pump to sit on. There’s no door. It’s just a curtain.” Lyzwinski explained what she does as a last resort. “Since I'm going to school and taking care of [my baby], I have a limited amount of time to feed him. When you have limited options, all you can really do is go to the bathroom and feed him in the stall. It’s really unsanitary, and it’s just the worst.” Edgar explained why mothers should not have to resort to this. “When you think about it, how many of us would take our lunch, sit on the toilet, and eat? No one would do that. In essence, that's what we’re asking moms to do. “A lot of people tell moms, ‘You should go in the bathroom and do that.’ Where do you sit in the bathroom? On the toilet? Think of all the horrendous germs you're exposing your baby to if you're feeding or pumping them in the bathroom.” STATE LAWS There are four laws regarding breast feeding in Hawaii: HRS §489-21, HRS § 3782, HRS §378-10, and HRS § 571-Parenting Plans (Act 244, SB 556). The laws state it is discrimination to treat a breast feeding mother differently, including refusing to hire them, discharge them, or penalize them for expressing milk in the workplace. Employers are also required to allow women adequate time to breast feed or pump during their breaks at work. It is also illegal to deny or attempt to deny a woman breast feeding her child the use of any public place.•

Right: Student Serena Ioane holds her son; Bottom middle: Student Amanda Lyzwinski kisses her son Niko; Bottom right, student moms Ioana, Elyssa Himmer, and Lyzwinski, pictured with their chidlren; Top, four BYUH babies. Photos by Emily Hancock

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FEB R UARY 2019

Language is culture Hawaiian Language Month helps ‘maintain the spirit of aloha and remember the faith of early Hawaiians,’ according to Professor Housman BY J. ESTON DUNN

“February is recognized in Hawaii as ‘Hawaiian Language Month,’” according to Dylan Wilcox, an alumnus from the Big Island. “This month is meant to help preserve a language that was once forbidden in schools.” Hawaiian natives said by learning the Hawaiian language, people celebrate the culture and protect the ancestral history of Hawaii. What is Hawaiian Language Month? Hawaiian Language Month is fundamental to the preservation and restoration of Hawaiian culture. Wilcox said, “After the 1893 overthrow of the Hawaiian Kingdom, English became the dominating language for business and commerce. Hawaiian was still spoken, but as increasingly western influence took over, Hawaiian was spoken less and less.” Native Hawaiian speaker, Kaohimauna Conradt, an alumnus from the Big Island, explained, “Learning a language is learning a culture. When there is no language, there is no culture. It’s the foundation of who we are.” Wilcox added Hawaiians didn’t have a written language to preserve records of their history as Hawaiian culture is predominantly of oral tradition. ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi is the first indigenous language spoken before Westerners came, he said. People can participate in Hawaiian Language Month by finding opportunities to expose themselves to the language and learn more about the culture, according to Hawaiian Studies Professor Alohalani Housman. She said, “If we take an effort to learn the language, we can better embrace the culture. We celebrate Hawaiian language month by speaking the Hawaiian we know and participating in special parts of the Hawaiian culture such as chants and the hula. If we learn meanings of the word, such as Lāʻie, we can learn to love the land more.” The Hawaiian Dictionary says Lāʻie mean vine leaf. Wilcox said he encourages non-speakers to at least learn small phrases like “Aloha” or “Mahalo Nui Loa.” He said although it is a small start, they go a long way as language is the medium by which people shape and understand the world. Another way students can celebrate and honor Hawaiian Language month would be to learn how to pronounce street names, Wilcox said. “Hawaiian is a highly symbolic language… [names of places] can tell a lot about those areas.” While people know beaches by their colloquial names, they need to remember their Hawaiian names provide more insight and more depth than just Bikini Beach or Pipeline, he said.

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"If we take an effort to learn the language, we can better embrace the culture ... If we learn meanings of the word, such as Lāʻie, we can learn to love the land more."

Wilcox said he believes there should be more priority in helping visitors learn about Hawaiian culture through the language. “While I understand students who come to BYUH know full well that Hawaii is a beautiful place, they need to know that Hawaii is a beautiful place because of the people, the culture and the language. “ Historic overview of Hawaiian language The decline of the Hawaiian language began with the overthrow of the monarchy in 1893 by American-supported businessmen, according to Housman. Two years after the overthrow, the language was banned in schools and children were disciplined for speaking it. As a direct result, “the last generation of native speakers was born before 1920,” Housman said. She shared how by the time she developed an interest in studying Hawaiian in 1980, there were only 1,500 native speakers left and most were the older generation. According to the website, www.ahapunanaleo.org, even as early as 1922 when Hawaiian classes were introduced as part of the foreign language program at the University of Hawaii, activists throughout the islands have worked to bring back the tradition of the native Hawaiian language. These reforms culminated in 1986 when after a six-hour hearing, the Hawaii State legislature passed a bill to remove restrictions of Hawaiian as a medium of instruction in public schooling. Among those who testified at the hearing was Housman, who along with other young parents, petitioned the legislative body for the ability to enter their children in Hawaiian immersion programs. There are now 23 Hawaiian immersion schools spread across Oahu, Hawaii, Molokai, Maui, and Kauai, listed on the Hawaiian Department of Education website. Housman said she estimates now that native Hawaiian speakers number between 7,500 to 10,000 people. Conradt shared his feelings on how people his age and younger want to learn and understand Hawaiian. “I definitely see the Hawaiian language in a lot of places in the future.” Conradt said he hopes to be able to speak Hawaiian with his children.

responsibility to learn. In Kawehi Housman’s school, there were no electives but there was a two-acre garden at the back of the school where students were taught conservation and the name, purpose, and symbolism of plants. Sailing programs were also present at Conradt and Kawehi Housman’s schools where students were taught seamanship on traditional double-hulled canoes or Holokai. Conradt said he attended Ke Kula ʻO ʻEhunuikaimalino. As part of Kawehi Housman’s senior year, her class sailed to the Big Island with the famed navigator Nainoa Thomson. On the trip, Thomson told the students it was possibly the first voyage done completely in the Hawaiian language for hundreds of years. Kawehi recounted, “There was one moment when I woke up and saw we were in between three islands, and I understood how our ancestors felt, how our people should feel.” •

"Learning a language is learning a culture. When there is no language, there is no culture. It's the foundation of who we are."

The Hawaiian immersion school experience “The power of the language is so strong,” said elementary education senior and Oahu native Kawehi Housman. “I can only connect it to spirituality.” Because of her fair skin, Kawehi Housman said she faced questioning of her Hawaiian identity when she left her immersion high school, Ke Kula ʻO Nāwahīokalaniʻōpuʻu. She said her experiences of speaking Hawaiian and understanding her culture gave her an identity to return to.When asked about her experience in the Hawaiian immersion schools, Kawehi Housman explained how attending a Hawaiian immersion program granted her cultural sensitivity with a desire to learn about others. During her mission in New Zealand, she said this desire helped a lot. Kawehi Housman explained immersion school began with chanting and thought of the day. She said the students then ask the teachers for permission to enter the school to learn, and in that way, they accept Graphics by Lynne Hardy FEB R UARY 2019

KE ALAK A â&#x20AC;&#x2122;I by Lynne Hardy FromGraphics left to right: Sabrina Domrique, Xavi Herrera, and Jackie Morris share their thoughts on Black History Month. Photo by Emily Hancock

Black History Month African-American students share their thoughts on Black History Month and African American culture By Will Krueger

The key is to ask if you want it feel the hair. But still I’m a human. Don’t pet humans. “Other than that, I was super lonely at first because I didn’t think there were any other black people here. I only found the few of us last semester and this semester and over the holiday break. It helped me stay grounded, but also made me miss home a lot more.”

Jackie Morris, a junior from Virginia majoring in Social Work How do you feel about Black History Month? “Black history month is not long enough. I feel like there is so much history we cannot cover in a month. But I love it! I love that there is a time where our kids can feel good about their culture and themselves in knowing they have something that is worth celebrating for a whole month.” What’s it like being an African-American at BYU–Hawaii? “At BYUH... let me tell you. It’s been a bit of a shock. I remember my first semester here January last year, whenever I wore my hair out in a fro or whatever you wanna call it, I would have strangers come up to me and touch it... which is a no. Although I did learn and understand in some cultures that touching is something they think is nice [or] a compliment, but it was weird to say the least. Even at home folks would cross that line.

What is African-American culture to you? “So black culture is very mainstream at the moment. As far as music goes, we had a lot to do with a bunch of the genres y’all listen too. Different regions of the U.S. carry their own flavor of culture as well. I’m from the East Coast and South ... and that’s a very different culture than those who grew up on the West Coast. “For example, my favorite part about Southern black culture is step. Step is making music with your body, that involves slapping, stomping, [and] there is some dance. There are chants and cheers we sing. It’s awesome. I’m hoping the Afro World Club will be able to share that on campus with everyone.” Other thoughts? “I hope that many people can look at black history month and see my people had struggles and very difficult times, but what makes us stand out is the hope and positivity that we created. We are famous for making something out of nothing! “We are innovators. We are hustlers and grinders and we can work hard. We still smile. We still laugh. We still stand up for ourselves and protest our rights. All around the world. We are strong and powerful and magical.” The Afro World Club “This club was created because my origins come from West Africa, [but] I can’t fully relate to the African club. I myself have a different experience and all of the black people have all different kinds of experiences. FEB R UARY 2019

Why just limit it to one place? So I wanted a place where all different kinds of blacks could come together and share their cultures and experiences so we can learn and unite together. “Our mission statement is educate to elevate and unify. We want people to learn more than what their stereotypes and generalizations have taught them. Hopefully through that learning we can also learn how to communicate with one another, ask and answer questions, and understand each other’s experiences to be able to build connections and come together as people. “We want to to be a safe inclusive space. We want anyone who comes to Afro World to feel like they’re part of a family, because that warm feeling is what we are all about.

What’s it like being an African-American at BYU–Hawaii? “There’s not really many of us here. The whole tribe mentality that other cultures have here is not necessarily the same kind of mentality I have. There’s not enough of us to just gang together. I feel underrepresented. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing though. I been under represented almost my whole life. “It’s been interesting to see people come from all over the world, and accept black culture, AfricanAmerican culture, and sometimes not know what they are reppin’ is African-American culture. You got people who are really, really afraid of Black people, but then they are reppin’ our shoes, being influenced by our music. I think it’s really funny. It’s interesting to see how far reaching our culture is.” What is African-American culture to you? “A lot of people don’t know what that word means - culture. Culture is history. It’s language. It’s music. It’s attitude. It’s style. It’s all of that. African-American culture is most easily seen in music and clothing style - both of which are quickly becoming mainstream. A couple decades ago, you would never see white kids in the suburbs bumpin’ Tupac. But nowadays, everyone and their brother is down with the music. “Historically, black Americans are accredited with the birth of jazz, the birth of blues, both of which went on to heavily influence country, rap and R&B. All that comes from African-American culture. Before baseball was desegregated, the best baseball players in the world were playing in the Negro Leagues. Sports, that’s part of our culture, our history.”

Demetrius de Moors, a senior studying human resources from Georgia How do you feel about Black History Month? “I feel that it’s necessary but quite often overlooked. The purpose of this month I think is to shed light on the history of the people who in great measure built our country. The history and culture of AfricanAmericans in this country has gone on to shape not just America but cultures all over the world.”

Other thoughts? “Hopefully people will come to understand what this month means to people of color, particularly those of African descent. But it’s not just about us. It’s really for everybody - to see the world through someone else’s lens, a different frame of view, which should be celebrated. We are different and unique. “Everybody wants to be black, until it’s time to be black. Everybody accepts the style, the music, the jokes, the vernacular, how we speak, how we dance. Everybody wants to do these things. I wish people would understand the weight and the gravity that comes with the things they adopt from our culture.”

Graphics by Lynne Hardy

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Xavi Herrera, a junior from Tennessee majoring in biology How do you feel about Black History Month? “I understand it is for a good cause, but I feel it to be a little patronizing. Like we’re lesser so we need a whole month dedicated to us. Like the rest of history is inclusive to all races and ethnicities, but ‘black’ history is super special. Why? Is it a surprise that black people have done historical things? Just my personal opinion.” What’s it like being an African-American at BYU–Hawaii? “Definitely unique. I grew up in a predominantly Caucasian community in East Tennessee so I’m used to being a minority. I thought that coming to the “most diverse” campus in the U.S. would change that feeling alone, but people still stay in their social and cultural pockets here.” What is African-American culture to you? “Music, dress, just entertainment really. Like living standards aren’t drastically polarized as much nowadays. You have rich and poor black people, white people, Asians growing up together in different communities now. But I think how people portray themselves through art is the best indicator of the culture. The music, fashion, videography.”

Sabrina Domrique, a peacebuilding junior from Oklahoma How do you feel about Black History Month? I love Black History Month! I think it is a month to be thinking about how progressive we have been as a community … and to be inspired to continue to resist social injustices. What's your experience like as an AfricanAmerican at BYUH? My experience as an African American woman at BYUH has been I’m sure very similar to people of other ethnicity’s experience. I get to experience diversity everyday, just as other people. [That is what I] appreciate about the community here at this school. Can you tell me a little about what you regard as African-American culture? African American culture looks different depending on the person, as someone who is half African American, my view of African American culture surely differs [from] others, so I can’t give one explicit definition.” •

FEB RUARY 2019

Isabel Frandsen says she fell in love with surfing when she was in high school. Photo courtesy of Frandsen.

Healing waters

Through their love of surfing, Isabel Frandsen and her family find a way to serve those with special needs

BY MACKENZIE BEAVER

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Freshman Isabel Frandsen found a unique way to combine her love of surfing with her love of helping others. Through A Walk on Water (AWOW), Frandsen, a psychology major from California, shared how she is able to make a difference in childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives and loves working with them.

“A WALK ON WATER” AWOW is a non-profit surf therapy organization that works with children with special needs and veterans based out of California, said Frandsen. The company has volunteers who either work on the beach patrol or play with the families or younger children on the beach. They work in the water and make sure individuals are being safe. Other volunteers teach these young athletes how to surf. Frandsen said she just recently began teaching children with special needs how to surf. SURFING SINCE HER YOUTH AND IN HIGH SCHOOL Frandsen said she began surfing when she was young, but the sport really picked up for her when she started high school. Frandsen said, “I was on a surf team in high school, and that is when I really fell in love with the sport. I would surf in the mornings after Seminary and then go to class at around 8 a.m. every day.” FIND OUT ABOUT SURFING THERAPY About five years ago, Frandsen said her dad came across the “Jimmy Miller Foundation,” an organization for surf therapy. Frandsen and her father went to an event together and instantly fallen in love for surf and ocean therapy. she said. Both Frandsen and her father enjoyed the event and the two decided to search for a local surf therapy event. Afterwards, her father found AWOW. Sean Swentek, the executive director of AWOW, said, “Isabel started volunteering with AWOW at a young age, thanks to her parents’ desire to instill the importance of philanthropy and volunteerism in their children. We at AWOW are so grateful that Isabel, her parents, Steve and Lara, and all her siblings continue to show up at almost every AWOW Surf Therapy event and give 100 percent.” Swentek continued, “Isabel has an incredible way with our athletes, who are children with special needs or disability. She brings so much joy to their lives through her efforts as a Surf therapist and Water Safety volunteer. I can’t wait to see where Isabel goes as she continues to grow through her studies.”

AWOW teaches children with special needs how to surf. Photo courtesy of Frandsen.

"Surf therapy is a form of therapy using the ocean and surfing to help the emotional as well as physical well-being of individuals." EXPLAINING SURF THERAPY Surf therapy uses the ocean and surfing to help the emotional as well as physical wellbeing of individuals, Frandsen said. According to awalkonwater.org, surf therapy aims to distract individuals from their everyday life and have them open up about their problems and challenges in life. Frandsen said, “There are all different kinds of surfing therapy organizations that hold events for different things. The organization I volunteer with helps children with special needs. I have heard of an organization that helps with children who have had a sibling pass away.” AWOW holds about 10 events in California from March through November. “Not only is a ‘day of surf’ event for these children with special needs, but it is also an event for their entire family,” Frandsen added. Frandsen explained she has seen how raising a child with special needs can be difficult and it can sometimes drive the attention of the parents away from their other children. “These days focused on the kids really allow the families to do something

together, and it allows the parents to spend time with their other children while the volunteers spend our time helping these kids with these needs.” She said it is really a winwin situation for everyone. The organization earns money through sponsors, donations, or selling products such as gear or T-shirts. Dallas Adams, a freshman from California studying business, said she is close friends with Frandsen. Adams said, “I have seen her example and service of others. Isabel is one of the most selfless people I know. “Whether she is doing service projects in her malama’aina class, teaching children with special needs how to surf with her Walk on Water Family, or bringing her hungry friend food while they’re at work like she has done for me, you can just tell it’s the happiness of others that bring a smile to her face.” Frandsen said, “Being a volunteer for AWOW has influenced my decision to major in psychology. I love helping other people, and being a volunteer with surf therapy allows me to combine my love of surfing with my love of helping others. Surf therapy really allows my two passions to meet.”

FEB R UARY 2019

"I love helping other people and being a volunteer with surf therapy allows me to combine my love of surfing with my love of helping others. Surf therapy really allows my two passions to meet.” Frandsen hopes to serve a church mission after this semester. Photo courtesy of Frandsen.

FAVORITE MEMORIES WITH SURF THERAPY Frandsen’s expression of excitement when being asked her favorite memories about working with AWOW showed her love for this non-profit organization. “There are too many memories to pick a favorite, but I definitely have some good ones.” Last year, while at an event for AWOW, Frandsen said she met famous people like actor Scott Eastwood. Frandsen said, “I’ve also been able to meet a ton of famous surfers at these events. These events are not about meeting celebrities, but it definitely has been a perk.” During the recent winter break when she went home in California, Frandsen said she was awarded a “black jacket” by AWOW commending her for her volunteer work. The jacket is given to people who have volunteered for a certain amount of time at the nonprofit, she said. Frandsen added, “You don’t need a trophy to show you have been a volunteer, but being surprised with this jacket showed me that I was appreciated here. It’s probably my most prized possession now.” Frandsen said she really wants to turn her love for surf therapy into a potential career. “I

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know they’re working on it, but I think being a surf therapist is definitely the goal right now. We have a family friend who just graduated with a degree in surf therapy from a school in Scotland, so it can be done.” HER FUTURE PLANS INCLUDE SERVING A MISSION Frandsen said she is planning on serving a mission after this semester. She feels her experience with working with children with special needs and being a volunteer for these past few years has also influenced her decision to put her life on pause and serve a full-time Latter-day Saint mission. Being a volunteer for AWOW has turned into an entire family tradition for the Frandsens. “My dad and the siblings that are around my age all help teach kids how to surf in the water, while my mom and my two little siblings spend time playing with the kids and helping out on the beach.” Every year an event for AWOW is held on or around Frandsen’s birthday. “It has sort of turned into a family tradition for my birthday. I wouldn’t want to spend it anyway else. I love spending time helping these little kids and creating a bond with them,” she said.

Both Frandsen and her father represent AWOW and its non-profit organization. In the Summer of 2018, she said the two were able to travel to South Africa for an International Surf Therapy Conference. Frandsen said, “It is going to be hard to not surf and be involved with these opportunities while I am on my mission, but I know the Lord works in mysterious ways. Who knows what I will come across on my mission? After this last general conference, I really decided I was going and I know my volunteer work and service has prepared me to be a missionary.” •

Love FEB R UARY 2019

Joe and Saren Eads were married on November 2019. Photo by Sheyanne Petrovich

Miracles combine creating a dream wedding Joe and Saren Eads say small miracles helped make their wedding perfect and counseling helped them prepare for marriage BY HAELEY VAN DER WERF

When Joe and Saren Eads decided to get married in the middle of the semester, they said they knew they would have more stress in wedding planning, but they said there were little miracles along the way that helped their day be everything they imagined. These miracles included being able to have all of their friends at their wedding and being able to move in with Saren’s parents after their wedding. They also testified of the power of premarital counseling in helping them be the most prepared for marriage they could be.

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MIRACLES Joe Eads said they saw miracles all the way through, and especially on the day of the wedding. He explained there was a high chance of rain, and their plan B location had become unavailable. Saren Eads explained, “Up until Friday, the forecast for Saturday kept saying thunderstorms. We kept praying for good weather, and it was perfect.

“There were clouds, and I think we felt five drops of rain, but it was a beautiful day. It could not have gone better.” Saren explained some of the other miracles they experienced while planning their wedding. “There were a lot of different challenges … It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks everything really came together. Every step of the way was a little miracle. “Joe’s sister-in-law and brother asked if they could get us a cake. We were just going to get a Costco cake and call it good, but they got us a beautiful cake. Ty’s Beach Bus wanted to cater waffles. “Other little details just kept falling into place. I found my dress at Nordstrom for $100, and it was on sale for $50. I decided to buy two so I could add sleeves with the same fabric. It worked out perfectly. It was $150 total. It was one of a kind, and it fit perfectly.” Joe said his sister was a huge blessing in planning the wedding. “I have a really good relationship with my sister. She is a really good planner, so she was my ‘wedding planner.’ I was in contact with her at least seven times a day, whether it was calling, texting, or whatever.” They said being able to borrow decorations from friends who had recently gotten married also helped them a lot. They also said some friends who were trying to build their portfolio offered to do their wedding video for free. THE RELATIONSHIP Saren Eads, a senior from Washington majoring in peacebuilding, said she first met Joe after a service project. She explained they went to the beach with a big group of people. “Joe was pretty stellar, and I thought, ‘I like this kid. He’s pretty cool.’ We became good friends after that. That’s how we officially met. We got to know each other more and more as we did adventures and things like that.” Joe Eads, a senior from Maryland majoring in accounting, described how they got to know each other better over the next few months of dating. He said on one of their first dates they went paddle boarding on the Haleiwa River. Saren said after that date she dodged his first kiss. “I was like, ‘Wow, this guy is so cool, but I don’t know if I want to commit fully yet. I don’t want to play around.’

Joe and Saren get engaged. Photo by Jordan Sedrick.

“I didn’t want to lead him on and kiss him for no reason, unless I knew I actually wanted to be in a relationship with him. That day, he goes in and tries to kiss me. I thought maybe he was trying to kiss my cheek, so I turned my cheek.” Joe explained their first kiss happened in the sea glass cave at Laie Point. “She was talking about how appreciative she was of me. I said to her, ‘You know, there’s more than one way to say thank you.’ I just left it at that. She leaned in the 90, and that’s when I realized I could kiss her safely without getting rejected again.” KNOWING THEY WERE THE ONE Saren said her marriage to Joe is special because, “I just know it’s what God wants for us, and it was just a special, spiritual, awesome moment of excitement. It was so cool. All day felt like that. We were able to slow it down for ourselves and enjoy it and be present for the moment, which was really cool too.” Joe said he knew Saren was the one on a spontaneous date to Waimea Lookout on the Fourth of July. He explained how he wrote a Korean phrase on the wall of a pillbox. When Saren asked what it meant, he replied, “It means you’re someone special.” Saren said she knew Joe was the one because she didn’t feel any anxiety when she thought about their future. She explained, “For me it was little by little. I didn’t have any anxieties or doubts. It was just all taken away. I asked Heavenly Father, ‘If this is right, help me lose all these doubts about finding the

THE PROPOSAL Joe explained, “I proposed to Saren by taking her on a fun scavenger hunt. It was five different places I took her. I took her to the first place, the Laie Point sea glass cave. The clue from there led her back to her couch where I first told her I loved her. “The clue from there took her just a few steps outside, where I asked her to be my girlfriend. From there, it took her to the Laie temple.That clue led her to the next place. The clue was pretty funny. It was Matthew 5:39, footnote b, footnote c. ‘Those footnotes combined make cheek turn.’That was the only clue I gave her. She was pretty smart so she figured it out.” Saren explained, “I knew I had to go to the first place where I turned my face when he tried to kiss me.” Joe went on to say the next clue led her back to the pillbox at Waimea Lookout where he wrote the Korean phrase. “She had to translate that and send it to her dad, who also spoke Korean, so he could verify it. After she got it, she found out that phrase meant, ‘I will marry you.’ When she sent it to her dad, her dad replied, ‘Come back up the hill and meet your future husband.’ That’s where I was waiting with 30 of our friends hiding in the bushes, in a circle of plumeria flowers and flowers I bought from Foodland. She came up the hill, and I dropped on one knee and proposed.” Saren elaborated, “It was the most certain ‘Yes’ I have ever said in my life."

one.’ It’s a big deal. Usually big decisions in my life I have such a hard time making, but with Joe it was easy.” GETTING MARRIED IN NOVEMBER Joe and Saren said there were several reasons they decided to get married in the middle of the semester, including cost efficiency and having all their friends attend their wedding. Saren also said her family FEB R UARY 2019

moved to Laie in January, which made it a lot easier for them to transition to married life in November. Saren listed some of the reasons, saying, “We were told by a bunch of people shorter engagements were better. We had the benefit of having my family already here, so we didn’t have the awkward transition of where to live. We were able to just move in with my family.” Joe explained how important it was for them to have their friends there. “The problem with getting married over Winter Break is everyone is going home for Christmas. They aren’t necessarily willing to make the sacrifice to stay longer for a friend’s wedding. “[Our wedding] was the weekend before Thanksgiving, so everyone was here ... Having all of your closest friends at your wedding is just so awesome.” Joe said his favorite part of the day was the sealing. “The sealing is something really special. I’ve worked in the temple for two years now, and doing the sealing part for yourself after doing it hundreds of times as proxy for somebody else is a really special spirit.” THE FUTURE Saren explained she loves Joe because, “I love how caring and kind he is. He is always thinking about other people. He is a really selfless person. He is really logical. The way he thinks is just impressive to me, and it balances me out really well. One of my favorite things is how we complement each other. He helps open my mind in ways, and I help open his mind in different ways. It’s so cool how it works.” Joe said, “My favorite thing about Saren is how kind she is. She’s my little angel. She brightens my day. I get so excited to see her all the time. I have Saren withdrawals. It’s fun to be out here in Hawaii with your best friend and someone you care so much about. When you get engaged, what is yours is not your own. Everything that is yours is theirs, good and bad. She comes with a lot of good.” Saren said she is looking forward to the future with Joe. “He’s honestly the best … We’re definitely excited to start a family. We’re excited to graduate and see where life takes us afterwards. We’re excited to take trials one step at a time. That’s something about our relationship is there’s so many obstacles, so being able to overcome those 42

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things together is so rewarding. Having a best friend and a support there all the time is awesome.” COUNSELING BEFORE MARRIAGE Saren said, “What I’ve realized is everything works and falls into place. We had so many obstacles in our lives happen, but everything about the wedding and getting married was in God’s hands. He prepared us. That was really cool. We also did premarital counseling. We highly recommend it for all couples.” Joe elaborated, “We did it with a local professor. We did it through PJ Rogers. He volunteered his time for one hour a week to do premarital counseling where he went from the very beginning, foundational, basics and progressed forward. Because it was premarriage counseling, we were able to put it in application. Now it’s so great.” PJ Rogers, an associate professor of Business, said he started counseling couples after he received premarital counseling with his wife. He explained, “We got some really cool tools. After learning that, I thought, ‘Everyone needs to know this.’ “I started [counseling] really early on. Maybe a year or two after being married, with little to no experience in marriage. I had some really cool tools that counseling had taught me.” Saren explained in their counseling Rogers “talks a lot about how you come into a relationship with a lot of expectations, and you may not even realize what they are. Understanding yourself and communicating it with the person you love so much is so much easier.” Rogers explained, “The biggest challenges for marriage are unmet expectations. The challenge is a girl and a guy don’t truly know how to convey their expectations. That’s where we start. The super basic, ‘What are your expectations?’” Joe said they really did enjoy going to counseling. “It was fun. We looked forward to it. He gave us homework, and we completed the homework as best we could. He wasn’t strict, but he didn’t allow cookie cutter answers. He would tell you if you weren’t doing it right. It was very good for us.” They said the stigma of counseling, being only when a couple has problems, is the furthest thing from the truth. Saren said, “If

Joe and Saren on their wedding day at the Laie Temple. Photo by Sheyanne Petrovich.

you go to counseling once you have problems, you’re so deep down in problems that counseling may not even help. If you get those tools beforehand, it makes it so much easier to understand, learn, and grow. It’s so cool.” She said Rogers told them, “Always keep working on your marriage, even if you feel like you’re in this great puppy dog, honeymoon phase. I feel like our whole relationship has been this super happy, wonderful thing. In regards to Joe and Saren, Rogers said, “The reason great people are great like the two of them, is because they’re always looking to get better. They ask, ‘Who can I talk to in order to get a little better?’ They’re really good … They really wanted it. Those are the best couples.” •

“We’re excited to take trials one step at a time. That’s something about our relationship is there’s so many obstacles, so being able to overcome those things together is so rewarding. Having a best friend and a support there all the time is awesome.”

Self-love struggles Students say self-love grows when people recognizes God has a plan for every person BY NOAH SHOAF

Self-love, according to BYU–Hawaii mental health counselor Elder Kittelson, is “neither self-centered nor narcissistic, but it is a healthy acceptance and humble appreciation of one's strengths and weaknesses.” Sarah Francis, a freshman from Connecticut majoring in elementary education, said applying those words is a different story. “I love myself individually. I have beautiful qualities, but when I am around other people, I don’t feel I am good enough for them.” Francis shared she sometimes struggles to see her worth, and she said it stems from when she would go to church back home in Connecticut. “It was hard because sometimes I felt I was an outcast at church because I was black. Besides some of the friends I treasured, there were times I felt because I was black I had trouble connecting with other people. My confidence was low because I didn’t think anyone would see past my race and awkwardness.” Even though Francis said she felt low about herself, she said she found a way out of doubting her worth through focusing on her religious beliefs. “My love for myself started outside of me. I started to love myself when I realized who I am and knowing that I am a daughter of God. No matter how many mistakes or what I do in life, my Heavenly Father loves me. Knowing He is a divine being and chose to create me this way is how I build self-love.” Francis said she is continually trying to improve her self-love and confidence because she plans to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She said being around

people who value you helps add to your worth. “I learn that I love myself more when I share love.Whenever I can help someone or give a smile, that is when I feel I love myself more because I can share the love that Christ gave to me.” According to Macey Cobabe, a freshman from California majoring in exercise and sport science, sometimes there is a misconception on the term self-love. She said loving yourself does not necessarily mean vanity. “I think self-love is the opposite of being self-absorbed because when you are absorbed in yourself, you only think about how others see you. When you have self-love, you accept your flaws and mistakes without trying to be someone else.” Cobabe said she also turns to God when she questions her self-love. “Heavenly Father made you for who you are. He did not make you anyone else so why feel pressured to be someone else.” Addie Allred, a freshman from Virginia majoring in social work, noted sometimes it can be hard to show self-love. “We live in a world where we are surrounded by pressures and constantly hearing we aren’t good enough. We are always trying to be someone else. I think it can be hard to be kind to ourselves.You have to get to a point where you value your own self-image more than you value other people’s opinions about yourself.” Allred said loving yourself and having true confidence is challenging but still achievable. “It is a process you don’t just wake up one day loving everything about yourself.You have to grow.” • Graphics by Michelle Crowley

Psychology Today shared a list of suggestions for building confidence and self-esteem. 1. Make two lists: One of your strengths and one of your achievements. Try to get a supportive friend or relative to help you with these lists, as people with low self-esteem are not usually in the most objective frame of mind. Keep the lists in a safe place and read through them every morning. 2. Think positively about yourself. Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. You are, after all, a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself such as ‘I am loser’, ‘I never do anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’. 3. Eat good food as part of a healthy, balanced diet. Make meals a special time, even if you are eating alone. Turn off the TV, set the table, light a candle, and make a moment to feel grateful. 4. Exercise regularly. Go for a brisk walk every day, even if it is cold or rainy, and take more vigorous exercise (exercise that makes you sweat) three times a week. 5. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep. 6. Get artistic. Activities like painting, music, poetry, and dance enable you to express yourself, interact positively with others, and reduce your stress levels. 7. Set yourself a challenge that you can realistically complete. For example, take up yoga, learn to sing, or throw a small dinner party for some friends. Just go for it! 8. Spend more time with those you hold near and dear. At the same time, try to enlarge your social circle by making an effort to meet and befriend people. 9. Avoid people and places that treat you badly or make you feel bad about yourself. FEB R UARY 2019

Love is a chemical reaction, experts say An exploration into chemicals of love, and whether people know as much about love as they think BY HAELEY VAN DER WERF

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Categories of love

ove makes a person’s heart race and their palms sweaty. It can make a person’s stomach fill with butterflies, and they can go days without even thinking about eating. But what is love really? According to BYU–Hawaii professors and experts at Harvard University, a part of love is chemicals and hormones racing through a person’s brain, sending signals through their body. Although there are some aspects of love people understand, Dr. Jess Kohlert said there is so much more about love they don’t know. WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE INSIDE YOUR BRAIN?

LUST Testosterone, Estrogen

ATTRACTION Dopamine, Norepinephrine

ATTACHMENT

Kohlert, department chair of Psychology at BYUH, broke down love into three categories. “This thing called love can be parceled into three areas. One is lust, one is attraction, and one is attachment. There are different chemicals for each one of those things.” Explaining the difference between the three categories, Kohlert said, “Lust is a reproductive urge. Those chemicals are primarily testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone increases libido (sex drive) in both males and females. Estrogen can do the same thing, but it’s not as powerful in either sex. “Attraction has to do with the rewarding systems of the brain. Dopamine is important for this rewarding system. That’s when you get this giddy feeling. Norepinephrine excites us or exhilarates us. You could go days without eating or thinking about eating because you’re so in love.” Kohlert said the last kind of love, attachment, involves the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin. “Warm cuddling with an individual will release oxytocin. Oxytocin is released during sex, cuddling, or any close contact. Vasopressin is involved in that attachment as well.” Kate McLellan, an assistant professor of Exercise and Sports Science, explained how love is both a survival reflex and an attraction instinct. “There is a psychological and biochemical aspect with chemicals in your brain. Your heart racing and the butterflies in your stomach are the result of chemicals and neurotransmitters. There is a cold side of love, which comes from oxytocin and dopamine.” The article, “Love and the Brain,” by Harvard University talks about a study, “Photos of people they romantically loved caused the participants’ brains to become active in regions rich with dopamine, the socalled feel-good neurotransmitter.” Additional findings by the study showed, “When we are falling in love, chemicals associated with the reward circuit flood our brain, producing a variety of physical

Oxytocin,Vasopressin

FEB R UARY 2019 Graphics by McKenna Locken

“A bishop once told me when couples are going through problems, the first thing they stop doing together is they stop praying together. They don’t want to have that emotional connection. Spiritual experiences bond us. Positive things like going to the temple and feeling the Spirit make you feel more bonded.” - Kate McLellan and emotional responses—racing hearts, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, feelings of passion and anxiety. Levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase during the initial phase of romantic love. “As cortisol levels rise, levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin become depleted. Low levels of serotonin precipitate what [Richard] Schwartz described as the ‘intrusive, maddeningly preoccupying thoughts, hopes, terrors of early love’ — the obsessive-compulsive behaviors associated with infatuation … In addition to the positive feelings romance brings, love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions, such as fear and social judgment.” HOW DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE? McLellan said, “There are two different kinds of falling in love. People often assume men fall in love based on physical attraction, and women fall in love based on an emotional connection. It’s actually exactly opposite. In men, what creates love is when they feel they can trust someone. It takes longer for guys to fall in love. “Girls fall fast based on physical touch. It’s physical, and then the biological factors come in and girls can’t distinguish between them. Men fall when they are committed, and girls fall based on physicality.” According to McLellan, this misconception stems from not realizing the difference between attraction and love. “In initial attraction, guys think about the 46

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physical aspects. They don’t think about the long term. They just think about now. Girls start with the end in mind. They are attracted to successful people who would be a good mate initially, but in the long run, physical attraction is what keeps them in a relationship.” WHY DO PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE? According to McLellan, “The hormones start to fade away. Choosing to stay in love is a conscious act, not a reactive one. This is why you need to keep dating your spouse. As you go through hard things with your spouse, you become bonded. It all becomes mental … You become attracted to their mind, which gives you the ability to stay strong. Your reason for staying changes. If you keep dating your spouse, you keep the chemicals going. “A bishop once told me when couples are going through problems, the first thing they stop doing together is they stop praying together. They don’t want to have that emotional connection. Spiritual experiences bond us. Positive things like going to the temple and feeling the Spirit make you feel more bonded.” A common time for divorce, McLellan said, is about seven years into a relationship. “The seven-year itch happens because that is a major time for a drop off in hormones. “Another common time for divorce is as kids hit milestones and leave the house.

You realize your relationship is based on your kids and not on each other.” IN THE END, DO PEOPLE REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT LOVE? According to Kohlert, “When it comes right down to it, we don’t know. We have some ideas. We have some things that look like they’ve fallen into place, but as a whole, we don’t know. “We know much more than we used to know, but we’ve barely scratched the surface … There are components we seem to understand, but we don’t know how it all fits together.” As the Harvard article states, “Love may well be one of the most studied, but least understood, behaviors. More than 20 years ago, the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher studied 166 societies and found evidence of romantic love — the kind that leaves one breathless and euphoric — in 147 of them. “This ubiquity, said Schwartz … indicates, ‘there’s good reason to suspect that romantic love is kept alive by something basic to our biological nature.’” •

Religion FEB R UARY 2019

Melony NeSmith lost her home in Kauai to Hurricane Iniki in 1992, but decided years later to return to BYUH. Photo by Emily Hancock

Furthering an education with faith and family 35 years since initially attending BYU–Hawaii, Melony NeSmith’s family’s support, faith, and desire to finish her education prompts her to return to the university BY GEENA DEMAIO

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hirty-five years ago, Melony NeSmith began her university experience as a freshman at BYU–Hawaii. She put a hold on her education after Hurricane Iniki in 1992, and moving across Hawaii. Today, she has returned to complete her degree in elementary education. “I hope my children know I was brave enough. In some way I feel I am doing this to be an example for them, and although I had these fears, I was courageous enough to say, ‘I can do it,'” she said with confidence in her voice. Remembering divine inspiration from God, NeSmith said, “We knew miracles were going to happen, and we made the decision to come here to step back and allow Heavenly Father’s hand. Everything opened for us and just fell into place. We knew it was the right decision. “Search, ponder, pray and then trust, [completely] trust.You put your life in the Lord’s hands and then say, ‘Okay Heavenly Father, it’s in your hands.You know what is best for us.You know where we are supposed to be at this time in our lives.’ “When you leave everything behind and just say yes to the journey, I think it’s saying yes to the journey and just trusting in Heavenly Father, knowing He will provide.” KAUAI HEALS AFTER HURRICANE INIKI In the Central Pacific Hurricane Center’s 1992 seasonal report, Iniki was the costliest and most powerful hurricane to strike Hawaii. The NeSmith family was living in Kauai at the time and lost their home to Iniki. “It was huge and hit our island, which totally demolished it. We moved in June, and the hurricane hit in September, during Labor Day weekend. People remember the bombing of the twin towers on Sept. 11,” in 2001. But she said Sept. 11 was the same date that Hurricane Iniki hit and destroyed their home in 1992. NeSmith added, “[Iniki was about] teaching us patience, teaching us faith. Heavenly Father told us we needed to be there and that was the bigger picture.” David NeSmith’s childhood home was also demolished by the hurricane. He said, “It was a reminder of who to look

Melony and her daughter, Kelia, both plan to graduate from BYU–Hawaii. Photo by Emily Hancock

towards. If you look towards Him [the Lord], you can still be blessed.” Melony NeSmith said she only took two containers of belongings when she evacuated to the Red Cross shelter. “Today, when I look at it, that’s what I have to show. Everything else went, but the most important thing was my family and that container filled with memories. I hope that as my future posterity reads my journals about this time in my life, [and they know I] had courage to come back and do this, when they teach about their grandma.” After their home was destroyed, the NeSmiths lived in a tent for three months, and ate meals from the military. GUIDED BY GOD ACROSS HAWAIIAN ISLANDS “We’ve lived in Oahu, Maui, Kauai, Big Island. Each island is special to us and there is a reason why we were on each of those islands at that time in our lives. Heavenly Father’s hand was certainly in our lives,” said Melony NeSmith. The NeSmiths said they moved to the Big Island because they wanted to work in the Kona Hawaii Temple and their parents lived there. Melony NeSmith said she felt she needed to go home and take care of them.

She said she felt the Lord not only intended for the couple to work in the Kona Hawaii Temple, but to be leaders in the Church. David NeSmith was called to be a bishop in the Kona Temple Ward. However, Melony NeSmith said the Spirit revealed she needed to return to BYUH and finish her education. “It was a big decision for us. We loved our callings. We loved working in the Kona Temple, but making it a matter of prayer, taking it to the House of the Lord and fasting about it, we felt strongly I needed to come back to finish school.” RETURNING TO BYUH The impression came to David first and the NeSmiths said they pondered the choice for a while. Melony NeSmith said, “He wanted it to be a sense of security for me that if anything happened to him. I would be in a good place, as far as a job. I’ve been blessed with many jobs but all part-time.” David NeSmith emphasized there is a big difference between a job and a career. He said, “Having the degree, she will be more secure in a career. I need her taken care of and this degree is fit for the future. It’s important to have a career, not just a job. “A career provides you stability. A career provides you an opportunity if you fall back. A career will provide you with health FEB R UARY 2019

Melony and David NeSmith with their daughter, Kelia. Photo by Chad Hsieh

insurance and benefits, whereas a job gives you a paycheck.” Kelia NeSmith, Melony and David's daughter and a senior majoring in Hawaiian Studies, said, “Growing up, I was raised in about five different houses, so I never had a set home. But I think in the Church we learn that where the home is, that’s where your family is, and that’s where the gospel is centered.” She said she felt her family incorporates those principles. She said, “Having the gospel in the center of our moves, we’ve been blessed in every way.” FAITH TO MOVE FORWARD “To all students who are on the verge of returning to school, extinguish the fears. Put those fears aside,” said Melony NeSmith. “I always think the glory of God is intelligence.” Kelia NeSmith said the thought of her parents moving back to Laie comforted her prior apprehension about coming to BYUH. She said, “It was going to be new going to school with my mom and with other college students. At first, I felt I didn’t know if I’m 50

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ready to adapt and change. But I think since they have moved here, it has strengthened my faith where I can see this is where they need to be.” Feeling proud of his mother’s choice of returning to school, Brandon NeSmith said, “I think it’s awesome she has this opportunity to finish something that has been so many years on hold. “I’m proud of her for taking this big step to completing her degree. For her to do this is something I admire. It’s an example to me that it is never too late to accomplish your goals in life.” MANIFESTED MIRACLES When his family moved to Oahu, David NeSmith said he was blessed to be interviewed by the principle at Kahuku High School. He was offered the job of a special education teacher. Melony NeSmith shared how grateful she is because the family was wondering how they were going make ends meet financially. She said she met with

administrators in the Financial Aid office, and they were trying to find a way to help both Melony and her daughter to pay for school. “We were short of the goal to help her and me. “We offered a prayer again to Heavenly Father acknowledging, ‘We know we are here for a reason.’ They sat down with me and said, ‘Melony, aren’t you first generation going to school?’” In response, Melony NeSmith confirmed she is the first. Upon hearing this, they instructed Melony NeSmith to wait and went into the back room of the Financial Aid office. “Coming back, they lovingly said, ‘Mel, you can get the Hukilau scholarship, for Hawaiian students going to school.’” In a tearful response, Melony NeSmith quietly offered with humble gratitude, “All four years of my schooling is being paid for through this scholarship. I sat in that room and I just cried because I thought, “How are we going to do this? All I must do is maintain my GPA. Really talk about the spirit of aloha. It made it possible for me to be here with that scholarship. Miracle. Absolute miracle.” Regarding his mother, Brandon NeSmith said, “I’m glad I have her as a mom. She is also an example to me of holding true to your faith. I know she did not have an easy childhood growing up and she could have easily turned out differently. But now I understand God had different plans for her.” Melony NeSmith said she plans to graduate in elementary education in Fall Semester 2021. Their son, Brandon, is on Maui and works with the airlines. Kelia will graduate Spring Semester 2019 in Hawaiian Studies. •

The faith of Iosepa: Stories from the saints By Noah Shoaf and Clinton D. Christensen

The Laie Hawaii Temple was dedicated on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 27, 1919. This year the temple celebrates its 100th anniversary In his book “Stories of the Temple in Laie: Hundredth Anniversary,” Clinton D. Christensen says, “The spirit of gathering to Utah affected the Hawaiians just as it did the British and Scandinavian Saints in the nineteenth century, though immigration policies made it more difficult for Hawaiians.” Despite this, Hawaiians still wanted to experience temple blessings. They were willing to leave everything to be near a temple. Christensen continues, “Today, we think of Laie as the gathering place for Hawai‘i, but a group of Hawaiians journeyed to Utah to receive temple blessings and eventually started a colony called Iosepa named after Joseph F. Smith. From 1889 to 1917, Iosepa was the home for two hundred Polynesians. They gave up their isles of paradise to live in the harsh West Desert of Utah.” Today, the descendants of the Iosepa community honor the early Saint’s faith. Lynette Akiona Valdez, a stake history specialist in the Hilo Hawaii Stake, says in the book, “We cannot forget the sacrifices and faithfulness of the early Saints who left their island homes and settled in Iosepa to be close to the temple. Whether they were from Hawai’i, Samoa, or another South Pacific Island, these Saints marked the beginnings of temple participation for our people. Leaving everything behind to be ‘close’ to the temple,...they had to walk 150 miles round-trip to attend temple sessions.” One who sacrificed to come to Utah was David Keola Kailimai. Christensen says, “In 1913, Keola sold all of his land and belongings to purchase passageway for his family on a boat to California and make the land trek to Utah, arriving in August 1913. He was sealed to his wife and hanai (adopted) son, David, in the

Early picture of the Laie Hawaii Temple. Photo courtesy of BYU–Hawaii Archives

Salt Lake Temple, but he only stayed in Utah for three months. “President Joseph F. Smith told him, ‘Keola, you go home. A temple is going to be built soon in Hawai‘i. I need for you to go home and help build it. “Kailimai returned to the Big Island with only three dollars to his name and started again... At the time of the temple’s dedication, David Keola Kailimai was privileged to offer the benediction at the first session on November 27, 1919.” There is an annual celebration at Iosepa in Skull Valley, Utah, to remember the once a thriving Polynesian community. Iosepa ended when the saints learned of the opportunity to return to Hawai‘i to build and serve in the temple. The Iosepa community still has an impact in Laie today. Along with some being direct descendants from those who traveled to Utah for temple blessings, the Polynesian Cultural Center honors the legacy of the community. One of PCC’s attractions, the 57-foot traditional wa'a

kaulua, or twin-hulled Hawaiian sailing canoe, is named the Iosepa. According to Matthew Kester’s book “Remembering Iosepa: History, Place, and Religion in the American West,” the idea to have the Iosepa reside at the PCC came after William Wallace, a former director of BYU–Hawaii Hawaiian Studies, who had a vision. In his vision, Wallace was in the Hawaiian Village at the PCC, and said he realized the home of the Iosepa was supposed to be there to honor the kupuna [ancestors]. On Nov. 4, 2006, at the dedication ceremony for Iosepa, BYUH Newsroom reported Wallace said, “There's no doubt in my mind that once Iosepa is here, it will help unlock the windows of heaven and that blessings will descend upon this place, to help the work go forward.” For full stories, read Christensen's book set to be published later this year. • Illustrations by Lynne Hardy

FEB R UARY 2019

Lyzwinski legacy Dominik and Amanda Lyzwinski share how the gospel has helped them in school, family life, and career choices By Geena DeMaio After overcoming obstacles of being economic refugees, converting to the gospel, and advocating for liberty, Dominik and Amanda Lyzwinski said they pressed onward into the future in their commitment to Christ. Cradling her 6-month old son, Amanda Lyzwinski, from Brazil, a senior majoring in accounting, said with a beaming smile as she looked down at her baby, and cooed his name, “Niko” named after her husband, Dominik. “God was guiding us to be a family. Families have their own timetable, which is the biggest priority.” Abram Himmer, a senior studying computer science from Washington who is friends with the family, shared, “I love their life story. Basically they both come from broken backgrounds and they married and came to Hawaii with the plan to make life whole and centered on Christ.”

Dominik’s religious revival

According to Dominik, trust in Poland’s government was low because he could not escape communism. Dominik said, “I am among the first generation who has been semifree.Although communism was gone, people still remember someone’s father being dragged out because of anti-government talk.” Dominik said he moved from his home in Poland to Basingstoke, England, as a refugee. While studying at Queen Mary University of London, his peers invited him to a Family Home Evening - the first involvement he had with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Although Dominik lost his scholarship, he said he did not give up but instead remained resilient. “Fortunately, I learned to look at the eternal perspective. I saw they had the vision the Saints had.” 52

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Over time Dominik continued to listen to the gospel message and explained, “My whole story changed when the Fischer family [a family in a local ward] noticed I was alone on Christmas. No one cared about me. I was so proud. I didn’t need anyone. I was able to see there was this kindness. They weren’t rich, but they had a desire to serve and they even gave me gifts for Christmas.” Incredulously Dominik, asked, “Why are you giving gifts to me? A stranger?” He said Jean Fischer, the mother of the family responded, “This is what being Christian is. This is humanity.” Coming from an environment surrounded by what Dominik described as the people being selfish, single, and having hatred, he described the surmounting depressive state he knew and of the people around him. “They don’t see a reason why they should help anyone if no one is helping them. The Church helped me to see there was more. I realized people care.” Dominik referred to his conversion as “the push” when he met David Ogle, a Young Men’s president in England. Dominik said he was rebellious and refused Ogle’s first offer to attend his Seminary class. Instead, Dominik said he agreed to what he expected to be a quick run around a mountain. As they jogged, Ogle shared his conversion story and then challenged Dominik to read The Book of Mormon. Dominik said he read The Book of Mormon that same night. “From then on, I believed....[Ogle] saw something in me I didn’t see. He said I had potential and I could be going places.” When he returned to Poland, Dominik’s grandparents were not accepting of his conversion to the gospel. Faced with tremendous controversy with his family,

Dominik said he could not become a member of the Church until he was 18. Dominik said attended LDS Business College, and while he was there, he was involved with Young Americans for Liberty, an organization accepting of any nationality with the belief that all are Americans. He added, “Wherever you are from, the founders wanted you to come here and become an American [citizen].”

Graphic by Lynne Hardy

Aligned choices

During this time, Amanda worked in Utah to help her mother financially and transferred to the LDS Business College. Both Dominik and Amanda met at a libertarian convention, Amanda gave insight into their meeting, “We were the only ones who didn’t agree with everybody.

Dominik and Amanda Lyzwinski met in Salt Lake City. He is from Poland and she is from Brazil. They hold their son, Niko. Photos by Chad Hsieh

“Afterward when everyone wanted to go out drinking, that wasn’t really my type of thing to do, so he invited me to go to a church activity with him. He thought that I wasn’t a member of the Church at the time, so he invited me.” While dating Amanda, Dominik said he approached it as he did work on his mission getting straight to the point within 20 minutes. “I didn’t want to date somebody else’s wife,” he said. Amanda replied, “My experiences in Young Women helped me recognize the fact that I have an eternal father who is eager and willing to help me find what is right and will let me know how I can fulfill my calling.” The Lywinskis said they intentionally chose their wedding day on America’s birthday – the Fourth of July. They said they chose that day because they are patriotic. The couple was sealed in the Las Vegas Nevada Temple in January 2018. Referring to his son, Dominik said, “I want Niko to be American. I am very patriotic of my country, Poland, but I understand World War II changed the nation.” Historians say nearly 6 million Polish people died because of the war, and Dominik said this altered the country.

“God doesn’t tell us anything that He doesn’t' want us to do or make a way for us to do. I truly 100 percent believe when we are doing everything God wants us to do, there is no risk." Laie refuge foreshadow fulfilled

Amanda said Dominik felt he needed to come to BYUH as he served many Hawaiians on his mission in Tacoma, Washington. While working on his mission, Dominik said, “Now I look back and I see how my whole mission really prepared me to be here in Hawaii and help me understand Aloha.” Himmer said he has know the Lyzwinskis for the past year and gotten close to them. Himmer said, “They are hardworking and dedicated to what they believe. Amanda is amazing at balancing the mom-life and school life, and Dom is crazy supportive of his wife’s decision to continue in school even though they just had a child.” While reflecting on previous hardships, Amanda said, “God doesn’t tell us anything that He doesn’t want us to do or make a way for us

to do. I truly 100 percent believe when we are doing everything God wants us to do, there is no risk. It may take time, it may take a lot of effort, but there’s no risk because it’s going to come to pass if you do what He tells you.”

Prospective plans

Dominik has ambitions to work in the U.S military as a chaplain. From being on military bases prior to his mission, Dominik said he is familiar with the work. Amanda added, “As religious leaders, chaplains help people go through things when they have depression or when they get married. He always says it would be as though he is going on another mission.” Although Dominik said he would like to return to Poland for a visit, ideally, he would like to live in the United States or be sent by the American military back to Europe. •

FEB R UARY 2019

Modern-day carpenter exemplifies Christlike life Family and friends remember longtime BYUH employee and alumnus Opura Mo’o for his life of love and service By LeeAnn Lambert Called a hard-working carpenter who could fix anything, a family man and a man of God, Opura Mo’o Sr.’s family and friends gathered on Feb. 6 at the Laie Hawaii North Stake Center to celebrate his life. He passed away on Jan. 16, 2019 in Kahuku. Born in French Polynesia on Sept. 20, 1939, Mo’o left home as a teenager and went to four years of high school in Tonga, served a proselyting mission in the Tahiti Papeete Mission, much of the time on the island of Moorea. He then graduated from Church College of Hawaii, now known as BYU–Hawaii, served as a stake labor missionary while in college, got married to his sweetheart, Victoria, raised a family, and served in the Church in a variety of callings. He retired from BYUH after 35 years working from 1967 to 2002, and was the temple president of the Kona Hawaii Temple. “By his hands, he knew how to repair a broken chair, but he also knew how to mend a broken heart,” said grandnephew and BYUH alumnus Dylan Wilcox, at the service. “By his hands, he held us as children and even his children’s children. By his hands, he gave many father’s blessings. By his hand, we learned about the scriptures, as he dutifully read them. But the greatest thing built by his hands is his family. He will always be, in my mind, the greatest example of Christ-like service and discipleship. Thank you, Uncle, for everything.” 54

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Wilcox explained each of Mo’o’s grandchildren would take a turn at his service, oldest to youngest, to share something about him. His granddaughter, Jabrielle Ulima Mauai, said, “Papa was a master of many things.” She said he radiated joy and laughter to those around him, but especially for his wife. “Love you for eternity,” she said, adding his spirit will always be with their family. Granddaughter Reiko Ah Quin said everything in the Thirteenth Article of Faith sums up her Papa. “He loved it and lived it,” she said. “Thank you, Papa.

Thank you for your love, for your time and your example you set for us.” Grandson Jarren Ulima talked about working to build things with his Papa. He said Mo’o was an excellent carpenter who didn’t feel a job was done right unless everything was level. After working on a house with Papa and learning how to do things right, he said, “Now I am able to it by myself because he taught me.” Another granddaughter, Kainoa Ah Quin, said what she remembers most is “Papa and Mama go together like peanut butter and jelly. They were selfless and

Above: Opura Mo’o and his family. Top: Opura playing the ukulele. Photos courtesy of the Mo’o family

loving.” For example, Papa would cut his meal in half to share it with Mama, his eternal companion, she said. Mosese Mo’o said his grandfather was a great example of a priesthood holder because no matter what condition he was in, he still went out and served others and testified of Jesus Christ’s atonement and resurrection. Grandson Jacob Ulima said Papa was dedicated to the gospel of Jesus Christ and they would often catch him reading the scriptures. They would sit beside him and feel the spirit, he said. Granddaughter Tia-Marie Mo’o said her most favorite thing about Papa was him playing the ukulele, singing and laughing with them. “Papa really was the best Papa,” she said. Giving the eulogy at Mo’o’s services was his longtime friend, Tekehu Munanui, who, along with Mo’o, left Tahiti in their teens to go to a Church school in Tonga. Munanui said the boys were sponsored by a missionary in Tahiti to attend Liahona High School, but they also worked hard to pay for their own room and board. Early each morning, he said, Mo’o and he would gather all the cows, milk them, and then distribute the milk to the faculty first and then the students. “We did that work for years,” Munanui said, including when everybody else went home, “we stayed to help with the cows.” They stayed there for four years with only letters for communication between them and their families, and he said the letters could take months to get to them. “Imagine how hard it was for a teenager to be away from home and not speaking to them,” Munanui said. “I love this man. He is like a brother to me. Alone in Tonga, we helped and supported each other.” “Tonga became a special place because of the love he received from the Tongan people and gave to them,” Munanui continued. He said Mo’o was able to go back to Tonga and visit “the people and the places he loved” before he left this mortal existence. “I envy him because he was able to do that.”

Opura and Victoria Mo’o served as the president and matron of the Kona Hawaii Temple.

Munanui said later in his life, Mo’o was called to be a bishop of a married student branch at BYUH. “He is a man who served the Lord. This was passed on to his children and grandchildren” who he said have become missionaries, Eagle Scouts and gone on to college. In 2008, Mo’o and his wife were called to be the president and matron of the Kona Hawaii Temple, Munanui said. “Those were memorable years,” he said. The Mo’os built a house in Waimea and cared for his mother in law until her passing in 2011. After serving at the Kona Temple, he said, they returned to Laie. Also speaking at Mo’o’s service was Earl Veloria, the president of the Kona Hawaii Temple just prior to Mo’o. Veloria said Mo’o and his wife were like warriors serving the people of Kona. “A great warrior has fallen,” said Veloria of Mo’o’s passing. But he added death comes as a friend to those who understand they will live again, be reunited with their loved ones and can become like Heavenly Father. “We know God has a plan for us,” he said. Laie 6th Ward Bishop Curt Okimoto said of Mo’o that another local celebrity has retuned back to Heavenly Father. “Growing up in Laie 6th Ward, he was like my second father,” Okimoto said. “We couldn’t get away from him,” he joked, “because he was always in Young Mens. He was a prime example of serving others.” Okimoto said Mo’o “had a milliondollar smile... that makes you feel loved

in his presence.” He said Mo’o worked from sunup to sundown and would often have the youth in the ward work from sunup to sundown with him. “He was always looking out after me and my family,” Okimoto said. He shared a time when Mo’o had noticed a concrete window sill needed repairing on Okimoto’s house and asked Okimoto if he needed help fixing it. Okimoto said no, adding he and his sons could repair it because Mo’o had taught all the boys in the ward how to make home repairs. Okimoto said he grew up close to the Mo’o family because their son, Maurice, was his best friend. “I spent a lot of time in their home: Family home evenings, prayers, and advice he thought went in one ear and out the other, but it stuck with us.” For Okimoto, he said Mo’o was “a legend in my eyes and played a huge role in who I am through the lessons I learned from him.” He urged people to live their lives like Mo’o did. Leading the “Aloha Oe” at the end the services was Mo’o’s son-in-law Moot Ah Quin, the son of legendary local singer Joe Ah Quin. That was followed by a Tahitian drum and dance performance on the lanai of the Stake Center before Mo’o was buried at Temple Valley in Kaneohe. He is survived by his wife, Victoria; his children, Kehaulani Ah Quin, Opura Mo’o Jr., Tamara Ulima Soliai, Teriimana Mo’o, and Maurice Mo’o, their spouses, grandchildren, great grandchildren and numerous nieces and nephews. • FEB R UARY 2019

Photo by Cameron Gardner Mothers Serena Ioane , Elyssa Himmer, Kealani Netane unite together with their babies in hopes for another campus nursing room. Photo by Emily Hancock