Matters Heart of the

Life Issues

My husband is undermining my confidence

I’ve been keeping my feelings of anger under wraps but feel I’m going to explode. A new couple recently joined the church and my husband and I have befriended them. I like the wife; she’s a professional, immaculately groomed woman and reminds me of what I used to be - until my husband and I made the joint decision that I should stay at home to look after our two young children before they start going to school. I miss the excitement of work, but the sacrifice to be with my children until they start formal education was worth it.

towards yourself. I sense you are committed and loving, just by the life choices you are making. Please don’t allow your spouse to diminish you or make you a junior partner in your marriage. You are still the woman you were, so don’t allow negative words to disempower you.

I suggest that you make an appointment with your husband - get a sitter if you can. Have an agenda of your concerns (I suggest one or two issues at a time) and express your feelings in a calm way, taking ownership of your own emotions. Talk about how YOU feel! Speak about how you want to be treated. If he forgets, don’t be afraid to gently - but firmly - remind him. If that fails, seek Christian relationship counselling.

The new couple at your church should not be your focus; concentrate on your relationship. Consider doing some part-time work if you can. This will give you your own interests and boost your confidence. Establish a budget for your upkeep (hair, nails, self-care, etc) and wardrobe. Adopt a new attitude towards yourself. Remember who you are to God - royal, chosen, unique - and your husband will see a new you. Finally, I encourage you to have someone you can speak to on a regular basis, eg. a counsellor, mentor or friend. Pent-up anger, internalised, will turn to poison in your system. Speaking about your feelings will help your perspective and give vent to your feelings.

Pastor Yvonne: Dear Peter, thank you for your great question. We are here on Earth to fulfil a specific purpose; therefore it is very important that we identify what that is. There are clues in your personality and character, in the things you like, and in what you are passionate about. Reading your Bible and devotionals about purpose, and praying to seek the heart of God and His direction will all prove fruitful.

There are many books that have been written about the pursuit of purpose. There are also tools you can utilise, including personality profiles, which will provide insight into who you are. Some authors you can search for include Rick Warren and Dr John Stanko. Both writers have aided me in my purpose journey. Once you step onto your path of purpose, continue taking small steps to do something towards it every day. Attend conferences and seminars about purpose and find others who are on their purpose journey too. Always remember to be intentional; life is best lived on purpose. God bless you

If you would like help with a problem, email editor@keepthefaith.co.uk Your details will not be published.

Pastor Yvonne Brooks is a co-pastor at New Jerusalem Community Church, Birmingham, and founder of Woman of Purpose, a ministry that encourages women to fulfil their purpose. She is also a speaker and author. For more details visit www.yvonneelizabethbrooks.com

What’s upsetting me is that my husband is now constantly asking me why I can’t dress like this woman; saying I’ve become boring; I’ve lost my spark; and I’m not the woman I used to be. My husband’s comments are hurtful, and I’ve lost my self-confidence. I like myself and I don’t like being made to feel I’m not enough. How should I deal with this issue that’s arisen in my marriage?

Latisha, Birmingham

Pastor Yvonne: Being a mother myself I can see the journey you are on to adjust and accommodate your family. It will get better; it can be better ‘today’ with just a small shift in perception and attitude that only you can make

My best wishes to you.

How can I find my life’s purpose?

I’m a new Christian who’s loving life. I enjoy going to church. I’m surrounded by loving people and my pastor’s sermons are really helping me in my walk with Christ. I have started to think about what my life’s purpose is. I want to fulfil whatever God’s purpose is for me. What steps do I need to take to discover God’s will for my life? And, once I find out, how do I go about fulfilling it?

Peter, London